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VOL. X. 






Vanderpool & Cole, Printers. 



Advertisement by the Editor 3 

Pemberton's Sermon 9 

Preface 27 


From his birth to the time when he began to study for the mi- 
nistry 33 


From about the time when he began the study of Theology 
to his Licensure - 52 


From bis Licensure, till his examination and Commission as a 
Missionary 07 


From the time of his examination and Commission as a Mission- 
ary, to his entrance on his Mission - among the Indians at , 
Kaunaumeek 19 


From the commencement of his labours at Kaunaumeek to his or- 
dination 91 


From his ordination to the commencement of his labours at 
Crossweeksung 143 


From the commencement of his residence at Crossweekstingy to 
the close of the first part of his .Toumal - - - 1 94 



From the close of the first part of his « Jouexal," Nov. 5, 1745, 
to the 19th of June, 1746 ; when the second part of his Journal 
terminated. This, and the preceding chapter, occupy one 
year — the most interesting year of Brainerd's Life - 244 


General remarks on the preceding narrative of a work of grace 
at Ciosswceksung. I. On the Doctrines preached to the In- 
dians. II. On tiie Moral Effects of preaching Christ crucified. 

III. On the (Continuance, Renewal and Quickness of the work. 

IV. On the little appearance of False Religion - - 30J> 


General remarks on the work of grace at Crossweeksung 
continued — Introduction — Method of Learning the Indian 
Language — Method of Instructing the Indians — DiflSculties in 
the way in converting them to Christianity — Attestations of 
neighbouring Ministers, Elders, and Deacons to the display 
of Divine grace at Crossweeksung - - - - 321 


From the close of his Journal, June 19, 1746, to the termination 
of his Missionary labours, March 20, 1747 - - 352 


From the termination of his Missionary labours to his death 378 


Reflections on the preceding Memoirs - - - - 414 
Funeral Sermon --^ 453 


About the year 1740, several distinguished ministers in the city of New 
York and its vicinity; and among them. Rev. Ebenezer Pembektoh, of 
New York; Rev. Aaron Burr, of Newark; and Rev. Jonatran Dickis- 
SOH, of Elizabethtown ; communicated to the *^ Society in Scotland for Propa- 
gating Christian Knowledge," *^ the deplorable and perishing state of Uie 
Indians in the provinces of New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania." 

In consequence of this representation, the Society charitably and cheerfully 
agreed to the proposal of maintaining two mifnonariu among them, to conveil 
them to Christianity ; and in pursuance of this design sent those gentlemen, 
and some others — ^both clergymen and laymen, -a Commission to act as their 
Commissioners^ or Correspondents^ "in providing, directing, and inspecting 
the said Mission." 

" As soon as the Correspondentp received their commission," to use their own 
language, "they immediately looked out for two candidates for the ministry, 
whose zeal for the interests of the Redeemer's kingdom, and whnse compassion 
for perishing souls would prompt them to such an exceedingly difficult and self- 
denying undertaking. They first prevailed with Mr. Azariah Hortoit to 
relinquish a call to an encouraging parish, and to devote himself to the Indian 
service. He was directed to Long Island in August, 1741, at the east end of 
which there are two small towns of Indians ; and, from the eas^t to the weet end 
of the island, lesser companies settled at a few miles distance from one another, 
for the distance of more than a hundred miles. At his first arrival, he was 
well received by most, and cordially welcomed by some of them. Those at the 
east end of the Island, especially, gave diligent and serious attention to his in- 
structions ; and many of them were led to ask the solemn inquiry, " What 
they should do to be saved ?" A general reformation of manners was soon ob- 
servable among most of these Indians. They were careful to attend, and 
serious and solemn while attending, upon both public and private instructions. 
A number of them were under very deep convictions of their miserable, perish- 
ing state ; and about twenty of them give lasting evidences of their saving con- 
version to God. Mr. HoRToir has baptized thirty-Jive adults, and forty-four 
children. He took pains with them to teach them to read : and some of them 
have made considerable proficiency. But the extensiveness of his charge, and 
the necessity of his travelling from place to place, renders him incapable of 
giving so constant an attendance to their instruction in reading^, as is necessary. 
In his last letter to the Correspondents, he heavily complains of a great defection 
of some of them from their first reformation and care of their souls; occusioned 
by strong drink being brought among them, and their being thereby allured to 
relapse into their darling vice of drunkenness. This is a vice to which the In- 
dians are everywhere so greatly addicted, and so vehemently disposed, that 
nothing bat the power of divine grace can restrain that impetous lust, when they 
have oppoKunity to gratify it. He likewise complains, that some of them hava 
grown more careless and remiss in the duties of religious worship, than they 


were when first acquainted with the gpreat things of eternal peace. But, as a 
number retain their first impressions, and as they generally attend with reve- 
rence upon his ministry, he goes on with his work with encouraging hopes of 
the presence and blessing of God with him in this difficult undertaking." 

With the subsequent labours and success of Mr. Horton the Editor is unac- 
quainted ; not having been able to ascertain how long he was employed as a 
Missionary ; or whether his Diary was ever published. 

** It was some time after this, before the Correspondents could obtain another 
Missionary. At length they prevailed with Mr. David Brainerd to refuse 
several invitations to places, where he had a promising prospect of a comfort* 
able settlement, to encounter the fatigues and perils which must attend his 
carrying the Gospel of Christ to these poor, miserable savages."* 

David Brainerd, the subject of the ensuing Life, and author of the Diary 
incorporated with it, was examined and approved as a Missionary, at the city 
of New York, by the Correspondents of the Society m Scotland for Propaga- 
ting Christian Knowledge, Nov. 25, 1742. 

The field of Missionary labour, originally proposed for him by the Corres- 
pondents, was among the Indians living near the Forks of Delaware in Pennsyl- 
vania, and the Indians farther westward on the Susquehanuah. Owing to some 
contention subsisting, at the time of his appointment, between Uiese In- 
dians and the whites, concerning their lands, the Correspondents concluded to 
defer his mission among them until harmony was restored ; and having received 
intelligence from the Rev. Mr. Skroeakt. Missionary to the Indians at Stock-' 
bridge, Massachusetts, that the existing state of the Indians at Kaunaumeek, a 
place in the woods between Stockbridge and Albany, proiiiised success to the 
labours of a Missionary ; they selected that as his first station. His labours at 
Kaunaumeek commenced April 1. 1743, and continued one year; when he pre- 
vailed on th^ Indians at that place to remove to Stockbridge and attend on the 
Rev. Mr. Sergeant's ministry. 

Brainerd was ordained as a Missionary at Newark, N. J.« June the 12th 
1744 ; and on the 22d of the same rponth, entered on his labours at Sakkauwo- 
tung\ within the Forks of Delaware, 

On the 5th of October, 1744, he visited, for the first time, the Indians on the 
Susquehanuah, and commenced his labours at a placed called Opeholhaupung, 

On the 19th of June, 1745, he began to preach to the Indians at brossweeksujig^ 
R place about twenty miles west of Amboy in New Jersey, and the scene of his 
greatest success. It is now called Crosswecks^ and is on the road from Amboy 
to Bordentown. 

On the 3d of May, 1746, he removed from that place, with the whole body 
of the Indians, to a place called Cranberry^ fiftecfi miles from Crossweeksung. 
At these places he continued to reside until March 20, 1747; when, owing to 
the ravages of a pulmonary consumption, brought on by his exposures and hard- 
ships, his labours as a Missionary were terminated and he bade farewell to his 
beloved Church, and people a< Cranberry, 

The first communication made by him to the Correspondents, was in a letter 
to the Rev. Mr. Pkmberton, of Nov. 5, 1744 ; giving a succinct account of his 
residence at Kaunaumeek. and of the commencement of his labours of Sakhaw 
Vfotung and Opeholhaupung, Afler this he regularly forwarded to them a copy 
of his Diary. They published extracts from his Diary, in two parts or numbers, 
with some variations in the titles. The First part, commencing with his resi- 
dence at Crossweeksung^ June 19th, 1745, and reaching to Nov. 4th, 1745 ; was 
published early in the following year ; and was entitled, 

" Mirabilia Dei inter Indices ; 
Or the Rise and Progress of a remarkable Work of Grace, 
Among a number of Inclians, 
In the Provinces of New Jersey and Penns} Ivania ; 

~i - - - - 

* These extracts are from the Preface of the Corresponilents to Bramerd's Letter to 


Justly represented in a Jovrjtal. kept by order of the Honourable Society 
in Scotland for Propagating Christian Knowledge ; with some General Remarks ; 

By David Brainbrd, 

Minister of the Gospel, and Missionary from the said Society : 

Pablished by the Reverend and worthy Correspondents o^ the said Society ; 

with a Preface by them." 
The Second part, extending from Nov 24th, 1745, to June 19th 1746, was 
published in the latter part of that year ; and was entitled 

'* Divine Grace Displayed ; 
Or the Continuance and Progress of a remarkable Work of Grace 

Among some of the Indians 

Belonging to the Provinces of New Jersey and Pennsylvania ; 

Justly represented in a Journal kept by order of the Honourable Society in 

Scotland for Propagating Christian Knowledge ; 
with some General Remarks; 
To which is subjoined an Appendix, containing some account of sundry things, 
and especially of the Difficulties attending the Work of a Missionary among 
the Indians: 

Bt David Brainbrd, . 
Minister of the Gospel, and Missionary from the said Society : 
Published by the Reverend and worthy Correspondents of the said Society."' 
These two parts have always been called ** Brainerd^s Journal ;" and 
were published during his life. 

Brainerd died at the house of the Rev. Joitathait Edwards, of North- 
ampton, Oct. 9th, 1747 ; leaving all his papers in the hands of that gentleman, 
*•* that he might dispose of them as he thought would be most for G^'s glory, 
and the interest of. Religion." Of these, the most valuable was the Account of 
his early life and the original copy of his Diary. From these materials, Mr. 
Edwards prepared a Life of Brainerd, an 8vo volume of 316 pages ; which 
was published at Boston in 1749, with the following title ; 

" An Account of the Life 
Of the Late Rev. David Brainerd 
Missionary to the Indians, 
From the Hon. Society in Scotland for the Propagation of 

Christian Knowledge ; 

And Pastor of a Church of Christian Indians in New Jersey ; 

Who died at Northampton, October 9th, 1747, 

In the 30th year of his age : 

Chiefly taken from his own Diary, and other private writings, written 

for his own u^e ; and now published. 
By Jonathan Edwards, A. M. 
Minister of the Gospel at Northampton." 
It has been the intention of the Editor, to render this volume, as a Memoir of 
Braiiterd, complete. It contains the whole of the Life and Diary including 
the Journal, together with a I his letters, and other writings (so far as they are 
known to the Editor) and the concluding Reflections on his Memoirs, by Presi- 
dent Edwards ; all arranged in a regular series, according to the order of events. 
In addition to these, it contains two letters of John Brainerd and the Ser- 
mons of Pehbbrton and Edwards ; both of uncommon excellence. 

The Diary of Brainerd, a single point only excepted, is probably the best 
manual of Christian experience, ever yet published. The exception arises from 
the fact, that the native temperament of Brainerd^s mind inclined him to me- 
lancholy. This, his biographer, and himself, towards the close of life, regarded 
as a serious unhappiness, not to say defect, in his character. If the requisite al- 
lowance be made for this constitutional infirmity, the diary will prove altogether 
useful to the private Christian. As an example of a mind tremulously apprehen- 
sive of sin, loathing it in every form, and for its own sake, avoiding even the 
appearance of evil, rising above all terrestrial considerations, advancing 
rapidly in holiness, and finding its only enjoyment in the glory of God ; probably 
no similar word in any language, can furnish a parallel. 

In the Reflections on the Memoirs of Brainerd, as in a clear transparent 
mirror, the reader if he is not voluntarily blind, will discover the true character 


of his own heart. The narratire of conyeniont , dariDg the long; Pentecost season 
at Crosnpiektwufi while it cannot fail to delig^ht and animate Uie real Christian, 
will satisfy every mind open to cooTiction, that the Doctrines (here taaght 
were tau«;ht by the Apostles ; and will teach erery Minister, that to preach 
Christ Crucified is the only way to secare the co-operation of the Holy Spirit. 
The account given by Brainbrd of the Doctrines which be preached to the 
Indians, and their visible Effects; of his method of learning their language; of 
his plat I of Instruction ; and of the Difficulties in the way of Christianizing them, 
will also be peculiarly useful to the Missionary ; while the Diary at large will 
furnish him an example of selMenial, of patience under privations and sufferings, 
and of glorving in infirmities, which Paul himself would have respected and loved. 
On the whole, the Editor is convinced that few works hitherto published, are cal- 
culated to be equally useful to the Church at large, or to the individual 
Christian ; and, with these views concerning it, he cheerfully commends it to 
the blessing of Almighty God ; without which the Word ofLifCy itself, becomes 
a " savour of death unto death.^^ 









Vol. X. -^ 


Luke xiv. 23. 

And the Lord said unto the servant^ Go out into the highways 
and hedges^ and compel them to come in, that my house may 

God erected this visible world as a monument of his glory, 
a theatre for the display of his adorable perfections. The 
heavens proclaim his wisdom and power in shining characters, 
and the whole earth is full of his goodness. Man was in his origi- 
nal creation excellently fitted for the service of God, and for 
perfect happiness in the enjoyment of the divine favour. But 
sin has disturbed the order of nature, defaced the beauty of the 
most disconsolate circumstances of guilt and misery. 

The all-seeing eye of God beheld our deplorable state ; infi- 
nite pity touched the heart of the Father of mercies ; and infi- 
nite wisdom laid the plan of our recovery. The Majesty of 
heaven did not see meet to suffer the enemy of mankind eter- 
nally to triumph in his success ; nor leave his favourite work- 
manship irrecoverably to perish in the ruins of the apostacy. 
By a method, which at once astonishes and delights the spirits 
above, he opened a way for the display of his mercy, without 
any violation of the sacred claims of his justice ; in which, the 
honour of the law is vindicated, and the guilty offender acquitted, 
sin is condemned, and the sinner eternally saved. To accom- 
plish this blessed design, the beloved Son of God assumed the 
nature of man : in our nature died a spotless sacrifice for sin ; 
by the atoning virtue of his blood " he made reconciliation for 
iniquity," and by his perfect obedience to the law of God, 
" brought in everlasting righteousness.'' 

Having finished his work upon earth, before he ascended to 
his heavenly Father, he commissioned the ministers of his king- 
dom to "preach the gospel to every creature." He sent them 
forth to make the extensive offers of salvation to rebellious sin- 
ners, and by all the methods of holy violence to "compel them 
to come in/' and accept the invitations of his grace. We 
have a lively representation of this in the parable^ in which our 
text is contained. 

12 pemberton's sermon 

The evident design of it is, under the figure of a marriage 
mpper^ to set forth the plentiful provision, which is made in 
our Lord Jesus Christ for the reception of his .people, and the 
freedom and riches of divine grace, which invites the most un- 
worthy and miserable sinners, to partake of this sacred enter- 
tainment. The first invited guests were the Jews, the favourite 
people of God, who were heirs of divine love, while the 
rest of the world were " aliens firom the commonwealth of Israel 
and strangers fi-om the covenants of promise :" but these, 
through the power of prevailing prejudice, and the influence 
of carnal affections, obstinately rejected the invitation, and 
were therefore finally excluded from these invaluable bless- 

But it was not the design of infinite wisdom, that these cost- 
ly preparations should be lost, and the table he had spread re- 
main unfurnished with guests. Therefore he sent forth his 
servant " into the streets and lanes of the city," and command- 
ed him to bring in " the poor, the maimed, the halt, and the 
bhnd" — L e. the most necessitous and miserable of mankind ; 
yea, to "go out into the highways and hedges," to the wretch- 
ed and perishing Gentiles, and not only invite, but even "com- 
pel them to come in, that his house might be filled." 

The words of the text represent to us, 

J. The melancholy state of the Gentile world. They are de- 
scribed as " in the highways and hedges," in the most 
perishing and helpless condition. 

II. The compassionate care^ which the blessed Redeemer 
takes of them in these their deplorable circumstances. 
He " sends out his servants" to them, to invite them 
to partake of the entertainments of his house. 

III. The duty of the ministers of the gospel, to " compel them 
to come in" and accept of his gracious invitation. 
These I shall consider in their order, and then apply 
them to the present occasion. 

I. I am to consider the melancholy state of the Heathen 
world while in the darkness of nature, and destitute of divine 
revelation. It is easy to harangue upon the excellency and ad- 
vantage of the light of nature. It is agreeable to the pride of 
mankind to exalt the powers of human reason, and pronounce 
it a sufficient guide to eternal happiness. But let us inquire 
into the records of antiquity^ let us consult the experience of all 
ages, and we shall find, that those who had no guide but the 
light of nature, no instructor but unassisted reason, have wan- 
dered in perpetual uncertainty, darkness, and error. Or let us 
take a view of the present state of those countries that have not 
been illuminated by the gospel? and we shall see, that notwith- 


Standing the improvements of near six thousand years, they re- 
main to this day covered with the ^ossest darkness, and aban- 
doned to the most immoral and vicious practices. 

The beauty and good order every where discovered in the visi- 
ble frame of nature, evidences, beyond all reasonable dispute, 
the existence of an infinite and Almighty Cause, who first gave 
being to the universe, and still preserves it by his powerful pro- 
vidence. Says the apostle to the Gentiles, (Rom. i. 20.) "The 
invisible thmgs of God, from the creation of the world, are 
clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even 
his eternal power and Godhead." And yet many, even among 
the philosophers of the Gentile nations, impiously denied the 
eternal Deity, from whose hands they received their existence ; 
and blasphemed his infinite perfections, when surrounded with 
the clearest demonstrations of his power and goodness. Those 
whoBcknowledged a Deity, entertained the most unworthy con- 
ceptions of his nature and attributes, and worshipped the crea- 
ture^ in the place of the Creator^ " who is God blessed for 
ever." Not only the illustrious heroes of antiquity, and the 
public benefactors of mankind, but even the most despicable 
beings in the order of nature, were enrolled in the catalogue 
of their gods, and became the object of their impious adora- 
tion* "They changed the glory of the incorruptible God into 
an image made like to corruptible man, to birds and four-footed 
beasts, and creeping things." Rom. i. 23. 

A few of the sublimest geniuses of Rome and Athens, had 
some faint discoveries of the spiritual nature of the soid^ and 
formed some probable conjectures, that man was designed for 
a future state of existence. When they considered the exten- 
sive capacities of the human mind, and the deep impressions 
of futurity engraven in every breast, they could not but infer, 
that the soul was immortal, and at death would be translated 
to some new and unknown state. When they saw the virtu- 
ous oppressed with various and successive calamities, and the 
vilest of men triumphing in prosperity and pleasure, they en- 
tertained distant hopes, that, in a future revolution, these seem- 
ing inequalities would be rectified, these inconsistencies remo- 
ved ; the righteous distinguishingly rewarded, and the wicked 
remarkably punished. But after all their inquiries upon this 
important subject, they attained no higher than some probable 
conjectures, some uncertain expectations. And when they 
came to describe the nature and situation of these invisible 
regions of happiness or misery, they made the wildest 
guesses, and run into the most absurd and vain imaginations. 
The heaven they contrived for the entertainment of the virtuous 
was made up of sensual pleasures, beneath the dignity of hu- 
man nature, and inconsistent with perfect fehcity. The hell 
they described for the punishment of the vicious, consisted in 


ridiculous terrors, unworthy the belief of a rational and religious 


Their practices were equally corrupt with their principles. 
As the most extravagant errors were received amon^ the estab- 
lished articles of their faith, so the most infamous vices obtain- 
ed in their practice, and were indul&ed not only with impunity, 
but authorized by the sanction of meir laws. They stupidly 
erected altars to idols oLivood and stone; paid divine honours 
to those who in their lives had been the greatest monsters of 
lust and cruelty ; yea, offered up their sons and daughters Us 
sacrifices to devils. The principles of honour, the restraints 
of shame, the precepts of their philosophers, were all too weak 
to keep their corruptions within any tolerable bounds. The 
wickedness of their hearts broke through every inclosure, and 
deluged the earth with rapine and violence, blood and slaugh- 
ter, and all manner of brutish and detestable impurities. It is 
hardly possible to read the melancholy description of the prin- 
ciples and manners of the Heathen world, given us by St. 
Paul, without horror and surprise ; to think that man, once the 
"friend of God" and ** the lord of this lower world," should 
thus " deny the God that made him," and bow down to dumb 
idols^ should thus, by lust and intemperance, degrade himself 
into the character of the beast^ ^*- which hath no understand- 
ing ;" and by pride, malice, and revenge, transform himself 
into the very image of the devil, ** who was a murderer from 
the beginning." 

This was the state of the Gentile nations, when the light of 
the gospel appeared to scatter the darkness that overspread the 
face of the earth. And this has been the case, so far as has yet 
appeared, of all the nations ever since, upon whom the Sun of 
righteousness has not arisen with healing in his wings. Every 
new discovered country opens a new scene of astonishing ig- 
norance and barbarity ; and gives us fresh evidence of the 
universal corruption of human nature. 

II. I proceed now to consider the compassionate care and 
kindness of our blessed Redeemer towards mankind, in these 
their deplorable circumstances. He " sends out his servants" 
to invite them " to come in," and accept the entertainment of 
his house. 

God might have left his guilty creatures to have eternally suf- 
fered the dismal effects of their apostacy, without the least im- 
putation of injustice, or violence of his infinite perfections. 
The fall was the consequence of man's criminal choice, and 
attended with the highest s^gravations. The angels that sin- 
ned were made examples of God's righteous severity, and are 
reserved " in chains" of guilt " to the judgment of a great day." 
Mercy, that tender attribute of the divine nature, did not inter- 

AT brainerd's ordination. 15 

pose iu their behalf, in order to suspend the execution of their 
sentence or to avert God^s threatened displeasure. Their pun' 
ishment is unalterably decreed, their judgment is irreversiole ; 
they are the awful monuments of revenging wrath, and are 
condemned ^^to blackness of darkness forever/^ Now justice 
might have shown the same inflexible severity to rebellious man 
and have left the universal progeny of Adam to perish in their 
guilt and misery. It was unmerited mercy that distinguished 
the human race, in providing a Saviour for us ; and it was the 
most signal compassion that revealed the counsels of heaven 
for our recovery. 

But though justice did not oblige the divine Being to provide 
for our relief, yet the goodness of the indulgent Father of the 
universe inclined him to show pity to his guilty creatures, who 
fell from their innocence through the sm>tlety and malice of 
seducing and apostate spirits. It was agreeable to the divine 
wisdom to disappoint the devices of Satan, the enemy of God 
and goodness, and recover the creatures he had made from 
their subjection to the powers of darkness. 

He therefore gave early discoveries of his desij^s of mercy 
to our first parents, and immediately upon the apostacy open- 
ed a door of hope for their recovery, lie revealed a Saviour 
to the ancient Patriarchs, under dark types and by distant pro- 
mises; made clearer declarations of his will, as the appointed 
time drew near, for the accomplishment of the promises, and 
the manifestation of the Son of God in human flesh. -''And 
when the fulness of time was come, God sent forth his Son, 
made of a woman, made under the law, to redeem them that 
were under the law, that he might receive the adoption of 

This divine and illustrious person left the bosom of his Fa- 
ther, that he might put on the character of a servant ; descend- 
ed from the glories of heaven, that he might dwell on this 
inferior earth ; was made under the law, that he might fulfil all 
righteousness ; submitted to the infirmities of human nature, to 
the sorrows and sufferings of an afflicted life, and to the ago- 
nies of a painfiil ignominious death on a cross, that he might 
destroy the power of sin, abolish the empire of death, and 
purchase immortality and glory for perishing man. 

While our Lord Jesus resided in this lower world, he preach- 
ed the glad tidings of salvation, and published the kingdom of 
God ; confirming his doctrine by numerous and undoubted mira- 
cles, and recommending his instructions by the charms of a 
spotless life and conversation. He sent forth his apostles. to 
pursue the same gracious design of gospellizing the people 
and furnishing them with sufficient powers to proselyfe the na- 
tions to the faith. He also appointed a standing ministry, to 
carry on a treaty of peace with rebellious pinners, in the sue- 


cessive ages of the church, to continue till the number of the 
redeemed is completed, and the whole election of grace placed 
in circumstances of spotless purity and perfect happiness. 

These ministers are styled " the servants of Christ," by way 
of eminence ; they are in a peculiar manner devoted to the 
service of their divine Master : from him they receive their 
conmiission ; and by him they are appointed to represent his 
person, preside in his worship, and teach the laws of his king- 
dom. To assume this character without being divinely called, 
and regularly introduced into this sacred office, is a bold inva- 
sion of Christ's royal authority, and an open violation of that or- 
der which he established in his church. These not only derive 
their mission from Christ, but it is his doctrine they are to 
preach, and not the inventions of their own brain ; — it is his 
glory they are to promote, and not their own interest or 
honour. Their business is not to propagate the designs of a 
party, but the common salvation^ and to" beseech all, in Christ's 
name, to be reconciled unto God." 

The Apostles, the primitive heralds of the everlasting gos- 
pel, were sent to make the first tender of salvation to " the 
lost sheep of the house of Israel;" and they were command- 
ed to begin at Jerusalem, the centre of the Jewish common- 
wealth. But when the Jews obstinately persisted in their im- 
penitence arid unbelief, they were commissioned "to preach 
the gospel to every creature under heaven :" the sinners of the 
Gentiles were invited to come in^ and accept of the oflFers of 

The prophets pointed out a Messiah that was to come, and 
proclaimed the joyful approach of a Redeemer at the time ap- 
pointed in the sovereign counsels of heaven. The ministers 
of the gospel now are sent to declare, that the prophecies are 
accompUshed, the promise fulfilled, justice satisfied, salvation 
purchased ; and all that will come in^ shall receive the blessings 
of the gospel. They are not only free to invite sinners of all 
orders and degrees, of all ages and nations ; but to assure them, 
that " all things are now ready," and to use the most powerful 
and persuasive methods, that they may engage them to comply 
with the heavenly call. Which brings me to the third thing 
proposed,* tn^: 

III. To show, that it is the great duty of the ministers of the 
gospel " to compel sinners to come in," and accept of the bles- 
sings of the gospel. This is so plainly contained in my text, 
that I shall not multiply arguments to confirm it. My only 
business shall be to explain the nature of this compulsion, or 
show in what manner sinners are to be " compelled to come 
in" to the christian church. And sure I am, not by the de- 
ceitful methods of fraud and disguise, nor the inhuman prac- 
tices of persecution and violence. This text, indeed, has 

AT braixerd's ordination. IT 

often been alleged by the persecuting bigots of all ages, and 
applied to support the cause of religious tyranny; to the in- 
finite scandal of the Christian name and the unspeakable 
detriment of the Christian interest. By this means, the enemies 
of our most holy faith have been strengthened in their infi- 
delity, the weak have been turned aside from " the truth as 
it is in Jesus,'' and the peaceable kingdom of the Messiah 
transformed into a field of blood, a scene of hellish and horrid 
cruelties. If this were the compulsion recommended in the 
gospel, then absolute unrelenting tyrants would be the proper 
and most infallible teachers ; then racks and tortures would be 
the genuine and most successfiil method of propagating the 
faith. But surely every thing of this kind, every violent and 
driving measure, is in direct opposition to the precepts and 
example of our blessed Saviour, and contrary to the very 
^nius of his gospel, which proclaims " Glory to God in the 
highest, on earth peace, good will towards men."* 

The princes of this world exercise a temporal dominion over 
mankind, and by fines levied on their estates, and punishments 
inflicted on their bodies, force men to an outward subjection 
to their authority and government. But the kingdom of our 
Lord is of a spiritual nature ; he erects his empire in the hearts 
of men, and reigns over " a willing people in the day of his 
power," External violence may necessitate men to an exter- 
nal profession of the truth, and procure a dissembled compliance 
with the institutions of Christ ; but can never enlighten the 
darkness of the mind, conquer the rebellion of the will, nor 
sanctify and save the soul. It may transfigure men into accom- 
pUshed hypocrites ; but will never convert them into real 

The gospel was originally propagated by the powerful 
preaching of Christ and his apostles, by the astonishing mira- 
cles which they wrought in confirmation of their doctrine, and 
the exemplary lives by which they adorned their profession and 
character. Instead of propagating their religion by the des- 
tructive methods of fire and sword, they submitted to the rage 
and cruelty of a malignant world with surprising patience, and 
sacrificed their very lives in the cause of God, without any 
intemperate discoveries of anger and resentment. Instead of 
calling for "fire from heaven" to destroy their opposers, they 
compassionated their ignorance, instructed them with meekness^ 
counselled and exhorted them with " all long suffering and doc- 
trine," and even spent their dying breath in praying for their 
conviction and conversion, that they might be saved in the day 
of the Lord Jesus. 

-^ Luheii. 14. 

Vol. X. 3 

l^ pemberton's sermon 

Now, in imitation of these primitive doctors of the Christian 
church, these wise and successful preachers of the gospel, it is 
the duty of the ministers of the present day, to use the same 
methods of compassion and friendly violence, A disinterested 
zeal for the glory of God, a steadfast adherence to the truth, 
and unshaken fidelity in our Master's cause, with universal be- 
nevolence to mankind, must constantly animate our public dis- 
courses, and be conspicuous in our private conversation and be- 
haviour. We must diligently endeavour to convince the un- 
derstandings, engage the affections, and direct the practice of 
our hearers. Upon this head, it may not be amiss to descend 
to a few particulars. 

I. Ministers are to "compel sinners to come in," by setting 
before them their "guilty and perishing condition by nature." 
Sinners are naturally fond of carnal ease and security ; they 
are delighted with their pleasant and profitable sins ; they even 
" drink m iniquity like water," with great greediness, with in- 
satiable thirst, and incessant gratification, but without fear or 
remorse. Upon this account, there is the highest necessity to 
sound an alarm in their ears, that they may be awakened, to 
see and consider their dangerous state ; or else they will never 
be excited to "flee from the wrath to come." The secure 
sinner is insensible of his want of a saviour : "The whole need 
not a physician, but they that are sick." 

To this end, the ministers of the gospel are to set "the terrors 
of the Lord" in array against the sinner, and let him hear the 
" thunder of divine curses," that utter their voice against the 
unbelieving. They are to represent in the clearest light, and 
with the most convincing evidence, the evil of sin, and the dan- 
ger to which it exposes ; that "wrath from heaven is revealed 
against all ungodlmess and unrighteousness of men ;"* that the 
flaming sword of incensed justice is unsheathed, and the arm of 
the Almighty ready to destroy such as are "going on still in their 
trespasses," impenitent, and secure. They are not only thus to 
show them their danger, but to set before them at the same time 
their wretched and helpless circumstances ; — that no human eye 
can successfully pity them nor any created arm bring them ef- 
fectual deliverance; — that while m a state of unregenerate na- 
ture, they are destitute of strength to perform any acceptable 
service to the blessed God, and unable to make any adequate 
satisfaction to offended justice ; — that indeed they can neither 
avoid the divine displeasure, nor endure the punishment that is 
due to their crimes. Thus, by a faithful application of the law 
and its threatenings, we should endeavour, by God's blessing, 
to make way for the reception of the gospel and its promises. 


* Rom. i. 18. 

AT brainerd's ordination. 19 

This was the wise method observed by our blessed Saviour, 
the first preacher of the Gospel, and by the aposdes, his inspired 
successors. So John the Baptist, who served as " the morning 
star" to usher in the appearance of the Sun of righteousness, 
did thus " prepare the way of the Lord,'' by enlightening the 
minds of men in the knowledge of their guilt and misery, and 
inciting them to flee from the " damnation of hell," The three 
thousand that were converted to the faith at one sermon, in the 
infancy of the Christian church, were first awakened with a 
sense of their aggravated guilt, in " crucifying the Lord of 
glory ;'' and brought in agony and distress to cry out, " Men 
and brethren, what shall we do ?''* 

The method, I confess is disagreeable to the sentiments and 
inclinations of a secure world ; and may expose us to the re- 
proach of those " that are at ease in Zion :" but is agreeable 
to the dictates of an enlightened mind, conformable to the 
plan laid down in the sacred scriptures, and has in all ages ap« 
proved itself the most successful method of promoting the in- 
terests of real and vital religion. 

2. They are to " compel sinners to come in," by a lively 
representation of the power and grace of our Almighty Re- 
deemer. Not all the thunder and terror of curses from Mount 
Ebal, not all the tremendous " wrath revealed from heaven 
against the ungodly," not all the anguish and horror of a 
wounded spirit in an awakened sinner, are able to produce an 
unfeigned and efiectual compliance with the gospel terms of 
mercy. The ministry of the law can only give the knowledge 
ofsin^ rouse the sinner's conscience, and alarm his fears : it is 
the dispensation of ^roce, that sanctifies and saves the souL 
Nor is the former needful, but in order to the latter. So 
much conviction as gives us a sight of our sin and misery, as 
inclines us to " flee from the wrath to come," and disposes us 
to submit to the gospel-method of salvation " by grace through 
faith," by sovereign mercy through the Mediator, so much is ne- 
cessary ; and more is neither requisite, nor useful, nor desirable. 
It is not the oflSce of preachers to be perpetually employed 
in the language of terror, or exhaust their strength and zeal in 
awakening and distressing subjects. No ; but as it is their dis- 
tinguishing character, that they are ministers of the gospel^ so 
it is their peculiar business to " preach the unsearchable riches 
of Christ." The person, and offices, and love of the great 
Redeemer, the merits of his obedience, and purchases of his 
cross, the victories of his resurrection, the triumphs of his as- 
cension, and prevalence of his intercession, the power of his 
Spirit, the greatness of his salvation, the freeness of his grace* 

* Acts ii. 36, r:. 


i&c.; these are to be the chosen and delightful subjects of their 
discourses. They are to represent him as one — who has com- 
pletely answered the demands of the law, rendered the Deity 
propitious to the sinner, and upon this account is able eternally 
to save us from the vengeance of an offended God ; — who is 
clothed with Almighty power, to subdue the inveterate habits 
of sin, sanctify our polluted nature, and restore us to spiritual 
health and purity ; who is Lord of the visible and invisible 
worlds^ who knows how to defeat the most artful devices of 
Satan, and will finally render his people victorious over their 
most malicious and implacable adversaries ; — who having 
" made reconciliation for iniquity" upon the cross, is pleading 
the merits of his blood in heaven, and powerfully interceding 
for all suitable blessings in behalf of his people ; — ^^ who is 
there exalted as a Prince and a Saviour to give repentance and 
remission of sins ;* and is able to save unto the uttermost all 
those that come to God in and through him ;"t — in fine, who 
from his illustrious throne in glory, stoops to look down with 
pity upon guilty and perishing sinners, stretches forth the scep- 
tre of grace, and opens the everlasting arms of his mercy to 
receive them. These peculiar doctrines of the gospel they are 
frequently to teach, upon these they are to dwell with constant 
pleasure, that sinners may be persuaded to hearken to the mvi- 
ting voice of divine love, and put their trust in this Almighty 
and compassionate Saviour. In order to which, 

3. They are to show sinners the mighty encouragement^ 
that the gospel gives them to accept of Christy and salvation 
through his merits and righteousness. As for ignorant pre- 
sumcrs, these hear the glad tidings of the gospel with a fatal 
indifference ; and say in their hearts, " they shall have peace," 
though they go on in their evil way, stupidly " neglecting so 

freat salvation," and regardless of eternal things. But awa- 
ened minds are rather apt to draw the darl^st conclusions with 
respect to their case, and to judge themselves excluded from 
the invitations of the gospel. Sometimes they imagine that 
the number arid aggravations of their sins exceed the designs 
of pardoning mercv : — at other times, that they have so long 
resisted the heavenly call, that now the gate of heaven is irre- 
coverably barred against them : — and satan further suggests, 
that it would be the height of presumption in them to lay claim 
to the blessings of the gospel, till better prepared for the divine 
reception. Upon such imaginary aiid false grounds as these, 
multitudes of the invited guests make excuses^ and exclude 
themselves from the " marriage supper of the Lamb." It is 
therefore the business of the servants of Christ to show that 
•' there is yet room," even for the greatest and vilest sinners to 

* Acts V. 31. tHeb.vii. 25. 


come m, and partake of the gospel-festival ; that ^^ all thmgs are 
now ready," for their welcome entertainment ; — that the door 
is still open^ and there is free access, not only for those who 
have escaped the grossest pollutions of the world, but even " for 
the chief of sinners," whose guilt is of a crimson colour and a 
scarlet dye ; that neither the number nor aggravations of their 
iniquities will exclude them a share in the divine mercy, if now 
they submit to the sceptre of grace ; — that whatever their con- 
dition and circumstances may be, it is of present obligation 
upon them to accept the gospel call, and their instant duty to 
come in ; the Master invites them " to come to him, that they 
may have life ;" and " whosoever do so," the Master of the 
house assures them, that " he will in no wise cast them ouL"* 

4. They are to exhibit the unspeakable advantages that will 
attend a compliance with the gospel call. I know, indeed, the 
religion of Jesus is by its enemies often represented in the most 
frightful and hideous colours ; particularly as laying an unrea- 
sonable restraint on the liberties of mankind, and sinking them 
into melancholy enthusiasts. It becomes us, therefore, who 
are " set for the defence of the gospel," to endeavour the re- 
moving of this groundless prejudice, and to convince mankind 
by the light of reason and scripture, that " the ways of wis- 
dom are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace :" 
that verily a life of faith in the blessed Redeemer is the way to 
be happy, both here and hereafter. 

Oh, what more honourable than to be " a child of God, an 
heir of the kingdom of heaven !" What more pleasing than 
to look back, and behold our past iniquities all buried m the 
depths of eternal oblivion ; — than to look forward and view 
our dear Saviour acknowledging us his friends and favourites, 
and adjudging us to a state oi unperishing glory ? What more 
advantageous than to have the divine favour engaged for our 
]|brotection, the promises of divine grace for our consolation, 
and an assured title to " an inheritance undefiled, incorruptible 
and eternal ?" This is the portion of the true believer. These 
the privileges that attend a compliance with the gospel-call. 

These things are to be represented in such a manner as may 
tend to captivate the hearts of men, and engage them in a 
solicitous care and resolution to renounce the degrading servi- 
tude of sin, and resign themselves to the power of redeeming 
grace. Thus by the most effectual and persuasive methods, 
the ministers of Jesus are to compel sinners ^^ to come in, that 
his house may be filled." 

It was not in my design, to consider the duty of the ministry 
in its just extent ; but only to insist upon those things that more 
properly belong to my subject, and lie directly in the view of 

* John Ti. 37. 


my text — It will now doubtless be expected, that I applt my 
discourse more immediately to the present occasion^ 

And suffer me dear Sir, in the first place, to address myself 
to you, who are this day coming under a public consecration 
to the service of Christ, " to bear his name among the Gentiles ; 
to whom the Master is now sending you forth, to compel them 
to come in, that his house may be filled." We trust you are a 
chosen vessel^ designed for extensive service in this honourable, 
though difficult employnient. We adore the God of nature, 
who has furnished you with such endowments as suit you to 
this important charge. We adore the great Head of the 
Church for the nobler gifts and graces of his Spirit ; by which, 
we trust, you are enabled to engage in this mission with an ar- 
dent love to God, the universal Father of mankind, with a 
disinterested zeal for the honour of Christ, the compassionate 
friend of sinners, and with tender concern for the perishing 
souls of a ^^ people that sit in darkness, and in the shadow of 
death ;'' who have for many ages been wandering out of the way 
of salvation, " without Christ, and without God in the world." 

The work of the ministry, in every place, has its difficulties 
and dangers, and requires much wisdom, fortitude, patience, 
and self-denial, to discharge it in a right manner, with an en- 
couraging prospect of success : but greater degrees of pru- 
dence, humility, and meekness, mortification to the present 
world, holy courage, and zeal for the honour of God our Sa- 
viour, are necessary where any are called to minister the gos- 
pel unto those .who through a long succession of ages have 
dwelt in the darkness of heathenism, have from their infancy 
imbibed inveterate prejudices against the Christian faith, and 
from time immemorial been inured to many superstitious and 
idolatrous practices, directly opposite to the nature and design 
of the gospel. '^^ 

What heavenly skill is required, to convey the supernatural 
mysteries of the gospel into the minds of uninstructed Pagans, 
who are " a people of a strange speech and hard language ?" 
— What deep self-denial is necessary, to enable you cheerfully 
to forsake the pleasures of your native country, with the agree- 
able society of your friends and acquaintance, to dwell among 
those who inhabit not indeed " the highways and hedges," but 
uncultivated deserts, and the remotest recesses of the wilder- 
ness ? — What unwearied zeal and diligence, to proselyte those 
to the faith of the gospel, who have quenched the light of rea- 
son, and by their inhuman and barbarous practices have placed 
themselves upon a level with the brute creation ? 

Methinks 1 hear you crying out, " who is sufficient for these 
things !" — And indeed, if you had no strength to depend upon 
bat vour own, — no encouragement but from human assistance- 


vou might justly sink down in despair and utter the passionate 
language of Moses, " O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the 
hand of him whom thou wilt send :" thy servant is insufficient 
for so great a work.— But it is at the command of Christ, the 
great Head of the Church, that you go forth ; who by a train 
of surprising providences, has been preparing your way for Ais 
iinportant embassy ; and therefore you may be assured, that he 
will support you m a faithful discharge of your duty, accept 
your unfeigned desires to promote the interests of his kingdom, 
and finally reward your imperfect services with his gracious 
approbation. You have his divine promise for your security 
and consolation ; " Lo ! I am with you alway, even to the end of 
the world." This will afford you light in every darkness, de- 
fence in every danger, strength in every weakness, and a final 
victory over every temptation. If Christ be with you, " in 
vain do the Heathen rage," in vain will their confederated 
tribes unite their forces to obstruct and discourage you. In- 
finite wisdom will be your guide, almighty power your shield, 
and God himself " your exceeding great reward." The pre- 
sence of your divine Master will make amends for the absence 
of your dearest fiiends and relatives. This will transform a 
wild and uncultivated desert into a paradise of joy and plea- 
sure : and the lonely huts of savages into more delightful ha- 
bitations than the palaces of princes. 

Let not any difficulties discourage, any dangers then afiright 
you. Go forth in the name and strength of the Lord Jesus, to 
whom you are now to be devoted in the sacredoffice of the minis- 
try. "Be not ashamed of the gospel of Christ; for it is the pow- 
er of God unto salvation to every one that believeth, to the Jew 
first, and also to the Gentile." Let zeal for the honour of God, 
and compassion for the souls of men, animate your public dis- 
courses and private addresses to the people committed to your 
charge. Always remember, that your character is a minister 
ofJestAS} and therefore with the inspired doctor of the Gen- 
tiles, you "are to know nothing among them, save Christ, and 
him crucified." Frequently consider, that the gospel is a di- 
vine discipline to purify the heart, and set' up the kingdom of the 
Redeemer in the souls of men : and therefore it is not suffi- 
cient to bring sinners to a profession of the name of Christ, 
and an outward subjection to the institutions of divine worship; 
'* You are sent to turn them from darkness to light, and from 
the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgive- 
ness of sins, and an inheritance among them that are sanctified 
by faith tfiat is in Christ." Unless this be effected, (whatever 
other improvements they gain,) they are left under the domi- 
nion of sin, and exposed to the wrath of God ; and their supe- 
rior degrees of knowledge will only serve to light them down 
to the regions of death and misery. This then is to be the 

24 p£mbsrtOn*s sermon 

principal design of your ministry ; for this you are to labour 
with unwearied application, and with incessant importunity to 
approach the throne of that God, whose peculiar prerogative 
it is " to teach us to profit ;" whose grace alone can make 
them " a willing people in the day of his power." 

And for your encouragement, I will only add : When I con- 
sider the many prophecies, in sacred scripture, of the triumph- 
ant progress of the gospel in the last ages of the world, I C€m- 
not but lift up my head with joy^ in an humble expectation, 
that the day draws near^ yea, is even at hand^ when the pro- 
mises made to the Son of God shall be more illustriously fulfil- 
led : — " when he shall have the Heathen for his inheritance, 
and the utmost parts of the earth for his possession ; when his 
name shall be great among the Gentiles, and be honoured and 
adored from the rising of the sun to the going down of the 
same." But if the appointed time is not yet come, and the 
attempts made to introduce this glorious day, fail of desired 
success, " your judgment will be with the Lord, and your re- 
ward with your God." If the Gentiles "be not gathered" in, 
you will "be glorious in the eyes of the Lord," who accepts 
and rewards his servants according to the sincerity of their de- 
sires, and not according to the success of their endeavours. 

I shall conclude with a few words to the body of the people, 
God our Saviour, in infinite condescension, hath sent his ser- 
vants to invite you to come m, and receive the blessings which 
infinite wisdom has contrived, and astonishing grace prepared 
for your entertainment. And surely, my brethren, it is your 
important duty and incomparable interest, not to despise "the 
salvation of God sent unto the Gentiles," nor make light of the 
gospel message to you. 

God has been pleased to employ us the messengers of his 
grace, men of like passions with yourselves, subject to the com- 
mon infirmities of human nature : but the message comes fi-om 
him, who is King of kings and Lord of lords ; whom you are 
under the strongest obligations to hear and obey, iii point of 
interest, gratitude, and duty. 

What gracious and condescending methods has he taken to 
allure and invite you ! has he not descended from heaven to 
earth ; from the boundless glories of eternity to all the suffer- 
ings and afilictions of this mortal life, that he might purchase 
and reveal salvation ; that he might engage your love, and per- 
suade you to comply with his saving designs ? Does he not 
send his " ambassadors to beseech you in nis stead, to be re- 
conciled to God?" j 

What excuses have you to make, that will stand the trial of 
an enlightened conscience, or justify you at the awful tribunal 
of God ? will the vanishing enjoyments of sin and sense, or the 
perishing riches of this transitory world, make amends for the 


loss of the divine favour, or support you under the terrors of 
eternal damnation ? — Are there any honours comparable to 
the dignity and character of a child of God, and a title to the 
privileges of his house and family ? Are there any pleasures 
equal to the smiles of God's reconciled face, the refreshing 
visits of his love, and the immoriBl joys of his salvation ? 

But how deplorable, how desperate will be your case, if you 
finally refuse the gospel-invitation, and perish in your natural 
state of guilt and misery ? the compassionate Jesus, who now 
addresses vou in the inviting language of love, will then speak 
to you with the voice of terror, and " swear in his wrath, that 
you shall never enter into his rest, that you shall never taste of 
his supper,'^ the rich provision which he has made for the 
eternal entertainment of his suests. " When once the Master 
of the house is risen up, and hath shut to the door,^' you will 
in vain stcmd without and knock for admission. 

In a word, Now^ he declares by his servants, that " all things 
are ready,'' and all that are bidden shall be welcome, upon 
their coming in^ to be partakers of the benefit. The blood of 
Christ is now ready, to cleanse you from all your guilt and pol- 
lution ; his righteousness is now ready to adorn your naked 
souls with the garment of salvation ; his Spirit is now ready 
to take possession of you, and make you eternal monuments 
of victorious and redeeming grace. " The Spirit and the bride 
say. Come ; and whosoever (of the lost and perishing sons of 
Adam) will, let him come," and participate of the blessings of 
thegospel " freely, without money, and without price." The 
arms of everlasting mercy are open to receive you : the treasures 
of divine grace are open to supply your wants : and every one of 
you that now sincerely accepts this gracious invitation, shall 
hereafter be admitted ^^ to sit down with Abraham, Isaac, 
and Jacob, in the kingdom of heaven." — For which, God of 
his infinite mercy prepare us all, through Jesus Christ ; to whom 
be glory and dominion world without end. Amen. 

Vol. X. 4 


Thebe are two ways of recommending true religion and virtue to 
the world : the one, by doctrine and precept ; the other by history 
^ and example. Both are abundantly used in the holy scriptures. Not 
only are the grounds, nature, design, and importance of religion 
clearly exhibited in the doctrines of scripture — ^its exercise and prac- 
tice plainly delineated, and abundantly enforced* in its commands 
and counsels — but there we have many excellent examples of religion) 
in its power and practice, set before us, in the histories both of the 
Old and New Testament. 

Jesus Christ, the great Prophet of God, when he came to be 
<(the light of the world." — to teach and enforce true religion, in a 
greater degree than ever had been done before — made use of both 
Uiese methods. In his doctrine^ he not only declared more fully the 
mind and will of God — ^the nature and properties of that virtue, 
which becomes creatures of our constitution, and in our circum- 
stances, and more powerfully enforced it by exhibiting the obligations 
and inducements to holiness ; but he also in his own practice gave 
a most perfect ea;amp2e of the virtue which he taught. He exhibited 
to the world such an illustrious pattern of humility, divine love, dis- 
creet zeal, self-denid, obedience, patience, resignation, fortitude, 
meekness, forgiveness, compassion, benevolence, and universal holi- 
ness, as neither men nor angels ever saw before. 

God also in bis providence^ has been wont to make use of both 
these methods to hold forth light to mankind, and inducements to 
their duty, in all ages. He has from time to time raised up eminent 
teachers^ to exhibit and bear testimony to the truth by their doctrine^ 
and to oppose the errors, darkness, and wickedness of the world ; 
and he has also raised up some eminent persons who have set bright 
examples of that religion which is taught and prescribed in the word 
of God ; whose examples havCi in the course of divine providence» 
been set forth to public view. These have a great tendency both to 
engage the attention of men to the doctrines and rules taught, and 
also to confirm and enforce them; especially when these bright 
examples have been exhibited in the same persons who have been 
eminent teachers. Hereby the world has had opportunity to see a 
confirmation of the truth, efficacy, and amiableness of the religion 
taught, in the practice of the same persons who have most clearly 
and forcibly taught it ; and above all, when these bright examples 
have been set by eminent teachers, in a variety of unusual cir- 
cumstances of remarkable trial ; and when God has withal» remark-^ 
ably distinguished them wHh wonderful sticcess in their mstructioQS 
and labours. 


Such an instance we have in the exceUerU person whose life is pub- 
lished in the following pages. His example is attended with a great 
variety of circumstances calculated to engage the attention of reli- 
gious people, especially in America. He was a man of distinguished 
talents, as all are sensible who knew him. As a minbter of the gos- 
pel, he was called to unusual services in that work ; and his ministry 
was attended with very remarkable and unusual events. His course 
of religion began before the late times of extraordinary religious 
conmiotion ; yet he was not an idle spectator^ but had a near con- 
cern in many things that passed at that time. He had a very ex- 
tensive acquaintance with those who have been the subjects of the 
late religious operations, in places far distant, in people of different ^ 
nations, education, manners, and customs. He had a peculiar op- 
portunity of acquaintance with the false appearances and counter* 
feits of religion ; was the instrument of a most remarkable awaken- 
ing, a wonderful and abiding alteration and moral transformatioa of 
subjects, who peculiarly render the change rare and astonishing. 

In the following account, the reader will have an opportunity to 
see, not only what were the extemai circumstances and remarkable 
incidents of the hfe of this personi and how he spent his time from 
day to day, as to his extemai behaviour, but also what passed in his 
aum heart. Here he will see the wonderful change he experienced 
in his mind and disposition ; the manner in which that change was 
brought to pass ; how it continued ; and what were its consequences 
in bis inward frames, thoughts, affections, and secret exercisesi 
through many vicissitudes and trials, for more than eight years. 

He will also see his sentiments, frame, and behaviour, during a long 
season of the gradual and sensible approach of death ; and what 
were the effects of his religion in the last stages of his illness. The 
account being written, the reader may have opportunity at bis 
leisure to compare the various parts of the story, and deliberately to 
view and weigh the whole, and consider how far what is related, is 
agreeable to the dictates of reason, and the Word of God. 

I am far from supposing, that Brain ebd's inward exercises or his 
extemai conduct, were free from aU imperfections. The example of 
Jesw Christ, is the only perfect example that ever existed in human 
nature. It is, therefore, a rule by which to try all other examples ; 
and the dispositions, frames, and practices of others, must be com- 
mended and followed no further, than they yrere followers of Christ. 

There is one thing in Bkainerd, easily discernible by the follow- 
ing account of his life, which may be called an imperfection in him, 
which, though not properly an imperfection of a moral nature, yet, 
may possibly be made an objection against the extraordinary appear- 
ances of religion and de\rotion in him, by such as seek for objections 
against every thing that can be produced in favour of true, vital re- 
ligion ; I refer to the fact, that he was, by his constitution and 
natural temper, so prone to meHanchoiy^ and dejection of spirit. 
There are some, who think that all religion is a melancholy thing ; 
and that what is called Christian experience is little else besides 
mdancholy vapours, disturbing the brain, and exciting enthusiastic 
imaginations. But that Bbainebi>*s temper or constitution incUned 


liim to despondency^ is no just grodnd to suspect his extraordinary 
devoUon to have been only the fruit of a warm imagination* All who 
have well observed mankind, will readily grant that many of those 
who by their natural constitution or temper, are most disposed to de- 
jedioni are not the most susceptive of lively and strong impressions 
on their imagination, or the most subject to those vehement affectionSf 
which are the fruits of such impressions. Many who are of a very 
gap and sanguine natural temper are vastly more so ; and if their af« 
fections are turned into a religious channel, are much more exposed 
to enthusiasm^ than many of the former. As to Brainehd notwith- 
standing his inclination to despondency, he was evidently one of those 
who Bsually are the farthest from a teeming imagination ; being of a 
penetrating genius, of clear thought, of close reasoning, and a very 
exact judgment ; as all know who knew him. As he had a great in- 
sight into human nature, and was very discerning and judicious in 
general ; so he excelled in his judgment and knowledge in divinity, 
but especially in experimental religion. He most accurately distin- 
guished between real solid piety, and enthusiasm ; between those af- 
fections that are rational and scriptural-r-having their foundation in 
light and judgment — and those that are founded in whimsical conceits, 
strong impressions on the imagination, and vehement emotions of the 
animal spirits. He was exceedingly sensible of men's exposedness to 
these thmgs ; how much they bad prevailed, and what multitudes had 
been deceived by them ; of their pernicious consequences and the 
fearful mischief they had done in the Christian world. He greatly 
abhorred such a religion, and was abundant in bearing testimony 
against it, living and dying ; and was quick to discern when any thing 
of that nature arose ; though in its first buddings, and appearing 
under the most fair and plausible disguises He had a talent foi des- 
cribing the various workings of this imaginary enthusiastic religion — 
evincing its falseness and vanity, and demonstrating the great differ- 
ence between this, and true spiritual devotion — which I scarcely ever 
knew equalled in any person. 

His judiciousness did not only appear in distinguishing among the 
experiences of others^ but also among the various exercises of his 
own mind ; particularly in discerning what within himself was to be 
laid to the score of melancholy ; in which he exceeded all melan- 
choly persons that ever I was acquainted with. This was doubtless 
owing to a peculiar strength in \k\^ judgment ; for it is a rare thing in- 
deed, that melancholy people are sensible of their own disease, and 
convinced that such things are to be ascribed to it, as are its genuine 
operations and fruits. Brainerd did not obtain that degree of skill 
at once, but gradually ; as the reader may discern by the following 
account of his life. In the former part of his religious course, he im- 
puted much of that kind of gloominess of mind, and those dark 
thoughts, to spiritual desertion, which in the latter part ot his life he 
was abundantly sensible, were owing to the disease of melancholy ; 
accordingly he oflen expressly speaks of them in his diary, as arising 
from this cause. He oflen in conversation spoke of the difference 
between melancholy, and godly sorrow, true humiliation, and spi- 
ritual discretion, and the great danger of mistaking the one for the 


Other, and the very hurtful nature of melancholy ; discoursing with 
great judgment upon it^ and doubtless much more judiciously for what 
he knew by his own experience. 

But not to argue from Bbainebd's strength of judgment merely, it 
is apparent in fact, that he was not a person of a warm imagination. 
His inward experiences, whether in his convictions or his conversion, 
and his religious views and impressions through the course of his life, 
were not excited by strong and lively images formed in his imagina- 
tion ; nothmg at all appears of it in his diary from beginning to end. 
He told me on his death-bed, that although once, when he was very 
young in years and experience, he was deceived into a high opinion 
of sunh things — looking on them as superior attainments in religion^ 
beyond what he had ever arrived at — was ambitious of them, and 
earnestly sought them ; yet he never could attain them. He more- 
over declared, that he never in his life had a strong impression on his 
imagination, of any outward form, external glory, or any thing of 
that nature ; which kind of impressions abound among enthustajftic 

As Brainf.rd^s religious impressions, views, and affections in their 
nature were vastly different from enthusiasm ; so were their effects in 
him as contrary to it as possible Nothing, like enthusiasm, puffs 
men up with a high conceit of their own wisdom, holiness, eminence, 
and sufficiency ; and makes them so bold, forward assuming, and ar- 
rogant. But the reader will see that Brain erd's religion constantly 
disposed him to a most humble estimation of himself, and abasing 
sense of his own sinfulness, unprofitableness and ignorance ; looking 
on himself as wor?e than others ; disposing him to universal benevo- 
lence and meekness ; in honour to prefer others, and to treat all with 
kindnessr and respect And when melancholy prevailed, and though 
the effects of it were very prejudicial to him, yet it had not the effects 
of enthusittsm ; but operated by dark and discouraging thoughts of 
himself, as ignorant, wicked, and wholly unfit for the work of the 
ministry, or even to be among mankind. Indeed, at the time just 
mentioned, when he had not learned well to distinguish between en- 
thusiasm and solid religion, he joined, and kept company with some 
who were tinged with no small degree of the former. For a season, 
he partook with them in a degree, of their dispositions and beha- 
viours ; though, as was observed before, he could not obtain those 
things wherein their enthusiasm itself consisted, and so could not be- 
come like them in that resspect, however he erroneously desired and 
sought it. But certainly it is not at all to be wondered at, that a 
youth, a young convert one who had his heart so swallowed up in re- 
ligion, and who so earnestly desired its flc/urishing state — and who 
had so little opportunity for reading, observation, and experience — 
should for a while be dazzled and deceived with the glaring appear- 
ances of mistaken devotion and zeal ; especially, considering the ex- 
traordinary citcumstances of that day. He told me on his death 
bed, that while he was in these circumstances, he was out of his ele- 
ment and did violence to himself, while complying in his conduct 
with persons of a fierce and imprudent zeal, from his great veneration 
of some whom lie looked upon as better than himself. So that it 

PaEFACE. 31 

would be very unreasonable that his error at that time should never- 
theless be esteemed a just ground of prejudice against the whole of 
his religion, and his character in general ; especially considering^ 
how greatly his mind was soon changed, and how exceedingly he af- 
terwards lamented his error, and abhorred himself for his imprudent 
zeal and misconduct at that time, even to the breaking of his heart, 
and ahnost to the overbearing of his natural strength ; and how much 
of a Christian spirit he showed, in condemning himself for that mis- 
conduct, as the reader will see. 

What has now been mentioned of Brainebd, is so far from being a 
just ground of prejudice against what is related in the following ac- 
count of his life, that, if duly considered, it will render the history 
the more serviceable. For by his thus joining for a season with en- 
ihusiasts, he had a more full and intimate acquaintance with what be- 
longed to that sort of religion ; and so was under better advantages 
to judge of the difference between that, and what he finally approved, 
and strove to his utmost to promote, in opposition to it. In his testi- 
mony against it, and the spirit and behaviour of those who are influ- 
ence by it. he also speaks from impartial conviction, and not from 
prejudice ; because he thus openly condemns his own former opinions 
and conduct, on account of which he had greatly suffered from his 
opposerS) and for which some continued to reproach him as long as 
he lived. 

Another imperfection in Brainerd, which may be observed in the 
following account of his life, was his being excessive in his labours ; 
not taking due care to proportion his fatigues to his strength Indeed, 
the case was very oflen such, by the seeming calls of Providence, as 
made it extremely difficult for him to avoid doing more than his 
strength would well admit of; yea, his circumstances and the bu- 
siness of his mission among the Indians, were such, that great fatigues 
and hardships were altogether inevitable. However, he was finally 
convinced, that he had erred in this matter, and that he ought to have 
taken more thorough care, and been more resolute to withstand 
temptation to such degrees of labour as injured his health ; and ac- 
cordingly warned his brother, who succeeds him in his mission, to be 
careful to avoid this error. 

Besides the imperfections already mentioned, it is readily allowed 
that there were some imperfections which ran through his whole life, 
and were mixed with all his religious affections and exercises ; some 
mixture of what was natural, with that which was spiritual ; as it 
evermore is in the best saints in this world. Doubtless, natural tem- 
per had some influence in the religious exercises and experiences of 
Brainero, as it most apparently had in those of David aud Peter, of 
John and Paul. There was undoubtedly very often some mixture of 
melancholy with true godly sorrow, and real Christian humihty ; some 
mixture of the natural fire of youth, with his holy zeal for God ; and 
some influence of natural principles, mixed with grace in various 
other respects, as it ever was and ever will be with the saints^ while 
on this side heaven. Perhaps none were more sensible of Brain- 
sbd's imperfections than himself; or could distinguish more accu- 
rately than he, between what was naturals and what was spiritual. It 


is easy for the judicious reader to observe, that his graces ripened, 
that the religious exercises of bis heart became more and more pure, 
and he more and more distinguishing in his judgment, the longer he 
lived. He had much to teach and purify him, and he failed not to 
make his advantage. 

Notwithstanding all these imperfectionsi every pious and judicious 
reader will readily acknowledge, that what is here set before him, is 
a remarkable instance of true and eminent piety, in heart and prac- 
tice — tending greatly to confirm the reality of vital religion, and the 
power of godliness ; — that it is most worthy of imitation, and in 
many ways calculated to promote the spiritual benefit of the careful 

The reader should be aware, that what Brainebd wrote in his dia- 
ry * out of which the following account of his life is chiefly taken, was 
written only for his own private use ; and not to obtain honour and 
applause in the world, nor with any design that the world should ever 
see it, either while he lived, or after his death ; except a few things 
which he wrote in a dying state, after he had been persuaded* with dif- 
ficulty^ not entirely to suppress all his private writings. He showed 
himself almost invincibly averse to the pnblishing of any part of his 
diary after his death ; and when he was thought to be dying at Bos- 
ton, gave the most strict, peremptory orders to the contrary. But 
being by some of his friends there, prevailed upon to withdraw so 
strict and absolute a prohibition, he was finally pleased to yield so fart 
as that *^ his papers should be lef^ in my hands, that I might dispose 
of them as I thought would be most for God's glory, and the interest 
of religion." 

But a few days before his death, he ordered some part of bis diary 
to be destroyed, which renders the account of his life, the less com- 
plete. And there are !>ome parts of his diary here, left out for bre- 
vity's sake, which would, i am sensible, have been a great advantage 
to the history, if they had been inserted ; particularly the account of 
his wonderful success among the Indians ; which for substance, is the 
same in his private diary with that which has already been made pub- 
lic^ in the journal he kept by order of the society in Scotland, for 
their information. That account, I am of opinion, would be more 
entertaining and more profitable, if it were published as it is writ- 
ten in his diary, in connexion with his secret religion, and the inward 
exercises of his mind, and also with the preceding and following parts 
of the story of his lifb. But because that account has been publish- 
ed already, I have therefore omitted that part. However, this defect 
may in a great measure, be made up to the reader- by the public 
journal,* But it is time to end this preface, that the reader may be 
no longer detained from the history itself. 


* The extracts in the Journal, are in thia edition for the first time incorporat- 
ed with the rest of the Diary. 

9 &C. 

*/■ "* 


From his birth^ to the time when he began to study for 

the Ministry, 

David Brainerd was born April 20, 1718, at Haddam^ in 
Connecticut. His father was Hezekiah Brainerd, Esq. ; one 
of his Majesty's council for that colony ; who was the son of 
Daniel Brainerd, Esq. ; a justice of the peace, and a deacon 
of the Church of Christ in Haddam. His mother was Dorothy 
Hobart, daughter of the Rev. Jeremiah Hobart; who preached 
a while at Topsfield, then removed to Hempstead on Long- 
Island, and afterwards — ^by reason of numbers turning Quakers, 
and many others being so irreligious that they would do no- 
thing towards the support of the gospel — settled in the work 
of the ministry at Haddam ; where he died, in the 85th year of 
his age. He went to public worship in the forenoon, and died 
in his chair between meetings. This Rev. gentleman was a 
son of the Rev. Peter Hobart ; who was, first, minister of the 
gospel at Hingham, in the county of Norfolk, in England ; a.nd 
owing to the persecution of the Puritans, removed with his 
family to New-England, and was settled in the ministry at 
Hingham, in Massachusetts. He had five sons, Joshua, Jere- 
miah, Gershom, Japheth, and Nehemiah. Joshua was minister 
at Southold, on Long-Island. Jeremiah was David Brainerd^s 

frandfather. Gershom was minister of Groton, in Connecticut, 
apheth was a physician ; he went as surgeon of a ship to Eng- 
land, before the time of taking his second degree at college, 
and designed to go from thence to the East Indies ; but never 
was heard of more. Nehemiah was fellow of Harvard college, 
and afterwards minister at Newton in Massachusetts. — The 
mother of Dorothy Hobart was a daughter of the Rev. Sa- 
muel Whiting, minister of the gospel, first at Boston, in Lincoln- 
shire, and afterwards at Lynn in Massachusetts, New England. 
He had three sons, who were ministers of the gospel. 

David Brainerd was the third son of his parents. They 
had five sons and four daughters. Their eldest son is Heze- 

VoL. X. r> 


kiah Braincrd, Esq. ; a justice of the peace, and for seveml years 
past, a representative of the town of Haddam, in the general as- 
sembly of Connecticut ; the second was the Rev. Nehemiah 
Brainerd, a worthy minister at Eastbury in Connecticut, who 
died of a consumption, Nov. 10, 1742; the fourth is Mr. John 
Brainerd, who succeeds his brother David, as missionary to the 
Indians, and pastor of the same church of Christian Indians in 
New Jersey ; and the fifth was Israel, lately student at Yale- 
College, in New-Haven, who died since his brother David. — 
Mrs. Dorothy Brainerd having lived about five years a widow, 
died when her son, of whose life I am about to give an account, 
was about fourteen years of age : so that in his youth he was 
left both fatherless and motherless. What account he has 
given of himself, and his own life, may be seen in what follows.* 

"I was from my youth somewhat sober, and inclined to 
melancholy ; but do not remember any thing of conviction of 
sin, worthy of remark, till I was I believe about seven or 
eight years of age. Then I became concerned for my soul, 
and terrified at the thoughts of death ; and was driven ta the 

Eerformance of religious duties ; but it appeared a melancholy 
usiness, that destroyed my eagerness for play. And though, 
alas! this religious concern was but short-lived, I sometimes 
attended secret prayer ; and thus lived at " ease in Zion, with- 
out God in the world," and without much concern, as I remem- 
ber, till I was above thirteen years of age. In the winter of 
1732, I was roused out of this carnal security, by I scarce 
know what means at first ; but was much excited by the pre- 
valence of a mortal sickness in Haddam. I was frequent, con- 
stant, and somewhat fervent in prayer ; and took delight in 
reading, especially Mr. Janeway's Token for children, I felt 
sometimes much melted in the duties of religion, took great 
delight in the performance of them, and sometimes hoped that 
I was converted, or at least in a good and hopeful way for 
heaven and happiness ; not knowing what conversion was. 
The Spirit of God at this time proceeded far with me. I was 
remarkably dead to the world ; my thoughts were almost whol- 
ly employed about my soul's concerns ; and I may indeed say^ 
" Almost I was persuaded to be a Christian." I was also ex- 
ceedingly distressed and melancholy at the death of my mo- 
ther, in March, 1732. But afterwards my religious concern 
began to decline, and by degrees I fell back into a consider- 
able degree of security, though I still attended secret prayer. 

* In Mr. Brainerd's account of himself here, and continued in his Diary^ 
the reader will find a growing interest and pleasure as he proceeds ; in which 
IS beautifully exemplified what the inspired penman declares, "The path of the 
.lUst 18 as the morning light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day." 
And indeed even his diction and style of writing assume a gradual improyement. 


« Aboat the 15th of April, 1733, 1 removed from my father's 
house to East-Haddam, where I spent four years ; but still 
*♦ without God in the world," though, for the most part, I went 
a round of secret duty. I was not much addicted to the com- 

fany and amusements of the young; but this I know, that when 
did go into such company, I never returned with so good a 
conscience as when I went. It always added new guilt, made 
me afraid to come to the throne of grace, and spoiled those 
good frames with which I was wont sometimes to please myself. 

But, alas ! all my good frames were but self-righteousness, 
not founded on a desire for the glory of God. 

** About the latter end of April, 1737, being full nineteen 
years of age, I removed to Durham, to work on my farm, and 
so continued about one year ; frequently longing, from mere na- 
tural principles, after a liberal education. When about twenty 
years of age, I applied myself to study ; and was now engaged 
more than ever in the duties of religion. I became very strict 
and watchful over my thoughts, words, and actions ; concluded 
that I must be sober indeed, because I designed to devote my- 
self to the ministry, and imagined that I did dedicate myself to 
the Lord. 

" Sometime in April, 1738, 1 went to Mr. Fiske's, and lived 
with him during his life.* I remember he advised me wholly 
to abandon young company, and associate myself with grave 
elderly people : which counsel I followed. My manner of life 
was now wholly regular, and fiill of religion, such as it was ; for 
I read my Bible more than twice through in less then a year, 
spent much time every day in prayer and other secret duties, 
gave great attention to the word preached, and endeavoured 
to my utmost to retain it. So much concerned was I about 
religion, that I agreed with some young persons to meet pri- 
vately on sabbath evenings for religious exercises, and thought 
myself sincere in these duties; and after our meeting was ended 
I used to repeat the discourses of the day to myself; recollecting 
what I could, though sometimes very late at night. I used oc- 
casionally on Monday mornings to recollectt he same sermons ; 
experienced a considerable degree of enjoyment in prayer, and 
had many thoughts of joining the church. In short, I had a 
very g6od outside^ and rested entirely on my duties ; though 
I was not sensible of it. 

"After Mr. Fiske's death, I proceeded in my studies with 
my brother ; was still very constant in religious duties, often 
wondered at the levity of professors, and lamented their care- 
lessness in religious matters. — Thus I proceeded a considerable 
length on a self-righteous foundation ; and should have beeo 

■* Mr. Fiske was the pastor of the church in H^d(l9jD. 


entirely lost and undone, had not the mere mercy of God pre- 

" Sometime in the beginning of winter, 1738, it pleased 
God, one Sabbath morning, as I was walking out for prayer, 
to give me on a sudden such a sense of my danger^ and the 
wrath of God, that I stood amazed, and my former good frames 
presently vanished. From the view w^iich 1 had of my sin and 
vileness, I was much distressed all that day, fearing that the 
vengeance of God would soon overtake me. I was much de- 
jected ; kept much alone ; and sometimes envied the birds and 
beasts their happiness, because they were not exposed to eternal 
misery, as I evidently saw that I was. Thus I lived from day 
to day, being frequently in great distress : sometimes there 
appeared mountains before me to obstruct my hopes of mercy; 
and the work of conversion appeared so great, that I thought 
I should never be the subject of it. I used, however, to pray 
and cry to God, and perform other duties with great earnestness, 
and thus hoped by some means to make the case better. 

" Hundreds of times I renounced all pretences of any worth 
in my duties, as I thought, even while performing them, and 
often confesed to God that I deserved nothing for the very best 
of them, but eternal condemnation ; yet still I had a secret hope 
oi recommending myself to God by my religious duties. When I 
prayed affectionately, and my heart seemed in some measure to 
melt, I hoped that God would be thereby moved to pity me. 

My prayers then looked with some appearance oi goodness in 
them, and I seemed to mourn for sin. Then I could in some 
measure venture on the mercy of God in Christ, as I thought ; 
though \h^ preponderating thought, \hQ foundation of my hope, 
was some imagination oi goodness in my meltings of heart, the 
warmth of my affections, and my extraordinary enlargements 
in prayer. Though at times the gate appeared so very strait, 
that it looked next to impossible to enter ; yet, at other times, 
I flattered myself that it was not so very difficult, and hoped I 
should by diligence and w^atchfulness soon gain the point. 
Sometimes after enlargement in duty and considerable affec- 
tion, 1 hoped I had made a good step towards heaven ; and 
imagined that God was affected as I was, and would hear such 
sincere cries^ as I called them. And so sometimes, when I with- 
drew for secret prayer in great distress, I returned comfortable ; 
and thus healed myself with my duties. 

" In February 1739, 1 set apart a day for secret fasting and 
prayer, and spent the day in almost incessant cries to God for 
mercy, that he would open my eyes to see the evil of sin, and 
the way of life by Jesus Christ. God was pleased that day to 
make considerable discoveries of my heart to me. Still I 
trusted in all the duties I performed, though there was no 
manner of goodness in them ; there being in them no respect 


to the glory of God, nor any such principle in my heart. Yet 
God was pleased to make my endeavours, that day, a means 
to show me my helplessness in some measurd. 

" Sometimes I was greatly encouraged^ and imagined that 
God loved me, and was pleased with me, — and thought I should 
soon be fully reconciled to God. But the whole was founded 
on mere presumption^ arising from enlargement in duty, or 
warmth of affections, or some good resolutions, or the like. 
And when, at times, great distress began to arise, on a sight of 
my vileness, and inability to deliver myself from a sovereign 
God, I used to put off the discovery, as what I could not bear. 
Once, I remember, a terrible pang of distress seized me ; and 
the thought of renouncing myself, and standing naked before 
God, stripped of all goodness, was so dreadful to me, that I 
was ready to say to it, as Felix to Paul, "Go thy way for this 
time.'^ Thus, though I daily longed for greater conviction of 
sin ; supposing that I must see more of my dreadful state in 
order to a remedy ; yet, when the discoveries of my vile, 
wicked heart, were made to me, the sight was so dreadful, and 
showed me so plainly my exposedness to danmation, that I 
could not endure it. I constantly strove after whatever quaH- 
jfications I imagined others obtained before the reception of 
Christ, in order to recommend me to his favour. Sometimes I 
iek the power of a hard hearty and supposed it must be softened 
before Christ would accept of me ; and when I felt any melt- 
ings of heart, I hoped now the work was almost done. Hence, 
"when my distress still remained, I was wont to murmur at 
God's dealings with me ; and thought, when others felt their 
hearts softened, God showed them mercy ; but my distress re- 
mained still. 

'' At times I grew remiss and sluggish^ without any great 

convictions of sin, for a considerable time together ; but after 

such a season, convictions seized me more violently. One 

night I remember in particular, when I was walking solitarily 

abroad, I had opened to me such a view of my sin, that I feared 

the ground would cleave asunder under my feet, and become 

my grave ; and would send my soul quick into hell, before I 

could get home. Though I was forced to go to bed, lest my 

distress should be discovered by others, which I much feared ; 

yet I scarcely durst sleep at all, for I thought it would be a 

great wonder if I should be out of hell in the morning. And 

though my distress was sometimes thus great, yet I greatly 

dreaded the loss of convictions^ and returning back to a state 

of carnal security, and to my former insensibility of impending 

wrath.; which made me exceedingly exact in my behaviour, 

lest I should stifle the motions of God's Holy Spirit. When 

at any time I took a view of my convictions, and thought the 

jiegree of them to be considerable, I was wont to trust in them : 


but this confidence, and the hopes of soon making some notable 
advances towards deliverance, would ease my mind, and I soon 
became more senseless and remiss. — Again, when I discerned 
my convictions to grow languid, and thought them about to 
leave me, this immediately alarmed and distressed me. — 
Sometimes I expected to take a large step, and get very far to- 
wards conversion, by some particular opportunity or means I 
had in view. 

" The many disappointments, great distresses and perplexity 
which I experienced, put me into a most horrible frame of 
contesting with the Almighty ; with an inward vehemence and 
virulence, finding fault with his ways of dealing with mankind. 
I found great fault with the imputation of Adam's sin to his 
posterity : and my wicked heart often wished for some other 
way of salvation than by Jesus Christ. Being like the troubled 
sea, my thoughts confused, I used to contrive to escape the 
wrath of God by some other means. I had strange projects, 
full of atheism, contriving to disappoint God's designs and de- 
crees concerning me, or to escape his notice, and hide myself 
from him. But when, upon reflection, I saw these projects 
were vain, and would not serve me, and that I could contrive 
nothing for my own relief; this would throw my mind into the 
most horrid frame, to wish there was no God, or to wish there 
were some other God that could control him. These thoughts 
and desires were the secret inclinations of my heart, frequently 
acting before I was aware ; but, alas ! they were mine^ although 
I was frightened when I came to reflect on them. When I 
considered, it distressed me to think, that my heart was so full 
of enmity against God ; and it made me tremble, lest his ven- 
geance should suddenly fall upon me. I used before to ima- 
gine, that my heart was not so bad as the scriptures and some 
other books represented it. Sometimes I used to take much 
pains to work it up into a good frame, a humble submissive dis- 
position ; and hoped there was then some goodness in me. 
But, on a sudden, the thoughts of the strictness of the law, or 
the sovereignty of God, would so irritate the corruption of my 
heart, that 1 had so watched over, and hoped I had brought to 
a good frame, that it would break over all bounds, and burst 
forth on all sides, like floods of waters when they break down 
their dams. 

" Being sensible of the necessity of deep humiliation in order 
to a saving interest in Christ, I used to set myself to produce in 
my own heart the convictions requisite in such a humiliation ; 
as, a conviction that God would be just, if he cast me off* for 
ever ; that if ever God should bestow mercy on me, it would 
be mere grace, though I should be in distress many years first, 
and be never so much engaged in duty ; and that God was not 
in the least obliged to pity me the more for all past duties. 


cries, and tears. I strove to my utmost to bring myself to a 
firm belief of these things and a hearty assent to them ; and 
hoped that now I was brought off from myself^ truly humbled, 
and that I bowed to the divine sovereignty. 1 was wont to tell 
God in my prayers, that now I had those very dispositions of 
soul which he required, and on which he showed mercy to 
others, and thereupon to beg and plead for mercy to me. But 
when I found no relief, and was still oppressed with guilt, and 
fears of wrath, my soul was in tumult, and my heart rose 
against God, as dealing hardly with me. Yet then my con- 
science flew in my face, putting me in mind of my late confes- 
sion to God of his justice in my condemnation. This, giving 
me a sight of the badness of my heart, threw me again into 
distress ; and I wished that I had watched my heart more nar- 
rowly, to keep it from breaking out against God's dealings with 
me. I even wished that I had not pleaded for mercy on ac- 
count of my humiliation ; because thereby I had lost all my 
seeming goodness. — Thus, scores of times, I vainly imagined 
myself humbled and prepared for saving mercy. While I was 
in this distressed, bewildered, and tumultuous state of mind, 
the corruption of my heart was especially irritated with the 
following things. 

1. " The strictness of the divine Law. For I found it was 
impossible for me, after my utmost pains, to answer its de- 
mands. I often made new resolutions, and as often broke 
them. I imputed the whole to carelessness, and the want of 
bein^ more watchful, and used to call myself a fool for my 
neghgence. But when, upon a stronger resolution, and greater 
endeavours, and close application to fasting and prayer, I 
found all attempts fail ; then I quarrelled with the law of God, 
as unreasonably rigid. I thought, if it extended only to my 
outward actions and behaviours, that I could bear with it ; but 
I found that it condemned me for my evil thoughts, and sins 
of my hearty which I could not possibly prevent. I was ex- 
tremely loth to own my utter helplessness in this matter : but 
after repeated disappointments, thought that, rather than per- 
ish, I could do a little more still ; especially if such and such 
circumstances might but attend my endeavours and strivings. 
I hoped^ that I should strive more earnestly than ever, if the 
matter came to extremity, though 1 never could find the time 
to do my utmost, in the manner I intended. This hope of 
future more favourable circumstances, and of doing something 
great hereafter, kept me from utter despair in myself, and from 
seeing myself fallen into the hands of a sovereign God, and 
dependent on nothing but free and boundless grace. 

2. That faith alone was the condition of salvation ; that 
God would not come down to lower terms ; and that he would 
not promise life and salvation upon my sincere and hearty 


prayers and endeavours. That word, Mark xvi» 16, " He that 
believeth not, shall be damned," cut off all hope there. — I 
found that faith was the sovereign gift of God ; that I could 
not get it as of myself; and could not oblige God to bestow 
it upon me, by any of my performances. (Eph. ii. 1. 8.) TTltV, 
I was ready to say, is a hard sayings who can hear itP J could 
not bear, that all I had done should stand for mere nothing ; 
as I had been very conscientious in duty, had been exceeding 
religious a great while, and had, as I thought, done much 
more than many others who had obtained mercy. I confessed 
indeed the vileness of my duties ; but then, what made them 
at that time seem vile, was my wandering thoughts in them ; 
not because I was all over defiled like a devil, and the princi- 
ple corrupt from whence they flowed, so that I could not pos- 
sibly do any thing that was good. Hence I called what I did 
by the name of honest faithful endeavours ; and could not 
bear it, that God had made no promises of salvation to them. 

3. " That I could not find out lohat faith was ; or what it 
was to believe and come to Christ. 1 read the calls of Christ 
to the weary and heavy laden ; but could find no way that he 
directed them to come in. I thought I would gladly come, if 
I knew how ; though the path of duty were never so difiicult. 
I read Stoddard's Guide to Christy (which I trust was, in the 
hand of God, the happy means of my conversion,) and my 
heart Jose against the author ; for though he told me my very 
heart all along under convictions, and seemed to be veiy bene- 
ficial to me in his directions ; yet here he failed ; he did not 
tell me any thing I could do that would bring me to Christ, 
but left me as it were with a great gulf between, without any 
direction to get through. For I was not yet effectually and 
experimentally taught, that there could be no way prescribed, 
whereby a natural man cduld, of his own strength, obtain that 
which is supernatural^ and which the highest angel cannot give 

4. " The sovereignty of God. I could not bear, that it should 
be wholly at God's pleasure, to save or damn me, just as he 
would. That passage, Rom. ix. 1 1 — ^23. was a constant vex- 
ation to me, especially verse 21. Reading or meditating on 
this, always destroyed my seeming good fi-ames ; for when I 
thought I was almost humbled, and almost resigned, this pas- 
sage would make my enmity against the sovereignty of God 
appear. When I came to reflect on the inward enmity and 
blasphemy, which arose on this occasion, I was the more 
afraid of God, and driven further from any hopes of reconcilia- 
tion with him. It gave me a dreadful view of myself; I dread- 
ed more than ever to see myself in God's hands, at his sove- 
reign disposal ; and it made me more opposite than ever to 
submit to his sovereignty ; for I thought God designed my 


" All this time the Spirit of God was powerfully at work 
with me ; and I was inwardly pressed to relinquish all sdf" 
confidence^ all hopes of ever helping myself by any means 
whatsoever. The conviction of my lost estate was som^imes 
so clear and manifest before my eyes, that it was as if it had 
been declared to me in so many words, ^^ It is done, it is done, 
it is for ever impossible to deliver yourself" For about three 
or four days my soul was thus greatly distressed. At some 
turns, for a few moments, I seemed to myself Zo«^ and undone^ 
but then would shrink back immediately fron^ the sight, be- 
cause I dared not venture myself into the hands of God, as 
wholly helpless, and at the disposal of his sovereign pleasure. 
I dared not see that important truth concerning myself, that I 
was dead in trespasses and sins. But when I had, as it were, 
thrust away these views of myself at any time, I felt distressed 
to have the same discoveries of myself again ; for I greatly 
feared being given over of God to final stupidity. When I 
thought of putting it off to a more convenient season^ the con- 
viction was so close and powerful, with regard to the present 
tim^, that it was the best, and probably the only time, that I 
dared not put it off. 

" It was the sight of truth concerning myself, truth respect- 
ing iny state, as a creature fallen and alienated from God, and 
that consequently could make no demands on God for mercy, 
but niust subscribe to the absolute sovereignty of the divine 
Being; the sight of the truth, 1 say, my soul shrank away 
from, and trembled to think of beholding. Thus, he that doth 
evil, as all unregenerate men continually do, hates the light of 
truth, neither cares to come to it, because it will reprove hi9 
deeds, and show him his just deserts, John iii. 26. Sometime 
before, I had taken much pains, as I thought, to submit to thp 
sovereignty of God ; yet I mistook the thing, — and did not 
once imagine, that seeing and being made experimentally sen- 
sible of this truth, which my soul now so much dreaded and 
trembled at, was the frame of soul which I had so earnestly 
desired. 1 had ever hoped, that when I had attained to that 
humiliation, which I supposed necessary to precede faith, then 
it would not be fair for God to cast me off; but now I saw it 
was so far from any goodness in me, to own myself spiritually 
dead, and destitute of all goodness, that, on the contrary, my 
vumth would be for ever stopped by it; ^d it looked as dread-- 
fid to me, to see myself, and the relation I stood in to God — 
' 1 a sinner and crimmal, and he a great Judge and Sovereign — 
as it would be to a poor trembling creature, to venture off some 
high precipice. Hence I put it off for a minute or two, and 
tried for better circumstances to do it in ; either I must read a 
passage or two, or pray first, or something of the like nature ; 
or else put off my submission to God's sovereignty with an ob- 

VoL, X. 6 

f^ MTXOnts OF B&JlI^rTKD. 

jecticMi. that I did not know bow to submiL Bat the truth was 
I could see no saJeir in owsine mrself in the hands of a sove-' 
reign God. and couM lay no claim to any thing better than 

It was about this period that Bbaix£jj> wrote the following 
irasment. found amons his MSS. and entitled. 

- Seme gloomy ojiul despondimg tkomghis of a soml tmier comci/c- 
tions oftim, and concern for its eternal ja/rafiow.^ 

1. -* I beliere mv case is tingtdar. that none eTer had so 
iiianr strange and different thoughts and feelings as L 

2. ^ I hare been concerned much longer than many oikers 
I have known, or concerning whom I had read, who have been 
?a^in^ converted^ and yet I am left. 

3. ^ I hare triihsiood the power of conrkfions a long time ; 
and therefore I fear I shall be finally left of God 

4^ "" I never shall be converted without stronger comridiams 
and greater terrors. of cc»iscience. 

5. - I do not aim at the glory of God in any thing I do, and 
therefore I cannot hope for mercy. 

6. -^ I do not see the evil nature of sin^ nor the sin of my 
aatmre ; and therefore I am discouraged 

7. ^ The more I striee. the more T>lind and hard my heart 
LS. and the worse I grow continually. 

S. ** I fear that God never showed mercy to one so vile as L 

9. ^ I fear that I am not elected j and therefcHe must perish. 

10. - I fear that the day of grace is past with me. 

11. ^ I fear that I have committed the unpardonable sin. 

12. ^ I am an old sinner : and if God had designed m^rcy 
for me. he would have called me home to himself before 

*- After a considerable time spent in similar exercises and 
distresses, one morning, while I was walking in a soUtary place, 
as usual, I at once saw that all my contrivances and projects 
to effect or procure deliverance and salvation for myself, were 
utterly in rain ; I was brought quite to a stand, as finding my- 
self totally lost, I had thought many times before, that the 
difficulties in my way were very great ; but now I saw, in 
another and very different light, that it was for ever impossible 
for me to do any thing towards helping or delivering myselC 
I then thought of blaming myself, that I had not done more, 
and been more engaged, while I had opportunity — for it seem- 
ed now as if the season of doing was for ever over and gone — 
but I instantly saw, that let me have done what I would, it 
ifXKiId no more have tended to my helping myself, than what I 


had done; that I had made all the pleas I ever could havt^ 
made to all eternity ; and that all my pleas were vain. The 
tumult that had been before in my mind, was now quieted ; 
and I was somewhat eased of that distress which I felt while 
struggling against a sight of myself, and of the divine sove- 
reignty. I had the greatest certainty, that my state was for- 
ever miserable, for all that I could do ; and wondered that I 
had never been sensible of it before. 

" While I remained in this state, my notions respecting m> 
duties were quite different from what I had ever entertained hi 
times past. Before this, the more I did in duty, the more hard 
I thought it would be for God to cast me off; though at the 
same time I confessed, and thought I saw, that there was no 
goodness or merit in my duties ; but now, the more I did in 
prayer or any other duty, the more I saw that I was indebted 
to God for allowing me to ask for mercy ; for I saw that self- 
interest had led me to pray, and that I had never once prayed 
from any respect to the glory of God. Now I saw that thero 
was no necessary connexion between my prayers and the bo- 
stowment of divine mercy ; that they laid not the least obliga- 
tion upon God to bestow his grace upon me ; and that thero 
was no more virtue or goodness in them, than there would be 
in my paddling with my hand in the water^ (which was ihv 
comparison I had then in my mind ;) and this because they 
were not performed from any love or regard to God. I saw 
that I had been heaping up my devotions before God, fasting, 
praying, &c. pretending, and indeed really thinking sometimes, 
that I was aiming at the glory of God ; whereas 1 never once 
truly intended it, but only my own happiness. I saw that as I 
had never done any thing for God, I had no claim on any 
thing from him, but perdition, on account of my hypocrisy and 
mockery. Oh, how different did my duties now appear from 
what they used to do ! I used to charge them with sin and im- 
perfection ; but this was only on account of the wanderings 
and vain thoughts attending them, and not because I had no 
regard to God in them ; for this I thought I had. But when I 
saw evidently that I had regard to nothing but self-interest : 
then they appeared a vile mockery of God, self-worship, and a 
continual course of lies. — I saw that something worse had at- 
tended my duties than barely a few wanderings ; for the whole 
was nothing but self-worship^ and an horrid abuse of God. 

" I continued, as I remember, in this state of mind, from 
Friday morning till the Sabbath evening following, (July 12, 
1739,) when .1 was walking again in the same solitary place, 
where I was brought to see myself lost and helpless, as before 
mentioned. Here, in a mournful melancholy state, 1 was at- 
tempting to pray ; but found no heart to engage in that or any 
other duty ; my former concern, exercise, and religious aiTec- 



tions were liow gone. I thought that the Spirit of God had 
quite left me ; but still was not distressed ; yet disconsolate, as 
if there was nothing in heaven or earth could make me happy. 
Having been thus endeavouring to pray — though, as I thought, 
very stupid and senseless — ^for near half an hour ; then, as I 
was walking in a dark thick grove, unspeakable glory seemed 
to open to the view and apprehension of my soul. I do not 
mean any external brightness, for I saw no such thing; nor do 
I intend any imagination of a body of light, somewhere in the 
third heavens, or any thing of that nature ; but it was a new 
inward apprehension or view that I had of 6rorf, such as I 
never had before, nor any thing which had the least resem- 
blance of it. I stood still; wondered; and admired! I knew 
that I never had seen before any thing comparable to it for ex- 
cellency and beauty; it was widely different from all the con- 
ceptions that ever I had of God, or things divine. I had no 
particular apprehension of any one person in the Trinity, 
either the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghost ; but it appeared 
to be Divine glory. My soul rejoiced with joy unspeakable^ to 
see such a God, such a glorious divine Bemg ; and I was in- 
wardly pleased and satisfied, that he should be God over all for 
ever and ever.. My soul was so captivated and delighted with 
the excellency, loveliness, greatness, and other perfections of 
God, that I was even swallowed up in him ; at least to that de- 
gree, that I had no thought (as I remember) nX firsts about my 
own salvation, and scarce reflected that there was such a crea- 
ture as myself. 

" Thus God, I trust, brought me to a hearty disposition to 
exalt him^ and set him on the throne, and principally and ulti- 
mately to aim at his honour and glory, as King of the universe. 
I continued in this state of inward joy, peace, and astonish- 
ment, till near dark, without any sensible abatement ; and then 
began to think and examine what I had seen ; and felt sweetly 
composed in my mind all the evening following. I felt myself 
in a new world, and every thing about me appeared with a 
different aspect from what it was wont to do. At this time, 
the way of salvation opened to me with such infinite wisdom, 
suitableness, and excellency, that I wondered I should ever 
think of any other way of salvation ; was amazed that I had 
hot dropped my own contrivances, and complied with this 
lovely, blessed, and excellent way before. If I could have 
been saved by my own duties, or any other way that I had for- 
merly cotitrived, my whole soul would now have refused it. I 
wondered that all the world did not see and comply with this 
way of salvation, entirely by the righteousness of Christ, 

" The sweet relish of what I then felt, continued with me 
for several days, almost constantly, in a greater or less degree. 
— I could not but sweetly rejoice in God, lying down and 



rising up. The next Lord^s day I felt something of the same 
kind, though kiot so powerful as before. But not long after I 
was again involved in thick darkness^ and under great distress ; 
yet not of the same kind with my distress under convictions. 
I was guilty, afraid, and ashamed to come before God ; was 
exceedingly pressed with a sense of guilt : but it was not long 
before I felt, I trust, true repentance and joy in God. — About 
the latter end of August, I again fell under great darkness ; it 
seemed as if the presence of God was clean gone for ever; 
though I was not so much distressed about my spiritual state^ 
as I was at my being shut out from God's presence^ as I then 
sensibly was. But it pleased the Lord to return graciously to 
me not long after.^^ 

It was probably at this time that the following fragment was 
written, entitled 

" Some signs of Godliness. 

" The distinguishing marks of a true Christian^ taken from 
one of my old manuscripts ; where I wrote as I felt and expe- 
rienced^ and not from any considerable degree of doctrinal 
knowledge, or acquaintance with the sentiments of others in 
this point." 

1. " He has a true knowledge of the glory and excellency of 
God, that he is most worthy to be loved and praised for his own 
divine perfections. Psal. cxlv. 3. 

2. " God is his portion, Psal. Ixxiii. 25. And God's ghry, 
his great concern. Matt. vi. 22. 

3. « Holiness is his delight ; nothing he so much longs for 
as to be holy, as God is holy. Phil. iii. 9 — 12. 

4. " Sin IS his greatest enemy. This he hates, for its own 
nature, for what it is in itself, being contrary to a holy God, 
Jer. ii. 1. And consequently he hates all sin, Rom. vu. 24. 
1 John iii. 9. 

5. " The laws of God also are his delight, Psal. cxix. 97. 
Rom. vii. 22. These he observes, not out of constraint, from a 
servile fear of hell ; but they are his choice, Psal. cxix. 30. 
The strict observance of them is not his bondage, but his great- 
est liberty, ver. 45." 

" In the beginning of September I went to Yale College, 
and entered there ; but with some degree of reluctancy, fear- 
ing lest I should not be able to lead a life of strict religion, in 
the midst of so many temptations.— After this, in the vacancy, 
before I went to tarry at college, it pleased God to visit my 
soul with clearer manifestations of himself and his grace. I 


was spending some time in prayer and self-examination, when 
the Lord, by his grace, so shined into my heart, that I enjoyed 
full assurance of his favour, for that time ; and my soul was 
unspeakably refreshed with divine and heavenly enjoyments. 
At this time especially, as well as some others, sundry passages 
of God's word opened to my soul with divine clearness, pow- 
er, and sweetness, so as to appear exceeding precious, and with 
clear and certain evidence of its being the word of God. I 
enjoyed considerable sweetness in religion all the winter fol- 

" In Jan. 1740, the measles spread much in college ; and I, 
having taken the distemper, went home to Haddam. But 
some days before I was taken sick, I seemed to be greatly de- 
serted, and my soul mourned the absence of the Comforter 
exceedingly. It seemed to me, that all comfort was forever 
gone. — I prayed and cried to God for help, yet found no pre- 
sent comfort or relief. But through divine goodness, a night 
or two before I was taken ill, while I was walking alone in a 
very retired place, and engaged in meditation and prayer, I en- 
joyed a sweet refreshing visit, as I trust, from above ; so ths^t 
my soul was raised far above the fears of death. Indeed, I 
rather longed for death than feared it. Oh, how much more 
refreshing this one season was, than all the pleasures and de 
lights that earth can afford ! After a day or two I was taken 
with the measles, and was very ill indeed, so that I almost des- 
paired of life ; but had no distressing fears of death at all. 
Through divine goodness, I soon recovered ; yet, owing to 
hard study, and to my being much exposed on account of my 
freshmanship^ as I had but Tittle time for spiritual duties, my 
soul often mourned for want of more time and opportunity to 
be alone with God. In the spring and summer following, I 
had better advantages for retirement, and enjoyed more com- 
fort in religion. My ambition in my studies greatly wronged 
the activity and vigour of my spiritual life ; yet, usually, " in 
the multitude of my thoughts within me, God's comforts prin" 
cvpcdly delighted my soul." These were my greatest consola- 
tions day by day. 

" One day, I think it was in June, 1740, 1 walked to a con- 
siderable distance from college, in the fields alone, at noon 
and in prayer found such unspeakable sweetness and delight in 
God, that I thought, if I must continue still in this evil world, 
I wanted always to be there, to behold God's glory. My soul 
dearly loved all mankind, and longed exceedingly that they 
should enjoy what I enjoyed. It seemed to be a little resem- 
blance of heaven. On Lord's day, July 6, being sacrament-day, 
I found some divine life and spiritual refreshment in that holy 
ordinance. When I came from the Lord's table, I wondered 
how my fellow-students could live as I was sensible most did. 



—Next Lord's day, July 13, 1 had some special sweetness in 
religion. — Again, Lord's day, July 20, my soul was in a sweet 
and precious frame. 

" Some time in August following, I became so weakly and 
disordered, by too close application to my studies, that I was 
advised by my tutor to go home, and disengage my mind from 
study as much as I could ; for I was grown so weak, that I be- 
gan to spit blood. I took his advice, and endeavoured to lay 
aside my studies. But being brought very low I looked death 
in the face more steadfastly ; and the Lord was pleased to give 
me renewedly a sweet sense and relish of divine things ; and 
particularly October 13, 1 found divine help and consolation in 
the precious duties of secret prayer and self-examination, and 
my soul took delight in the blessed God ; — so likewise on the 
17th of October. 

Oct. 18. " In my morning devotions, my soul was exceedingly 
melted, and bitterly mourned over my great sinfulness and vile- 
ness. I never before had felt so pungent ana deep a sense of 
the odious nature of sin, as at this time. My soul was then 
unusally carried forth in love to God, and had a lively sense of 
God's love to me. And this love and hope, at that time, cast 
out fear. Both morning and evening I spent some time in 
self-examination, to find the truth of grace, as also my fitness 
to approach God at his table the next day ; and through infi- 
nite grace, found the holy Spirit influencing my soul with love 
to God, as a witness within myself. 

Lord^s day^ Oct. 19. " In the morning I felt my soul hunger^ 
ing and thirsting after righteousness. In the forenoon, while I 
was looking on the sacramental elements, and thinking that 
Jesus Christ would soon be " set forth crucified before me,'* 
my soul was filled with light and love, so that I was almost in 
an ecstacy ; my body was so weak, I could scarcely stand. I 
felt at the same time an exceeding tenderness and most fervent 
love towards all mankind ; so that my soul and all the powers 
of it seemed, as it were, to melt into softness and sweetness. 
But during the communion, there was some abatement of this 
life and fervour. This love and joy cast out fear ; and my soul 
longed for perfect grace and glory. This frame continued till 
the evening, when my soul was sweetly spiritual in secret duties. 

Ocf.20. "I again found the assistance of the Holy Spirit in 
secret duties, both morning and evening, and life and comfort 
m religion through the whole day. — Oct. 21. I had likewise ex- 
perience of the goodness of God in " shedding abroad his 
love in my heart," and giving me delight and consolation in 
religious duties ; and all the remaining part of the week my 
soul seemed to be taken up with divine things. I now so 
longed after God, and to be freed fi-om sin, that when I felt niy- 
self recovering, and thought I must return to college again, 


which had proved so hurtful to my spiritual interest the year 
past, I could not but be sieved, and thought I had much ra- 
ther have died ; for it distressed me to think of getting away 
from God. But before I went, I enjoyed several other sweet 
and precious seasons of communion with God, (particularly 
Oct. 30, and Nov. 4,) wherein my soul enjoyed unspeakable 

" I returned to college about Nov. 6, and, through the good- 
ness of God, felt the power of religion almost daily, for the 
space of six weeks. — Nov. 28. In my evening devotion, I 
enjoyed precious discoveries of God, and was unspeakably 
refreshed with that passage, Heb. xii. 22 — ^24. My soul long- 
ed to wing away to the paradise of God ; I longed to be con- 
formed to God in all things. — A day or two after, I enjoyed 
much of the light of God's countenance, most of the day; and 
my soul rested in God. 

Dec. 9. " I was in a comfortable frame of soul most of the 
day ; but especially in evening devotions, when God was 
pleased wonderfully to assist and strengthen me; so that I 
thought nothing should ever move me from the love of God in 
Christ Jesus my Lord, — Oh ! one hour with God infinitely ex- 
ceeds all the pleasures" and delights of this lower world. 

" Towards the latter end of January, 1741, 1 grew more cold 
and dull in religion, by means of my old temptation, viz. ambi- 
tion in my studies. — But through divine goodness, a great and 
general Awakening spread itself over the college, about the lat- 
ter end of February, in which I was much quickened, and more 
abundantly engaged in religion." 

This awakening was at the beginning of that extraordinary 
reUgious commotion, through the land, which is fresh in every 
one's memory. It was for a time very great and general at 
New-Haven ; and the college had no small share in it. That 
society was greatly reformed ; the students, in general^ became 
serious, ma?iy of them remarkably so, and much engaged in 
the concerns of their eternal salvation. However undesirable 
the issue of the awakenings of that day have appeared in ma- 
ny others^ there have been manifestly happy and abiding effects 
of the impressions then made on the minds of many of the mem- 
bers of that college. By all that I can learn concerning Brain- 
ERD, there can be no reason to doubt but that he had much of 
God's gracious presence, and of the lively actings of true grace, 
at that time ; yet he was afterwards abundantly sensible, that 
his religious experiences and affections at that time were not 
free from a corrupt mixture, nor his conduct to be acquitted 
from many things that were imprudent and blameable ; which 
he greatly lamented himself, and was desirous that others should 
not make an ill use of such an example. Hence, although at 
the time he kept a constant diary, containing a very particular 


account of what passed from day to day, for the next thirteen 
months, from the latter end of Jan. 1741, forementioned, in 
two small books, which he called the two first volumes of his 
diary, next following the account before given of his convictions, 
conversion, and consequent comforts; yet, when he lay on his 
death-bed, he gave orders (unknown to me till after his death) 
that these two volumes should be destroyed ; and in the begin- 
ning of the third book of his diary, he wrote thus, (by the 
hand of another, he not being able to write himself,) ^^The 
two preceding volumes, immediately following the account of 
the author^s conversion, are lost. If any are desirous to know 
how the author lived, in general, during that space of time, let 
them read the first thirty pages of this volume ; where they will 
find somewhat of a specimen of his ordinary manner of living, 
through that whole space of time, which was about thirteen 
months ; except that here he was more refined from some »m- 
pmdences and indecent heats^ than there ; but the spirit of de- 
votion running through the whole^ was the same.'' 

It could not be otherwise than that one whose heart had 
been so prep»'ed and drawn to God, as Brainerd's had been, 
should be mightily enlarged, animated, and engaged at the 
sight of such an alteration made in the college, the town, and 
country; and so great an appearance of men reforming their 
liveS) and turning from their profaneness and immorality, to se- 
rioo8Hies& and concern for their salvation, and of religion re- 
viving and flourishing almost every where. But as an intem- 
perate imprudent zeal, and a degree of enthusiasm soon crept 
in^ and mingled itself with that revival of religion ; and so 
great and general an awakening being quite a new thing in the 
mnd, at least as to all the living inhabitants of it; neither peo- 
ple nor ministers had learned thoroughly to distinguish between 
solid religion and its delusive counterfeits. Even many ministers 
of the gospel, of long standing and the best reputation, were for a 
time overpowered with the glaring appearances of the latter ; 
and therefore, surely it was not to be wondered at, that young 
BRAiNSRD,but a sophomore at college,should be so ; who wasnot 
only young in years, but very young in religion and experience. 
He had enjoyed but little advantage for the study of divinity, 
and still less for observing the circumstances and events of such 
an extraordincffy state of things. To think it strange, a man 
must divest himself of all reason. In these disadvantageous 
circumstances, Brainerd had the unhappiness to have a tinC" 
ture of that intemperate, indiscreet zeal, which was at that 
time too prevalent ; and was led, from his high opinion of 
Others whom he looked upon as better than himself, into such 
errors as were really contrary to the habitual temper of his 
mind. One instance of his misconduct at that time, gave 
grelat offence to the rulers of the college, even to fliat degree 

Vol. X. 7 


that they expelled him the society; which it is necessary 
should be here particularly related, with its circumstances. 

During the awakening at college, there were several religious 
students who associated together for mutual conversation and 
assistance in spiritual things. These were wont freely to open 
themselves one to another, as special and intimate friends ; 
Brainerd was one of this company. And it once happened, 
that he and two or three more of these intimate friends were in 
the hall together, after Mr. Whittelsey, one of the tutors, had 
engaged in prayer with the scholars ; no other person now re- 
maining in the hall but Brainerd and his companions. Mr. 
Whittelsey having been unusually pathetic in his prayer, one of 
Brainerd ^s friends on this occasion asked him what ne thought 
of Mr. Whittelsey ; he made answer, " He has no more grace 
than this chair," One of the freshmen happening at that 
time to be near the hall, (though not in the room,) over-heard 
these words. This person, though he heard no name mention- 
ed, and knew not who was thus censured, informed a certain 
woman in the town, withal telling her his own suspicion, viz. 
that he believed Brainerd said this of some one or other of 
the rulers of the college. Whereupon she went and informed 
tlie Rector^ who sent for i\m freshman and examined him. He 
told the Rector the words which he heard Brainerd utter ; 
and informed him who were in the room with him at that time. 
Upon this the Rector sent for them. They were very back- 
ward to inform against their friend respecting what they look- 
ed upon as private conversation ; especially as none but they 
had heard or knew of whom he had uttered those words ; yet 
the Rector compelled them to declare what he said, and of 
whom he said it. — Brainerd looked on himself as very ill used 
in the management of this affair ; and thought that it was in- 
juriously extorted from his friends, and then injuriously required 
of him — as' if he had been guilty of some open, notorious 
crime — to make ^public confession, and to humble himself be- 
fore the whole college in the hall, for what he had said only in 
private conversation. — He not complying with this demand, 
and having gone once to the separate meeting at New-Haven, 
when forbidden by the Rector ; and also having been accused 
by one person of saying concerning the Rector, " that he won- 
dered he did not expect to drop down dead for fining the scho- 
lars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, though there was 
no proof oi it ; (and Brainerd ever professed that he did not 
remember his saying any thing to that purpose ;) for these 
things he was expelled the college. 

How far the circumstances and exigencies of that day might 
justify such great severity in the governors of the college, I will 
not undertake to determine ; it being my aim, not to bring 
reproach on the authority of the college, but only to do justice 



to the memory of a person, who was I think, eminently one ot 
those whose memory is blessed. — The reader will see, in the se- 
quel of the story of Brainerd^s life,* what his own thoughts 
afterwards were of his behaviour in these things, and in now 
Christian a manner he conducted himself, with respect to this 
affair; though he ever, as long as he lived, supposed 
himself ill used in the management of it, and in what he suf- 
fered. — His expulsion was in the winter, 1742, while in hi« 
third year at college. 

* Particularly under the date, Sept. 14» 1743. 


From about the time when he began the study of Theology^ to 

his Licensure. 

In the Spring of 1742, Brainerd went to live with the Rev. 
Mr. Mills of Ripton, to pursue his studies with him, for the 
work of the ministry. Here he spent the greater part of the 
time until the Association licensed him to preach ; but frequent- 
ly rode to visit the neighbouring ministers, particularly Mr. 
Cooke of Stratford, Mr. Graham of Southbury, and Mr. Bel- 
lamy of Bethlehem. While with Mr, Mills, he began the third 
book of his diary in which the account he wrote of himself, is 
as follows : 

April 1, 1742. " I seem to be declining, with respect to my 
life and warmth in divine things; and have had not so free ac- 
cess to God in prayer, as usual of late. Oh that God would 
humble me deeply in the dust before him ! I deserve hell every 
day, for not loving my Lord more, who has, I trust, loved me 
and given himself for me ; and every time 1 am enabled to ex- 
ercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the 
God of all grace for special assistance. Where then is boast- 
ing P Surely it is excluded, when we think how we are depend- 
ent on God for the existence and every act of grace. O if ever 
I get to heaven, it will be because God pleases and nothing 
else ; for I never did any thing of myself, but get away from 
God I My soul will be astonished at the unsearchable riches 
of divine grace, when I arrive at the mansions, which the bles- 
sed Saviour is gone before to prepare. 

April 2. " In the afternoon, I felt in secret prayer, much re- 
signed, calm and serene. What are all the storms of this lower 
world, if Jesus by his spirit does but come walking on the 
seas ! — Sometime past, I had much pleasure in the prospect 
of the Heathen being brought home to Ctirist, and desired that 
the Lord vtrould employ me in that work : but now my sod 
more frequently desires to die, to be with Christ. Oh that my 
soul were wrapt up in divine love, and my longing desires after 
God increased ! In the evening, was refreshed in prayer, with 
the hopes of the advancement of Christ^s kingdom in the world. 

April 3. " Was very much amiss this morning, and had a 
bad night. I thought, if God would take me to himself now, 
my souTwould exceedingly rejoice. Oh that I may be always 


humble and resigned to God, and that he would cause my soul 
to be more fixed on himself, that I may be more fitted both for 
doing and suffering, 

hordes day^ April 4. " My heart was wandering and life- 
less. In the evening God gave me faith in prayer, made my 
soul melt in some measure, and gave me to taste a divine 
sweetness. O my blessed God ! Let me climb up near to him, 
and love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and stretch after 
him, and for deliverance from the body of sin and death. — 
Alas ! my soul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its 
beloved again. " O come. Lord Jesus, Amen." 

On the evening of the next day^ he complains, that he seem- 
ed to be void of all relish of divine things, felt much of the 
prevalence of corruption, and saw in himself a disposition to 
all manner of sin ; which brought a very great gloom on his 
mind, and cast him down into the depths of melancholy ; so 
that he speaks of himself as amazed, having no comfort, but 
filled with horror, seeing no comfort in heaven or earth. 

April 6. y I walked out this morning to the same place where 
I was last iiight, and felt as I did then ; but was somewhat re- 
lieved by reading some passages in my diary, and seemed to 
feel as if I might pray to the great God again with freedom ; 
but was suddenly struck with a damp, from the sense I had of 
my own vileness. — Then I cried to God to cleanse me from 
my exceeding filthiness, to give me repentance and pardon. I 
then began to find it sweet to pray ; and could think of under^ 
going the greatest sufferings in the cause of Christ, with plea- 
sure ; and found myself willing, if God should so order it, to 
suffer banishment from my native land, among the Heathen, 
that I might do something for their salvation, in distresses and 
deaths of any kind. — Then God gave me to wrestle earnestly 
for others, for the kingdom of Christ in the world, and for dear 
Christian friends. — I felt weaned from the world, and from my 
own reputation amongst men, willing to be despised^ and to be 
a gazing stock for the world to behold. — It is impossible for 
me to express how I then felt : I had not much joy, but some 
sense of the majesty of God, which made me as it were trem- 
ble* I saw myself mean and vile, which made me more wil- 
ling that God should do what he would with me ; it was all in- 
finitely reasonable. 

April 7. " I had not so much fervency, but felt somewhat as 
I did yesterday morning, in prayer. — At noon I spent some 
time in secret, with some fervency, but scarce any sweetness ; 
and felt very dull in the evening. 

April 8. " Had raised hopes to-day respecting the Heathen. 
G^ that God would bring in great numbers of them to Jesus 


Christ ! I cannot but hope that I shall see that glorious day, — 
Every thing in this world seems exceeding vile and little to 
me ; I look so on myself. — I had some littJe dawn af comfort 
to-day in prayer ; but especially to-night, I think I had some 
faith and power of intercession with God. I was enabled to 
plead with God for the growth of grace in myself; and many 
of the dear children of God then lay with weight upon my 
soul. Blessed be the Lord ! It is good to wrestle for divine 

Apru 9. " Most of my time in morning devotion was spent 
without sensible sweetness, yet I had one delightful prospect of 
arriving at the heavenly world. I am more amazed than ever 
at such thoughts ; for I see myself infinitely vile and unworthy. 
I feel very heartless and dull ; and though I long for the pre- 
sence of God, and seem constantly to reach towards God in de- 
sires : yet I cannot feel that divine and heavenly sweetness 
that I used to enjoy. — No poor creature stands in need of di- 
vine grace more than I, and none abuse it more than I have 
done, and still do. 

April 10. " Spent much time in secret prayer this morning, 
not without some comfort in divine things, and hope I had 
some faith in exercise ; but am so low, and feel so little of the 
sensible presence of God, that I hardly know what to call faith, 
and am made to possess the sins of my youths and the dread- 
ful sin of my nature. I am all sin ; I cannot think nor act, 
but every motion is sin. I feel some faint hopes, that God will^ 
of his infinite mercy, return* again with showers of converting 
grace to poor gospel-abusing sinners ; and my hopes of being 
employed in the cause of God, which of late have been almost 
extinct, seem now a little revived. Oh that all my late dis- 
tresses and awful apprehensions, might prove but Christ's 
school, to make me fit for greater service, by teaching me the 
great lesson of humility ! 

Lord^s Day^ April 11. "In the morning I felt but little life, 
except that my heart was somewhat drawn out in thankfulness 
to God, for his amazing grace and condescension to me, in past 
influences and assistances of his spirit. Afterwards, I had 
some sweetness in the thoughts of arriving at the heavenly 
world. O for the happy day ! After public worship, God gave 
me special assistance in prayer ; I wrestled with my dear Lord, 
with much sweetness ; and intercession was made a delightful 
enfiployment to me. In the evening, as I was viewing the light 
in the north, I was delighted in contemplation on the glorious 
morning of the Resurrection. 

Apru 12. " This morning the Lord was pleased to lift up 
the light of his countenance upon me in secret prayer, and made 
the season very precious to my soul. Though I have been so 
depressed of late, respecting my hopes of future serviceableness 


in the cause of God; yet now I had much encouragement res- 
pecting that matter. I was especially assisted to intercede 
and plead for poor souls, and for the enlargement of Christ's 
kingdom in the world, and for special grace for myself, to fit me 
for special services. I felt exceedingly calm, and quite resigned 
to God, respecting my future employment, when and where he 
pleased. My faith lifted me above the world, and removed all 
those mountains over which of late I could not look. I wanted 
not the favour of man to lean upon ; for I knew that Christ's fa- 
vour was infinitely better, and that it was no matter when nor 
where nor how Christ should send me, nor what trials he should 
still exercise me with, if I might be prepared for his work and 
will. I now found revived in my mind, the wonderful discovery 
of infinite wisdom in all the dispensations of God towards me, 
which I had, a little before I met with my great trial at college ; 
every thing appeared full of divine wisdom. 

April 13. "I saw myself to be very mean and vile; and 
wondered at those who showed me respect. Afterwards I was 
somewhat comforted in secret retirement, and assisted to 
wrestle with God with some power, spirituality, and sweetness. 

Blessed be the Lord, he is never unmindful of me, but always 
sends me needed supplies ; and from time to time, when I am 
like one dead, he raises me to life. Oh that I may never distrust 
Infinite goodness ! 

April 14. " My soul longed for communion with Christ, 
and for the mortification of mdwelling corruption, especially 
spiritual pride. O, there is a sweet day coming, wherein the 
weary will be at rest! My soul has enjoyed much sweetness 
this day, in the hopes of its speedy arrival. 

April 15. " My desires apparently centered in God ; and 1 
found a sensible attraction of soul after him sundry times to-day. 

I know that / long for God^ and a conformity to his will, in 
inward purity and holiness, ten thousand times more than for 
any thing here below. 

April 16 and 17. " I seldom prayed without some sensible 
joy in the Lord. Sometimes I longed much to be dissolved 
and to be with Christ, Oh that God would enable me to grow 
in grace every day ! Alas ! my barrenness is such that God 
might well say. Cut it down. I am afraid of a dead heart on 
the Sabbath now begun. Oh that God would quicken me by 
his grace ! 

Lord'^s day April 18. " I retired early this morning into the 
woods for prayer ; had the assistance of God's Spirit, and faith 
in exercise ; and was enabled to plead with fervency for the ad- 
vancement of Christ's kingdom in the world, and to intercede 
for dear, absent friends. At noon, God enabled me to wrestle 
with him, and to feel, as I trust, the power of divine love, in 


prayer. At night I saw myself infinitely indebted to God, and 
had a view of my failures in duty. It seemed to me, that I had 
done, as it were, nothing for God, and that I never had lived 
to him but a few hours of my life. 

April 19. " I set apart this day for fasting and prayer to 
God for his grace ; especially to prepare me for the work of the 
ministry^ to give me divine aid and direction, in my prepara- 
tions for that great work ; and in his own time to send me into 
his harvest. Accordingly, in the morning, I endeavoured to 
plead for the divine presence for the day, and not without 
some life. In the forenoon, I felt the power of intercession for 
precious, immortal souls ; for the advancement of the kingdom 
of my dear Lord and Saviour in the world ; and withal, a most 
sweet resignation, and even consolation and joy, in the thoughts 
of sufiering hardships, distresses, and even death itself, in the 
promotion of it ; and had peculiar enlargement in pleading for 
the enlightening and conversion of the poor Heathen. In the 
afternoon, God was with me of a truth. O, it was blessed 
company indeed ! God enabled me so to agonize in [»*ayer, 
that I was quite wet with perspiration, though in the shade, 
and the cool wind. My soul was drawn out very much fi^m 
the world, for multitudes of souls. I thiiik I had more enlarge* 
ment for sinners, than for the children of God, though I felt as if 
I could spend my life in cries for both. I enjoyed great sweet- 
ness in communion with my dear Saviour. I think I never in 
my life felt such an entire weanedness from this world and so 
much resigned to God in every thing. Oh that I may always 
live to and upon my blessed God ! Amen, Amen. 

April 20. " This day, I am twenty-four years of age. O 
how much mercy have I received the year past ! How often 
has God caused his goodness to pass before me! And how 
poorly have I answered the vows I made this time twelve- 
month, to be wholly the Lord's, to be forever devoted to his 
service ! The Lord help me to live more to his glory for the 
time to come. This has been a sweet, a happy day to me ; 
blessed be God. I think my soul was never so drawn out 
in intercession for others^ as it has been this night. Had a 
most fervent wrestle with the Lord to-night for my enemies ; 
and I hardly ever so longed to li^e to God and to be altogether 
devoted to him ; I wanted to wear out my life in his service, 
and for his glory. 

April 21. " Felt much calmness and resignation ; and God 
agam enabled me to wrestle for numbers of souls, and had 
much fervency in the sweet duty of intercession. I enjoyed of 
late more sweetness in intercession for others, than in any 
other part of prayer. My blessed Lord really let me come 
near to him and plead ivith him.'^'^ 


The frame of mind, and exercises of soul, which he ex- 
presses the three days next following, axe much of the same 
kind with those expressed the two days past. 

Lord*8 day, April 25. " This morning, I spent about two 
hours in secret duties, and was enabled, more than ordinarily, 
to agonize for immortal souls ; though it was early in the morn- 
ing, and the sun scarcely shined at all, yet my body was quite 
wet with sweat. I felt much pressed now, as fi'equently of late, 
to plead for the meekness and calnmess of the Lamb of God 
in my soul ; and through divine goodness, felt much of it this 
morning. O it is a sweet disposition, heartily to forsive all 
injuries done us ; to wish our greatest enemies as weU, as we 
do our own souls ! Blessed Jesus, may I daily be more and 
more conformed to thee ! At night, I was exceedingly melted 
with divine love, and had some feeling sense of the blessedness of 
the upper world. Those words hung upon me, with much divine 
sweetness, Psal. Ixxxiv. 7. They go from strength to strength, 
every one of them in Zion appear eth before God : O the near 
access that God sometimes gives us in our addresses to him ! 
This may well be termed ceppearinff before God : it is so in-> 
deed, in the true spiritual sense, and in the sweetest sense. I 
think that I have not had such power of intercession these 
many months, both for God^s children, and for dead sinners, 
as I nave had this evening. I wished and longed for the com- 
ing of my dear Lord : 1 longed to join the angelic hosts in 
praises, wnoUy free from imperfection. O, the blessed moment 
hastens ! All I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. 
Oh for sanctification I Mv very soul pants for the complete 
irestoration of the blessed image of my Saviour ; that I may 
be fit for the blessed enjoyments and employments of the hea- 
venly world. 

'^ Farewell, vain world ; my soul can bid adieu : 
*^ Tour Saviour taught me to abandon you. 
*^ Your charms may g;ratify a sevsitax* mind ; 
** But cannot please a soul for Goi> design'd. 
•( Forbear t' entice, cease then my soul to call : 
'^'Tis fixed through grace ; my God shall be my All« 
*^ While he tiius lets me heavenly glories view, 
'^ Tour beauties &de, my heart ^s no room for you." 

"The Lord refreshed my soul with many sweet passages of 
his word. O the New Jerusalem ! my soul longed for it. O 
the song of Moses and the Lamb ! And that blessed song that 
no man can learn, but they who are redeemed from the earth ! 
and the glorious white robes, that were given to the souls under 
the altar! 

" Lord, Vm a stranger here alone ; 
" Earth no true comforts can afford : 
^^ Tet, absent from my dearest one, 
" My soul delights to cry * My Lord " 

Vol. X, « 

^ aiEifoms or brainebp. 

** Jbsus, my Lord, my only love, 
*^ Possess my soal, nor thence depart ; 
'^ Grant me kind visits, heavenly dove ; 
^^ My God shall then have all my heart." 

April 26. " Continued in a sweet frame of mind; but in the 
afternoon, felt somewhat of spiritual pride stirrins. God was 
pleased to make it a humbling season at first ; tnough after- 
wards he gave me sweetness. O my soul exceedingly lonss 
for that blessed state of perfect deliverance from aU sin ! At 
night, God enabled me to give my soul up to him, to cast m]^- 
self upon him, to be ordered and dispos^ of according to ms 
sovereign pleasure ; and I enjoyed great peace and consolation 
in so doing. My soul took sweet delight in God ; my thoughts 
freely and sweetly centered in him. O that I could spend every 
moment of my life to his glory ! 

April 27. " I retired pretty early for secret devotions ; and in 
prayer, God was pleased to pour such ineffable comforts into 
my soul, that I could do nothing for some time but say over 
and over, ' O my sweet Saviour ! O my sweet Saviour ! whom 
have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that 
I desire beside tbee.^ If I had had a thousand lives, my soul would 
gladly haye laid them all down at once, to have been with 
Christ. My soul never enjoyed so much of heaven before; it 
was the most refined and most spiritual season of communion 
with God, I e vei^ yet felt. I never felt so ^eat a degree of resigna- 
tion in my life. In the afternoon, I withdrew, to meet with my 
God, but found myself much declined, and God made it a 
humbling season to my soul. I mourned over the body of 
death that is in me. It grieved me exceedingly, that I could 
not pray to and praise God with my heart ftiU of divine hea- 
venly love. Oh that my sotil might never offer any dead, cold 
services to my God ! In the evening had not so much divine 
love^ as in the morning ; but had a sweet season of fervent 

April 28. "I withdrew to my usual place of retirement, in great 
peace and tranquillity, spent about two hours in secret duties, 
and felt much as I did yesterday morning, only weaker, and 
more overcome. I seemed to depend whcJly on my dear Lord ; 
wholly weaned from all other dependencies. I knew not what 
To say to my God, but only lean on his bosom^ as it were, and 
breathe out my desires after a perfect conformity to him in all 
things. Thirsting desires, and insatiable longings, possessed my 
soul after perfect holiness. God was so precious to my soul, 
that the world, with all its enjoyments, was infinitely vile. I 
had no more value for the favour of men, than for pebbles. 
The Lord was my all, and that he over-ruled all, greatly de- 
lighted me. I think that my faith and dependence on God, 
srcarce ever rose so high. I saw him such a Fountain of good- 


ness, that it seemed impossible I should distrust liim again, or 
be any way anxious about any thing that should happen to me. 
1 now enjoyed great sweetness in praying for absent friends, and 
for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom in the world. Much 
of the power of these divine enjoyments remained with me 
through the day. In the evening, my heart seemed to melt, 
and I trust was really humbled for indwelling corruption, and I 
mourned like a dove. I felt that all my unhappiness arose from 
mv being a sinner. With resignation, I could bid welcome to 
all other ^tnnis ; but sin hung heavv upon me ; for God disco- 
vered to me the corruption of my heart I went to bed with a 
heavy heart, because I was a sinner : though I did not in the 
least doubt of God's love. O that God would j^tir^e aw(w my 
dross^ and takeaway my tin^ and make me ten times refined I 
April 29. ^^ I was kept off at a distance from God ; — but had 
some enlargement in intercession for precious souls. 

April 30. *'*' I was somewhat dejected in spirit : nothing 
grieves me so much, as that I cannot live constantly to God's 
glory. I could bear any desertion or spiritual conflicts, if I 
could but have my heart all the while burning within me with 
love to God and desires of his glory. But this is impossible : 
for when I feel these, I cannot be dejected in my soul, but only 
rgoice m mj^ iSoviotfr, who has deUvered me from the reigning 
power, and will shortly deliver me from the indwelling of sin. 
May 1. ** I was enabled to cry to God with fervency for mi- 
nisterial qualifications, that he would appear for the advance- 
ment of his own kingdom, and that he would brin§ in the Hea- 
then. Had much assistance in laf studies. This has been a 
profitable week to me ; I have enjoyed manj communications 
of the blessed Spirit in my soul. 

JLord^s day^ May 2. ^^ God was pleased this morning to give 
me such a sight of myself, as made me appear verv vue in my 
ovirn eyes, f felt corruption stirring in my heart, which I could 
by means suppress ; felt more and more deserted ; was exceed- 
ing wesi, and almost sick with my inward trials. 

May 3. «^ Had a sense of vile ingratitude. In the morning 
I withdrew to my usual place of retirement, and mourned for 
my abuse of my dear Lord ; spent the day in fasting and prayer. 
God gave me much power of wrestUng for his cause and king- 
dom ; and it was a happy day to my soul. God was with me 
all the day ; and I was more above the world, than ever in mv 

Through the remaining part of this week^ he complains al- 
most every day of desertion, inward trials and conflicts, at- 
tended with dejeciton oi spirit ; yet speaks of times of relief 
and sweetness, and daily refreshing visits of the divine Spirit, 
affording special assistance and comfort, and enabling him, at 


times, to enjoy mueh fervency and enlargement in religiouis 

Lord's day^ May 9. " I think I never felt so much of the 
cursed pride of my heart, as well as the 8tuhbomne$8 of my 
will before. O dreadful ! what a vile wretch I am ! I could 
submit to be nothing, and to lie down in the dust Oh that 
God would humble me in the dust ! I felt myself such a sin- 
ner, all day, that I had scarce any comfort. Oh when shall I 
be delivered ^rom the body of this death! I greatly feared, lest 
through stupidity and carelessness I should lose the benefit of 
these trials. Oh that they might be sanctified to my soul ! 
Nothing seemed to touch me but only this, that I was a sin- 
ner. — Had fervency and refi-eshment in social prayer in the 

May 10. ^^ I rode to New-Haven ; saw some Christian friends 
there ; and had comfort in joining in prayer with them, and 
hearing of die goodness oi God to them, since I last saw 


May 11. " I rode from New-Haven to Wethersfield ; was 
very dull most of the day ; had little spirituality in this journey, 
though I often longed to be alone with God ; was much per- 

Elexed with vile thoughts; was sometimes afi*aid of every thing: 
ut God was my Helper » Catched a little time for returement 
in the evening, to my comfort and rejoicing. Alas ! 1 cannot 
live in the midst of a tumult. I long to enjoy God alone. 

May 12. "I had a distressing view of the pride, enmity and 
vileness of my heart. Afterwards had sweet refreshment in 
conversing and worshipping God, with Christian friends. 

May 13. " Saw so much of the wickedness of my heart, that 
I longed to get away from myself. I never before thought that 
there was so much spiritual pride in my soul. I felt almost 
pressed to death with my own vileness. O what a body of death 
is there in me ! Lord^ deliver my soul! I could not fmd any 
convenient place for retirement, and was greatly exercised. 
Rode to Hartford in the afternoon : had some refreshment and 
comfort in religious exercises with Christian friends ; but long- 
ed for more retirement. O the closest walk with God is the 
sweetest heaven that can be enjoyed on earth ! 

May 14. ^^I waited on a council of ministers convened at 
Hartford, and spread before them the treatment I had met with 
from the rector and tutors of Yale College ; who thought it 
adviseable to intercede for me with the rector and trustees, and 
to intreat them to restore me to my former privileges in col- 
lege.* After this, spent some time in religious exercises with 
Christian friends. 

* Tbt application which was then made on his behalf, had not the desired 



May 15. ^' I rode from Hartford to Hebron ; was somewhat 
dejected on the road; appeared exceeding vile in my own 
eyes, saw much pride and stubbornness in my heart. Indeed 
I never saw such a week as this before ; for I have been almost 
ready to die with the view of the wickedness of my heart. I 
could not have thought I had such a body of death in me. Oh 
that God would deliver my soul P^ 

The three next days (which he spent at Hebron, Lebanon, 
and Norwich) he complains still of dulness and desertion, 
and expresses a sense ot his vileness, and longing to hide him- 
self in some cave or den of the earth ; but yet speaks of some 
intervals of comfort and soul-refreshment each day. 

May 19. ^^ (At Millington) I was so amazingly deserted this 
morning, that I seemed to feel a sort of horror in my soul. 
Alas ! when God withdraws, what is there that can aiford any 
comfort to the soul !^^ 

Through the eight days next following^ he expresses more 
calnmess and comfort, and considerable life, fervency, and 
sweetness in religion. 

May 28. " (At New-Haven) I think I scarce ever felt so 
calm in my life ; I rejoiced in resignation^ and giving myself 
up to God, to be wholly and entirely devoted to mm for ever." 

On the three following days^ there was, by the account he 
gives, a continuance of the same excellent frame of mind last 
expressed ; but it seems not to be altogether to so great a degree. 

June 1. " Had much of the presence of God in family pray- 
er, and had some comfort in secret. I was greatly refreshed 
from the word of God this morning, which appeared exceed- 
ingly sweet to me ; some things which appeared mysterious, 
were opened to me. Oh that the kingdom of the dear Sa- 
viour might come with power, and the healing waters of the 
isanctuary spread far and wide for the healing of the nations ! 
— Came to Ripton ; but was very weak. However, being visi- 
ted by a number of young people in the evening, I prayed 
with them." 

The remaining part of this week^ he speaks of being much 
diverted and hindered m the business of religion, by great 
Hreakness of body, and necessary affairs, to which he had to 

attend : and complains of having but little power in religion ; 

but observes, that God hereby showed him, that he was like a 

Helpless infant cast out in the open field. 

Hi MEMOIRii OF BRAIN£R1>. , -;>t%- \ 

Lord^s day^ June 6. '' I feel much desertG|^i but all thisj 
teaches me my nothingness and vUeness more man ever. 

June 7. " Felt still powerless in secret prayer. Afterwards 1 
prayed and conversed with some little life. God feeds me with 
crumbs ; blessed be his name for any thing. I felt a great de- 
sire that all God^s people, might know how mean and little and 
vile I am ; that they might see I am nothing, that so they may 
pray for me aright, and not have the least dependence upon me. 

June 8. " I enjoyed one sweet and precious see n this day ; 
I never felt it so sweet to be nothings and less ^an nothing, 
and to be accounted nothing.^^ 

The three next days he complains of desertion, and want of 
fervency in religion ; but yet his diary shows that every day 
his heart was engaged in religion, as his greats and, as it were 
only business. 

June 12. ^^ Spent much time in prayer this morning, and en- 
joyed much sweetness :-^Felt insatiable longings after God 
much of the day. I wondered how poor sout do to live, that 
have no God. The world, with all its enjoyments, quite van- 
ished. I see myself very helpless : but I have a blessed God to 
go to. I longed exceedingly to be dissolved^ and to be with 
Christy to behold his glory. O my weak weary soul longs to 
arrive at my Father^s house ! 

hordes day^ June 13. " Felt somewhat calm and resigned in 
the public worship : at the sacrament saw myself very vile and 
worthless. Oh that I may always lie low in the dust. My soul 
seemed steadily to go forth after God, in longing desires to live 
upon him. 

June 14. "Felt somewhat of the sweetness of communion 
with God, and the constraining force of his love ; how admira- 
bly it captivates the soul, and makes all the desires and affec- 
tions to centre in God ! — I set apart this day for secret fasting 
and prayer, to intreat God to direct and bless me with regard 
to the great work which I have in view, of preaching the gospel 
— and that the Lord would return to me, and show me the light 
of his countenance. Had little life and power in the forenoon : 
near the middle of the afternoon, God enabled me to wrestle 
ardently in intercession for my absent friends : but just at night 
the Lord visited me marvellously in prayer. I think my soul 
never was in such an agony before. 1 felt no restraint ; for the 
treasures of divine grace were opened to me. I wrestled for 
absent friends, for the ingathering of souls, for multitudes of 
poor souls, and for many that I thought were the children of 
God, personally^ in many distant places. I was in such an agony 
from sun half an hour high, till near dark, that I was all over 
wet with sweat : but yet it seemed to me that I had wasted 



away the day^ and had done nothing. O my dear Saviour did 
sweat blood for poor souls ! I longed for more compassion 
towards them. Felt still in a sweet frame, under a sense of di- 
vine love and grace ; and went to bed in such a frame, with 
my heart set on G od. - 

June 15. *' Had the most ardent longings after God, wMch I 
ever felt in my life. At noon, in my secret retirement, I could 
do nothing ^/\i tell my dear Lord, in a sweet calm, that he 
knew I desitw X^^^^hing but himself^ nothing but holiness ; that 
he had given me these desires, and he only could mve me the 
thing desired. I never seemed to be so unhinged from myself^ 
and to be so wholly devoted to God. My heart was swallowed 
up in God most of the day. In the evening I had such a view 
of the soul being as it were enlarged, to contain more holiness, 
that it seemed ready to separate from my body. I then wres- 
tled in an agony for divine blessings ; had my heart drawn out 
in prayer for some Christian friends, beyond what I ever had 
before. I feel differently now from what I ever did under any 
enjoyments before ; more engaged, to live to God for ever, and 
less pleased with my own frames. I am not satisfied with my 
frames, nor feel at all more easy after such strugglings than be- 
fore ; for it seems far too, little, if I could always be so. O 
how short do I fall of my duty in my sweetest moments P' 

In his diary for the two next days^ he expresses somewhat of 
the same frame, but in a far less degree.* 

June 18. " Considering my great unfitness for the work of 
the ministry^ my present deadness, and total inability to do any 
thing for the glory of God that way, feeling myseli very help- 
less, and at a great loss what the Lord would have me to do ; I 
set apart this day for prayer to God, and spent most of the day 
in that duty, but amazingly deserted most of the day. Yet I 
found -God graciously near, once in particular ; while I was 
pleading for more compassion for immortal souls, my heart 
seemed to be opened at once, and I was enabled to cry with 
great ardency, for a few minutes. O I was distressed to think 
tnat I should offer such dead cold services to the living God ! 
My soul seemed to breathe after holiness, a life of constant 
devotedness to Gt>d. But I am almost lost sometimes in the 
pursuit of this blessedness, and ready to sink, because I con- 
tinually fall short, and miss of my desire. Oh that the Lord 
would help me to hold out, yet a little while, until the happy 
hour of deliverance comes ! 

* Here end Uie thirty first pages of the third volume of his diary, which he 
speaks of in the beginnings of this volume, (as obiserved before) as containing a 
speeimtn of \k\% ordinary manner of livings through the whole space of time, 
irom the begimiing of those two volumes th^ were destroyed. 



June 19. " Felt much disordered ; my spirits w^re very low : 
but yet enjoyed some freedom and sweetness in the duties of 
religion, messed be God. 

^Saay^ Jiih%90. " Spent much time alone. My soul 
earnestly wished to DsiJiply, and reached after God ; but seem- 
ed not to obtain my desire. J hungered and thirsted; but was 
not refreshed and satisfied. My soul rested on God, as my only 
portion. Oh that I could grow in grace more abundantly 
every day !" 

The next day he speaks of his having assistance in his studies, 
and power, fervency, and comfort in prayer. 

June 22. ^' In the morning spent about two hours in prayer 
and meditation, with consideraole delight Towards night felt 
my soul go out in earnest desires after God, in secret retirement. 
In the evening, was sweetly composed and resigned to God's 
will ; was enabled to leave mysen and all my concerns with 
him, and to have my whole dependence upon him. My secret 
retirement was very refreshing to my soul ; it appeared such a 
happiness to have God for my portion, that 1 had rather be any 
other creature in this lower creation, than not come to the en- 
joyment of God. I had rather be a beast, than a man, without 
God, if I were to live here to eternity. Lord, endear thyself 
more to me ! 

In his diary for the next seven days^ he expresses a variety 
of exercises of mind. He speaks of great longings after Goa 
and holiness, and earnest desires for the conversion of others ; 
of fervency in prayer, power to wrestle with God, composure, 
comfort, and sweetness, from time to time ; but expresses a 
sense of the abomination of his heart, and bitterly complains of 
his barrenness, and the body of death ; and says, " he saw clear- 
ly that whatever he enjoyed, better than hell, was of free grace." 

He complains of falling much below the character of a child 
of God ; and is sometimes very disconsolate and dejected. 

June 30. ^' Spent this day alone in the woods, in fasting 
and prayer ; underwent the most dreadful conflicts in my soul, 
which I ever felt, in some respects. I saw myself so vile, that I 
was ready to say, ' I shall now perish by the hand of Saul.* I 
thought that I had no power to stand for the cause of God, 
but was almost ' afraid of the shaking of a leaf.' Spent almost 
the whole day in prayer, incessantly. I could not bear to think 
of Christians showing me any respect. I almost despaired of 
doing any service in the world : 1 could not feel any hope or 
comfort respecting the healhen, which used to afford me some 


refreshment in the darkest hours of this nature. I spent tlie day 
in bitterness of soul. Near night I felt a little better ; and after- 
wards enjoyed some sweetness in secret prayer. 
. July 1. " Had some enjoyment in prayer this morning ; 
and far more than usual in secret prayer to-night, and desired 
nothing so ardently as that God should do with me just as he 

July % " Felt composed in secret prayer in the morning. — 
My desires ascended to God this day, as I was travelling : and 
was comfortable in the evening. Blessed he God for all my con* 

July 3. " My heart seemed again to sink. The disgrace I 
was laid under at College, seemed to damp me ; as it opens the 
mouths of opposers. I had no refuge but in God. Blessed 
be his name, that I may go to him at all times, and find him a 
present help. 

Lord^s day^ July 4. ^^ Had considerable assistance. In the 
evening I withdrew, and enjoyed a happy season in secret 
prayer. God was pleased to give me the exercise of faith, and 
thereby brought the invisible and eternal world near to my soul 
which appeared sweetly to me. I hoped that my weary pil- 
grimage in the world would be short ; and that it would not 
oe long before I was brought to my heavenly home and Father's 
house. I was resigned to God's will, to tarry his time, to do 
his work, and suffer his pleasure. I felt thankfulness to God 
for all my pressing desertions of late ; for I am persuaded that 
they have been made a means of making me more humble, 
ana much more resigned. I felt pleased to be little^ to be 
nothings and to lie in the dust. I enjoyed life and consolation 
in pleading for. the dear children of God, and the kingdom of 
Chrbt in the world : and my soul earnestly breathed after ho- 
liness, and the enjoyment of God. O come^ Lord Jcsus^ come 

By his diary for the remaining days of this week^ it appears 
that he enjoyed considerable composure and tranquillity, and 
had sweetness and fervency of spirit in prayer, from day to day. 

Lor d^s day ^ July 11. " Was deserted and exceedingly deject- 
ed in the morning. In the afternoon, had some life and as- 
sistance, and felt resigned. I saw myself to be exceeding vile." 

On the two next days he expresses inward comfort, resigna- 
tion, and strength in God. 

July 14. " Felt a degree of humble resigned sweetness : 
spent a considerable time in secret, giving myself up whollv 
t:o the Lord. Heard Mr. Bellamy preach towards night ; felt 
very sweetly part of the time : longed for nearer access to God.'"" 


The four next days^ he expresses considerable comfort and 
fervency of spirit, in Christian conversation and religious ex- 

July 19, " My desires seem especially to be after weaned- 
ness from the worlds perfect deadness to it, and that I may be 
crucified to alt its allurements. My soul desires to feel itself 
more of a pilgrim and stranger here below ; that nothing may 
divert me from pressing through the lonely desart, till I arrive 
vd my Father's house. 

July 20. '• It was sweet to give away myself to God, to be 
disposed of at his pleasure. I had some feeling sense of the 
sweetness of being a pilgrim on earthJ*^ 

The next day^ he expresses himself as determined to be 
wholly devoted to God ; and it appears by his diary, that be 
spent the whole day in a most diligent exercise of religion, and 
with great comfort 

July 22. '^ Journeying from Southbuiy to Ripton, I called at 
a house by the way, where being very kindly entertained and 
refreshed, I was filled with amazement and shame, that God 
should stir up the hearts of any to show so much kindness to 
such a dead dog as I ; was made sensible in some manner, bow 
exceeding vile it is not to be wholly devoted to God. I won- 
dered that God would sufier any of*^ his creatures to feed and 
sustain me from time to time.'' 

In his diary for the six next days^ are expressed various ex« 
ercises and experiences, such as, sweet composure and fervency 
of spirit in meditation and prayer, weanedness from the world, 
bein^ sensibly a pilgrim and stranger on the earth, engagedness 
of nund to spena every moment of time for God, &c. 

July 29. ^ I was examined by the Association met at Dan- 
bury, as to my learnings and also my experience in religion, and 
received a licence from them to preach the gospel of Christ. 
Afterwards felt much devoted to God ; joined in prayer with 
one of the ministers, my peculiar friend, in a convenient place, 
and went to bed resolving to live devoted to God all my days." 


From his Licensure^ till his Examination and Commission as a 


July 30, 1742. " Rode from Danbury to Southbury ; preach- 
ed there, from 1 Pet, iv. 8. And above all things have fervent 
charity^ &c. Had much of the comfortable presence of God 
in the exercise. I seemed to have power with God in prayer, 
and power to get hold of the hearts of the people in preachmg, 

Jtdy 31. " I was calm and composed, as well as greatly re^ 
freshed and encouraged. ^^ 

It appears by his diary, that he continued in this sweetness 
and tranquillity, almost through the whole of the next week. 

Lord*s day^ Aug. 8. " In the morning I felt comfortably in 
secret prayer ; my soul was refreshed with the hopes of the 
Heathen coming home to Christ ; was much resigned to God, 
and thought it was no matter what became of me. — Preached 
both parts of the day at Bethlehem, from Job xiv. 14. If a 
fMxn aie^ shall he live again^ <&c. It was sweet to me to me- 
ditate on death. In the evening, felt very comfortably, and 
cried to (Sod fervently in secret prayer.' 


It appears by his diary, that he continued through the three 
next days J engaged with all his might in the business of religion, 
and in almost a constant enjoyment of its comforts. 

Aug. 13. ^^ This morning and last night I was exercised with 
sore inwiard trials : I had no power to pray : but seemed shut 
(Hit from God. I had in a great measure lost my hopes of God^s 
sending me among the Heathen afar off, and of seeing them 
flock home to CImst. I saw so much of my vileness, that I 
wondered that God would let me live, and that people did not 
stone me ; much more that they would ever hear me preach ! 
It seemed as though I never could nor should preach any more, 
yet about nine or ten oVlock, the people came over, and I was 
forced to preach. And blessed be Gt>d, he gave me his pre| 
sence and Spirit in prayer and preaching : so that I was much 


assisted, and spake witli power from Job xiv. 14. Some In- 
dians cried out in great distress,^ and all appeared greatly con- 
cerned. After we had prayed and exhorted them to seek the 
Lord with constancy, and hired an English woman to keep a 
kind of school among them, we came away about one o'clock 
and came to Judea^ about fifteen or sixteen miles. There God 
was pleased to visit my soul with much comfort. Blessed be 
the Lord for all things I meet with." 

It appears that the two next days he had much comfort, and 
had his heart much engaged in religion. 

Lord's day^ Aug. 15. " Felt much comfort and devotedness 
to God this day. At night, it was refreshing to get alone with 
God, and powr outmy soul. Oh, who can conceive of the sweet- 
ness of communion with the blessed God, but those who have 
experience of it ! Glory to God for ever, that I may taste hea- 
ven below. 

Aug. 16. " Had some comfort in secret prayer, in the morn- 
ing. — Felt sweetly sundry times in prayer this day : but was 
much perplexed in the evening with vain conversation. 

Aug. 17. "Exceedingly depressed in spirit, it cuts and 
wounds my heart, to think how much self-exultation^ spirit- 
ual pride^ and warmth of temper^ I hn\e formerly had intermin- 
gled with my endeavours to promote God's work : and some- 
times I long to lie down at the feet of opposers, and confess 
what a poor imperfect creature I have been, and still am. 
The Lord forgive me, and make me for the future wise as a 
serpent^ and harmless as a dove / Afterwards enjoyed consi- 
derable comfort and delight of soul. 

Aug. 18. " Spent most of this day in prayer and reading. — 
I see so much of my own extreme vileness, that I feel ashamed 
and guilty before God and man ; I look to myself like the vilest 
fellow in the land : I wonder that God stirs up his people to be 
so kind to me. 

Aug. 19. " This day, being about to go from Mr. Bellamy's 
at Befiilehem, where I had resided some time, I prayed with him, 
and two or three other Christian friends. We gave ourselves 
to God with all our hearts, to be his for ever : eternity looked 
very near to me, while I was praying. If I never should see 
these Christians again in this world, it seemed but a few mo- 
ments before I should meet them in another world. 

Aug. 20. " I appeared so vile to myself, that I hardly dared 
to think of being seen, especially on account of spiritual pride. 
However, to-night I enjoyed a sweet hour alone with God, (at 

♦ It was in a place near Kent, in the western borders of Connecticut, where 
there is a noxnber of Indian^. 


Hipton :) I was lifted above the frowns and flatteries of this 
lower world, had a sweet relish of heavenly joys, and my soul 
did, as it were, get into the eternal world, and really taste of 
heaven, I had a sweet season of intercession for dear friends 
in Christ; and God helped me to cry fervently for Zion. 
Blessed be God for this season. 

Aug. 21. " Was much perplexed in the morning. — Towards 
noon enjoyed more of God in secret; was enabled to feee that 
it was best to throw myself into the hands of God, to be dis- 
posed of according to his pleasure, and rejoiced in such 
thoughts. In the afternoon rode to New-Haven ; was much con- 
fused all the way. — Just at night, underwent such a dreadful con- 
flict as I have scarce ever felt. I saw myself exceeding vile and 
unworthy ; so .that I was guilty, and ashamed that any body 
should bestow any favour on me, or show me any respect, 

Lord'^s day^ Aug, 22. " In the morning continued still in per- 
plexity. — In the evening enjoyed comfort suflicient to overba- 
lance all my late distresses. I saw that God is the only soul- 
satisfying portion, and I really found satisfaction in him. My 
soul was much enlarged in sweet intercession for my fellow-men 
every where, and for many Christian friends in particular, in 
distant places. 

Aug* 23. " Had a sweet season in secret prayer : the Lord 
drew near to my soul, and filled me with peace and divine con- 
solation. Oh, my soul tasted the sweetness of the upper world ; 
and was drawn out in prayer for the world, that it might come 
home to Christ ! Had much comfort in the thoughts and hopes 
of the ingathering of the Heathen ; was greatly assisted .in in- 
tercession for Chnstian friends.^' 

He continued still in the same frame of mind the next day^ 
but in a less degree. 

Aug. 25. "In family prayer, God helped me to climb up near 
him, so that I scarce ever got nearer." 

The /oMr next days he appears to have been the subject of 
desertion, and of comfort and fervency in religion, interchangea- 
bly, together with a sense of vileness and miprofitableness. 

Aug. 30. " Felt somewhat comfortably in the morning ; con- 
versed sweetly with some friends ; was in a serious composed 
frame ; and prayed at a certain house with some degree of 
sweetness. Afterwards, at another house, prayed privately 
with a dear Christian friend or two ; and, I think, I scarce ever 
launched so far into the eternal world as then ; I got so far out 
on the broad ocean, that my soul with joy triumphed over all 
the evils on the shores of mortality. I think, time, and all its 


gay amusements and cruel disappointments, never appeared so 
inconsiderable to me before. I was in a sweet frame ; I saw 
myself nothing, and my soul reached after God with intense 
desire. Oh, I saw what I owed to God, in such a manner, as I 
scarce ever did ! I knew that I had never lived a moment to 
him as I should do ; indeed, it appeared to me, that I had 
never done any thing in Christianitv : my soul longed with a 
vehement desire to five to God. — In the evening, sung and 
prayed with a number of Christians : felt the powers of the 
world to come in my soul, in prayer. Afterwards prayed again 
privately, with a dear Christian or two, and found the presence 
of God ; was somewhat humbled in my secret retu^ment : 
felt my ingratitude, because I was not wholly swallowed up 
in God." 

He was in a sweet frame great part of the next day. 

. S^t. 1. " Went to Judea, to the ordination of Mr. Judd. 
Mr. Bellamy preabhed from Matt xxiv. 46. '' Blessed is that 
servant,*' &c. I felt very solemn most of the time ; had my 
thoughts much on that time when our Lord will come ; that 
time refreshed my soul much ; only I was afraid I should not 
be ioxmA faithful^ because I have so vile a heart. My thoughts 
were much in eternity, where I love to dwell. Blessed be God 
for this solemn season. — Rode home to night with Mr. Bellamy, 
conversed with some friends till it was very late, and then re- 
tired to rest in a comfortable frame. 

Sept. 2. " About two in the afternoon, I preached from John 
vi. 67. Then said Jesus unto the twelve^ Will ye also go awa^? 
and God assisted me in some comfortable degree ; but more 
especially in my first prayer ; my soul seemed then to launch 

2uite into the eternal world, and to be as it were, separated 
om this lower world. Afterwards preached again from 
Isa. V. 4. Wh(xt could have been done more^ &c. God gave 
me some assistance ; but I saw myself a poor worm." 

On Friday^ Sept. 3. He complains of having but little life 
in the things of God, the former part of the day, but afterwards 
speaks of sweetness and enlargement. 

Sept. 4. Much out of health, exceedingly depressed in my 
soul, and at awful distance from God. Towards night, spent 
some time in profitable thoughts on Rom. viii. 2. For the law of 
the spirit of tife^ &c. Near night, had a very sweet season in 
prayer ; God enabled me to wrestle ardently for the advance- 
ment of the Redeemer's kingdom ; pleaded earnestly for my 
own dear brother John, that God would make him more of a 
pilgrim and stranger on the earth, and fit him for singular ser- 
viceableness in the world ; and my heart sweetly exulted in the 


Lord, in the thoughts of any distresses that might alight on 
him or on me, in the advancement of Christ's kingdom. It 
was a sweet and comfortable hour unto my soul, while I was in- 
dulged with freedom to plead, not only for myself, but also for 
many other souls. 

Lord?8 day^ Sept. 5. " Preached all day : was somewhat 
strengthened and assisted in the afternoon ; more especially in 
the evening : had a sense of my unspeakable failures in all my 
duties. I found, alas ! that I had never lived to God in my 

Sept. 6. " Was informed, that they only waited for an op- 
portunity to apprehend me for preaching at New-Haven lately, 
that so they might imprison me. This made me more solemn 
and serious, and to quit all hopes of the world's friendship ; it 
brought me to a further sense of my vileness, aud just desert of 
this, and much more, from the hand of God, thoush not from 
the hand of man. Retired into a convenient place in the 
woods, and spread the matter before God. 

Sq^t. 7. " Had some relish of divine thinss, in the morning. 
Afterwards felt more barren and melancholy. Rode to New- 
Haven to a friend's house, at a distance from the town ; that I 
might remain undiscovered, and yet have opportuni^ to do 
business privately, with friends which come Jo commencement. 

Sept. 8. " Felt very sweetly, when I first rose in the morning. 
In family prayer, had some enlargement, but not much spirit- 
uality, till eternity came up before me, and looked near ; I 
found some sweetness in the thoughts of bidding a dyins fare- 
well to this tiresome world. Though sometime ago I redconed 
upon seeing my dear friends at commencement ; yet being 
now denied the opportunity, for fear of imprisonment, I felt 
totally resigned, and as contented to spend this day alone in 
the woods, as I could have done, if I had been allowed to go 
to town. Felt exceedingly weaned from the world to-day. In 
the afternoon, I discoursed on divine things, with a dear Chris- 
tian friend, whereby we were both refreshed. Then I prayed, 
with a sweet sense of the blessedness of communion witn God : 
I think I scarce ever enjoyed more of God in any one prayer. 
Oit was a blessed season indeed to my soul ! I know not 
that ever I saw so much of my own nothingness, in my life ; 
never wondered so, that God allowed me to preach his word. 
This has been a sweet and comfortable day to my soul. Ble^S' 
ed he God. Prayed again with my dear friend, with some- 
^iiig of the divine presence. I long to be wholly conformed 
tp God, and transformed into his image. 

Sept. 9. " Spent much of the day alone ; enjoyed the pres- 
ence of God in some comfortable degree : was visited by some 
4ear friends, and prayed with them : wrote sundry letters to 
fri^l^s : felt religion in my soul while writing : enjoyed sweet 


meditations on some scriptures. In the evening, went very pri- 
vately into town, from the place of my residence at the farms, 
and conversed with some dear friends ; felt sweetly in singing 
hymns with them : and made my escape to the farms affaih, 
without being discovered by any enemies, as I knew of. Thus 
the Lord preserves me contmually. 

Sept. 10. " Longed with intense desire after God ; my whole 
soul seemed impatient to be conformed to him, and to become 
"holy, as he is noly." In the afternoon, prayed with a dear 
friend privately, and had the presence of God with us ; our 
souls united together to reach after a blessed immortality, to 
be unclothed of the body of sin and death, and to enter the 
blessed world, where no unclean thing enters. O, with ^at 
intense desire did our souls long for that blessed day, that We 
might be freed from sin, and for ever live to and in our God ! 
In the evening, took leave of that house ; but first kneeled 
down and prayed ; the Lord was of a truth in the midst of us ; 
it was a sweet parting season ; felt in myself much sweethcfss 
and affection in the things of God. Blessed be God for every 
such divine gale of his Spirit, to speed me on in my way to the 
new Jerusalem ! Felt some sweetness afterwards, and spent 
the evening in conversation with friends, and prayed with some 
life, and retired to rest very late." 

The^ve next days^ he appears to have been in an exceeding* 
ly comfortable frame of mind, for the most part, and to have 
been the subject of the like heavenly exercises as are often ex- 
pressed in preceding passages of his diary ; such as, having his 
heart much engaged for God, wrestling with him in prayer 
with power and ardency ; enjoying at times sweet calmness and 
composure of mind, giving himself up to God to be his forever 
with great complacence of mind ; being wholly resigned to 
the will of God, that he might do with him what he pleased ; 
longing to improve time, having the eternal world, as it were,' 
brought nigh ; longing after God and holiness, earnestly de- 
siring a complete conformity to him, and wondering how poor 
souls do to exi^t without God. 

Sept. 16. " At night, enjoyed much of God, in secret pray- 
er : felt an uncommon resignation, to be and do what God 
pleased. Some days past, 1 felt great perplexity on account 
of my past conduct: ;ny bitterness^ and want of christian 
kindness and love, has been very distressing to my soul : the' 
Lord forgive me my unchristian warmth^ and want of a spirit of 
meekness ! 

The next day^ he speaks of much resignation, calmness, and 
peace of mind, and near views of the eternal world. # 


Sept. 18. " Felt some compassion for souls, and mourned 
that 1 had no more. I feel much more kindness, meekness, 
(ntlcBess, and love towards all mankind, than ever. I long to 
) at the feet of my enemies and persecutors : enjoyed some 
sweetness in feeling my soul conformed to Christ Jesus, and 
given away to him for ever. 

The next day^ he speaks of much dejection and discourage- 
ment, from an apprehension of his own unfitness, ever to do 
any good in preaching*, but blesses God for all dispensations 
of providence and grace ; finding that by all God weaned him 
more from the world, and made him more resigned. 

The next ten days^ he appears to have been for the most 
part under great degrees of melancholy, exceedingly dejected 
and discouraged : speaks of his being ready to give up all for 
gone respecting the cause of Christ, and exceedingly longing 
to die: yet had some sweet seasons and intervals of comfort, 
and special assistance and enlargement in the duties of religion, 
and in performing public services, and considera;ble success in 

^ept. 30. " Still very low in spirits ; I did not know how to 
engage in any work or business, especially to correct some dis- 
orders among Christians ; felt as though I had no power to be 
faitUiil in that regard. However, towards noon, I preached 
fr<Hn Deut. viiL 3. And thou shalt remember^ &c. and was en^ 
aUed with freedom to reprove some things in Christians^ con- 
duct, I thought very unsuitable and irregular ; insisted near 
two hours <Hi this subject." 

Through this and the two following weeks^ he passed through 
a variety of exercises : he was frequently dejected, and felt in- 
ward, distresses : and sometimes sunk into the depths of melan- 
choly ; at which turns he was not exercised about the state of 
his soul, with regard to the favour of God, and his interest in 
Christ, but about his own sinful infirmities, and unfitness for 
GodSi service. His mind appears sometimes extremely depres- 
sed and sunk, with a sense of inexpressible vileness. But in 
the mean-time, he speaks of manv seasons of comfort, and 
spiritual refreshment, wherein his heart was encouraged and 
strengthened in God, and sweetly resigned to his will ; of some 
seasons of very high degrees of spiritual consolation, and of 
his great longings after holiness, and conformity to God ; of 
his great fear of ofiending God, and of his heart being sweetly 
melted in religious duties ; of his longing for the advancement 
of Christ^s kingdom, of his having at times much assistance in 
preaching, and of remarkable effects on the audience. 

Vol. X. 10 


Lord's day^ Oct. 17. *^ Had a considerable sense of my 
helplessness and inability ; saw that I must be dependent on 
God for all I want ; and especially when I went to the place 
of public worship. I found I could not speak a word for God, 
without his special help and assistance* I went into the asseoBh 
bly trembling, as I frequently do, under a sense of my iiuniffip 
ciency to do any thing in the cause of God, as I ought to do. 
But it pleased God to afford me. much assistance, aind there 
seemed to be a considerable effect on the hearers. Ib the 
evening, I felt a disposition to praise God, for his coodaeM to 
me, that he had enabled me in some measure to oe fiuthfid ; 
and my soul rejoiced to think, that I had thus performed the 
work of one day more, and was one day nearer my eternal^ and 
1 trust my heavenly home. Oh that I ma}r be ^ taitbfbl to the 
death, fulfilling as an hireling my day,^* till the shades of the 
evening of life shall free my soul from the toils f4 the dayl 
This evening, in secret prayer, I felt exceedingly solemn, and 
such longing desires after deliverance from sin, and aftar eon-* 
formity to uod, as melted my heart Q I lonsed to be ^ deli> 
vered from this body of death !^^ I felt inward, pleasing pain, 
that I could not be conformed to God entirely, folly, and 
forever. I scarce ever preach without being first visitea with 
inward conflicts, and sore trials. Blessed be the Lord for these 
trials and distresses, as they are blessed for my humblipg* 

Oct. 18. ^' In the mornins, I felt some sweetness, but still 
pressed through trials of soul. My life is a constant miilur^ 
of consolations and conflicts, and will be so till I arrive at the 
world of spirits. 

Oct. 19. '^ This morning, and last night, I felt a sweet long- 
ing in my soul after holiness. My soul seemed so to reach and 
stretch towards the mark of perfect sanctity, that it was ready 
to break with longings. 

Oct. 20. ^^ Very infirm in body, exercised with much pain, 
and very lifeless in divine things. Felt a little sweetness in the 

Oct. 21. " Had a very deep sense of the vanity of the world, 
most of the day ; had little more regard to it, than if i had 
been to go into eternity the neXt hour. Through divine gOfpd* 
ness, I felt very serious and solemn. 0, 1 love to Iwe on tts 
brink of eternity^ in my views and meditations ! This gives me 
a sweet, awful, and reverential sense and apprehension of God 
and divine things, when I see myself as it were, standing ft^ore 
the judgment seat of Christ. 

Oct. 22. ^^ Uncommonly weaned fi'om the world t(Mlay : 
my soul delighted to be a stranger and pilgrim on the earth; I 
felt a disposition in me never to have any thing to do mtfi this 
world. The character given of some of the ancient people oif 
God, in Heb. xi. 13, was very pleasing to me, " They conmjsed 


that tiiey were pilgrims and strangers on the earth,^^ by tiieir 
daily practice ; and Oh that I could always do so ! Spent some 
considerable time in a pleasant grove, in prayer and medita- 
tion. Oh it is sweet, to be thus weaned from friends, and from 
myself, and dead to the present world, that so I may live wholly 
to and upon the blessed God ! Saw myself little, low, and vile 
in myselC In the afternoon, preached at Bethlehem, from 
Deut Viii. 3. God helped me to speak to the hearts of dear 
christians. Blessed be the Lord for this season : I trust they 
and I shall rejoice on this account, . to all eternity. Dear Mr. 
Bellamy came in, while I was making the first prayer, (bein^ re- 
tunied home from a journey ;) and after meeting, we walked 
away together, and spent the evening in sweetly conversing on 
divine things, and praying together, with sweet and tender love 
to each other, and retired to rest with our hearts in a serious 
qixiritual frame. 

Oct. 23* '^ Somewhat perplexed and confused. Rode this 
day from Bethlehem to Simsbury. 

Lord*s day^ Oct. 24. " Felt so vile and unworthy, that I 
scarce knew how to converse with human creatures. 

Oct. 25. " [At Turkey Hills.] In the evening, I enjoyed the 
divine presence, in secret prayer. It was a sweet and comfort- 
able season to me ; my soul longed for the living God: en- 
joyed a sweet solemnitjr of spirit, and longing desire after the 
recovery of the divine image in my soul. ^ Then shall I be sa- 
tisfied when 1 shall awake in God's likeness,' and never be- 

Oa. 26. " [At West Suffield.] Underwent the most dread- 
fill distresses, under a sense of my own unworthiness. It seem- 
ed to me, that I deserved rather to be driven out of the place, 
than to have any body treat me with any kindness, or come to 
hear me preach. And verily my spirits were so depressed at 
thk time, (as at many others,) that it was impossible 1 should 
treat immortal souls with faithfrilness. I could not deal close- 
ly and fiuthfiiliy with them, I felt so infinitely vile in myself. O 
wiial duit and ashes I am, to think of preaching the gospel to^ 
odiprs I Indeed, I never can be faithful for one moment, biit^ 
siiall certainly ^^ daub with untempered mortar,'' if God do not 
oiuit me special help. In the evening, I went to the meetmg 
Bpuse, and it looked to me near as easy for one to rise out of 
the j^ve and preach, as for me. However, God afforded me 
aomp 1^ and power, both in prayer and sermon ; and was 
pleaiied to lift me up, and show me that he could enable me to 
vmitiu O the wonderfril goodness of God to so vile a sinner I 
.Vetonied to my quarters; and enjoyed some sweetness in 
pmer alone, and mourned that I could not live more to God. 

ycU 27. ^' I q>ent the forenoon in prayer and meditation ; was 
not ft little concerned about preaching in the afternoon : felt 


exceedingly without strength^ and very helpless indeed ; and 
«vent into the meeting-house, ashamed to see any come to hear 
such an unspeakable worthless wretch. However, God enabled 
me to speak with clearness, power, and pungency. But there 
was some noise and tumult in the assembly, mat I did not well 
like; and I endeavoured to bear public testunony against it with 
moderation and mildness through the current of my discoorse. 
In the evening, was enabled to be in some measure tfaankib], 
and devoted to God." 

The frames and exercises of his mind, during the four next 
days were similar to those of the two days past ; except intervals 
of considerable degrees of divine peace and consolation. 

The things expressed within the space of the three following 
day 9^ are such as these : some seasons of dejection, mourning for 
bemg so destitute of the exercises of grace, longing to be de- 
livered from sin, pressing after more knowledge of God, seasons 
of sweet consolation, precious and intimate converse with God 
in secret prayer, sweetness of christian conversation, &c. 
Within this time, he rode from Sufiield, to Eastbury, HebroOs 
and Lebanon. 

Nov. 4. " [At Lebanon.] Saw much of my nothingne^ 
most of this day : but felt concerned that I had no more sense of 
my insufficiency and un worthiness. O it is sweet lying in the 
dust ! But it is distressing to feel in my soul that hell of cor- 
ruption, which still remains in me. In the afternoon, had a 
sense of the sweetness of a strict, close and constant devoted- 
ness to God, and my soul was comforted with his consolations. 
My soul felt a pleasing, yet painful concern, lest I should 
spend some moments without God. O may I always live to 
God! In the evening, I was visited by some friends, and spent 
the time in prayer, and such conversation as tended to our edi- 
fication. It was a comfortable season to my soul : I felt an in- 
tense desire to spend every moment for God. God is unspeak- 
ably gracious to me continually. In times past, he has given 
me inexpressible sweetness in the performance of duty. Fre- 
quently my soul has enjoyed much of God ; but has been ready 
to say, " Lord, it is good to be here ;" and so to indulge sloth 
lyhile I have lived on the sweetness of my feelings. But of late, 
God has been pleased to keep my soul hungry almost contin- 
ually ; so that I have been filled with a kind of pleasing pain. 
When I really enjoy God, I feel my desires of him the more 
insatiable, and my thirstings afler holiness the more unquench- 
able ; and the Lord will not allow me to feel as though 
I were fully supplied and satisfied, but keeps me still reaching^ 
forward. I feel barren and empty, as though I could not live, 
without more of God ; I feel ashamed and guilty before him., t. 


see that *" the law is spiritual, but I am carnal-" I do not, 1 
cannot live to God. Oh for holiness ! Oh for more of God in 
mjrsoiil ! Oh this pleasing pain ! It makes my soul press after 
God ; the language of it is, " Then shall I be satisfied, when I 
awake in God's likeness^" but never, never before : and conse- 

Juently, I am engaged to " press towards the mark," day by 
ay. Oh that I may feel this continual hunger, and not be re- 
tarded, but rather aniniated by every cluster from Canaan, to 
reach forward in the narrow -way, for the full enjoyment and 
possession of the heavenly inheritance ! Oh that i may never 
loiter in my heavenly journey !" 

- These insatiable desires after God^ and holiness, continued 
the two next days^ with a great sense of his own exceeding un- 
worthiness, and the nothingness of the things of this world. 

LortVs day^ Nov. 7. " [At Millington.] It seemed as if such 
an unholy wretch as I never could arrive at that blessedness, to 
be " holy, as God is holy." At noon, I longed for sanctification 
and conformity to God. O that is the all, the all. 
The Lord help me to press after God for ever. 

Nov. 8. " Towaros night, enjoyed much sweetness in secret 
prayer, so that my soul longed for an arrival in the heavenly 
country^ the blessed paradise of God. Through divine goodf- 
ness, I have scarce seen the day for two months, in which death 
has not looked so pleasant to me, at one time or other of the 
day, that I could have rejoiced that the present should be my 
/o^^, notwithstanding my present inward trials and conflicts. I 
trust, the Lord will finally make me' a conqueror^ and more than 
a conqueror; and that 1 shall be able to use that triumphant 
language, "O death where is thy sting!" And, "O* grave, 
where is thy victory !" 

Within the next ten days^ the following things are expressed, 
longing and wrestling to be holy, and to live to God ; a desire 
that every single thought might be for God ; feeling guilty, that 
his thoughts were no more swallowed up in God ; sweet solem- 
nity and calmness of mind ; submission and resignation to God ; 
great weanedness fi'om the world ; abasement in the dust ; gnef 
at some vain conversation that was observed ; sweetness from 
time to time in secret prayer, and in conversing and praying 
with Christian friends. And every day he appears to nave 
been greatly engaged in the great business of religion, and living 
to God, without interruption. 

Nov. 19. " [At New-Haven.] Received a letter from the 
Reverend Mr. Pemberton, of New- York, desiring me speedily 
to go down thither, and consult about the Indian affairs in 


those parts ; and to meet certain gentlemen there who were in- 
trusted with those affairs. My mind was instantly seized with 
concern ; so I retired with two or three Christian friends, and 
prayed ; and indeed, it was a sweet time with me. I was enabled 
to leave myself, and all my concerns with God ; and taking leave 
of friends, I rode to Ripton, and was comforted in an opportuni- 
ty to see and converse with dear Mr. Mills." 

In the four next following day 8^ he was sometimes oppressed 
with the weight of that great affiiir, about which Mr. Pembert<m 
had written to him ; but was enabled from time to time to ^^ cast 
his burden on the Lord," and to commit himself and all his 
concerns to him. He continued still in a sense of the excellency 
of holiness, longing after it, and earnest desires i<x the ad- 
vancement of Christ's kingdom in the world ; and had from 
time to time sweet comfort in meditation and prayer. 

2Vitw. 24. " Came to New-York ; felt still much concerned 
about the importance of my business -, put up many earnest re- 
quests to God for his help and direction ; was confused with the 
noise and tumult of the city ; but enjoyed little time alone with 
God ; but my soul longed after him. 

Nov. 25. ^^ Spent much time in prayer and supplication : 
was examined by some gentlemen, of my Christian experiences, 
and my acquaintance with divinity, and some other studies, in 
order to my improvement in that important affair of evangelizing 
^e Heathen ;'^ and was made sensible of my great ignorance and 
unfitness for public service. I had the most abasing thoughts 
of myself, I think, that ever I had ; I thought myself the worst 
wretch that ever lived : it hurt me, and pained my very heart, 
that any body should show me any respect. Alas ! methought 
how sadly they are deceived in me ! how miserably would they 
be disappointed if they knew mv inside ! O my heart ! And in 
this depressed condition, I was K)rced to go and preach to a con- 
siderable assembly, before some grave and learned ministers ; 
but felt such a pressure from a sense of my vileness, ignorance 
and unfitness to appear in public, that I was almost overcome 
with it ; my soul was grieved for the congregation ; that they 
should sit there to hear such a dead dog as I preach. I thought 
myself infinitely indebted to the people, and longed that God 
would reward them with the rewards of his grace. I spent 
much of the evening alone." 

^Theae g^entlemen who examined Mr. Brainerd, were the Correspondents tn 
New- York, New-Jersey, and Pennsylvania of Uie honourable Society in Scotland 
for propagating Christian knowledge; to whom was committed the management 
of their aSairs in those parts, and who were now met at New- York. 


j^Vorn lAe time of his Examination and Commission as a Mis- 
sionary^ to his entrance on his Mission among the Indians at 

Nov. 96, 1742. " Had still a sense of my great vileness, and 
endeavoured as much as I could to keep alone. O what a no- 
thing, what dust and ashes am 1 ! Enjoyed some peace and 
comfort in spreading my complaints before the God of all 

Nov. 27. " Committed my soul to God with some degree of 
comfort; left New- York about nine in the morning ; came away 
with a distressing sense still of my unspeakable unwbrthiness. 
Surely I may well love all mv brethren ; for none of them all is 
so vile as I : whatever they do outwardly, yet it seems to me 
none is so conscious of so much guilt before God. O my lean- 
ness, mv barrenness ; my carnsdity, and past bitternejss, ami 
want of a gospel temper! These things oppress my soul. 
Rode from New- York, thirty miles, to White rlains, and most 
of the way continued lifting up my heart to God for mercy and[ 
purifying grace: and spent the evening much dejected in 

The three next days^ he continued in this frame, in a great 
sense of his own vileness, with an evident mixture of melan- 
choly, in no small degree ; but had some intervals of comfort 
and God^s sensible presence with him. 

Dec. 1. ^* My soul breathed after God, in sweet spiritual and 
longing desires of conformity to him ; my soul was brought to 
rest itself and all, on his rich grace, and felt strength and en- 
couragement to do or suffer any thing that divine providence 
should allot me. Rode about twenty miles from Stratfield to 

Within the space of the next nine days^ he went a journey 
from Newtown to Haddam, his native town ; and after staying 
there some days, returned again into the western part of Con- 
necticut, and came to Southbury. In his account of the frames 
and exercises of his mind, during this space of time, are such 


things as these ; frequent turns of dejection ; a sense of his 
vileness, emptiness, and an unfathomable abyss of desperate 
wickedness in his heart, attended with a conviction that he had 
never seen but little of it ; bitterly mourning over his barren- 
ness, being greatly grieved that he could not live to God, to 
whom he owed his all ten thousand times^ crying out, ^ My 
leanness, my leanness !'^ a sense of the meetness and suitable- 
ness of his lying in the dust beneath the feet of infinite ma- 
jesty ; fervency and ardour in prayer ; longing to live to God ; 
being afflicted with some impertinent, triflmg conversation 
that he heard ; but enjoying sweetness in Christian conversation. 

Dec. 11. "Conversed with a dear friend, to whom I had 
thought of giving a liberal education, and being at the whole 
<*liarge of it, that he might be fitted for the gospel ministry.* 
I acquainted him with my thoughts in that matter, and so left 
him to consider of it, till I should see him again. Then I rode 
to Bethlehem, came to Mr. Bellamy^s lodgings, and spent the 
evening with him in sweet conversation and prayer. We re- 
commended the concern of sending my friend to college to the 
God of all grace. Blessed be the Lord for this evening's op- 
portunity together. 

hordes day^ Dec. 12. " I felt, in the morning, as if I had little 
or no power either to pray or to preach ; and felt a distressing 
need of divine help. I went to meeting trembling; but it 
pleased God to assist me in prayer and sermon. I think my 
soul scarce ever penetrated so far into the immaterial world, in 
any one prayer that I ever made, nor were my devotions ever so 
free from gross conceptions and imaginations framed from be- 
holding material objects. I preached with some sweetness, 
fi'om Matt. vi. 33. nut seek ye first the kingdom ofGod^ &c.; 
and in the afternoon, fi-om Rom. xv. 30. And now I beseech 
you brethren^ &c. There was much afiection in the assembly. 
This has been a sweet Sabbath to me ; and blessed be God, 
I have reason to think that my religion is become more spirit- 
ual, by means of my late inward conflicts. Amen. May I 
always be wifling that God should use his own methods with 

^ * Braiserd, havings now undertaken the business of a missionary to the In- 
dians, and expecting in a little time to leave his native country, to go among 
the savages into the wilderness, far distant, and spend the remainder of hia life 
among Uiem — and having some estate left him by his father, and thinking he 
should have no occasion for it among them, (though afterwards, as he told me, he 
foand himself mistaken,) — set himself to think which way he might spend it 
most for the glory of God ; and no way presenting to his thoughts, wherein he 
could do more good with it, than by being at the charge of educating some young 
person for the ministry, who appeared to be of good abilities, and weU disposed, 
he fixed upon the person here spoken of to this end. Accordingly he was soon put 
to learning; and Braiwerd continued to be at the charge of his education firom 
year to year, so long as he lived, which was till this young man was carried 
through his third year in college. 


Dec. 13. ^- Joined in prayer with Mr. Bellamy ; and found 
sweetness and composure in parting with him, as he went a 
journey. Enjoyed some sweetness tnrough the day ; and just 
at night rode down to Woodbury. 

Dec. 14. " Some perplexity nuns; on my mind ; I was dis- 
tressed last night and this morning for the interest of Zion, es- 
pecially on account of the false appearances of religion^ that 
do but rather breed confusion, especially in some places. I 
cried to God for help, to enable me to bear testimony against 
those things, which, instead of promoting, do but hinder the 
progress of vital piety. In the afternoon, rode down to South- 
bury ; and conversed again with my friend about the important 
affair of his pursuing the work of the ministry ; and he ap- 
peared much inclined to devote himself to that work, if God 
should succeed his attempts- to qualify himself for so great a 
work. In the evening I preached from 1 Thess. iv. 8. He 
therefore that despiseth^ &c. and endeavoured, though with 
tenderness, to undermine false religion. The Lord gave me 
some assistance ; but, however, I seemed so vile, I was asham- 
ed to be seen when I came out of the meeting-house. 

Dec. 15. " Enjoyed something of God to-day, both in secret 

and in social prayer ; but was sensible of much barrenness and 

defect in duty, as well ag my inability to help myself for the 

time to come, or to perform the work and business I have to 

do. Afterwards, felt much of the sweetness of religion, and 

the tenderness of the gospel-temper. I found a dear love to all 

mankind, and was much afraid lest some motion of anger or 

resentment should, some time or other, creep into my heart. 

Had some comforting, soul-refreshing discourse with dear 

friends, just as we took our leave of each other ; and supposed 

it might be likely we should not meet again till we came to the 

eternal world.* I doubt not, through grace, but that some of 

Us shall have a happy meeting there, and bless God for this 

Season, as well as many others. Amen. 

Dec. 16. " Rode down to Derby ; and had some sweet 
thoughts on the road : especially on the essence of our salva- 
tion by Christ, from these words, Thou shalt call his name Jesus^ 

Dec. 17. "Spent much time in sweet conversation on 
spiritual things with dear Mr. Humphreys. Rode to Rip- 
ton ; spent some time in prayer with dear Christian friends. 

Dec. 18. " Spent much time in prayer in the woods ; and 

"** It had been determined by the commissioners, who employed Brainerb 
^ a missionary, that he should go as soon as might be, convenienUy, to the In- 
^ans Uving near the Forks of Delaware river, in Pennsylvania, and the Indians 
On Snsquehannah river ; which being far off, where also he would be exposed to 
many hardships and dangers, was the occasion of his taking leave of his friends 
in tins manner. 

Vob.x. n 


seemed raised above the things of the world : my soul was 
strong in the Lord of hosts ; but was sensible of great bar- 

hordes day^ Dec. 19. "At the sacrament of the Lord^s 
supper I seemed strong in the Lord ; and the world, with all its 
frowns and flatteries, m a great measure disappeared, so that 
my soul had nothing to do with them ; and I felt a disposition 
to be wholly and for ever the Lord^s. — In the evening, enjoyed 
something of the divine presence ; had a humbling sense of my 
vileness, barrenness, and sinfiilness. Oh, it wounded me to 
think of the misimprovement of time ! God he merciful to me 
a sinner, 

Dec. 20. " Spent this day in prayer, reading, and writing ; 
and enjoyed some assistance, especially in correcting some 
thoughts on a certain subject ; but had a mournful sense of my 

Dec. 2L " Had a sense of my insufliciency for any public 
work and business, as well as to live to God. I rode over to 
Derby, and preached there. It pleased God to give me very 
sweet assistance and enlargement, and to enable me to speak 
with a Soft, tender power and energy. — We had afterwards a 
comfortable evening in singing and prayer. God enabled me 
to pray with as much spirituality and sweetness as I have done 
for some time : my mind seemed to be unclothed of sense and 
imagination, and was in a measure let into the immateriid 
world of spirits. This day was, I trust, through infinite good- 
ness, made very profitable to a number of us, to advance our 
souls in holiness and conformity to God : the glory be to him 
for ever. Amen. Hoto blessed is it to grow more and more 
like God. 

Dec. 22. " Enjoyed some assistance in preaching at Ripton ; 
but my soul mourned within me for my barrenness. 

Dec. 23. " Enjoyed, I trust, the presence of God this mom* 
ing in secret. On, how divinely sweet is it to come into the 
secret of his presence, and abide in his pavilion! — ^Took an 
afiectionate leave of friends, not expecting to see them again 
for a very considerable time, if ever in this world. Rode with 
Mr. Humphreys to his house in Derby ; spent the time in sweet 
conversation ; my soul was refreshed and sweetly melted with 
divine things. Ob that I was always consecrated to God I 
Near night, I rode to New-Haven, and there enjoyed some 
sweetness in prayer and conversation, with some dear Christian 
friends. My mmd was sweetly serious and composed; but 
alas ! I too much lost the sense of divine things.^^ 

He continued much in the same frame of mind, and in like 
exercises, the two following days. 


hordes Day^ Dec. 26. '' Felt much sweetness and tenderness 
in prayer, especially my whole soul seemed to love my worst 
enemies, and was enabled to pray for those that are strangers 
and enemies to God, with a great decree of softness and pa- 
thetic fervour. In the evening, rode from New-Haven to 
Branfcml, after I had kneeled down and prayed with a number 
of dear Christian friends in a very retired place in the woods, 
and so parted. 

D^c 27* ^*' Enjoyed a precious season indeed ; had a sweet 
melting sense of divine things, of die pure spirituality of the 
religion of Christ Jesus. In the evening, 1 preached from 
Matt. vL 33. But seek ye Jirst^ &c. with much freedom, and 
sweet power and pungency : the presence of God attended our 
meetiiig. Oh, the sweetness, the tenderness I felt in my soul ! 
If ever I felt the temper of Christ, I had some sense of it now. 
Blessed be my God, I have seldom enjoyed a more comfortable 
and profitable day than this. Oh, that I could spend all my 
time for God I 

JDec 28. '' Rode from Branford to Haddam. In the morn- 
ing my clearness and sweetness in divine things continued : 
but afterwards my spiritual life sensibly declined.^' 

The next twelve days^ he was for the most part extremely 
<lejected, discouraged, and distressed ; and was evidently very 
much QiKler the power of melancholy. There are from day to 
day most bitter complaints of exceeding vileness, ignorance, 
suid corruption ; an amazing load of gmlt, unwortbiness, even 
X.O creep on God^s earth, everlasting uselessness, fitness for no- 
^tiiing, dLC. and sometimes expressions even of horror at the 
tiioii^ts of ever preaching again. But yet, in this time of 
^reat dejection, he speaks of several intervals of divine help 
^nd cmnfort. 

The three next days^ which were spent at Hebron and the 
Orank, (a parish in Lebanon,) he had relief, and enjoyed con- 
siderable comfort. _ 

Jan. 14, 1743. '^ My spiritual conflicts to-day were unspeak- 
Uy dreadful, heavier than the mountains and overflowing 
floods. I seemed inclosed, as it were, in hell itself: 1 was de- 
prived of all sense of God, even of the being of a God ; and 
that was my misery. I had no awfiil apprehensions of God as 
angry. This was distress, the nearest akin to the damned^s 
tormeats, that I ever endured : their torment, I am sure, will 
ccHudat. much in a privaJtion of God^ and consequently of all 
^good» . This taught me the absolute dependence of a creature 
upon God the Creator, for every crumb of happiness it enjoys. 
Oh, I feel that, if there b no God, though I might live for ever 
here, and enjoy not only this* but all other worlds, I should be 


ten thousand times more miserable than a reptile. My soul 
was in such anguish I could not eat ; but felt as I suppose a 

roor wretch would that is just going to the place of executioR. 
was almost swallowed up with anguish, when I saw people 
gathering together, to hear me preach. However, I went in 
that distress to the house of God, and found not much relief in 
the first prayer: it seemed as if God would let loose the pe<H>Ie 
upon me to destroy me ; nor were the thoughts of death oich 
tressing to me, like my own vileness. But afterwards in my 
discourse from Deut. viii. 2. God was pleased to give me some 
freedom and enlargement, some power and spirituali^ ; and I 
spent the evening somewhat comfortably." 

The two next day 8^ his comfort continues, «md he seems to 
enjoy an almost continual sweetness of soul in the duties and 
exercises of religion and christian conversation. On Monday 
was a return of the gloom he had been under the Friday be- 
fore. He rode to Coventry this day, and the latter part dt Uie 
day had more fi'eedom. On Tuesday he rode to Canterbury^ 
and continued more comfortable. 

Jan. 19. "[At Canterbur}'.] In the afternoon preached 
the lecture at the Meeting-house ; felt some tenderness, and 
somewhat of the gospel temper : exhorted the people to love 
one another, and not to set up their own frames as a standard 
by which to try all their brethren. But was much pressed, 
most of the day, with a sense of my own badness, inward inii* 
purity, and unspeakable corruption. Spent the evening in 
tender, Christian conversation. 

Jan. 30. " Rode to my brother's house between Norwich 
and Lebanon ; and preached in the evening to a number of 
people: enjoyed neither freedom nor spirituality, but saw my- 
self exceeding unworthy. 

Jan. 21. " Had great inward conflicts ; enjoyed but little 
comfort. Went to see Mr. Williams of Lebanon, and spent 
several hours with him ; and was greatly delighted with his se- 
rious, deliberate, and impartial way of discourse about reli- 

The next day he waS much dejected. 

hordes day^ Jan. 23. I scarce ever felt myslelf so unfit to 
exist as now : saw I was not worthy of a place amonff the 
Indians, where I am going, if God permit: thought I should 
be ash.amed to look them in the face, and much more to have 
any respect shewn me there. Indeed I felt myself banished 
from the earth, as if all places were too good for such a 
wretch. I thought I should be ashamed to go among the very 


savages of Africa; 1 appeared to myself a creature fit for 
nothing, neither neaven nor earth. — None know, but those who 
feel it, what the soul endures that is sensibly shut out from the 
presence of God : alas ! it is more bitter than death/' 

On Monday he rode to Stonington, Mr. Fish's parish. — On 
Tuesday he expresses considerable degrees of spiritual comfort 
and refreshment. 

Jan. 26. " Preached to a pretty large assembly at Mr. Fish's 
meeting house : insisted on humility and steadfastness in keep 
ing God's commands ; and that through humility we should 
prefer one another in love, and not make our own frames the 
rule by which we judge others. I felt sweetly calm, and full of 
brotherly love : and never more free from party spirit. I hope 
some good will follow ; that Christinns will be freed from false 
Joy, and party zeal, and censuring one another." 

On Thursday^ after considerable time spent in prayer and 
Christian conversation, he rode to New-London. 

Jan. 28. " Here 1 found some fallen into extravagancies ; too 
much carried away with a false zeal and bitterness. Oh, the 
"want of a gospel temper is greatly to be lamented. Spent the 
evening in conversing about some points of conduct in both 
Tninisters and private Christians ; but did not agree with them, 
^od had not taught them with briars and thorns to be of a 
Ikind disposition towards mankind." 

On Saturday^ he rode to East-Haddam, and spent the three 

^^oUowing days there. In that space of time he speaks of 

feeling weanedness from the world, a sense of the nearness of 

eternity, special assistance in praying for the enlargement of 

Christ's kingdom, times of spiritual comfort, &c. 

Feb* 2. " Preached my farewell sermon last night, at the 
house of an aged man, who had been unable to attend on the 
public worship for some time. This morning, spent the time 
in prayer, almost wherever I went ; and having taken leave of 
friends, I set out on my journey towards the Indians ; though 
I was to spend some time at East-Hampton, on Long-Island, by 
leave of the commissioners who employed me in the Indian 
affair ;* and being accompanied by a messenger from East- 

* The reaaon why the commissioners or correspondents did not order Braijt- 
SED to go immediatelyto the Indians, and enter on his business as a missionary 
was, that the winter was not judged to be a convenient season for him first to go 
oQt into the wilderness, and enter on the difficulties and hardships to which he 
miut there be exposed. 


Hampton, we travelled to Lyme. On the road I felt an un- 
common pressure of mind : I seemed to struggle hard for some 
pkasure in something here below, and seemed loth to give up 
all for gone ; saw 1 was evidently throwing myself into all 
hardships and distresses in my present undertaking. I thought 
it would be less difficult to lie down in the grave ; but yet I 
chose to go, rather than stay. — Came to Lyme that night.^^ 

He waited the two next days for a passage over the sound, 
and spent much of the time in inward conflicts and dejection, 
but had some comfort 

On Sahirday he crossed the Sound, landed at Oyster-pond- 

e>int cm Long-Island, and travelled from thence to East- 
ampton. And the seven following days he spent there, for 
the most part, under extreme dejection and gloominess of mind 
with great complaints of darkness, ignorance, &c. Yet his 
heart appears to have been constantly engaged in the great 
business of religion, much concerned for the interest of reli- 
gion in East-Hampton, and praying and labouring much for it. 

Feb. 12. " Enjoyed a little more comfort ; was enabled to 
meditate with some composure of mind ; and especially in the 
evening, found my soul more refreshed in prayer, than at any 
time of late ; my soul seemed to " take hold of Uod's strength," 
and was comforted with his consolations. O, how sweet are 
some glimpses of divine glory ! how strengthening and quick- 
ening ! 

Lord^s day^ Feb. 13. " At noon, under a great degree of dis- 
couragement ; knew not how it was possible for me to preach 
in the afternoon. I was ready to give up all for gone ; but 
God was pleased to assist me in some measure. In the even- 
ing my heart was sweetly drawn out after God, and devoted 
to him.'* 

The next day^ he had comfort and dejection intermingled. 

Feb. 15. " Early in the day I felt some comfort ; afterwards 
I walked into a neighbouring grove, and felt more as a stranger 
on earth, I think, than ever before ; dead to any of the enjoy- 
ments of the world, as if I had been dead in a natural sense.— 
In the evening, had divine sweetness in secret duty ; God was 
then my portion, and my soul rose above those deep waters^ 
into which I have sunk so low of late. — My soul then cried for 
Zion, and had sweetness in so doing.'' 

This sweet frame continued the next morning ; but after- 
wards his inward distress returned. 


Feb. 17. " In the morning, found myself comfortable, and 
rested on God in some measure. — Preached this day at a little 
idllage belonging to East Hampton ; and God was pleased to 
give me his gracious presence and assistance, so that I spake 
ivith freedom, boldness, and some power. In the evening spent 
some time with a dear Christian friend ; and felt serious, as on 
the brink of eternity. My soul enjoyed sweetness in lively appre- 
hensions of standing before the elorious God : prayed with my 
dear friend with sweetness, and discoursed with the utmost 
solemnity. And truly it was a little emblem of heaven itselt — I 
Bnd my soul is more refined and weaned from a dependence on 
my frames and spiritual feelings. 

Feb. 18. " Felt somewhat sweetly most of the day, and found 
access to the throne of grace. Blessed be the Lord for any in- 
tervals of heavenly delight and composure, while 1 am engaged 
in. the field of battle. Oh, that I might be serious, solemn, and 
always vigilant, while in an evil worla ! Had some opportunity 
alone to day, and found some freedom in study. 0, 1 long to 
live to GodI 

Feb. 19. "Was exceeding infirm to-day, greatly troubled 
with pain in my head and dizziness, scarce able to sit up. 
However, enjoyed something of God in prayer, and performed 
some necessary studies. I exceedingly longed to die ; and yet, 
through divine goodness, have felt very willing to live, for two 
or three davs past. 

Lord*8 day^ Feb. 20. " I was perplexed on account of my 
carelessness ; thought I could not be suitably concerned about 
the important work of the day, and so was restless with my 
easiness. Was exceeding infirm again to-day ; but the Lord 
strengthened me, both in the outward and inward man, so that 
J preached with some life and spirituality, especially in the after- 
noon, wherein I was enabled to speak closely against selfish 
religion ; that loves Christ for his benefits, but not for himself.'* 

During the next j^ortnight^ it appears that for the most part 
he enjoyed much spirituafpeace and comfort. In his diary for 
this space of time, are expressed such things as these ; mourn- 
ing over indwelling sin, and unprofitableness ; deadness to the 
world ; longing after God, and to live to his glory ; heart melt- 
ing desires after his eternal home ; fixed reliance on God for 
km help ; experience of much divine assistance, both in the 
ivivate and public exercises of religion ; inward strength and 
courage in the service of God ; very frequent refreshment, con- 
solation, and divine sweetness in meditation, prayer, preach* 
ing, and christian conversation. ■ And it appears by his account, 
that this space of time was filled up with great diligence and 
earnestness in serving God, in study, prayer, meditation, preach- 
ing and privately instructing and counselling. 


March 7. " This morning when I arose, I found my hearty 
forth after God in longing desires of conformity to hun, and m 
secret prayer found myself sweetly quickened and drawn out in 
praises to God for all he had done to and for me, and for aH 
my inward trials and distresses of late. My heart ascribed glory, 
glory, glory to the blessed God ! and bid welcome to all iifward 
distress again, if God saw meet to exercise me with it. Tknc 
appeared but an inch long, and eternity at hand ; and I thought 
I could with patience and cheerfulness bear any thing for the 
cause of God ; for I saw that a moment would bring me to a 
world of peace and blessedness. My soul, by the strength of 
the Lord, rose far above this lower world, and all the vain 
amusements and frightful disappointments of it Afterwards, 
had some sweet meditation on Genesis v. 24. And Enoch 
walked with God^ &c. Thb was a comfortable day to my soul.*' 

The next day, he seems to have continued in a considerable 
degree of sweetness and fervency in religion. 

March 9. " Endeavoured to commit myself, and all my con- 
cerns to God. Rode sixteen miles to Montauk,* and had some 
inward sweetness on the road ; but somewhat of flatness and 
deadness after I came there and had seen the Indians. I- with- 
drew, and endeavoured to pray, but found myself awftiily de- 
serted and left, and had an afflicting sense of my vileness and 
meanness. However, I went and preached from Is. liii. 10. 
Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him, &c. Had some assist- • 
ance ; and I trust somewhat of the divine presence was among ' 
us. In the evening, I again prayed and exhorted among theib,^ 
after having had a season alone, wherein I was so pressed witlu 
the blackness of my nature, that I thought it was not fit for 
me to speak so much as to Indians.^^ 

The next day he returned to East-Hampton ; was exceeding 
infirm in body, through the remaining part of this week ; but 
speaks of assistance and enlargment in study and religious exer 
cises, and of inward sweetness, and breathing after God. 

Lord^s day, March 13. " At noon, I thought it impossible fc 
me to preach, by reason of bodily weakness, and inward dew 
ness. In the first prayer, I was so weak that I could hard 
stand ; but in the sermon God strengthened me, so that I spa 
near an hour and a half with sweet fi*eedom, clearness, a 
some tender power from Gen. v. 24. And Enoch walked to 
God. I was sweetly assisted to insist on a close walk with C 
and to leave this as my parting advice to God's people hi 
that they should walk with God. May the God of all gr 
succeed my poor labours in this place ! 

♦ Montaak is the eastern cape or end of Long-Island, inhabited chiefly b 

M£M01K;3 OF BRAliN£Rl>. 89 

March 14. " In the morning, was very busy in preparation 
for my journey, and was almost continually engaged in ejacula- 
tory. prayer. About ten, took leave of the dear people of East- 
Hampton ; my heart grieved and mourned, and rejoiced at the 
same time ; rode near fifty miles to a part of Brook-Haven, and 
lodged there, and had re&eshing conversation with a Christian 

In two days more, he reached New-York ; but complauis 
of much desertion and deadness on the road. He stayed one 
day in New- York, and on Friday went to Mr. Dickinson's at 
Elizabeth-Town. His complaints are the same as on the two 
preceding days. 

March 19. "Was bitterly distressed under a sense of my ig- 
norance, darkness, and unworthiness ; got alone, and poured 
out my complaint to God in the bitterness of my soul, in the 
afternoon, rode to Newark, and had some sweetness in con- 
Tersation with Mr. Burr,* and in praying together. O blessed 
l)e God for ever and ever, for any enlivening and quickening 

Lord^s day, March 20. " Preaphed in the forenoon : God 
^ve me some assistance and sweetness, and enabled me to 
speak with real tenderness, love, and impartiality. In the 
evening preached again ; and of a truth, God was pleased to 
assist a poor worm. Blessed be God, I was enabled to speak 
with life, power, and desire of the edification of God's people, 
and with some power to sinners. In the evening, I felt spirit- 
ual and watchful, lest my heart should by any means be drawn 
away from God. O when shall I come to that blessed world, 
where every power of my soul will be incessantly and eternally 
wound up in heavenly employments and enjoyments, to the 
highest degree ! 

On Monday, he went to Woodbridge, where he speaks of 
his being with a number of ministers ;t and, the day following 

* Afterwards President Burr, of Nassaa Hall. 

t These ministers were the Corretpondents who now met at Woodbridg^e, and 
gave Braotkbi) new directions. Instead of sending; him to the Indians i^ the 
Forks of Deleware, as before intended, they order^ him to g^o to a number of 
Indnuis at Kaananmeek ; a place in the province of New-York, in the woods 
between Stockbrid^ and Albany. Tins alteration was occasioned by two 
things. 1. Information which the correspondents had received of some conten- 
tion now snbsisting between the white people and the Indians at Delaware, con- 
earning their lands ; which they sappwed wonld be a hindrance, at present, to 
^leir entertainment of a missionary, and to his success among them. 2. Some 
intimations which they had receivi^ firom Mr. Sergeant, Missionary to the In- 
dians at Stoekbridge, concerning the Indians at Kaunanmeek, and the hopefal 
project of sQcccM which a Missionary might have among them. 

Vol. X. 11 


of his travelling part of the way towards New-York. On Wed- 
nesday^ he came to New- York. On Thursday^ he rode near 
fifty miles, from New- York to North-Castle. On Friday^ went 
to Danbury. Saturday to New-Milford. On the StMnxth he 
rode five or six miles to the place near Kent in Connecticut, 
called Scaticocke, where dwell a number of Indians,! and 
preached to them. On Monday being detained by the rain, he 
tarried at Kent. On Tuesday^ he rode from Kent to Salis- 
bury. Wednesday^ he went to Sheffield. Thursday^ March 
31, he went to Mr. Sergeant^s at Stockbridge. He was deject- 
ed and very disconsolate, through the main of this journey 
from New-Jersey to Stockbridge ; and especially on ue last 
day his mind was overwhelmed with pecidiar gloom and me- 

t These were the same Indians which Brainsrd mentions in his Diary, An*^ 
gust 12, 1742. 


From the Commencement of his labours at Kaunaumeek^tohu 


April 1, 1743. " I rode to Kaunaumeek, near twenty miles 
from Stockbridge, where the Indians live with whom I am con- 
. cerned, and there lodged on a little heap of straw. I was great- 
ly exercised with inward trials and distresses all day ; and in 
the evening, my heart was swik, and I seemed to have no God 
to go to. Oh that God would help me !^^ 

The next five days, he was for the most part in a dejected, 
depressed state of mind, and sometimes extremely so. He 
speaks of God^s ^' waves and billows rolling over his soul ;'*'' 
and of his being ready sometimes to say, ^^ Surely his mercy is 
clean gone forever, and he will be favourable no more ; and 
says, the anguish he endured, was nameless and inconceivable ; 
but at the same time speaks thus concerning his distresses, 
" What God designs by all my distresses, I know not ; but this 
1 know^ I deserve them all, and thousands more.'' He gives 
an account of the Indians kindly receiving him, and being se- 
riously attentive to his instructions. 

April 7. " Appeared to'myself exceedingly ignorant, weak, 
helpless, unworthy, and altogether unequal to my work. It 

. seemed to me, that I should never do any service, or have any 
success among the Indians. My soul was weary of my life ; I 
longed for death, beyond measure. When I thought of any 
go^y soul departed, my soul was ready to envy him his privi- 
lege, thinking, " O when will my turn come ! must it be years 
iirst !" But I know these ardent desires, at this and other times, 
rose partly for want of resignation to God under all miseries ; 
and so were but impatience. Towards night, I had the exer- 

. cise of faith in prayer, and some assistance in writing. Oh 

. that God would keep me near him ! 

April 8. " Was exceedingly pressed under a sense of my 
pride^ selfishness, bitterness, and party spirit, in times past, 

. while I attempted to promote the cause of God. Its vile na- 


ture and dreadful consequences appeared in such odious colours 
to me, that my very heart was pamed. I saw how poor souls 
stumbled over it into everlasting destruction, that 1 was con- 
strained to make that prayer in the bitterness of my soul, " O 
Lord, deliver me from blood-ffuiltiness." I saw my desert of 
hell on this account. My soul was full of inward anguish and 
shame before God, that I had spent so much time in conversa- 
tion tending only to promote a party-spirit. I saw that I had 
not suitably prized mortification, seff-denial, resi^ation under 
all adversities, meekness, love, candour, and holiness of heart 
and life : and this day was almost wholly spent in such bitter, 
and soul-afflicting reflections on my past firames and conduct. 
Of late, I have thought much of having the kingdom of Christ 
advanced in the world ; but now I saw I had enough to do 
within myself. The Lord be merciful to me a sinner^ md wash 
my soul I 

April 9. ^^ Remained much in the same state as yesterday , 
excepting that the sense of my vileness was not so quick and 

Lord*8 day^ April 10. ^^ Rose early in the moniiiig, and 
walked out and spent a considerable time in the woods, in 
prayer and meditation. Preached to the Indians, both fore- 
noon and afternoon. They behaved soberly ingen^nd: two 
or three in particular appeared under some religious concern ; 
with whom I discoursed privately ; and one told roe, ^^ that 
her heart had cried, ever since she had heard me preach first'' 

The next day^ he complains of much desertion. 

April 12. " Was greatly oppressed with grief and shame, 
reflecting on my past conduct, my bitterness and party zetd. 
I was ashamed, to think that such a wretch as 1 had ever 
preached. Longed to be excused fi-om that work. And when 
my soul was not in anguish and keen distress, ^^ I felt senseless 
as a beast before God,'' and felt a kind of guilty amusem^it 
with the least trifles ; which still maintained a kind of stifled 
horror of conscience, so that I could not rest any more than a 
condemned malefactor. 

April 13. " My heart was overwhelmed within me : I verily 
thought that I was the meanest, vilest, most helpless, guilty, 
ignorant, benighted creature living. And yet I knew what 
God had done for my soul, at the same time : thou^ some- 
times I was assaulted with damping doubts and fears, whether 
it was possible for such a wretch as I to be in a state of grace. 

April 14. " Remained njiuch in the same state as yester- 

April 15. " In the forenoon, very disconsolate. In the af- 
ternoon, preached to my people, and was a little encouraged 


in some hopes that God misht bestow mercy on their souls. 
Felt somewhat resigned to God under all dispensations of his 

April 16. Still in the depths of distress. In the afternoon, 
preached to my people ; but was more discouraged with them 
than before; feared that nothing would ever be done for them 
to any happy effect. I retired, and poured out my soul to God 
for mercy ; but without any sensible relief. Soon after came 
an Irishman and a Dutchman, with a design, as they said to 
hear me preach the next day ; but none can tell how I felt, to 
hear their profane talk. O I longed that some dear Christian 
knew my distress. I got into a kind of hovel, and there groan- 
ed ouj my complaint to God ; and withal felt more sensible 
gratitude and thankfulness to God, that he had made me to 
oifi!^ from these men, as I knew thrpu^ grace he had. 

Lord*s day J April 17. ^^ In the morning, was again distress' 
ed as soon as I awaked, hearing much tdk sJbout the world, 
and the thin^ of it I perceived that the men were in som^ 
measure afraid of me ; and 1 discoursed about sanctifying the 
Sabbath, if possible to solemnize their minds; but when they 
were at a little distance, they again talked freely about secular 
affairs. O I thought what a hdl it would be, to live with such 
men to eternity ! The Lord gave me some assistance in preach- 
ingy all day, and some resignation, and a small degree of com- 
fyit in prayer, at night.^' 

He continued in this disconsolate frame'^the next day. 

April 19. ^^ In the morning, I enjoyed some sweet repose 
and rest in God ; felt some strength and confidence in him ; 
and my soul was in some measure refreshed and comforted. 
Spent most of the day in writing, and had some exercise of 
grace, sensible and comfortable. My soul seemed lifted above 
the deq^ uHxters, wherein it has been so long almost drowned ; 
felt some q>iritual longings.and breathings of soul after God ; 
and found myself engaged for the advancement of Christ\i 
kingdom in my own soul. 

April ^. ^ Set apart this day for fasting and prayer, to bow 
my sool before God for the bestowment of divine grace ; espe- 
cialfy that all my spiritual afflictions, and inward distresses, 
mig^t be sanctified to my soul. And endeavoured also to re- 
m^nber the goodness of God to me the year past, this day be- 
ing my birth day. Having obtained help of God, I have 
hitherto lived, and am now arrived at the age of twenty-five 
y^tfs. My soul was pained to think of my barrenness and 
deadness ; that I have lived so little to the glory of the eternal 
God. I spent the day in the woods alone, and there ponred 


out my complaint to God. Oh that God would enable me to 
live to his glory for the future ! 

April 21. " Spent the forenoon in reading and prayer, and 
found myself engaged ; but still much depressed in spirit under 
a sense of my viTeness, and unfitness for any public service. In 
the afternoon, I visited my people, and prayed and conversed 
with some about their souls^ concerns : and afterwards found 
some ardour of soul in secret prayer. Oh that I might grow 
up into the likeness of God! 

April 22. ^^ Spent the day in study, reading, and prayer ; 
and felt- a little relieved of my burden, that has been so heavy 
of late. But still was in some measure oppressed ; and had a 
sense of barrenness. O my leanness testifies against me I my 
very soul abhors itself for its unlikeness to God, its inactivity 
ana sluggishness. When I have done all, alas, what an un- 
profitable servant am I ! My soul groans to see the hours of the 
day roll away, because I do not fill them in spirituality and 
heavenly-mindedness. And yet I long that they should speed 
their pace, to hasten me to my eternal home, where I may 
fiirup all my moments, through eternity, for God and his 

' On Saturday and Lord'^s day^ his melancholy again preyail- 
ed ; he complained of his ignorance, stupidity, and senseless- 
ness ; while yet he seems to have spent the time with the ut- 
most diligence, in study, in prayer, in instructing and counsel- 
ing the Indians. On Monday^ he sunk into the deepest 
melancholy ; so that he supposed he never spent a day in such 
distress in his life ; not in fears of hell, (which, he says, he had 
no pressing fear of) but a distressing sense of his own vileness, 
&c. On Tuesday, he expresses some relief. Wednesday^ he 
kept as a day of fasting and prayer, but in great distress. The 
three days next following^ his melancholy continued, but in a 
less degree, and with intervals of comfort. On the last of 
these days, he wrote the following letter to his brother John, 
then a student at Yale College, New-Haven. 

Kaunaumeek, April 30, 1743. 


I should tell you, " I long to see you," but my own expe- 
rience has taught me, that there is no happiness, and plenary 
satisfaction to be enjoyed in earthly friends, though ever so 
near and dear, or in any other enjoyment, that is not God him- 
self. Therefore, if the God of all grace be pleased gracious- 
ly to afford us each his presence and grace, that we may per- 
form the work, and endure the trials he calls us to, in a most 
distressing tiresome wilderness, till we arrive at our journey's 
end ; the local distance, at which we are held from each other. 


at present is a matter of no great moment or importance to 
either of us. But alas ! the presence of God is what I want. 
I live in the most lonely melancholy desert^ about eighteen 
miles from Albany ; for it was not thought best that I should 
go to Delaware River, as I believe I hinted to you in a letter 
from New- York. I board with a poor Scotchman : his wife 
can talk scarce any English, My diet consists mostly of hasty- 
pudding, boiled corn, and bread baked in the ashes, and some« 
times a little meat and butter. My lodging is a little heap of 
straw, laid upon some boards, a little way from the sround ; 
for it is a log room, without any floor, that I lodge in. My 
work is exceedingly hard and difficult: I travel on foot a mile 
and a half, the worst of ways, almost daily, and back again ; 
for I live so far from my Indians. I have not seen an English 
person this month. These, and many other circumstances, 
equally uncomfortable, attend me ; and yet my spiritual con- 
fitds and distresses J so far exceed all these,' that I scarce think 
of them, or hardly observe that I am not entertained in the 
most sumptuous manner. The Lord grant that I may learn 
to '^ endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ !'' As 
to my success here, I cannot say much as yet. The Indians 
seem generally kind, and well disposed towards me, are most- 
ly very attentive to my instructions, and seem willing to be 
taught further. Two or three, I hope, are under some canvic- 
tians ; but there seems to be little of the special workings of 
the divine Spirit among them yet ; which gives me many a 
heart-sinking hour. Sometimes I hope that God has abun- 
dant blessings in store for them and me ; but at other times I 
am so overwhelmed with distress, that I cannot see how his 
dealings with me are consistent with covenant love and faith- 
fiilness : and I say, ^^ Surely his tender mercies are clean gone 
for ever.'^ But however, I see that I needed all this chastisement 
already : " It is good for me," that I have endured these trials, 
and have hitherto little or no apparent success. Do not be dis- 
couraged by my distresses. I was under great distress, at Mr. 
JPomroy's, when I saw you last ; but " God has been with me of 
a truth," since that : he helped me sometimes sweetly at Long- 
Island, and elsewhere. But let us always remember, that we 
must through much tribulation^ enter into God^s eternal king- 
dom of rest and peace. The righteous are scarcely saved : it 
is an infinite wonder that we have well grounded hopes of 
being saved at all. For my part, I feel the most vile of any 
creature Uving; and I am sure sometimes, there is not such 
another existing on this side hell. Now all you can do for me, 
is, to pray incessantly, that God would make me humble, holy, 
resigned, and heavenly minded, by all my trials, ^^ Be«strong 
in we Lord, and in the power of his might" Let us rti??, 
wrestle^ anA fight ^ that we may win theprt^e, and obtain that 


complete happiness, to be ^^ holy, as God is holy.^^ So wishing 
and praying tnat you may advance in learning and g^&ce, am. 
be fit for special service for God, I remain your affectionate 


hordes day^ May 1. ^^ Was at Stockbrid^ to-day. In the 
forenoon, had some relief and assistance ; though not sonaiich 
as usual. In the afternoon, felt poorly in body and soul ; whUe 
I was preaching, seemed to be rehearsing idle talat, without 
the least hfe, fervour, sense, or comfort ; and especially after- 
wards at the sacrament, my soul was filled with confiision, and 
the utmost anguish that ever I endured, under the ieeXmf of 
my inexpressible vileness and meanness. It was a most bitter 
and distressing season to me, by reason of the view I had of 
my own heart, and the secret abominations that lurk there : I 
thought that the eyes of all in the house were upon me, and I 
dared not look any one in the face ; for it verily seemed as if 
they saw the vileness of my heart, and all the sins I had ever 
been guilty of. And if I had been banished firom the ju'eaence 
of all mankind, never to be seen any more, or so much as 
thought of, still I should have been distressed with shame ; and 
I should have been ashamed to see the most barbarous prople 
on earth, because I was viler, and seemingly more brutistily 
ignorant than they. ^^I am made to possess the sins of my 


The remaining days of this week were spent, for the most 
part, in inward distress and gloominess. The next Sabbaihy 
he had encouragement, assistance, and comfort ; but on 3foft- 
day sunk again. 

May 10. " Was in the same state, as to my mind, that I 
have been in for some time; extremely oppressed with a sense 
of guilt, pollution, and blindness : ^^ The iniquity of my heels 
hath compassed me about : the sins of my youth have l>een set 
in order before me ; they have gone over my head, as a heavy 
burden, too heavy for me to bear." Almost all the acti<Hi8 of 
my life past, seem to be covered over with sin and guilt ; and 
those of them that I performed in the most conscientious man- 
ner, now fill me with shame and confusion, that I cannot hold 
up my face. O, the pride^ selfishness^ hypocrisy^ ignorance^ 
bitterness^ party zeal and the want of love^ candour^ meekness, 
and gentleness^ that have attended my attempts topromote re- 
ligion and virtue ; and this when I have reason to hope I had 
real assistance fi'om above, and some sweet intercourse from 
heaven ! But alas, what corrupt mixtures attended my best du- 
ties !" 


The next seven dayz^ his gloom and distress continued for 
the most part, but he had some turns of relief and spiritual 
comfort He gives an account of his spending part of tlus time 
in hard labour, to build himself a little cottage to live in 
amon^t die Indians, in which he might be by himself; ha- 
ving, It seems, hitherto lived with a poor Scotchman, as he ob- 
serves in the letter just now given ; and afterwards, before 
his own house was habitable, he liv^d in a wigwam among the 

M^oy 18. ** My circumstances are such, that I have no com- 
fort of any kind, but what I have in God. I live in the most 
lonesome wilderness ; have but one single person to converse 
with that can speak English.^ Most of the talk I hear, is either 
Hi^land Scotch, or Indian. I have no feliow-christian to 
whom I may unbosom myself, or lay open my spiritual sorrows ; 
with whom I may take sweet counsel in conversation about 
heavenly things, and join in social prayer. I live poorly vvith 
regard to the comforts of life : most of my diet consists of 
boiled com, hasty-pudding, &c. I lodge on a bundle of straw, 
my labour is hard and extremely difficult, and I have little ap- 
pearance of success, to comfort me. The Indians have no land 
to live on, but what the Dutch people lay claim to ; and these 
threaten to drive them off. They have no regard to the souls 
ci the poor Indians ; and by what I can learn, they hate me 
because I come to preach to them. But that which makes all 
my difficulties grievous to be borne, is, that God hides his face 
from fne. 

May 19. ^^ Spent most of this day in close study : but was 
sometimes so distressed that I could think of notnins but my 
spiritual blindness, ignorance, pride, and misery. O I have rea- 
son to make that prayer, " Lord, forgive my sins of youth, and 
former trespasses.'^ 

May 30. " Was much perplexed some part of the day : but 
towards night, h^d some comfortable meditations on Is. xl. 1. 
Comfort ye. Comfort ye, ^c. and dnjoyed some sweetness in 
prayer. Afterwards, my soul rose so far above the deep waters, 
that I dared to rejoice in God. I saw that there was sufficient 
matter of consolation in the blessed God.'^ 

The next nine days, his burdens were for the most part alle- 
viated, but with variety ; at some times, having considerable 

This person was Braiverd's interpreter, an ingenious young Indian, bfr> 
loDftiiig to Stockbridge, whose name was John Wautoaumpequunnauni. He 
had bMD instnicted in the Christian religion, by Mr. Sergeant ; bad lived with 
the RflT. Mr. Williams, of Long-Meadow ; bad been farther instructed bybim 
at the eliai|;8 of Mr. HoUis of London ; and understood both English and In- 
di»iTery well, and wrote a good hand. 

Vot. X. 13 


consolation ; and at others, being more depressed. The qext 
day, Monday^ May 30, he set out on a journey to New Jersey, 
to consult the commissioners who employed him about the n- 
fairs of his mission.* He performed his journey thither mfour 
days, ; and arrived at Mr. Burr's in Newark on Thursday* In 
great part of his journey, he was in the depths of melsmcholy, 
under distresses hke those ahready mentioned. On Fridoij/^ he 
rode to Elizabeth town : and on Saturday to New York ; and 
from thence on his way homewards as rar as White Plains. 
There he spent the Sabbath^ and had considerable degrees of 
divine consolation and assistance in public services. On ilfoit- 
day, he rode about sixty miles to New Haven. There he bJ^ 
tempted a reconciliation with the Faculty of the college ; aiul 
spent this week in visiting his friends in those parts, and in Bis 

g' »urney homewards, till Saturday j in a pretty comfortable 
ame of mind. On Saturday, in his way from Stockbridge to 
Kaunaumeek, he was lost in the woods, and lay all night.in the 
open air ; but happily found his way in the morning, and ca^le 
to bis Indians on Lord^s day, June 12, and had greater assis- 
tance in. preaching among tnem than ever before, since his first 
coming among them. 

iProm this time forward he was the subject of various Q*ames 
and exercises of mind : in the general, much after the same 
ms^iner as hitherto, from his first coming to Kaunaumeek tiU 
he got into his own house, (a Uttle hut, which he made chie% 
with his own hands, by long and hard labour,) which was near 
seven weeks from this time. The great part of this time, he 
was dejected, and depressed with melancholy ; sometimes ex- 
tremely ; his melancholy operating in like manner, as related 
in times past. How it was with him in those dark seasons, he 
himself further describes in his diary for July 2, in the follow- 
ing manner. " My soul is, and has for a long time beea in a 
piteous condition, wading through a series of sorrows, of va* 
rious kinds. I have been so crushed down sometimes with a 
sense of my meanness and infinite unworthiness, that I have 
been ashamed that any, even the meanest of my fellow-crea- 
tures, should so much as spend a thought about me ; and have 
wished sometimes, while travelling among the thick brakes, to 
drop, as one of them, into everlasting oblivion. In this ease, 
sometimes I have almost resolved never again to see any of 
my acquaintance : and really thought, I could not do it and 
hold up my face ; and have longed for the remotest region, for 
a retreat from all my friends, that I might not be seen or heard 
of any more. Sometimes the consideration of my ignorance 
has been a means of my great distress and anxiety. And es- 

* His business with the commissioners now was, to obtain orders for them to 
set np^ school among the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and that his interpreter 
might be appointed the schoolmaster, which was accordingly done. 


pecialiy my soul has been in anguish with fear, shame, and 

§iiilt, that ever I had preached, or had any thought that way. — 
ometimes my soul has been in distress on feeling some parti- 
cular corruptions rise and swell like a mighty torrent, with 
present violence ! having, at the same time, ten thousand for- 
mer sins and follies presented to view, in all their blackness and 
ag^vations. — And these, while destitute of most of the con- 
veniences of life, and I may say, of all the pleasures of it; 
without a friend to communicate any of my sorrows to, and 
sometimes without any place of retirement, where 1 may un- 
burden my soul before God, which has greatly contributed to 
my distress.— -Of late, more especially, my great difficulty has 
been a sort of carelessness, a kind of regardless temper of 
mind, whence I have been disposed to indolence and trifling : 
and tfiis temper of mind has constantly been attended with 
guilt and shame ; so that sometimes I have been in a kind of 
horror, to find myself so unlike the blessed God. I have 
thought I grew worse under all my trials ; and nothing has cut 
and wounded my soul more than this. O, if I am one of 
God^s chosen, as I trust through infinite grace I am, I find of 
a truth, that the righteous are scarcely saved.'*'* 

It is apparent, that one main occasion of that distressing 

floominess of mind which he was so much exercised with at 
[aunaumeek, was reflection on his past errors and misguided 
zeal at coUege^ in the beginning of the late religious commo- 
tioiifl. And therefore he repeated his endeavours this year for 
reconciliation with the governors of the college, whom he had 
at that time offended. Although he had been at New Haven, 
in June, this year, and attempted a reconciliation, as mentioned 
already ; yet, in the beginning of July, he made another jour- 
ney thither, and renewed his attempt, but still in vain. 

Although he was much dejected, most of the time of which 
I am now speaking; yet he had mamr intermissions of his 
melandioly, and some seasons of comfort, sweet tranquillity 
and resignation of mind, and fi'equent special assistance in 
public services, as appear in his diary. The manner of his re- 
lief from his sorrow, once in particular, is worthy to be men- 
tiened in his own words. ^^ July 25. Had little or no resohi- 
ti<m for a life of holiness; was ready almost to renounce mv 
hopes of living to God. And O how dark it looked, to think 
ef eong unholy for ever ! This I could not endure. The cry 
of tsy soul was, Psal. Ixv. 3. Iniquities prevail against me. 
But 1 was in some measure relieved by a comfortable medita- 
tion on God's eternity, that he never had a beginning. Whence 
I was led to admire his greatness and power, in such a man- 
ner, that I stood still, and praised the Lord for his own glories 
and perfections : though I was (and if I should for ever be) an 

100 XfiMOlRS or BRAINfilU>. 

unholy creature, my soul was comforted to apprehend an. eter- 
nal, infinite, powerful, holy God.'' 

July 30. " Just at night, moved into my own hause^ and 
lodged there that night ; found it much better spending the time 
alone than in the wigwam where I was before. 

Lord's day^ July 31. " Felt more comfortably than some 
' days past — Blessed be the Lord, who has now ^ven me a 

Elace of retirement. — Oh that I may find God in it, and that 
e would dwell with me for ever ! 

Aug. 1. "Was still busy in further labours on my house- 
Felt a little of the sweetness of religicm, and thought that it 
was worth while to fellow after God through a thousand 
snares, deserts, and death itself. Oh that I might always/bZ- 
low after holiness^ that I may be fully conformed to God ! 
Had some degree of sweetness in secret prayer, though I had 
much sorrow. 

Aug. 2. " Was still labouring to make myself more com* 
fortable, with regard to my house and lodging. Laboured 
under spiritual anxiety : It seemed to me that I Served to be 
thrust out of the world ; yet found some comfort in committing 
my cause to God. It is good for me to be afflicted^ that I may 
die wholly to this world, and all that is in it. 

Aug. 3. " Spent most of the day in writing. Enjoyed some 
sense of religion. Through divine goodness I am now unin- 
terruptedly alone ; and find my retirement comfortable. I have 
enjoyed more sense of divine things within a few days last 
past, than for some time before. I longed after holiness,, hd- 
mility, and meekness : Oh that God would enable me to " pass 
the time of my sojourning here in his fear," and always live to 
him ! 

Aug. 4. " Was enabled to pray much, through the whole 
day ; and through divine goodness found some intenseness of 
soul in the duty, as I used to do, and some ability to persevere 
in my supplications. I had some apprehensions of divine 
things, which afforded me courage and resolution. It is good^ 
I find, to persevere in attempts to pray, if I cannot pray with 
perseverance^ i. e. continue long in my addresses to the divine 
Being. I have generally found, that the more I do in secret 
prayer, the more I have delighted to do^ and have enjoyed more 
of a spirit of prayer : and frequently have found the contrary, 
when with journeying or otherwise I have been much deprived 
of retirement. A seasonable, steady performance of secret 


OP ALL TIME, filling up cvcry hour with some profitable labour, 
either of heart, head, or hands, are excellent means of spiritual 
peace and boldness before God. — Christy indeed, is ourpeace^ 
and by him we have boldness of access to God ; but a good con* 


Science^ void of offence^ is an excellent preparation for an ap- 
proach into the divine presence. There is a difference between 
self-confidence or a self-righteous pleasing of ourselves — as 
with our own duties, attainments, and spiritual enjoyments — of 
which good men are sometimes guilty, and that holy confidence 
arising from the testimony of a good conscience, which good 
UezeSah had, when he says, " Remember, O Lord, 1 beseech 
thee, how I have walked before thee in truth, and with a per- 
fect hesurt/^ Then^ says the holy psalmist, shall I not be asham' 
ed when I have respect to all thy commandments. Filling up 
our time with and for God, is the way to rise up and lie down 
in peace." 

The next eight days^ he continued for the most part in a 
very comfortable frame, having his mind fixed and sweetly en- 
gaged in religion ; and more than once blesses God, that he 
had given him a little cottage^ where he might live alone, and 
enjoy a happy retirement, free from noise and disturbance, and 
could at any hour of the day lay aside all studies, and spend 
time in lifting up his soul to God for spiritual blessings. 

Aug. 13. " Was enabled in secret prayer to raise my soul to 
God, with desire and delight It was indeed a blessed season. 
I found the comfort of being a christian ; and counted the suf- 
ferings of the present life not worthy to be compared with the 
glory of divine enjoyments even in this world. All my past 
sorrows seemed kmdly to disappear, and I " remembered no 
more the sorrow, for joy.''-T-0, how kindly, and with what a 
filial tenderness, the soul confides in the Rock of Ages^ at 
such a season, that he will " never leave it, nor forsake it,"'' 
that he will cause " all things to work together for its good !'* 
I longed, that others should know how good a God the Lord is. 
My soul was full of tenderness and love, even to the most in^ 
veterate of my enemies. I earnestly desired that they should 
share in the same mercy ; and loved that God should do just 
as he pleased with me and every thing else. I felt peculiarly 
serious, calm, and peaceful, and encouraged to press after ho* 
lihess as long as I live, whatever difficulties and trials may be 
in my way. May the Lord always help me so to do ! Amen, 
and Amen. 

Lord^s day^ Aug. 14. " I had much more freedom in public, 
than in private. God enabled me to speak with some feeling 
sense of divine things ; but perceived no considerable effect. 

Aug. 15. " Spent most of the day in labour, to procure 
something to keep my horse on in the winter. Enjoyed not 
omch sweetness in the morning; was very weak in body 
through the day ; and thought that this frail body would soon 
drop into the dust ; and had some very realizing apprehensions 


of a speedy entrance into another world. In this weak state of 
body, I was not a little distressed for want of suitable food. I 
had no bread, nor could I get any. I am forced to go or send 
ten or fifteen miles for all the bread I eat ; and sometimes it ifl 
mouldy and sour before I eat it, if I get any considerable quan- 
tity. And then again I have none for some days together, for 
want of an opportunity to send for it, and cannot find my horse 
in the woods to go myself; and this was my case now; but 
through divine goodness I had some Indian meoZ, of which I 
made little cakes, and fried them. Yet I felt contented with 
my circumstances, and sweetly resigned to God. In prayer I 
enjoyed great freedom ; and blessed God as much for my |Mrc- 
sent circumstances, as if I had been a king ; and thought that 
I found a disposition to be contented in any circumstances. 
Blessed he God.^"* 

The rest of this week^ he was exceedingly weak in bcMly, and 
much exercised with pain ; yet obliged from day to day to la* 
hour hard, to procure fodder for his horse. Except some part 
of the time, he was so very ill, that he was neither able to woriL 
nor study ; but speaks of longings after holiness and perfect 
confwmity to God. He complains of enjoying but little of 
God : yet he says, that little was better to him, than all the 
world besides. In his diary for Saturday^ he says, be was 
somewhat melancholy and sorrowful in mind ; and adds, ^ I 
never feel comfortably, but when 1 find my soul going f<Mrth 
after God. If 1 cannot be holy I must necessarily be raisera^* 
ble for ever.'' 

■ Lord^s day^ Aug. 21. " Was much straitened in the fore- 
noon exercise ; my thoughts seemed to be all scattered to the 
ends of the earth. At noon, I fell down before the Lord, 
groaned under my vileness, barrenness, and deadness ; and felt 
as if I was guilty of soul-murder, in speaking to immortal 
souls in such a manner as I had then done. In the afternoon, 
God was pleased to give me some assistance, and I was ena- 
bled to set before my hearers the nature and necessity of true 
repentance. Afterwards, had some small degree of thankful- 
ness. Was very ill and full of pain in the evening ; and my 
soul mourned that I had spent so much time to so little 

Aug. 22. ^^ Spent most of the day in study ; and found my 
bodily strength in a measure restored. Had some intense and 
passionate breathings of soul after holiness, and very clear 
manifestations of my utter inability to procure, or work it in 
myself; it is wholly owing to the power of God. O, with 
what tenderness the love and desire of holiness fills the soul ! 
I wanted to wing out of myself to God, or rather to get a con- 


fonnity to him : but, alas ! I cannot add to my stature in grace 
one cubit However, my soul can never leave striving for it ; 
or at least groaning, that it cannot strive for it, and bbtam more 
purity of heart. — At night, I spent some time in instructing my 
poor people. Oh that God would pity their souls ! 

Aug. 23. " Studied in the forenoon, and enjoyed some free- 
dom. In the afternoon, laboured abroad: endeavoured to 
way : but found not much sweetness or intenseness of mind. 
Towards night, was very weary, and tu-ed of this world of sor- 
row : the thoughts of death and inunortality appeared very de- 
sirable, and even refreshed my soul. Those lines turned in my 
mind with pleasure, 

^^ Come death, shake hands; I'U kiss thy bands; 
^^ *Tis happiness for me to die. — 
•* What !— dost thou think, that I wiU shrink? 
" ril go to immortality.'? 

*■* In evening prayer, God was pleased to draw near my soul, 
though very sinful and unworthy ; so that I was enabled to 
wrestle with God, and to persevere in my requests for grace. I 
poured out my soul for all the world, friends and enemies. My 
soul was concerned, not so much for souls as such, but rather 
for Christ^s kingdom, that it might appear in the world, that 
Grod might be known to be God, in the whole earth. And O 
my soul abhorred the very thought of a party in religion ! Let 
the truth of God appear, wherever it is ; and God have the 

flory for ever. Amen. This was indeed a comfortable season, 
thought I had some small taste of, and real relish for the en- 
joyments and employments of the upper world. Oh that my 
scoil was more attempered to it ! 

Aug. 24. ^^ Spent some time, in the morning, in study and 
prayer. Afterwards, was engaged in some necessary business 
abroad. Towards night, found a little time for some particular 
studies. I thought, tf God should say, ^^ Cease making any 
provision for this life, for you shall in a few days go out of time 
mto eternity," my soul would leap for joy. Oh that I may both 
" desire to.be dissolved, to be with Christ," and likewise " wait 
patiently all the days of my appointed time till my change 
come !" But, alas ! I am very unfit for the business and bless- 
edness of heaven. Oh for more holiness f 

Aug. 25. " Part of the day, was engaged in studies ; and 
part in labour abroad. I find it is impossible to enjoy peace 
and tranquillity of mind, without a careful improvement of 
tioie. This is really an imitation of God and Christ Jesus : 
** My Fati^er worketh hitherto, and I work," says our Lord. 
But Btill, if we would be like God, we must see that we fill up 
our time for him. I daily long to dwell in perfect light and 
love. In the mean time, my soul mourns that I make so little 


frogress in grace, and preparation for the world of blessedness ; 
see and know that I am a very barren tree in God's vineyard, 
and that he might justly say, " Cut it down," &c. Oh that God 
would make me more lively and vigorous in grace, for his own 
glory! Amen." 

The two next days^ he was much engaged in the necessaiy 
labours, in which he extremely spent himself. He seems these 
days to have had a great sense of the vanity of the world ; con- 
tinued longings after holiness, and more fervency of spirit in 
the service of God. 

hordes day, Aug, 28. " Was much perplexed with some irre- 
liffious Dutchmen. All their discourse turned upon the things 
of the world ; which was no small exercise to my mind. O 
what a hell it would be to spend an eternity with such men ! 
Well might David say, ^^ I beheld the transgressors, and was 
grieved." But adored be God, heaven is a place into which no 
unclean thing enters. O I long for the holiness of that world ! 
Lord prepare me for t>." 

The next day he set out on a journey to New York. Was 
somewhat dejected the two first days of his joumev ; but yet 
seems to have enjoyed some degrees of the sensible presence 
of God. 

Aug. 31. ^^ Rode down to Bethlehem ; was in a sweet, se* 
rious, and, I hope, christian frame, when I came there. Eternal 
things engrossed all my thoughts ; and I longed to be in the 
world of spirits. O how happy is it, to have all our thoughts 
swallowed up in that world : to feel one's self a serious, consi- 
derate stranger in this world, diligently seeking a road through 
it, the best, the sure road to the heavenly Jerusalem ! 

Sept. 1. " Rode to Danbury. Was more dull and dejected 
in spirit, than yesterday. Indeed, I always feel comfortably, 
when God realizes death, and the things of another world, to 
my mind. Whenever my mind is taken off from the things of 
this world, and set on God, my soul is then at re«f." 

He went forward on his journey, and came to New York on 
the next Monday. And, after tarrying there two or three days^ 
he set out from that city towards New Haven, intending to be 
there at the commencement ; and, on Friday^ came to Horse- 
neck. In the mean time, he complains much of dulness, and 
want of fervour in religion ; but yet, from time to time, speaks 
of his enjoying spiritual warmth and sweetness in conversation 
with Christian friends, and assistance in public service?. 


S^t 10. " Rode six miles to Stanwich, and preached to a 
considerable assembly of people. Had some assistance and 
freedom, especially towards the close. Endeavoured much af- 
terwards, in private conversation, to establish holiness, humility, 
meekness, &c. as the essence of true religion ; and to moderate 
some noisy sort of persons, who appearecfto me to be actuated 
by unseen spiritual pride. Alas, into what extremes men incline 
to run ! — Returned to Horseneck ; and felt some seriousness and 
sweet solemnity in the evening. 

Lord*8 datK Sept. 11. " In the afternoon, I preached from 
Tit. iii. 8. This is a faithful sayings and these things^ ^c. 1 
think God never helped me more in painting true religion, and 
in detecting clearly, and tenderly discountenancing false ap- 
pearances of religion, wild-fire, party-zeal, spiritual pride, &c. 
as well as a confident dogmatical spirit, and its spring, viz. igno- 
ranee of the heart. In the evening, took much pains in private 
conversation to suppress some confusions, which I perceived 
were among that people. 

Sept, 12. " Rode to Mr. Mills' at Ripton. Had some per- 
plexing hours ; but was some part of the day very comfortable. 
It is ** through great trials," I see, " that we must ^nter the gates 
of paradise.^' If my soul could but be holy, that God might 
not be dishonoured, methinks I could bear sorrows. 

SepU 13. " Rode to New Haven. Was sometimes dejected ; 
not in the sweetest frame. Lodged at ****. Had some profita- 
ble christian conversation. I find, though my inward trials were 
great, and a life of solitude gives them greater advantage to 
settle, and penetrate to the very inmost recesses of the soul ; yet 
it is better to be alone, than incumbered with noise and tumult. 
I find it very diflScult maintaining any sense of divine things, 
while removing from place to place, diverted with new objects, 
and filled with care and business. A settled, steady busmess, 
is best adapted to a life of strict religion. 

Sqot. 14. « This day I ought to have taken my degree ;* 
but God sees fit to deny it me. And though I was greatly 
afiraid of being overwhelmed with perplexity and confusion, 
when I should see my class-mates take theirs ; yet, at the very 
time, God enabled me with calmness and resignation to say, 
" the will of the Lord be done." Indeed, through divine good- 
ness, I have scarcely felt my mind so cahn, sedate, and coni- 
fcHTtable, for. some time. I have long feared this season, and 
expected my humility, meekness, patience, and resignation, 
would be much tried ;t but found much more pleasure and di- 

* This being commencement'duj, 

t His trial was the greater, ia that, had it not been for the displeasure of Oic 
gorernors of the college, he would not only on that day have shared wiUi his 
claas-mates in the public honours which they then received, but would, on Wat 

Vol. 10. 14 


vine comfort, than 1 expected. Felt spiritually serious, tender 
and affectionate in private prayer with a dear christian firiend 


Sept. 15. " Had some satisfaction in hearing the ministers 
discourse. It is always a comfort to me, to hear religious and 
spiritual conversation. Oh that ministers and people were more 
spiritual and devoted to God ! — Towards night, with the advice 
of christian friends, I offered the following reflections in wri- 
ting, to the rector and trustees of the college — which are, for 
substance, the same that I had freely offercHi to the rector be- 
fore, and intreated him to accept — that, if possible, I might cut 
off all occasion of offence, from those who seek occasion. 
What I offered, is as follows : 

^^ Whereas I have said before several persons, concerning Mr. 
Whittelsey, one of the tutors of Yale College, that I did not 
believe he had any more grace than the chair I then leaned 
upon ; I humbly confess, that herein I have sinned against God, 
and acted contrary to the rules of his word, and have injured 
Mr. Whittelsey. I had no right to make thus free with his cha- 
racter ; and had no just reason to say as I did concerning him. 
jMy fault herein was the more aggravated, in that I said this 
concerning one who was so much my superior, and one whom 
I was obliged to treat with special respect and honour, by rea- 
son of the relation I stood in to him in the college. Such a 
manner of behaviour, I confess, did not become a christian ; it 
was taking too much upon me, and did not savour of that hum- 
ble respect, which I ought to have expressed towards Mr. Whit- 
telsey. I have long since been convinced of the falseness of 
those apprehensions, by which I then justified such a conduct. 
I have often reflected on this act with grief; I hope on account 
of the sin of it : and am willing to lie low, and be abased be- 
fore God and man for it. I humbly ?i3k the forgiveness of the 
fovernors of the college, and of the whole society ; but of Bfr. 
l^hittelsey in particular. And whereas I have been accused 
by one person of saying concerning the reverend rector of Yale 
College, that I wondered he did not expect to drop down dead 
for fining the scholars that followed Mr. Tennent to Milford ; 
I seriously profess, that I do not remember my saying any thing 
to this purpose. But if I did, which I am not certain I did not, 
f utterly condemn it, and detest all such kind of behaviour ; 
and especially in an under-graduate towards the rector. And 
I now appear to judge and condemn myself for going once to 
the separate meeting in New Haven, a little before I was ex- 
pelled, though the rector had refused to give me leave. For 
this, I humbly ask the rector's forgiveness. And whether the 

occasion, have appeared at the head of that class ; which, if he had been with 
them, would have been the most numerous of any that ever had been graduated- 
at thatcoUeg:e. 


fQvernors of the college shall ever see cause to remove the aca- 
emical censure I lie under, or no, or to admit me to the pri- 
vileges I desire, yet I am willing to appear, if they think fit, 
openly to own," and to humble myself for those things I have 
herein confessed." 

*^ God has made me willing to do anything that I can do, con- 
sistent with truth, for the sake of peace, and that I might not be 
a stumbling block to others. For this reason I can cheerfully 
forego, and give up what 1 verily believe, after the most mature 
and impartial search is my right, in some instances. God has 
given me the disposition, that, if a man has done me an hundred 
injuries, and I (though ever so much provoked to it) have done 
him only one, I feel disposed, and heartily willing humbly to 
confess my fault to him, and on my knees to ask forgivenesiS 
of him ; though at the same time he should justify himself in 
all the injuries he has done me, and should only make use of my 
humble confession to blacken my character the more, and repre- 
sent me as the only person guilty ; yea, though he should as it 
were insult me, and say, ^^ he knew all this before, and that I 
was making work for repentance.'' Though what I said con- 
cerning Mr. Whittelsey was only spoken in private, to a friend 
or two ; and \yeing partly overheard, was related to the rector, 
and by him extorted fi-om my friends ; yet, seeing it was di- 
vulged and made public, I was willing to confess my fault there- 
in publicly. But I trust God will plead my cause." 

I was witness to the very christian spirit which Brainerd 
ahowed at that time ; being then at New Haven, and one whom 
he thought fit to consult on that occasion. This was my first 
opportunity of a personal acquaintance with him. There truly 
appeared in him a great degree of calmness and humility ; 
without the least appearance of rising of spirit for any ill treat- 
ment which he supposed he had suffered or the least backward- 
ness to abase himself before them, who as he thought, had 
wronged him. What he did was without any objection or ap- 
pearance of reluctance, even in private to his friends, to whom 
he fireely opened himself. Earnest application was made on 
his behalf to the authority of the college, that he might have 
his degree then given him ; and particularly by the Rev. Mr. 
Burr of Newark, one of the correspondents of the honourable 
society m Scotland ; he being sent from New Jersey to New 
Haven, by the rest of the commissioners, for that end ; and 
many arguments were used, but without success. Indeed, the 
governors of the college were so far satisfied with the reflec- 
tions which Brainerd had made on himself, that they a{)peared 
willing to admit him again into college ; but not to give him 
his degree, till he should have remained there at least twelve- 
months, which being contrary to what the correspondents, to 
whom he was now engaged, had declared to be their mind. 


108 HJtMOliib OF BKAIi\£ai>. 

he did not consent to it. He desired his degree, as he 
thought it would tend to his being more extensively useful ; but 
still when he was denied it, he manifested no disappointnient or 

resentment. The next day lie went to Derby ; then to South- .- 

bury, where he spent the Sabbath : and speaks of some spiritual -^^ 
comfort ; but complains much of unfixedness, and wanderings oTlsK^Tf 
mind in religion. 

SepL 19. " In the afternoon, rode to Bethlehem, and 
preached. Had some measure of assistance, both in prayer acnciE=J 
preaching. I felt serious, kind and tender towards all mankind^ % 
and longed that holiness might flourish more on earth. 

SepU 20. " Had thoughts of going forward on my journey i 
my Indians ; but towards night was taken with a hard pain in m^ 
teeth, and shivering cold ; and could not possibly recover a coni< 
fortable desree of warmth the whole night following. I conti 
nued very mil of pain all night ; and in the morning had a v 
hard fever, and pains almost over my whole body, ihad a 
of the divine goodness in appointing this to be the place of m; 
sickness, among my friends, who were very kind to me. I shouli 

I)robably have perished, if I had first got home to my ow: 
louse in the wilderness, where I have none to converse wit 
but the poor, rude, ignorant Indians. Here, I saw, was merc^^ 
in the midst of affliction. I continued thus, mostly confined tc:^ 
my bed, till Friday night ; very full of pain most of the time ^ 
but through divine goodness, not afraid of death. Then, the 
extreme folly of those appeared to me, who put off their turning: 
to God till a sick bed. Surely this is not a time proper to pre- 
pare for eternity. On Friday evening my pains went ofi* some- 
what suddenly. I was exceedingly weak, and almost fainted ; 
but was very comfortable the night following. These words, 
Psal. cxviii. 17. " I shall not die, but live," &c. I frequently 
revolved in niy mind ; and thought we were to prize the con- 
tinuation of life, only on this account, that we may " show 
forth God's goodness and works of grace," 

From this time he gradually recovered ; and the next Tues- 
day was so well as to be able to go forward on his journey 
homewards ; but it was not till the Tuesday following, that he 
reached Kaunaumeek. He seems great part of this time, to 
have had a very deep and lively sense of the vanity and empti- 
ness of all things here below, and of the reality, nearness, and 
vast importance of eternal things. 

Oct. 4. " This day rode home to my own house and people^ 
The poor Indians appeared very glad of my return. Found 
my house and all things in safety. I presently fell on my knees, 
and blessed God for my safe return, after a long and tedious 


Journey, and a season of sickness in several places where I had 
been, and after I had been ill myself. God has renewed his 
kindness to me, in preserving me one journey more. I have 
taken many considerable journeys since this time last year, and 
yet God has never suffered one of my bones to be broken, or 
any distressing calamity to befal me, excepting the ill turn I 
had in my last journey. I have been often exposed to cold 
and hunger in the wilderness, where the comforts of Hfe were 
not to be had ; have frequently been lost in the woods ; and 
sometimes obliged to ride much of the night ; and once lay out 
in the woods all night ; yet, blessed be God, he has preserved 

In his diary for the next eleven days^ are great complaints of 
distance from God, spiritual pride, corruption, and exceeding 
vileness. He once says, his heart was so oppressed with a 
sense of his pollution, that he could scarcely have the face and 
impudence (as it then appeared to him) to desire that God 
should not damn him forever. And at another time, he says, 
he had so little sense of God, or apprehension and relish of his 
glory and excellency, that it made him more disposed to kind- 
ness and tenderness towards those who are blind and ignorant 
of God and things divine and heavenly. 

hordes day^ Oct. 16. " In the evening, God was pleased to 

Sive me a feeling sense of my own unworthiness ; but through 
ivine goodness such as tended to draw me to, rather than 
drive me from, God. It filled me with solemnity.. I retired 
alone, (having at this time a friend with me) and poured out 
my soul to God with much freedom ; and yet in anguish, to 
find myself so unspeakably sinful and unworthy before a holy 
God. Was now much resigned under God's dispensations 
towards me, though my trials had been very great. But 
thought whether I could be resigned, if God should let the 
f rench Indians come upon me and deprive me of life, or carry 
JTne away captive, (though I knew of no special reason then to 
J>ropose this trial to myself, more than any other ;) and my soul 
deemed so far to rest and acquiesce in God, that the sting and 
"terror of these things, seemed in a great measure gone. Pre- 
^tently after I came to the Indians, whom I was teaching to 
asing that evening, I received the following letter from Stock- 
bridge, by a messenger sent on the Sabbath on purpose, which 
:^3iade it appear of greater importance. 

' Sir — Just now we received advices from Col. Stoddard, 
^hat there is the utmost danger of a rupture with France. He 
lias received the same from his Excellency our Governor, or- 
dering him to give notice to all the exposed places, that they 
may secure themselves the best they can against any sudden 


invasion. We thought best to send directly to Kaunaumeekf 
that you may take the most prudent measures for your safety, 
I am, Sir, &c/' 

^' I thought, upon reading the contents, it came in a good sea- 
son ; for my heart seemed fixed on God, and therefore I was 
not much surprised. This news only made me more serious, 
and taught me that 1 must not please myself with any of the 
comforts of life which I had been preparing. Blessed be God, 
who gave me any intenseness and fervency this eveninff ! 

OcU 17. " Had some rising hopes, that ' God would arise 
and have mercy on Zion speedily.' My heart is indeed re- 
freshed, when I have any prevailing hopes of Zion's prosperity. 
Oh that I may see the glorious day, when Zion shall becomct 
the joy of the whole earth ! Truly there is nothing that I 
greatly value in this lower world." 

On Tuesday^ he rode to Stockbridge ; complains of being 
much diverted, and having but little life. On Wednesday^ he 
expresses some solemn sense of divine things, and a longii^ to 
be always doing for God with a friendly frame of spirit 

Oct. 20. " Had but little sense of divine things this day. 
Alas, that so much of my precious time is spent with so little 
of God! Those are tedious days wherein I have no spiri- 

Oct. 21. Returned home to Kaunaumeek : was glad to get 
alone in my little cottage, and to cry to that God who seeth in 
secret, and is present in a wilderness. 

Oct. 22. "Had but little sensible communion with God. 
This world is a dark, cloudy mansion. O when will the Sun 
of Righteousness shine on my soul without intermission ! 

Lord'*s day^ Oct. 23. " In the morning, I had a little dawn 
of comfort arising from hopes of seeing glorious days in the 
Church of God ; and was enabled to pray for such a glorious 
day, with some courage and strength of hope. In the fore- 
noon, treated on the glories of heaven : In tne afternoon, on 
the miseries of hell, and the danger of going there. Had some 
freedom and warmth, both parts of the day ; and my people 
were very attentive. In the evening, two or three came to me 
imder concern for their souls ;to whom I was enabled to dis- 
course closely, and with some earnestness and desire. Oh that 
God would be merciful to their poor souls /'* 

He seems through the whole of this week^ to have been greatly 
engaged to fill up every inch of time in the service of Goo, 
and to have been most diligently employed in study, prayer, 
and instructing the Indians ; and from time to time, expresses 


longings of soul after God, and the advancement of his king- 
dom, and spiritual comfort and refreshment. 

Lord^s day^ Oct. 30. " In the morning, I enjoyed some fix- 
edness of soul in prayer, which was indeed sweet and desira- 
ble; and was enabled to leave myself with God, and to ac(}ui- 
esce in him. At noon, my soul was refreshed with readmg 
Rev. iii. more especially the 11th and 12th verses. O my soul 
longed for that blessed day, when I should ^ dwell in the tem- 
ple of God,^ and ^ go no more out^ of his immediate presence ! 

Oct. 31. ^' Rode to Kinderhook, about fifteen miles fi'om my 
residence. While riding, I felt some divine sweetness in the 
thoughts of being " a pillar in the temple of God'' in the upper 
World, and being no more deprived of his blessed presence, and 
the sense of hisfavour, which is better than life. My soul was 
so lifted up to God, that I could pour out my desires to him, for 
more grace and ftirther degrees of sanctification, with abun« 
dant fi'eedom. O I longed to be more abundantly prepared for 
that blessedness, with which I was then in some measure re- 
freshed ! Returned home in the evening; but took an extremely 
bad cold by riding in the night. 

Nov. 1. " Was very much disordered in body, and some- 
times full of pain in my face and teeth ; was not able to study 
much, and had not much spiritual comfort. Alas ! when God 
is withdrawn, all is gone. Had some sweet thoughts, which I 
could not but write down, on the design^ nature, and end of 

Nov. 2. " Was still more indisposed in body, and in much, 
pain, most of the day. I had not much comfort ; was scarcely 
able to study at all ; and still entirely alone in the wilderness. 
But blessed be the Lord, I am not exposed in the open air ; I 
have a house, and many of the comforts of life, to support me. 
I have learned, in a measure, that all good things, relating both 
to time and eternity, come from God. In the evening, I had 
some degree of quickening in prayer : I think God gave me 
some sense of his presence. 

Nov. 3. " Spent this day in secret fasting and prayer, from 
mornii^ till night. Early in the morning, I had some small de- 
cree oi assistance in prayer. Afterwards, read the story of 
£lijah the prophet, 1 Kings, xvii. xviii. and xix. chapters, and 
also 3 Kings, ii. and iv. chapters. Mv soul was much moved, 
observing me faith, zeal, and power of that holy man ; how he 
wrestled with God in prayer, &c. My soul then cried with 
Elisha, « Where is the Lord God of Elijah !" O I longed for 
more faith ! My soul breathed after God, and pleaded with 
him, that a *^ double portion of that spirit," which was given to 
Elijah, might " rest on me." And that which was divinely re- 
freahiog and strengthening to my soul, was. I saw that God is 


the same that he was in the days of Elijah. — Was enabled to 
wrestle with God by prayer, in a more affectionate, fervent, 
humble, intense, and importunate manner, than I have for many 
months past. Nothing seemed too hard for God to perform ; 
nothing too great for me to hope for from him. 1 had for many 
months entirely lost all hopes of being made instrumental of 
doing any special service for God in the world ; it has appear- 
ed entirely impossible, that one so vile should be thus employ- 
ed for God. But at this time God was pleased to revive this 
hope. Afterwards read from the iii. chapter of Exodus to the 
XX. and saw more of the glory and majesty of God discovered 
in those chapters, than ever 1 had seen before ; frequently in 
the mean time falling on my knees, and crying to God for the 
faith of Moses, and for a manifestation of the divine glory. -^ 
Especially the iii. and iv. and part of the xiv. and xv. chapters 
were unspeakably sweet to my soul : my soul blessed God, that 
he had shown himself so gracious to his servants of old. The 
XV. chapter seemed to be the very language which my soul ut- 
tered to God in the season of my first spiritual comfort, when I 
had just got through the Red Sea^ by away that Ihad no ex- 
pectation of. O how my soul then rejoiced in God ! And now 
those things came fresh and lively to my mind ; now my soul 
blessed God afresh that he had opened that unthought oi way 
to deliver me from the fear of the Egyptians, when I almost 
despaired of life. — Aflerwards read the story of Abraham^s pil- 
grimage in the land of Canaan. My soul was melted, in ob- 
serving his faiths how he leaned on God ; how he comwuneA 
with God ; and what a stranger he was here in the world. 
After that, read the story of Joseph's sufferings, and God's 
goodness to him : blessed God for these examples of faith and 
patience. My soul was ardent in prayer, was enabled to wres- 
tle ardently for myself, for Christian friends, and for the church 
of God. And felt more desire to see the power of God in the 
conversion of souls, than I have done for a long season. 
Blessed be God for this season of fasting and prayer ! — May 
his goodness always abide with me, and draw my soul to 
him ! 

Nov. 4. " Rode to Kinderhook : went quite to Hudson's 
river, about twenty miles from my house ; performed some bu- 
siness ; and returned home in the evening to my own house. I 
had rather ride hard, and fatigue myself to get home, than to 
spend the evening and night amongst those who have no regard 
for God." 

The two next days, he was very ill, and full of pain, jmto- 
bably through his riding in the night, after a fatiguing day's 

tourney on Thursday ; but yet seems to have been diligent in 


Nov. 7. This morning the Lord afforded me some special 
assistance in prayer ; my mind was solemn, fixed, affectionate, 
and ardent in desires after holiness ; felt full of tenderness and 
love \ and my affections seemed to be dissolved into kindness. 
In the evening, I enjoyed the same comfortable assistance in 
prayer, as in the morning : my soul longed after God, and 
cried to him with a filial freedom, reverence and bold- 
ness. Oh that I might be entirely consecrated and devoted to 
God !'' 

The two next days^ he complains of bodily illness and pain : 
but much more of spiritual barrenness and unprofitableness. 

Nov. 10. '.' Spent this day in fasting and prayer alone. In 
the morning, was very dull and lifeless, melancholy and dis- 
couraged. But after some time, while reading 2 Kings, xix. 
my. soul was moved and affected ; especially reading verse 14, 
and onward. I saw there was no other way for the afflicted 
children of God to take, but to go to God with all their sorrows. 
Hezekiah^ in his great distress, went and spread his complaint 
before the Lord. I was then enabled to see the mighty power 
of God, and my extreme need of that power ; and to cry to 
him affectionately and ardently for his power and grace to be 
exercised towards me. — ^Afterwards, read the story of David's 
trials, and observed the course he took under them, how he 
strengthened his hands in God; whereby my soul was carried 
out alter God, enabled to cry to him, and rely upon him, and 
felt strong in the Lord. Was afterwards refreshed, observing 
the blessed temper that was wrought in David by his trials : all 
bitterness, and desire of revenge, seemed wholly taken away ; 
so that he mourned for the death of his enemies ; 2 Sam. i. 
17. and iv. 9. ad. Jin. — Was enabled to bless God, that he had 
given me something of this divine temper, that my soul freely 
forgioes^ and heartily lo^es my enemies.'^'' 

It appears by his diary for the remaining part of this week^ 
and for the two following weeks, that great part of the time he 
was very ill, and full of pain ; and yet obliged through his cii*-' 
cumstances, in this ill state of body, to be at great fatigues in 
labour, and travelling day and night, and to expose himself in 
stormy and severe seasons. He, from time to time, within this 
space, speaks of thirstings of soul after God ; of his heart be- 
ing strengthened in God; of seasons of divine sweetness and 
comfort ; of his heart being affected with gratitude for mercies, 
&c Yet there are many complaints of lifelessness, weakness 
of srace, distance from God, and great unprofitableness. But 
stUTthere appears a constant care from day to day, not to lose 
time, but to improve it all for God. 

Vor. X. In 

114 M£m01R6 Oy B&A1N£&1>. 

Lord's day^ Nov. 37. " In the evening, I was greatly alfect* 
cd in reading an account of the very joyfiil death of a pious 
gentleman ; which seemed to invigorate my soul in God^s ways. 
I felt courageously engaged to pursue a life of holiness and self- 
denial as long as I live ; and poured out my soul to Crod for his 
help and assistance in order thereto. Eternity then -seemed 
nesur, and my soul rejoiced and longed to meet it. I trust that 
will be a blessed day which finishes my toil here. 

Nov. 28. " In the evening, I was obliged to spend time- in 
company and conversation which were unprofitable. No- 
thing lies heavier upon me than the misimprovement of time. 

Nov. 29. Began to studv the Indian tongue, with Mr. Ser- 
geant, at Stockbridge.* Was perplexed for want of more re- 
tirement. I love to live alone in my own little cottage, where 
I can spend much time in prayer, &c. 

Nov. 30. ^^ Pursued my study of Indian : but was very weak 
and dis(»'dered in body, and was troubled in mind at the bar- 
renness of the day, that I had done so little for God. I had some 
enlargement in prayer at night. O a bam, or stable, hedge, or 
any other place, is truly desirable, if God is there ! Sometimes^ 
of late, my hopes of Zion's prosperity, are more raised, than 
they were in the summer. My soul seems to confide in God, 
that he will yet ^^ shew forth his salvation^^ to his pe<q>Ie, and 
make Zion ^' the joy of the whole earth. O how excellent is 
the loving-kindness of the Lord. My soul sometimes inwartiy 
exults at the lively thoughts of what God has already done for 
his church, and what ^^ mine eyes have seen of the salvation of 
God.^^ It is sweet, to hear nothing but spiritual discourse firom 
God^s children ; and sinners " enquiring the way to Zion," say- 
ing, " What shall we do ?" &c. Oh that I may see more of 
this blessed work ! 

Dec. I. "Both morning ajad evening, I enjoyed some in- 
tenseness of soul in prayer, and longed for the enlargement of 
Christ's kinffdom in the world. My soul seems of late, to went 
on God for his blessing on Zion. Oh that religion might pow- 
erfully revive ! 

Dec. 2. " Enjoyed not so much health of body, or fervour of 
mind, as yesterday. If the chariot-wheels move with ease and 
speed at any time, for a short space, yet, by and by, they drive 
heavily again. " Oh that I had the wings ot a dove, that I might 
fly away" from sin and corruption, and be at rest with God! 
Dec. 3. " Rode home to my house and people. Sufl^fed 

^ The commissioners who employed him, had directed him to spend mxuSx 
time this winter with Mr. Serg^eant, to learn the language of the Indians \ wtuoh 
necessitated him very often to ride, backwards and forwards, twenty ailMy 
throngh the uninhabited woods between Stockbridge andKaunaumeek ; whieb 
many times exposed him to extreme hardship, in the severe seasons of the 

XLMuIK^ uV BKAIMsIHl). 11 


much with extreme cold. — I trust, I shall ere long, arrive safe at 
my joumey^s end, where my toils shall cease. 

Lord's day^ Dec. 4. '^ Had but little sense of divine and hea- 
venly things. My soul mourns over my barrenness. O how sad 
is spiritual deadness ! 

D^. 5. Rode to Stockbridge. Was almost outdone with 
the eztr^ne cold. Had some refreshing meditations by the 
way ; but was barren, wandering, and lifeless, much of the day. 
Thus my days roll away, with but little done for God ; and this 
is my burden. 

Dec. 6. " Was perplexed to see the vanity and levity of pro- 
fessed Christians. Spent the evening with a Clu-istian friend, 
who was able, in some measure, to sympathize with me in my 
spiritual conflicts. Was a little refreshed to find one with whom 
I coijdd converse of inward trials^ cj-c. 

Dec. 7. ^^ Spent the evening in perplexity, with a kind of 
guilty indolence. When I have no heart or resolution for God, 
and the duties incumbent on me, I feel guilty of negligence and 
misimprovement of time. Certainly I ought to be engaged in 
ixkj w<Mrk and business, to the utmost extent of my strength and 

Dec. 8. " My mind was much distracted with different ai- 
fectiom ; I seemed to be at an amazing distance from God ; and 
lodung found in the world, to see if there was not some, hap- 
piness to be derived from it. God, and certain objects in the 
wotld, seemed eadi to invite my heart and affections ; and my 
8ool iseemed to be distracted between them. I have not been 
so mudh beset with the world for a lon^ time ; and that with re- 
latk>n to some particular objects, to which I thought myself most 
dead. But even while I was desiring to please myself with any 
thing below, guilt, sorrow, and perplexity, attended the first mo- 
tions of desire. Indeed, I cannot see the appearance of plea- 
mre and happiness in the world, as I used to do : and blessed 
be Crod for any habitual deadness to the world. — I found no 
peace, or deliverance, from this distraction and perplexity of 
miiid, till I found access to the throne of ^race ; and, as soon 
as I had any sense of God, and things divine, the allurements 
of Uie world vanished, and my heart was determined for God. 
£bt my soul mourned over my folly, that I should desire any 
j^ieasure, but only in God. God forgive my spiritucd idolairy /" 

The next thirteen days^ he appears to have been continually 
Ui 4leep concern about the improvement of precious time ; and 
t^ere are many expressions of grief, that he improved time no 
^tter ; such as " O what misery do I feel, when my thoughts 
^^ve after vanity ! I should be happy if always engaged for 
fdod ! O wretched man that I am !" &c Speaks of hi» being 
trained with a sense of his barrenness, perplexed with his wan- 


derings, longing for deliverance from sin, mourning that time 
passed away, and so little was done for God, &c. — On TueBdau^ 
December ^, he speaks of his being visited at Kaunaomeek, 
by some under-spintual concern. 

Dec. 22. '' Spent this day al<me in fasting and prayer, and 
reading in God^s word the exercises and deliverances of his chil* 
dren. Had, I trust, some exercise of faith, and realizing appre- 
hension of divine power, grace, and holiness ; and, also, of the 
unchangeableness of God, that he is the same as when he de* 
livered his saints of old out of sreat tribulation. My soul was 
sundry times in prayer enlarged for God^s church and pe<q[^ 
Oh that Zion might become the "joy of the whole earth !'' It 
is better to wait upon God with patience, than to put confi- 
dence in any thing in this lower world. " My soul, wait thou 
on the Lord ;'' for " from him comes thy salvation." 

Dec. 23. " Felt a little more courage and resolution in re- 
ligion, than 'At some other times. 

Dec. 24. " Had some assistance and longing desires after 
sanctifieation, in prayer this day ; especially in the evening : 
was sensible of my own weakness and spiritual impotency ; 
saw plainly, that I should fall into sin, if God of his. abundant 
mercy did not " uphold my soul, and withhold me from evil." 
Oh that God would uphold me by his free Spirit^ and saoe me 
from the hour of temptation.^'^ 

Lord's day^ JJec. 25. " Prayed much in the morning, with 
a feeling sense of my own spiritual weakness and insumciem^ 
for any duty. God gave me some assistance in preaching to 
the Indians ; and especially in the afternoon, when I was ena- 
bled to speak with uncommon plainness, freedom, and eamestp 
ness. Blessed be God for any assistance granted to one so un- 
worthy. Afterwards felt some thankfulness ; but still sensible 
of barrenness. — Spent some time in the evening with one or 
two persons under spiritual concern, and exhorting others to 
their duty, &c. 

Dec. 26, " Rode down to Stockbridge. Was very much 
fatigued with my journey, wherein I underwent great hard- 
ships : was much exposed and very wet by falling into ariver. 
Spent the day and evening without much sense of divine and 
heavenly things ; but felt guilty, grieved, and perplexed with 
wandering, careless thoughts. 

Dec. 27. " Had a small degree of warmth in secret prayer, 
in the evening ; but, alas ! had but little spiritual life, and con- 
sequently but little comfort. Oh, the pressure of a body of 
death ! 

This day he wrote to his brother John, at Yale College, the 
following letter. 


Kaunaumeek^ Dec. 27, 1743. 
Dear Brother, 

I long to see you, and to know how you fare in your journey 
through a world of inexpressible sorrow : where we are com- 
passed about with ^^ vanity, confusion, and vexation of spirit.^^ 
I am more weary of life, I think, than ever I was. The whole 
world appears to me like a huge vacuum^ a vast empty space, 
whence nothing desirable, or at least satisfactory, can possibly 
be derived ; and I long daily to die more and more to it ; even 
though I obtain not that comfort from spiritual things which I 
earnestly desire. Worldly pleasures, such as flow from great- 
ness, riches, honours, and sensual gratifications, are infinitely 
worse than none. May the Lord deliver us more and more 
from these vanities. I have spent most of the fall and winter 
hitherto in a very weak state of body ; and sometimes under 
pressiDff inward trials and spiritual conflicts ; but ^^ having ob- 
tained help from God, I continue to this day;^^ and am now 
somewhat better in health, than I was sometime ago. I find 
nothing more conducive to a life of Christianity^ man a dili- 
gent, industrious, and faithful improvement of precious time. 
Let us then faithfiilly perform that business, which is allotted to 
us by divine Providence, to the utmost of our bodily strength, 
and mental vigour. Why should we sink, and grow discou- 
raffed, with any particular trials and perplexities, which we are 
called to encounter in the world ? Death and Eternity are just 
before us; a few tossing billows more will waft us into the 
world of spirits, and we hope, through infinite grace, into end- 
less pleasures, and uninterrupted rest and peace. Let us then 
"run, with patience, the race set before us;'' Heb. xii. 1,2. 
And, Oh, that we could depend more upon^ the living God^ 

and less upon our own wisdom and strength ! Dear brother, 

may the God of all grace comfort your heart, and succeed 
your stc^ies, mid make you an instrument of good to his people 
in your day. This is the constant prayer of 

" Your affectionate brother, 

"David Brainerd." 

Dec. 28. " Rode about six miles to the ordination of Mr. 
Hopkins. At the solemnity I was somewhat affected with a 
sense of the greatness and importance of the work of a minis- 
ter of Christ. Afterwards was grieved to see the vanity of the 
multitude. In the evening, spent a little time with some Chris- 
tian friends, with some degree of satisfaction ; but most of the 
time, I had rather have been alone. 

Dec. 29. " Spent the day mainly in conversing with friends ; 
yet enjoyed little satisfaction, because I could find but few dis- 
posed to converse of divine and heavenly things. Alas, what 
are the ttuogs of this world, to afford satisfaction to the soul !— 


Near night, returned to Stockbridge ; in secret, I blessed God 
for retirement, and that I am not always exposed to the compa- 
ny and conversation of the world. O that I could live ^^ in the 
secret of God^s presence !^^ 

Dec 30. *^ Was in a solemn, devout frame in the evening. 
Wonder^ that earth, with all its charms, should ever allure 
me in the least degree. Oh, that I could always realize the 
being and holiness ^ God ! 

Dec. 31^ ^^ Rode from Stockbridge home to my house : the 
air was clear and calm, but as cold as ever 1 felt it, or nearly. 
I was in great danger of perishing by the extremity of the sea- 
son. — Was enabled to meditate much on the road* 

Lord's day ^ Jan. 1, 1744. ^^ In the morning, had some small 
degree of assistance in prayer. Saw myself so vile and an* 
worthy, that I could not look my people in the face, when I 
came to preach. O my meanness, folly, ignorance, and inward 
pollution ! — In the evening, had a little assistance in prayer, ao 
th€it the duty was delightful, rather than burdensome. Reflect- 
ed on the goodness of God to me in the past year, &C Of a 
truth God has been kind and gracious to me, though he hcLs 
caused me to pass through many sorrows ; he has provided fbr 
me bountifully, so that I have been enablol, in about fifteen 
months past, to bestow to charitable uses about an hundred 
pounds New England money, that I can now rem^mber.^ 
olessed be the Lord, that has so far used me as his steward^ to 
distribute a portion of his goods^ May I alwinrs remember, 
that all I have comes from God. Blessed be the Lord, that has 
carried me through all the toils, fatigues, and hardships of the 
year past, as well as the spiritual sorrows and conflicts that 
have attended it O that I could begin this year with Ood^ 
and spend the whole of it to his glory ^ either in life or death !. 

Jan. 2. " Had some affecting sense of my own impotency 
and spiritual weakness. — It is nothing but the power of God 
that keeps me from all manner of wickedness. I see / am 
nothings and can do nothing without help from above. Oh, for 
divine grace ! In the evening had some ardour of soul in prayer, 
and longing desires to have God for my guide and safeguard 
at all times." 

The following letter to his brother Israel, at Haddam, was 
written this day. 

* Which was, I suppose, to the value of about one hundred and eigktjf^ve 
pounds in our bills of the old tenor, as they now pass. — By this, as well as many 
other thing^s it is manifest, that his frequent melancholy did not arise from the 
consideration of any disadvantage he was laid under to 2;et a living: in the world, 
by his expulsion from the collegfc. 

2C£lfOIRS or BRAINERD. 119 

Kaunaumeek^ Jan. 3, 1743—4. 


" There is but one thing that deserves our highest care and 
most ardent desires ; and that is, that we may answer the great 
end for which we were made, vk. to glorify that God, who has 
given us our being and all our comforts, and do all the good 
we possibly can to our fellow-men^ while we live in the world. 
Verily life is not worth the having, if it be not improved for 
this noble end and purpose. Yet, alas, how little is this thought 
of among mankind ! Most men seem to live to themselves 
without much regard to the glory of God, or the good of their 
fellow-creatures. They earnestly desire, and eagerly pursue 
after the riches, the honours, and the pleasures of life, as if they 
really supposed, that wealth or greatness^, or merriment, could 
msd^e theur immortal souls happy. But alas ! what false and 
delusive dreams are these ! And how miserable will those ere 
long be who are not ctwaked out of them, to see that all their 
happiness consists in living to Go^, and becoming ^^ holy, as he 
is holy r* Oh, may you never fall into" the tempers and vanities, 
the Si^isuality and folly of the present world ! You are by di- 
vme Providence, left as it were alone in a wide world, to act 
for yourself: be sure then to remember, that it is a world of 
tea^taiion. You have no earthly parents to be the means of 
forming your youth to piety and virtue, by their pious examples, 
and seasonable counsels ; let this then excite you with greater 
diligence and fervency to look up to the Father of mercies for 
grace and assistance against all the vanities of the world. If 
you would glorify God, or answer his just expectations from 
you, and make your own soul happy in this and the coming 
world, observe these few directions ; though not from a father, 
yet from a brother who is touched with a tender concern for 
your present and future happiness. 

** First ; Resolve upon, and daily endeavour to practise a life 
of seriousness and strict sobriety. The wise man will tell you 
the great advantage of such a life, Eccl. vii. 3. Think of the 
life of Christ ; and when you c^n find that he was pleased with 
jesting and vain merriment, then you may indulge in it 

'* Again ; be careful to make a good improvement of pre- 
cious time. When you cease from labour, fill up your time in 
reading, meditation, and prayer ; and while your hands are 
labouring, let your heart be employed, as much as possible, in 
divine thoughts. 

" Further : Take heed that you faithfully perform the busi- 
ness which you have to do in the world, from a regard to the 
commands of God ; and not from an ambitious desire of being^ 
esteemed better than others. We should always look upon 
ourselves as God's servants, placed in God's world, to do his 


work; and accordingly labour faithfully for him; not with 
design to grow rich and great, but to glorify God, and to do 
the good we possibly can. 

^^ Again: never expect any satisfaction or happiness from 

world. If you hope for happiness in the world hope for it froi li 

God, and not from the world. Do not think you shdl be morr^^ 
happy if you live to such or such a state of life, if you live to l^»« 
yourself, to be settled in the world, or if you shall gain an estaC« 
in it : but look upon it that you shall then be happy ^ when yov 
can be constantly employed for God, and not for yourself; am/ 
desire to live in this world, only to do and mffer what God al- 
lots to you. When you can be of the spirit and temper d* 
angels, who are willing to come down into this lower world, 
to perform what God commands them, though their desires are 
heavenly y and not in the least set on eartluy things, then yoa 
will be of that temper which you ought to have, C^. lii. 2. 

^' Once more ; never think that you can live to God by yoitr 
own power or strength ; but always look to, and rely on mm ht 
assistance, yea for all strength and grace. There is no greater 
truth than this, that ^ we can do nothing of ourselves ;^ (John xv. 
5. and 3 Cor. iii. 5.) yet nothing but our own experience can.ef- 
fectually teach it us. Indeed, we are a long time m learning, that 
aU our strength and salvation is in God. This is a life much I 
think no unconverted man can possibly live ; and yet it is a liiEb. 
which ewery godly soul is pressing after, in some good measure^ 
Let it then be your great concern, thus to devote yourself and 
your all to God. 

" I long to see you, that I may say much more to you than I 
now can, for your benefit and welfare ; but I desire to commit 
you to, and leave you with, the Father of mercies^ and God of 
all grace; praying that you may be directed safely through an 
evil worlds to God's heavenly kingdom. 

" I am your affectionate loving brother, 

" David Brainerd.^' 

Jan. 3, " Was employed mtfch of the day in writing ; and 
spent some time in other necessary employment. But my time 
passes away so swiftly, that I am astonished when I reflect on 
it, and see now little I do. My state of solitude does not make 
the hours hang heavy upon my hands. O what reason of thank-^ 
fulness have I on account of this retirement ! I find, that I do 
not, and it seems I cannot lead a Christian life, when I am 
abroad, and cannot spend time in devotion. Christian con- 
versation, and serious meditation, as I should do. Those weeks 
that I am obliged now to be from home, in order to learn the 
Indian tongue, are mostly spent in perplexity and barrenness, 
without much sweet relish of divine things ; and I feel myself 
a stranger at the throne of grace, for want of more frequent and 


continued retirement. When I return home, and give myself 
to meditation, prayer, and fasting, a new scene opens to my 
mind, and my soul longs for mortification, self-denial, humility, 
and divorcement from all the things of the world. This 
evening, my heart was somewhat warm and fervent in prayer 
and meditation, so that I was loath to indulge sleep. Conti- 
nued in those duties till about midnight. 

Jan. 4, " Was in a resigned and mortified temper of mind, 
much of the day. Time appeared a moment^ life a vapour^ and 
all enjoyments as empty bubbles^ and fleeting blasts of wind. 

Jan. 5. « Had a humbling and oppressive sense of my un- 
worthiness. My sense of the badness of my own heart filled my 
soul with bitterness and anguish ; which was ready to sink, as un- 
der the weight of a heavy burden. Thus I spent the evening, 
till late. Was somewhat intense and ardent in prayer. 

Jan. 6. " Feeling my extreme weakness, and want of grace, 
the pollution of my soul, and danger of temptations on every 
side, I set apart this day for fasting and prayer, neither eating nor 
drinking from evening to evening, beseeching God to nave 
mercy on me. My soul intensely longed that the dreadful spots 
and stains of sin might be washed away from it. Saw some- 
thing of the power and all-suflSciency of God, My soul seemed 
to rest on his power and grace ; longed for resignation to his 
vnll, and mortification to all things here below. My mind was 
^eatly fixed on divine things : my resolutions for a life of mor- 
tification, continual watchmlness, self-denial, seriousness and 
devotion, were strong and fixed; my desires ardent and intense; 
mj conscience tender, and afraid of every appearance of evil. 
my soul grieved with reflection on past levity, and want of re- 
solution for God. I solemnly renewed my dedication of my- 
self to God, and longed for grace to enable me always to keep 
covenant with him. Time appeared very short, eternity near ; 
and a great name, either in or after life, together with all 
earthly pleasures and profits, but an empty bubble, a deluding 

Jan. 7. " Spent this" day in seriousness, with steadfast resolu- 
tions for God, and a life of mortification. Studied closely till I 
felt my bodily strength fail. Felt some degree of resignation to 
Grod, with an acquiescence in his dispensations. Was grieved 
that I could do so little for God before my bodily strength failed. 
In the evening, though tired, was enabled to continue mstant in 
praver for some time. Spent the time in reading, meditation, 
ana prayer, till the evening was far spent : was grieved to think 
that I could not watch unto prayer the whole night. But blessed 
be God, heaven is a place of continual and incessant devotion, 
though the earth is dull.'" 

Vol. X. IB 


The six days following^ he continued in the same happy 
frame of mind ; enjoyed tnc same composure, cabnness, resig- 
nation, ardent desire, and sweet fervency of spirit, in a him 
degree, every day, not one excepted. Thursday^ this week, he 
kept as a day of secret fasting and prayer. 

Jan, M. ^^ This morning, enjoyed a most solemn season in 
prayer : my soul seemed enlarged, and assisted to pour out 
Itself to God for grace, and for everv blessing I wanted for my- 
self, my dear christians friends, and tor the church of God ; and 
was so enabled to see Him who is invisible^ that my soul rett- 
ed upon him for the performance of every thing 1 asked agreea- 
ble to his will. It was then my happiness to ^ continue instant 
in prayer,' and I was enabled to continue in it for near an hour. 
My soul was then ' strong in the Lord, and in the power of his 
might' Longed exceedmgly for an angelic holiness and pu- 
rity, and to have all my thoughts, at all times, employed in 
divine and heavenly things. O how unspeakably blessed it is, 
to feel a measure of that rectitude, in which we were at first 
created! Felt the same divine assistance in prayer sundry 
times in the day. My soul confided in God for myself, and 
for his Zion ; trusted in divine power and grace, that he 
would do glorious things in his church on earth, for bis own 

The next day he speaks of some glimpses which he had of 
the divine glories, and of his being enabled to maintain his re- 
solutions in some measure ; but complains, that he could not 
draw near to God. He seems to be filled with trembling fears 
lest he should return to a life of vanity, to please himself with 
some of the enjoyments of this lower world ; and speaks of his 
being much troubled, and feeling guilty, that he should address 
immortal souls with no more ardency and desire of their sal- 
vation. On Monday^ he rode down to Stockbridge, when he 
was distressed with extreme cold; but notwithstanding, his 
mind was in a devout and solemn frame in his journey. The 
four next days, he was very ill, probably from the cold in his 
journey ; yet he spent the time in a solemn manner. On FVi-^ 
day evening, he visited Mr. Hopkins ; and on Saturday, rode 
eighteen miles to Salisbury, where he kept the Sabbath, and 
enjoyed considerable degrees of God's gracious presence, as- 
sistance in duty, and divine comfort and refreshment, longing 
to give himself wholly to God, to be his forever. 

Jan. as. " I think 1 never felt more resigned to God, nor 
so dead to the world, in every respect, as now ; was dead to all 
desire of reputation and greatness, either in life, or after 


death ; all I longed for, was to be holy, humble, crucified to 
the world, &c. 

Jan. 24, " Near noon, rode over to Canaan. In the even- 
ing, I was unexpectedly visited by a considerable number of 
people, with whom I was enabled to converse profitably on 
divine things; took pains to describe the difference between a 
regtdar and irregular self-love ; the one consisting with a 
supreme love to God^ but the other not ; the former uniting 
God's glory, and the soul's happiness, that they become one 
common interest, but the latter disjoining and separating God^s 
gloiy and man's happiness, seeking the latter with a neglect of 
the former. Illustrated this by that genuine love that is found- 
ed between the sexes ; which is diverse from that which is 
wrought up towards a person only by rational argument, or 
hope of self-interest. Love is a pleasing passion, it chords 
pleasure to the mind where it is ; but yet, genuine love is not, 
nor can be placed on any object tvith that design of pleasure 

Qo Wednesday he rode to Sheffield ; the next day^ to Stock- 
bridge ; and on Saturday^ home to Kaunaumeek, though the 
season was cold and stormy : which journey was followed with 
illness and pain. It appears by this diary, that he spent the 
time while riding, in profitable meditations, and in lifting up 
his heart to God ; and he speaks of assistance, comfort and re- 
freshment ; but still complains of barrenness, &c. His diary 
ftwp tfie five next days is full of the most heavy, bitter com- 

f>laint8 ; and he expresses himself as full of shame and self- 
oathing fiM* his lifeiess temper of mind and sluggishness of 
spirit, and as being in perplexity and extremity, and appearing 
to himself unspediably vile and guilty before God, on ac- 
count of some inward workings of corruption he found in his 
heart, &c. 

Feb. 2. " Spent this day in fasting and prayer ; seeking the 
presence and assistance of God, that he would enable me to 
overcome all my corruptions, and spiritual enemies. 

Feb. 3, " Enjoyed more freedom and comfort than of late'; 
was engaged in meditation upon the different whispers of the 
various powers and affections of a pious mind, exercised with a 
great variety of dispensations ; and could not but write, as well 
as meditate, on so entertaining a subject. I hope the Lord gave 
me some true sense of divine things this day : but alas, how 
great and pressing are the remains of indwelling corruption ! I 
iun now more sensible than ever, that God alone is ^ the author 
and finisher of our faith,' i. e. that the whole and every part of 
sanctification, and every good word, work, or thought, found in 


me, is the efl'ect of his power and grace ; that, 'without him, I 
can do nothing,' in the strictest sense, and that, ' he works in 
us to will and to do of his own good pleasure,' and fW>m no 
other motive, O how amazing it is, that people can talk so 
much about men's power and goodness ; when, if God did not 
hold us back every moment, wc should be devils incarnate ! 
This my bitter experience, for several days last past, has abun- 
dantly taught me concerning myself." 

The writing, here referred to, was the following. It was found 
among his detached papers, and entitled by him '' A Schema 
of a Dialogue, between the various powers and cfff^ections of the 
mind^ as they are found alternately whispering in the &odly 

"The Understanding introduced, (1) As discovering its own 
excellency, and capacity of enjoying the most sublime pleasure 
and happiness. (3) As observing its desire equal to its capacity, 
and incapable of being satisfied with any thing which will not fill 
it to the utmost extent of its exercise. (3) As finding itself a de- 
pendent thing, not self-sufficient ; and, consequently, unable to 
spin happiness, (as the spider spins its web) out of its own bowels. 
This self-sufficiency observed to be the property and prerogative 
of God alone, and not belonging to any created being, (i) As 
in vain seeking sublime pleasure, satisfaction, and happmess 
adequate to its nature, amongst created beings. The search 
and knowledge of the truth in the natural world, allowed indeed 
to be refreshing to the mind ; but atill failing to afford complete 
happiness. (5.). As discovering the excellency and glory of God, 
that he is the fountain of goodness, and well-spring of happiness, 
and every way fit to answer the enlarged desires and cravings of 
our immortal souls. 

2. The Will introduced, as necessarily, yet freely, choosing 
this God for its supreme happiness and only portion ; fully com- 
plying with the understanding's dictates ; acquiescing in God as 
the best good ; in his will as the best rule for intelligent creatures ; 
rejoicing that God is in every respect just what he is ; and, withal, 
choosing and delighting to be a dependent creature, always sub- 
ject to this God, not aspiring after self-sufficiency and suprema- 
cy, but acquiescing in the contrary. 

3. Ardent Love introduced, as passionately longing to please 
and glorify the divine Being, to be in every respect conformed 
to him, and in that way to enjoy him. This love or desire re- 
presented as most genuine ; not induced by mean and merce- 
nary views ; not primarily springing from selfish hopes of salva- 
tion, whereby the divine glories would be sacrificed to the idol 
self; not arising from a slavish fear of divine anger in case of 
neglect, nor yet from hopes of feeling the sweetness of that 


tender and pleasant passion of love in one's own breast, but 
from a just esteem of the beauteous object beloved. This love 
further represented, as attended with vehement longings after 
the enjoyment of its object, but unable to find by what means. 

4. "The Understanding ^g'din introduced, as informing, (1.) 
How God might have been enjoyed, yea, how he must necessa- 
rily have been enjoyed, had not man sinned against him ; that, 
as there was knowledge^ likeness and love^ so there must needs 
be enjoyment, while there is no impediment (2.) How he may 
be enjoyed in some measure now, viz. by the same knowledge^ 
begetting likeness and Zovc, which will be answered with returns 
of Itwe, and the smiles of God's countenance, which are better 
than life. (3.) How God may be perfectly enjoyed, viz. by the 
soul's perfect freedom from sin. This perfect freedom never 
obtained till death ; and then not by any unaccountable means, 
or in any unheard of manner ; but the same by which it has 
obtained some likeness to, and fruition of God in this world, 
viz. a clear manifestation of him. 

5. " Holy Desire appears, and inquires why the soul may 
not be perfectly holy, and so perfect in the enjoyment of God 
here ; and expresses most insatiable thirstings after such a tem- 
per, and such fruition, and most consummate blessedness. 

6. " Understanding again appears, and informs, that God 
designs that those whom he sanctifies in part here, iand intends 
for immortal glory, shall tarry awhile in this present evil world, 
that their own experience of temptations, &c. may teach them 
bow great the deliverance is, which God has wrought for them, 
that they may be swallowed up in thankfulness and admiration 
to eternity ; as also, that they may be instrumental of doing 
good to their fellow-men. Now, if they were perfectly holy, 
&c., a world of sin would not be a fit habitation for them : 
and fiu1;her, such manifestations of God as are necessary com- 
pletely to sanctify the «oul, would be insupportable to the body, 
so that we cannot see God and live. 

7. " Holy Impatience^ is next introduced, complaining of the 
sins and sorrows of life, and almost repining at the distance of 
a state of perfection ; uneasy to see and feel the hours hang so 
dull and heavy, and almost concluding that the temptations, 
hardships, disappointments, imperfections, and tedious employ- 
ments of life, will never come to a happy period. 

8. " Tender Conscience comes in, and meekly reproves the 
complaints of Impatience ; urging how careful and watchful 
we ought to be, lest we should offend the divine Being with 
complaints ; alleging also the fitness of our waiting patiently 
upon God for all we want, and that in a way of doing and suf- 

♦That is, more properly, impatience in a holy soul^ vcad in reference to B,holj/ 
end : bat impatience itself is not holy, except we take the term in a less proper 
•ense, as onr author eviclently doe?. 


fering ; and at the same time mentioning the barrenness of the 
soul, how much precious time is misimproved, and how little it 
has enjoyed of God, compared with what it might have done ; 
as also suggesting how frequently impatient complaints spring 
from nothmg better than self-love, want of resignation, and a 
greater reverence of the divine Being. 

9. ^^ Judgment or Sound Mind next appears, and duly weighs 
the complaints of Impatience and the gentle admonitions of 
tender Conscience^ and impartially determines between them. 
On the one hand, it concludes, that we may always be impatient 
with sin ; and supposes that we may be also with such sorrow, 
pain and discouragement, as hinder our pursuit of holiness, 
though they arise from the weakness of nature. It allows us 
to be impatient of the distance at which we stand from a state 
of perfection and blessedness. It further indulges impatience 
at the delay of time ; when we desire the period of it for no 
other end, than that we may with angels be employed in the 
most lively spiritual acts of devotion, and in giving all possible 
glory to Him that lives forever. With temptations and sinful 
imperfections, it thinks we may justly be uneasy ; and with dis- 
appointments also, at least those which relate to our hopes of 
communion with God, and growing conformity to him. As to 
the tedious employments and hardships of life, it supposes some 
longing for the end of them not inconsistent with a spirit of 
faithfulness, and a cheerful disposition to perform the one and 
endure the other. It supposes that a faithful servant, who frilly 
designs to do all he possibly can, may still justly long for the 
evening ; and that no rational man would blame his kind and 
tender spouse, if he perceived her longing to be with him while 
yet faithfulness and duty to him might still induce her to yield 
for the present, to remain at a painful distance from him. On 
the other hand, it approves of the caution, care and watchful- 
ness of Tender Conscience^ lest the divine Being should be of- 
fended with impatient complaints ; it acknowledges the fitness 
of our waiting upon God^ in a way of patient doing and suffer- 
ing ; but supposes this very consistent with ardent desires to 
depart^ and to be with Christ. It owns it fit that we should 
always remember our own barrenness, and thinks also that we 
should be impatient of it, and consequently long for a state of 
freedom from it ; and this, not so much that we may feel the 
happiness of it, but, that God may have the glory. It grants 
that impatient complaints often spring from self-love, and want 
of resignation and humility. Such as these it disapproves : 
and determines we should be impatient only of absence from 
God, and distance from that state and temper wherein we may 
most glorify him. 

10. " Godly Sorrow introduced, as making her sad moan, not 
so much that she is kept from the free possession and fiill en- 


joyment of happiness, but that God must be dishonoured ; the 
soul being still in a world of sin, and itself imperfect. She 
here, with grief, counts over past faults, present temptations, 
and fears from the future. 

11. " Ho-pe or Holy Confidence appears, and seems persuaded 
that ' nothmg shall ever separate the soul from the love of God 
in Christ Jesus.' It expects divine assistance and grace suffi- 
cient for all the doing and suffering work of time, and that 
death will ere long put a happy period to all sin and sorrow ; 
and so takes occasion to rejoice. 

12. " Godly Fear^ or Holy Jealousy here steps in, and sug- 
gests some timorous apprehensions of the danger of deception : 
mentions the deceitfulness of the heart, the great influence of 
irregular self-love in a fallen creature ; inquires whether itself 
is not likely to have fallen in with delusion, since the mind is so 
dark, and so little of God appears to the soul ; and queries 
whetfier all its hopes of persevering grace may not be presump- 
tion, and whether its confident expectations of meeting death 
as a friend, may not issue in disappointment 

13. " Hereupon Reflection appears, and reminds the person . 
of his past experiences ; as to the prepatory work of conviction 
and humiliation ; the view he then had of the impossibility of 
salvation, from himself or any created arm ; the manifestation 
he has likewise had of the glory of God in Jesus Christ ; how 
he then admired that glory, and chose that God for his only 
portion, because of the excellency and amiableness he dis- 
covered in him ; not from slavish fear of being damned, if he 
did not, nor from base and mercenary hopes of saving himself; 
but from a just esteem of that beauteous and glorious object ; 
as also how he had from time to time rejoiced and acquiesced 
in God for what he is in himself; being delighted, that he is 
infinite in holiness, justice, power, and sovereignty, as well as 
in mercy, goodness, and love ; how he has likewise, scores of 
times, felt his soul mourn for sin, for this very reason, because 
it is contrary and grievous to God ; yea, how he has mourned 
over one vain and impertinent thought, when he has been so 
far from fear of the divine vindictive wrath for it, that on the 
contrary he has enjoyed the highest assurance of the divine 
everlasting love : how he has, from time to time, delighted in 
the commands of God, for their own purity and perfection, and 
longed exceedingly to be conformed to them, and even to be 
• holy, as God is holy ;' and counted it present heaven, to be 
of a heavenly temper ; how he has frequently rejoiced, to think 
of being forever subject to, and dependent on God ; account- 
ing it infinitely greater happiness to glorify God in a state of 
subjection to, and dependence on him, than to be a §od him- 
self: and how heaven itself would be no heaven to him, if he 
could not there be every thing that God would have him be. 


14. '^ Upon this, Spiritual Sensation being awakened, comes 
in and declares, that she now feels and ^ tastes that the Lord is 
gracious ;^ that he is the only supreme good, the only soul satis- 
fying happiness ; that he is a complete, self-sufficient, and al- 
mighty portion. She whispers, ' Whom have I in heaven but 
this God,' this dear and blessed portion ? ' and there is none 
upon earth I desire beside him.' O it is heaven to please him, 
and to be just what he would have me be I, O that my soul were 
' holy, as God is holy !' Oh that it were ' pure, as Christ is pore;' 
and ^ perfect, as my Father in heaven is perfect I' Th^e are 
the sweetest commands in God's book, comprising all others ; 
and shall I break them ? must I break them? am I under a fatal 
necessity of it, as long as I live in this world ? O my soul ! wo, 
wo is me, that I am a sinner ! because I now necessarily grieve 
and offend this blessed God, who is infinite in goodness and 
grace. O methinks, should he punish me for my sins, it 
would not wound my heart so deep as to offend him ; but, 
though I sin continually, he continually repeats his kindness 
towards me ! O methinks, I could bear any suffering ; but how 
can I bear to grieve and dishonour this blessed God 1 How 
shall I give ten thousand times more honour to him? What 
shall 1 do, to glorify and worship this best of beings ? O that 
I could consecrate myself, soul and body, to his service for ever ! 
O that I could give up myself to him, so as never more to at- 
tempt to be my own, or to have any will or affections that are 
not perfectly conformed to his ! But O alas, alas ! I cannot, I 
feel I cannot, be thus entirely devoted to God ! I cannot live 
and sin not. O ye angels, do ye glorify him incessantly ; if 
possible, exert yourselves still more, in more lively and ardent 
devotion ; if possible, prostrate yourselves still lower before the 
throne of the blessed king of heaven. I long to bear a part 
with you, and if it were possible to help you. Yet when we 
have done, we shall not be able to offer the ten thousandth part 
of the homage he is worthy of. While Spiritual Sensation whis- 
pered these things. Fear and Jealousy were greatly overcome ; 
and the soul replied, ' Now I know and am assured,' &c. and 
again, it welcomed death as a friend, saying, ' O death where 
is thy sting !' &c. 

15. " Finally, Holy Resolution concludes the discourse, fixedly 
determining to /oZZoi^ hard after God,, and continually to pursue 
a life of conformity to him ; and the better to pursue this, enjoin- 
ing it on the soul always to remember, that God is the only 
source of happiness ; that his will is the only rule of rectitude 
to an intelligent creature ; that earth has nothing in it desirable 
for itself, or any further than God is seen in it ; and that the 
knowledge of God in Christ, begetting and maintaining love, 
and mortifying sensual and fleshy appetites, is the way to be 


holy on earth, and so to be attempered to the complete holi- 
ness of the-beavenly world/^ 

jFTe6. 4. '* Enjoyed some degree of freedom and spiritual re- 
freshment ; was enabled to pray with some fervency, and long- 
ing desires of Zion^s prosperity, and my faith and hope seemed 
to take hold of Gody for the performance of what I was enabled 
to plead for. Sanctification in myself, and the ingathering of 
God^s elect, were all my desire -, and the hope of their accom- 
plishment all my joy/' 

Lord'*8 dayy Feb, 5. " Was enabled in some measure to rest 
and confide m God, and to prize his presence and some glimpses 
of the hght of his countenance, above my necessary food. — 
Thought myself, after the season of weakness, temptation, and 
desertion I endured last week, to be somewhat like Sampson, 
when his locks began to grow again. Was enabled to preach 
to my people with more life and warmth, than I have for 
some weeks past. 

Feb. 6. "This morning, my soul again was strengthened in 
God, and found some sweet repose in him in prayer ; longing 
especially fcH* the complete mortification of sensuality and pride, 
and for resignation to God's dispensations, at all times, as 
through grace, I felt it at this time. I did not desire deliverance 
from any difficulty that attends my circuuislances, unless God 
was willing. O how comfortable is this temper ! Spent most 
of the day in reading God's word, in writing, and prayer. En- 
joyed repeated and fi'equent comfort and intenseness of soul in 
prayer through the day. In the evening, spent some hours in 
private conversation with my people ; and afterwards felt some 
warmth in secret prayer. 

Feb. 7. " Was much engaged in some sweet meditations 
on the powers and affections of the godly soul in the pursuit of 
their beloved object ; wrote something of the native language 
of spiritual sensation, in its soft and tender whispers ; declar- 
ing, that it now ' feels and tastes, that the Lord is gracious ; 
that he is the supreme good, the only soul satisfying happi- 
ness : that he is a complete, sufficient, and almighty portion : 

^ Whom have I in Heaven btU thee ? and there is none upon 

earth that I desire beside this blessed portion. O, I feel that it 

is heaven to please him, and to be just what he would have 

me to be ! O that my soul were holy^ as he is holy ! O that 

it were jMire, eve:ii, as Christ is pure ; and perfect as my Father 

in heaven is perfect ! These I feel are the sweetest commands 

in God^s book, comprising all others. And shall I break them ! 

must I break them ! am 1 under the necessity of it as long as 1 

live in the world! O my soul, wo, wo is me, that I am a sinner, 

because I now necessarilv grieve and offend this blessed God, 

Vol. X. * 17 

130 Ml!;M01Ra OF BEAI&'fiBD. 

who is iniinite in goodness and grace ! O methinks it' he would 
punish me for my sins, it would not wound my heart so deep to 
offend him : but though I sin continually, yet he continually 
repeats his kindness to me ! O methinks I could bear any su^ 
ferinss ; but how can I bear to grieve and dishonour this blessed 
God T How shall I yield ten mousand times more honour to 
him ? What shall I do to glorify and worship this best of 
beings ? O that I could consecrate myself, soul and body, to 
his service forever I O that I could give up myself to him, so 
as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any will or 
affections that are not perfectly conformed to him I Butt alas, 
alas ! I fiqd I cannot be thus entirely devoted to Go^ ; I can- 
not live, and not sin. O ye angels, do ye glorify him inces- 
santly; and if possible, prostrate yourselves lower before the 
blessed King of heaven ! I long to bear a part with you ; and, 
if it were possible, to help you. O when we have done all that 
we can, to all eternity, we shall not be able to offer the ten 
thousandth part of die homage which the glorious Grod de- 
serves !' 

^^ Felt something spiritual, devout, resisned, and mortified to 
the world, much of the day ; and especidly towards and in the 
evening. Blessed be God, that he enables me to love him for 

Feb. 8. " Was in a comfortable frame of soul, most of the 
day ; though sensible of, and restless under spiritual barren* 
ness. I find that both mind and body are quickly tired with 
intenseness and fervour in the things of God. O that I could 
be as incessant as angels in devotion and spiritual fervour. 

Feb. 9. " Observed this day as a day of fasting and prayer, 
intreating of God to bestow upon me his blessing and grace ; 
especially to enable me to live a life of mortification to the 
world, as well as of resignation and patience. Enjoyed some 
realizing sense of divine power and goodness in prayer, several 
times ; and was enabled to roll the burden of myself, and 
friends, and Zion, upon the goodness and grace of God ; but, 
in the general, was more dry and barren than I have usually 
been of late, upon such occasions. 

Feb. 10. " Was exceedingly oppressed, most of the day, 
with shame, grief, and fear, under a sense of my past folly, as 
well as present barrenness and coldness. When God sets be- 
fore me my past misconduct, especially any instances of miS' 
guided zecdj it sinks my soul into shame and confusion, makes 
me afraid of a shaking leaf. My fear is such as the prophet 
Jeremy complains of, Jer. xx. 10. I have no confidence to 
hold up my face, even before my fellow worms ; but only when 
my soul confides in God, and I find the sweet temper of Christ, 
the spirit of humility, solemnity and mortification, and resigna- 
tion, alive in my soul. But, in the evening, was unexpectedly 


refreshed in pouring out my complaint to God; my shame and 
fear was turned into a sweet composure and acquiescence in 

Feb. 11. '^ Felt much as yesterday ; enjoyed but little sen- 
sible commtmion with God. 

Lories dayy Feb. 12. '^ My soul seemed to confide in God, 
and to repose itself on him ; and had intense longings after 
God in prayer. Enjoyed some sweet divine assistance, in the 
forenoM, in preactung ; but in the afternoon, was more per- 
ptexed with shame, &c. Afterwards, found some relief in 
prayer ; loved, as a feeble, afflicted, despised creatwe, to Cttst 
myself on a God of infinite grace and goodness, hoping for no 
hi^iness but firom him. 

jFeb. 13. ** Was calm and sedate in morning devotions ; and 
mjr soul seemed to rely on God. Rode to Stockbridge, and 
emoyed some comfortable meditations by the way; had a more 
refreshing taste and relish of heavenly blessedness, than I have 
enjoyed loit many months past. I have many times, of late, 
feh as ardent desires of holiness as ever ; but not so much 
sense of the sweetness and unspeakable pleasure of the enjoy- 
ments and employments of heaven. My soul longed to leave 
earth, and bear a part with angels in their celestial employ- 
ments. My soul said, 'Lord it is good to be here ;^ and it 
appeared to be better to die, than to lose the relish of these 
heavenly delights.^^ 

A sense of divine things seemed to continue with him, in a 
lesser d^ree, through the next day. On Wednesday <, he was, 
by some discourse which he heard, cast into a melancholy 
gloom, that operated much in the same manner as his melan- 
chcdy had formerly done, when he came first to Kaunaumeek ; 
th^ effects of which seemed to continue in some degree the six 
foUawing days. 

Feb. ^SL **' In the morning, had as clear a sense of the ex- 
ceeding pollution of my nature, as ever I remember to have 
had in my life. I then appeared to myself inexpressibly loath- 
some and defiled. Sins of childhood, of early youth, and such 
t^lfies as I had not thought of for years together, as I remem- 
%Mr, came now fresh to my view, as if committed but yester- 
^layv 8Ad appeared in the most odious colours ; they appeared 
^inore in number than the hairs of my head ; yea, they ^ went 
ciffer my head as a heavy burden.^ In the evening, the hand of 
fStHh seemed to be strengthened in God ; my soul seemed to 
>r«Bt and ttcquiesce in him ; was suppcnted under my burdens, 
^fe^eading the cxxvtb psdm ; and found that it was sweet and 
^somfinrtable to lean on God 


Feb. !23. •' Was frequent in prayer, and enjoyed some as- 
sistance. — There is a God in heaven who overrules all things 
for the best ; and this is the comfort of my soul : ^^ I had faintM 
unless I had believed to see the goodness of God in the land 
of the living," notwithstanding present sorrows.— In the eiFen- 
ing enjoyed some freedom in prayer, for myself, friends, and the 
t church of God. 

Feb,2i. ^^ Was exceedingly restless and perplexed under a 
sense of misimprovement of time ; moumea to see time pass 
away ; felt in the greatest hurry ; seemed to have every thing 
to do : yet could do nothing, but only grieve and groan under 
my ignorance, unprofitableness, meanness, the foolishness of 
my actions and thoughts, the pride and bitterness of some past 
frames, all which at this time appeared to me in lively colonrs, 
and filled me with shame. I could not compose my mind to 
any profitable studies, by reason of this pressure. And the 
reason, I judge, why I am not allowed to study a great part of 
my time, is, because I am endeavouring to lay in such a stock 
of knowledge as shall be a self'SiMciency, — I know it to be 
my indispensable duty to study, and quali^ myself in the heali 
manner 1 can for public service: but this is my misery, I 
naturally study and prepare, that I may ^^ consume it upon iny 
lusts" of pride and self-confidence." 

He continued in much tlie same frame of uneasiness at the 
misimprovement of time, and pressure of spirit under a sense 
of vileness, unprofitableness, olc. for the six following days ; 
excepting some intervals of calmness and composure, in resig- 
nation to, and confidence in God. 

March 2. " Was most of the day employed in writing on a 
divine subject. Was frequent in prayer, and enjoyed some 
small degree of assistance. But m the evening, God was 
pleased to grant me divine sweetness in prayer ; especially in 
the duty of intercession. I think, I never felt so much kind- 
ness and love to those who, I have reason to think, are my ene- 
mies — though at that time I found such a disposition to think 
the best of all, that 1 scarce knew how to think that any such 
thing as enmity and hatred lodged in my soul ; it seemed as if 
all the world must needs be friends — and never prayed with 
more freedom and delight, for myself, or dearest friend, than I 
did now for my enemies. 

March 3. " In the morning, spent (I believe) an hour in 
prayer, with great intenseness and freedom, and with the most 
soft and tender affection towards mankind. I longed that 
those who, I have reason to think, owe me ill will, might be 
eternally happy. It seemed refreshing to think of meeting 
them in heaven, how much soever they had injured me oft 


earth: had no disposition to insist upon any confession from 
them, in order to reconciliation, and the exercise of love and 
kindness to them. O it is an emblem of heaven itself, to love 
all the world with a love of kindness, forgiveness, and benevo- 
lence ; to feel our souls sedate, mild and meek ; to be void of 
all evil surmisings and suspicions, and scarce able to think evil 
of any man upon any occasion; to find our hearts simple, 
open, and free, to those that look upon us with a different 
eye I — ^Prayer was so sweet an exercise to me, that I knew 
not how to cease, lest I should loose the spirit of prayer. Felt 
no disposition to eat or drink, for the sake of the pleasure of 
it, bat only to support my nature, and fit me for divme service. 
Ccmld not be content without a very particular mention of a 
great number of dear friends at the throne of grace ; as also 
the particular circumstances of many, so far as they were 

' Lord'^8 day, March 4. " Tn the morning, enjoyed the same 
intenseness in prayer as yesterday morning, though not in so 
great a degree : felt the same spirit of love, universal benevo- 
lence, forgiveness, humility, resignation, mortfication to the 
world, and composure of mind, as then. My soul rested in 
Oi>d ; and I found I wanted no other refuge or friend. While 
my soul thus trusts in God, all things seem to be at peace with 
me, even the stones of the earth : but when 1 cannot appre- 
hend and confide in God, all things appear with a different 

Through the four next days, he complains of barrenness, 
want of holy confidence in God, stupidity, wanderings of mind, 
<&c., and speaks of oppression of mind, under a sense of ex- 
ceeding meanness, past follies, as well as present workings of 
corruption. On Friday, he seems to have been restored to a 
considerable degree of the same excellent frame, which he en- 
joyed the Saturday before. 

March 10. " In the morning, felt exceeding clead to the 

world, and all its enjoyments. I thought I was ready and willing 

to give op life and all its comforts, as soon as called to it ; and 

yet then had as much comfort of life as almost ever I had. Life 

itself now appeared but an empty bubble ; the riches, honours, 

and common enjoyments of life appeared extremely tasteless. 

I longed to be perpetually and entirely crucified to all things 

here below, by the cross of Christ. My soul was sweetly resigned 

to God's disposal of me, m every regard ; and I saw that nothing 

had happened but what was best for me. I confided in God, that 

he would never leave me, though I should " walk through the 

valley of the shadow of death." It was then my meat and drink 

<o6e haly^ to live to the Lord, and die to the Lord. And I thought 


that I then enjoyed such a heaven, as far exceeded the most sub* 
lime conceptions of an unregenerate soul ; and even unspeakably 
beyond what I myself could conceive of at another time. I did 
not wonder that Peter said, " Lord, it is good to be here,'' when 
thus refreshed with divine glories. My soul was full of love 
and tenderness in the duty of intercession ; especially felt a most 
sweet affection to some precious godly ministers, of my acquain- 
tance. Prayed earnestly for dear Christians, and for those 1 hove 
reason to fear are my enemies ; and could not have qpokeii a 
word of bitterness, or entertained a bitter thought, against the 
vilest man living. Had a sense of my own great unwOTthiness. 
My soul seemed to breathe forth love and praise to God afifeah, 
when I thought he would let his children love and receive me 
as one of their brethren and fellow-citizens. When I diought 
of their treating me in that manner, I longed to lie at their 
feet ; and could think of no way to express the sinceritr and 
simplicity of my love and esteem of them, as beins much bet- 
ter than myselfl Towards night, was very sorrowful ; seened 
to myself the worst creature nving ; and could not pray, nor 
meditate, nor think of holding up my face before the world. — 
Was a little relieved in prayer, in the evening ; but longed to 
get on my knees, and ask forgiveness of every body that ever 
had seen any thing amiss in my past conduct, especialfy in my 
relisioiis zeal. Was afterwards much perplexed, so that 1 
could not sleep quietly. 

Lord^s day^ March 11. " My soul was, in some measure, 
strengthened in God^ in morning devotion : so that I was re- 
leased from trembling fear and distress. Preached to my peo- 
ple from the parable of the sower ^ Matth. xiii. and enjoyed some 
iassistance, both parts of the day ; had some freedom, affection, 
and fervency, in addressing my poor people ; longed that God 
should take hold of their hearts, and make them spiritually 
alive. And, indeed, I had so much to say to them, that I knew 
not how to leave off speaking. 

This was the last Sabbath in which he ever performed public 
service at Kaunaumeek, and these the last sermons which he 
ever preached there. It appears by his diary, that while he con- 
tinued with these Indians, he took great pains with them, and 
did it with much discretion ; but the particular manner how, 
has been omitted for brevity's sake. 

March 12. ^^In the morning, was in a devout, tender, and 
loving frame of mind ; and was enabled to cry to God, I hope, 
with a child-like spirit, with importunity, resignation, and com- 
posure of mind. My spirit was full of quietness, and love to 
mankind; and longed that peace should reign on the earlii; 
was grieved at the very thoughts of a /Jery, angry ^ and intent 


jierate zeal in religion ; mourned over past follies in that re- 
gard; and confided in God for strength and grace sufficient 
for my future work and trials. Spent the day mainly in hard 
labour, making preparation for my intended journey. 

March 13, " Felt my soul going forth after God sometimes ; 
but not with such'ardency as I desired. In the eveninff, was 
enabled to continue instant in prayer^ for some considerable 
time together ; and especially had respect to the journey I de- 
signed to enter upon, with the leave of divine providence, on 
the morrow. Enjoyed some freedom and fervency, intreating 
that the divine presence might attend me in every place where 
my business might lead me ; and had a particular reference to 
the trials and temptations to which I apprehend I might be 
more eminently exposed in particular places. Was strength- 
ened and comforted ; although I was before very weary. Truly 
the joy of the Lord is strength and life. 

mwrcn 14. ^^ Enjoyed some intenseness of soul in prayer, 
repeatinff my petitions for God^s presence in every place where 1 
expected to be in my journey. Besought the Lord that I might 
not be too much pleased and amused with dear friends and ac- 
quaintance, in one place and another. Near ten, set out on 
my journey ; and near night came to Stockbridge. 

March 15. " Rode down to Sheffield. Here I met a messen- 
ger from East Hampton on Long Island ; who, by the unanimous 
vote of that large town, was sent to invite me thither, in order 
to settle with that people, where I had been before frequently 
invited. Seemed more at a loss what was my duty, than be- 
fore; when I heard of the great difficulties of that place, I was 
much concerned and grieved, and felt some desire to comply 
with their request ; but knew not what to do : endeavoured to 
commit the case to God." 

The two next days^ he went no further than Salisbury, being 
much hindered by the rain. When he came there, he was 
much indisposed. He speaks of comfortable and profitable 
conversation with christian friends, on these days. 

Lord'^s daV'i March 18. " [At Salisbury.] Was exceeding 
weak and famt, so that I could scarce walk : but God was 
pleased to afford me much freedom, clearness, and fervency in 
preaching : I have not had the like assistance in preaching to 
sinners for many months past. Here another messenger met 
me, and informed me of the vote of another congregation, to 
give me an invitation to come among them upon probation, 
for settlement.* Was somewhat exercised in mind with a 

* This congregation was Uiat at Millington, near Haddam* They were rery 
eancstly desiroas of his coming among them. 


weight and burden of care. Oh that God would ^* send fi 
faithful labourers into his harvest !^^ 

After this he went forward on his journey towards New Yo 
and New Jersey: in which he proceeded slowly; perfi 
his journey under great degrees of bodily indisposition. Ho 
ever, he preached several times by the way, being urged _ ^ 
friends, in which he had considerable assistance. lie spealci! 
of comfort in conversation with christian friends, from time 
time, and of various things in the exercises and frames of hh^ 
heart, which show much of a divine influence on his mind i 
this journey : but yet complains of the things that he feared^ 
viz. a decline of his spiritual life, or vivacity in religion, by^ 
means of his constant removal from place to place, and want 
of retirement ; and complains bitterly of his unworthiness, dead- 
ness, &c. He came to New York on Wednesday^ March 28, 
and to Elizabethtown on the Saturday following, where it 
seems he waited till the commissioners came together. 

April. 5. ^^ Was again much exercised with weakness, and 
with pain in my head. Attended on the commissioners in their 
meetmg.t Resolved to go on still with the Indian affair, if di- 
vine providence permitted ; although I had before felt some in- 
clination to go to East Hampton, where I was solicited to 

By the invitations which Brainerd had lately received, it ap- 
pears, that it was not from necessity, or for want of opportunities 
to settle in the ministry amongst the English, notwithstanding 
the disgrace he had been laid under at college, that he was de- 
termined to forsake all the outward comforts to be enjoyed in the 
English settlements, to ^o and spend his life among the savages, 
and endure the difficulties and self-denials of an Indian mission. 
He had, just as he was leaving Kaunaumeek, had an earnest in- 
vitation to a settlement at East Hampton on Long Islan.d, the 
fairest, pleasantest town on the whole island, and one of its 
largest and most wealthy parishes. The people there were 
unanimous in their desires to have him for their pastor, and for 
a long time continued in an earnest pursuit of what they 
desired, and were hardly brought to relinquish their endeavours, 
and give up their hopes of obtaining him. Besides, the invi- 
tation which he had to Millington, was near his native town, 

t The Indians at Kaunaumeek being but few in number, and Brainerd 
haying now been labouring among them about a year, and having prevailed 
upon them to be willing to leave Kaunaumeek, and remove to Stockbridge, to 
live constantly under Mr. Sergeant's ministry ; he thought he might now do 
more service for Christ among the Indians elsewhere: and therefore went ibis 
journey to New Jersey to lay the matter before the commissioners ; who met at 
Elizabethtown, on the occasion, and determined that he should forthwith leave 
Kaunaumeek; and go to the Delaware In'.lia'i?. 


and in the midst of his friends. Nor did Craixerd choose the 
business of a missionary to the Indians, rather tlian accept of 
those invitations, because he was unacquainted with the diffi- 
culties and sufferings which attended such a service ; for he 
had had experience of these difficulties in summer and winter ; 
having spent about a twelve-month in a lonely desert among 
these savages, where he had gone through extreme hardships, 
and been the subject of a train of outward and inward sorrows. 
which were now fresh in his mind. Notwithstanding all these 
things, he chose still to go on with this business ; and that. 
although the place to which he was now going, was at a much 
greater distance from most of his friends, acquaintance, and 
native land. 

After this he continued two or three days in New Jersey, ver}- 
ill; and then returned to New York ; and from thence into New 
England ; and went to his native town of Haddam, where he ar- 
rived on Saturday, April 14. And he continues still his bitter 
complaints of want of retirement. While he was in New York, 
he says thus, ^^ O it is not the pleasures of the world which can 
comfort me ! If God deny his presence, what are the pleasures 
of the city to me ? One hour of sweet retirement where God is, 
is bett^ than the whole world.'^ And he continues to complain 
of his ignorance, meanness, and unworthiness. However, he 
speaks of some seasons of special assistance and divine sweet- 
ness. He spent some days among his friends at East Hamp- 
ton and Millington. 

April 17. '• Rode to Millington again ; and felt perplexed 
irhen I set out ; was feeble in body, and weak in faith. I was 
oing to preach a lecture ; and feared I should never have as- 
Lstance enough to get through. But, contriving to ride alone, 
t a distance from the company that was going, I spent the 
me in lifting up my heart to God. Had not gone far before 
ly soul was abundantly strengthened with those words, ^^ If 
rod be for us, who can be against us ?'^ I went on, confiding 
i Crod ; and fearing nothing so much as self-confidence. In 
ds frame I went to the house of God, and enjoyed some as- 
Btance. Afterwards, felt the spirit of love and meekness in 
[>nver8ation with some friends. Then rode home to my bro- 
ler^s : and, in the evening, singing hymns with friends, my 
3ul seemed to melt : and in prayer, ^erwards, enjoyed the 
xercise of faiths and was enamed to be fervent in spirit : found 
lore of God^s presence, than I have done any time in my late 
^^arisome journey. Eternity appeared very near ; my nature 
iraa very weak, and seemed reaay to be dissolved ; the sun de- 
fining, and the shadows of the evening drawing on apace. 

longed to fill up the remaining moments all for God! 
rhooffh my bodv was so feeble, and wearied with preaching, 


mid iniicli priviilc conversation, yet I wanted to sit up all night 
to do sometliing for God. To God, the giver of these refresh- 
ments, be glory for ever and ever. Amen. 

April 18. '• Was very weak, and enjoyed but little spiritual 
comfort. Was exercised with one who cavilled against original 
.sm. May the Lord open his eyes to see the fountain of sin in 
himself f'^ 

After this, he visited several ministers in Connecticut ; and 
then travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sergeant^s 
at Stockbridge, Thursday, April 26. He performed this Joulmey 
in a very weak state of body. The things he speaks o^ apper* 
taining to the frames and exercises of his mind, are at some 
times deadness and want of spiritual comfort ; at other times, 
resting in God, spiritual sweetness in conversation, enga^edness 
in meditation on the road, assistance in preaching, rejoicing to 
think that so much more of his work was done, and he so much 
nearer to the eternal world. And he once and again speaks 
of a sense of great ignorance and spiritual pollution. 

April 27 and 28. '^ Spent some time in visiting friends, and 
discoursing with. my people, (who were now moved down from 
their own place to Mr. Sergeant's,) and found them very glad- 
to see me returned. Was exercised in my mind with a sense 
of my own unworthiness. 

Lord's day^ April 29. Preached for Mr. Sergeant both parts 
of the day, from Rev. xiv. 4. These are they which were not 
defiled^ <^c. Enjoyed some freedom in preaching, though not 
much spirituality. In the evening, my heart was in some mea- 
sure lifted up in thankfulness to God for any assistance. 

April 30. " Rode to Kaunaumeek, but was extremely ill ; 
did not enjoy the comfort I hoped for in my own house. 

May 1. " Having received new orders to go to a number of 
Indians, on Delaware river, in Pennsylvania, and my people 
here being mostly removed to Mr. Sergeant's, I this day took all 
my clothes, books, &c. and disposed of them, and set out for 
Delaware river ; but made it my way to return to Mr. Ser- 
geant's, which 1 did this day, just at night. Rode several hours 
in the rain through the howling wilderness, although I was so 
disordered in bodv, that little or nothing but blood came from 


He continued at Stockbridge the next day^ and on Thursday 
rode a little way, to Sheffield^ under a great degree of illness ; 
but with encouragement and cheerfulness of mind under his fa- 
tigues. On Friday, he rode to Salisbury, and continued there 
till after the Sabbath. He speaks of his soul's being, some part 
of this time, refreshed in conversation with some Christian 


friends, about their heavenly home, and their journey thither. 
At other times, he speaks of himself as exceedingly perplexed 
^ith barrenness and deadness, and has this exclamation : " O 
^Uit time should pass with so little done for God !'' On Mon- 
^^w/, he rode to Sharon ; and speaks of himself as distressed at 
^e consideration of the misimprovement of time. 

JUay 8." " Set out from Sharon, in Connecticut, and travelled 

^^ut forty-five miles to a place called Fishkill;* and lodged 

^ere. Spent much of my time, while riding, in prayer, that God 

^otild go with me to Delaware. My heart, sometimes, was ready 

to sink with the thoughts of my work, and going alone in the 

wilderness, I knew not where ; but still it was comfortable, to 

^^Unk, that others of God's children had " wandered about in 

caves and dens of the earth ;" and Abraham, when he was 

called to go forth, " went out, not knowing whither he went." 

Oh that I might follow after God !" 

The next day^ he went forward on his journey ; crossed the 
Hudson, and went to Goshen in the Highlands; and so 
travelled across the woods, from the Hudson to the Delaware, 
about a hundred miles, through a desolate and hideous coun- 
try, above New Jersey ; where were very few settlements : in 
which journey he sufiered much fatigue and hardship. He visited 
some Indians in the way, and discoursed with them concern- 
ing Christianity: Was considerably melancholy and disconso- 
late, being alone in a strange wilderness. On Saturday^ he 
came to a settlement of Irish and Dutch people, about twelve 
miles above the Forks of Delaware. 

Lord^s day^ May 13. " Rose early ; felt very poorly after 
my lonff journey, and after being wet and fatigued. Was very 
melancnoly ; have scarcely ever seen such a gloomy morning 
in my life ; there appeared to be no Sabbath ; the children 
were all at play ; I a stranger in the wilderness, and knew not 
where to go ; and all circumstances seemed to conspire to 
render my afiairs dark and discouraging. Was disappointed 
respecting an interpreter^ and heard that the Indians were 
much scattered. O I mourned after the presence of God, and 
seemed like a creature banished from his sight ! yet he was 
pleased to support my sinkmg soul, amidst all my sorrows ; so 
that I never entertained any thought of quitting my business 
among the poor Indians ; but was comforted, to think, that 
death would ere long set me free from these distresses. Rode 
about three or four miles to the Irish people, where I found 
some that appeared sober and concerned about religion. My 

* A place in NewYork govermnent, near Ihc Hudson, on the east side of the 


heart then began to be a Uttle encouraged : went and preachedf 
first to the Irish, and then to the Indians : and in the evening, 
was a httle comforted ; my soul seemed to rest on Gody and 
take courage. Oh that the Lord would be my support and 
comforter in an evil world ! 

May 14. Was very busy in some necessary studies. Felt 
myself very loose from all the world ; all appeared ** vanity 
and vexation of spirit.^^ Seemed lonesome and disconsolate, 
as if I were banished from all mankind, and bereaved of all 
that is called pleasurable in the world ; but appeared to my- 
self so vile and unworthy, it seemed fitter for me to be here 
than any where. 

May 15. '-'- Still much engaged in my studies ; and enjoyed 
m<Mre health, than I have for some time past : but was some'' 
what dejected in spirit with a sense of my meanness ; seemed 
as if I could never do any thing at all to* any good purpose, by 
reason of ignorance and folly. Oh that a sense of these 
things might work more habitual humility iu my soul I^^ 

He continued much in the same frame the next day. 

May 17. ^^ Was this day greatly distressed with a sense of 
my vileness ; appeared to myself too bad to walk on God's 
earth, or to be treated with kindness by any of his creatures. 
God was pleased to let me see my inward pollution and cor- 
ruption, to such a desree, that I almost despaired of being 
more holy: ^^-O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver 
me from the body of this death ?" In the afternoon, met with 
the Indians, according to appointment, and preached to them. 
And while riding to them, my soul seemed to confide in God ; 
and afterwards nad some relief and enlargement of soul in 
prayer, and some assistance in the duty of intercession ; vital 
piety and holiness appeared sweet to me, and I longed for the 
perfection of it. 

May 18. "Felt again somewhat of the sweet spirit of reli- 
gion ; and my soul seemed to confide in God, that he would 
never leave me. But oftentimes saw myself so mean a crea* 
lure, that I knew not how to think of preaching. Oh that I 
could always live fo, and upon God ! 

May 19. " Was, some part of the time, greatly oppressed 
with the weight and burden of my work ; it seemed impossible 
for me ever to go through with the business I had undertaken. 
Towards night was very calm and comfortable ; and I think, 
my soul trusted in God for help. 

Lord's day^ May 20. " Preached twice to the poor Indians ; 
and enjoyed some freedom in speaking, while I attempted to 
remove their prejudices against Christianity. My soul longed 
for assistance from above, all the while ; for I saw 1 had no 


strength sufficient for that work. Aflerwards, preached to the 
Irish people ; was much assisted in the first prayer, and some- 
what in the sermon. Several persons seemed much concern* 
ed for their souls, with whom I discoursed afterwards with much 
fireedom and some power. Blessed be God for any assistance 
afforded to an unworthy worm. Oh that I could live to him P"^ 

Through the remainder of this week^ he was sometimes ready 
to sink with a sense of his unworthiness and unfitness for the 
i¥ork of the ministry ; and sometimes encouraged and lifted 
above his fears and sorrows, and was enabled confidently to 
rely on God ; and especially on Saturday, towards night, he en- 
joyed calmness and composure, and assistance in prayer to 
Grod. He rejoiced, ^^ that God remains unchangeably power«^ 
fill and faithful, a sure and sufiScient portion, and the dwelling 
place of bis children in all generations.^^ 

Lord^s day^ May 27. ^^ Visited my Indians, in the morning, 
and attended upon a funeral among them ; was^ affected to see 
their Heathenish practices. Oh that they might be ^^ turned 
from darkness to light !^^ Afterwards got a considerable num- 
ber of them together, and preached to them ; and observed 
thein very attentive. After this, preached to the white |>eople 
from Heb. ii. 3. How shall we escape if we neglect^ 4^. Was 
enabled to speak with some freedom and power : several peo- 

Ele seemed much concerned for their souls ; especially one who 
ad been educated a Roman Catholic. Blessed be the Lord 
for any help. 

May 28. " Set out from the Indians above the Forks of the 
Delaware, on a journey towards Newark in New Jersey, accord- 
ing to my orders. Rode through the wilderness ; was much 
fatigued with the heat ; lodged at a place called Black River : 
was exceedingly tired and worn out." 

On Tuesday he came to Newark. The next day went to 
Elizabethtown. On Thursday he w< nt to New York, and on 
Friday returned to Elizabethtown. These days were spent in 
some perplexity of mind. He continued at Elizabethtown 
till Friday in the week following. Was enlivened, refreshed, 
and strengthened on the Sabbath at the Lord's table. The 
ensuing days of the week were spent chiefly in studies prepa- 
ratory to his ordination ; and on some of them he seemed to 
have much of God's gracious presence, and of the sweet influ- 
ences of his Spirit ; but was in a very weak state of body. On 
Saturday he rode to Newark. 

hordes day^ June 10. " [At Newark] in the morning was 
much concerned how I should perform the work of the ^ day : 
and trembled at the thoughts of being left to myself. Enjoyed 

14^ MEMOIRS OF brainerd; 

very considerable assistance in all parts of the public service^ 
Had an opportunity again to attend on the ordinance of the 
Lord^s supper, and through divine goodness was refreshed m it: 
my soul was full of love and tenderness towards the children of 
God, and towards all men ; felt a certain sweetness of disposi- 
tion towards every creature. At night, I enjoyed more spiri- 
tuality and sweet desire of holiness, than I have felt for some 
time: was afraid of every thought and every motion, lest 
thereby my heart should be drawn away from God. Oh that I 
might never leave the blessed God ! ^^ Lord, in thy presence is 
fulmess of joy." O the blessedness of living to Goal 

June 11. " This day the Presbytery met together at Newark, 
in order to my ordination. Was very weak and disordered in 
body ; yet endeavoured to repose my confidence in God. Spent 
most of the day alone ; especially the forenoon. At three in 
the afternoon preached my probation sermon, froih Acts xzvi. 
17, 18. Delivering thee from the people^ and from the Gen^ 
tilesj 4*^. being a text given me for that end. Felt not well 
either in body or mind ; however, God carried me through 
comfortably. Afterwards, passed an examination before tke 
Presbytery. Was much tired, and my mind burdened with 
the greatness of that charge 1 was in the most solemn manner 
about to take upon me ; my mind was so pressed with the 
weight of the work incumbent upon me, that I eould not sleep 
this night, though very weary and in great need of rest 

June 12. ^^ Was this morning frirther examined, respecting 
my experimented acquaintance with Christianity.* At ten 
o'clock my ordination was attended ; the sermon preached by 
the Rev. Mr. Pemberton. At this time I was affected with a 
sense of the important trust committed to me ; yet was com- 
posed, and solemn, without distraction; and I hope that then, 
as many times before, I gave myself up to God, to be for Awn, 
and not for another. O that I might always be engaged in the 
service of God, and duly remember the solemn charge I have 
received, in the presence of God, angels, and men. Amen. 
May I be assisted of God for this purpose. — Towards night, 
rode to Elizabethtown.'' 

* Mr Pemberton in a letter to the honourable society in Scotland, published 
in the Christian Monthly History^ writes thus, '• We can with pleasure say, 
that Mr. Brainerd passed through his ordination trial, to the universal appro- 
bation of the Presbytery,, and appeared uncommonly qualified for the work of 
the ministry. He seems to be armed with a great deal of self-denial, and ani- 
mated with a noble zeal to propagate the °:ospel among those barbarous natioQd, 
who haye long dwelt in the darkness of Heathenism." 


From his Ordination^ to the commencement of his Labours at 


Jtme.13. [1744.] " Spent some considerable time in writing 
an account of the Indian affairs to go to Scotland ; some, in 
conversation with friends; but enjoyed not much sweetnefls 
aBd satisfaction. 

June 14 " Received some particular kindness from friends ; 
and wondered, that God should open the hearts of any to treat 
me with kindness : saw myself to be unworthy of any favour 
from God, or any of my fellow-men. Was much exercised 
with pain in my head ; however, I determined to set out on my 
journey towards the Delaware in the afternoon ; but when the 
.afternoon came, my pain increased exceedingly ; so that I was 
obliged to betake myself to bed. The night following, I was 
greatly distressed with pain and sickness ; was sometimes al- 
most bereaved of the exercise of reason by the extremity of 
pain. Continued much distressed till Saturday^ when I was 
somewhat relieved by an emetic : but was unable to walk 
abroad till the Monday following, in the afternoon ; and still 
remained very feeble. I often admired the goodness of God, 
that he did not suffer me to proceed on my journey from this 
place where I was so tenderly used, and to be sick by the way 
among strangers. God is very gracious to me, both in health 
and sickness, and intermingles much mercy with all my aiflic- 
ticMis and toils. Enjoyed some sweetness in. things divine, in 
the midst of my pain and \Teakness. Oh that I could praise 
the Lord. 

- On Tuesday^ June 19 — he set out on his journey home, and 
in three days reached his residence, near the Forks of Dela- 
ware. Performed the journey under much weakness of body ; 
but had comfort in his soul, from day to day : and both his 
weakness of body, and consolation of mind, continued through 
the week. 

Lard^s day^ Juiie 24. " Extremely feeble ; scarcely able to 
walk ; however, visited my Indians, and took much pains to in- 


struct them ; laboured with some that were much disaffected to^ 
Christianity. My mind was much burdened with the weight an<S 
difficulty of my work. My whole dependence and hope of suc- 
cess seemed to be on God : who alone I saw could make them 
willing to receive instruction. My heart was much engaged in 
prayer, sending up silent requests to God, even while I wai 
speaking to them. Oh that 1 could always go in the strength 
iH the Lord I 

June 25. ^^ Was somewhat better in health than of late ; and 
was able to spend a considerable part of the day in prayer and 
close study. Had more freedom and fervency m prayer than 
usual of late ; especially longed for the presence of God in my 
work, and that the poor Heathen might be converted. And in 
evening prayer, my faith and hope in God were much raised. 
To an eye of reason^ every thing that respects the conversion 
of the Heathen^ is as dark as midnight ; and yet I cannot but 
hope in God for the accomplishment of something glorious 
among them. My soul longed much for the advancement of 
the Redeemer's kmgdom on earth. Was very fearful lest I 
diould admit some vain thought, and so lose the sense I then 
had of divine things. Oh for an abiding heavenly temper! 

June 26. '^ In the mornmg, my desires seemed to rise, and 
ascend up freely to God. Was busy most of the day in trans- 
lating prayers into the language of the Delaware Indians ; met 
with great difficulty, because my interpreter was altogether un- 
acquainted with the business. But though I was much dis- 
couraged with the extreme difficulty of tJbat work, yet God 
supported me ; and especially in the evening, gave me sweet 
refreshment. In prayer, my soul was enlarged, and my faith 
drawn into sensible exercise ; was enabled to cry to God for 
my poor Indians ; and though the work of their converson ap- 
peared impossible with man^ yet, with God^ I saw aU things 
were possible. My faith was much strengthened, by observing 
the wonderful assistance God affi>rded his servants Nehemiah 
and Ezra, in reforming his people, and re-establishing his an- 
cient church. I was much assisted in prayer for my dear Chris- 
tian friends, and for others whom I apprehended to be Christ- 
less ; but was more especially concerned for the poor Heathen, 
and those of my own charge ; was enabled to be instant in 
prayer for them ; and hopeful that God would bow the hea- 
vens and come down for their salvation. It seemed to me, 
that there could be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that 
glorious work, seeing the living God, as I strongly hoped, was 
engaged for it. I continued in a solemn frame, lifting up my 
heart to God for assistance and grace, that I might oe more 
mortified to this present world, that my whole soul might be 
taken up continually in concern for the advancement of Christ's 
kingdom. Earnestly desired that God would purge me more. 


niore, that I might be as a chosen vessel to bear his naiue among 
the Heathens. Continued in this frame till I fell asleep. 

June 27. ^^ Felt something of the same solemn concern, and 
spirit of prayer, which I enjoyed last night, soon after I rose in 
t&e noKmimg. In the afternoon, rode several miles to see if I 
could procure any lands for the poor Indians, that they might 
live together, and be under better advantages for instruction. — 
While I was riding, had a deep sense of the greatness and diffi- 
cidhr 6f my work ; and my soul seemed to rely wholly upon 
God for success, in the diligent and faithful use of means. Saw, 
with the greatest certainty, that the arm of the Lord must be 
fweoled, for the help of these poor Heathen, if ever they were 
delivered from the bondage of the powers of darkness. Spent 
most of the time, while riding, in lifting up my hea^t for grace 
and assistance. ^ 

June^. ^^ Spent the morning in reading several parts of the 
h(dy scripture, and in fervent prayer for my Indians, that God 
^^ould set up his kingdom among them, and bring them into his 
^urch* About nine, I withdrew to my usual place of retire- 
5^i^t in the woods ; and there again enjoyed some assistance 
in |Nrayen My ffreat concern was for the conversion of the 
Seathen to God ; and the Lord helped me to plead with him 
for it Towards noon, rode up to the Indians, in order to 
preach to them ; and, while going, my heart went up to God 
in prayer for them ; could freely tell God, he knew that the 
cause m which I was engaged was not mine ; but that it was 
his own cause, and that it would be for his own glory to con- 
vert the poor Indians : and blessed be God, I felt no desire of 
their conversion, that I might receive honour from the world, as 
beii^ the instrument of it. Had some freedom in speaking to 
the Jjidians.^^ 

The next day, he speaks of some serious concern for the king- 
dom of the blessed Redeemer ; but complains much of bar- 
renness, wanderings, inactivity, &lc, 

June 30. '^ My soul was very solemn in reading God^s word ; 
especially the ninth chapter of Daniel. I saw how God had 
Called out his servants to prayer, and made them wrestle with 
him, when he design^ to bestow any great mercy on his church. 
And) alas I I was ashamed of myself, to think of my dulness 
%nd inactivi^,when there seemed to be so much to do for the up- 
Hnfldnig of Zion. O how does Zion lie waste ! I longed, that the 
church of God might be enlarged : was enabled to pray, I think, in 
^&tth ; my soul seemed sensibly to confide in God, and was enabled 
"•lo wrestle with him. Afterwards, walked abroad to a place f 

Vol. X. IP 

. • 


sweet retirement, enjoyed some assistance in prayer, had a 
sense of my great need of divine help, and felt my soul sensi- 
bly depend on God. Blessed be God, this has been a com- 
fortable week to me. 

liord^s day^ July 1. ^^ In the morning, was perplexed with 
wandering vain thoughts ; was much grieved, iudged and con- 
demned myself before God. O how miserable did I feel, be- 
cause I could not live to God ! At ten, rode away with a heavy 
heart, to preach to my Indians. Upon the road I attempted to 
lift up my heart to God ; but was infested with an unsettled 
wandering frame of mind ; and was exceeding restless and 
perplexed, and filled with shame and confusion before God. I 
seemed to myself to be ^^ more brutish than any man ;^^ and 
thought, none deserved to be " cast out of God^s presence^^ 
so much as 1. If I attempted to lift up my heart to God, as I 
frequently did by the way, on a sudden, before I was aware, 
my thoughts were wandering ^' to the ends of the earth ;^^ and 
mv soul was filled with surprise and anxiety, to find it thus. 
Thus also, after I came to the Indians, my mind wad-con- 
fused; and I felt nothing sensibly of that sweet veliance 
on God, with which my soul has been comforted in days 
past. Spent the forenoon in this posture of mind, and 
preached to the Indians \^ ithout any heart. In the afternoon I 
felt still barren, when I began to preach ; andfor about half an 
hour, I seemed to myself to know nothing, and to have nothm^ 
to say to the Indians ; but soon after, I found in myself a spirit 
of love, and warmth, and power, to address the poor Indians ; 
and God helped me to plead with them, to ^^ turn from all the 
vanities of the Heathen, to the living God.^^ I am persuaded that 
the Lord touched their consciences ; for I never saw such atten- 
tion raised in theiu. When I came away from them, I spent the 
whole time while I was riding to my lodgings, three miles distant, 
in prayer and prtise to God. After I had rode more than two 
miles, it came into my mind to dedicate myself to God again ; 
which I did with great solemnity, and unspeakable satisfaction ; 
especially gave up myself to him renewedly in the work of the 
ministry. This I did by divine grace, I hope, without any excep- 
tion or reserve ; not in the least shrinking back from any diffi- 
culties that might attend this great and blessed work. I seemed 
to be most free, cheerful, and full in this dedication of myselfl 
My whole soul cried " Lord, to thee I dedicate myself! O accept 
of me, and let me be thine forever. Lord, I desire nothing else ; I 
desire nothing more. O come, come, Lord, accept a poor worm. 
Whom have I in heaven but thee ? and there is none'upon ecarth 
that I desire beside ^Aee." After this was enabled to praise G<xl 
with my whole soul, that he had enabled me to devote and con- 
secrate all my powers to him in this solemn manner. My heart 
rejoiced in my particular work as a mmfonary; rejoiced in my ne- 


cessity of self-denial in many respccls; and still continued to 
give up myself to God, and implore mercy of him, praying in- 
cessantly, every moment with sweet fervency. My nature being 
very weak of late, and much spent, was now considerably 
overcome : my fingers grew very feeble, and somewhat numb, 
so that I could scarcely stretch them out straight ; and when I 
lighted from my horse, could hardly walk ; my joints seemed all 
to be loosed. But I felt abundant strength in the inner man. 
Preached to the white people : God helped me much, especially 
in prayer. Sundry of my poor Indians were so moved as to 
come to meeting also ; and one appeared much concerned. 

Julv 2. " Had some relish of the divine comforts of yester- 
day ; but could not get that warmth and exercise of faith, which 
I desired. Had sometimes a distressing sense of my past follies, 
and present ignorance and barrenness : and especially in the 
afternoon, was sunk down under a load of sin and guilt, in 
that I had lived so little to God, after his abundant goodness 
to me yesterday. In the evening, though very weak, was en- 
abled to pray with fervency, and to coiftinue instant in prayer, 
near an hour. My soul mourned over the power of its corrup- 
tion, and longed exceedingly to be washed and purged as with 
^ssop. Was enabled to pray for my dear absent friends, 
dhrist^s ministers, and his church ; and enjoyed much freedom 
and fervency, but not so much comfort, by reason of guilt and 
shame before God. Judged and condemned myself for the 
follies of the day. 

Jvly 3. ^ Was still very weak. This morning, was cnablc<l 
to pray under a feeling sense of my need of help from God, and, 
I trust, had some faith in exercise ; and blessed oe God, was en- 
abled to plead with him a considerable time. Truly God is 
^ood to me. But my soul mourned, and was grieved at my 
sinfiilness and barrenness, and longed to be -nore engaged for 
God. Near nine, withdrew again for prayer i and through di- 
vine goodness, had the blessed spirit of prayer; my soulloved 
the mity, and longed for God in it. O it is sweet to be the 
hordes J to be sensibly devoted to him ! What a blessed por- 
tion is God ! How glorious, how lovely in himself! O my 

soul longed to improve time wholly for God ! Spent most 

of the day in translating prayers into Indian. — In the evening, 
was enabled again to wrestle with God in prayer with fervency. 
Was enabled to maintain a self-diffident and watchful frame 
of spirit, in the evening, and was jealous and afraid lest I 
should admit carelessness and self-confidence.'^ 

The next day^ he seems to have had special assistance and 
fervency most of the day, but in a less degree than in the pre- 
ceding day. Tuesday was s]>ent in great bodily weakness ; 
yet seems to have been spent in continual di^ifress and grcnt 


bitterness of spirit, iu consequence of his vileness and corrup- 
tion. He says, '' I thought that there was not one creature 
living so vile as I. O my inward pollution ! O my guilt and 
shame before God I I know not what to do. O I longed ar- 
dently to be' cleansed and washed from the stains of inward 
pollution ; O, to be made like God, or rather to be made fit 
for God to own !" 

July 6. ^^ Awoke this morning in the fear of God : soon call- 
ed to mind my sadness in the evening past ; and spent mjr fint 
waking minutes in prayer for sanctification, that my soul mw 
be wa^ed from its exceeding pollution and defilement. After 1 
arose, I spent some time in reading God^s word, and in prayw. 
I cried to God under a sense of my ^eat indigence. I anif of 
late most of all concerned for ministerial qualifications, and 
the conversion of the Heathen. Last year, I longed to.be 
prepared for a world of glory, and speedily to depart out df 
this world ; but of late all my concern almost is, for the con- 
version of the Heathen ; and for that end I long to live. But 
blessed be God, I have less desire to live for any of the plear 
sures of the world, than I «ver had. I long and love to oe a 
pilgrim ; and want grace to imitate the life, labours, and suflfer- 
mgs of St. Paul among the Heathen. And when I long fior 
hcHiness now, it is not so much for myself as formerly ; but ra- 
ther that thereby I may become an ^^ able minister of the New 
Testament,^^ especially to the Heathen. Spent about two 
hours this morning in reading and prayer by turns ; and was 
in a watchful tender frame, afraid of every thing that might 
cool my affections, and draw away my heart from God. Was 
a little strengthened in my studies ; but near night was very 
weak and weary. 

July 7. " Was very much disordered this morning, and my 
vigour all spent and exhausted : but was affected and refreshed 
in reading the sweet story of Elijah^s translation, and enjoyed 
some affection and fervency in prayer : longed much for mi- 
nisterial gifts and graces, that I might do something in the 
cause of God. Afterwards was refreshed and invigorated, 
while reading Alleine^s first Case of Conscience^ &c. and en- 
abled then to pray with some ardour of soul, and was afraid of 
carelessness and self-confidence, and longed for holiness. 

Lord^s day^ July 8. " Was ill last night, not able to rest 
quietly. Had some small degree of assistance in preaching to the 
Indians ; and afterwards was enabled to preach to the white 
people with some power, especially in the close of my discourse^ 
from Jer. iii. 23. Truly in vain is salvation hoped for from tho 
hillsy &c. The Lord also assisted me in some measure in the 
first prayer ; blessed be his name. Near night, though venr 
weary, was enabled to read God's word with some sweet relisiY^ 


of it, and to pray with affection, fervency, and I trust with 
faith: my soul was more sensibly dependent on God than 
usuaL Was watchful, tender, and jealous of my own heart, 
lest I should admit carelessness and vain thoughts, and grieve 
the blessed Spirit, so that he should withdraw his sweety kind, 
and leiider influences. Longed to ^^ depart, and be with 
Christ,^' more than at any time of late. My soul was ex- 
ceedingly united to the saints of ancient times, as well as those 
now living ; especially my soul melted for the society of Elijah 
and Elisha. Was enabled to cry to God with a child-like spi* 
cit, and to continue instant in prayer for some time. Was 
much enlarged in the sweet duty of intercession ; was enabled 
totemember ^at numbers of dear firiends, and precious souls, 
ai well 80 Chnst^s ministers. Continued, in this frame, afraid 
of every idle thought, till I dropped asleep. 

July 9. ^^ Was under much illness of body most of the day ; 
and not able to sit up the whole day. Towards night felt a 
little better. Then spent some time in reading Gcd^s word 
and prayer ; enjoyed some degree of fervency and affection ; 
was enabled to plead with God for his cause and kingdom : 
and, through divine goodness, it was apparent to me, that it 
waa his cause I pleadra for, and not my own ; and was enabled 
to make this an argument with God to answer my requests. 

July 10. ^^ Was very ill and full of pain, and very dull and 

spiritless. In the evening, had an affecting sense of my 

Ignorance, and of my need of God at all times to do every 
thing for me ; and my soul was humbled before God. 

July 11. ^^ Was still exercised with illness and pain. Had 
some degree of affection and warmth in prayer and reading 
God^fl word ; longed for Abraham^s faith and fellowship with 
God ; and felt some resolution to spend all my time for Grod, 
and to exert myself with more fervency in his service ; but found 
my body weak and feeble. In the afternoon, though very ill, 
was enabled to spend' some considerable time in prayer ; sp^t, 
indeed, most of the day in that exercise : and my soul was dif* 
fident, watchful, and tender, lest I should offend my blessed 
Friend, in thought or behaviour. I am persuaded that my soul 
confided in, and leaned upon the blessed God. O, what need 
did I see myself to stand in of God at all times, to assist me and 

lead me ! Found a great want of strength and vigour, both 

in the outward and inner man.^^ 

The exercises and experiences of which he speaks in the next 
Tme day 8^ are very similar to those of the preceding days of this 
and the foregoing week; a sense of his own weakness, ignorance, 
improfitableness, and vileness ; loathing and abhorring himself; 
self-diffidence ; sense of the greatness of his work, of his great 
•loed of divine help*^ and the extreme danger of self-confidence -. 


longing for holiness and humility, to be fitted for his work, and 
to live to God, and for the conversion of the Indians ; and these 
things to a very great degree. 

July 21. '^ This morning, I was greatly oppressed with ^ilt 
and shame, from a sense of inward vileness and pollution. 
About nine, withdrew to the woods for prayer ; but had not 
much comfort ; I appeared to myself the vilest, meanest crea- 
ture upon earth, and could scarcely live with myself; so mean 
and vile I appeared that I thought I should never be able to 
hold up my face in heaven, if God of his infinite grace should 
bring me thither. Towards night my burden respecting my 
work among the Indians began to increase much ; and was ag- 
gravated by hearing sundry things, which looked very discou- 
raging ; in particular, that they mtended to meet tosether the 
next day for an idolatrous feast and dance. Then i began Jo 
be in anguish : I thought that I must in conscience go and en- 
deavour to break them up ; yet knew not how to attempt such 
a thing. However, I withdrew for prayer, hoping for strength 
from above. In prayer 1 was exceedingly enlarged, and my 
soul was as much drawn out as I ever remember it to have been 
in my life. I was in such anguish, and pleaded with so much 
earnestness and importunity, that when I rose from my knees I 
felt extremely weak and overcome ; I could scarce walk straight; 
my joints were loosed ; the sweat ran down my face and body ; 
and nature seemed as if it would dissolve. So far as I could 
judge, I was wholly free from selfish ends in my fervent sap- 
plications for the poor Indians. I knew that they were ipet 
together to worship devils, and not God : and this made me 
cry earnestly, that God would now appear, and help me in my 
attempts to break up this idolatrous meeting. My soul pleaded 
long ; and I thought that God would hear, and would go with 
me to vindicate his own cause ; I seemed to confide in God 
for his presence and assistance. And thus I spent the evening, 
prating incessantly for divine assistance, and that I might not he 
self-dependent, but still have my whole dependence upon God. 
What I passed through was remarkable, and indeed inexpres- 
sible. All things here below vanished ; and there appeared to 
be nothing of any considerable importance to me, but holiness 
of heart and life and the conversion of the Heathen to God. 
All my cares, fears, and desires, which might be said to be of 
a worldly nature, disappeared ; and were, in my esteem, of little 
more importance than a puff of wind. I exceedingly longed 
that God would get to himself a name among the Heathen ; 
and I appealed to him with the greatest freedom, that he knew 
I " preferred him above my chief joy." Indeed, I had no no- 
tion of joy from this world ; I cared not where or how 1 lived, 
or what hardships I went through, so that I could but gain souls 


o Christ I continued in this frame all the evening and night. 
iVhile I was asleep, I dreamed of these things ; and when I 
iraked, (as I frequently did,) the first thing I thought of was 
his great w^ork of pleading for God against Satan. 

hordes day^ July 22. ^^ When I waked, my soul was burdened 
vith what seemed to be before me. I cried to God, before I 
20u]d get out of my bed ; and as soon as I was dressed, I with- 
irew into the woods, to pour out my burdened soul to God, 
especially for assistance in my great work ; for I could scarcely 
thmk of any thing else. I enjoyed the same freedom and fer- 
irency as the last evening ; and did with unspeakable freedom 
g;ive up myself afresh to God, for life or deatn, for all hardships 
bie should call me to among the Heathen ; and felt as if no- 
thing could discourage me from this blessed work. I had a 
strong hope that God would "bow the heavens and come 
down,^^ and do some marvellous work among the Heathen. 
While I was riding to the Indians — three miles, my heart was 
continually going up to God for his presence and assistance ; 
and hoping, and almost expecting, that God would make this 
the day of his power and grace amongst the poor Indians. 
When I came to them, I found them engaged in their frolic ; 
but through divine goodness I persuaded them to desist and 
attend to my preaching: yet still there appeared nothing of 
the special power of God among them. Preached again to 
them in the afternoon, and observed the Indians were more 
sober than before ; but still saw nothing special among them. 
Hence Satan took occasion to tempt and buffet me with these 
cursed suggestions, There is no God, or if there be, he is not 
able to convert the Indians, before they have more knowledge, 
&c. I was very weak and weary, and my soul borne down 
with perplexity ; but was mortified to all the world, and was 
determined still to wait upon God for the conversion of the 
Heathen, though the devil tempted me to the contrary. 

JtUff 23. " Retained still a deep and pressing sense of what 
lay with so much weight upon me yesterday; but was more 
cdm and quiet. Enjoyed freedom and composure, after the 
temptations of the last evening ; had sweet resignation to the 
divine will ; and desired nothing so much as the conversion of 
the Heathen to God, and that his kingdom might come in my 
OWH heart, and the heart of others. Rode to a settlement of 
Irish people, about fifteen miles south-westward; spent my 
time m prayer and meditation by the way. Near night, 
preached from Matt. v. 3. Blessed are the poor in spirit^ ^. — 
God was pleased to afford me some degree of freedom and 
fervency. Blessed be God for any measure of assistance. 

July 24. " Rode about seventeen miles westward, over a 
hideous mountain, to a number of Indians. Got together near 
thnrty of them : preached to them in the evening, and lodged 

152 MKMOIKS or BAAlNKRi;. 

among them. — Was weak, and felt in some degree disconso- 
late ; yet could have no freedom in the thought of any other 
circumstances or business in life. All my desire was the con- 
version of the Heathen ; and all my hope was in God. God 
does not suffer me to please or comfort myself with hopes of 
seeing friends, returning to my dear acquaintance, and enjoy* 
ing worldly comforts/^ 

The next day^ he preached to these Indians again; and dien 
returned to the Ihsh settlement, and there preached to a na* 
merous congregation. There was a considerable appearance 
of awakening in the congreeation. Thursday he returned 
home, exceedmgly fatigued and spent ; still in the same frame 
of mortification to the world, and solicitous for the advance- 
ment of Christ^s kingdom. On this day he writes thus : ^ I 
have felt this week, more of the spirit of a pilgrm on earthy 
than perhaps ever before ; and yet so desirous to see ZionV 
prosperity, that I was not so willing to leave this scene of sor- 
rows as I used to be.^^ — The two remaining days of the week, 
he was very ill, and complains of wanderings, dulness, and 
want of spiritual fervency and sweetness. On the S^Bbbatb, 
be was confined by illness, not able to go out to preach. After 
this, his ilfaiess increased upon him, and he continued very BI 
all the week ; and says, that ^^ he thought he never before en- 
dured such a season of distressing weakness ; that his nature 
was so spent, that he could neither stand, sit, nor lie with any 
quiet ; that he was exercised with extreme fkintness and sick- 
ness at his stomach ; that his mind was as much disordered as 
his body, seeming to be stupid, and without any kind of affec- 
tions towards all objects, and yet perplexed, to think that he 
lived for nothing ; that precious time rolled away and he could 
do nothing but trifle : and that it was a season wherein SaHanr 
buffeted him with some peculiar temptations. On Tuesday of 
this week he wrote the following letter to an intimate and dear 
friend. It indicates affections in no ordinary degree chastened 
and spiritual. 

•• Forks of Delaware^ July 31, 1744k 

''-——Certainly the greatest, the noblest pleasure of mtelli- 

Sent creatures must result from their acquaintance with the 
lessed God, and with their own rational and inmiortal souls. 
O, how divinely sweet and entertaining is it, to look into our 
own souls, when we can find all our powers and passions united 
and engaged in pursuit after God ; our whole souls lonmig 
and passionately breathing after a conformity to him, and the 
full enjoyment of him ! Verily no hours pass away with so 
much divine pleasure, as those which are spent in communing 


^VIth God and our own hearts. O, how sweet is a spirit of de- 
votion, a spirit of seriousness and divine solemnity, a spirit of 
gospel simplicity, love and tenderness ! O, how desirable, and 
how profitable to the christian life, is a spirit of holy watchful- 
ness, and godl^ jealousy over ourselves ; when our souls are 
afraid of nothing so much as that we shall grieve and offend 
the blessed God, whom at such times we apprehend, or at 
least hope, to be a Father and Friend ; whom we then love 
and long to please^ rather than to be happy ourselves ; or at 
least we delight to derive our happiness /rom pleasing and glo- 
rifying him I Surely this is a pious temper, worthy of the high- 
est ambition and closest pursuit of intelligent creatures and 
holy Christians. O, how vastly superior are the pleasure, 
peace, and satisfaction derived from these divine frames, to 
that which we, alas ! sometimes pursue in things impertinent 
and trifling I Our own bitter experience teaches us, that ^' in 
the midst of such laughter the heart is sorrowful,^^ and there is 
no true satisfaction but in God. But, alas ! how shall we ob- 
tain and retain this sweet spirit of religion and devotion ? Let 
us follow the apostle^s direction, Phil. ii. 12. and labour upon 
the encouragement which he there mentions, ver. 13. for it is 
God only can afford us this favour ; and he will be sought to^ 
and it is fit we should wait upon him for so rich a mercy. O, 
may the God of all grace afford us the grace and influences of 
* his divine Spirit ; and help us that we may from oiir hearts es- 
teem it our greatest liberty and happiness, that ^^ whether we 
live, we may live to the Lord, or whether we die, we may die 
to the Lord f ^ that in life and deaths we may be his / 

" I am in a very poor state of health ; I think, scarce ever 
poorer : buf, through divine goodness, I am not discontented 
under my weakness, and confinement to this wilderness. I bless 
Grod for this retirement ; I never was more thankful for any 
thing, than I have been of late for the necessity I am under of 
selMenial in many respects. I love to be a pilgrim and 
stranger in this wilderness ; it seems most fit for such a poor, 
ignorant, worthless, despised creature as I. I would not change 
my present mission for any other business in the whole world. 
I may tell you fi'eely, without vanity and ostentation, God has 
of late given me great freedom and fervency in prayer, when I 
have been so weeuc and feeble that my nature seemed as if it 
ivould speedily dissolve. I feel as if my all was lost, and I was 
undone for this world, if the poor Heathen may not be convert- 
ed. I feel, in general, different from what I did, when I saw 
you last ; at least more crucijied to all the enjoyments of life. 
It would be very refreshing to me to see you here in this desert ; 
especially in my weak disconsolate hours ; but, I think, I could 
be content never to see vou, or any of mv friends again in this 
Vol. X. ^ " 20 


world, it' God would bless my labours here to the coiivertfiuu ol' 
the poor Indians. 

'^1 have much that I could willingly communicate to you. 
which I must omit till Providence gives us leave to see each 
other. In the mean-time, I rest 

" Your obliged friend and servant, 

" David Brainerd. ' ' 

Concerning the next Jive days he writes thus : " Lard'*s day, 
August 5, was still very poor. But, though very weak, I visited 
and preached to the poor Indians twice, and was strengthened 
vastly beyond my expectations. Indeed, the Lord gave me some 
freedom and fervency in addressing them ; though 1 had not 
strength enough to stand, but was obliged to sit down the whole 
time. Towards night, was extremely weak, faint, sick, and fiiU 
of pain. I have continued much m the same state I was in 
last week, through most of this, (it being now Friday,) unable 
to engage in any business ; frequently unable to pray in the 
family. I am obliged to let all my thoughts and concerns run 
at random ; for I have not strength to read, meditate, or pray : 
and this naturally perplexes my mind. I seiem to myself like a 
man that has all his estate embarked in one small boat, un* 
happily going adrift, down a swil't torrent. The poor owner 

stands on the shore, and looks, and laments his loss ^But, 

alas ! though my all seems to be adrift, and I stand and see it, 
1 dare not lament ; for this sinks my spirits more, and aggra- 
vates my bodily disorders ! I am forced therefore to divert my- 
self with trifles; although at the same time I am afraid, and 
oflen feel as if I was guilty of the misimprovement of time. 
And oftentimes my conscience is so exercised, with this misera- 
ble way of spending time, that I have no peace ; though I have 
no strength of mind or body to improve it to better purpose. 
O that God would pity my distressed state !" 

The next three weeks^ his illness was less severe ; and he was 
in some degree capable of business, both public and private ; 
though ho had some turns wherein his indisposition prevailed 
to a great degree. He had generally also much more inward 
assistance, and strength of mind. He often expresses great 
longings for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom, especially 
by the conversion of the heathen to God ; and speaks of this 
hope as all his delight and joy. He continues still to express 
his usual desires auer holiness, living to God, and a sen^ of 
his own unworthiness. He several times speaks of his appear- 
ing to himself the vilest creature on earth ; and once saySi 
that he verily thought there were none of God's children, who 
fell so far short of that holiness, and perfection in their obedi- 
ence, which God requires, as he. He speaks of his feeling 
more dead than ever to the enjoyment? of the world. He 

XiiMOlRft <»F iiRAI^EttU. 155 

sometimes mentions the special .ifssistance which he had af 
this time, in preaching to the Indians, and the appearances of 
religious concern among them. He specd^s also of assistance 
in prayer for absent friends, and especially ministers and can- 
fiidates for the ministry ; and of much comfort which he en- 
joyed in the company of some ministers who came to visit 

SqfU 1. ^^ Was so far strengthened, after a season of great 
'weakness, that I was able to spend two or three hours in 
ivriting on a divine subject. Enjoyed some comfort and sweet- 
ness in things divine and sacred ; and as my bodily strength 
was in some measure restored, so my soul seemed to be some- 
what vigorous, and engaged in the things of God. 

Lord's day^ S^U 2. " Was enabled to speak to Aiy poor 
Indians with much concern and fervency ; and I am persuaded. 
that God enabled me to exercise faith in him, while I was 
speaking to them. I perceived that some of them were afraid 
to hearken to and embrace Christianity^ lest they should be 
enchanted and poisoned by some of the powaws : but I was 
enabled to plead with them not to fear these ; and, confiding 
in God for safety and deliverance, I bid a challenge to an 
these powers of darkness^ to do their worst on me first. I told 
my people that I was a Christian^ and asked them why the 
powaws did not bewitch and poison me. I scarcely ever felt 
more sensible of my own unworthiness, than in this action. I 
saw that the honour of God was concerned in the affair ; and 
desired to be preserved — not from selfish views, but — ^for a 
testimony of the divine power and goodness, and of the truth 
of Christianity, and that God might be glorified. Afterwards, 
I found my soul rejoice in God for his assisting grace.^^ 

After this, he went a journey into New-England, and was 
absent from the place of his abode, at the Forks of Delaware, 
about three weeks. He was in a feeble state the greater part 
of the time. But in the latter part of the journey, he found 
that he gained much in health and strength. As to the state 
of his mmd, and his religious and spiritual exercises, it was 
macfa with him as usual in his journeys ; excepting that tlie 
frame of his mind seemed more generally to be comfortable. 
Biat yet there are complaints of some uncomfortable seasons, 
want of fervency, and want of retirements, and time alone 
with God. In his journey, ho did not forget the Indians ; but 
once and again speaks of his longing for their conversion. 

Sept. 26. " Rode home to the Forks of Delaware. What 
reason have I to bless God, who has preserved me in riding 
fflore than four hundred and twenty miles, and has " kept all 


my bones, that not one of them has been broken !" My health 
likewise is greatly recovered. O that I could dedicate my all 
to God ! This is all the return 1 can make to him. 

Sept. 27. " Was somewhat melancholy ; had not much free- 
dom and comfort in prayer : my soul is disconsolate when God 
is withdrawn. « 

Sept. 28. " Spent the day in jprayer, reading, and writing. 
Felt some small degree of warmth in prayer, and some desires 
of the enlargement of Christ's kingdom by the conversion of 
the Heathen, and that God would make me a " chosen vessel, 
to bear his name before them ;'^ longed for grace to enable me 
to be faithful." 

The next daxj^ he speaks of the same earnest desires for the 
advancement of Christ's kingdom, and the conversion of the 
Indians ; but complains greatly of the ill effects of the diver- 
sions of his late journey, as unnxing his mind from that degree 
of engagedness, fervency, and watchfulness, which he enjoyed 
before. The like complaints are continued the day after. 

Oct, 1. " Was engaged this day in making preparations for 
my intended journey to the Susquehannah. Withdrew several 
times to the woods for secret duties, and endeavoured to plead 
for the divine presence to eo with me to the poor Paeans, to 
^vhom I was gomg to preach the gospel. Towards night rode 
about four miles, and met brother Byram ;* who was come, at 
my desire, to be my companion in travel to the Indians. I re- 
joiced to see him ; and, I trust, God made his conversation pro- 
fitable to me. I saw him, as I thought more dead to the world, 
its anxious cares, and alluring objects, than I was : and this 
made me look within myself, and gave me a greater sense of 
my guilt, ingratitude, and misery. 

Oct. 2. " Set out on my journey, in company with dear bro- 
ther Byram, and my interpreter, and two chief Indians from die 
Forks of Delaware. Travelled about twenty five miles, and 
lodged in one of the last houses on our road ; afler which there 
was nothing but a hideous and howling wilderness. 

Oct 3. "We went on our way into the wilderness, and found 
the most difHcult and dangerous travelling, by far, that ever any 
of us had seen. We had scarce any thing else but lofly moun- 
tains, deep valleys, and hideous rocks, to make our way througL 
However, I felt some sweetness in divine things, part of the day, 
and had my mind intensely engaged in meditation on a divine 
subject. Near night, my beast on which I rode, hung one o£ 

* Minister at a place called RotkHHnts, about forty miles from BRAlWER^'^fi 


lier legs in the rocks, and fell down under me ; but through di- 
vine soodness, 1 was not hurt. However, she broke her leg ; 
and being in such a hideous place, and near thirty miles from 
any house, I saw nothing that could be done to preserve her 
life, and so was obliged to kill her, and to prosecute my journey 
on foot. This accident made me admire the divine goodness 
to me, that my bones wef^e not broken, and the multitude of 
them filled with strong pain. Just at dark, we kindled a fire, 
cut up a few bushes, and made a shelter over our heads, to save 
us from the frost, which was very hard that night ; and com- 
mitting ourselves to God by prayer, we lay down on the ground, 
and slept quietly.^^ 

The next day, they went forward on their journey, and at 
4Ciight took up their lodgings in the woods in like manner. 

Oct, 5. "We reached the Susquehannah river, at a place 
called Opekolhaupung, and found there twelve Indian houses. 
After I had saluted the king in a friendly manner, I told him my 
business, and that my desire was to teach them Christianity. Al- 
ter some consultation, the Indians gathered, and I preached to 
them. And when I had done, I asked if they would hear me 

Xin. They replied, that they would consider of it ; and soon 
r sent me word, that they would immediately attend, if 1 
would preach : which I did, with freedom, both times. When 
I asked them again, whether they would hear me further, they 
replied, they would the next day. I was exceeding sensible 
of the impossibility of doing any thing for the poor Heathen 
without special assistance from above ; and my soul seemed to 
rest on God, and leave it to him to do as he pleased in that 
which I saw was his own cause. Indeed, through divine good- 
ness, I had felt somewhat of this frame most of the time while I 
was travelling thither, and in some measure before I set out. 

Oct. 6. " Rose early and besought the Lord for help in my 
great work. Near noon, preached again to the Indians ;• and 
in the afternoon, visited them from house to house, and invited 
them to come and hear me again the next day, and put off 
their hunting design, which they were just entering upon, till 
Monday. " This night," I trust, " the Lord stood by me," to 
encourage and strengthen my soul : I spent more than an hour 
in secret retirement ; was enabled to " pour out my heart before 
God,'' for the increase of grace in my soul, for ministerial en- 
dowments, for success among the poor Indians, for God's mi- 
nisters and people, for distant dear friends, &c. Blessed be 

The next day^ he complains of great want of fixedness and 
intenseness in religion, so that he could not keep any spintual 


thought one minute without distraction ; which occasioned 
anguish of spirit. He felt amazingly guilty ^ and extremdy 
nUterable ; and cries out, ^^ O, my soul, what death it is, to have 
the affections unable to centre in God, by reason of darkness, 
and consequent roving after that satisfaction elsewhere, that is 
only to be found here !" However, he preached twice to the 
Indians with considerable freedom and power ; but was after- 
wards damped by the objections they made against ChristianUy. 
In the evening, m a sense of his great defects in preaching, he 
** intreated God not to impute to him blood-guiltiness ;" but yet 
was at the same time enabled to rejoice in God. 

Oct. 8. " Visited the Indians with a design to take my leave 
of them, supposing they would this morning go out to hunting 
early ; but beyoncTmy expectation and hope, they desired to 
hear me preach again. I gladly complied with their request, 
and afterwards endeavoured to answer their objections against 
Christianity. Then they went away ; and we spent the rest of 
the afternoon in reading and prayer, intending to go home- 
ward very early the next day. My soul was in some measure 
refreshed in secret prayer and meditation. Blessed be the Lord 
for all his goodness. 

Oct. 9. " We rose about four in the morning, and, com- 
mending ourselves to God by prayer, and ieisking his special 
protection, we set out on our journey homewards about five, 
and travelled with great steadiness till past six at night ; and 
then made us a fire, and a shelter of barks, and so rested. I 
had some clear and comfortable thoughts on a divine subject, 
by the way, towards night. In the night, the wolves howled 
around us ; but God preserved us.'' 

The next day^ they rose early, and set forward, and travelled 
that day till they came to an Irish settlement, with which 
Brainerd was acquainted, and lodged there. He speaks of 
some sweetness in divine things, and thankfulness to QoA .for 
his goodness to him in this journey, though attended with 
shame for his barrenness. On Thursday^ he continued in the 
same place; and both he and Mr. Byram preached there to 
the people. 

Oct. 12. " Rode home to my lodgings ; where I poured out 
my soul to God in secret prayer, and endeavoured to bless 
him for his abundant goodness to me in my late journey. 
I scarcely ever enjoyed more health, at least of later years ; and 
God marvellously, and almost miraculously, supported me un- 
der the fatigues of the way, and travelling on foot. Blessed 
be the Lord, who continually preserves me in all my ways.'' 


On Saturday^ he went ogain to the Irish settlement, to spend 
the Sabbath there, his Indians being gone. 

JLard^s day^ Oct. 14. '^ Was much confused and perplexed 
in m^ thoughts ; could not pray ; and was almost discouraffed, 
thinking I should never be able to preach any more. AAer- 
wards, God was pleased to give me some relief from these con- 
fusions ; but still I was afraid, and even troubled before God, 
I went to the place of public worship, lifting up my heart to 
God for assistance and grace, in my great work : and God was 
gracious to me, helping me to plead with him for holiness, and 
to use the strongest arguments with him, drawn from the in- 
carnation and sufferings of Christ for this very end, that men 
might be made holy. Afterwards, I was much assisted in 
preaching. I know not that ever God helped me to preach in 
a more close and distinguishing manner for the trial of men^s 
state. Through the infinite goodness of God, I felt what I 
spoke ; he enabled me to treat on divine truth with uncommon 
clearness ; and yet I was so sensible of my defects in preach* 
ing, that I could not be proud of my performance, as at some 
times ; and blessed be the Lord for this mercy. In the evening 
I longed to be entirely alone, to bless God for help in a time 
of extremity ; and longed for great degrees of holiness, that I 
might show my gratitude to God." 

The next mommg^ he spent some time before sun-rise in 
prayer, in the same sweet and grateful frame of mind, that he 
hadf been in the evening before ; and, afterwards, went to his 
Indians, and spent some time in teaching and exhorting them. 

Oct. 16. " Felt a spirit of solemnity and watchfulness ; vvas 
afraid I should not live to and upon God : longed for more in* 
tenseness and spirituality. Spent the day in writing ; frequently 
lifting up my heart to God for more heavenly mindedness. In 
the evening, enjoyed sweet assistance in prayer ; thirsted and 
pleaded to be as holy as the blessed angels ; longed for minis* 
terial gifts and graces, and success in my work ; was sweetly 
assisted in the duty of intercession ; and enabled to remember 
and plead for numbers of dear friends, and of Christ's minis- 

He seemed to have much of the same frame of mind the two 
next days. 

Oct. 19. " Felt an abasing sense of my own impurity and 
unholiness ; and felt my soul melt and mourn, that I had abused 
and grieved a very gracious God, who was still kind to me, not- 
withstanding all my unworthiness. My soul enjoyed a sweet 


Beason of bitter repentance and sorrow, that I had wronged 
that blessed God, who, I was persuaded, was reconciled to me 
in his dear Son. My soul was now tender, devout, and solemn. 
And I was afraid of nothing but sin ; and afraid of that in eveiy 
action and thought." 

The fimr next days^ were manifestly spent in a most constant 
tenderness, watchfulness, diligence, and selfdiffidence. But 
he complains of wanderings of mind, languor of affections, &c. 

Oct. 24. " Near noon, rode to my people; spent some time 
and prayed with them : felt the frame of a pilgrim on earth; 
longed much to leave this gloomy mansion; but yet found the 
exercise of patience and resignation. And, as I returned home 
from the Indians, spent the whole time in lifting up my heart to 
God. In the evening, enjoyed a blessed season alone in prayer ; 
was enabled to cry to God with a child-like spirit, for the space 
of near an hour ; enjoyed a sweet freedom in supplicating for 
myself, for dear friends, ministers, and some who are preparing 
for that work, and for the church of God ; and longed to be as 
lively myself in God^s service as the angels. 

Oct. 25. " Was busy in writing. Was very sensible of my 
absolute dependence on God in all respects ; saw that I could 
do nothing, even in those affairs for which i have sufficient 
natural faculties, unless God should smile upon my attempt. 
" Not that we are sufficient of ourselves, to think any thing, as 
of ourselves," I saw was a sacred truth. 

Oct. 26. " In the morning, my soul was melted with a sense 
of divine goodness and mercy to such a vile unworthy worm. I 
delighted to lean upon God, and place my whole trust in him. 
My soul was exceedingly grieved for sin, and prized, and longed 
after holiness ; it wounded my heart deeply, yet sweetly, to 
think how I had abused a kind God. I longed to be perfectly 
holy, that I might not grieve a gracious God ; who will con- 
tinue to love, notwithstanding his love is abused ! I longed for 
holiness more for this end, than I did for my own happiness* 
sake : and yet this was my greatest happiness, never more to 
dishonour, but always to glorify the blessed God. Afterwards, 
rode up to the Indians, in the afternoon, i&c." 

The four next days^ he was exercised with much disorder 
and pain of body, with a degree of melancholy and gloominess 
of mind, bitterly complaining of deadness and unprofitable- 
ness, yet mourning and longing after God. 

Oct. 31. " Was sensible of my barrenness and decays in the 
things of God : my soul failed when I remembered the fer- 
vency which I had enjoyed at the throne of grace. O, I 


thought, if 1 could but be spiritual, warm, heavcii]y-iiiin(led,"and 
affectionately breathing after God, this would be better than 
life to me ! My soul longed exceedingly for death, to be loosed 
firom this dulness and barrenness, and made for ever active in 
the service of God. . I seemed to live for nothing, and to do 
no ffood : and O, the burden of such a hfc ! O death, death, 
my Idnd friend, hasten, and deliver me from dull mortality, and 
make me spiritual and vigorous to eternity ! 

Nov. 1. " Had but little sweetness in divine things ; but 
afterwards, in the evening, felt some life, and longings after 
Grod. I longed to be always solemn, devout, and heavenly- 
minded ; and was afraid to leave off praying, lest I should 
again lose a sense of the sweet things of God. 

Ncv. 2. " Was filled with sorrow and confusion in tlie 
morning, and could enjoy no sweet sense of divine things, nor 

S9t any relief in prayer. Saw I deserved that every one of 
od^ creatures should be let loose, to be the executioners of 
his wrath against me ; and yet therein saw I deserved what I 
did. not {ear as my portion. About noon, rode up to the 
Indians ; and while going, could feel no desires for them, and 
even dreaded to say any thing to them ; but God was pleased 
to give me some freedom and enlargement, and made the sea- 
son comfortable to me. In the evening, had enlargement in 
prayer. But, alas ! what comforts and enlargements I have 
fiblt for these many weeks past have been only transient and 
short ; and the greater part of my time has been filled up with 
deadness, or struggles with deadness, and bitter conflicts with 
corruption. I have found myself exercised sorely with some 
particular things that I thought myself most of all freed from. 
And thus I have ever found it, — when I have thought the battle 
was over, and the conquest gained, and so let down my watch, 
the enemy has risen up and done me the greatest injury. 

Nov. 3. " I read the life and trials of a godly man, and 
was much warmed by it : I wondered at my past deadness ; 
and was more convinced of it than ever. Was enabled to 
confess and bewail my sin before God, with self-abhorrence. 

Lord's day^ Nov. 4. " Had, I think, some exercise of faith 
in prayer, in the morning : longed to be spiritual. Had con- 
siderable help in preaching to my poor Indians : was encour- 
aged with them, and hoped that God designed mercy for 

The next day, Nov. 5, he concluded the following letter to 
IUv..Mr. Pemberton, of New York, giving an account of his 
labours, and success, both at Kaunaumeek and at the Forks of 

Vol. X. 21 


'* Forks of Delaware^ Nov. 5, 1744. 
" Rev. SrR, 

^' Since you are pleased to require of me some brief and 
general account of my conduct in the affair of my mission 
among the Indians ; the pains and endeavours I have used Up 
propagate Christian knowledge among them ; the difficulties 1 
have met with in pursuance of that sreat work ; and the hope* 
ful and encouragmg appearances I have observed in any of 
them; I shall now endeavour to answer your demands, by 
giving a brief but faithful account of the most material tUngv 
relating to that important affair, with which I have bee^mnd 
am stiU concerned. This I shall do with more fireedoib and 
cheerfiilness, both because I apprehend it will be af lil^ely 
means to give pious persons, who are concerned for the king- 
dom of Christ, some just apprehension of the many and great 
difficulties that attend the propagation of it among the poor 
Pagans ; and consequently, it is hoped, will engage their move 
frequent and fervent prayers to God, that those may be succeed- 
ed, who are employed m this arduous work. Besides, I per-^ 
suade myself, that the tidings of the gospel spreading among 
the poor Heathen, will be, to those who are waiting for the 
accomplishment of the " glorious things spoken of the eity of 
our God,'^ as ^' good news from a far country ;^^ and that mew 
will be so far from ^' despising the day of small things,^' that, oa 
the contrary, the least dawn of encouragement and hope, ia 
this important affair, will rather inspire their pious breast^ with 
more generous and warm desires, that ^^ the kingdoms of this 
world, may speedily become the kingdoms of our Lord, and of 
his Christ." — I shall therefore immediately proceed to the bu- 
siness before me, and briefly touch upon the most important 
matters that have concerned my mission, from the beginning to 
this present time. 

" On March 15, 1743, I waited on the Correspondents for 
the Indian mission at New York ; and the week following, 
attended their meeting at Woodbridge, in 'New Jersey, and 
was speedily dismissed Inr them with orders to attempt the in- 
struction of*^ a number of Indians in a place some miles distant 
from the city of Albany. And on the first day of April follow- 
ing, I arrived among the Indians, at a place called by them 
Kaunaumeek^ in the county of Albany, nearly twenty miles 
distant from the city eastward. 

^^ The. place, as to its situation, was sufHciently lonesome and 
unpleasant, being encompassed with mountains and woods ; 
twenty miles distant from any English inhabitants; six or 
seven from any Dutch ; and more than two from a family that 
came some time since, from the Highlands of Scotland, and 

MEMOIRS or J3HAK\LK1». 1(K] 

had then lived, as I remember, about two years in this wilder 
ness. In this family I lodged about the space of three months. 
the master of it being the only person with whom I could 
readily converse in those parts, except my interpreter ; others 
understanding very little English. 

*^ After I had spent about three months in this situation, 1 
found my distance from the Indians a very great disadvantage 
to my work among them, and very burdensome to myself; as 
I was obliged to travel forward and backward almost daily on 
foot, having no pasture in which I could keep my horse for 
that purpose. And after all my pains, could not be with the 
Indians in the evening and morning, which were usually the 
best hours to find them at home, and when they could best at- 
tend my instructions. — I therefore resolved to remove, and live 
with or near the Indians, that I might watch all opportunities, 
when they were generally at home, and take the advantage of 
such seasons for their instructions. 

" Accordingly I removed soon after ; and, for some time, 
lived with them in one of their wigwams ; and, not long after, 
buih me a small house, where I spent the remainder of that 
year entirely alone ; my interpreter, who was an Indian, choos- 
j^ rather to live in a wigwam among his own countirmen. — 
This way of living I found attended with many difficulties. 
«uid uncomfortable circumstances, in a place where I could 
get none of the necessaries and common comforts of life, (no. 
not so much as a morsel of bread,) but what I brought from 
places fifteen and twenty miles distant, and oftentimes was 
obliged, for some time together, to content myself without, for 
want of an opportunity to procure the things I needed. 

** But although the difficulties of this solitary way of living 
are not the least, or most inconsiderable, (and doubtless are, 
ia fact, many more and greater to those who experience^ than 
they ean readily appear to those who only view them at a dis- 
tance,) yet I can truly say that the burden I felt respecting mjr 
greai work among the poor Indians, the fear and concern that 
continually hung upon my spirit, lest tliey should be prejudiced 
against Christianity, and their minds imbittered against me, 
and my labours among them by means of the insinuations of 
some who, although they are called Christians^ seem to have no 
concern for Christ^s kingdom, but had rather (as their conduct 
plainly discovers) that the Indians should remain Heathens, that 
they may with the more ease cheat, and so enrich themselves by 
them — ^were much more pressing to me, than all the difficulties 
that attended the circumstances of my living. 

** As to the state or temper of mind in which I found these 
Indians, at my first coming among them, I may justly say, it 
was much more desirable and encouraging, than what appears 
among those who are altogether unrnltivated. Their Heathen- 


ish jealousies and suHpicioii, and tlieir prejudices againat 
Cliristiauily, were in. a great measure removed by the long- 
continued labours of the Reverend Mr. Sargeant Biaong a 
number of tlie same tribe, in a place little more than tweatf 
miles distant. Hence, tliese were, in some good degree, i»o- 
pared to entertain the truths of Christianity', inst^aMi of ob- 
jecting against them, and appearing almost entirely untracta- 
ble, as is common with them at first, and as, perhaps, these 
appeared a few years ago. Some of them, at least, appeared 
very well disposed towards religion, and seemed much pleased. 
with my coming among them. 

^^In my labours with tliem, in order to ^^tum them firom 
darkness to light,^^ I studied what was most plain and eoijf, 
and best suited to their capacities ; and endeavoured to set be- 
fore them from time to time, as they were able to receive them, 
the most important and necessary truths of Christianity; such 
as most immediately concerned their speedy conversion to God, 
and such as I judged had the greatest tendency, as means, to 
effect that glorious change in them. But especially I maide it 
the scope and drift of all my labours, to lead them into a 
thorough acquaintance with these two things. — Firsts The sm- 
fulness aiid misery of the estate they were naturally in; the 
evil of their hearts, the pollution of their natures ; the heavy 
guilt they were under, and their exposedness to everlasting pun- 
ishment; as also their utter inability to save themselves, either 
from their sins, or from those miseries which are the just pun- 
ishment of them ; and their unworthiness of any mercy at the 
hand of God, on account of any thing they themselves could 
do to procure his favour, and consequently their extreme need 
of Christ to save them. And, secondly^ I frequently endea- 
voured to open to them the fulness^ all-sufficiency^ Bndfreene$9^ 
of that redemption^ which the Son of God has wrought out by 
his obedience and sufferings, for perishing sinners : how tbifi 

Provision he had made, was suited to all their wants ; and how 
e called and invited them to accept of everlasting life fireely, 
notwithstanding all their sinfulness, inability, unworthiness, &jo. 
" After I had been with the Indians several months, I com- 
posed sundry forms of prayer^ adapted to their circumstances 
and capacities ; which, with the help of my interpreter, I trans- 
lated into the Indian language ; and soon learned to pronounce 
their words, so as to pray with them in their own tongue, I 
also translated sundry psalms into their language, and soon 
after we were able to sing in the worship of God. 

" When my people had gained some acquaintance witli 
many of the truths of Christianity, so that they were capable 
of receiving and understanding many others, which at first 
could not be taught them, by reason of their ignorance of 
those that were necessary to be previously known, and upon 


^^Kich Others depentled ; I then gave them an historical 
'^count of God's deahngs with his ancient professing people 
^^ Jews ; some of the rites and ceremonies they were obliged 
^^ observe, as their sacrifices, &c. ; and what these were de- 
igned to represent to them : as also some of the suiprising 
^^inracles God wrought for their salvation, while they trusted in 
liiiD, and sore punishments he sometimes brought upon them, 
when they forsook and sinned against him. Afterwards I pro- 
ceeded to give them a relation of the birth, life, miracles, suf- 
ferings, death, and resurrection of Christ ; as well as his ascen- 
sion, and the wonderful effusion of the holy Spirit consequent 

** And having thus endeavoured to prepare the way by such 
a general account of things, I- next proceeded to read and ex- 
pound to them the gospel of St. Matthew (at least the sub- 
stance of it^ in course, wherein they had a more distinct and 
particular view of what they had before some general notion. — 
These expositions I attended almost every evenings when there 
was any considerable number of them at home ; except when 
I was obliged to be absent myself, in order to learn the Indian 

lan^age with the Rev. Mr. Sargeant. Besides these means 

of mstruction, there was likewise an English scAooZ constantly 
kept by my interpreter among the Indians ; which I used fre- 
quently to visit, in order to give the children and young peo- 
ple some proper instructions, and serious exhortations suited to 
their age. 

The degree of knowledge to which some of them attained, 
was considerable. Many of the truths of Christianity seemed 
fixed in their minds, especially in some instances, so that they 
would speak to me of them, and ask such questions about 
them, as were necessary to render them more plain and clear 
to their understandings — The children, also, and young people, 
who attended the school^ made considerable proficiency (at 
least some of them) in their learning ; so that had they under- 
stood the English language well, they would have been able to 
read somewhat readily in a psalter. 

^ But that which was most of all desirable, and gave me the 
greatest encouragement amidst many difficulties and disconso- 
uite hours, was, that the truths of God^s word seemed, at times, 
to be attended with some power upon the hearts and con- 
sciences of the Indians. And especially this appeared evident 
in a few instances, who were awakened to some sense of their 
miserable estate by nature, and appeared solicitous for deliver- 
ance firom it. Several of them came, of their own accord, to 
discourse with me about their souls' concerns ; and some, with 
tears, inquired " what they should do to be saved ?" and whether 
the God that Christians served, would be merciful to those 
that had been frequently drunk, &c. 


^*- And although I cannot say that I liave satisfactory evidcHces 
of their being ^^ renewed in the spirit of their mind,^' and aa^ 
vingly converted to God ; yet the spirit of God did, I api^e- 
hend, in such a manner attend the means of grace, and so ope- 
rate upon their minds thereby, as might justly afford matter of 
encouragement, to hope that God designed good to them, and 
that he was preparing his way into their souls. 

*^ There likewise appeared a reformation in the lives and 
manners of the Indians. — Their idolatrous sacrifices (of which 
there was but one or two, that I know of, after my comings 
among them) were wholly laid aside. And their heathenbn 
custom of dancings hallooing^ i&c, they seemed in a consider- 
able measure to have abandoned. And I could not but hope, 
that they were reformed in some measure from the sin of drunh 
enness. They likewise manifested a regard for the Lord^s day% 
and not only behaved soberly themselves, but took care ajlso to 
keep their children in order. 

^^ Yet, after all, I must confess, that as there were many hope- 
ful appearances among them, so there were some things more 
discouraging. And while I rejoiced to observe an^ senousnen 
and concern among them about the affairs of their souk, still 
I was not without continual fear and concern, lest such en- 
couraging appearances might prove ^^ like a morning cloud, 
that passeth away." 

" When I had spent near a year with the Indians, I in- 
formed them that I expected to leave them in the spring then 
approaching, and to be sent to another tribe of Indians, at a 
great distance from them. On hearing this, they appeared 
very sorrowful, and some of them endeavoured to persuade me 
to continue with them ; urging that they had now heard so 
much about their souls'' concerns^ that they could never more 
be willing to live as they had done, without a minister^ and fur- 
ther instructions in the way to heaven, &c. Whereupon I told 
them, they ought to be willing that others also should hear 
about their souls^ concerns, seeing those needed it as much as 
themselves. Yet furthet to dissuade me from going, they add- 
ed, that those Indians, to whom I had thoughts of going (as 
they had heard) were not willing to become Christidns as they 
were, and therefore urged me to tarry with them. I then told 
them, that they might receive further instruction without me ; 
but the Indians to whom I expected to be sent, could not, there 
being no minister near to teach them. And hereupon I advised 
them in case I should leave them, and be sent elsewhere, to 
remove to Stockbridge, where they might be supplied with 
land, and conveniences of living, and be under the ministry 
of the Rev. Mr. Sargeant : with which advice and proposal, 
they seemed disposed to comply. 
" On April 6. 1744, I was ordered and directed bv the cor- 


^^^l^oiidcnls for the Indian mission, to take leave ot' the people, 
^^^th whom 1 had then spent a full year, and to go, as soon as 
?^^veniently I could, to a tribe of Indians on Delaware river 
^ Pennsylvania. 

** These orders I soon attended, and on April 29th took leave 
^f my people, who were mostly removed to Stockbridge under 
the care of the Rev. Mr. Sargeant. I then set out on my jour- 
ney towards Delaware ; and on May 10th met with a number 
of Indians in a place called Miunissinks^ about a hundred and 
forty miles from Kaunaumeek^ (the place where I spent 
the last year,) and directly in my way to Delaware river. 
With these Indians I spent some time, and first addressed their 
king in a friendly manner ; and after some discourse, and at- 
tempts to contract a friendship with him, I told him I had a 
desire (for his benefit and happiness) to instruct them in ChriS' 
tianiltf. At which he laughed, turned his back upon me, and 
went away. I then addressed another principal man in the 
same manner, who said he was willing to hear me. Afler 
some time, 1 followed the kuig into his house, and renewed 
nay discourse to him : but he declined talking, and left the 
affair to another, who appeared to be a rational man. He 
began, and talked very warmly near a quarter of an hour to* 
gether: he inc^uired why I desired the Indians to become 
Christians^ seemg the Christians were so much worse than 
the Indians are in their present state. The Christians, he said, 
would lie, steal, and drink, worse than the Indians. It was 
they first taught the Indians to be drunk : and they stole from 
one another, to that degree, that their rulers were obliged to 
hang them for it, and that was not sufficient to deter others 
from the like practice. But the Indians, he added, were none 
of them ever hanged for stealing, and yet they did not steal 
half so much ; and he supposed that if the Indians should be- 
come Christians, they would then be as bad as these. And 
hereupon he said, they would live as their fathers lived, and 
go where their fathers were when they died. I then freelv 
awnedj lamented and joined with him in condemning the ill 
conduct of some who are called Christians : told him,, these 
were not Christians in heart ; that I hated such wicked prac- 
tices, and did not desire the Indians to become such as these. 
— And when he appeared calmer, I asked him if he was willing 
that I should come and see them again ? He replied, he 
should be willing to sec mo a^ain, as a friend^ if I would not 
deaire them to become Christians. — I then bid them farewelli 
and prosecuted my journey towards Delaware. And May 13th, 
I arrived at a place called by the Indians Sakhauwotung^ 
within the Forks of Delaware in Pennsylvania. 

" Here also, when I came to the Indians, I saluted their 
^iTig*, and others, in a manner I thought most engaging. And 


soon after informed the king of my desire to instruct them in 
the Christian religion. After he had consuhed a few minutesf : 
with two or three old men, he told me he was willing to hear. . 
I then preached to those few that were present ; who appeared J 
very 'attentive and well disposed. And the king in particular 'a 
seemed both to wonder, and at the same time to be welLj 
pleased with what I taught them, respecting the divine Being^j^ 
&c. And since that time he has ever shown himself friendly— 
to me, giving me free liberty to preach in his house, whenever- 
I think fit, — Here therefore I have spent the greater part of 
the summer past, preaching usually in the king^s house. 

'^ The number of Indians in this place is but small ; most of 
those that formerly belonged here, are dispersed, and removed 
to places farther back in the country. There are not more 
than ten houses hereabouts, that continue to be inhabited ; and 
some of these are several miles distant from others, which 
makes it difficult for the Indians to meet together so frequently 
as could be desired. 

" When I first began to preach here, the number of my 
hearers was very small ; often not exceeding twenty or twenty- 
five persons : but towards the latter part of the summer, their 
number increased, so that I have frequently had for4;y persons, 
or more, at once ; and oftentimes most belonging to those 
parts, came together to hear me preach. 

" The effects which the truths of God's word have had upon 
some of the Indians in this place, are somewhat encouragmg. 
Sundry of them are brought to renounce idolatry^ and to de- 
cline partaking of those feasts which they used to offer in 
sacrifice to certain supposed unknown powers. And some 
few among them have, for a considerable time, manifested a 
serious concern for their souls' eternal welfare, and still con- 
tinue to " inquire the way to Zion," with such diligence, affec- 
tion, and becoming solicitude, as gives me reason to hope that 
"God who, I trust, has begun this work in them," will carry 
it on, until it shall issue in their saving conversion to himseltl 
These not only detest their old idolatrous notions, but strive 
also to bring their friends off from them. And as they are 
seeking salvation for tlieir own souls, so they seem desirous, 
and some of them take pains, that others might be excited to 
do the like. 

" In July last I heard of a number of Indians residing at a 
place called Kauksesauchung^ more tlian thirty miles westward 
from the place where I usually preach. I visited them, found 
about thirty persons, and proposed my desire of preaching to 
them ; they readily complied, and I preached to them only 
twice, they being just then removing from this place where 
they only lived for the present, to Susquehannah-river^ where 
they belonged. 


^^ While I was preaching, they appeared sober and atten^ 
live ; and were somewhat surprised, having never before heard 
of these thin^s^ There were two or three who suspected that 
I had some ill design upon them ; and urged, that the white 
t)eople had abused them, and taken their lands from them, and 
therefore they had no reason to think that they were now con- 
cerned for tneir happiness; but, on the contrary, that they 
designed to make them slaves, or get them on board tfieir 
Vessels, and make them fight with the people over the water^ 
(as they expressed it,^ meaning the French and Spaniards. 
However, the most oi them appeared very friendly, and told 
ine, they were then going directly home to Susquehannah, and 
desired I would make them a visit there, and manifested a 
Considerable desire of further instruction. — 'This invitation gavel 
me some encouragement in my great work ; and made me 
hope, that God designed to '^ open an effectual door to me^^ 
for spreading the gospel among the poor Heathen &rther 

^^ In the beginning of October last, with the advice and di- 
rection of the correspondents for the Indian mission, I under- 
took a journey to Susquehannab. And after three days tedious 
travel) two of them through a wilderness almost unpassabl^,* 
hy reason of mountains and rocks, and two nights lodging in 
the open wilderness, I came to an Indian settlement on thei 
^e of Susquehannah-river, called Opehothaupung; wiiere 
were twelve Indian houses, and (as nigh as 1 could learn) 
about seventy soiils, old and youns, belonging to them. 

^ Here also, soon after my arrival, I visited me im^, dddress- 
iiu[ him with expressions of kindness ; and after a few words 
of friendship, informed him of my desire to teach them the 
kBowledge of Christianity. He hesitated not long before he' 
told me, that be was willing to hear. I then preached ; and 
continued there several days, preaching every day, as long as 
the Indians were at home. And they, in order to hesir me^ 
deferred the design of their general hunting (which they were 
just then entering upon) for Sie space of three or four aaysw 

^^ The 97ten, I think universally, (except one) attended my 
preaching. Only the wonien^ supposing the affair we were upon 
Was of a public nature, belonging only to the men, and not 
What every individual person should concern himself with, could 
not readily be persuaded to come and hear ; but, after much 
ps^m used with them for that purpose, some few ventured ia 
come, and stand at a distance. 

^ When I had preached to the Indians several times, some o^ 
them very frankly proposed what they had to object against 
Christiaiiity ; and so gave me a fair opportunity K>r using my 
best endeavours to remove from their mmds those scruples and 
jealousies they laboured under : and when I had endeavoured 

Vol. X. 33 


to answer their objections, some appeared much satisfied. I 
then asked the king if be was willing I should visit andf pre&ch 
to them again, if I should live to the next spring ? He replied, 
he should oe heartily willing, for his own part, and added, he 
wished the young people would learn, &c. I then put the same 
question to the rest ; some answered they would be very glad, 
and none manifested any dislike to it. 

•*^ There were sundry other things in their behaviour, which 
appeared with a comfortable and encouraging aspect f that, 
upon the whole, I could not but rejoice I had taken tnat journey 
among them, althou^ it was attended with manv dimculties 
and hardships. The method I used with them, and the instruct 
tions I gave them, I am persuaded, were mean», in some mea- 
sure, to remove their heathenish jealousies and prejudices 
against Christianity ; and I could not but hope, the God of all 
grace was preparing their minds to receive '^ the truth, as it is 
m Jesus.^* If this may be the happy consequence, I shall not 
only rejoice in my past labours and fatigues, but shall, I trust, 
also " be willing to spend and be spent," if I may thereby be 
instrumental ^^ to turn them from darkness to light, and nom 
the power of Satan to Gx)d." 

" Thus, Sir, I have given you a faithful account of what has 
been most considerable respecting my mission among the In- 
dians ; in which I have studied all convenient brevity. I shaU 
only now take leave to add a word or two respecting the 
culties that attend the Christianizing of these poor Pagans. 

**' In the first place, their minds are filled with prejudices 
against Christianity, on account of the vicious lives, and unchris^ 
iian behaviour of some that are called Christians. These not 
only set before them the worst examples, but some of them take 
pains, expressly in words, to dissuade them from becoming 
Christians ; foreseeing, that if these should be converted to 
God, "the hope of their unlawful gain," would thereby be lost. 

" Again, these poor Heathens are extremely attached to the 
customs, traditions, and fabulous notions of their fathers. And 
this one seems to be the foundation of all their other notions, 
viz. that " it was not the same God made them, who made the 
white people," but another, who commanded them to live by 
hunting, &c. and not to conform to the customs of the white 
people. Hence, when they are desired to become Christians^ 
they frequently reply, that " they wiH live as their fathers lived, 
and go to their fathers when they die." And if the miracles of 
Christ and his apostles be mentioned, to prove the truth of 
Christianity, they also mention sundry miracles, which their 
fathers have told them were anciently wrought among the In- 
dians, and which Satan makes them believe were so*. They are 
much attached to idolatry \ frequently making feasts, which they 
eat in honourto %om^ unknown beings, who, they suppose, speas 



10 <h.oxn in dreams; promising them success in hunting, and other 

^^ii^, in case they will sacrifice to them. They oftentimes, also, 

o»fer their sacrifices to the spirits of the dead ; who, they suppose, 

^'^^^d in need of favours from the living, and yet are in such a 

^te as that they can well reward all the offices of kindness 

^^t are shown them. And they impute all their calamities to 

^^^ neglect of these sacrifices. 

^ Furthermore, they are much awed by those among them- 
^Ives, who are called powwows^ who are supposed to have a 
P^^er of enchanting, or poisoning them to death, or, at least, . 
1^ a very distressing manner. And they apprehend, it would 
^ their sad fate to be thus enchanted, in case they should be- 
come Christians. 

"Lastly, the manner of their living is likewise a great disad- 
vantage to the design of their being Christianized. They are 
almost continually roving from place to place ; and it is but 
rare, that an opportunity can be had with some of them for their 
instruction. There is scarce anv time of the year, wherein the 
men can be found generally at nome, except about six weeks 
before, and in the season of planting their corn, and about two 
months in the latter part of summer, from the time they^begin 
to roast their corn, until it is fit to gather in. 

^^ As to the hardships that necessarily attend a mission among 
them, the fatigues of frequent journeying in the wilderness, the 
unpleasantness of a mean and hard way^'of living, and the great 
difficulty of addressing^' a people of a strange language,^' these 
I shall, at present, pass over in silence ; designing what I have 
already said of difficulties attending this work, not for the dis- 
couragement of any, but rather for the incitement of all who 
** love the appearing of the kingdom of Christ," to fi-equent the 
throne of grace with earnest supplications, that the Heathen, 
who were anciently promised to Christ " for his inheritance," 
may now actually and speedily be brought into his kingdom of 
grace, and made heirs of immortal glory. 

^^Jam, Sir, 

" Your obedient^ humble servant >» 

"David Brainerb." 

The same day^ Nov, 5, he set out on a journey to New York, 
to the meeting of the Presbytery there ; and was from home 
mare than a fortnight. He seemed to enter on this journey 
with great reluctance ; fearing that the diversions of it would 
prove a means of cooling his religious affections, a3 he had 
found in other journeys. Yet, in this journey, he had some 
special seasons wherein he enjoyed extraordinary evidences 
and fixiits of God's gracious presence. He was greatly fatigued, 
and exposed to cold and storms ; and when he returned from 


New York to New Jersey, on Friday was taken very ill, and 
was detained by his illness some time. 

Nov. 21. " Rode from Newark to Rockciticus in the cold, 
and was almost overcome with it. Enjoyed some sweetness in 
conversation with dear Mr. Jones, while I dined with him. My 
soul loves the people of God, and especially the ministers m 
Jesus Christ, who feel the same trials that I do. 

Nov. 32. " Came on my way from Rockciticus to the Dela- 
ware. Was very much disordered with a cold and pain in my 
head. About six at night, I lost my way in the wilderness, and 
wandered over rocks ^ - mountains, down hideous steeps, 
throuffb swamps, and X' M dreadful and dancerous places ; 
and, me night being dsxu, io that few stars could be seen, I was 
greatly exposed. 1 was much pinched with cold, and distressed 
with an extreme pain in my head, attended with sickness at my 
stomach -, so that every step I took was distressing to me. i 
had little hope for several hours together, but that I must lie 
out in the woods all night, in this distressed case. But about 
nine o^clock, I found a house, through the abundant goodness 
of God, and was kindly entertained. 'Thus I have frequently 
been e:(posed, and sometimes lain out the whole nijght: but 
God has hitherto preserved me ; and blessed be his name, 
Such fatigues and hardships as these serve to wean me from 
the earth ; and, I trust, will make heaven the sweeter. For< 
merly, when I was thus exposed to cold, rain, &c, I Was 
ready to please myself with the thoughts of enjoying a com? 
fortable house, a warm fire, and other outward comforts ; but 
now these have less place in my heart, (through the ^ace of 
God,) and my eye is more to God for comfort. In this world 
I expect tribulation ; and it does not now, as formerly, appear 
strange to me. I do not in such seasons of difficulty flatter 
myself that it will be better hereafter; but rather think how 
much worse it might be ; how much greater trials others of 
God's children have endured ; and how much greater are yet 
perhcms reserved for me. Blessed be God, that he makes the 
thougnts of my journey's end, and of my dissolution, a great 
comfort to me, under my sharpest trials ; and scarce ever lets 
these thoughts be attended with terror or melancholy ; but they 
9xe attended frequently with great joy, 

Nov. 28, J^ Visited a sick man ; discoursed and prayed with 
fiim. Then visited another house, where one was dead and 
laid out ; looked on the corpse, and longed that my time might 
come to depart^ that I might be with Christ. Then went 
heme to my lodgings, about one o'clock. Felt poorly 5 but 
was able to read, most of the afternoon,'* 


Within the ^ace of the next twelve day 8^ he passed under 
many changes in the frames and exercises of his mind. He 
had many seasons of the special influences of God^s Spirit, 
animating, invigorating, and comforting him in the ways of 
God and the duties of reUgion : but had some turns of great 
dejection and melancholy. He spent much time, within this 
space, in hard labour, with others, to make for himself a little 
cottage or hut, to live in by himself thrcMigii the winter. Yet 
he frequently preached to the Indians, imd speaks of special 
assistance which he had formed from time to time, in address^ 
ing himself to them ; and of his som^mes having considera- 
ble encouragement from the atter ^- jb which they gave. But 
on Tuesday^ December 4, he wa&- mfe into great discourage- 
ment, to see most of them going in, Company to an idolatrous 
fea^t and dance^ after he had taken abundant pains to dissuade 
them from these things. 

Dec. 6. " Having now a happy opportunity of being retired 
in a house of my own, which I have lately procured and 
moved into; considering that it is now a long^ time since I 
have been able, either on account of bodily weakness, or for 
want of retirement, or some other difficulty to spend any time 
in secret fasting and prayer ; considering also the greatness of 
my work, the extreme difficulties that attend it, and that mv 
poor Indians are now worshipping devils^ notwithsteuiding all 
the pains I have taken with them, which almost overwhelms my 
spirit ; inoreover, considering my extreme barrenness, spiritual 
deadness and dejection, of late ; as also the power of some 
particular corruptions ; I set apart this day for secret prayer 
and fasting, to implore the blessing of God on myself, on my 
poor people, on my friends, and on the church of God. At 
first, 1 felt a great backwardness to the duties of the day, on 
account of the seeming impossibility of performing them ; but 
the Lord helped me to break through this difficulty. God was 
pleased by the use of means, to give me some clear conviction 
of my sinfulness, and a discovery of the plague of my own 
heart J more affecting than what I have of late had. And espe- 
cially I saw my sinfulness in this, that when God had with- 
drawn himself, then, instead of living and dying in pursuit of 
liim, I have been disposed to one of these two things ; either, 
Jbrst^ to yield an unbecoming respect to some eartUy objects, 
as if happiness were to be derived from them ; or, secondly^ to 
be Hecieilyfroward and impatient, and unsuitably desirous of 
deaths so that I have sooAetimes thought I could not .bear to 
think that my life must be lengthened out. That which often 
drove me to this impatient desire of death, was a despair of 
doing any good in life ; and I chose death rather than a life 
spent for nothing. Sut now God m«de me sensible of my sin 


in these things, and enabled me to cry to him iox forgiveness. 
Yet this was not all which I wanted, for my soul appeared ex- 
ceedingly polluted, my heart seemed like a nest of vipers, or a 
cage of unclean and hateful birds ; and therefore I wanted to 
be purified ^^ by the blood of sprinkling, that cleanseth from all 
sin." This, I hope, I was enabled to pray for in faith. I en- 
joyed much more intenseness, fervency, and spirituality, than I 
expected; God was better to me than my fears. Towards 
night, I felt my soul rejoice, that God is unchangeably happy 
and glorious ; and that he will be glorified, whatever becomes 
of his creatures. I was enabled to persevere in prayer, until 
sometime in the evening : at which time 1 saw so much need 
of divine help, in every respect, that I knew not how to leave 
off, and had forgot that I needed food. This evening, I was 
much assisted in meditating on Is. Hi. 3. For thus sceith the 
Lordt ye have sold yourselves for nought^ &c. Blessed be the 
Lord ior any help m the past day. 

Dec. 7. ^^ Spent some time in prayer, in the morning ; en- 
joyed some fi-eedom and affection in the duty, and had long- 
ing desires of being ^^ made faithful to death." Spent a little 
time in writing on a divine subject : then visited me Indians, 
and preached to them ; but under inexpressible dejection. I 
had no heart to speak to them, and could not do it, but as 1 
forced myself: I knew they must hate to hear me, as having 
but just got home from theu- idolatrous feast and devil-worship. 
— In the evening, had some freedom in prayer and medita- 

Dec, 8. " Have been uncommonly free this day from de- 
jection, and from that distressing apprehension, that I could do 
nothing ; was enabled to pray and study with some comfort ; 
and especially was assisted in writing on a divine subject. In 
the evening, my soul rejoiced in God ; and I blessed his name 
for shining on my soul. O, the sweet and blessed change I 
then felt, when God " brought me out of darkness into his 
marvellous light !" 

Lords day^ Dec. 9. " Preached, both parts of the day, at a 
place called Greenwich^ in New Jersey, about ten miles froni 
my own house. In the first discourse I had scarce any warmth 
or affectionate longing for souls. In the intermediate season 1 
got alone among the bushes, and cried to God for pardon of 
my deadness ; and was in anguish and bitterness, that I could 
not address souls with more compassion and tender affection. 
I judged and condemned myself for want of this divine temper; 
t^ot^h I saw I could not get it as of myself, any more than I 
could make a world. In the latter exercise, blessed be the 
Lord, I had some fervency, both in prayer and preaching ; and 
especially in the application of my discourse, I was enabled to 
address precious souls with affection, concern, tenderness, and 


importunity. The spirit of God, I think, was there ; as the ef- 
fects were apparent, tears running down many cheeks. 

jpcc. 10. " Near noon, I preached again : God gave me some 
assistance, and enabled me to be in some degree faithful ; so 
that I had peace in my own soul, and a very comfortable com- 
posure, " although Israel should not be gathered." Came 
away from Greenwich and rode home ; arrived just in the even- 
ing. By the way my soul blessed God for his goodness ; and 
I rejoiced, that so much of my work was done, and I so much 
nearer my blessed reward. Blessed be God for grace to be 

Dec. 11. " Felt very poorly in body, being much tired and 
worn out the last night. Was assisted in some measure in 
writing on a divine subject : but was so feeble and sore in my 
breast, that I had not much resolution in my work. O, how 
I long for that world " where the weary are at rest !" and yet 
through the goodness of God I do not now feel impatient. 

Dec. 12. " Was again very weak ; but somewhat assisted in 
secret prayer, and enabled with pleasure and sweetness to ciy^ 
*' Come, Lord Jesus ! come. Lord Jesus ! come quickly." My 
soul " longed for God, for the living God." O, how delightful it 
is to pray under such sweet influences ! O, how much better is 
this, than one's necessary food ! I had at this time no disposition 
to eat, (though late in the morning ;) for earthly food appeared 
wholly tasteless. O how much " better is thy love than wine," 
than the sweetest wine ! — I visited and preached to the Indians,. 
in the afternoon ; but under much dejection* Found my Inter- 
prefer under some concern for his soul ; which was some com- 
fort to me ; and yet filled me with new care. I longed greatly 
for his conversion ; lifted up my heart to God for it, while I was 
talking to him ; came home, and poured out my soul to God 
for him ; enjoyed some freedom in prayer, and was enabled, I 
think, to leave all with God. 

Dec. 13. " Endeavoured to spend the day in fasting and 
prayer, to implore the divine blessing, more especially on my 
poor people ; and in particular, I sought for converting grace 
for my Interpreter^ and three or four more under some concern 
for their souls. I was much disordered in the morning when I 
arose ; but having determined to spend the day in this manner, 
I attempted it. Some freedom I had in pleading for these 
poor concerned souls, several times ; and when mterceding 
for them, I enjoyed greater freedom from wandering an4 dis- 
tracting thoughts, than in any part of my supplications. Buty 
in the general, I was greatly exercised with wanderings ; so that 
in the evening it seemed as if I had need to pray for nothing 
so much as for the pardon of sins committed in the day past^ 
and the vileness I then found in myself. The sins I had most 
sense of, were pride, and wandering thoughts, whereby \ 


mocked God. The fonner of these cursed iniquities excited me 
to think of writing, preaching, or converting heathens, or per- 
forming some other great work, that my name might live wnen 
I should be dead. My soul was in anguish, and ready to drop 
into despair, to find so much of that cursed temper^ With this< 
and the other evil I laboured under, viz. wandering thoughts, 1 
was almost overwhelmed, and even ready to give over striying 
after a spirit of devotion ; and oftentimes sunk into a consider- 
able degree of despondency^ and thought I was ** mote bmtish 
than any man.^^ Yet after all nnr sonows, I trust, through 
grace, this day and the exercises of it have been for my good^ 
and taught me more of my corruption, and weakness wimout 
Christ, than I knew before. 

Dec. 14. '^ Near noon, went to the Indians ; but knew not 
what to say to them, and was ashamed to look them m the 
face. I felt that I had no power to address their consciences^ 
and therefore had no boldness to say any thing. Was, mach 
of the day, in a degree of despair about ever ^^ doing or seeing 
any good in the land of the living.^^ 

He continued under the same dejection the next day^ 

Lord'^s datfi Dec. 16. " Was so overwhelmed With dejeC^ 
tion, that I knew not how to livCr I longed for death exceed- 
ingly : my soul was sunk into deep waters^ and thelioods were 
ready to drown me. I was so much oppressed, tnat my soul 
was in a kind of horror ; could not keep my thoughts fixed in 
prayer, for the space of one minute, without fluttering anil 
distraction ; and was exceedingly ashamed, that I did not live 
to God. I had no distressing doubt about my own state ; but 
would have cheerfully ventured (as far as I cotild possibly 
know) into eternity. While I was going to preach to the In- 
dians, my soul was in anguish ; I was so overborne with dis- 
couragement, that I despaired of doing any good, and was 
driven to my wit*s-end ; I knew nothing what to say, nor what 
course to take^ But at last I insisted on the evidence we have 
of the truth of Christianity from the miracles of Christ ^ many 
of which I set before them : and God helped me to make a 
close application to those who refused to believe the truth of 
what I taught them. Indeed, I was enabled to speak to thcf 
consciences of all, in some measure, and was somewhat en- 
couraged, to find that God enabled me to be faithfial once 
more. Then came and preached to another company of 
them ; but was very weary and faint. In the evening, I wasf 
refreshed, and enabled to pray and praise God with composure 
and affection ; had some enlargement and courage with res- 
pect to my work ; was willing to live, and longed to do more 
for God than my weak state of body would admit of. " I can 


tic all things through Christ that strengthens me r and by his 

f-ace, I am willing to spend and be spent in his service, when 
am not thus sunk in dejection, and a kind of despair. 

Dec. 17. ^' Was comfortable in mind, most of the day ; was 
enabled to pray with some freedom, cheerfulness, composure, 
and devotion ; and had also some assistance in writing on a 
divine subject. 

Dec. 18. *'Went to the Indians, and discoursed to them 
near an hour, without any power to come close to their hearts. 
&ut at last I felt some fervency, and God helped me to speak 
with warmth. My Interpreter also was amazingly assisted ; 
and I doubt not but that '* the Spirit of God wasoipon him ;^^ 
though I had no reason to think he had any true and saving grace, 
but was only under conviction of his lost state ; and presently 
Upon this most of the grown persons were much affected, and 
the tears ran down their cheeks. One old ?nan^ I suppose an 
hundred years old, was so much affected, that he wept, and 
seemed convinced of the importance of what I taught them. 
I staid with them a considerable time, exhorting and directing 
them ; and came away, lifting up my heart to God in prayer 
and praise, and encouraged and exhorted my Interpreter to 
^ strive to enter in at the strait gate.^' Came home, sind spent 
most of the evening in prayer and thanksgiving ; and found 
ttyself much enlarged and quickened. Was greatly concerned, 
that the Lord^s work which seemed to be begun, might be 
carried on with .power, to the conversion of poor souls, and 
the fflory of divine grace. 

Xtec. 19. " Spent a great part of the day in prayer to God, 
for the outpouring of his Spirit on my poor people ; as, also, to 
bless his name for awakenmg my Interpreter and some others, 
BJtid giving us some tokens of his presence yesterday. And 
blessed be God, I had much freedom, five or six times in the 
da^, in prayer and praise, and felt a weighty concern upon my 
spirit for the salvation of those precious souls, and the enlarge- 
ment of the Redeemer's kingdom among them. My soul hoped 
in God for some success in my ministry : and blessed be his 
name for so much hope. 

Dec. 20. " Was enabled to visit the throne of grace frequent 
ly this day ; and through divine goodness enjoyed much freedom 
and fervency, sundry times : was much assisted in crying for 
mercy for my poor people, and felt cheerfulness and nope in 
nay requests for them. I spent much of the day in writing ; but 
Was enabled to intermix prayer with my studies. 

Dec. 21. " Was enabled again to pray with freedom, cheer- 
fulness, and hope. God was pleased to make the duty com- 
fortable and pleasant to me ; so that I delighted to persevere^ 
Tflid repeatedly to engage in it. Towards noon, visited my 
people, and spent the whole time in the way to them in prayer^ 

Vol. X. 23 


longing to sec the power of God. among them, as ther6 ap' 
peared something of it the last Tuesday ; and I found it sweet 
to rest and hope in God. Preached to them twice, and at twa 
distinct places : had considerable freedom each time, and- so 
had my Interpreter. Several of them followed me from one 
place to the other : and I thought there was some divine influ- 
ence discernible amongst them. In the evening, was assisted 
in prayer again. Blessed be the LordP'* 

Very much the same things are expressed concerning his in-> 
ward frame, exercises, and assistances on Saturday^ as on the 
precedingdays.- He observes, that this was a comfortable week 
to him*, J3ut then concludes, ^^ Oh that I had no reason to com-' 
plain of much barrenness ! Oh that there were no vain thoughts 
and evil affections lodged within me ! The Lord knows how I 
long for that world, where they rest day nor night saying, Hofy, 
holtf^ holy is the Lord God A Imtghty P'* On the following Sa6&at& 
be speaks of assistance and freedom in his public work, but as 
having less of the sensible presence of God, than fre(|uently in 
the week past ; but yet says his soul was kept from smking in 
discouragement. On Monday y again, he seemed to enjoy venF 
much the same liberty and fervency, through the day, which 
he enjoyed through the greater part of the preceding week.^ — 
This day, he wrote the following letter to one of his intimate 
friends, a clergyman in New Jersey. 

'-Forks of Delaware, Dee. 24, 1744. 

" Rev. and Dear Brother, 

" I have little to say to you about spiritual joys, and those 
blessed refreshments and divine consolations, with which I have 
been much favoured in times past ; but this I can tell you, that 
if I gain experience in no other point, yet I am sure I do in 
this, viz. that the present world has nothing in it to satisfy an 
immortal soul ; and hence, that it is not to be desired for itself, 
but only because God may be seen and served in it. I wish I 
could be more patient and willine to live in it for this 67t^, than 
I can usually find myself to be. It is no virtue, I know, to de- 
sire death, only to be freed from the miseries of life ; but I want 
that divine hope which you observed, when I saw you last, was 
the very sinews of vital religion. Earth can do us no good, and 
if there be no hope of our doing good on earth, how can we 
desire to live in it ? Yet we ought to desire, or at least to be 
resigned to tarry in it ; because it is the will of our all-wise 
Sovereign. But, perhaps, these thoughts will appear melan- 
choly and gloomy, and, consequently, will be very undesirable 


t5 you ; and, therefore, I forbear to add, I wish you may not 
read them in the same circumstances in which I write them. I 
have a little more to do and suffer in a dark, disconsolate 
world ; and then I hope to be as nappy as you are. — I should 
ask you to pray for me, were I worth your concern. May the 
Lord enable us both to '^ endure hardness as good soldiers of 
Jesus Christ ;" and may we " obtain mercy of God to be faith- 
ful to the death," in the discharge of our respective trusts ! 
" I am your very unworthy brother, 
** And humble servant, 

"David Brainerd.'' 

Dec. 25. " Enjoyed very little quiet sleep last night, by rea- 
son of bodily weakness, and the closeness of my studies yes- 
terday ; yet my heart was somewhat lively in prayer and praise. 
I was delighted with the divine glory and happiness, and re- 
joiced that God was God, and that he was unchangeably pos- 
sessed of glory and blessedness. Though God held my eyes 
toaJfctn^, yet he helped me to improve my time profitably amidst 
mj pains and weakness, in continued meditations on Luke 
xiii. 7. Behold^ these three years I come seeking fruity &c. My 
meditations were sweet ; and I wanted to set before sinners 
their sin and danger.'' 

He continued in a very ]ow state, as to his bodily health, for 
^omedays^ which seems to have been a great hinderance to him 
in his religious exercises and pursuits. But yet he expresses 
some degree of divine assistance, from day to day, through the 
renuminspart of this week. He preached several times this 
week to his Indians ; and there appeared still some concern 
amongst them for their souls. On Saturday^ he rode to the 
bish settlement, about fifteen miles from his lodgings^ in order 
to spend the Sabbath there. 

hordes day^ Dec. 30. ^^ Discoursed, both parts of the day, 
from Mark viii. 34. Whosoever will come after me, (&c. God 
gave me very great freedom and clearness, and in the afternoon 
especiallV) considerable warmth and fervency. In the evening 
also, had very great clearness while conversing with friends on 
divine things. I do not remember ever to have had more clear 
apprehensions of religion in my life ; but found a struggle in 
the evening with spiritual pride.'' 

On Monday^ he preached again in the same place with free- 
dom and fervency ; and rode home to his lodging, and arrived 
in the evening, under a considerable degree of podiljr illness, 
which continued the two next days^ so that he complains much 
of spiritual emptiness and barrenness on those days. 


Jan. 3, 1745. ^' Being sensible of the great want of divine-^ 
influence, and the outpouring of God^s Spirit, I spent this ds^-*? 
in fasting and prayer, to seek so great a mercy for myself, mjr^ 
poor people in particular, and the church of God in gencvaL^ 
In the morning, was very lifeless in prayer, and could ge^K 
^carcely any sense of God. Near noon, enjoyed some sweeC' 
freedom to pray that the will of God might in every respecft 
become mine ; and I am persuaded, it was so at that time ic 
some good degree. In the afternoon, I was exceedingly weak, 
and could not enjoy much fervency in prayer ; but felt a great 
degree of dejection ; which, I believe, was very much owing to 
my bodily weakness and disorder. 

Jan. 4. ^^ Rode up to the Indians, near noon; spent some 
time under great disorder : my soul was sunk down into deef 
waters^ and 1 was almost overwhelmed with melancholy. 

Jan. 5. ^^ Was able to do something at vrritinff; but was 
much disordered with pain in mv head. At night, was dift^ 
tressed with a sense of my spiritual pollution, and ten thousand 
youthful, yea, and childish tollies, that nobody but myself had 
any thought about ; aH which appeared to me now fredi, and 
in a lively view, as if committed yesterday, and made aiy soul 
ashamed before God, and caused me to hate myself. 

Lord^s day^ Jan. 6. ^^ Was still distressed with vapoury dis^ 
orders. Preached to my poor Indians : but had little heart or 
life. Towards night, my soul was pressed under a sense of my 
unfaithfulness. O the joy and peace that arise from a sense 
of " having obtained mercy of God to be faithful P* And O 
the misery and anguish that spring from an apprehension of the 
contrary !" 

His dejection continued the two next days ; but not to so 
great a degree on Tuesday^ when he enjoyed some freedom 
and fervency in preaching to the Indians. 

Jan. 9. ^^ In the morning, God was pleased to remove that 

Sloom which has of late oppressed my mind, and gave me free* 
om and sweetness in prayer. I was encouraged, strengthened, 
and enabled to plead for grace for myself, and mercy for my 
poor Indians ; and was sweetly assisted in my intercessions with 
God for others. Blessed be his holy name for ever and ever* 
Amen, and Amen. Those things that of late appeared 
most difiicult and almost impossible, now appeared not only 
possible, but easy. My soul was much delighted to continue 
mstant in prayer, at this blessed season, that I had no desire for 
my necessary food : even dreaded leaving off praying at all, 
lest I should lose this spirituality, and this blessed thankftilness 
to God which I then felt, I felt now quite willing to live, and 
tindergo all trials that might remain for me in a world of sor* 


row : but still longed fcur heaven, that I might glorify God in 
« perfect manner. O *^c<Hne, Lord Jesus^ come quickly .^^ 
Spent the day in reading a little ; and in some diversions, 
wnich I was necessitated to take by reason of much weakness 
and disorder. In the evening, enjoyed some freedom and 
intenseness in prayer.^^ 

The three remaining days of the week., he was very low and 
feeble in body ; but nevertheless continued constantly in the 
same comfortable sweet frame of mind, as is expressed on 
Wednesday. On the Sabbath^ this sweetness in spiritual 
alacrity began to abate ; but still he enjoyed some degree of 
comfort, and had assistance in preaching to the Indians. 

Jem. 14. ^^ Spent this day under a great degree of bodily 
weakness and disorder ; had very little freedom, either in my 
studies or devotions ; and in the evening, I was much dejected 
and melancholy. It pains and distresses me, that I hve so 
much of my time for nothing. I long to do much in a little 
time ; and if it might be the Lord's will to finish m^ work 
ipeecUy in this tiresome world, I am sure, I do not desire to 
"live for any thing in this world ; and through grace I am not 
afraid to look the king of terrors in the face : I know that I 
shall be afraid if God leaves me ; and therefore I think it 
always my duty to provide for that solemn hour. But for a 
very considerable time past, my soul has rejoiced to think of 
death in its nearest approaches, and even when I have been 
veiy weak, and seemed nearest eternity. ^^ Not unto me, not 
unto me, but to God be the glory.'' I feel that which con- 
vinces me, that if God do not enable me to maintain a holy, 
dependence upon him, death will easily be a terror to me ; but 
at present, I must say, ^' I Ions to depart, and to be with 
Christ," which is the best of all. When I am in a sweet re- 
sided frame of soul, I am willing to tarry awhile in a world 
of scHTOw. I am willing to be from home as long as God sees 
fit it should be so ; but when I want the influence of this tem- 

£»*, I am then apt to be impatient to be gone. — O, when will 
e day appear, that I shall be perfect in holiness, and in the 
enjoyment of God !" 

The next day was spent under a great degree of dejection 
and melancholy ; which, as he himself was persuaded, was 
owing piartly to bodily weakness, and vapoury disorders. 

Jan. 16 and 17. ^^ I spent most of the time in writing on a 
Bweet divine subject, and enjoyed some freedom and assistance. 
Was likewise enabled to pray more frequently and fervently 
than usual ; and my soul, I think, rejoiced in God ; especially 


on the evening of the last of these days. Praise then seemed 
comely^ and I delighted to bless the Lord. O what reason have 
1 to be thankfol, that Grod ever helps me to labour and study 
for him ! he does but receive his own, when I am enabled in any 
measure to praise him, labour for him, and live to him. O, 
how comfortable and sweet it is, to feel the assistance of divine 
grace in the performance of the duties which God has enjoined 
on us ! Bless the Lardy O my soul P^ 

The same enlargement of heart, and joyful frame of soul, 
continued through the next day. But on the day following it 
began to decline ; which decay seems to have continued the 
whole of the next week : yet he enjoyed some seasons of spe- 
cial and sweet assistance. 

Lord'^s day, Jan. 27. ^ Had the greatest degree of inward 
anguish, which I almost ever endured. I was perfectly over-- 
whelmed, and so confused, that after 1 began to discoiurse to 
the Indians, before I could finish a sentence, sometimes I forgot 
entirely what I was aiming at ; or if, with much difficulty, I 
had recollected what I had before designed, ftill it appeared- 
strange, and like something I had long forgotten, and had now 
but an imperfect remembrance of. I know it was a degree of 
distraction, occasioned by vapoury disorders, melanchcdr, 
spiritual desertion, and some other things that particularly 
pressed upon me this morning, with an uncommon weight, the 
principal of which respected my Indians. This distressing 
gloom never went off the whole day ; but was so far removed, 
that I was enabled to speak with seme freedom and concern to 
the Indians, at two of their settlements ; and I think, there 
was some appearance of the presence of God with us, some 
seriousness and seeming concern among the Indians, at least a 
few of them. In the evening, this gloom continued still, till 
family prayer,* about nine o'clock, and almost through this, 
until I came near the close, when I was praying, as I usually 
do, for the illumination and conversion of my poor people ; 
and then the cloud was scattered, so that I enjoyed sweetness 
and freedom, and conceived hopes, that God designed mercy 
for some of them. The same I enjoyed afterwards in secret 
prayer ; in which precious duty I had for a considerable time 
sweetness and freedom, and, I hope, faith, in praying for myself, 
my poor Indians, and dear friends and acquaintance in New- 
England, and elsewhere, and for the dear interests of Zion in 
general. Bless the Lord, O my soul^ and forget not all his 

* Thoug^h Brainerd now dwelt by himBelf in the forementioned litUe cot- 
tage« which he had built for his own use ; yet that was near to p. fynxulj of 
white people, with whom he had lired before, and with whom he still attended 
family prayer. 


tie spent the rest of this week^ or, at least, the most of it, 
under dejection and melancholy ; which, on Friday^ rose to an 
extreme height ; he being then, as he himself obser\'es, much 
exercised with vapoury disorders. This exceeding gloominess 
continued on Saturday, till the evening, when he was again 
relieved in family prayer ; and after it, was refreshed in secret, 
and felt willing to live, and endure hardships in the cause of 
God ; and found his hopes of the advancement of Christ^s 
kingdom, as also his hopes to see the power of God among the 
poor Indians, considerably raised. 

Lord'*s day^ Feb. 3. ^^ In the morning, I was somewhat re- 
lieved of that gloom and confusion, with which my mind has 
of late been greatly exercised ; and was enabled to pray with 
some composure and comfort. Still 1 went to my Indians 
trembling ; for my soul " remembered the wormwood and the 
gair^ of Friday last. I was greatly afraid that I should be 
obliged again to drink of that cup of tremblings which was in* 
conceivably more bitter than death, and made me long for the 
grave more, unspeakably more, than for hid treasures, yea, in- 
conceivably more than the men of this world long for such 
treasures. But God waa pleased to hear my cries, and to afford 
me great assistance ; so that I felt peace in my own soul ; and 
was satisfied, that if not one of the Indians should be profited 
by my preaching, but should all be damned, yet I should be 
accepted and rewarded as faithful ; for I am persuaded, God 
enabled me to be so. — Had some good degree of help after- 
wards, at another place ; and much longed for the conversion 
of the poor Indians. Was somewhat refreshed, and comforta- 
ble, towards night and in the evening. Oh, that my soul might 
praise the Lord for his goodness !— Enjoyed some freedom, in 
the evening, in meditation on Luke xiii. ^. Strive to enter in 
ai the strmtgate^ &c.^^ 

In the three next days^ he was the subject of much dejection : 
but the three remaining days of the week, seem to have been 
spent with much composure and comfort. On the next Sabbathy 
he preached at Greenwich, in New Jersey. In the evening, he 
rode eight miles to visit a sick man at the point of death, and 
found him speechless and senseless. 

Feb. 11. « About break of day, the sick man died. I was 
affected at the sight ; spent the morning with the mourners ; and, 
after prayer and some discourse with them, returned to Green- 
wich, and preached again from Ps. Ixxxix. 15. Blessed is the 
people that know^ &c. The Lord gave me assistance ; I felt a 
sweet love to souls, and to the kingdom of Christ ; and longed 
that poor sinners might know the joyful sound. Several persons 


were much affected. After meeting, I was enabled to discourge, 
with freedom and concern, to some persons, who applied to me 
mider spiritual trouble. Left the place, sweetly composed, and 
rode home to my house about eight miles distant Discoursed to 
friends, and inculcated divme truths upon some. In the evening, 
was in the most solemn frame, which I almost ever remember 
to have experienced. I know not that ever death appeared 
more real to me, or that ever I saw myself in the condition of a 
dead corpse, laid out, and dressed for a lodsing in the silent 
grave, so evidently as at this time. And yet I felt exceedingly 
tranquil ; my mind was composed and calm, and death appeared 
without a sting. I think, I never felt such an universal mortifi-' 
cation to all created objects as now. O, how great and ^lenm 
a thing it appeared to die ! O, how it lays the greatest honour 
in the dust ! And O^ how vain and trifling did the riches, fao*" 
nours, and pleasures of the world appear ! I could not, I dare 
not, so much as think of any of them ; for deaths deaths solemn 
(though not frightfril) death appeared at the door. O, I could 
see myself dead, and laid out, and inclosed in my coflbti, and 
put down into the cold grave, with the greatest solemnity, but 
without terror ! I spent most of the evening in conversing 
with a dear Christian friend ; and blessed be God, it was a com- 
fortable evening to us both. What are friends ? What are com- 
forts? What are sorrows ? What are distresses ? — ^^ The time is 
short. It remains, that they which weep, be as though they 
wept not ; and they which rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; 
for the fashion of this world passeth away* Oh come, Lord 
Jesus, come quickly. Amen." — Blessed be God for the com^ 
forts of the past day. 

Feb, 12. " Was exceedingly weak ; but in a sweet, resigned^ 
composed frame, most of the day : felt my heart freely go forth 
after God in prayer. 

Feb. 13. " W as much exercised with vapoury disorders, but. 
still enabled to maintain solemnity, and, I think, spirituality. 

Feb, 14. " Spent the day in writing on a divine subject y 
enjoyed health and freedom in my work ; and had a solemim 
sense of death, as I have indeed had every day this week, in 
some measure. What I felt on Monday last, has been abiding^ 
in some considerable degree, ever since. 

Feb. 15. " Was engaged in writing again almost the whole 
day. In the evenings was much assisted in meditating on that 
precious text, John vii. 37. Jesus stood and cried^ &c. I had 
then a sweet sense of the free grace of the gospel ; my soul was 
encouraged, warmed and quickened. My desires were drawn 
out after God in prayer ; and my soul was watchful, afraid of 
losing so sweet a guest as I then entertained. I continued long 
in prayer and meditation, intermixing one with the other j 
^nd was unwilling to be diverted by any thing at all from so 


sweet an exercise. I longed to proclaim the grace 1 then medi- 
tated upon, to the world of sinners. — O how quick and powerful 
is the word of the blessed God." 

The next day^ he complains of great conflicts with corruption, 
and much discomposure of mind. 

Lord'^8 dayy Feb. 17. " Preached to the white people, my In- 
terpreter being absent, in the wilderness upon the sunny side 
of a hill ; had a considerable assembly, consisting of people 
who lived, at least many of them, not less than thirty miles 
asunder ; some of them came near twenty miles. I discoursed 
to them all day, from John vii. 37. Jesus stood and cried^ say- 
^g^ ifonyman thirsty &c. In the afternoon, it pleased God to 
grant me great freedom and fervency in my discourse ; and I 
was enabled to imitate the example of Christ in the text, who 
stood and cried, — I think I was scarce ever enabled to offer the 
free grace of God to perishing sinners with more freedom and 
plainness in my life. Afterwards, I was enabled earnestly to 
invite the children of God to come renewedly, and drink of this 
fountain of the water of life, from whence they have heretofore 
derived unspeakable satisfaction. It was a very comfortable 
time to me. There were many tears in the assembly ; and I 
doubt not but that the Spirit of God was there, convincing poor 
sinners of their need of Christ. In the evening, Ifelt composed 
and comfortable, though much tired. I had some sweet sense 
of the excellency and glory of God ; my soul rejoiced that he 
was " God over all blessed for ever ;'' but was too much crowd- 
ed with company and conversation, and longed to be more 
alone with God. Oh that I could for ever bless God for the 
mercy of this day, who " answered me in the joy of my 

The remainder of this week seems to have been spent under 
a decay of this life and Joy, and in distressing conflicts with cor- 
ruption ; but not without some seasons of refreshment and com- 

hordes day^ Feb. 24. " In the morning was much perplexed. 
My Interpreter being absent, I knew not how to perform my 
work among the Indians. However, I rode to them, got a 
Dutchman to interpret for me, though he was but poorly quali- 
fied for the business. Afterwards, I came and preached to a 
few white people, from John vi. 67. Then said Jesus unto 
the twelve^ &c. Here the Lord seemed to unburden me in 
some measure, especially towards the close of my discourse : 
I felt freedom to open the love of Christ to his own dear dis- 

' ?*. . When the rest of the vforlA forsakes him, and are /or- 

VoL. X. 34 


iaken by him, that he calls them no more, he then turns to his 
own, and says, Will ye also go away ? 1 had a sense of the 
free grace of Christ to his own people, in such seasons of gene* 
ral apostacy, and when they themselves in some measure back- 
slide with the world. O the free grace of Christ, that he season- 
ably reminds his people of their danger of backsliding^ and in- 
vites them to persevere in their adherence to himself! I saw 
that backsliding souls, who seemed to be about to go away 
with the world, might return, and welcome, to him immedi' 
atdy ; without any thin^ to recommend them ; notwithstanding 
all their former backslidings. Thus my discourse was suited to 
my own soul^s case ; for, of late, I have found a great want of 
this sense and apprehension of divine grace ; and have often 
been greatly distressed in my own soul, because I did not suit- 
ably apprehend this ^^ fountain to purge away sin ;^^ and have 
been too much labouring for spiritual life, peace of conscience, 
and progressive holiness, in my own strength. Now God show- 
ed me, in some measure, the arm of all stren&th, and the fonmr 
tain of all grace. — In the evening, I felt solemn, devout and 
sweet ; resting on free grace for assistance, acceptance, and 
peace of conscience." 

Within the space of the next nine days^ ho had frequent re- 
freshing, invigorating influences of God^s Spirit ; attended with 
complaints of dulness, and with longings after spiritual life and 
holy fervency. 

Marchij, " Spent most of the day in preparing for a journey 
to New England. Spent some time in prayer, with a special 
reference to my intended journey. Was afraid I should for- 
sake the Fountain of living waters^ and attempt to derive satis- 
faction from broken cisterns^ my dear friends and acquaintance, 
with whom 1 might meet in my journey. I looked to God to 
keep me from this vanity^ as well as others. Towards night, and 
in the evening, was visited by some friends, some of whom, I 
trust, were real Christians ; who discovered an affectionate re- 
gard to me, and seemed grieved that I was about to leave 
^em ; especially as I did not expect to make any considera- 
' able stav among them, if 1 should live to return from New 
England.* O how kind has God been to me ! how has he raised 
up friends in every place where his providence has called me 1 
Friends are a great comfort; and it is God who gives them ; it 
is He who makes them friendly to me. Bless the Lord, O my 
soulj and forget not all his benefits. 

The ncoTt day, he set out on his journey ; and it was about 
five weeks before he returned. — The special design of this 

* It leems he had a design, by what afterwards appears, to remove and^lire 
among the Indians on the Susquehannah river. 


journey, he himself declares afterrv^ards, in his diar}r for March 
21, where, speaking of his conversing with a certain minister 
in New England, he says, ^^ Contrived with him how to raise 
some money among Christian friends, in order to support a 
collea^e^with me m the wilderness, (I having now spent two 
years m a" very solitary manner,) that we might be together: as 
Christ sent out his disciples two and two : and as this was the 
principal concern 1 had in view, in taking this journey, so I took 
pains m it, and hope God will succeed it, if for his glory." He 
first went into various parts of New Jersey, and visited several 
ministers there ; then went to New York ; and from thence 
into New England, going to various parts of Connecticut. He 
then returned to New Jersey, and met a number of ministers 
at Woodbridge, "who," he says, " met there to consult about 
the affairs of Christ^s kingdom, in some important articles." 
He seems, for the most part, to have been free from melancholy 
in this journey ; and many times to have had extraordinary as- 
sistance in public ministrations, and his preaching sometimes 
attended with very hopeful appearances of a good effect on the 
auditory. He also had many seasons of special comfort and 
spiritual refreshment, in conversation with ministers and 
other Christian friends, and also in meditation and prayer 
when alone. 

April 13. " Rode home to my own house at the Forks of 
Delaware ; and was enabled to remember the goodness of the 
Lord, who has now preserved me while riding full six hundred 
miles in this journey ; has kept me that none of my bones have 
been broken. Blessed be the Lord, who has preserved me in 
this tedious journey, and returned me in safety to my own 
house. Verily it is God who has upheld me, ana guarded my 

Lord^s day^ April 14. " Was disordered in body with the 
fatigues of the late journey ; but was enabled however to 
pireach to a considerable assembly of white people, gathered 
from all parts round about, with some freeaom, from Ezek. 
xxxiii. Ih As I live^ saith the Lord God^ &c. Had much 
more assistance than I expected." 

This toeek he went a journey to Philadelphia, in order to en- 
^ge the Governor to use his mterest with the chief of the Six 
Nations^ With, whom he maintained a strict friendship, that he 
would give him leave to live at Susquehannah, and instruct the 
Indians who are within theu- territories.* In his way to and 

'*' The Indians at Sasqaehannah are a mixed company of many nations, 
speaking yarioas languages, and few of them properly of the Six Nations. Bat 
yet the coantry having formerly been conquered by the Six Nations, they 
claim the land ; and fhe Snsquehannah Indians are a kind of yassals to them. 


from thence, lie lodged with Mr. Beaty, a young presbytehan 
minister. He speaks of seasons of sweet spiritual refreshment 
which he enjoyed at his lodgings. 

April 20. " Rode with Mr. Beaty to Abington, to attend 
Mr. Treat^s administration of the sacrament, according to the 
method of the church of Scotland. When we arrived^ we 
found Mr. Treat preaching ; afterwards I preached a sermon 
from Matt. v. 3. Blessed are the poor in spirit^ &c. God was 
pleased to give me great freedom and tenderness, both in prayer 
and sermon ; the assembly was sweetly melted, and scores 
were all in tears, ft w.is, as I then hoped, and was afterwards 
abundantly satisfied by conversing with them, a ^' word spoken 
in season to many weary souls." I was extremely tired, and 
my spirits much exhausted, so that I could scarcely speak loud ; 
yet I could not help rejoicing in God. 

Lord^s day^ April 21. " In the morning, was calm and com- 
posed, and had some thirstings of soul after God in secret du- 
ties, and longing desires of his presence in the sanctuary and 
at his table ; that his presence might be in the assembly ; and 
that his children might be entertained with a feast of fat 
things. — In the forenoon, Mr. Treat preached. I felt some 
aifection and tenderness during the administration of the 
ordinance. Mr. Beaty preached to the multitude abroad, who 
could not half have crowded into the meeting-hoiise. In the 
season of the communion, I had comfortable and sweet ap- 
prehensions of the blissful communion of God's people, when 
they shall meet at their Father^s table in his kingdom, in a 
state of perfection. — In the afternoon, I preached abroad to 
the whole assembly, from Rev. xiv. 4. These are they thai 
follow the Lamb^ &c. God was pleased again to give me very 
great freedom and clearness, but not so much warmth as be- 
fore. However, there was a most amazing attention in the 
whole assembly ; and, as I was informed afterwards, this was a 
sweet season to many. 

April 22. " I enjoyed some sweetness in retirement, in the 
morning. At eleven o'clock, Mr. Beaty preached, with freedom 
and life. Then I preached from John vii. 37. In the last day^ 
&c. and concluded the solemnity. Had some freedom ; but 
not equal to what I enjoyed before : yet in the prayer the Lord 
enabled me to cry, I hope with a child-like temper, with tender- 
ness and brokenness of heart. — Came home with Mr Beaty to 
his lodgings ; and spent the time, while riding, and afterwards, 
very agreeably on divine things. 

April 23. ''Left Mr. Beaty 's and returned home to the 
Forks of Delaware ; enjoyed some sweet meditations on the 
road ; and was enabled to lift up my heart to God in prayer and 



^ The two next days he speaks of much bodily disorder, but of 
some degrees of spiritual assistance and freedom. 

April 26. " Conversed with a Christian friend with some 
warmth ; and felt a spirit of mortification to the world, in a very 
great degree. Afterwards, was enabled to pray fervently, and to 
rely on God sweetly, for " all things pertaining to life and god- 
liness.^^ Just in the evening, was visited by a dear Christian 
friend, with whom I spent an hour or two in conversation, on 
the very soul of religion. There are many with whom I can 
talk about religion; but alas! I find few with whom I can 
talk religion itself; but blessed be the Lord there are some 
that love to feed on the kernel, rather than the shell. ^^ 

The next day^ he went to the Irish settlement, often be- 
fore mentioned, about fifteen miles distant ; where he spent 
the Sabbath^ and preached with some considerable assist- 

On Monday^ he returned, in a very weak state to his own 

" April 30. Was scarce able to walk about, and was obli- 
ged to betake myself to bed, much of the day ; and passed 
away the time in a very solitary manner ; being neither able 
to read, meditate, nor pray, and had none to converse with 
in that wilderness. O how heavily does time pass awav, when 
I can do nothing to any good purpose ; but seem obliged to 
trifle away precious time ! But of late, I have seen it my 
dntv to divert myself by all lawful means, that I maybe fit, 
at least some small part of my time, to labour for God. 
And here is the difference between my present diversions, 
and those I once pursued, when in a natural state. Then 
I made a god of diversions, delighted in them with a ne- 
glect of God, and drew my highest satisfaction from them. 
Now I use them as means to help me in living to God ; fix- 
edly delighting in Am, and not in them, drawing my highest 
satisfaction from him. Then they were my ml; now they 
are only means leading to my all. And those things that 
are the greatest diversion, when pursued with this view, do 
not tend to hinder, but promote my spirituality; and I sec 
now, more than ever, that they are absolutely necessary. 

May 1. " Was not able to sit up more than half the day : 
and yet I had such recruits of strength sometimes, that I was 
able to write a little on a divine subject. Was grieved that I 
could no more live to God. In the evening, had some sweet* 
ness and intenseness in secret prayer. 

May 2, " In the evening, being a little better in health, 1 


walked into the woods, and enjoyed a sweet season of medi- 
tation and prayer. My thoughts ran upon Ps. xvii. 15. 1 
shall be satisfied^ when I awdke^ with thy likeness. And it 
was indeed a precious text to me. I longed to preach to the 
whole world ; and it seemed to me, they must needs all be 
melted in hearing such precious divine truths, as I then had a 
view and relish of. My thoughts were exceeding clear, and my 

soul was refreshed. Blessed be the Lord, mat in my late 

and present weakness, now for many days together, my mind 
is not gloomy, as at some other times. 

May. 3. " Felt a little vigour of body and mind, in the 
morning ; and had some freedom, strength and sweetness in 
prayer. Rode to, and spent some time with my Indians. In 
the evening, again retiring into the woods, I enjoyed some 
sweet meditations on Isa. liii. 1. Yet it pleased the Lord to 
bruise him^ &c.'" 

The three next days were spent in much weakness of body : 
but yet he enjoyed some assistance in public and private duties: 
and seems to have remained free from melancholy. 

May 7. '^ Spent the day mainly in making preparations for 
a journey into the wilderness. Was still we&, and concerned 
how I should perform so difficult a journey. Spent some time 
in prayer for the divine blessing, airection, and protection in 
my intended journey ; but wanted bodily strength to spend the 
day in fasting and prayer." 

The next day^ he set out on his journey to the Susquehannah, 
with his interpreter. He endured great hardships and fatigues 
in his way thither through a hideous wilderness ; where, after 
having lodged one night in the open woods, he was overtaken 
vnth a northeasterly storm, in which he was almost ready to pe- 
rish. Having no manner of shelter, and not being able to make 
a fire in so great a rain, he could have no comfort if he stopt ; 
therefore he determined to go forward in hopes of meeting with 
some shelter, without which he thought it impossible to live the 
night through ; but their horses — happening to eat poison, for 
the want of other food, at a place where they lodged the night 
before — were so sick, that they could neither ride nor lead them, 
but were obliged to drive them, and travel on foot ; until, through 
the mercy of God, just at dusk, they came to a bark hut, where 
they lodged that night. After he came to the Susquehannah, he 
travelled about a hundred miles on the river, and visited many 
towns and settlements of the Indians ; saw some of seven or 
eight tribes, and preached to different nations, by different inter- 
preters. He was sometimes much discouraged, and sunk in his 



spirits, through the opposition which appeared in the Indians to 
Christianity. At other times, he was encouraged by the disposi- 
tion which some of these people manifested to hear, and willing- 
ness to be instructed. He here met with some who had formerly 
been his hearers at Kaunaumeck, and had removed hither ; who 
saw and heard him again with great joy. He spent a fortnight 
among the Indians on this river, and passed through considera- 
ble labours and hardships, frequently lodging on the ground, 
and sometimes in the open air. At length he felt extremely ill, 
as he was riding in the wilderness, being seized with an ague, 
followed with a burning fever, and extreme pains in his head 
and bowels, attended with a great evacuation of blood ; so that 
he thought he must have perished in the wilderness. But at last 
coming to an Indian trader^s hut, he got leave to stay there ; 
and though without physic or food proper for him, it pleased 
God, after about a week's distress, to relieve him so far that he 
was able to ride. He returned homewards from Juncauta, an 
island far down the river ; where was a considerable number of 
Indians, who appeared more free from prejudices against 
Christianity, than most of the other Indians. He arrived at 
the Forks of Delaware on Thursday^ May 30, after having rode 
in this journey about three hundred and forty miles. He came 
home in a very weak state, and under dejection of mind ; which 
was a great hinderance to him in religious exercises. Howe- 
ver, on the Sabbath, after having preached to the Indians, he 
preached to the white people, with some success, from Is. liii. 10. 
Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him^ cjrc, some being awakened 
by his preaching. The next day, he was much exercised for 
want of spiritual life and fervency. 

June 4. " Towards evening, was in distress for God's pre- 
sence, and a sense of divine things : withdrew myself to the 
woods, and spent near an hour in prayer and meditation ; and 
1 think, the Lord had compassion on me, and gave me some 
sense of divine things ; which was indeed refreshing and quick- 
ening to me. My soul enjoyed intenseness and freedom in 
prayer, so that it grieved me to leave the place. 

June 5, " Felt thirsting desires after God, in the morning. 
In the evening, enjoyed a precious season of retirement : was 
favoured with some clear and sweet meditations upon a sacred 
text ; divine things opened with clearness and certainty, and 
had a divine stamp upon them. My soul was also enlarged and 
refreshed in prayer ; I delighted to continue in the duty ; and 
was sweetly assisted in praying for my fellow-christians, and my 
dear brethren in the ministry. Blessed be the dear Lord for 
such enjoyments. O how sweet and precious it is, to have a 
clear apprehension and tender sense of the mystery of godH* 
ness^ of true holiness, and of likeness to the best of beings ! 


O what a blessedness it is, to be as much Hke God, as it is pos- 
sible for a creature to be like his great Creator! Lord give me 
more of thy likeness ; ^^ I shall be satisfied, when I awake, 
with it." 

June 6. " Was engaged, a considerable part of the day, in 
meditation and study on divine subjects. Enjoyed some spe- 
cial freedom, clearness, and sweetness in meditation. O how 
refreshing it is, to be enabled to improve time well !" 

The next dny^ he went a journey of near fifty miles, to Ne- 
shaminy, to assist at a sacramental occasion, to be attended at 
Mr. Beaty's meeting-house ; being invited thither by him and 
his people. 

June 8. "Was exceedingly weak and fatigued with riding 
in the heat yesterday : but being desired, I preached in the 
afternoon, to a crowded audience, fi-om Is. xl. 1. " Comfort 
ye, comfort ye my people, saithyour God." God was pleased 
to give me great freedom,*^, in opening the sorrows oi God^i 
people, and in setting before them comforting considerations. 
And, blessed be the Lord, it was a sweet melting se9.son in 
the assembly. 

Lord^s day^ June 9. " Felt some longing desires of the 
presence of God to be with his people on the solemn occasion 
of the day. In the forenoon Mr. Beaty preached ; and there 
appeared some warmth in the assembly. Afterwards, I assist- 
ed in the administration of the Lord's supper : and towards 
the close of it, I discoursed to the multitude extempore, with 
some reference to that sacred passage, Is. liii. 10. " Yet it 
pleased the Lord to bruise him." Here God gave me great as- 
sistance in addressing sinners : and the word was attended 
with amazing power ; many scores, if not hundreds, in that 
great assembly, consisting of three or four thousand, were 
much affected ; so that there was a " very great mourninff, 
like the mourning of Hadadrimmon." — In the evening, I could 
hardly look any body in the face, because of the imperifections 
I saw in my performances in the day past. 

June 10. " Preached with a good degree of clearness and 
some sweet warmth, from Psal. xvii. 15. " I shall be satisfied, 
vi^hen I awake, with thy likeness." And blessed be God, there 
was a great solemnity and attention in the assembly, and sweet 
refreshment among God's people ; as was evident then, and 

June 11. " Spent the day mainly in conversation with dear 
Christian friends; and enjoyed some sweet sense of divine 
things. O how desirable it is, to keep company with God's 
dear children ! These are the " excellent ones of the earth, in 
whom," I can truly sav, " is all my delight." O what delight 


irill it aftbrd, to meet them all in a state of perfection ! Lord, 
)repare me for that state.'^ 

The next day^ he left Mr. Beaty's and went to Maiden- 
lead, in New Jersey ; and spent the next seven days in a 
comfortable state of mind, visiting several ministers m those 

June 18. " Set out from New Brunswick with a design to 
risit some Indians at a place called Crossweeksung^ in New 
Jersey, towards the sea.* In the afternoon, came to a place 
callea Cranberry^ and meeting with a serious minister, Mr. 
Macknight, I lodged there with him. Had some enlargement 
and freedom in prayer with a number of people. 

^ Braiiterd having, when at Boston, written and left with a friend, a brief 
relation of facts touching his labours with the Indians, and reception among 
them, daring the space of time between November 5, 1744,' and June 19. 1745, 
(with a view to connect his VWerra/ive, uddressed to Mr. Pemberton, and hia 
Joumali in case they should ever be reprinted) concludes the same with this 
pasage ; '* As my body was very feeble, so my mind was scarce ever so much 
dampied and discouraged about the conversion of the Indians, as at this time. 
JUid in this state of body and mind I made my first visit to the Indians in New 
Jersey, where Qod was pleased to display his power and grace in the remarka- 
"ble manner that I have represented in my printed Journal." 

Vol. Xr '^5 


From the commencement of his residence at Crossweekswtg, . 
to the close of the first part of his Journals 

We are now come to that ^art of Braikerd^s life, when he 
had the greatest success in his labours for the good of soub, 
and in his particular business as a Missionary to the Indians. 
Long had he agonized in prayer, and travailed in birth for 
their conversion. Often had he cherished the hope of wit- 
nessing that desirable event ; only to find that hope yield to 
fear, and end in disappointment. But after a patient continu- 
ance in prayer, in labour, and in suffering, as it were throu^ a 
long night, at length he is permitted to behold the dawning of 
the day. ^' Weeping continues for a night ; but joy comes in 
the morning.^^ He went forth weeping, beanng precioas 
seed ; and now he comes rejoicing, brmgmg his sheaves with 
him. The desired event is brought to pass at last ; but at a 
time, in a place, and upon subjects, which scarcely ever entered 
into his heart. 

An account of this was originally published in his Journal ; 
consisting of extracts from his Diary during one year of his resi- 
dence at Crossweeksung. Those extracts are now incorpo- 
rated with the rest of his Diary for the same period in regular 
chronological order. 

The foTlowinff Preface, by the correspondents, introduced 
the Journal to the notice of its readers, and deserves an inser- 
tion in the present volume. 

" The design of this publication is to give God the glory of 
his distinguishing grace, and gratify the pious curiosity of 
those who are waiting and praying for that blessed time, when 
the Son of God, in a more extensive sense than has yet been 
accomplished, shall receive " the Heathen for his inheritance, 
and the uttermost parts of the earth for a possession. 

*' Whenever any of the guilty race of mankind are awakened 
to a just concern for their eternal interest, are humbled at the 
footstool of a sovereign God, and are persuaded and enabled 
to accept the offers of redeeming love, it must always be ac- 
knowledged a Wonderful work of divine grace, which demands 
oTir thankful prniscp. But doubtless it is a more affecting evi- 


dence of almighty power, a more illustrious display of sovereign 
mercy, when those are enlightened with the knowledge of sal- 
vation, who have for many ages dwelt in the grossest darkness 
and Heathenism, and are brought to a cheenul subjection to 
the government of our divine Redeemer, who from generation 
to generation had remained the voluntary slaves of ^^ the prince 
of darkness/* 

'^ This is that delightful scene which will present itself to the 

reader^s view, while he attentively peruses the following pages. 

Nothing certainlv can be more agreeable to a benevolent and 

' religious mind, than to see those that were sunk in the most de- 

S^nerate state of human nature, at once, not only renounce 
ose barbarous customs they had been inured to from their in- 
fancy, but surprisingly transformed into the character of real 
and devout Christians. 

^ This mighty change was brought about bv the plain and 
faithful preaching of me gospel, attended with an uncommon 
efiiision of the divine Spirit, under the ministry of the Reve- 
rend David Brainerd, a Missionary employed by the Honour- 
Me Society in Scotland, for propoigating Christian Know- 

^ And surely it will administer abundant matter of praise 
and ihanksgicing to that honourable body, to find that their 
generoos attempt to send the gospel among the Indian nations 
upon the borders of New Yonc, New Jersey, and Pennsylva- 
nia, ha» met with such surprising success. 

*^ It would perhaps have been more agreeable to the taste ot 
politer readers, if tfie following Journal had been cast into a 
different method, and formed into one connected narrative. 
Bat the worthy author amidst his continued labours, had no 
time to spare for such an undertaking. Besides, the pious 
reader will take a peculiar pleasure to see this work described 
in its native simphcity, and the operations of the Spirit upon 
the minds of these poor benighted Pagans, laid downjust in 
the method and order in which they happened. This, it 
most be confessed, will occasion frequent repetitions; but 
these, as they tend to give a fuller view of this amazing dis- 
pensation of divine grace in its rise and progress, we trust, will 
oe eairily fiHgiven. 

^Wten we see such numbers of the most ignorant and 
barbaioiis of mankind, in the space of a few months, ^* turned 
fimn darkness to light, and from the power of sin and Satan 
nnto God,^ it gives us encourajgement to wait and oray for that 
blessed time, idien our victorious Redeemer shall, in a more 
s^nal manner than he has yet done, display the ^ banner of 
his cross," march on from ^' conquering to conquer, till the 
kingdoms of this world are become the kingdoms of our Lord 
and of his Christ." Yea, we cannot but liflt up our heads with 



joy, and hope that it may be the dawn of that bright and illus- 
tnous day, when the Sun of Righteousness shsiil '^ arise and 
shine from one end of the earth to the other ;" when, to use 
the language of the inspired prophets, *^ the Gentiles shall 
come to his Hght, and kings to the brightness of his rising;^' 
in consequence of which, ^^ the wilderness and solitary places 
shall be glad, and the desert rejoice and blossom as the rose.*' 
^' It is doubtless the duty of all, in their different stations, 
and according to their respective capacities; to use their utr 
most endeavours to bring forward this promised, this desired 
day. There is a great want of schoolmasters among these 
christianized Indians, to instruct their youth in the EngUsh 
language^ and the principles of the christian faith — ^for this, 
as yet, there is no certain provision made ; if any are inclined 
to contribute to so good a design, we are persuaded they will 
do an acceptable service to the ^^ kingdom of the Redeemer/' 
And we earnestly desire the most indigent to join, at least, in 
their wishes and prayers, that this work may prosper more and 
more, till the " whole earth is filled with the glory of the Lord." 

" Crossweeksung^ June^ 1745. 

June 19. '^ I had spent most of my time, for more than a 
year past, amqng the Indians at the Forks of Delaware in 
Pennsylvania. During that time I made two journeys to the 
Susquehannah to treat with the Indians on that river respect- 
ing Christianity ; and, not having had any considerable ap 
pearance of special success in either of those places, my 
spirits were depressed, and I was not a little discouraged. 
Hearing that there were a number of Indians at a place c^led 
Crossweeksung^ in New Jersey, nearly eighty miles south-east 
from the Forks of Delaware, I determined to make them a 
visit, and see what might be done towards christianizing them; 
and accordingly arrived among them on Wednesday^ June 
19th, 1745. 

" I found very few persons at the place which I visited, and 
perceived that the Indians in these parts were very much 
scattered. There were not more than two or three families in 
a place ; and these small settlements, six, ten, fifteen, twenty 
and thirty miles, and some more from that place. However, 
I preached to those few I found ; who appeared well disposed, 
serious and attentive, and not inclined to cavil and object, as 
the Indians had done elsewhere. When I had concluded my 
discourse, I informed them, there being none but a few 
women and children, that I would willingly visit them again 
the next day. Whereupon they readily set out and travelled 
ten or fifteen miles, in order to give notice to some of their 
friends at that distance. These women, like the woman of 


Samaria, seemed desirous that others should see the man, who 
had told them what they had done in their past lives, and the 
misery that attended their idolatrous ways. At night was 
worn out, and scarcely able to walk, or sit up. O ! how tire- 
some is earth ; how dull the body ! 

June 20. ^ Visited and preached to the Indians again as I 
proposed. Numbers were gathered at the invitations of their 
firiends, who had heard me the day before. These also ap- 
peared as attentive, orderly and well disposed as the others : 
and none made any objections, as Indians in other places have 
usually done. Towards night preached to the Indians again, 
and had more hearers than before. In the evening enjoyed 
some peace and serenity of mind, and comfort and composure 
in prayer, alone ; and was enabled to lift up my head with 
some degree of joy, under an apprehension that my redemp- 
tion draws nigh. O ! blessed be God that there remains a rest 
to his poor weary people ! 

Time 21. "Rode to Freehold to see Mr. William Tennent, 
and spent the day comfortably with him. My sinking spirits 
were a little raised and encouraged ; and I felt my soul breath- 
ing after God, in the midst of christian conversation ; and in 
the evening was refreshed in secret prayer ; saw myself a poor 
worthless creature, without wisdom to direct or strength to 
help myselfl — O blessed be God, who lays me under a happy, 
a blessed necessity of living upon himself! 

June 22. " About noon rode to the Indians again, and next 
night preached to them. Found my body much strengthened, 
and was enabled to speak with abundant plainness and 
warmth. Their number, which at first consisted of seven or 
eight persons, was now increased to nearly thirty. There was 
not only a solemn attention among them, but some considera- 
ble impression, it was apparent, was made upon their minds 
by divine truth. Some began to feel their misery, and perish- 
ing state, and appeared concerned for a deliverance from it. 
The power of God evidently attended the word ; so that 
several persons were brought under great concern for their 
souls, and made to shed many tears, and to wish for Christ to 
save them. My soul was much refreshed and quickened in 
my work : and I could not but spend much time with them in 
order to open both their misery and their remedy. This was 
indeed a sweet afternoon to me. While riding, before I came 
to the Indians, my spirits were refreshed, and my soul enabled 
to cry to<jod almost incessantly, for many miles together. In 
the evening, also, I found that the consolations of God were 
not small. I was then willing to live, and in some respects 
desirous of it, that I might do something for the dear kingdom 
of Christ ; and yet death appeared pleasant ; so that I was in 
some measure in a strait between two ; having a desire to de- 


part. I am often weary of this world, and want to leave it on 
that account ; but it is desirable to be drawn, rather than 
driven out of it. 

Lard^s dau^ June 33. ^' Preached to the Indians, and spent 
the day with them. Their number still increased ; and all 
with one consent, pmed^o rejoice in my coming among 
them. Not a word < mMserosition was heard from any of them 
against Christianity, - ough in times past they had been as 
much opposed to an» thing of that nature, as any Indians 
whatsoever. Some o^ . hem, not many months before, were 
enraged with my intei* .eter, because he attempted to teach 
them something of Christianity. 

June 24. ^^ Preached to the Indians at their desire, and upon 
their own motion. 1 see poor Pagans desirous of hearing 
the gospel of Christ, animated me to discourse to them ; at 
though 1 was now very weakly, and my spirits much exhausted. 
They attended with the greatest seriousness and diHgenoe ; 
and some concern for their souls^ salvation was apparent 
among them. 

June 27. ^^ Visited and preached to the Indians a^ain. Their 
number now amounted to about forty persons. Then: solemnity 
and attention still continued, and a considerable concern finr 
their souls became very apparent among numbers of diem. 
My soul rejoiced to find, that God enabled me to be faitbfiil, 
and that he was pleased to awaken these poor Indians by my 
means. O how heart-reviving and soul refreshing it is to me, 
to see the fruit of my labours I 

June 28. " The Indians being now gathered, a considerable 
number of them, from their several and distant habitations, 
requested me to preach twice a day to them ; being desirous 
to hear as much as they possibly could while I was with them. 
I cheerfully complied with their request, and could not but 
admire the goodness of God, who I was persuaded, had in- 
clined them thus to inquire after the way of salvation. 

'^ In the evening, my soul was revived, and my heart lifted 
up to God in prayer for my poor Indians, myself, and friends, 
and the dear church of God. O horw refreshing, how sweet 
was this ! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not his good- 
ness and tender mercy ! 

June 29. ^^ Preached twice to the Indians ; and could not 
but wonder at their seriousness, and the strictness of their at- 
tention. Saw, as I thought, the hand of God very evidently, 
and in a manner somewhat remarkable, making provision for 
their subsistence together, in order to their being instructed in 
divine things. For this day, and the day before, with only 
walking a little way from the place of our daily meeting, they 
killed three deer, which were a seasonable supply for their 
wants, and without whichj they could not have subsisted 


together in order to attend the means of grace. Blessed be 
God who has inclined their hearts to hear. O how refreshing 
it is to me to see them attend, with such uncommon diligence 
and affection, with tears in their eyes and concern in their 
hearts ! In the evening, could not but lift up my heart to God 
in prayer, while riding to my !'^'1«»'"^ ' -and, blessed be his 
name, had assistance and freedoml'^d ?. ^w much better than 
life is the presence of God ! ' * 

jLord*s day^ June 30. " Preached t tfce this day also. Ob- 
served yet more concern and affection Hiong the poor Heath- 
ens than ever ; so that they even co^^rained me to tarry yet 
longer with them, although my c^^titution was exceedingly 
worn out, and my health much impaired by my late fatigues 
and labours; and especially by myfate ibumey to Susquehan- 
nah in May last, in which I lodged on the ground for several 
weeks together. 

July 1. " Preached again twice to a very serious and atten- 
tive assembly of Indians ; they having now learned to attend 
the worship of God with christian decency in. all respects. 
There were now between forty and fifty persons of them 
present, old and young. I spent a considerable time in dis- 
coursing with them in a more private way ; inquiring of them 
what they remembered of the great truths which had been 
taught them from day to day; and may justly say, it was 
amazing to see how they had received and retained the in- 
structions given them, and what a measure of knowledge some 
of them had acquired in a few days. 

Jtdy 3. " Was obliged to leave these Indians at Crossweek- 
sun^, thinking it my duty as soon as my health would admit, 
agam to visit those at the Forks of Delaware. When I came 
to take leave of them and to speak particularly to each of 
them, they all earnestly inquired when I would come again, 
and expressed a great desire of being further instructed. Of 
their own accord they agreed, that when I should come again, 
they would all meet and live together, during my continuance 
with them ; and that they would use their utmost endeavours 
to gath^ all the other Indians in these parts who wer^* -^* 
more remote. When I parted from them, on^ /d^ apoftryet 

many tear,,..'^^he„.wisJbe5 ^i^ would'^k^rTr Tem - 

S\';k*tf "''*" ^."l*«^ *° fi"^ Christ;" Ind an old mai. 
for L souf ? tZ ""^ the,r chiefs, wept bitterly with concern 
hoow! , ,.' . P'o™«ed them to return as speedily as mv 

na^nfT ""^ Parting, lest the good impressions, then ap- 
Cn thr° °"™''^ °^ *'*«™' ™'S'^t d««J^« ^d 'wear S, 
SS He whn ?f ""Tf ^. l"*^^- Yet I could not but hope 

aSd who T^nf ^"^T^^ ^"^ ^^?"" "" g°od "'o* a«»on« them 
and who, I knew, did not stand in need of means to cany it 


on, would maintain and promote it. At the same time, I must 
confess, that I had often seen encouraging appearances amons 
the Indians elsewhere, prove wholly abortive, and it appeared 
that the favour would be too great, if God should now, after I 
had passed through so considerable a series of almost fruitless 
labours and fatigues, and after my rising hopes had been so 
often frustrated among these poor pasans, give me any special 
success in my labours with them, I could not believe, and 
scarcely dared to hope, that the event would be so happy ; 
and scarcely ever found myself more suspended between hope 
and fear in any affair, or at any time, than in this. 

'^ This encouraging disposition, and readiness to receive in- 
struction, now apparent among the Indians, seems to have 
been the happy effect of the conviction which one or two of 
them met with, sometime since at the Forks of Delaware : who 
have since endeavoured to show their friends the evil of idolar 
try. Though the other Indians seemed but little to regard, 
and rather to deride, them : yet this, perhaps, has put them into 
a thinking posture of mind, or at least, given them some 
thoughts about Christianity, and excited in some of them a cu- 
riosity to hear ; and so made way for the present encouraging 
attention. An apprehension that this mignt be the case, here, 
has given me encouragement that God may, in such a manner, 
bless the means which I have used with the Indians in other 
places ; where, as yet, there is no appearance of it. If so, 
may his name have the glory of it : for I have learnt, by ex- 
perience, that he only can open the ear, engage the attention, 
and incline the hearts of poor benighted, prejudiced pagans to 
receive instruction. 

" Rode from the Indians to Brunswick, nearly forty miles and 
lodged there. Felt my heart drawn after God in prayer, almost 
all the forenoon, especially in riding. In the evening, I could 
not help crying to God for those poor Indians ; and, after I 
went to bed, my heart continued to go out to God for them till 
I dropped asleep. O, blessed be God, that I may pray !" 

_^wns now so fatigued by constant preaching to these 
T ?*n%sMfiS ^^ ^'^^^'^ importunate desires, that he found it 
necessSy to^i'^TinJISeffsOT^^ He spent, therefore, 

nbout a week in New Jersey, after he left the Indians : visitmg 
several ministers, and performing some necessary business, De- 
fore he went to the Forks of Delaware. Though he was weak 
in body, yet he seems to have been strong in spirit. Uniriaay, 
July 12, he arrived at his own house in the Forks of Delaware ; 
continuing still free from melancholy ; from day to day enjoy- 
ing freedom, assistance, and refreshment in the inner man. 
But on Wednesday, the next week, beseems to have had some 


melancholy thoughts about his doing so little for God, being 
so much hindered by weakness of body. 

" Forks of Delaware^ in Pennsylvania^ July 1745. 

Lord's day^ July 14. " Discoursed to the Indians twice. 
Several of them appeared concerned, and were, I have reason 
to think, in some measure convinced by the Divine Spirit, of 
their, sin and misery ; so that they wept much the whole time 
of divine service. Afterwards, discoursed to a number of white 
people then present. 

July ,18. " Preached to my people, who attended diligently 
beyond what had been common among these Indians : and 
some of them appeared concerned for their souls. Longed to 
spend the little inch of time I have in the world, more for God. 
Felt a spirit of seriousness, tenderness, sweetness and devotion ; 
and wished io spend the whole night in prayer and communion 
with God. 

Jtdy 19. '^ In the evening, walked abroad for prayer and me- 
ditation, and enjoyed composure and freedom in these sweet 
exercises, especially in meditation on Rev. iii. 12: ^^Him that 
overcoBieth, will I make a pillar in the temple of my God.^^ 
&c. This was^ then a delightful theme to me, and it refreshed 
my soul to dwell on it. O when shall I go no more out from 
the service and enjoyment of the dear Redeemer ! Lord hasten 
the blessed day ! 

Lords day^ July 21. " Preached to the Indians first; then 
to a number of white people present ; and in the afternoon, to 
the Indians again. Divine truth seemed to make very consider- 
able impressions upon several of them, and caused the tears to 
flow freely. Afterwards 1 baptized my Interpreter^ and his 
toife^ who were the first whom I baptized among the Indians. 

" They, are both persons of some e^rpenwien^a/knowledge in 
religion ;* have both been awakened to a solemn concern for 
their souls ; have to appearance, been brought to a sense of 
their misery, and undoneness in themselves; have both appeared 
to be comforted with divine consolations; and it is apparent 
that both have passed a. ^reof and I cannot but hope, a saving, 
change. It may perhaps be satisfactory and agreeable, that 
I should give some brief relation of this man's exercises 
and experience, since he has been with me ; especially 
since he is employed as my Interpreter to others. When 1 
first employed him in this business, in the beginning of the sum- 
mer of 1744, he was well fitted for his work, in regard to his 
acquaintance with the Indian and English languages, as well 
as with the manners of both nations ; and in regard to his de- 
sire that the Indians should conform to the manners and cus- 
toms of the English, and especially to their manner of living. 

Vol. X. 26 

iititi M£M01RS OF BKAlxN£RI>. 

But he seemed to have little or no impression of religion upon 
his mind, and in that respect was very tmfit for his work ; being 
incapable of understanding and communicating to others many 
things of importance, so that I laboured under great disadvan- 
tages in addressing the Indians, for want of his havins an 
experimental^ as well as more doctrinal acquaintance with di- 
vine truths ; and, at times, my spirits sunk, and were much dis- 
couraged under this difficulty ; especially when 1 observed that 
divine truths made little or no impressions upon his mind for 
many weeks together. He indeed behaved soberly after I em- 
ployed him ; although before, he had been a hard arinker ; and 
seemed honestly engaged, as far as he was capable, in the per- 
formance of his work. Especially he appeared very desirous 
that the Indians should renounce their heathenish notions and 


Practices, and conform to the customs of the christian world, 
iut still he seemed to have no concern about his own soul, 
until he had been with me a considerable time. 

" Near the latter end of July, 1744, 1 preached to an assembly 
of white people, with more freedom and fervency than I oould 
possibly address the Indians with, without their having first ob- 
tained a greater measure of doctrinal knowledge. At this time 
he was present, and was somewhat awakened to a concern for 
his soul ; so that the next day, he discoursed freely with me 
about his spiritual concerns, and gave me an opportunity to 
use further endeavours to fasten the impressions of his perishing 
state upon his mind. I could plainly perceive, for some time 
after this, that he addressed the Indians with more concern mid 
fervency than he had formerly done. 

" But these impressions seemed quickly to decline ; and be, 
remained^ in a great measure, careless and secure, until some 
time late in the autumn of the year following ; when he fell into 
a weak and languishing state of body; and continued much 
disordered for several we^s together. At this season, divine 
truth took hold of him, and made deep impressions upon his 
mind. He was brought under great concern for his soul ; and 
his exercises were not now transient and unsteady, but constant 
and abiding, so that his mind was burdened from day to day ; 
and it was now his great inquiry, " What he should do to be 
saved ?" This spiritual trouble prevailed, until his sleep, in a 
great measure, departed from him, and he had little rest day or 
night ; but walked about under great pressure of mind, for he 
was still able to walk, and appeared like another man to his 
neighbours, who could not but observe his behaviour with 
wonder. After he had been some time under this exercise, 
while he was striving to obtain mercj^, he says there seemed to 
be an impassable mountain before him. He was pressing to- 
wards heaven, as he thought ; but " his way was hedged up 
with thorns, so that he could not stir an inch further. " He look- 


ed tliis way and that way, but could find no way* at all. He 
thought if he could but make his way through these thorns and 
briers, and climb up the first steep pitch of the mountain, that 
then there might be hope for him ; but no way or means could 
he find to accomplish this. Here he laboured for a time, but 
all in vain. He saw it was impossible^ he says, for him ever to 
help himself through this insupportable difficulty. " It signifi- 
ed just nothing at all for him to struggle and strive anymore." 
Here, he says, he gave over striving, and felt that it was a gone 
case with him, as to his own power, and that all his attempts 
were, and for ever would be, vain and fruitless. Yet he was 
more calm and composed under this view of things, than he 
had been while striving to help himself. 

" While he was giving me this account of his exercises, I was 
not without fears, that what he related was but the working of 
his own imagination^ and not the effect of any divine illumtna- 
tion of mind. But, before I had time to discover my fears, he 
added, that at this time he felt himself in a miserable and perish- 
ing condition : that he saw plainly what he had been doing all 
his days ; and. that he had never done one good things as he ex- 
presses it He knew he was not guilty of some wicked actions, 
of which he knew some others guilty. He had not been ac- 
customed to steal, quarrel, and murder ; the latter of which 
vices is common among the Indians. He likewise" knew that 
he had done many things that were right ; he had been kind to 
his neighbours, &c. " But still, his cry was, that he had never, 
done one good thing,'*'* "I knew," said he, "that I had not 
been so bad as some others in some things ; and that I had 
done many things which folks call good"; but all this did me 
no good now. I saw that all was bad, and that I had never 
done one good thing ;". meaning that he had never done any 
thing from a right principle, and with a right view^ though he 
had, done many thmgs that were materially good and right. 
" And now, I thought," said he, " that I must sink down to 
hell ; that there was no hope for me, because I never could 
do any thing that was good :" and if God let me alone ever 4S0 
long, and. I should try ever so much, still I should do nothing 
but what is bad." 

" This further account of his exercises satisfied me, that it 
was not the mere working of, his imagination ; since he ap- 
peared so evidently to die to himself, and to be divorced from 
a dependence upon his own righteousness, and good deeds, to 
which mankind, in a fallen state, are so much attached ; and 
upon which they are so ready to hope for salvation, 

" There was one thing more in his view of things at this 
time, which was very reniarkable. He not only saw, he says, 
what a miserable st^te he himself was in, but he likewise saw 
that the world around him^ in general, were in the same perish^ 

204 M£m)lAS OF BRAISLB.U. 

ing circumstances, notwithstanding the profession which many 
of them made of Christianity, and the hope which they enter- 
tained of obtaining everlasting happiness. This he saw clear- 
ly, as if he was now waked out of sleep, or had a cloud taken 
from his eyes." He saw that the life which he had lived was 
the way to eternal death, that he was now on the brink of end- 
less misery ; and when he looked around he saw multitudes of 
others, who had lived the same life with himself, persons who 
had no more goodness than he, and yet dreamed that they were 
safe enough, as he had formerly done. He was fully persuaded, 
by their conversation and behaviour, that they had never fell 
their sin and misery, as he now felt his. 

" After he had been for some time in this condition, sensible 
of the impossibility of helping himself by any thing which he 
could do, or of being delivered by any created arm ; so that he 
had " given up all for lost," as to his own attempts, and was 
become more calm and composed ; then, he says, it was borne 
in upon his mind, as if it had been audibly spoken to him, 
" There is hope, there is hope." Whereupon his soul seemed 
to rest, and he in some measure satisfied, though he bad no 
considerable joy. 

" He cannot here remember distinctly any views he had of 
Christ, or give any clear account of his soul's acceptance of 
him, which makes his experience appear the more doubtful, 
and renders it less satisfactory to himself and others than it 
might be, if he could remember distinctly the apprehensions 
and actings of his mind at this season. — But these exercises of 
soul were attended and followed with a very great change in 
the man ; so that it might justly be said he was become another 
man^ if not a new man. His conversation and deportment 
were much altered ; and even the careless world could not but 
wonder what had befallen him, to make so great a change in 
his temper, discourse, and behaviour. Especially there was a 
surprising alteration in his public performances. He now ad- 
dressed the Indians with admirable fervency, and scarcely knew 
when to leave off. Sometimes, when I had concluded my dis- 
course and was returning homeward, he would tarry behind to 
repeat and inculcate what had been spoken. 

" His change is abiding^ and his life, so far as I know, un- 
blemished to this day ; though it is now more than six months 
since he experienced this change ; in which space of time he 
has been as much exposed to strong drink as possible, in divers 
places where it has been moving as free as water ; and yet has 
never, that I know of, discovered any hankering desire after it 
He seems to have a very considerable experience of spiritual 
exercise^ and discourses feelingly of the conflicts and consola- 
tions of a real Christian. His heart echoes to the soul-hum- 
bling doctrines of grace, and he never appears better pleased 


than when he hears of the absolute sovereignty of God^ and 
the salvation of sinners in a way of mere free grace. He has 
lately had also more satisfaction respecting his own state ; and 
has been much enlightened and assisted in his work ; so that 
he has been a great comfort to me. 

" After a strict observation of his serious and savoury con- 
versation, his christian temper, and unblemished behaviour for 
such a length of time, as well as his experience, of which I 
have given an account ; I think that I have reason to hope 
Jhat he is " created anew in Christ Jesus to good works." His 
name is Moses Finda Fautaury. He is about fifty years of 
age, and is pretty well acquainted with the pagan notions and 
customs of his countrymen ; and so is the better able now to 
expose them. He has, I am persuaded, already been, and I 
trust will yet be, a blessing to the other Indians. 

July 23. ^^ Preached to the Indians, but had few hearers : 
Those who of late are constantly at home, seem, of late, to be 
under some impressions of a religious nature. 

July 26. " Preached to my people, and afterwards baptized 
my interpreter^ children. In the evening, God was pleased to 
help me in prayer, beyond what I have experienced for some 
time. Especially, my soul was drawn out for the encourage- 
ment of Christ^s kingdom, and for the conversion of my poor 
people; and my soul relied on God for the accomplishment of 
that great work. How sweet were the thoughts of death to 
me at this time ! How I longed to be with Christ, to be em- 
ployed in the glorious work of angels, and with an angePs 
vigour and delight ! Yet how willing was I to stay awhile on 
earth, that I might do something, if the Lord pleased for his 
interest in the world. My soul, my very soul, longed for the 
ingathering of the poor Heathen ; and I cried to God most 
willingly and heartily. I could not but cry. This was a sweet 
season ; for I had some lively taste of Heaven, and a temper of 
mind suited in some measure to the employments and entertain- 
ments of it. My soul was grieved to leave the place ; but my 
body was weak and worn out, and it was nearly nine o'clock. 
I longed that the remaining part of life might be filled up with 
more fervency and activity in the things of God. O the inward 
peate, composure^ and god-like serenity of such a frame ! 
Heaven must diiSer from this only in degree, not in kind. Lord ! 
ever. give me this bread of life. 

Lwtl^s day, July 28. " Preached again, and found my people, 
at least some of them, more thoughtful than ever about their 
souPs concerns. I was told by some, that their seeing my in- 
terpreter, and others, baptized, made them more concerned 
than any thing they had ever seen or heard before. There 
was, incleed, a considerable appearance of divine power among 


them, while the ordinance was administered. May that divine 
influence spread and increase more abundantly ! 

" In the evening, my soul was melted, and my heart broken, 
with a sense of past barrenness and deadness. — O how I then 
longed to live to God, and bring forth much fruit to his glory I 

July 29. "Was much exercised with a sense of vileness, with 
guilt and shame, before God. 

" Discoursed to a number of my people, and gave them some 
particular advice and direction ; bemg now about to leave t&em, 
for the present, in order to renew my visit to the Indians in 
New-Jersey. They were very attentive to my discourse^ and 
, earnestly desirous to know when I designed to return to them 

On Wednesday^ July 31, he set out on his return to Cr<^8- 
weeksung, and arrived there the next day. In his way thither, 
he had longing desires, that he might come to the Indians 
there in the fulness of the blessing of the gospel of Christ, at- 
tended with a sense of his own great weakness, dependence, 
and worthlessness. 


Crossweeksung^ {New-Jersey^) August, 1745. 

August 2. " In the evening, I retired, and my soul was drawn 
out in prayer to God ; especrally for my poor people, to whom 
I had sent word that they might gather together, that I mi^ht 
preach to them the next day. I was much enlarged in praymg 
for their saving conversion ; and scarcely ever fouiid my desires 
of any thing of this nature so sensibly and clearly, to nay own 
satisfaction, disinterested, and free from selfish views. It seem- 
ed to me I had no care, or hardly any desire, to be the instru- 
ment of so glorious a work as I wished and prayed ff>r among 
the Indians. If the blessed work might be accomplished to 
the honour of God, and the enlargement of the dear Redeem- 
er's kingdom ; this was all my desire and care ; and for this 
mercy I Hoped, but with trembling ; for I felt what Job ex- 
presses, chap, ixtb, 16th, " If I had called, and he had answer- 
ed me, yet would I not believe that he had hearkened unto my 
voice." My rising hopes, respecting the conversion of the In- 
dians, have been so often dashed, that my spirit is, as it were, 
broken, and my courage wasted, and I hardly dare hope. I 
visited the Indians in these parts in June last, and tarried with 
them a considerable time, preaching almost daily : at which 
season, God was pleased to pour upon them a spirit of awa- 
kening, and concern for their souls, and surprisingly to engage 
their attention to divine truths. I now found them serious, and 
a number of them unddr deep concern for an interest in Christ. 
Their convictions of their sinful and perishing state were, in 


my absence from them^ much promoted by the labours and en- 
deavours of Rev. William Tennent ; to whom I had advised 
ihem to apply for direction ; and whose house they frequented 
much while 1 was gone. I preached to them this day with 
some view to Rev. xxii. 17. " And whosoever will, let him 
take of the water of life freely ;" though I could not pretend to 
handle the subject methodically among them. The Lord, I 
am persuaded, enabled me, in a manner somewhat uncommon, 
to set before them the Lord Jesus Christ as a kind and com- 
passionate S£^viour, inviting distressed and perishing sinners to 
accept everlasting mercy. A surprising concern soon became 
apparent among them. There were about twenty adult per- 
sons together ; many of the Indians, at remote places, not ha- 
ving, as yet, had time to come since my return hither ; and not 
above two that I could see with dry eyes. 

"Some were much concerned, and discovered vehement 
longinffs of soul after Christ, to save them from the misery 
they felt and feared. 

Ldrd*s day, Aug. 4. " Being invited by a neighbouring mi- 
nister, to assist in the administrati6n of the Lord^s supper, I 
complied with his request, and took the Indians along with 
me ; not only those who were together the day before, but 
many more who were coming to hear me ; so that there were 
nearly fifly in all, old and young. They attended the several 
discourses of the day ; and, some of them, who could under- 
stand English, were much affected ; and all seemed to have 
.their concern in some measure raised. 

" Now a change in their manners began to appear very visi- 
ble. In the evening, when they came to sup together, they 
would not take a morsel until they had sent to me to come and 
supplicate a blessing on their food ; at which time, sundry df 
them wept ; especially when I reminded them how they had, 
in times past, eat their feasts in honour to devils, and neglected 
to thank God for them. 

August 5. " After a sermon had been preache3 by another 
minister, I preached, and concluded the public work of the so* 
lemnity from John viith, 37th. In the last day, &c. ; and, in my 
discoiu^e, addressed the Indians in particular, who sat in a 
. part of the house by themselves ; at which time, one or two of 
them were' struck with deep concern, as they afterwards told 
me, who had been little affected before ; and others had their 
concern increased to a considerable" degree. In the evening, 
the greater part of them being at the house where I lodged, I 
discoursed to them ; and found them universally engaged about 
their souls* concerns; inquiring "what they should do to be 
saved." All their conversation among themselves, turned upon 
religious matters, in which they were much assisted by my In- 
terpreter, who was with them day and night, • 


^^ This day there was one woman, who had been much con- 
cerned for her soul ever since she first heard me preach, in 
June last, who obtained comfort, I trust, solid and well 
grounded. She seemed to be filled with love to Christ At 
the same time she behaved humbly and tenderly, and appeared 
afraid of nothing so much as of oiSending and grieying him 
whom her soul loved. 

Aug. 6. ^^ In the morning I discoursed to the Indians at the 
house where we lodged. Many of them were much aJBfected, 
and appeared surprisingly tender ; so that a few words about 
the concerns of their souls would cause the tears to flow 
fi'eely, and produce many sobs and groans. — In the. afternoon, 
they being returned to the place where I had usually preached 
among them, I again discoursed to them there. There were 
about ffty-jive persons in all ;. about jfor^y that were capable 
of attendmg Divine service with understanding. I insisted on 
1 John ivth, 10th. Herein is love^ d*c. They seemed eager 
of hearing ; but there appeared nothing very remarkable, ex- 
cept their attention, till near the close of my discourse ; and 
then Divine truths were attended with a surprising influence, 
and produced a great concern among them. There were 
scarcely three in forty who could refrain from tears and bitter 
cries. They all as one seemed in an agony of soul to obtain 
an interest in Christ ; and the more I discoursed of the love 
and compassion of God in sending his Son to suffer for the 
sins of men ; and the more I invited them to come and par- 
take of his love ; the more their distress was aggravated, be- 
cause they felt themselves unable to come. It was surprising 
to see how their hearts seemed to be pierced with the tender 
and melting invitations of the gospel, when there was not a 
word of terror spoken to them. 

" There was this day two persons who obtained relief and 
comfort ; which, when I came to discourse with them par- 
ticularly, appeared solid, rational and scriptural. After I nad 
inquired into the grounds of their comfort, and said many 
things which I thought proper to them ; I asked them what 
they wanted that God should do farther for them ? They re- 
plied, " they wanted Christ should wipe their hearts quite 
clean," &c. So surprising were now the doings of the Lord, 
that I can say no less of this day, and I need say no more of 
it, than that the arm of the Lord was powerfully and mar- 
vellously revealed in it. 

Aug. 7. " Preached to the Indians from Is. liii, 3 — 10. 
There was a remarkable influence attending the. word, and 
great concern in the assembly ; but scarcely equal to what 
appeared the day before ; that is, not quit so universal. How- 
ever, most were much affected, and many in great distress for 
their souls ; and .some few could neither go nor stand, but lay 


flat on the ground as if pierced at heart, crying incessantly for 
xnercy. Several were newly awakened ; and it was remarka- 
l>le that, as fast as they came from remote places round about, 
the Spirit of God seemed to seize them with concern for their 
souls. After public service was concluded, I found two per- 
sons more who had newly met with comfort, of whom I had 
^ood hopes ; and a third, of whom I could not but entertain 
some hopes, whose case did not appear so clear as the others ; 
so that there were now six in all, who had got some relief 
from their spiritual distresses ; and five, whose experience ap- 
peared very clear and satisfactory. It is worthy of remark, 
that those who obtained comfort first, were in general deeply 
affected with concern for their souls, when I preached to them 
in June last. 

Aug. 8. " In the afternoon I preached to the Indians, their 
number was now about sixty-Jive persons ; men, women and 
children. I discoursed upon Luke xiv. 16 — ^23, and was 
&voured with uncommon freedom in my discourse. There 
was much visible concern among them, while I was discours- 
ing publicly ; but afterwards, when I spoke to one and an- 
other more particularly, whom I perceived under much con- 
cern, the power of God seemed to descend upon the assembly 
" like a mighty nishing tvind^'*'' and with an astonishing energy 
bore down all before it. I stood amazed at the influence, 
which seized the audience almost universally ; and could com- 
pare it to nothing more aptly, than the irresistible force of a 
mighty torrent or swelhng deluge, that with its insupportable 
weight and pressure bears down and sweeps before it what- 
ever comes in its way. Almost all persons of all ages were 
bowed down with concern together, and scarcely one was able 
to withstand the shock of this surprising operation. Old men 
and women, who had been drunken wretches for many years, 
and some little children, not more than six or seven years of 
age, appeared in distress for their souls, as well as persons of 
middle age. It was apparent that these children, some of them 
at least, were not merely frightened with seeing the general 
concern ; but were made sensible of their danger, the bad- 
ness of their hearts, and their misery, without Christ, as some 
of them expressed it. The most stubborn hearts were now 
obliged to bow. A principal man among the Indians, who 
before was most secure and self-righteous, and thought his 
state good, because he knew more than the generality of the 
Indians had formerly done ; and who with a great degree of 
confidence the day before told me '^ he had been a Christian 
more than ten years ;" was now brought under solemn con- 
cern for his soul, and wept bitterly. Another man advanced 
in years, who had been a murderer, a pawaw or conjurer, and 
a* notorious drunkard, was likewise brought now to cry for 

Vol. X. 27 


mercy with many tears, and to complain much that he coii]d 
be no more concerned when he saw his danger so Tery great. 

^^ They were almost universally praying and crying for mer- 
cy in every part of the house, and many out of doors ; and 
numbers could neither go nor stand. Their concern was so 
great, each one for himself, that none seemed to take any no- 
tice of those about them, but each prayed freely fot himself. 
I am led to think they were, to their own apprehetlsions, as 
much retired as if they had been individually oy themselveg, in 
the thickest desert ; or I believe rather that they thought nc^ 
thing about any thing but themselves, and their own state, and 
so were every one praying apart, although all together. It 
seemed to mo that there was now an exact fulfilment of diat 
prophecy, Zech. xiith, 10, 11, 12 ; for there was now *• a great 
mourning, like the mourning of Hadadrimmon ;^' — and each 
seemed to '' mourn apart/^ Methought this had a near re* 
semblance to the day of God^s power, mentioned Josh, xtlh 
14 ; for I must say I never saw any day like iu in all respects : 
it was a day wherein I am persuaded the Lord did tnnch to 
destroy the kingdom of darkness among this people. 

^^This concern, in general, was most rational and just* 
Those who had been awakened any considerable time, com- 
plained more especially of the badness of their hearts ; add 
those who were newly awakened, of the badness of their Iwes 
* and actions ; and all were afraid of the anger of God, and of 
everlasting misery as the desert of their sins. Some of the 
white people, who came out of curiosity to hear what *^ thi9 
babbler would say" to the poor ignorant Indians, were much 
awakened ; and some appeared to be wounded with a view of 
their perishing state. Those who had lately obtained relief, 
were filled with comfort at this season. They appeared calm 
and composed, and seemed to rejoice in Chnst Jesus. Some 
of them took their distressed friends by the hand, telling them 
of the goodness of Christ, and the comfort that is to be enjoy- 
ed in him ; and thence invited them to come and give up their 
hearts to him. I could observe some of them, in the most 
honest and unaffected manner, without any design of being 
taken notice of, lifting up their eyes to heaven, as if crying for 
mercy, while they saw the distress of the poor souls around 
them. There was one remarkable instance of awakening this 
day which I cannot fail to notice here. A young Indian 
woman, who, I believe, never knew before that she had a soul, 
nor ever thought of any such thing, hearing that there was 
something strange among the Indians, came, it seems, to see 
what was the matter. In her way to the Indians she called 9X 
my lodgings ; and when 1 told her that I designed presently to 
preach to the Indians, laughed, and seemed to mock ; but went 
nowever to them. I had not proceeded far in my pabUo dis- 

MJblMOlRi} OF BftAlNEAD. 211 

course before she felt effectually that she had a soul; and, be- 
fore I had concluded my discourse, was so convinced of her 
sin and misery, and so distressed with concern for her douPs 
salvation, that she seemed like one pierced through with a dart, 
and cried out incessantly. She could neither go nor stand, nor 
sit on her seat without being held up. After public service 
was over, she lay flat on the ground, praying earnestly, and 
would take no notice of, nor give any answer to, any who spoke 
to her. I hearkened to hear what she said, and perceived the 
burden of her prayer to be, ^^ Cruttummaukcdummeh wechaumeh 
kmeleh Nolah^'*^ L e. ^^ Have mercy on me^ and kelp me to give 
you mu heart,^^ Thus she continued praying incessantly for 
many nours together. This was indeed a surprising day of 
God's power, and seemed enough to convince an Atheist of 
the truUi, importance, and power of God's word. 

Aug. 9. *^ Spent silmostthe whole day with the Indians; 
the former part of it in discoursing to many of them privately, 
«md especially to some who had lately received comfort, and 
eoMleavouring to inquire into the grounds of it, as well as to 
give them some proper instructions, cautions and directions. 

^ In the afternoon discoursed to them publicly. They were 
now present about seventy persons, old and young. I opened 
and applied the parable of the sower. Matt. xiii. W as enabled 
to discourse with much plainness, and found afterwards that 
this discourse was very instructive to them. There were many 
tears among them, while I was discoursing publicly, but no 
considerable crv; yet some were much aflScted with a few 
words spoken vom Matt. xii. 28. Come unto me aU ye that 
labour^ &C. with which I concluded my discourse. But, while 
I was discoursing near night to two or three of the awakened 
persons, a Divine influence seemed to attend what was spoken 
to them in a powerful manner ; which caused the persons to 
cry out in anguish of soul, although I spoke not a word of 
terror ; but on the contrary, set before them the fulness and all- 
sufficiency of Christ's merits, and his willingness to save all 
that come to* him, and thereupon pressed them to come with- 
out delay. The cry of these was soon heard by others, who, 
though scattered before, immediately gathered round. I then 
proceeded in the same strain of gospel-invitation, till they were 
{dl melted into tears and cries, except two or three; and 
seemed in the greatest distress to find and secure an interest in 
the great Redeemer. Some, who had little more than a ruffle 
nuufe in their passions the day before, seemed now to be deep- 
ly affected and wounded at heart ; and the concern in general 
appealed neiu'ly as prevalent as it was the day before. There 
was indeed a very great mourning among them, and yet every 
one seemed to mourn apart. For so peat was their concern, 
that afaiost every one was praying and crying for himself, as if 


none had been near. ^^ Guttummauhalummeh ; guUum$nau/ialum- 
meh^'* i. e. " Have mercy upon me ; heme mercy upon me ; was 
the common cry. It was very affectuig to see the poor Indiaosr 
who the other day were hallooing and yelling in their {dola- 
trous feasts and drunken frolics, now ciying to God with such 
importunity for an interest in his dear Son ! — Found two or 
three persons who, I had reason to hope, had taken comfort 
upon good grounds since the evening before ; and these, with 
others who had obtained comfort, were toffether, and s^emBd 
to rejoice much that God was carrying on liis work with such 
power upon others. 

Aug. 10. ^^Rode to the Indians, and began to discourse 
more privately to those who had obtained comfort and satia* 
faction ; endeavouring to instruct, direct, caution, and comfort 
them. But others, being eager of hearing everv word which 
related to spiritual concerns, soon came together one after 
another ; and, when I had discoursed to the young converts more 
than half an hour, they seemed much melted with divine tilings, 
and earnestly desirous to be with Christ. I told them of the 
godly soul^s perfect purity, and full enjoyment of Christ, im- 
mediately upon its separation from the body ; and that it would 
be inconceivably more happy than they had ever been for any 
short space of time, when Christ seemed near to them in prayer 
or other duties. That I might make way for speaking of the 
resurrection of the body, and thence of the complete Uesaed- 
ness of the man ; I said, ^^ But perhaps some of you will say, I 
love my body as well as my soul, and I cannot. bear to think 
that my body shall lie dead, if my soul is happy." To which 
they all cheerfully replied, " Muttoh^ Muttoh ;" before I had 
opportunity to prosecute what I designed respecting the resur- 
rection ; i. e. " No^ NoJ*"* They did not regard their bodies^ if 
their souls might be with Christ. — Then they appeared willing 
to be absent from the body, that they might be present with 
the Lord. 

" When I had spent some time with them, I turned to tlie 
other Indians, and spoke to them from Luke xix. 10. For the 
son of man is come to seek, (fee. I had not discoursed long, be- 
fore their concern rose to a great degree ; and the house was 
filled with cries and groans. When I insisted on the compas- 
sion and care of the Lord Jesus Christ for those that were lost, 
who thought themselves undone, and could find no way of es- 
cape ; this melted them down the more, and aggravated their 
distress, that they could not find and come to so kind a Sa- 

" Sundry persons, who before had been slightly awakened, 
were now deeply wounded with a sense of their sin and' misery. 
One man in particular, who was never before awaken^, was 
now made to feel that " the word of the Lord was quick and 


powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword.'* He seem- 
ed to be pierced at heart with distress ; and his concern appeared 
most rational and scriptural, for he said that ^^ all the wicked* 
ness of his past life was brought fresh to his remembrance, 
and that he- saw all the vile actions he had done formerly, as if 
done but yesterday." 

" Fojund one who had newly received comfort, after pressing 
distress from day to day. Could not but rejoice, and admire the 
Divine goodness in what appeared this day. There seems to 
be some good done by every discourse ; some newly awakened 
eveiy day, and some comforted. It was refreshing to observe 
the conduct of those who obtained comfort ; while others were 
distressed with fear and concern ; that is lifting up their hearts 
to God for them. 

Lord*s day^ Aug. 11. " Discoursed in the forenoon from the 
parable of the prodigal son^ Luke xv. Observed no such re- 
markable effect of the word upon the assembly as in days past. 
There were numbers of careless spectators of the white people, 
some Quakers and others. In the afternoon, discoursed upon a 
part of ,St. Peter's sermon. Acts ii. and at the close of my 
discourse to the Indians, made an address to the white people ; 
and divine truths seemed then to be attended with power, both to 
English and Indians. Several of the white heathen were 
awakened, and could not longer.be idle spectators ; but found 
they had souls to save or lose as well as the Indians ; and a 
great concern spread through the whole assembly. So that 
this also appeared to be a day of God's power, especially to- 
wards the conclusion of it, although the influence attending the 
word seemed scarcely so powerful now as in days past. 

" The number of Indians, old and young, was now upwards 
of seventy ; and one or two were newly awakened this day, 
who never had appeared to be moved with concern for their 
souls before. Those who had obtained relief and comfort, 
and had given hopeful evidences of having passed a saving 
change, appeared humble and devout, and behaved in an 
agreeable and Christian-like manner. I was refreshed to see 
the tenderness of conscience manifest in some of them ; one 
instance of which I cannot but notice. Perceiving one of 
thein very sorrowful in the morning, I inquired into the cause 
of her sorrow, and found the difficulty was, that she had been 
angry with her child the evening before, and was now exercised 
with fears, lest her anger had been inordinate and sinful ; whicli 
50 grieved her, that she waked and began to sob before da}- 
light, and continued weeping for several hours together. 

August 14. " Spent the day with the Indians. There was 
one of them, who had, some time since, put away his wife, a^ 
is common amongst, them, and taken .another woman ; and, 
being now brought under some serious impressions, was much 


.concerned about that affair in particular, and seemed lolly con- 
rvinced of the wickedness of the practice, and earnestly desired 
to know what God would have him to do in his present cir* 
cumstances. When the law of God respecting mamagej had 
been opened to them, and the cause of his leaving his wife in- 
quired into ; and when it appeared that she had given biai no 
just occasion, by unchastity, to desert her, and that she was 
willing to forgive his past misconduct and to live peaceaUy 
with him for tne future, and that she moreover insisted on it as 
her riglu to live with him ; he was then told, that it was his in* 
dispensable duty to renounce the woman whom he had last ta* 
ken, and receive the other, who was his proper wife, and live 
peaceably with her during life. With this, he readily and 
cheerfully complied ; and, thereupon, publicly renounced the 
woman he had last taken, and publicty promised to live with 
and be kind to his wife during me ; she, also, promising the 
same to him. Here appeared a dear demonstration of the 
power of God^s word upon their hearts. 1 suppose a few 
weeks before, the whole world could not have persuaded thb 
man to a compliance with Christian rules in this affair. 

^^ I was not without fears that this proceeding might be like 
putting ^^ new wine into old bottles ;^^ and that some mi^ht be 
prejudiced against Christianity, when they saw the demaiids 
made by it. But, the man being much concerned about the 
matter, the determination of it could be deferred no longer ; 
and it seemed to have a cood rather than an ill effect among 
the Indians ; who generally owned that the laws of Christ were 
good and right, respecting the affairs of marriage. In the af- 
ternoon, I preached to them from the apostle^s discourse lo 
Cornelius, Acts xth, 34th, &c. There appeared some affec- 
tionate concern among them, though not equal to what ap- 
peared in several of the former days. They still attended and 
heard as for their lives, and the Lord's work seemed still to be 
promoted and propagated among them. 

Aug. 15. " Preached from Luke ivth, 16 — ^21. ^^ And be 
came to Nazcureth^^'* &c. The word was attended with power 
upon the hearts of the hearers. There was much concera, 
many tears, and affecting cries among them : and some, in a 
peculiar manner, were deeply wound^ and distressed for their 
souls. There were some newly awakened who came but this 
week, and convictions seemed to be promoted in others. 
Those who had received comfort, were likewise refreshed and 
strengthened ; and the work of grace appeared to advance in 
all respects. The passions of the congregation in general 
were not so much moved, as in some dajrs past ; but their 
hearts seemed as solemnly and deeply affected with divine 
truths as ever, at least in many instances, although the concern 


did not seem so universal, and to reach every individual in such 
a manner as it appeared to do some days before. 

Aug. 16. ** Spent a considerable time in conversing with 
sundry of the Inoians. Found one who had got relief and 
comfort after pressing concern ; and could not but hope, when 
I came to discourse particularly with her, that her comfort was 
of the right kind, in the afternoon, I preached to them from 
John vL. 36 — 34. Toward the close of my discourse, divine 
truths were attended with considerable power upon the audi- 
ence; and more especially after public service was over, when 
I particularly addressed sundry distressed persons. 

^ There ivas a great concern for their souls spread pretty ge- 
nerally among them ; but especially there were two persons 
oewlv awakened to a sense of their sin and misery ; one of whom 
was lately come, and the other had all along been very atten- 
tive and desirous of being awakened, but could never before 
have wf lively view of her perishing state. Now her concern 
and gpintual distress was such, that 1 thought 1 had never seen 
any more pressing. Sundry old men were also in distress for 
their souls ; so that they could not refrain from weeping and 
cryni£ aloud ; and their bitter groans were the most convincing 
as well as affecting evidence of the reality and depth of their 
inward anguish. God is powerftiUy at work among them. 
Thie and genuine convictions of sin are daily promoted in 
many instances ; and some arie newly awakened from time to 
time ; although some few, who felt a commotion in their pas- 
sums in days past, seem now to discover, that their hearts were 
never duly arocted. I never saw the work of God appear so 
independent of means, as at this time. I discoursed to the 
people, and spake what I simpose had a proper tendency to 
promote convictions ; but God^s manner of woiking upon 
them, seemed so entirely supernatural, and above means, that 
I could scarcely believe he used me as an instrument, or what 
I spake as means of carrying on his work. For it appeared, 
as 1 thought, to have no connexion with, or depenaence on 
means, in any respect. Though I could not but continue to 
use the means, winch I thought proper for the promotion of the 
w<Mfk, yet God seemed, as I apprehended, to worii entirely 
without them. I seemed to do nothing, and, indeed, to have 
nothing to do, but to ^^ stand stiU, aiKl see the salvation of 
Crod ;*' and found myself obliged and delighted to sav, *^ Not 
ohto os,'^ not unto instruments and means, ^ but to thy name 
be glory/* God appeared to work entirely alone, and I saw no 
room to attribute any part of this work to any created arm. 

Agg. 17. *^ Spent much time in private conferences with the 
Indians. Found one who had newly obtained rdief and com- 
fort, after a long season of spiritual trouble and distress ; — ^he 


having been one of my hearers at the Forks of Delaware for 
more than a year, and now having followed me here under 
deep concern for his soul ; — and had abundant reason to hope 
that his comfort was well grounded, and truly divine. After- 
wards discoursed publicly from Acts viiith, 29 — 39 ; and took 
occasion to treat concernmg baptism^ in order to their being in- 
structed and prepared to partake of that ordinance. They 
were yet hungry and thirsty for the word of God, and appeared 
unwearied in their attendance upon it. 

Lord*8 day, Aug, 18. ^^ Preached in the forenoon to an as- 
sembly of white people, made up of Presbyterians, Baptists, 
Quakers, &c. Afterwards preached to the Indians, from John 
vi. 35 — 40, He that eateth my flesh, &c. There was con- 
siderable concern visible among them, though not equal to 
what has frequently appeared of late. 

Aug. 19. "Preached from Isa. Iv. 1. Ho every one 
that thirsteth. Divine truths were attended with power upon 
those who had received comfort, and others also. The Ibnner 
sweetly melted and refreshed with divine invitations ; the latter 
much concerned for their souls, that they might obtain an in- 
terest in these glorious gospel provisions which were set before 
them. There were numbers of poor impotent souls that 
waited at the pool for healing ; and the luigel seemed, as at 
other times of late, to trouble the waters, so that there was yet 
a most desirable and comfortable prospect of the spiritual re- 
covery of diseased perishing sinners. Near noon, I rode to 
Freehold, and preached to a considerable assembly, from Matt. 
V. 3. Blessed are the poor in spirit, &c. It pleased God to 
leave me to be very dry and barren ; so that I do not remember 
to have been so straightened for a whole twelvemonth past. 
God is just; and he has made me to acquiesce in his will in this 
respect. It is contrary to flesh and blood to be cut oflF from all 
freedom in a large auditory, where their expectations are much 
raised; but so it was with me : and God helped me to say amen 
to it. Good is the will of the Lord. In the evening I felt quiet 
and composed, and had freedom and comfort in secret prayer. 

-Am2-. 20. " Was composed and comfortable, still in a re- 
sighed frame. Travelled from Mr. Tennent's, in Freehold, to 
Elizabeth Town. Was refreshed to see friends and relate to 
them what God had done and was still doing among my poor 

Aug. 21. " Spent the forenoon in conversation with Mr. 
Dickinson, contriving something for the settlement of the 
Indians together in a body, that they might be under better 
advantages for instruction. In the afternoon spent some time 
agreeably with other friends ; wrote to my brother at college ; 
but was grieved that time slid away, while I did so little for 

Atig. 23. " In the morning was very weak, but favoured with 
s^me freedom and sweetness in prayer, was comfortable and 
€M>mposed in mind. Afternoon, rode to Cross weeksung to my 
poor people. 

*' Spent some time with the Indians in private discourse ; and 
afterwards, preached to them from John vi. 44 — 50. No man 
can come to me, except &c. There was, as has been usual, a 
great attention and some affection among them. Several ap- 
peared deeply concerned for their souls, and could not but ex- 
press their inward anguish by tears and cries. But the amaz- 
ing divine influence, which has been so powerfully among 
them in general, seems at present in some degree abated ; at 
least, in regard to its universality ; though many who have ob- 
tained no special comfort, still retain deep impressions of divine 

Aug. 24. " Spent the forenoon in discoursing to some of the 
Indians in order to their receiving the ordinance of baptism. 
When I had opened the nature of the ordinance, the obligations 
attending it, the duty of devoting ourselves to God in it, and 
the privilege of being in covenant with him; numbers of them 
seemed to be filled with love to God, delighted with the thoughts 
of giving themselves up to him in that solemn and public man- 
ner, and melted and refreshed with the hopes of enjoying the 
blessed Redeemer. Afterwards, I discoursed publicly from 
1 Thess. iv. 13 — 17. But I would not have you be ignorant, 
&c. There was a solemn attention, and some visible concern 
and affection in the time of public service ; which was after- 
wards increased by some further exhortations given to them to 
come to Christ, and give up their hearts to him, that they 
might be fitted to ^^ ascend up and meet him in the air,^^ when 
he shall ^^ descend with a shout, and the voice of the arch- 

" There were several Indians newly come, who thought 
their state good, and themselves happy, because they had 
sometimes lived with the white people under gospel light, had 
learned to read, were civil, &c., although they appeared utter 
strangers to their hearts, and altogether unacquamted with the 
power of religion, as well as with the doctrines of grace. 
With these I discoursed particularly after public worship ; and 
was surprised to see their self-righteous dispositions, their strong 
attachment to the covenant of works for salvation, and the 
high value they put upon their supposed attainments. Yet 
amr much discourse, one appeared in a measure convinced 
that " by the deeds of the law no flesh living can be justified ;" 
and wept bitterly, inquiring what he must do to be saved. 

This was very comfortable to others, who had gained some 
experimental knowledge of their own hearts; for, before, they 
were grieved with the conversation and conduct of these new 

Vol. X. 28 


comers, who boasted of their knowledge, and thought well of 
themselves, but evidently discovered to those who had any ex- 
perience of divine truths that they knew nothing of their own 

Lord's day^ Aug. 25. ^^ Preached in the forenoon from Luke 
XT. 37. A number of white people being present, I made an 
address to them at the close of my discourse to the Indians ; 
but could not so much as keep them orderly ; for scores of 
them kept walking and gazing about, and behaved more in- 
decently than any Indians I have ever addressed. A view of 
their abusive conduct so sunk my spirits, that I could scarcely 
go on with my work. 

^* In the afternoon discoursed from Rev. iii. 20 ; at which 
time the Indians behaved seriously, though many others were 
vain. Afterwards baptized twenty-five persons oi the Indians ; 
fifteen adults and ten children. Most of the adults, I have 
comfortable reason to hope, are renewed persons ; and there 
was not one of them but what I entertained some hopes of in 
that respect ; though the case of two or three of them ap* 
peared more doubtnil. 

^^ After the crowd of spectators was gone, I called the bap* 
tizcd persons together, and discoursed to them in particular ; 
at the same time inviting others to attend. I reminded them 
of the solemn obligations they were now under to live to God ; 
warned them of the evil and dreadful consequences of care- 
less living, especially after their public profession of Christian- 
ity ; gave them directions for future conduct ; and encouraged 
them to watchfulness and devotion, by setting before tliem 
the comfort and happy conclusion of a religious life. 

" This was a desirable and sweet season indeed ! Their 
hearts were engaged and cheerful in duty ; and they rejoiced 
that they had, in a public and solemn manner, dedicated them- 
selves to God. Love seemed to reign among them ! They 
took each other by the hand with tenderness and affection, as 
if their hearts were knit together, while I was discoursing to 
them ; and all their deportment towards each other was such, 
that a serious spectator might justly be excited to cry out with 
admiration, " Behold how they love one another'^ Numbers 
of the other Indians, on seeing and hearing these things, were 
much affected, and wept bitterly ; longing to be partakers of 
the same joy and comfort, which these discovered by their 
very countenances as well as conduct. I rode to my lodgings 
in the evening, blessing the Lord for his gracious visitation of 
the Indians, and the soul-refreshing things I had seen the day 

f)ast among them ; and praying that God would still carry on 
lis divine work among them. 

Aug. 26. " Preached to my people from John vi. 51 — 55. " 
After I had discoursed some time, I addressed them in par- 

U£MOIRS or BR.nXERD. 2Vii 

ticular, who entertained hopes that they were passed from 
death unto life. Opened to them the persevering nature of 
those consolations which Christ gives his people, and which I 
trusted he had bestowed upon some in that assembly ; showed 
them that such have already the beginnings of eternal life, and 
that their heaven shall speedily be completed. 

**I no sooner begun to discourse in this strain, than the dear 
Christians in the congregation began to be melted with affec- 
tion to,\nd desire of the enjoyment of Christ, and of a state 
of perfect purity. They wept affectionately, yet joyfully ; and 
theur tears \nd sobs discovered brokenness of heart, and yet 
were attended' with real comfort and sweetness. It was a 
tender, affectionate, humbTe -and delightful meeting, and ap- 
peared to be the genuine effect of a spirit of adoption, and 
very far from that spirit of bondage under which they not 
long since laboured. The influence seemed to spread from 
these through the whole assembly ; and there quickly ap- 
peared a wonderful concern amons them. Many, who had 
not yet found Christ as an allnsumcient Saviour, were sur- 

{>risingly engaged in seeking after him. It was indeed a 
ovely and very interesting assembly. Their number was now 
about mnety-jive persons, old and young, and almost all af- 
fected with joy in Christ- Jesus, or with the utmost concern to 
obtain an interest in him. 

** Being now convinced that it was my duty to take a jour- 
ney far back to the Indians on the Susquehannah, it being now 
a proper season of the year to find them generally at home ; 
after naving spent some hours in public and private discourse 
with my people, I told them that I must now leave them for 
the present, and go to their brethren far remote, and preach to 
them; that I wanted the spirit of God should go with me, 
without whom nothing could be done to any good purpose 
among the Indians — as they themselves had opportunity to see 
and observe by the barrenness of our meetings at sometimes, 
when there was much pains taken to affect and awaken sinners, 
and yet to little or no purpose, and asked them if they could 
not be willing to spend the remainder of the day in prayer for 
me, that God would go with me, and succeed my endeavours 
for the conversion of these poor souls. They cheerfully com- 
plied with the motion, and soon afler I left them, the sun being 
about an hour and a half high at night, they began and con- 
tinued praying till break of day, or very near : never mistrust- 
ing as they tell me, till they went out and viewed the stars, and 
saw the morning star a considerable height, that it was later 
than bed time. Thus eager and unwearied were they in their 
devotions ! A remarkable nijjht it was ; attended, as my inter- 
preter tells me, with a powerful influence upon those who were 
yet under concern, as well as those who had received comfort. 


These were, I trust, this day, two distressed souls brought to 
the enjoyment of solid comfort in him whom the weary find 
rest. It was likewise remarkable, that this day an old Indian, 
who had all his days been an idolater, was brought to give up 
his rattles, which they use for music in their idolatrous feasts 
and dances, to the other Indians, who quickly destroyed them. 
This was done without any attempt of mine in the affair, 1 
having said nothing to him about it, so that it seemed to be 
nothing but the power of God's word, without any particular 
application to this sin that produced this effect Thus God 
has begun ; thus he has hitherto surprizingly carried on a work . 
of grace amongst these Indians. May the glory be ascribed to 
him who is the sole author of it. 

" 1 went from the Indians to my lodgings, rejoicing for the 
goodness of God to my poor people ; and enjoyed freedom of 
soul in prayer, and other duties in the evening. Bless the Lord, 
O my soul ! 

The next day, he set out on a journey towards the Forks of 
Delaware, designing to go from thence to Susquehannah, be^ 
fore he returned to Crossweeksung. It was five days from his 
departure from Crossweeksung, before he reached the' Fork* { 
gomg round by the way of Philadelphia, and waiting on the 
Governor of Pennsylvania, to get a recommendation from him 
to the Chiefs of the Indians ; which he obtained. He speaks 
of much comfort and spiritual refreshment, in this journey, and 
also, a sense of his exceeding unworthiness, thinking himself 
the meanest creature that ever lived. 


Forks of Delaware^ in Pennsylvania^ Sept. 1745. 

Lord*s day^ Sept. 1. " Preached to the Indians from Luke 
xi. 16 — 23. The word appeared to be attended with some 
power, and caused some tears in the assembly. Afterwards 
preached to a number of white people present, and observed 
manv of them in tears ; and some who had formerly been 
careless and unconcerned about religion, perhaps, as the 
Indians. Towards night, discoursed to the Indians again, and 
perceived a greater attention, and more visible concern among 
them, than has been usual in these parts. God gave me the 
spirit of prayer, and it was a blessed season in that respect. 
My soul cried to God for mercy, in an affectionate manner. In 
the evening also, my soul rejoiced in God. 

Sept. 3. *' Preached to the Indians from Isaiah lii. 3 — 6. 
He is despised and rejected of men^ &c. The Divine presence 
seemed to be in the midst of the assembly, and a considerable 
concern spread among them. Sundry persons seemed to bej- 
awakened ; among whom were two stupid creatures, whom I 


could scarce ever before keep awake while 1 was discoursing 
to them. I could not but rejoice at this appearance of things ; 
altbou^ at the same time, I could not but fear, lest the con- 
cern which they at present manifested, might prove like ''a 
morning cloud, as something of that nature had formerly done 
in these parts. 

8qpf. 4. " Rode 15 miles to an Irish settlement, and preach- 
ed there from Luke xiv. 22. ' And yet there is room.'' God 
was pleased to afford me some tenderness and enlargement in 
the nrst prayer, and much freedom as well as warmth in the 
sermon. There were many tears in the assembly ; the people 
of Crod seemed to melt ; and others seemed to be in some 
measure awakened. Blessed be the Lord, who lets me see'his 
work going on in one place and another ! 

Sept. 5. " Discoursed to the Indians from the parable of the 
sower. Afterwards I conversed particularly with sundry per- 
sons ; which occasioned them to weep, and even to cry out in 
an affecting manner, and seized others with surprise and concern. 
I doubt not but that a divine power accompanied what was then 
spoken* Several of these persons had been with me to Cross- 
weeksnuF : and there had seen and some of them I trust, /eZ/, the 
power of God^s word, in an affecting and saving manner. I 
asked one of them, who had obtained comfort and given hope- 
ful evidences of being truly religious, " Why he now cried ?" 
He replied, '^ When he thought how Christ was slain like a 
lamb, and spilt his blood for smners, he could not help crying, 
\riien he was alone ;^* and thereupon burst into tears, and cried 
again. I then asked his wife who had likewise been abundant- 
ly comforted, why she cried ? She answered, '' that she was 
grieved that the Indians here would not come to Christ, as 
wen as those at Crossweeksunff.^* I asked her if she found a 
heart to pray for them ; and whether Christ had seemed to be 
near her of late in prayer, as in times past; which is my usual 
method of expressing a sense of the divine presence. She re- 
plied ^ yes, he had been near to her, and at times when she had 
been praying alone, her heart loved to pray so, that she could 
not bear to leave the place, but wanted to stay and pray 

Sgtf. 6. *^ Enjoyed some freedom and intenseness of mind, 
in prayer alone ; and longed to have my soul more warmed with 
divme and heavenly things. Was somewhat melancholy towards 
night, and longed to die and quit a scene of sin and darkness, 
but was a little supported in prayer. 

8q^t. 7. ^^ Preached to the Indians from John vi. 35—39. 
There was not so much the appearance of concern among them 
as at several other times of late ; yet they appeared serious and 


Lord*B day^ SepU 8. ^^ Discoursed to the Indians in the after-' 
noon from Acts ii. 36— 39. The word of God at this time seem- 
ed to fall with weight and influence upon them. There were 
but few present ; but most that were, were in tears ; and several 
cried out in distressing concern for their souls. There was one 
man considerably awakened, who never before discoveiefl 
any concern for his soul. There appeared a remarkable work 
of the Divine Spirit among them generally, not unlike whatiuMi 
been of late at Crossweeksung. It seemed as if the divine iB- 
fluence had spread thence to this place ; although something qf 
it appeared here before in the awakening of my interpreter, Jiii 
wife, and some few others. Several of the careless white peo- 
ple now present, were awakened or at least startled, seeing the 
power of God so prevalent among the Indians. I then maden 
particular address to them, which seemed to make some impres- 
sion upon them, and excite some affection in them. 

^^ There are sundry Indians in these parts, who have alwajfi 
refused to hear me preach, and have been enraged against 
those who have attended on my preaching. But of late they 
are more bitter than ever ; scoffing at Chnstianity, and some- 
times asking my hearers, '^ How often they have cried,** and 
"Whether tney have not now cried enough to do their tum,^ 
i&c. So that they have already trial of cruel working. 

" In the evening, God was pleased to assist me m pnnrer, 
and give me freedom at the throne of grace. I cried to God 
for the enlargement of his kingdom in the world, and in par- 
ticular among my dear people ; was also enabled to pray for 
many dear ministers of my acquaintance, both in these parts, 
and in New England, and also for other dear friends in New 
England. My soul was so engaged and enlarged in the sweet 
exercise, that I spent an hour in it, and knew not how to leave 
the mercy seat. O how I delighted to pray and cry to God ! 
I saw that God was both able and willing to do all that I de- 
sired for myself, and his church in general. I was likewise 
much enlarged, and assisted in family prayer. Afterwards 
when I was just going to bed, God helped me to renew my pe- 
tition, with ardour and freedom. O it was to me a blessed 
evening of prayer ! Bless the Lord, O my soul. 

SepU 9. " Left the Indians at the Forks of Delaware, and 
set out on a journey towards Susquehannah river ; directing 
my course towards the Indian town more than a hundred aiAi 
twenty miles westward from the Forks. Travelled about fif- 
teen miles, and there lodged. 

" Shaumoking^ Sept. 1745. 

Sept. 13. " After having lodged out three nights, arrived at 
the Indian town I aimed at on the Susquehannah, called Shaft- 


mokiiig ; one of the places and the largest of them which I 
visited in May last. I was kindly received, and entertained 
bjr the Indians ; but had Uttle satisfaction by reason of the 
heathenish dance and revel they then held in the house where 
r was obliged to lodge ; which I could not suppress, though 1 
often entreated them to desist, for the sake of one of their own 
iiiends who was then sick in the house, and whose disorder 
was much aggravated by the noise. Alas ! how destitute of 
natnral affection are these poor uncultivated Pagans! althousb 
ther seem somewhat kind in their own way. Of a truth the 
dafk comers of the earth are full of the habitations of cruelty. 
"nuB town, as I observed in my diary of May last, lies partly on 
the east side of the river, partly on the west, and partly on a 
lai^ island in it ; and contains upwards of fifty houses, and 
nearly three hundred persons, though I never saw much more 
than half that number in it. They are of three different tribes 
of Indians, speaking three languages wholly unintelligible to 
each other. About one half of its mhabitants are Delawares ; 
the otiiers called Senakas and Tutelas, The Indians of this 
place, are accounted the most drunken, mischievous, and ruf- 
fianlike fellows, of any in these parts ; and Satan seems to have 
his seat in this town in an eminent manner. 

Sept. 14. ^^ Visited the Delaware King ; who was supposed 
to be at the point of death when I was here in May last, but 
was now recovered; discoursed with him and others, respect- 
ing Christianity ; spent the afternoon with them ; and had more 
encouragement than I expected. The King appeared kindly 
disposed, and willing to be instructed. This gave me some en- 
couragement, that God would open an effectual door for my 
5 reaching the gospel here, and set up his kingdom in this place. 
%i8 was a support and refreshment to me in the wilderness, a:nd 
rendered mj solitary circumstances comfortable and pleasant. 
In the evenm^, my soul was enlarged, and sweetly engaged in 
prayer ; especially that God would set up his kingdom in this 

flace, where the devil now reigns in the most eminent manner. 
was enabled to ask this for God, for his glory, and because I 
longed for the enlargement of his kingdom, to the honour of 
his dear name. I could appeal to God with the greatest free- 
dom, that it was his dear cause, and not my own, which engaged 
my heart My soul cried, "Lord set up thy kingdom for thine 
own glory ; glorify thyself, and I shall rejoice. Get honour to thy 
blessed name, and this is all I desire. Do with me just what thou 
wilt : Blessed be thy name forever that thou art God, and that 
thou wilt glorify thyself. O that the whole world would glorify 
thee ! O let these poor people be brought to know thee, ana 
love thee, for the glory of thy ever dear blessed name.'' I could 
not but hope, that God would bring in these miserable, wicked 
Indians ; though there appeared little human probability of it v 


for they were then dancioff and revelling, as if possessed by the 
devil. But yet I hoped, though against hope, that God would 
be glorified, and that his name would be glorified by these poor 
Indians. I continued long in prayer and praise to God, and 
had great freedom, enlargement, and sweetness; rememberiog 
dear friends in New-England, as well as the people of m 
charge. Was entirely free from that dejection of spirit, witQ 
which I am frequently exercised. Blessed be God I . 

Lard's dav^ Sept. 15. " Visited the chief of the Delawara 
again ; was kindly received by him, and discoursed to the In- 
dians in the afternoon. Still entertained hopes that God wovld 
open their hearts, to receive the gospel ; though many of them 
in the place, were so drunk, from day to day, that I could ge^ 
no opportunity to speak to them. Towards night, discouned 
with one who understood the languages of the Six NaitcUt 
as they are usually called ; who discovered an inclination to 
hearken to Christianity, which gave me some hopes that the 
gospel might hereafter be sent to those nations far remote. 

Sept 16. '^ Spent the forenoon with the Indians, endeavour- 
ing to instruct them from house to house, and to engage them, 
as far as I could, to be friendly to Christianity. Towards ni^t, 
went to one part of the town, where they were sober, got t^e- 
ther near fifty of them, and discoursed to them ; having fist 
obtained the king^s cheerfiil consent There was a surprisiDg 
attention among them, and they manifested a consideraole de- 
sire of being further instructed. There were, also, one or two 
wlio seemed to be touched with some concern for their souls, 
who appeared well pleased with some conversation in private, 
after 1 had concluded my public discourse to them. 

" My spirits were much refreshed with this appearance of 
things, and I could not but return with my Interpreter, having 
no other companion in this journey, to my poor hard lodgings, 
rejoicing in hopes that God designed to set up his kingdom 
here, where Satan now reigns in the most eminent manner; 
and found uncommon freedom in addressing the throne of 
grace for the accomplishment of so great and glorious a work. 

Sept. 17. " Spent the forenoon in visiting and discoursing 
to the Indians. About noon, left Shaumoking (most of the 
Indians going out this day on their hunting design) and travel- 
ed down the river south-westward. 

Sept. 19. " Visited an Indian town, called Ji/ncau/a, situate 
on an island in the Susquehannah. Was much discouraged with 
the temper and behaviour of the Indians here ; although they 
appeared friendly when I was with them the last spring, and then 
gave me encouragement to come and see them again. But they 
now seemed resolved to retain their pagan notions, and persist 
in their idolatrous practices. 


Sept 20. *^ Visited the Indians again at Juncauta island, and 
found them almost universally ver}* busy in making preparations 
for a great sacrifice and dance. Had no opportunity to get 
them together, in order to discourse with them about Christi- 
anitjTf by reason of their being so much engaged about their 
sacrifice. My spirits were much sunk with a prospect so very 
discooraging ; and especially seeing I had now no interpreter 
but a pagan, who was as much attached to idolatry as any of 
them ; my own interpreter having left me the day before, being 
obliged to attend upon some important business elsewhere, 
and knowing that he could neither speak nor understand the 
language of these Indians ; so that I was under the greatest 
disadvantages imaginable. However, I attempted to discourse 
privately with some of them, but without any appearance of 
success : notwithstanding I still tarried with them. 

" In the evening they met together, nearly a hundred of 
them, and danced around a large fire, having prepared ten fat 
deer for the sacrifice. The fat of the inwards they burnt in 
the fire while they were dancing, and sometimes raised the 
flame to a prodigious height ; at the same time yelling and 
shouting in such a manner, that they might easily have been 
heard two miles or more. They continued their sacred dance 
nearly all night, after which they ate the flesh of the sacrifice, 
and so retired each one to his own lodging. 

•* I enjoyed little satisfaction ; being entirely alone on the 
isladd as to any Christian company, and in the midst of this 
idolatrous revel ; and having walked to and fro till body and 
mind were pained and much oppressed, I at length crept int^ 
a little crib made for corn, and there slept on the poles. 

Lord* 8 datfy Sept. 21. " Spent the day with the Indians on 
the island. As soon as they were well up in the morning, I 
attempted to instruct them, and laboured for that purpose to 

$t them together ; but soon found they had something else to 
lo, for near noon they gathered togetner all their powows, or 
conjurers, and set about half a dozen of them playing their 
juggling tricks, and acting their frantic distracted postures, in 
order to find out why they were then so sickly upon the island, 
numbers of them being at that time disordered with a fever and 
bloody flux. In this exercise they were engaged for several 
hours, making all the wild, ridiculous and distracted motions 
imaginable ; sometimes singing ; sometimes howling ; some- 
times extending their hands to the utmost stretch, and spread- 
ing aU their fingers, — they seemed to push with them as if they 
designed to push something away, or at least keep it ofi* at 
arm^-end ; sometimes stroking their faces with their hands, 
then spirting water as fine as mist ; sometimes sitting flat on 
the earth, then bowing down their faces to the ground ; then 

Vol. X. 29 ^ 


wringing their sides as if in pain and anguish, twisting their 
faces, turning up their eyes, grunting, puffing, &c. 

^^ Their monstrous actions tended to excite ideas of horror, 
and seemed to have something in them, as I thought, peculiarhr 
suited to raise the devil, if he could be raised bv any thing odd, 
ridiculous, and frightful. Some of them, I could observe, were 
much more fervent and devout in the business than others, and 
seemed to chant, peep, and mutter with a great degree of 
warmth and vigour, as if determined to awaken and engage 
the powers below. I sat at a small distance, not more than 
thirty feet from them, though undiscovered, with my bible in 
my hand, resolving, if possible, to spoil their sport, and prevent 
their receiving any answers from the infernal world, and there 
viewed the whole scene. They continued their hideous charms 
and incantations for more than three hours, until they had all 
wearied themselves out ; although they had in that space of 
time taken several intervals of rest, and at length broke up, I 
apprehended, without receiving any answer at all. 

^^ After they had done powawing, I attempted to discourse 
with them about Christianity ; but they soon scattered, and 
gave me no opportunity for any thing of that nature. A view 
of these things, while I was entirely alone in the wilderness, 
destitute of the society of any one who so much as ^^ named the 
name of Christ,^^ greatly sunk my spirits, and gave me the most 
gloomy turn of mind imaginable, almost stripped me of all re- 
solution and hope respectmg further attempts for propagating 
the gospel, and converting the Pagans, and rendered this the 
most burdensome and disagreeable Sabbath which I ever saw. 
But nothing, I can truly say, sunk and distressed me like the 
loss of my hope respecting their conversion. This concern ap- 
peared so great, and seemed to be so much my own, that I 
seemed to have nothing to do on earth, if this failed. A pros- 
pect of the greatest concern in the saving conversion of souls 
under gospel-light, would have done little or nothing towards 
compensating for the loss of my hope in this respect ; and my 
spirits now were so damped and depressed, that I had no heart 
nor power to make any further attempts among them for that 
purpose, and could not possibly recover my hope, resolution, 
and courage, by the utmost of my endeavours. 

" The Indians of this island can many of them understand 
the English language considerably well ; having formerly lived 
in some part of Maryland, among or near the white people ; 
but are very drunken, vicious, and profane, although not so 
savage as those who have less acquaintance with the English. 
Their customs, in various respects, differ from those of the other 
Indians upon the river. They do not bury their dead in a 
common form, but let their flesh consume above ground, in 


close cribs made for that purpose. At the end of a year, or 
sometimes a longer space of time, they take the bones when 
the flesh is all consumed, and wash and scrape them, and after- 
wards bury them with some ceremony. Their method of 
charming or conjuring over the sick, seems somewhat difierent 
from that of other Indians, though in substance the same. 
The whole of it among these and others, perhaps, is an intima- 
tion of what seems, by Naaman's expression, 2 Kings, v. 11. 
to have been the custom of the ancient heathen. It seems 
chiefly to consist in their " striking their hands over the dis- 
cflwed," repeatedly stroking them, ^and calling upon their 
gods;'*'* except the spirting of water like a mist, and some 
other frantic ceremonies common to the other conjurations 
which I have already mentioned. 

" When I was in this region in May last, I had an opportunity 
of learning many of the notions and customs of the Indians, as 
weU as observing many of their practices. I then travelled 
more than an hundred and thirty miles upon the river, above 
the English settlements ; and, in that journey, met with indivi- 
duids oi seven or eight distinct tribes, speaking as many difierent 
languages. But oi all the sights 1 ever saw among them, or 
indeed any where else, none appeared so frightful, or so near 
akin to what is usually imagined oi infernal powers^ none ever 
excited such images of terror in my mind, as the appearance of 
one who was a devout and zealous reformer, or rather, re- 
storer of what he supposed was the ancient religion of the In- 
dians. He made his appearance in his pontifical garb which 
was a coat of hoar skins^ dressed with the hair on, and hanging 
down to his toes ; a pair of bear skin stockings ; and a great 
wooden face painted, the one half black, the other half tawny, 
about the colour of an Indian ^s skin, with an extravagant mouth, 
cut very much awry ; the face fastened to a bear skin cap, 
which was drawn over his head. He advanced towards me 
with the instrument in his hand, which he used for music in his 
idolatrous worship ; which was a dry tortoise shell with some 
com in it, and the neck of it drawn on to a piece of wood, 
which made a very convenient handle. As he came forward, 
he beat his tune with the rattle, and danced with all his might, 
but did not sufier any part of his body, not so much as his fin- 
gers, to be seen. No one would have imagined from his ap- 
pearance or actions, that he could have been a human creature, 
if they had not had some intimation of it otherwise. When he 
came near me, I could not but shrink away from him, although 
it was then noon day, and I knew who it was ; his appearance 
and gestures were so prodigiously frightful. He had a house 
consecrated to religious uses, with divers images cut upon the 
several parts of it. I went in, and found the ground beat al- 
most as hard as a rock, with their frequent dancing upon '*. 

ggk' xuftMias or beainerd. 

I discoursed with him about Christianity. Some of my discourse 
he seemed to like, but some of it he disliked extremely, - He 
told me that God had taught him his religion, and that he never 
would turn from it; but wanted to find some who would join 
heartily with him in it ; for the Indians, he said, were grown 
very degenerate and corrupt. He had thoughts, he said^ 
of leaving all his friends, and travelling abroad, in order to find 
some who would join with him ; for he believed that God had* 
some good people somewhere, who felt as he did. He had not 
always, he said, felt as he now did ; but had formerly been like 
the rest of the Indians, until about four or five years before that 
time. Then, he said, his heart was very much distressed, so 
that he could not live among the Indians, but got away into 
the woods, and lived alone for some months. At length, he 
says, God comforted his heart, and showed him what he should 
do ; and since that time he had known God, and tried to serve 
him ; and loved all men, be they who they would, so as he 
never did before. He treated me with unconunon courtesy, 
and seemed to be hearty in it. I was told by the Indiana, that 
he opposed their drinking strong liquor with all his power ; and 
that, if at any time he could not dissuade them from it by all he 
could say, he would leave them, and go crying into the woods. 
It was manifest that he had a set of religious notions which he 
had examined for himself and not taken for granted^ upon 
bare tradition; and he relished or disrelished whatever was 
spoken of a religious nature, as it either agreed or disagreed 
with his standard. While I was discoursing, he would some* 
times say, "Now that I like; so God has taught me;" &c. 
and some of his sentiments seemed very just. Yet he utterly 
denied the existence of a det'iZ, and declared there was no such 
creature known among the Indians of old times, whose religion 
he supposed he was attempting to revive. He likewise told 
me, that departed souls all went southioard^ and that the difie- 
rence between the good and the bad, was this : that the fov- 
mer were admitted into a beautiful town with spiritual waUs ; 
and that the latter would for ever hover around these wails, in 
vain attempts to get in. He seemed to be sincere, honest, and 
conscientious in his own way, and according to his own religious 
notions ; which was more than I ever saw in any other Pagan. 
I perceived that he was looked upon and derided among most 
of the Indians, as a precise zealot^ who made a needless noise 
about religious matters ; but I must say that there was some- 
thing in his temper and disposition, which looked more Uke 
true religion, than any thing I ever observed amongst other 

But alas ! how deplorable is the state of the Indians upon 
this river ! The brief representation which I have here given 
of their notions and manners, is sufficient to show that they are 


Med captive by Satan at his will," in the most eminent 
manner ; and methinks might likewise be sufficient to excite 
the compassion, and engage the prayers, of pious souls for 
these their' fellow-men, who sit " in the region of the shadow 
of death." 

S^t. 22. " Made some further attempts to instruct and Chris* 
tianize the Indians on this island, but all to no purpose. They 
live so near the white people that they are always in the way of 
strong liquor, as well as of the ill examples of nonttViaZ Christians ; 
which renders it so unspeakably difficult to treat with them 
about Christianity." 

Brainerd left these Indians on the 23d of September, to re- 
turn to the Forks of Delaware, in a very weak state of body, 
and under great dejection of mind, which continued the two 
first days of his journey. 

Sept, 25. " Rode still homeward. In the forenoon, enjoyed 
freedom and intenseness of mind in meditation on Job xlii. 5, 6. 
" I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear, but now mine 
eyeseeth thee; wherefore I abhor myself and repent in dust and 
ashes*" The Lord gave me clearness to penetrate into the 
sweet truths contained in that text. It was a comfortable and 
sweet season to me. 

Sept. 26. " Was still much disordered in body, and able to 
ride but slowly. Continued my journey, however. Near night, 
arrived at the Irish settlement, about fifteen miles from mine 
own house. This day, while riding, I was much exercised with 
a sense of my barrenness ; and verily thought there was no 
creature who had any true grace, but what was more spiritual 
and faithful. I could not think that any of God^s children 
made so poor a hand of living to God. 

Sqfft, 27. " Spent a considerable time in the morning-in prayer 
and praise to God. My mind was somewhat intense in the 
duty; and my heart, in some degree, warmed with a sense of 
divine things. My soul was melted to think that ^^ God had 
accouilted me faithful, putting me into the ministry." My 
soul was also, in some measure, enlarged in prayer for the 
dear people of my charge, as well as for other dear friends. 
Afternoon, visited some christian friends, and spent the time 
I think profitably; my heart was warmed and more engaged in 
the things of God. In the evening I enjoyed enlargement, 
warmth and comfort in prayer : my soul relied on God for as^ 
sistance and grace to enable me to do something in his cause : 
my heart was drawn out in thankfulness to God for what be had 
donQ for his own glory among my poor people of late. I felt 
encouraged to proceed in his work ; bemg persuaded of his 
power, and hoping that his arm might be further revealed for 


the enlargement of his dear kingdom. My soul ^' rejoiced in 
hope of the glory of God,'^ in hope of the advancement of his 
declarative glory in the world, as well as of enjoying him in a 
world of glory. O, blessed be Gody the living (xod^for ever^^"* 

He continued in this comfortable sweet frame of mind the 
two next days. On the following day, he went to his own house 
in the Forks of Delaware, and continued still in the same frame. 
The next day, Tuesday, he visited the Indians. 

*' Forks of Delaware^ Oct. 1745. 

Oct. 1. '^ Discoursed to the Indians here, and spent some 
time in private conference with them about their souls* con* 
cerns, and afterwards invited them to accompany, or if not, 
to follow me to Crossweeksung as soon as they could con- 
veniently; which invitation numbers of them cheerfully ac- 

Wednesday he spent principally in writing the meditations h^ 
had in his late journey to the Susquehannah. On Thursday he 
left the Forks of Delaware, and travelled towards Crossweek- 
sung, where he arrived on Saturday ^ Oct. 5 ; and continued 
from day to day in a comfortable state of mind. 

" Crossweeksung^ Oct, 1745. 

Oct. 5. " Preached to my people from John xiv. 1 — 6. The 
divine presence seemed to be in the assembly. Numbers were 
affected with divine truths, and it was a comfort to some in par- 
ticular. O'what a difference is there between these, and the In- 
dians with whom I have lately treated upon the Susquehannah ! 
To be with those seemed to be like being banished from God 
and all his people ; to be with these, like being admitted into 
his family, and to the enjoyment of his divine presence f How 
great is the change lately made upon numbers of those Indians, 
who, not many months ago, were as thoughtless and averse to 
Christianity as those upon the Susquehannah; and how as- 
tonishing is that grace, which has made this change ! 

Lord'^s day^ Oct. 6. " Preached in the forenoon from John 
X. 7 — II. There was a considerable melting amonff my peo- 
ple ; the dear young Christians were refreshed, comforted and 
strengthened ; and one or two persons newly awakened. — In 
the afternoon I discoursed on the story of the jailer. Acts xvi. 
and in the evening, expounded Acts xx. I — 12. There was at 
this time a very agreeable melting spread throughout **»« 


whole assembly. I think I scarce ever saw a more desirable 
affection in any number of people in my life. There was 
scarcely a dry eye to be seen among them ; and yet nothing 
boisterous or unseemly, nothing that tended to disturb the 
public worship ; but rather to encourage and excite a christian 
ardour and spirit of devotion. — Those, who I have reason to 
hope were seriously renewed, were first affected, and seemed 
to rejoice much, but with brokenness of spirit and godly fear. 
Their exercises were much the same with those mentioned in 
my journal of Aug. 26, evidently appearing to be the genuine 
effects of a spirit of adoption. 

" After public service was over, I withdrew, being much 
tired with the labours of the day ; and the Indians continued 
praying among themselves for nearly two hours together; 
which continued exercises appeared to be attended with a 
blessed quickening influence from on high. I could not but 
earnestly wish that numbers of God^s people had been present 
at this season to see and hear these things which I am sure 
must refresh the heart of every true lover of Zion's interest. 
To see those, who were very lately savage Pagans and idol- 
aters, having no hope, and without God in the world, now 
filled with a sense of divine love and grace, and worshipping 
the Father in spirit and in truth, as numbers have appeared to 
do, was not a little affecting ; and especially to see them ap- 
pear so tender and humble, as well as lively, fervent, and de- 
vout in the divine service. 

Oct 7. " Being called by the church and people of East- 
Hampton, on Long-Island, as a member of a council to assist 
anid advise in affairs of difficulty in that church, I set out on 
my journey this morning before it was well light, and travelled 
to Elizabethtown, and there lodged. Enjoyed some comfort 
on the road in conversation with Mr. William Tennent, who 
was sent for on the same business.^' 

Bbainerd prosecuted his journey with the other ministers 
who were sent for, and did not return till Oct. 24. While he 
was at East-Hampton, the importance of the business, on 
which the council were convened, lay with such weight on his 
mind, and he was so concerned for the interests of religion in 
that place, that he slept but little for several nights succes- 
sively. In his way to and from East-Hampton, he had several 
seasons of sweet refreshment ; wherein his soul was enlarged 
jaxkd comforted with divine consolations in secret retirement ; 
and he had special assistance in public ministerial perform- 
ances in the house of God ; and yet at the same time a sense 
of extreme vileness and unprofitableness. From time to 
time he speaks of soul refreshments and comfort in conversa- 
tion with the ministers who travelled with him, and seems to 


Jiave little or nothing of melancholy until he came to the west 
end of Lon^-Island m his return. After that he was oppressed 
with dejection and gloominess of mind for several aays to- 

" Crossweeksung^ Oct. 1745. 

Oct. 24. " Discoursed from John iv. 13, 14. There was a 
great attention, a desirable affection, and an unaffected mel^ 
ing in the assembly. It is surprising to see how eager they 
are to hear the word of God. I have oftentimes thought that 
they would cheerfully and diligently attend divine worship 
twenty-four' hours together, if they had an opportunity so to 

Oct. 25. " Discoursed to my people respecting the Resurrec- 
tion, from Luke xx. 27 — 36. When I came to mention tiie 
blessedness which the godly shall enjoy at that season ; their 
final freedom from death, sin and sorrow ; their equaJity to 
the angels in their nearness to and enjoyment of Christ, some 
imperfect degree of which they are favored with in the present 
life, from whence springs their sweetest comfort ; and their 
being the children of God, openly acknowledged by him as 
such : — 1 say, when I mentioned these things, numbers of them 
were much affected and melted with a view of this blessed 

Oct. 26. ^^ Being called to assist in the administration of the 
Lord's supper in a neighbouring congregation, I invited my 
people to go with me. They in general embraced the oppor- 
tunity cheerfully ; and attended the several discourses of this 
solemnity with diligence and affection, most of them now un- 
derstanding something of the English language. 

Lord^s day^ Oct. 27. " While I was preaching to a vast 
assembly of people abroad, who appeared generally easy and 
secure enough, there was one Indian woman, a stranger, who 
never heard me preach before, nor ever regarded any thing 
about religion, being now persuaded by some of her friends 
to come to meeting, though much against her will, was seized 
with distressing concern for her soul ; and soon after expressed 
a great desire of going home, more than forty miles distant, to 
call her husband, that he also might be awakened to a concern 
for his soul. Some others of the Indians appeared to be af- 
fected with divine truths this day. The pious people of the 
English, numbers of whom I had opportunity to converse with, 
seemed refreshed with seeing the Indians worship God in that 
devout and solemn manner with the assembly of his people ; 
and with those mentioned in Acts xi. 18, they could not but 
glorify God, saying, " Then hath God also to the Gentiles 
granted repentance unto life." 


** Preached again in the afternoon, to a great assembly : at 
which time some of my people appeared affected ; and, when 
public worship was over, were inquisitive whether there would 
not be another sermon in the evening, or before the sacramental 
solemnity was concluded ; being still desirous to hear GodV 

Oct. 28. " Discoursed from Matt. xxii. 1 — 13. I was enabled 
to open the scriptures, and adapt my discourse and expression 
to the capacities of my people, I know not howi in a plam, easy, 
and familiar manner^ beyond all that I could have done by the 
utmost study : and this without any special difficulty ; yea with 
as much freedom as if I had been addressing a common atldi- 
ence, who had been instructed in the doctrines of Christianitv 
all their days. The word of God, at this time^ seemed to fall 
upon the assembly with a divine power and influence, especially 
towards- the close of my discourse : there was both a sweet 
melting and bitter mourning in the audience. The dear Chris- 
tians were refreshed and comforted, convictions revived in 
others, and several persons newly awakened, who had never 
been with us heforn. So much of the divine presence appeared 
in the assembly, that it seemed ' this was no other than the 
house of God and the gate of heaven/ AU, who had any sa- 
vour and relish of divine things, were even constrained by the 
sweetness of that season to say, ^^ Lord, it is good for us to be 
here :*' If ever there was among my people an appearance of 
the New Jerusalem, " as a bride adorned for her husband,^^ 
there was much of it at this time ; and so agreeable was the 
entertainment, where such tokens of the divine presence were^ 
that I could scarcely be willing in the evening to ieave the 
place and repair to my lodgings. I was refreshed with a view 
of the continuance of this blessed work of grace among them, 
and with its influence upon strangers among the Indians, who 
had of late, from time to time, providentially come into this 
part of the countr}^ Had an evening of sweet refreshing j my 
thoughts were raised to a blessed eternity ; my soul was melted 
f¥ith desires of perfect holiness, and of perfectly glorifying God.- 

Cht, 29* " About noon^ rode and viewed the Indian lands at 
Cranberry : was much dejected, and greatly perplexed in mind : 
knew not how to see any body again ; my soul was sunk within 
nae* Oh that these trials might make me more humble ancT 
holy. Oh that God would keep me from giving way to sinful' 
dejection, which may hinder my usefulness. 

Oct. 30. « My soul was refreshed with a view of the continu- 
uice of God^s blessed work among the Indians. 

Oct, 3L **^ Spent most of the day in writing; enjoyed not 
nucb spiritual comfort ; but was not so much sunk with me^ 
fancholy as atpther times^ 

Vol, X, 30 


Nov. 1. ^' Discoursed from Luke xxiv. briefly explaimng the 
whole chapter, and insisting especially upon some particuki 
passages. The discourse was attended with some anectionate 
concern upon some of the hearers, though not equal to what 
has often appeared among them. 

Nov. 2. " Spent the day with the Indians ; wrote some 
things of importance ; and longed to do more for God than I 
did, or could do, in this present feeble and imperfect state. 

Lord^s day^ Nov. 3. " Preached to my people from Luke 
xvi. 17. " And it is easier for heaven and earth," &c. more es- 
pecially for the sake of several lately brought under deep con- 
cern for their souls. There was some apparent concern and 
afiection in the assembly ; though far less than has been usual 
of late. 

*^ Afterwards, I baptized/ot/rteen persons of the Lidians : »x 
adults, and eight children. One of these was nearly foursoore 
vears of a^e ; and, I have reason to hope, that God has brought 
her savingly home to himself. Two of the others were men of 
fifty years old, who had been singular and remarkable among 
the Indians for their wickedness ; one of them had been a mar 
derer, and both notorious drunkards, as well as excessively q|iuu> 
relsome ; but now I oonnot but hope, that both of them have be- 
come sul^ects of God^s special grace, especially the worst of 
them."* I deferred their baptism for many weeks afler they had 
given evidence of having passed a great change, that I might 
have more opportunities to observe the fruits of the impressions 
which they had been under, and apprehended the way was now 
clear. There was not one of the adults whom I baptized^who 
had not given me comfortable grounds to hope, that God had 
wrought a work of special grace in their hearts ; although I 
could not have the same degree of satisfaction respecting one 
or two of them as the rest. 

Nov. 4. " Discoursed from John xi. briefly explaining most 
of the chapter. Divine truths made deep impressions upon 
many in the assembly. Numbers were affected with a view of 
the power of Christ manifested in his raising the dead; and 
especially vvhen this instance of his power was improved to 
show his ability to raise dead souls, such as many of them then 
felt themselves to be, to a spiritual life ; as, also, to raise the 
dead at the last day, and dispense to them true rewards and 

« There were numbers of those who had come here lately from 
remote places, who were now brought under deep and pressing 
concern for their souls. One in particular, who, not long since, 
came half drunk, and railed on us, and attempted by all means 

* The man particularly mentioned in mv journal of August 10, as being then 



to disturb us while engaged in divine worship, was now so con- 
, cemed and distressed for her soul, that she seemed unable to get 
any ease without an interest in Christ. There were many tears 
and affectionate sobs and groans in the assembly in general ; 
some weeping for themselves, others for their friends. Although 
• persons are, doubtless, much more easily affected now than they 
were in the beginning of this religious concern, when tears and 
cries for their souls were things unheard of among them, yet 
I must s^, that their affection in general appeared genuine and 
unfeigned ; and, especially, this appeared very conspicuous in 
those newly awakened. So that true and genuine convictions 
of sin seem still to be begun and promoted in many instances. 

" Baptized a child this day, and perceived numbers of the 
baptized persons affected with the administration of this ordi- 
nance, as being thereby reminded of their own solemn engage- 

" I have now baptized in all forty-seven of tha Indians ; 
twenty-three adults, and twenty-four children; thirty-five of 
them belonged to this region, and the rest to the Forks of De»» 
laware. Through rich grace, none of them, as yet, have been 
left to disgrace tneir profession of Christianity, by any scanda- 
lous or unbecoming behaviour. 

^ *' I might now properly make many remarks on a work of 
grace, so very remarkable as this has been in various respects ; 
but shall confine myself to a few general hints only. 

"1. It is remarkable, that God began this work among the 
Indians at a time when I had the least hope, and, to my appre- 
hension, the least rational prospect of sceinff a work of grace 
propagated among them : my bodily strength being then much 
wasted by a late tedious journey to the Susquehannah, where 
I was necessarily ejxposed to hardships and fatigues among the 
Indians : my mind being, also, exceedingly depressed with a 
view of the unsuccessfulness of my labours. I had little reason 
so much as to hope, that God had made me instrumental in the 
saving conversion of any of the Indians, except my interpreter 
and his wife. Hence I was ready to look upon myself as a 
burden to the honourable society which employed and support- 
ed me in this business, and began to entertain serious thought^ 
of giving up my mission ; and almost resolved, I would do so 
at we conclusion of the present year, if I had then no better 

F respect of special success in my work than I had hitherto had. 
cannot say that I entertained these thoughts because I was 
weary of the labours and fatigues which necessarily attended 
my'^present business, or because I had light and freedona in my 
own mind to turn 'any other way ; but purely through dejection 
of spirit, pressing discouragement, and an apprehension of its 
being unjust to spend money consecrated to religious uses, only 
to civilize the Indians, and bring them to an external profession 


guage, by remarkably fitting my interpreter for, and assisting 
him in the performance of his work. It mi^ht reasonably be 
supposed I must needs labour under a vast disadvantage in ad- 
dressing the Indians by an Interpreter ; and that divine truths 
would undoubtedly lose much of the energy and pathos with 
which they might at first be delivered, by reason oi their com- 
ing to the audience from a second hand. But althou^ this 
has often, to my sorrow and discouragement, been the case in 
times past, when my interpreter had little or no sense of divine 
things ; yet now it was quite otherwise. I cannot think my ad- 
dresses to the Indians ordinarily, since the beginning of this 
season of grace have lost any thing of the power or pungency 
with which they were made, unless it were sometimes for want 
of pertinent and pathetic terms and expressions in the Indian 
language ; which difficulty could not have been much redressed 
by my personal acquaintance with their language. My inter- 
preter had before gained some good degree of £>ctrm(U know* 
ledge, whereby he was rendered capable of understanding, and 
coipmunicating, without mistakes, the intent and meantng of 
my discourses, and that without being confined strictly and 
obliged to interpret verbatim. He had Hkewise, to appearance, 
an experimental acquaintance with divine things; and it 
pleased God at this season to inspire his mind with longinff 
desires for the conversion of the Indians, and to give him admi- 
rable zeal and fervency in addressing them in order thereto. 
It is remarkable, that, when I was favoured with any special 
assistance in any work, and enabled to speak with more than 
common freedom^ fercency^ and j90M?er, under a lively and of' 
fecting sense of divine things, he was usually affected in the 
same manner almost instantly, and seemed at once quickened 
and enabled to speak in the same pathetic language, and under 
the same influence that 1 did. A surprising energy often ac- 
companied the word at such seasons ; so that the face of the 
whole assembly would be apparently changed almost in an in- 
stant, and tears and sobs became common among them. 

" He also appeared to have such a clear doctrinal view of 
God's usual methods of dealing with souls under a preparatory 
work of conviction and humiliation as he never had before ; so 
that I could, with his help, discourse freely with the distressed 
persons about their internal exercises, their fears, discourage- 
inents, temptations, &c. He likewise took pains day and 
night to repeat and inculcate upon the minds of the Indians 
the truths which I taught them daily ; and this he appeared 
to do, not from spiritual pride, and an affectation of setting 
himself up as a public teacher ^^ but from a spirit of faithfulness, 
and an honest concern for their souls. 

" His conversation among the Indians has likewise, so far 
as I know, been savoury, as becomes a Christian, and a per- 


6on employed in his work ; and I may justly say, he has been 
a great comfort to me, and a great instrument of promoting 
this good work among the Indians ; so that whatever be the 
state of his own soul, it is apparent God has remarkably fitted 
him for this work. Thus God has manifested that, without 
bestowing on me the gift of tongues^ he could find a way 
wherein I might be as effectually enabled to convey the truths 
of his glorious gospel to the minds of these poor benighted 

5. ^' It is further remarkable, that God has carried on his 
work here by such means and in such a manner^ as tended to 
obviate, and leave no room, for those prejudices and objections 
which have often been raised against such a work. When 
persons have be^n awakened to a solemn concern for their 
souls, by hearing the move awful truths of God^s word, and 
the terrors of the divine law insisted upon, it has usually m 
such cases been objected by some, that such persons were 
oaly^frighted with h. fearful noise of hell and damnation ; and 
that there was no evidence that their concern was the effect 
of a divine influence. But God has left no room for this ob- 
jection in the present case ; this work of grace hailing been 
oegun and carried on^ by almost one continued strain of gospel 
VKnilation to perishing sinners. This may reasonably be 
guessed, from a view of the passages of scripture I chiefly 
insisted upon in my discourses from time to time ; which I 
have for that purpose inserted in my Diary. 

^ Nor have I ever seen so seneral an "awakening in any 
aiBembly in my life as appeared here while I was opening and 
insisting upon the parable of the great supper — Luke xiv. In 
which discourse, I was enabled to set before my hearers, the 
unsearchable riches of gospel grace. Not that I would be 
understood here, that I never instructed the Indians respecting 
their fallen state, and the sinfulness and misery of it : for this 
was what I at first, chiefly insisted upon with them, and en- 
deavoured to repeat and inculcate in almost every discourse, 
knowing that without this foundation, I should but build upon 
the sand, and that it would be in vain to invite them to Christ 
unless I could convince them of their need of him. — Mark 
ii. 17. 

^ But still this great awakening, this surprising concern, was 
never excited by any harangues of terror, but always appeared 
most remarkable when I insisted upon the compassion of a 
dying Saviour, the plentiful provisions of the gospel, and the 
firee offers of divine grace, to needy, distressed sinners. Nor 
wcHild I be understood to insinuate, that such a religious con- 
cern might justly be suspected as not being genuine, and from 
a divine influence, because produced from the preaching of 
terror: for this is perhaps, God^s more usual way of awakening 


sinners, and appears entirely agreeable to scripture and sound 
reason. But what I meant here to obsen'e is, that God saw fit 
to employ and bless milder means for the effectual awakening 
of these Indians, and thereby obviated the forementioned ob- 
jection, which the world might otherwise have had a more 
plausible colour of making. 

" As there has been no room for any plausible objection 
against this work, with regard to the means ; so neither with 
regard to the manner in which it has been carried on. It is 
true, persons* concern for their souls has been exceeding great ; 
the convictions of their sin and misery have arisen to a high 
degree, and produced many tears, cries, and groans ; but then 
they have not been attended with those disorders^ either bodily 
or mental, which have sometimes prevailed among persons 
under religious impressions. There has here been no appear^ 
ance of those convulsions^ bodily agonies ^frightful screamings, 
stvoonings^ and the like, which have been so much complied 
of in some places ; although there have been some, who, with 
the jailer, have been made to tremble under a sense of their 
sin and misery ; numbers who have been made to cry out from 
a distressing view of their perishing state ; — and some, who 
have been for a time, in a great measure, deprived of theif 
bodily strength, yet without any such convulsive appearances. 

"Nor has there been any appearance of mental disorders 
here, such as visions^ trances^ imaginations of being under pro- 
phetic inspiration, and the like ; or scarce any unbecoming dis-^ 
position to appear remarkably affected either with concern or 
joy ; though I must confess, I observed one or two persons, 
whose concern I thought was in a considerable measure affected; 
and one whose ^oy appeared to be of the same kind. But these 
workings of spiritual pride I endeavoured to crush in their 
first appearances, and have not since observed any affection, 
either of joy or sorrow, but what appeared genuine and un- 
affected. But, 

6thly and lastly^ The effects of this work have likewise been 
very renriarkable. I doubt not but that many of these people 
have gained more doctrinal knowledge of divine truths, since I 
first visited them in June last, than could have been instilled 
into their minds by the most diligent use of proper and instruc- 
tive nieans for whole years together, without such a divine in- 
fluence. Their pagan notions and idolatrous practices, seem 
to be entirely abandoned in these parts. They are regulated, 
and appear regularly disposed in the affairs of marriage ; an 
instance whereof I have given in my journal of August 14. 
They seem generally divorced from drunkenness^ their darling 
vice, the " sin that easily besets them ;" so that I do not know 
of more than two or three who have been my steady hearers, 
that have drunk to excess since I first visited them ; although 

lefore it was common for some or other of them to be drunk al- 
D06t every day : and some of them seem now to fear this sin in 
tarticular, more than death itself. A principle of honesty and 
Ofiftice appears in many of them ; and they seem concerned 

discharge their old debts, which they have neglected, and 
erhaps scarcely thought of for years past. Their manner 
f living, is much more decent and comfortable than formerly, 
Etving now the benefit of that money which they used to 
DQsume upon strong drink. Love seems to rei^n among them, 
|H3cially those who have given evidences of having passed a 
iving change : and I never saw any appearance of bitterness 
'cmuoriousness in these, nor any disposition to ^^ esteem them-. 
Ives better than others," who had not received the like 

**As their sorrows under convictions have been great and 
Qssing, so many of them have since appeared to " rejoice 
th ioy unspeakable, and full of glory ;" and yet I never saw 
J tning ecstatic or flightly in their joy. Their consolatioiis 
> not incline them to lightness ; but, on the contrary, are at- 
ided with solemnity, and oftentimes with tears, and an ap- 
rent brokenness of heart, .as may be seen in several passages 
my diaiy. In this respect, some of them have been surprised 
themselves, and have with concern observed to me, that 
irhen their hearts have been glad," which is a phrase they 
nmonly make use of to express spiritual joy, " they could not 
p crying for all." 

^ And now, upon the whole, I think, I may justly say, that 
e are all the symptoms and evidences of a remarkable work 
^ace among these Indians, which can reasonably be desired 
expected. May the great Author of this work maintain and 
mote the same here^ and propagate it every where^ till " the 
ole earth be filled with his glory !" Amen. 
• I have now rode more than three thousand miles, of which 
ave kept an exact account, since the beginning of March 
:, and almost the whole of it has been in my own proper 
iiness as a missionary, upon the design, either immediately, 
more remotely, of propagating Christian knowledge among 

Indians. I have taken pains to look out for a colleague 
zampanion, to travel with me ; and have likewise used en- 
Lvours to procure something for his support, among religious 
sons in New England, which cost me a journey of several 
idred miles in length ; but have not, as yet, found any per- 

qualified and disposed for this good work, although I had 
16 encouragement from ministers and others, that it was 
»ed a maintenance might be procured for one, when the 

1 should be found. 

I have likewise of late, represented to the gentlemen con- 
ned with this mission, the necessity of having an EngUsh 
Jot. X. 31 


school speedily set up among these Indians, who are now wiUiag 
to be at the pains of gathering together in a body, for tUa p«^ 
pose. In Older thereto, I have humbly proposed to them dM 
collecting of money for the maintenance of a school-mastflr, 
and the defraying of other necessary charges, in the pnomotioii 
of this good work ; which they are now attempting in the seve- 
ral congregations of Christians to which they respectively be- 

^vThe several companies of Indians to whom I have preached 
in the summer past, live at great distances from each other. 
It is more than seventy miles from Crossweeksung, in New 
Jersey, to the Forks of Delaware in Pennsylvania ; and thence 
to sundr]r of the Indian settlements which I visited on Suscpie- 
hannah, is more than an hundred and twenty miles. So moch 
of my time is necessarily consumed in joume3ring, that I can 
have but little for any of m^ necessary studies, and consequent- 
ly for the study of the Indian languages in particular ; and es- 
pecially seeinff I am obliged to discourse so frequendy to the 
Indians at each of these places while I am with mem, m order 
to redeem time to visit the rest. I am, at times, almost db* 
couraged from attempting to gain any acquaintance with the 
Indian languages, they are so very numerous ; some account 
of which I save in my diary of May last ; and especially, seeing 
my other labours and fatigues engross almost the whole of my 
time, and bear exceedingly hard upon my constituiian, so that 
my health is much impaired. — However, I have taken consider- 
able pains to learn the Delaware language, and propose still to 
do so, as far as my other business and bodily health will ad- 
mit. I have already made some proficiency in it, though I have 
laboured under many and great disadvantages in my attempts 
of that nature. It is but just to observe here, that all the pams 
I took to acquaint myself with the language of the Indians 
with whom I spent my first year, were of little or no service to 
me here among the Delawares ; so that my work, when I came 
among these Indians, was all to begin anew. 

" As these poor ignorant Pagans stood in need of having 
" line upon line, and precept upon precept," in order to their 
being instructed and grounded in the principles of Christianity; 
so I preached " publicly, and taught from house to house," al- 
most every day for whole weeks together, when I was with 
them. My ptAlic discourses did not then make up the one 
half of my work, while there were so many constantly coming 
to me with that important inquiry, " What must we do to be 
saved ?" and opening to me the various exercises of their minds. 
Yet 1 can say to the praise of rich grace, that the apparent 
success with which my labours were crowned, unspeakably 
more than compensated for the labour itself, and was likewise 
a great means of supporting and carrying me through the busi- 


ss and fatigues, which, it seems, my nature would have sunk 
der, without such an encouraging prospect. But although 
is success has afforded matter of support, comfort, and thank- 
iness ; yet in this season I have found great need of assistance 
my work, and have been much oppressed for want of one to 
ar a part of my labours and hardships. '^ May the Lord of 
3 harvest send forth other labourers into this part of his har- 
It, that those who sit in darkness may see great light ; and 
It the whole earth mav be filled with the knowledge of him- 
fl Amen." 


From the close of the Jirst part of his " Journal," JVbu.5, 1745, 
to the I9th of June^ 1746 ; when the second part of his Jour- 
nal terminated. This^ and the preceding chaj^ter^ occupy 
one year — the most interesting year of Brainera^s Life, 

Os Tuesday^ Nov, 5, Brainerd left the Indians, and spent 
the remaining part of this week in travelling to various parts of 
New-Jersey, m order to get a collection for the use of the In- 
dians, and to obtain a schoolmaster to instruct them. In the 
mean-time, he speaks of very sweet refreshment and entertain- 
ment with christian friends, and of being sweetly employed 
while riding, in meditation on divine subjects ; his heart being 
enlarged, his mind clear, his spirit refreshed with divine truths, 
and his ^' heart burning within him while he went by the way, 
and the Lord opened to him the scriptures." 

Lord^s day^ Nov, 10. [At Elizabeth Town.} " Was com- 
fortable in the morning both in body and mind : preached m 
the forenoon from 2 Cor. v. 20. Now then we are ambassa- 
dors for Christy &c. God was pleased to give me freedom 
and fervency in my discourse ; and the presence of God seem- 
ed to be in the assembly ; numbers were affected, and there 
were many tears among them. In the afternoon, preached 
from Luke xiv. 22. And yet there is room. Was favoured 
with divine assistance in the first prayer, and poured out my 
soul to God with a filial temper ; the living God also assisted 
me in the sermon." 

The next day he went to Newtown on Long Island, to a 
meeting of the Presbytery. He speaks of some sweet medita- 
tio s which he had while there, on Christ's delivering up the 
kirgdom to the Father ; and of his soul being much refreshed 
and warmed with the consideration of that blissfiil day. - 

Nov, 15. " Could not cross the ferry by reason of the violence 
of the wind ; nor could I enjoy any place of retirement at the 
Ft ry-house ; so that I was in perplexity. Yet God gave me 
SOI e satisfaction and sweetness in meditation, and in lifting up 
m) heart to him in the midst of company. Although some 
we: drinking and talking profanely, which was indeed a grief 
to n*e, yet my mind was calm and composed ; and I could not 


but bless God, that I was not likely to spend an eternity in such 
company. In the evening I sat down and wrote with compo- 
sure and freedom ; and can say through pure grace it was a 
comfortable evening to my soul ; an evening which I was ena- 
bled to spend in the service of God. 

Nov. 16. " Crossed the ferry about ten o'clock, and arrived 
at Elizabeth Town near night. Was in a calm, composed 
frame of mind, and felt an entire resignation, with respect 
to a loss I had lately sustained in having my horse stolen from 
me the last Wednesday night, at Newtown. Had some long- 
ings of soul for the dear people of Elizabeth Town, that God 
would pour out his Spirit upon them, and revive his work 
among them.'' 

He spent the next four days at Elizabeth Town, for the 
most part in a free and comfortable state of mind ; intensely 
engaged in the service of God, and enjoying at times the 
special assistance of his Spirit. On Thursday of this week 
he rode to Freehold, and spent the day under considerable de- 

Nov. 22. " Rode to Mr. Tennent's, and from thence to Cross- 
weeksung. Had but little freedom in meditation while riding ; 
which was a grief and burden to my soul. O that I could ml 
up all my time, whether in the house or by the way, for God. 
I was enabled, I think, this day to sive up my soul to God, 
and put over all his concerns into his hands ; and found some 
real consolation in the thought of being entirely at the divine 
disposal, and having no will or interest of my own. I have 
received my all from God ; O that I could return my all to 
God ! Surely God is worthy of my highest affections and most 
devout adoration ; he is infinitely worthy that I should make 
him my last end, and live for ever to him. O that I might 
never more, in any one instance, live to myself! 

Lord^s day^ Nov. 34.* " Preached both parts of the day 
from the story of Zaccheus, Luke xix. 1 — ^9. In the latter 
exercise, when I opened and insisted upon the salvation that 
comes to a sinner upon his becoming a son of Abraham or a 
true behever, the word seemed to be attended with divine 
power to the hearts of the hearers. Numbers were much af- 
fected with divine truths ; former convictions were revived ; 
one or two persons newly awakened ; and a most affectionate 
engagement in divine service appeared among them universally. 
The impressions they were under appeared to be the genuine 
effect of God's word brought home to their hearts by the 
power and influence of the Divine Spirit. 

"^ The second part of the Jovrval began here. 


Nov. 26. " After having spent some time in private con- 
ferences with my people, I discoursed publicly among them 
from John v. 1 — 9. I was favoured with some special freedom 
and fervency in my discourse, and a powerful energy accom- 
panied divine truths. Many wept and sobbed affectionately, 
and scarcely any appeared unconcerned in the whole assembly. 
The influence which seized the audience, appeared gentle, and 
yet pungent and efficacious. It produced no boisterous com- 
motions of the passions ; but seemed deeply to affect the 
heart, and excite in the persons under convictions of their lost 
state, heavy groans and tears: and in others, wlio had ob- 
tained comfort, a sweet and humble melting. It seemed like 
the gentle but steady showers which effectually water the 
earth, without violently beating upon the surface. The per- 
sons lately awakened were some of them deeply distressed for 
their souls, and appeared earnestly solicitous to obtain an 
interest in Christ : and some of them, after public worship 
was over, in anguish of spirit, said ^ they knew not whajt to 
do, nor how to get their wicked hearts changed.'' &c. 

Nov. 28. '^ Discoursed to the Indians publicly, after having 
used some private endeavours to instruct and excite some in 
the duties of Christianity. Opened and made remarks upon 
the sacred story of our Lord's transfiguration, Luke ix. 38—36. 
Had a principal view in insisting upon this passage of scripture 
to the edification and consolation of God's people. Ob^rved 
some, that I have reason to think are truly such, exceedingly 
affected with an account of the glory- of Christ in his trans- 
figuration, and filled with longing desires of being with him, 
that they might with open face behold his glory. 

" After public service was over, I asked one of them, who 
wept and sobbed most affectionately, What she now wanted ? 
She replied, " O, to be with Christ. She did not know how to 
stay," &c. This was a blessed refreshing season to the religious 
people in general. The Lord Jesus Christ seemed to manifest 
his divine glory to them, as when transfigured before his dis- 
ciples ; and they were ready with the disciples universally to 
say, " Lord it is good for us to be here." 

" The influence of God's word was not confined to those 
who had given evidence of being truly gracious ; though at 
this time Icalculated my discourse for and directed it chiefly 
to such. But it appeared to be a season of Divine power in 
the whole assembly ; so that most were in some measure af- 
fected. One aged man, in particular, lately awakened, was 
now brought under a deep and pressing concern for his soul, 
was now earnestly inquisitive ^' how he might find Jesus 
Christ." God seems still to vouchsafe his divine presence, 
and the influence of his blessed Spirit to accompany his word, 
at least in some measure, in all our meetings for divine 


" I enjoyed some divine comfort and fervency in the public 
exercise and afterwards. While riding to my lodgings, viras 
favoured with some sweet meditations on Luke ix. 31. «^ Who 
appeared in glory, and spake of his decease, which he should 
accomplish at Jerusalem.^' My thoughts ran with freedom ; 
and I saw and felt what a glorious subject the death of Christ 
is for glorified souls to dwell upon in their conversation. O the 
death of Christ ! how infinitely precious ! 

Nov. 30. ^^ Preached near night, after having spent some 

hours in private conference with some of my people about their 

souls^ concerns. Explained and insisted upon the story of the 

rich man and Lazarus, Luke xvi. 19 — ^26. The wcM-d made 

powerful impressions upon many in the assembly, especially 

while I discoursed of the blessedness of Lazarus in Abraham^s 

bosom. This I could perceive affected them much more than 

what I spoke of the rich man^s misery and torments ; and thus 

it has been usually with them. They have almost always ap* 

peared much more affected with the comfortable than the 

dreadful truths of God^s word. That which has distressed 

many of them under conviction is, that they found they wanted, 

and could not obtain, the happiness of the godly ; at least, 

they have often appeared to be more affected with this than 

with the terrors of hell. But whatever be the means of their 

awakening, it is plain, numbers are made deepljr' sensible of 

their sin and misery, the wickedness and stubbornness of their 

own hearts, their utter inability to help themselves, or to come 

to Christ for help, without divine assistance ; and so are brought 

to see their perishing need of Christ to do all for them and to 

lie at the foot of sovereign mercy. 

Lord^s day^ Dec, 1. " Discoursed to my people in the fore- 
noon from Luke xvi. 27 — 31. There appeared an unfeigned 
affection in divers persons, and some seemed deeply impressed 
with divine truths.' In the afternoon, preached to a number of 
vdiite people ; at which time the Indians attended with dili- 
gence, and many of them were unable to understand a consider- 
able part of the discourse. At night discoursed to my people 
again, and gave them particular cautions and directions rela- 
ting to their conduct in divers respects, and pressed them to 
watchfulness in their deportment, seeing they were encompassed 
with those who waited for their halting, and who stood ready 
to draw them into temptations of every kind, and then to ex- 
pose religion by their missteps. 

Dec. 2. " Was much affected with grief that I had not lived 
more to God ; and felt strong resolutions to double my diligence 
in my Master's service." 

After this he went to a meeting of the Presbytery, at a place 
in New Jersey, called Connecticut Farms ; which occasioned 

24S It£ll0l&8 OF BRAWUU9* 

his abflence from his people the remainder of the weeL He 
speakf c^ some seasons of sweetness and spiritoal aflfoction in 

his absence. 


LanTs day, Dec. 8. ^ Discoursed on the story of the Uind 
man, John ix. Th^ie appeared no remarkable effect of the. 
word upon the assembly at this time. The persons who have 
lately been much concerned for their souls, seemed now not ao 
affected nor solicitous to obtain an interest in Christ as has 
been usual ; although they attended divine service with smoua- 
ness and diligence. Such have been the doings o{ the Lwd 
here in awanning sinners, and affecting the hearts of thoae. 
who are brou^t to solid comfort with a fresh sense of divine 
thmasy from tune to time, that it is now strange to see the aa- 
sembly sit with dry eyes and without sobs and groans. ... 
. Dec; 0.'^ Spent most of the day in procuring {Hfovisions in 
order to mv setting up house-keeping among the Indiana 
Enjoyed little satisfaction through the day, being very much out 
of my element. 

Dec. 10. ^^ Was engaged in the same business as yesterday^ 
Towards night got into my house.* 

Dec 1 1. ^^ Spent the forenoon in necessary labours about my 
house. In the afternoon rode out upon business ; and spent tlis 
evening with some satisfaction among -friends in conversation 
on a serious and profitable subject 

Dec. 12. ^^ Preached from tne parable of the Ten Virgms, 
Matt XXV. The divine power seemed in some measure to at- 
tend this discourse ; in which I was favoured with uncommon 
freedom land plainness of address, and enabled to open divine 
truths, and explain them to the capacities of my people in a 
manner beyond myself. There appeared in many persons an 
affectionate concern for their souls, although the concern in 
general seemed not so deep and pressing as it had formerly 
done. Yet it was refreshing to see many melted into tears and 
unaffected sobs ; some with a sense of divine love, and some 
for the want of it. 

Dec. 13. ^^ Spent the day mainly in labour about my house. 
In the evening, spent some time in writing; but was veiy , 
weary and much outdone with the labour of the day. 

Dec. 14. " Rose early, and wrote by candle-li^ht some con- 
sidei^ble time : spent most of the day in writmg, but was 
somewhat dejected. In the evening was exercis^ with pain 
in my head. 

Dec. 15. " Preached to the Indians from Luke xiii. 24 — ^28. 
Divine truth fell with weight and power upon the audience 

* This is the third house that he built to dwell in among: the Indians. The 
first at Kaunaumeek, county of Albany ; the second at the Forks of Delaware; 
the third at Crossweeksang^, New-Jersey. 


and seemed to reach the hearts of many. Near night dis- 
coursed to them again from Matt. xxv. 31—46. At this season 
also the word appeared to be accompanied with a divine in- 
fluence, and made powerful impressions upon the assembly in 
general, as well as upon numbers in a very special and par- 
ticular manner. This was an amazing season of grace. 
" The word of the Lord," this day, " was quick and power- 
ful, sharper than a two edged sword," and pierced the 
hearts oi many. The assembly was greatly affected and 
deeply wrought upon ; yet without so much apparent commo- 
tion of the passions as appeared in the beginning of this 
work of grace. The impressions made by the word of God 
upon the audience appeared solid, rational, and deep ; worthy 
of the solemn truths by which they were produced ; and far 
from being the eflects of any sudden fright or groundless per- 
turbation of mind. O, how did the hearts of the hearers seem 
to bow under the weight of divine truths ; and how evident 
did it now appear, that they received and felt them, " not as 
the word of man, but as the word of God." None can form 
a just idea of the appearance of our assembly at this time but 
those who have seen a congregation solemnly awed, aind 
deeply impressed by the special power and influence of divine 
truths delivered to them in the name of God. 

Dec. 16. " Discoursed to my people in the evening from 
Luke xi. 1 — 13. After having insisted some time upon the 
ninth verse, wherein there is a command and encouragement 
to ask for the divine favour, I called upon them to ask for a 
new heart with the utmost importunity ; as the man mentioned 
in the parable, on which I was discoursing, pleaded for loaves 
of bread at midnight. There was much affection and con- 
cern in the assembly, and especially one woman appeared in 
great distress for her soul. She was brought to such an agony 
in seeking after Christ, that the sweat ran off her face for a 
considerable time together ; (although the evening was very 
cold ;) and her bitter cries were the most affecting indications 
of her heart." 

The remainder of this day he spent chiefly in writing ; some 
part of the time under a degree of melancholy ; but some 
part of it with a sweet ardency in religion. 

Dec, 21. " My people having now attained to a considerable 
degree of knowledge in the principles of Christianity ; I 
thought it proper to set up a catechetical lecture among them ; 
and this evening attempted something in that form ; proposing 
questions to them agreeably to the Assembly's Shorter 
Catechbm, receiving their answers, and then explaioing and 
insisting as appeared necessary and proper upon each question. 

Vol. X. 32 


After thiB I endeaToured to make aonie iHrtclical impraf enoant 
of the whole. This was the mediod I enteied i4><hbu Thij 
were able readily and rationally^ to answer many HqiorCavt 
questions which I proposed to them; so. that, iqrah trialfl 
found thdr doctrinal knowled|^ to exceed my omn (riipeiO 
tions. In the improvement otmy disooune, whsii I came la 
infer and open the blessedness of those, who hate so gseil 
and glorious a God, as had before been spoken (Kf, ^fer Ifaair 
everlasting friend and pmtion ;*^ several were mneh alfeelsdt 
and especially when 1 exhorted, and endeavov^ed to p e i s mdd 
them to be reconciled to (rod throng bis dear Qcm^ 9Stiiim 
to secure an interest in his everlastmjg finroor. So thai Ihsf 
appeared not only enHchtened and mstmcled, h«l aileflisS 
and engaged in their soul's cimcem by this method of diseetn* 
in^. After mv labours with the Indums, I spent some tiiaaai 
writing some things divine and solemn ; said wasmudh i xwi iedt 
with me labours of the day, found that my spmts wesa ex- 
tremely spent, and that I could do no more. I am eonsdoas 
to myself, that my labours are as great and constant as mv ■»> 
ture will admit ; and ordinarily I go to the extent el my 
strength, so that I do all I can : but the misery is 1 do nel 
labour with that heavenly temper, that sinsde eye to the riosy 
of God, that I long for/' 

LorePs day^ "Dec. 32. ^^ Discoursed upon the stovy of the 
young man in the Gospel, Matt ix. 16—22. God made it a 
seasonable word, I am persuaded, to some souls. Theie weie 
several of the Indians newly come here, who had frequently 
lived among Quakers; and, being more civilized aiMi con- 
formed to Enf^lish manners than the generality of the Indians, 
they had imbibed some of the Quakers' errors, especially this 
fondamental one, viz. ThcA^ if men wUl but ln>e soberfy tmd 
honestly according to the dictates of their own conscietux9y or 
the light within, there is then no danger or doubt of their sat- 
vation. These persons I found much worse to deal with than 
those who are wholly under Psjgan darkness ; who make no 
pretences to knowledge in Christianity at all, nor have any 
self-righteous foundation to stand upon. However, they all, 
except one, appeared now convinced that this sober honest life 
of itself was not sufficient to salvation ; since Christ himeelf 
had declared it so in the case of the young man. They 
seemed in some measure concerned to obtain that change of 
heart, the necessity of which I had been labouring to show 

This was likewise a season of comfort to some souls, and in 
particular to one, the same mentioned in my journal of the 16th 
mstani, who never before obtained any settled comfort, though 
I have abundant reason to think she had passed a saving change 
some days before. She now appeared m a heavenly Iraune of 
mind, composed, and delightedf with the divine will. When I 


came to discourse particularly with her, and to inquire of her, 
how she obtained relief and deliverance from the spiritual dis- 
tresses which she had lately suffered ; she answered, in broken 
£nglish,* " Me try^ me try save myself; last^ my strength be 
aUgone; (meaning her ability to save herself;) could not me 
9tir bit further. Den last me forced let Jesus Christ alone send 
me hellj if he please.'^'* I said, ^' But^ you was not willing to go 
to heU ; was you ?'*'* She replied, ^' Could not me help it. my 
hearty he would wicked for all. Could not me make him good, 
(meaning, she saw it was right she should go to hell, because 
ker heart was wicked, and would be so after all she could do to 
mend it.) I asked her, how she got out of this case. She 
answered still in the same broken language, " By by, my heart 
be glad desperately.^'* I asked heir, why her heart was glad ? 
She replied, ^^ Glad my heart, Jesus Christ do what he please 
with me. Den me tink, glad my heart Jesus Christ send me to 
heU. Did not me care where he put me / love him for alV^ ^. 
She could not readily be convinced, but that she was wilhne 
to go to hell if Christ was pleased to send her there ; although 
the truth evidently was, that her will was so swallowed up in 
the divine will, that she could not frame any hell in her imagin- 
ation which would be dreadful or undesirable, provided it was 
the will of God to send her to it. Toward night discoursed to 
them again in the catechetical method, which I entered upon 
the evening before. When I came to improve the truth which 
I had explained to them, and to answer that question, '^ But 
how shall I know whether God has chosen me to everlasting 
life ?" by pressing them to come and give up their hearts to 
Christ, and thereby " to make their election sure," they then 
appeared much affected: and persons under concern were 
afresh engaged in seeking after an interest in him ; while some 
others, who had obtained comfort before, were refreshed to find 
that love to God in themselves, which was an evidence of his 
electing love to them. 

Dec. 23 and 24 " Spent three days in writing with the utmost 
diligence. Felt in the main a sweet mortification to the world, 
and a desire to live and labour only for God ; but wanted paore 
warmth and spirituality, and a more sensible and affectionate 
regard for the glory of God. 

Dec. 25. " The Indians having been used on Christmas-days 
to drink and revel among some of the white people in these 
parts ; I thought it proper this day to call them together and 
discourse to them upon divine things ; which I accordingly did 
from the parable of the barren fig-tree, Luke xiii. 6 — 9. A di- 
vine influence, I am persuaded, accompanied the word at this 

* In proper English, «« Itried^ and tried to save myself, till at last my strength 
was aU gone, and I could not stir any further. Then I was at last obliged to let 
Jesus Christ alone, to send me to hell if he pleased. 

5i53 MCJIOIR8 or braihk&d. 

season. The power of Grod appeared in the assembly^ nol 1^ 
producing any remarkable crisis, but by rovufing seraral stand 
creatures, who were scarcely ever moved with anv coneeni d»- 
fore. The power attending divine truths seemw to have the 
influence of the earthquake rather than of the whiriwmd apan 
them. Their passions were not so much alarmed as ha» been 
common here in times past, but their judgments appeared to be 
powerfiilly convinced by the masterly and conquering inflnenee 
of divine truths. The impressions made upon the a a s omt ^ m 

general, seemed not superficial, but deep and heart-aflbeti^g. 
I how ready did they now appear universally to embrace aM 
comply with every thmg which they heard, and were convineed 
was their dutf. God was in the midst of us of a tnilli, bow* 
ing and melting stubborn hearts I How many tears and sobs 
were then to be seen and heard amone us ! What liveliness aiMl 
strict attention I What eagerness and intenseness of mind q^ 
peared in the whole assembly, in the time of Divine serviee. 
They seemed to watch and wait for the droppings of GkNhi 
word, as the thirsty earth for the '•^ former and latter rain.** 

^^ Afterwards I discoursed to them on the duty of hnsbands 
and wives, from Epb. v. 33, 33. and have reasim to tfiink this 
WBs a word in season. Spent some time further in die ey eai ag 
in inculcating the truths on which I had insisted in mv fbnner 
discourse respectinir the barren fiir-tree ; and observea a now- 
erfiil influence accLpany what was spoken. 

Dec. 36. *'*' This evening was visited by a person under ^reat 
spiritual distress ; the most remarkable instance of this kmd I 
ever saw. She was I believe more than fourscore years old ; 
and appeared to be much broken and very childish through age ; 
so that it seemed impossible for man to instil into her any noti<Hi8 
of Divine things ; not so much as to give her any doctrinal in- 
struction, because she seemed incapable of being taught She 
was led by the hand into my house, and appeared in eztrraie 
anguish. I asked her, what ailed her ? She answered, her heart 
was distressed, and she feared she should never find ChrisL I 
asked her when she began to be concerned, with divers other 
questions relating to her distress. To all which she answered, 
for substance, to this effect : That she had heard me preach 
many times^ but never knew any thing about «>, never fdi it in 
her hearty till the last Sabbath^ and then it came^ she said, all one 
as if a needle had been thrust into her heart ; since which time^ 
she had no rest day nor night. She added, that on the evening 
before Christmas ^a number of Indians being together at the house 
where she was^ and discoursing about Christy their talk pricked 
her heart so tliat she could not set up, but fell down in her bed; 
at which time she went away, as she expressed it, and felt as if 
she dreamed, and yet is confident she did not dream. When she 
was thus gone, she saw two paths ; one appeared very broad 


mnd crooked^ and that turned to the left hand. The other ap- 
peared straight J and very narrow ; and that went up the hill to 
the right hand. She travelled, she said, /or some time up the 
narrow right hand path, till at length something seemed to oh- 
struct her journey. She sometimes calied it darkness ; and then 
described it otherwise, and seemed to compare it to a block or 
bar. She then remembered what she had heard me say about 
striving to enter in at the strait gate, although she took little 
notice of it at the time when she heard me discourse upon that 
fubjed ; and thought she would climb over this bar. But 
just as she was thinking of this, she came back again, as she 
termed it, meaning that she came to herself^ whereupon her soul 
was extremely distressed, apprehending that she had now turned 
hack, and forsaken Christ, and that there was therefore no hope 
of mercy for her. 

^^ As 1 was sensible that trances, and imaginary views of things 
are of dangerous tendency in religion, where sought after and 
depended upon ; so I could not but be much concerned about 
this exercise, especially at first ; apprehending this might be a 
design of Satan to bring a blemish upon the work of God here, 
by introducing visionary scenes, imaginary terrors, and all man- 
ner of mental disorders and delusions, in the room of genuine 
convictions of sin, and the enlightening influences of the bless- 
ed Spirit ; and 1 was almost resolved to declare, that I looked 
upon this to be one of Satan's devices, and to caution my peo- 
ple against this and similar exercises of that nature. However, 
I determined first to inquire into her knowledge, to see whe- 
ther she had any just views of things which misht be the occa- 
sion of her present distressing concern, or whether it was a 
mere fright, arising only from imaginary terrors. I asked her 
divers questions respecting man's primitive, and more espe- 
cially, his present state, and respecting her own heart ; which 
she answered rationally, and to my surprise. I thought it next 
to impossible, if not altogether so, that a Pagan, who was be- 
come a child through age, should in that state gain so much 
knowledge by any mere human instruction, without being re- 
markably enlightened by a divine influence. I then proposed 
to her the provision made in the Gospel for the salvation of sin- 
ners, and the ability and willingness of Christ " to save to the 
uttermost all, old as well as young, that come to him.'' To this 
she seemed to give a hearty assent ; but instantly replied, " Aye, 
but I cannot come ; my wicked heart will not come to Christ ; 
I do not know how to come," &c. This she spoke in anguish 
of spirits, striking on her breast, with tears in her eyes, and with 
such earnestness in her looks, as was indeed piteous and affect- 
ing. She seems to be really convinced of her sin and misery, 
and her need of a change of heart. Her concern is abiding 
and constant, so that nothing appears why this exercise may 



they soon came in, one after another, with team in their e] 
taknow ** what they should do to be saved.^ The divine 
rit in such a manner set home upon then* hearts what I 
to them, that the house was soon filled with cries and groam* 
They all flocked together upon this occasion ; and those ^riioai 
I had reason to think in a Christless state, were almost 1miTe^ 
sally seized with concern for their souls. It was an »™""»| 
season of power among them ; and seemed as if Grod hra 
bowed the heavens and come down. So astonishingly previr 
lent was the operation upon old as well as young, that it seemed 
as if none would be left in a secure and natural state, but tint 
God was now about to convert all the world. I was ready 
to think then, that I should never affain despair of the conver- 
sion of any man or woman living, be they who or wbai tbey 

^* It is impossible to give a just and lively description of liie 
appearance of things at this season ; at least sucn as to oeih 
vey a bright and adequate idea of the effects of this inflimica 
A number might now be seen rejoicins that God had not taluBii 
away the powerful influence of his Messed Spirit from tUi 
place ; refireshed to see so many striving to enter in at tflB 
strait gate ; and animated with such concern for them, that 
they wanted to push them forward, as some of them ezpraised 
it At the same time numbers, both of men and women, old 
and young, might be seen in tears ; and some in anguish '<df 
spirit appearing in their very countenances, like coimenined 
malefactors bound towards the place of execution, with a heavy 
solicitude sitting in their faces ; so that there seemed here, as i 
thought, a lively emblem of the solemn day of account : a mix* 
ture of heaven and hell ; of joy and anguish inexpressible. 

^^ The c6ncern and religious affection was such, that I could 
not pretend to have any formal religious exercise among them ; 
but spent the time in discoursing to one and another, as I thou^t 
most proper and seasonable for each; and addressed them all 
togetner ; and finally concluded with prayer. Such were their 
circumstances at this season, that I could scarcely have half an 
hour^s rest from speaking, from about half an hour before 
twelve o^clock, at which time I began public worship, till after 
seven at night. There appeared to be four or five persons 
newly awakened this day and the evening before; some of 
whom but veiy lately came among us. 

Dec. 30. " Was visited by four or five young persons, under 
concern for their souls ; most of whom were lately awakened. 
They wept much while I discoursed with them ; and endea* 
voured to press upon them the necessity of flying to Christ 
without delay for salvation. 

Dec. 31. " Spent some hours this day in visiting my people 
from house to house, and conversing with them about their spi-' 


ritual concerns ; endeavouring to press upon Christless souls 
the necessity of renovation of heart ; and scarce left a house 
without leaving some or other of its inhabitants in tears, appear- 
ing solicitously engaged to obtain an interest in Christ. 

" The Indians are now gathered together from all quarters 
to this place, and have built them little cottages, so that more 
than twenty families live within a quarter of a mile of me. A 
very convenient situation with regard both to public and pri- 
vate instruction. 

Jem. 1, 1746. " I am this day beginning a new year, and God 
has carried me through numerous trials and labours in the past. 
He has amazingly supported my feeble frame ; for having ob- 
tained help of God, I continue to this day. O that I might 
live nearer to Grod this year than I did the last ! The business 
to which I have been called, and which I have been enabled 
to go through, I know has been as great as nature could bear 
up under, and what would have sunk and overcome me quite, 
without special support. But alas, alas ! though I have done 
the labours and endured the trials ; with what spirit have I 
done the one and endured the other ? How cold has been the 
frame of my heart oftentimes I and how little have I sensibly 
eyed the glory of God in all my doings and sufferings ! I have 
found that I could have no peace without filling up all my time 
with labour. Thus " necessity has been laid upon me ;" yea, in 
that respect, I have loved to labour ; but the misery is, 1 could 
not sensibly laj;)Our for God, as I would have done. May I for 
the future be enabled more sensibly to make the glory of God 
my all. 

" Spent considerable time in visiting my people again. Found 
scarcely one but what was under some serious impressions re- 
specting their spiritual concerns. 

Jan. 3. " Visited some persons newly come among us, who 
had scarce ever heard any thing of Christianity before, except 
the empty name. Endeavourea to instruct them, particularly 
in the first principles of religion, in the most easy and familiar 
manner I could. There are strangers from remote parts almost 
continually dropping in among us, so that I have occasion re- 
peatedly to open and inculcate the first principles of Chris- 

Jan. 4, " Prosecuted my catechetical method of instructing. 
Found my people able to answer questions with propriety, be- 
yond what could have been expected from persons so lately 
brought out of heathenish darkness. In the improvement of 
my discourse, there appeared some concern and affection in 
the assembly : and especially in those of whom I entertained 
hopes as being truly gracious, at least several of them were 
much affected and refreshed. 

Vol.. X. ^ 33 


Lord's day J Jan. 5. •• Discoursed from Matt. xii. 10—13. 
There appeared not so much liveiiness and affection in divioe 
service as usual. The same truths, which have often produced 
many tears and sobs in the assembly, seemed now to have no 
special influence upon any in it. Near night I proposed to 
have proceeded in my usual method of catechising ; but while 
we were engaged in Uie first prayer, the power of God seemed 
to descend upon the assembly m such a remarkable maimer, 
and so many appeared under pressing concern for their souk, 
that I thought it much more expedient to insist upon the plen- 
tiful provision made by divine grace for the redemption of 
perishing sinners, and to press them to a speedy acceptance of 
the great salvation, than to ask them questions about doctrinal 

Eoints. What was most practical, seemed most seasonable to 
e insisted upon, while numbers appeared so extraordinarily 
solicitous to obtain an interest in the great Redeemer. Bimr 
tized two persons this day : one adult, the woman particularly 
mentioned in my Journal of Dec. 22, and one child. 

^' This woman has discovered a very sweet and heavenly 
frame of mind from time to time, since her ifirst reception of 
comfort. One morning in particular, she came to see me, dis- 
covering an unusual joy and satisfaction in her countenance ; 
and when I inquired into the reason of it, she replied, ^'diat 
God had made her feel that it was right for him to do what he 
pleased with all things ; and that it would be right if he should 
cast her husband and son both into hell ; and she saw it was 
so right for God to do what he pleased with them, that she 
could not but rejoice in God even if he should send them into 
hell ;" though it was apparent she loved them dearly. She 
moreover inquired whether I was not sent to preach to the In- 
dians by some good people a great way off. I replied, " Yes, 
by the good people in Scotland." She answered, " that her 
heart loved those good people so the evening before, that she 
could not help praying for them all night ; her heart would go 
to God for them.*" Thus the blessings of those ready to perish 
are like to come upon those pious persons who have communi- 
cated of their substance to the propagation of the gospel. 

Jan. 6. " Being very weak in body, I rode for my health. 
While riding, my thoughts were sweetly engaged for a time 
upon "the Stone cut out of the mountain without hands, which 
broke in pieces all before it, and waxed great, and became a 

freat mountain, and filled the whole earth : and I longed that 
esus should take to himself his great power, and reign to the 
ends of the earth." O how sweet were the moments wherein 
I felt my soul warm with hopes of the enlargement of the 
Redeemer's kingdom : I wanted nothing else, but that Christ 
should reign to the glory of his blessed name.^' 


The next day he complains of want of fervenc}'. 

Jan. 8. ^' In the evenmg my heart was drawn out after God 
in secret ; my soul was refreshed and quickened, and I trust 
£uth was in exercise. I had great hopes of the ingathering of 
precious souls to Christ, ndt only among my own people, out 
others also. I was sweetly resigned and composed under my 
bodily weakness ; and was willing to live or die, and desirous 
to labour for God to the utmost of my strength. 

JoHi 9; ^^ Was still very weak, and exercised with vapoury 
disorders. In the evening enjoyed some enlargement and spi- 
rituality in prayer. Oh that I could always spend my timer pro- 
fitably both in health and weakness. 

Jan, 10. ^< My soul was in a sweet, calm, and composed 
frame, and my heart filled with love to all the world; and Chris- 
tian simplicity and tenderness seemied then to prevail and reign 
within me. Near night visited a serious Baptist minister, and 
had some agreeable conversation with him, and found that I 
could love Christ in his fi'iends. 

/cm. II. ^' Discoursed in a catechetical method, as usual, of 
late. Having opened our first parentis primitive apostacy firom 
God, and our fall in him; I proceeded to apply my discourse 
by showing the necessity we stood in of an Almighty "Redeemer, 
and the absolute need every sinner has of an interest in his 
iilerits and mediation. There was some tenderness and afiec- 
tionate concern apparent in the assembly. 

Lard^8 dajfi Jan^ 12. ^^ Preached fi'om Isaiah Iv. 6. The 
Ivord of G(^ seemed to fall upon the audience with a divine 
freight and influence, and evidently appeared to be ^^ not the 
Word of man.^^ The blessed Spirit I am persuaded accompa- 
liied what was spoken to the hearts of many ; so that there was 
It powerful revival of conviction in numbers who were under 
spiritual exercise before. 

" Toward night catechised in my usual method. Near the 
close of my discourse, there appeared a great concern, and 
much affection in the audience ; which increased while I con- 
iinued to invite them to come to an all-sufficient Redeemer for 
eternal salvation. The Spirit of God seems fi-om time to time 
U^ be striving with souls here. They are so frequently and 
repeatedly roused, that they seem unable at present to lull 
themselves asleep. 

Jan. 13. " Was visited by several persons tinder deep cori- 
eem for their souls ; one of whom was newly awakened. It is 
a[ most agreeable work to treat with souls who are solicitously 
immiring « what they shall do to be saved." As we are never 
to be " weary in well doing," so the obligation seems to be pe* 
culiarly strong when the work is so very desirable. Yet I ftmslt 
say, my health is so much impaired, and my spirits so- wasted 


with my labours and solitary manner of livine ; there being no 
human creature in the house with me ; that meir repeated and 
almost incessant applications to me for help and direction, are 
sometimes exceedingly burdensome, and so exhausts my spirits, 
that I become fit for nothing at all, entirely unable to prose- 
cute my business, sometimes for days together. What contri- 
butes much towards this difficulty is, that I am obliged to spend 
much time in communicating a little matter to them ; there 
being oftentimes many things to be premised before I can speak 
directly to what I principally aim at ; which things would rea' 
dily be taken for granted, where there was a competency ot 
doctrinal knowledge. 

Jan. 14. ^ Spent some time in private conference with mf 
people, and found some disposed to take comfort, as I thought, 
upon slight grounds. They are now generallv awakened, and 
it is become so disgraceful, as well as terri^ing to the con- 
science, to be destitute of religion, that they are in imminent 
danger of taking up with an appearance of grace, rather than 
to live under the fear and disgrace of an unregenerated state 

Jan. 15. ^' My spirits were very low and flat, and I could not 
but think I was a burden to God^s earth ; and could scarcely 
look any body in the face through shame and sense of barren- 
ness. God pity a poor unprofitable creature.^^ 

The two next days he had some comfort and refireshment. 

Jan, 18. " Prosecuted my catechetical method of discoursing: 
There appeared a great solemnity and some considerable aflec- 
tion in the assembly. This method of instruction I find very 
profitable. When I first entered upon it, I was exercised witn 
fears lest my discourses would unavoidably be so doctrinal, that 
they would tend only to enlighten the head, but not to affect 
the heart. But the event proved quite otherwise ; for these 
exercises have hitherto been remarkably blessed in the latter, 
as well as the former respects. 

hordes day^ Jan. 19. Discoursed to my people from Isaia& 
Iv. 7. Toward night catechised in my ordinary method ; and 
this appeared to be a powerful season of grace among us. 
Numbers were much affected. Convictions were powerfiiUy 
revived, and divers numbers of Christians refreshed and strength- 
ened ; and one weary, heavy laden soul, I have abundant reason 
to hope, brought to true rest and solid comfort in Christ ; who 
afterwards gave me such an account of God's dealing with 
his soul, as was abundantly satisfying, as well as refreshing 
to me. 

" He told me he had often heard me say, that persons must 
see and feel themselves utterly helpless and undone — that they 
must be emptied of a dependence upon themselves and of all 


hope of saving themselves, in order to their coming to Christ 
for salvtttion. He had long been striving after this view of 
things; supposing that this would be an excellent frame of 
mind, to be thus emptied of a dependence upon his own good- 
ness ; that God would have respect to this frame, would then 
be well pleased with him, and bestow eternal life upon him. 
But when he came to feel himself in this helpless, undone con- 
dition, he found it quite contrary to all his thoughts and expec- 
tations; so that it was not the same frame, nor indeed any 
thing like the frame after which he had been seeking. Instead 
of its being a good frame of mind, he now found nothing but 
badness in himself, and saw it was for ever impossible for him 
to make himself any better. He wondered, he said« that he 
had ever hoped to mend his own heart. He was amazed that 
he had never before seen, that it was utterly impossible for him 
by all his contrivances and endeavours to do any thing in that 
way, since the matter now appeared to him in so clear a light 
Instead of imagining: now that God would be pleased with him 
for the sake of this frame of mind, and this view of his undone 
estate, he saw clearly, and felt that it would be just with God, 
to send him to eternal misery ; and that there was no goodness 
in what he then felt ; for he could not help seeing, that he was 
naked, sinful, and miserable, and that there was nothing in such 
a sight to deserve God's love or pity. 

^^ He saw these things in a manner so clear and convincing, 
that it seemed to him, he said, he could convince every body of 
their utter inability to help themselves, and their unworthiness 
of any help from God. Jn this frame of mind he came to 
public worship this evening ; and while I was inviting sinners 
to come to Christ naked and empty, without any go^oess of 
their own to recommend them to his acceptance, then he thought 
with himself that he had often tried to come and give up his 
heart to Christ, and he used to hope that some time or other 
he should be able to do so. But now he was convinced that 
he could not, and that it was utterly vain for him ever to try 
any more ; and he could not, he said, find a heart to make any 
further attempt, because he saw it would signify nothing at all ; 
nor did he now hope for a better opportunity or more ability 
hereafter, as he had formerly done, because he saw, and was 
fiilly convinced that his own strength would for ever fail. 

** While he was musing in this manner^ he saw, he said, with 
his heart, which is a common phrase among them, something 
Uiat was unspeakably good and lovely, and what he had never 
seen before; and ^' this stole away his heart whether he would 
or no.'^ He did not, he said, know what it was that he saw. 
He did not say, "this is Jesus Christ;" but it was such glory 
and beauty as he never saw before. He did not now give 
away bis heart, as he had formerly intended and attempted to 


Jan. 31. '^ This day the person whom I had made choice of 
and engaged for a school-master among the Indians, arrived 
among us, and wais heartily welcomed by my people univer- 
sally. Whereupon 1 distributed several dozens of primers 
among the children. 

Feb. 1. ^^ My school-master entered upon his business among 
the Indians. He has generally about thirty children and young 
persons in his school in the day time, and about fifteen mar- 
ried people in the evening school. The number of the latter 
sort of persons beins less than it would be if they could be 
more constantly at home, and could spare time from their 
necessary employments for an attendance upon these instruc- 

" Towards night enjoyed some of the clearest thoughts on a 
divine subject, viz. that treated of I Cor. xv, 13 — 16, Bui if 
there be no resurrection of the dcad^ <fec. which I ever remem- 
ber to have had upon any subject whatsoever ; and spent two 
or three hours in writing them. I was refreshed with this in- 
tenseness ; my mind was so engaged in these meditations 1 
could scarcely turn it to any thing else, and indeed I could not 
be willing to part with so sweet an entertainment. 

'^ In the evening catechised in my usual method. Towards 
the close of my discourse, a surprismg power seemed to attend 
the word, especially to some persons. One man considerably 
in years, who had been a remarkable drunkard, a conjurer, and 
murderer, and was awakened some months before, was now 
brought to great extremity under his spiritual distress ; so that 
he trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself just 
dropping into hell, without any power to rescue or relieve him- 
self. Divers others appeared under great concern as well as he, 
and solicitous to obtain a saving change. 

Lord^s day^ Feb. 2. " Preached from John v. 24, 25. There 
appeared as usual some concern and affection iii the assembly. 
Towards night proceeded in my usual method of catechising. 
Observed my people more ready in answering the questions pro- 
posed to them than ever before. It is apparent they advance 
daily in doctrinal knowledge. But what is still more desirable, 
the Spirit of God is yet operating among them ; whereby ex- 
perimental, as well as speculative knowledge is propagated in 
their minds. 

" After public worship, my bodily strength being much spent, 
my spirits sunk amazingly, and especially on hearing that 1 
was generally taken to be a Roman Catholic, sent by the Pa- 
pists to draw the Indians into an insurrection against the English, 
that some were in fear of me, and others were for having me 
taken up by authority and punished. Alas, what will not the 
devil do to bring a slur and disgrace on the work of God ! O, 

MKMUlRb or BKAIM£RD. :265 

how holy and circumspect had I need to be I Through divine 
goodness I have been enabled to mind my own business in 
Uiese parts as well as elsewhere ; and to let all men, and all 
denominations of men alone, as to their party notions, and 
only preached' the plain and necessary truths of Christianity^ 
neither inviting to, nor excluding from any meeting, any of any 
sort or persuasion whatsoever. Towards night the Lord gave 
me freedom at the throne of grace in my first prayer before 
my catechetical lecture ; and, in opening the xlvth Psalm to 
my people, my soul confided in God; although the wicked 
world should slander and persecute me, or even condemn and 
execute me as a traitor to my king and country. Truly, " God 
is a present help in time of trouble.'' In the evening my soul 
was m some measure comforted, having some hope that one 
poor soul was brought home to God this day ; though the case 
did by no means appear clear. Oh that I could fill up every 
moment of time during my abode here below in the service of 
my God and King. 

Feb. 3. " My spirits were still much sunk with what I heard 
the day before of my being suspected to be engaged in the 
Pretender's interest. It grieved me, that after there had been 
so much evidence of a glorious work of grace among these 
poor Indians, as that the most carnal men could not but take 
notice of the great change made among them, so many poor 
souls should still suspect the whole to be only a Popisfi plot, 
and so cast an awful reproach on this blessed work of the 
diirine Spirit, and at the same time wholly exclude themselves 
from receiving any benefit by this divine influence. This put 
me upon searching whether t had ever dropped any thing inad- 
vertently, which might give occasion to any to suspect that I 
was stirring up the Indians against the English ; and could 
think of nothing, unless it was my attempting sometimes to 
vindicate the rights of the Indians, and complaining of the 
horrid practice of making the Indians drunk, and then cheat- 
ing them out of their lands and other property. Once I re- 
membered I had done this with too much warmth of spirit, 
which much distressed me; thinking that it might possibly 
prejudice them against this work of grace to their everlasting 
destruction. God, I believe, did me good by this trial, which 
served to humble me, and show me the necessity of watch- 
fulness, and of being wise as a serpent as well as harmless as 
a dove. This exercise led me to a throne of grace, and there 
I found some support: though I could not get the burden 
wholly removed. Was assisted in prayer, especially in the 

He remained still under a degree of anxiety about this affair, 
which continued to have the same effect upon him to cause him 
Vol. X. 34 


to reflect upon and humble himself, and frequent the tlurone of 
grace ; but soon found himself much more relieved and sup- 
ported. He was this week in an extremely weak state, and 
obliged, as he expresses it, ^' to consume considerable time in 
diversions for his health." 

Feb. 5. " Discoursed to a considerable number of tlie Indians 
in the evening ; at which time numbers of them appeared much 
afiected and melted with divine things. 

Feb. 8. ^' Spent a considerable part of the day in visiting 
my people from house to house, and conversing with them 
about their souPs concerns. Divers persons wept while I dis- 
coursed to them, and appeared concerned for nothing so much 
as for an interest in the great Redeemer. In the evening cate- 
chised as usual. Divine truths made some impressions upon 
the audience ; and w^re attended with an afiectionate engage' 
ment of soul in some. 

hordes day J Feb, 9. "Discoursed to niy people from the 
story of the blind man. Matt. x. 46 — ^52. The word of God 
seemed weighty and powerful upon the assembly at this time, 
and made considerable impressions upon manv; several in 
particular, who have generally been remarkably stupid and 
careless under the means of grace, were now awakened^ and 
wept afiectionately. The most earnest attention, as well bs 
tenderness and afiection appeared in the audience universally. 

" Baptized three persons ; two adults and one child. The 
adults, I have reason to hope, were both truly pious. There 
was considerable melting in the assembly, while I was dis- 
coursing particularly to the persons, and administering the 
ordinance. God has been pleased to own and ble&s the admi- 
nistration of this as well as of his other ordinances among the 
Indians. There are some here who have been powerfully awa- 
kened at seeing others baptized ; and some who have obtained 
relief and comfort just in the season when this ordinance has 
been administered. 

" Toward night catechised. God made this a powerful sea- 
son to some. There were many affected. Former convictions 
appeared to be powerfully revived. There was likewise one 
who had been a vile drunkard remarkably awakened. He ap- 
peared to be in great anguish of soul, wept and trembled, and 
continued to do so till near midnight. There was also a poor 
heavy-laden soul, who had been long under spiritual distress, 
as constant and pressing as I ever saw, who was now brought 
to a comfortable calm, and seemed to be bowed and reconciled 
to the divine sovereignty, and told me she now felt and saw 
that it was right for God to do with her as he pleased ; and 
that her heart felt pleased and satisfied it should be so ; although 
of late she had often found her heart rise and quarrel with 


GcmI, because he would, if he pledsed^ send her to hell after all 
she had done, or could do to save herself. She added, that 
the heavy burden she had lain under was now removed ; that 
she had tried to recover her concern and distress again, fear- 
ing that the Spirit of God was departing from her, and would 
leave her wholly careless, but that she could not recover it ; 
that she felt, she never could do any thing to save herself, but 
must perish for ever if Christ did not do all for her ; that she 
did not deserve he should help her ; and that it would be right 
if he should leave her to perish. But Christ would save her 
though she could do nothing to save herself, &c. and here she 
seemed to rest." 

The Monday after he set out on a journey to the Forks of 
Delaware, to visit the Indians there. He performed the jour- 
ney under great weakness, and was sometimes exercised with 
much pain ; but says nothing of his dejection and melancholy. 
He arrived at his own house at the Forks on Friday, During 
Ae week he appears from his Diary to have enjoyed a sweet 
composure of mind, thankfulness to God for his mercies to 
him and others, resignation to the divine will, and comfort in 
prayer and religious conversation. At the same time his heart 
was drawn out after God, and affected with a sense of his 
own barrenness, as well as with the fulness and freeness of 
divine grace. 

" Forks of Delaware^ February^ 1746. 

hordes day^ February 16. " Knowing that numbers of the 
Indians in these parts were obstinately set against Christianity, 
and that some of them had refused to hear me preach in times 
past, I thought it might be proper and beneficial to the Chris- 
tian interest here, to have a number of my religious people 
from Crossweeksung with me, to converse with them about 
religious matters; hoping it might be a means to convince 
them of the truth and importance of Christianity, to see and 
hear some of their own nation discoursing of divine things, 
and manifesting earnest desires that others might be brought 
out of heathenish darkness, as themselves were. For this pur- 
pose I selected half a dozen of the most serious and intelligent 
of those Indians, and having brought them to the Forks of 
Delaware, I this dav met with them and the Indians of this 
place. Numbers of the latter probably could not have been 
prevailed upon to attend this meeting, had it not been for 
these religious Indians, who accompanied me hither, and 
preached to them. Some of those who had in times past 
been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly , 
and some others laughed and mocked. However the word of 


God fell with such weight and power that numbers seemed to 
be stunned, and expressed a willingness to hear mc agun ai 
these matters. 

" Afterwards prayed with and made an address to the white 
people present, and could not but observe some visible effects 
of the word, such as tears and sobs among them. After pub- 
lie worship, spent some time, and took pains to convince trwiie #| 
that mocked of the truth and importance of what I had been j 
insisting upon ; and so endeavoured to awaken their attention < 
to divine truths. Had reason to think from what I observed 
then and afterwards, that my endeavours took considerable 
effect upon one of the worst of them. 

" Those few Indians then present, who used to be my hearen 
in these parts, some having removed hence to Crossweeksung, 
seemed somewhat kindly disposed toward me, and glad to see 
me again. They had been so much attacked, however, by some 
of the opposing Pagans, that they were almost ashamed or 
afraid to manifest their friendship. 

Feb. 17. " After having spent much time in discoursing to 
the Indians in their respective houses, I got them together and 
repeated and inculcated what I had before taught them. At 
terwards discoursed to them from Acts viii. 5—8. A divine 
influence seemed to attend the word. Several of the Indiani 
here appeared to be somewhat awakened, and manifested ear- 
nest tears and sobs. My people of Crossweeksung continued 
with them day and night repeating and inculcating the truths 
I had taught them, and sometimes prayed and sung psalms 
among them ; discoursing with each other in their hearing of 
the great things God had done for them and for the Indians 
from whence they came. This seemed, as my people toW 
me, to have more effect upon them, than when they directed 
their discourse immediately to them. I was refreshed and en- 
couraged, and found a spirit of prayer in the evening, and 
earnest longings for the illumination and conversion of these 
poor Indians. 

Feb. 18. " Preached to an assembly of Irish people, nearly 
fifteen miles distant from the Indians. 

Feb. 19, " Preached to the Indians again, after having spent 
considerable time in conversing with them more privately. 
There appeared a great solemnity and some concern and m- 
fection among the Indians belonging to these parts, as well as 
a sweet melting among those who came with me. ]>lumbers 
of the Indians nere seemed to have their prejudices and aver- 
sion to Christianity removed ; and appeared well disposed and 
inclined to hear the word of God. My heart was comforted 
and refreshed, and my soul filled with longings for the conver- 
sion of these poor Indians. 


Feb. 20. " Preached to a small assembly of High Dutch 
people who had seldom heard the gospel preached, and were 
some of them at least very ignorant ; but numbers of them 
have lately been put upon an inquiry after the way of salvation 
with thoughtfulness. They gave wonderful attention; and 
some of them were much affected under the word, and after- 
wards said, as I was informed, that they never had been so 
much enlightened about the way of salvation in their whole 
lives before. They requested me to tarry with them, or come 
again and preach to them. It grieved me that I could not 
compl]^ with their request. I could not but be affected with 
their circumstances ; for they were as " sheep not having a 
shepherd,^' and some of them appeared under some degree of 
distress for sin ; standing in peculiar need of the assistance of 
ad experienced spiritual guide. 

• " God was pleased to support and refresh my spirits by afford- 
ing me assistance this day, and so hopeful a prospect of suc- 
cess. I returned home rejoicing and blessing the name of the 
Lord ; found freedom and sweetness afterward in secret prayer, 
and had my soul drawn out for dear friends. Oh how blessed 
a thing it is to labour for God faithftilly and with encourage- 
ment of success ! Blessed be the Lord for ever and ever for the 
assistance and comfort granted this day ! 

Feb» 2L " Preached to a number of people, many of them 
Low Dutch. Several of the fore-mentioned High Dutch peo-> 
pie attended the sermon, though eight or ten miles distant from 
their houses. Numbers of the Indians also, belonging to these 
parts, came of their own accord with my people from Cross* 
weeksung, to the meeting. — There were two in particular, who 
though the last Sabbath they opposed and ridiculed Christian- 
i^, now behaved soberly. May the present encouraging appear- 
ances continue ! 

^^ My soul was refreshed and comforted ; and I could not but 
bless God, who had enabled me in some good measure to be 
fidthfiil the day past. Oh how sweet it is to be spent and worn 
put for God. 

Feh. 22. " Preached to the Indians. They appeared more 
jfree from prejudice and more cordial to Christianity than be- 
fore ; and some of them appeared affected with divine truths. 
My spirits were much supported though my bodily strength 
was much wasted. Oh that God would be gracious to the souls 
of these poor Indians ! 

** God has been very gracious to me this week. He has ena- 
bled me to preach every day ; and has given me some assist- 
ance and encouraging prospect of success in almost every ser- 
mon. — ^Blessed be his name ! Several of the white people have 
been awakened this week ; and numbers of the Indians much 


cured of prejudices and jealousies which they had conceived 
against Christianity, and seem to be really awakened. 

Lord's day^ Feb. 23. " Preached to the Indians from John 
vi. 35 — ^37. After public service discoursed particularly with 
several of them, and invited them to go down to Crossweek- 
sung, and tarry there at least for some time ; knowing that 
they would then be free from the scoffs and temptations of the 
opposing Pagans, as well as in the way of hearing divine truths 
discoursed of both in public and private. Obtained a promise 
of some of them that they would speedily pay us a visit, and 
attend some farther instructions. They seemed to be consider- 
ably enlightened, and much freed from their prejudices against 
Christianity. But it is much to be feared that their prejudices 
will revive again, unless they can enjoy the means of instruG- 
tion here, or oe removed when they may be under such advan- 
tages, and out of the way of their Pagan acquaintances." 

.The next day Brainerd left the Forks of Delaware to retmn 
to Crossweeksung, and spent the whole week till Saturday in 
his journey. He preached on the way every day except one; 
and was several times greatly assisted, and had much inward 
comfort and earnest longings to fill up all his time in the ser- 
vice of God. — He utters such expressions as these after preach- 
ing : ^' Oh that I may be enabled to plead the cause of God 
faithfully to my dying moment. Oh how sweet it would be to 
spend myself wholly for God and in his cause, and to be freed 
from selfish motives in my labours." 

Crossweeksung^ March^ 1746. 

March 1. " Catechised in my ordinary method. Was pleased 
and refreshed to see them answer the questions proposed to 
tliem with such remarkable readiness, discretion, and know- 
ledge. Toward the close of my discourse divine truths made 
considerable impressions upon the audience, and produced 
tears and sobs in some under concern ; and more especially a 
sweet and humble melting in several, who I have reason to 
hope were truly gracious. 

Lords day^ March 2, " Preached from John xv. 16. The 
assembly appeared not so lively in their attention as usual, nor 
so much affected with divine truths in general as has been com- 
mon. Some of my people who went up to the Forks of Dela- 
ware with me, being now returned, were accompanied by two 
of the Indians belonging to the Forks, who had promised me 
a speedy visit. May the Lord meet with them here. They 
can scarcely go into a house now but they will meet with Chris- 
tian conversation, whereby it is to be hoped they may be both 
instructed and awakened. 


" Discoursed to the Indians again in the afternoon, and ob- 
served among them some animation and engagedness in divine 
service, though not equal to what has often appeared here. I 
know of no assembly of Christians, where there seems to be 
so much of the presence of God, where brotherly love so much 
prevails, and where I should take so much delight in the pub- 
lic worship of God in general, as in my own congregation ; 
although not more than nine months ago they were worship* 
pinff devils and dumb idols under the power of Pagan darkness 
and superstition. Amazing change this ! effected by nothing 
less than divine power and grace. This is the doing of the 
XiOrd, and it is justly marvellous in our eyes." 

The four next days were spent in great bodily weakness, but 
he speaks of some seasons of considerable inward comfort. 

March 5. " Spent some time just at evening in prayer, sing- 
ing, and discoursing to my pepple upon divine things ; and ob- 
served some agreeable tenderness and aiSection among them. 
Their present situation is so compact and commodious, that 
they are easily and quickly called together with only the sound 
of a conk-shell, (a shell like that of a periwinkle,) so that they 
have frequent opportunities of attending religious exercises 
publicly. This seems to be a great means under God of keep- 
ing alive the impressions of divine things in their minds. 

March 6. "I walked alone in the evening, and enjoyed 
sweetness and comfort in prayer beyond what I have of late 
enjoyed. My soul rejoiced in my pilgrim state; and I was 
delighted with the thoughts of labouring and enduring hard- 
ness for God ; felt some longing desires to preach the gospel 
to dear immortal souls ; and confided in God, that he would be 
with me in my work, and that he never would leave nor for- 
sake me to the end of my race. Oh may I obtain mercy of 
God to be faithful to my dying moment ! 

Match 7. " In the afternoon went on with my work with 
freedom and cheerfulness, God assisting me, and enjoyed com- 
fort in the evening. 

March 8. " Catechised in the evening. My people answered 
the questions proposed to them well. I can perceive their 
knowledge in religion increases daily. And what is still more 
desirable, the divine influence which has been so remarkable 
among them, appears still to continue in some good measure. 
The divine presence seemed to be in the assembly this even- 
ing. Some who I have good reason to think are Christians 
inaeed, were melted with a sense of divine goodness, and 
their own barrenness and ingratitude, and seemed to hate them- 
selves^ as one of them afterwards expressed it. Convictions 
also appeared to be revived in several instances ; and divine 


truths were attended witli such influence upon the assembly 
in general, that it might justly be called an evening of divine 

Lord^s cUw^ March 9. '* Preached from Luke x. 38— 4@L 
The word of God was attended with power and energy up<Hi 
the audience. Numbers were affected, and concerned to obtain 
the one thins needful. Several who have given good evideqce 
of being truly gracious, were much affected with a want of 
spirituality, and saw the need they stood in of growing in 
grace. The greater part of those who had been under asxf 
impressions oi divine things in times past, seemed now to hafe 
those impressions revived. 

^' In the afternoon proposed to have catechised in my usual 
method. But while we were engaged in the first prayer in the 
Indian language, as usual, a great part of the assembly was so 
much moved and affected with divine things, that 1 thought it 
seasonable and proper to omit the proposing of questions tor 
that time, and to insist upon the most practical truths. I 8& 
cordinsly did so : making a further improvement of the pas- 
sage OI bcripture on which I had discoursed in the former part 
of the day. There appeared to be a powerful divine influence 
in the congregation. Several who, as I have reason think, are 
truly pious, were so deeply affected with a sense of their own 
barreimess, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed Re- 
deemer, that they looked on him as pierced by themselves, and 
mourned^ yea, some of them were in bitterness as for a first' 

" Some poor awakened sinners also appeared to be in anguish 
of soul to obtain an interest in Christ ; so that there was a great 
mourning in the assembly : many heavy groans, sobs, and tears! 
and one or two newly come among us, were considerably awa- 

" Methinks it would have refreshed the heart of any who 
truly love Zion^s interests, to have been in the midst of this 
divine influence, and seen the effects of it upon saints and sin- 
ners. The place of divine worship appeared both solenm and 
sweet, and was so endeared by a display of the divine pre- 
sence and grace, that those who had any relish for divine 
things could not but cry, " How amiable are thy tabernacles, 

Lord of hosts !" After public worship was over, numbers 
came to my house, where we sang and discoursed of difine 
things; and the presence of God seemed here also to be in 
the midst of us. 

" While we were singing^ there was one individual, the wo- 
man mentioned in my journal of February 9, who I may ven- 
ture to say, if I may be allowed to say so much of any person 

1 ever saw, was " filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory ;" 
and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises to God be- 



fore us all with many tears ; crying sometimes in English, and 
sometimes in Indian, " O blessed Lord/ do come^do come! O 
do take me away ; do let me die and §o to Jesus Christ ! I am 

taid if I live I shall sin again. O do let me die now ! O dear 
iw, do come ! I cannot stay^ I cannot stay ! O how can I live 
in this world? do fake my soul away from this sinful place/ 
O let me never sin any more / O what shall Ido^ what shall I 
do^ dear Jesus / O dear Jesus /" In this ecstasy she continued 
some time, uttering these and similar expressions incessantly. 
The grand argument she used with God to take her away im- 
mediately was, that " if she lived she should sin against him." 
When she had a little recovered herself, I asked her, if Christ 
was now sweet to her soul ? Whereupon, turning to me with 
tears in her eyes, and with all the tokens of deep humility f 
erer saw in any person, she said, ^' I have many times heard 
ou speak of the goodness and the sweetness of Christ, that 
e was better than all the world. But O I knew nothing what 
you meant. I never believed you, I never believed you ! But 
now I know it is true ;" or words to that eJBTect. I answered, 
« And do you see enough in Christ for the greatest of sinners ?*' 
She replied, ^' O enough, enough for all the sinners in the world, 
tf they would but come." When I asked her, " If she could 
not tell them of the goodness of Christ :" — ^Turning herself 
about to some Christless souls who stood by and were much 
affected, she said, ^^ Oh there is enough in Christ for you if you 
would but come. O strive, strive to give up your hearts to 
him,^^ &e. On hearing something of the slory of heaven men* 
tioned, that there was no sin in that world, she again fell into 
the same ecstasy of joy and desire of Christ ^s coming, repeat- 
ing her former expressions, '* O dear Lord, do let me go ! O 
what shall I do ; what shall I do. I want to go to Christ. I 
cannot live. O do let me die," &c. 

She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours 
before she was able to get home. I am very sensible that there 
mJay be great joys arising even to an ecstasy, where there is 
stOl no substantial evidence of their being well grounded. But 
in the present case there seemed to be no evidence wanting in 
order to prove this joy to be divine, either in regard to its pre* 
paratives, attendants, or consequents. 

Of all the persons whom I have seen under spiritual exer« 
cise, I scarcely ever saw one appear more bowed and broken 
onder convictions of sin and misery, or what is usually called a 
preparatory work, than this woman ; nor scarcely any who 
seemed to have a greater acquaintance with her own heart 
than she had. She would frequently complain to me of the 
hardness and rebellion of her heart. Would tell me that her 
beart rose and quarrelled with God when she thought he would 

Vol. X. 35 


do with her as he pleased, and send her to hell, notwithstand- 
ing her prayers, good frames, die. that her heart was not will- 
ing to come to Christ for salvation, but tried every where else 
for help. As she seemed to be remarkably sensible of her stub- 
bornness and contrariety to God under conviction, so she ap- 
peared to be no less remarkably bowed and reconciled to lus 
sovereignty before she obtained any relief or comfort ; some- 
thing of which I have noticed in my journal of Feb. 9. Since 
that time she has seemed constantly to breathe the temper and 
spirit of the new creature: crying after Christ, not through 
fear of hell as before, but with strong desires after him as her 
only satisfying portion ; and has manv times wept and sobbed 
bitterly, because as she apprehendedf, she did not waA coidd 
not love him. When I have sometimes a^ed her why she i^ 
peared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid 
of hell, she would answer, ^^ No, I be not distressed about (to, 
but my heart is so wicked I cannot love Christ ;*^ and thereupon 
burst mto tears. But although this has been the habitual frame 
of her mind for several weeks together, so that the exercise of 
grace appeared evident to others ; yet she seemed wholly ift- 
sensible to it herself, and never had any remarkable comfioft 
and sensible satisfaction until this evening. 

This sweet and surprising ecstasy appeared to spring from a 
true spiritual discovery of the glory, ravishing beauty, and ex- 
cellency of Christ ; and not from any gross imaginary notions 
of his human nature, such as that of seeing him m such a 
place or posture, as hanging on the cross, as bleeding and 
dying, as gently smiling, and the like ; which delusions some 
have been carried away with. Nor did it rise from scMrdid, 
selfish apprehensions of her having any benefit whatsoever 
conferred on her ; but from a view of his personal excelleacy 
and transcendant loveliness ; which drew forth those vehement 
desires of enjoying him which she now manifested, and made 
her long, " to be absent from the body, that she might be pre- 
sent with the Lord." 

The attendants of this ravishing comfort were such, as abun- 
dantly discovered its spring to be divine ; and that it was truly 
" a joy in the Holy Ghost." Now she viewed divine truths as 
living realities, and could say, " I know these things are so ; I 
feel that they are true !" Now her soul was resigned to the 
divine will in the most tender point; so that when I said to 
her, " What if God should take away your husband* from vou, 
who was then very sick, how do you think you could bear 
that?" She replied, " He belongs to God and not to me ; he 
may do with him just as he pleases." Now she had the most 
tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aver- 

'"' The man mentioned in my Journal of January 19. 


sion to it, and longing to die, that she might be delivered from 
it Now she could freely trust her all with God for time and 
eternity. When 1 questioned her, " How she would be will- 
ing to die and leave her little infant ; and what she thought 
would become of it in that case ?" she answered, " God will 
take care of it." Now she appeared to have the most hum- 
bling sense of her own meanness and unworthiness, her weak- 
ness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to perse- 
vere in the way of holiness, crying, " If I live I shall sin." 
I then thought that I had never seen such an appearance of 
ecstasy and humility meeting in any one person in all my life 

" The consequents of this joy are no less desirable and satis- 
factory than its attendants. She since appears to be a most 
tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Chris- 
tian ; as exemplary in life and, conversation as any person in 
my congregation. May she still '^ grow in grace and in the 
knowledge of Christ." 

March 10. " Towards night the Indians met together, of their 
own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things 
among themselves ; at which time there was much affection 
among them^ Some who are hopefully gracious, appeared to 
be melted with divine things ; and some others seemed much 
cbnc^ned for their souls. Perceiving their engagement and 
afiection in religious exercises, I went among them, and prayed, 
and gave a word of exhortation ; and observed two or three 
somewhat affected and concerned, who scarce ever appeared 
to be under any religious impressions before. It seemed to be 
a day and .evening of divine power. Numbers retained the 
warm impressions of divine things which had been made upon 
tiieir minds the day before. 

*♦ My soul was refreshed with freedom and enlargement, and 
i hope the lively exercise of faith in secret prayer this night. 
Sfy will was sweetly resigned to the divine will ; my hopes 
respecting the enlargement of the kingdom of Christ some- 
what raised ; and I could commit Zion's cause to God as 
his awn.^^ 

On Tuesday he speaks of some sweetness and spirituality in 
Christian conversation. On Wednesday^ complains that he 
enjoyed not much comfort and satisfaction through the day, 
because he did but little for God. On Thursday , spent a con- 
siderable time in company on a special occasion, but in per- 
plexity, because without salutary religious conversation. 

March 14. '^ Was visited by a considerable number of my 
people and spent some time in religious exercises with them. 


March 15. ^^ In the evening catechised. My people answered 
the questions put to them with surprising readiness and judg- 
ment. There appeared some warmth, and a feeling sense of 
divine things among those who I have reason to hope are real 
Christians, while I was discoursing upon peace. of conscience 
and joy in the Holy Ghost. These seemed quickened and en- 
livened in divine service, though there was not so much appear* 
ance of concern among those whom I have reason to think in 
a Christless state,^^ 

In the former part of the week following he was very ill, and 
under great dejection ; being rendered unserviceable by his ill« 
ness, and fearing that he should never be serviceable any more; 
and therefore exceedingly longed for death. But afterwards he 
was more encouraged, and lite appeared more desirable ; be- 
cause, as he says, he '* had a little dawn of hope that he might 
be useful in the world/' In the latter part of this week he was 
somewhat relieved of his illness in the use of means prescribed 
by his physician. 

Lord*8 day^ March 16. '* Preached to my congregation from 
Heb. ii. 1 — 3. Divine truths seemed to have some considerable 
influence upon some of the hearers, and produced many tears, 
as well as heav^ sighs and sobs, among those who have given 
evidence of being real Christians, and others also. The im- 
pressions made upon the audience appeared in general deep 
and heart-afiecting ; not superficial, noisy, and affected. 

" Towards night discoursed again on the Great Salvation. 
The word was again attended with some power upon the audi- 
ence. Numbers wept affectionately, and to appearance, tm- 
feignedly ; so that the Spirit of God seemed to be moving upon 
the face of the assembly. Baptized the woman particularly 
mentioned in my journal of last Lord's day, who now as well 
as then appeared to be in a devout, humble, and excellent 
frame of mind. 

" My house being thronged with my people in the evening, I 
spent the time in reli^ous exercises with them, until my nature 
vvas almost spent. They are so unwearied in religious exer- 
cises, and insatiable in their thirsting after Christian knowledge, 
that I can sometimes scarcely avoid labouring so as greatly to 
exhaust my strength and spirits. 

March 19. " Several of the persons who went with me to 
the Forks of Delaware in February last, having been detained 
there by the dangerous illness of one of their company, re- 
turned home but this day. Whereupon my people generally 
met together of their own accord, in order to spend some time 
in religious exercises ; and especially to give thanks to God for 


his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from 
tfiem for several weeks, and recovering mercy to him who had 
been sick ; and that he had now returned them all in safety. 
As 1 was then absent, they desired my school-master to assist 
them in carrying on their religious solemnity ; who tells me 
that they appeared engaged and affectionate in repeated 
prater, smging, &c. 

March 22. ^^ Catechised in my usual method in the evening. 
My people answered questions to my great satisfaction. There 
appeared nothing very remarkable in the assembly, consider- 
ing what has been common among us. Although I may justly 
say, the strict attention, the tenderness and affection, the many 
tears and heart-affecting sobs, appearing in numbers in the as- 
sembly would have been very remarkable, were it not that God 
has made these things common with us, and even with strati' 
gers soon after their coming among us from time to time. I 
am far from thinking that every appearance and particular in- 
stance of affection that has been among us has been truly 
Senuine, and purely from a divine influence. I am sensible of 
. le contrary ; and doubt not but that there has been some cor- 
rupt mixture, some chaff as well as wheat ; especially since 
religious concern appeared so common and prevalent here. 

£ord^9 day^ March 23. " There being ^owlffteen strangers^ 
adult persons, come among us in the week past, several of whom 
had never been in any religious meeting till now, I thought it 
proper to discourse this day in a manner peculiarly suited to 
their circumstances and capacities ; and accordingly attempted 
it from Hosea xiii. 9. " O Israel, thou hast destroyed thyself," 
&c. In the forenoon, I opened in the plainest manner I could, 
man^s i4)ostasy and ruined state, after having spoken some 
^ngs respectmg the being and perfections of God, and his 
creation of man in a state of uprightness and happiness. In 
the afternoon endeavoured to open the glorious provision which 
God has made for the redemption of apostate creatures, by 
giving his own dear Son to suffer for them, and satisfy divine 
justice on their behalf. There was not that affection and con- 
cern in the assembly which has been common among us; 
although there was a desirable attention appearing in general, 
and even in most of the strangers. 

" Near sun-sot I felt an uncommon concern upon my mind, 
especially for the poor strangers^ that God had so much with- 
held his presence and the powerful influence of his Spirit from 
the assembly in the exercises of the day ; and thereby withheld 
from them that decree of conviction which I hoped they might 
have had. In this frame I visited several houses and discoursed 
with some concern and affection to several persons particu- 
larty ; but without much appearance of success, till I came to 
a house where several of the strangers were. There the solemn 

278 MEMOIRS or brainerd. 

truths on which I discoursed appeared to take effect ; first upoa 
some children, then upon several adult persons who had been * 
somewhat awakened before, and afterwards upon several of 
the Pagan strangers. 

" 1 continued my discourse with some fervency, until almost 
every one in the house was melted into tears, and divers wept 
aloud, and appeared earnestly concerned to obtain an interert 
in Christ Upon this numbers soon gathered from all the houses 
round about, and so thronged the place that we were obliged 
to remove to the house where we usually met for public wor- 
ship. The congregation gathering immediately, and many 
appearing remarkably affected, I discoursed some time from 
Luke xix. lU. For the Son of man is come to seek^ &c endea- 
vouring to open the mercy, compassion, and concern of Christ 
for lost, helpless, and undone sinners. There was much vbiUe 
concern and affection in the assembly, and I doubt not but 
that a divine influence accompanied what was spoken to the 
hearts of many. There were five or six of the strangers, men 
and women, who appeared to be considerably awakened ; and 
in particular one very rugged young man, who seemed as H 
nothing would move him, was now brought to tremble like the 
jailer, and weep for a long time. 

^^ The Pagans who were awakened, seemed at once to put off 
their savage roughness and Pagan manners, and became so- 
ciable, orderly, and humane in their carriage. When they first 
came, I exhorted my religious people to take pains with them 
as they had done with other strangers from time to time, to 
instruct them in Christianity. But when some of them attempt- 
ed something of that nature, the strangers would soon rise up 
and walk to other houses in order to avoid the hearing of such 
discourses. Whereupon some of the serious persons agreed 
to disperse themselves into the several parts of the settlement, 
so that wherever the strangers went, they met with some in- 
structive discourse and warm addresses respecting their salva- 
tion. But now there was no need of using policy in order to 
get an opportunity of conversing with some of them about 
their spiritual concerns ; for they were so far touched with a 
sense of their perishing state, as made them voluntarily yield 
to the closest addresses which were made them respecting their 
sin and misery, their need of an acquaintance with, and inte- 
rest in the great Redeemer. 

March 24. " Numbered the Indians to see how many souls 
God had gathered together here since my coming into these 
parts, and found there were now about an hundred and thirty 
persons together, old and young. Sundry of those who are 
my stated hearers, perhaps to the number oi ffteen or twenty^ 
were absent at this season. If all had been together, the num- 
ber would now have been \^rj considerable ; especially con- 

M£MOIIl8 or BRAINERD. 379 

gidering bow few were together at my first coming into this 
part of the country, the whole number then not amounting to 
ten persons at that time. 

" My people were out this day with the design of clearing 
8ome of their land, above fifteen miles distant from this settle- 
ment, in order to their settling there in a compact form, where 
they might be under the advantages of attending the public 
worship of God, of having their children taught in a school, 
imd at the same time have a conveniency for planting : their 
laioA in the place of our present residence being of little or no 
value lor that purpose. The design of their settling thus in a 
body, and cultivating their lands, of which they have done 
very little in their Pagan state, being of such necessity and im- 

r>rtance to their religious interest, as well as worldly comfort, 
tboii^ht it proper to call them together, and show them the 
duty CH labouring with faithfulness and industry, and that they 
BHist bot now ^^ be slothful in business,^^ as they had ever been 
Id their Pagan state. I endeavoured to press the importance 
;c^ their beipg laborious, diligent, and vigorous in the prosecu- 
tion of their business ; especially at the present juncture, the 
season of planting being now near, in order to their being in 
a capacity of living together, and enjoying the means of grace 
and instruction. Having given them directions for their work, 
which they very much wanted, as well as for their behaviour m 
divers respects, I explained, sang, and endeavoured to incul* 
caie upon them the c^sxviith JPsalm, common metre. Dr. Watts* 
version ; and having recommended them, and the de«i^ of 
ibeir going forth, to God, by prayer with them, I dismissed 
Ihem to their business. 

** After the Indiems were gone to their work, to clear their 
lands, I retired by myself, and poured out my soul to God, that 
lie would smile on their feeble beginnings, and that he would 
settle an Indian town, which might be a mountain of holiness. 
I found my soul much refreshed in these petitions, and much 
.enlarged for Zion^s interest, and for numbers of dear friends in 
particular. My sinking spirits were revived and raised ; and I 
felt animated in the service to which God ha;s called me. 

" This was the dearest hour I have enjoyed for many days, if 
not weeks. I found an encouraging hope that something would 
be done for God ; and that God would use and help me in his 
work. O how sweet were the thoughts of labouring for God, 
when I felt any spirit and courage, and had any hope that I ever 
should be succeeded. 

** In the evening read and expounded to those of my people 
who were yet at home, and to the strangers newly come, the 
substance of the third chapter of the Acts. Numbers seemed 
to melt under the word ; especially while I was discoursing 
upon ver. 19. *^ Repent ye, therefore, and be converted,*' &c. 


Several of the strangers also were affected. When I zAxA 
them afterwards, Whether they did not now feel that tb^ 
hearts were wicked as I had taught them ; one of them re- 
plied, " Yes, she felt it now." Although before she came here, 
upon hearing that I taught the Indians that their hearts were 
all bad by nature, and needed to be changed and made good 
by the power of God ; she had said, " Her heart was not wick- 
ed, and she had never done any thing that was bad in her life.*^ 
This, indeed, seems to be the case with them, I think, univer- 
sally, in their Pagan state. They seem to have no conscioiii- 
ness of sin and guilt, unless they can charge themselves widi 
some gross acts of sin contrary to the conmiands of the seccid 

The next day his schoolmaster Was taken sick with a pleih 
risy, and he spent a ffreat part of the remainder of this week in 
attending him. In his weak state, this was an almost over- 
bearing burden ; he being obliged constantly to wait uponhua 
from day to day, and to lie on the floor at night His spiriti 
sunk in a considerable degree, with his bodily strength^ under 
this burden. 

March 27. " Discoursed to a number of my people in one 
of their houses in a more private manner. Inquired particu- 
larly into their spiritual states, in order to see what impressions 
they were under. Laid before them the marks of a regenerate, 
as well as of an unregenerate state ; and endeavoured to suit 
and direct my discourse to them severally, according as I appre- 
hended their states to be. There was a considerable number 
gathered together before I finished my discourse, and several 
seemed mucn affected while I was urging the necessity and in- 
finite importance of getting into a renewed state. I find par- 
ticular and close dealing with souls in private, is often very 

March 29. " In the evening, catechised as usual, upon Sa- 
turday. Treated upon the benefits which believers receive from 
Christ at death. The questions were answered with great rea- 
diness and propriety ; and those who I have reason to think, 
are the dear people of God, were in general sweetly melted. 
There appeared such a liveliness and vigour in their attendance 
upon the word of God, and such eagerness to be made parta- 
kers of the benefits mentioned, that they seemed not only to be 
" looking for," but " hasting to the coming of the day of God." 
Divine truths seemed to distil upon the aiKlience with a gentle, 
but melting efllicacy, as the refreshing " showers upon the new 
mown grass." The assembly, in general, as well as those who 
appear truly religious, were affected with some brief accounts 
of the blessedness of the godly at death ; and most of them 


then discovered an affectionate inclination to cry, ^^ Let me 
die the death of the righteous, and let my last end be like his :^^ 
although many were not duly engaged to obtain the change of 
heart that is necessary to that blessed end. 
' Lord*8 day^ March 30. " Discoursed from Matt. xxv. 31—40. 
There was a very considerable moving, and affectionate melt- 
ing in the assembly. 1 hope that there were some real, deep, 
and abiding impressions of divine things made upon the minds 
{rf* many. There was one aged man, newly come among us, 
who i^peared to be considerably awakened, that never was 
touched with any concern for his soul before. In the evening, 
catechised. There was not that tenderness and melting en- 

Egement among God^s people, which appeared the evening 
tore, and many other times. They answered the <}uestions 
distinctly, and well, and were devout and attentive m divine 

March 31. ^^ Called my people together as 1 had done the 
Monday evening before, and discoursed to them again on the 
necessity and importance of labouring industrious^ in order 
to their living together, and enjoying the means of grace, &c. 
Having engaged in a solemn prayer to God amons them for 
a blessmg upon their attempts, I dismissed them to meir work. 
Numbers of them both men and women, seemed to offer them- 
selves willingly to this service ; and some appeared affection- 
ately concerned that God might go with them, and begin their 
little town for them ; that by his blessing it might be a place 
comfortable for them and theirs, with regard both to procuring 
the necessaries of life, and to attending on the worship of 

" Towards night, 1 enjoyed some sweet meditations on these 
words : * It is good for me to draw near to God.' My soul, I 
think, had some sweet sense of what is intended in those 

The next day he was extremely busy in taking care of the 
school-master, and in some other necessary affairs, which great- 
ly diverted him from what he looked upon as his proper busi- 
ness ; but yet he speaks of comfort and refreshment at some 
time of the day. 

April 2. " I was somewhat exercised with a spiritual frame 
of mind ; but was a little relieved and refreshed in the even- 
ing with meditation alone in the woods. But alas ! my days 
pass away as the chaff ; it is but little I do, or can do, that 
turns to any account ; and it is my constant misery and bur- 
den, that 1 am so fruitless in the vineyard of the Lord. Oh 
that I were ^pure spirit ; that I might be active for God ! This, 
I think more than any thing else, makes me long that this cor- 

VoL. X. 36 


ruptible might put on incorruption, and this mortal put on im- 
mortality. God deliver me from clogs, fetters, and a body of 
deaths which impede my service from him." 

The next day he complains bitterly of some exercises by cor- 
ruption, which he found in his own heart. 

April 4. ^' Spent the most of the day in writing on Revelation 
xxiL 17. — *• And whosoever will,^ &c. Enjoyed some freedom 
and encouragement in my work ; and founa some comfort ia 

. April 5. ^^ Catechised in the evening. There appeared to be 
some affection and fervent engagement in divine service throuj^ 
the assembly in general; especially towards the conclusion of 
my discourse. After public worship, a number of those, who 
1 nave reason to think, are truly religious, came to my house, 
and seemed eager for some furtiier entertainment upon divine 
things. While I was conversing with them about their scriptural 
exercises ; observing to them, that God^s work in the hearts of 
all his children, was for substance the same ; and that their trials 
and temptations were also alike ; and showing the obUgations 
such were under to love one another in a peculiar manner ; — ^tbey 
seemed to be melted into tenderness and affection towards each 
other. I thought that that particular token of their being the 
disciples of Christ, viz. of their having love one towards another, 
bad scarcely ever appeared more evident than at this time. 

After public worship, a number of my dear Christian Indians 
came to my house ; with whom I felt a sweet union of soul. My 
heart was knit to them ; and I cannot say I have felt such a 
sweet and fervent love to the brethren, for some time past 1 
saw in them appearances of the same love. This gave me 
somewhat of a view of the heavenly state ; and particularly 
of that part of the happiness of heaven which consists in the 
communion of saints ; and this was affecting to me. 

Lord^s day^ April 6. "Preached from Matt. vii. 21 — ^23, 
Not every one that saith unto me, Lord^ Lordj ^c. There 
were considerable effects of the word visible in the audience, 
and such as were very desirable ; an earnest attention, a great 
solemnity, many tears and heavy sighs, which were modestly 
suppressed in a considerable measure, and appeared unaffected 
and without any indecent commotion of the passions. Num- 
bers of the religious people were put upon serious and close ex- 
amination of their spiritual state, by hearing that ' not every 
one that saith to Christ Lord, Lord, shall enter into his king- 
dom.' Some expressed fears lest they had deceived themselves, 
and taken up a false hope, because they found they had done 
so little of the will of his Father who is in heaven. 


" There was one man brought under very great and pressidg 
concern for- his soul ; which appeared more especially after his 
retirement from public worship. That, which he says gave him 
his great uneasiness, was, not so much any particular sin, bs that 
he had never done the will of God at all, but had sinned continu- 
ally, and so had no claim to the kingdom of Heaven. In the af- 
ternoon, I opened to them the discipline of Christ in his Church, 
and the method in which offenders are to be dealt with. At 
which time the religious people were much affected ; especi- 
ally when they heard that the offender continuing obstinate, 
must finally be esteemed and treated ' as an Heathen man,^ 
and Pagan, who has no part nor lot among God^s visible people. 
Of this thc^ seemed to have the most awful apprehensions ; 
a state of Heathenism, out of which they were so lately brought, 
appearing very dreadful to them. 

"After public worship, I visited several houses, to see how 
they spent the remainder of the sabbath, and to treat with them 
solemnly on the great concerns of their souls. The Lord seem- 
ed to smile upon my private endeavours, and to make these 
particular and personal addresses more effectual upon some, 
than my public discourses. 

April 7. " Discoursed to my people in the evening, fi-om 
1 Cor. xi. 23 — ^26. ' For 1 have received of the Lord^ &c. En- 
deavoured to open to them the institution, nature and ends of 
the Lord^s Supper, as well as of the qualifications and pre- 
parations necessary to the right participationof that ordinance. 
Numbers appeared much affected with the love of Christ, 
manifested in his making this provision for the comfort of his 
people, at a season when himself was just entering upon his 
sharpest sufferings." 

On Tuesday he went to the meeting of the Presbytery ap- 
pointed at Elizabethtown. In his way thither he enjoyed some 
sweet meditations : but after he came there, he was as he ex- 
presses it, 'very vapoury and melancholy, and under an awfiil 
gloom which oppressed his mind.^ This continued until Satur- 
acttf evening ; when he began to have some relief and encou- 
ragement. He spent the Sabbath at Staten Island ; where he 
preached to an assembly of Dutch and English, and enjoyed 
considerable refreshment and comfort, both in public and pri- 
vate. In the evening, he returned to Elizabethtown. 

April 14. '' My spirits this day were raised and refi^shed, 
and my mind composed ; so that I was in a comfortable fraihe 
of so^l most of the day. In the evening, my head was c!e*r, 
my mind serene; I enjoyed sweetness in secret prayer and 
meditation on Psalm Ixxiii. 28. 'But it is good for me to 
draw near to God ;' &c. O how free, how comfortable, cheer- 

984 M sMOiaa or BaAivutD. 

fill, and. yet golenui, do I feel when I am ia a good ukeium 
freed from those damps and melancholy glooois under vriiichl 
(rflen labour* Blessed be the Lord I find myself leliefed ia 
this, respect 

AmitlS. ^^My soul lonffed for more q>irituality ; and H wn 
myburden that I could do no more for God. O, my baim- 
ness in my daily affliction and heavy load I O how precioa 
is time, and how it pains me to see it slide away, while 1 dais 
little to any good purpose. O that God would make me nhm 
fruitfiil ana splritiud.^* 

The next daj he speaks of his being almost overwhcfaial 
with ywpaary disorders ; but yet not so as wholly todestngr the 
composure of his mind. 


April 17. ^ Enioyed some comfort in prayer, some fireedoll 
in meditation, and composure in my studies. Spent some ^M 
in writing in the forenoon. In the afternoon spent some titai 
in-conversation with several dear ministers. In the eveiAi| 
preached from Psahn IxxuL 28. * But it is ffood for me to dn0 
near to God.' (rod helped me to feel the' truths of n^ ifftii 
both in the first prayer and in the sermon. I was enabled Is 
pour out my soul to God with great freedom, fenrenct and a^ 
lection ; and, blessed be the Lord, it was a comfcnrtable noay " 
to me. I was enabled to speak with tenderness, and yet widi 
faithfulness : and divine truths seemed to fall wiU^ we^j^ anl 
influence upon the hearers. My heart was melted for Ihe 
dear assembly ; and I loved every body in it ; and scarcely ever 
felt more love to immortal souls m my life. My soul criedf, ^Oh 
that the dear creatures might be saved ! Oh that God would 
have mercy upon them !' " 

He seems to have been in a very comfortable frame of mind 
the two next days. 

Lord*s daifi April 20.* ^^ Discoursed, both forenoon and af^ 
ternoon firom Luke xxiv. explaining most of the chapter, aod 
makinff remarks upon it. There was a desirable attention in 
the audience ; though there was not so much appearance of 8& 
fection and tenderness among them as had been usual. Oar 
meeting was very fiill ; there being sundry strangers present 
who had never been with us before. Enjoyed some fireedom, 
and, I hope, exercise of faith, in prayer in the morning, e^e- 
cially when I came to jpra^ for Zion. I was free from mal 
gloomy discoura^ment which so often oppresses my mind; 
and my soul rejoiced in the hopes of Zion^s prosperity, and the 

* This day he entered Uie^29Ui year of his age. 


enlargement of the dear kingdom of the great Redeemer. O 
that his kingdom might come ! 

" In the evening catechised. My people answered the 
questions proposed to them readily and distinctly ; and I could 
perceive that they advanced in their knowledge of the principles 
of Christianity. There appeared an affectionate melting in 
the assembly at this time. Several, who I trust are trdy re- 
ligious, were refreshed and quickened, and seemed by their 
discourse and behaviour after public worship to have their 
" hearts knit together in love." This was a sweet and blessed 
season, like many others with which my poor people have been 
favoured in months past. God has caused this little fleece to 
be repeatedly wet with the blessed dew of his divine grace, 
while all the earth around has been comparatively dry. 

April 21. " Was composed and comfortable in mind most of 
the day ; and was mercifully freed from those bloomy damps 
with which I am frequently exercised. Had freedom and com- 
fort in prayer several times ; and especially had some rising 
hopes of Zion^s enlargement and prosperity. Oh how refresh- 
ing were those hopes to my soul ! Oh that the kingdom of the 
dear Lord might come. Oh that the poor Indians might 
quickly be gathered in great numbers ! 

April 23. " My mind was remarkably free this day from me- 
lancnoly damps and glooms, and animated in my work. I found 
such fresh vigour and resolution in the service of God, that the 
mountains seemed to become a plain before me. O blessed be 
God for an interval of refreshment and fervent resolution in my 
Lord^s work ! In the evening, my soul was refreshed in secret 
prayer, and my heart drawn out tor divine blessings ; especially 
for the church of God, and his interest among my own people, 
and for dear friends in remote places. Oh that Zion might 
prosper, and precious souls be brought home to God !" 

In this comfortable fervent frame of mind he remained the 
two next days. 

April 25. " Of late I apprehended that a number of persons 
in my congregation were proper subjects of the ordinance of 
the Lord^s supper, and that it might be seasonable speedily to 
administer it to them ; and having taken advice of some of the 

this day, as preparatory thereto, was set apart for solenm fasting 
and prayer. 

** The design of this preparatory solemnity was to implore 
the blessing of God upon our renewing covenant with him, and 
with one another, to walk together in the fear of God, in love 

!J86 MEMOiaS OF brainerd. 

and Christian fellowship, and to entreat that his presence might 
be with us in our designed approach to his table ; as well as to 
humble ourselves before God on account of the apparent witK- 
drawment, at least in a measure, of that blessed influence which 
has been so prevalent upon persons of all ages among us ; as 
also on account of the lising appearance of carelessness, and 
vanity, and vice among some, who some time since appeared to 
be touched and afi'ected with divine truths, and brought to wm 
sensibility of their miserable and perishing state by nature. It 
was also designed that we might importunately pray for the 
peaceable settlement of the Indians together in a body ; that 
they might be a commodious congregation for the worship of 
God ; and that God would blast and defeat all the attempts that 
were, or might be, made against that pious design.* 

^' The solemnity was observed ana seriously attended, not 
only by those who proposed at the Lord^s table, but l^ the 
whole congregation universally. In the former part of the dy, 
I endeavoured to open to my people the nature and design of a 
fast, as I had attempted more briefly to do before, and to in- 
struct them in the duties of such a solenmity. In the aftemooD 
I insisted upon the special reasons there were for otir engaging 
it these solemn exercises at this time ; both in regard of the 
need we stood in of divine assistance, in order to a due prepa- 
ration for that sacred ordinance upon which some of us were 
proposing, with leave of divine providence speedily to attend ; 
and also in respect of the manifest decline of God's work here, 
as to the eflectual conviction and conversion of sinners ; there 
having been few of late deeply awakened out of a state of securi- 
ty. The worship of God was attended with great solemnity and 
reverence, with much tenderness and many tears, by those who 
appeared to be truly religious ; and there was some appearance 
of divine power upon those who had been awakened some time 
before, and who were still under concern. 

" After repeated prayer, and attendance upon the word of 
God, I proposed to the religious people, with as much brevity and 
plainness as I could, the substance of the doctrine of the Chris- 
tian faith, as I had formerly done previous to their baptism; 
and had their renewed cheerful assent to it. I then led them 
to a solemn renewal of their baptismal covenant ; wherein they 
had explicitly and publicly given up themselves to God the Fa- 
ther, Son and Holy Ghost, avouching him to be their God ; and 

* There was at this time a terrible clamour raised ag^ainst the Indians in ra- 
rious places in the country, and insinuations as though I was training them up to 
cut people's throats. Numbers wished to have them banished from these parts, 
and some gave out great words in order to fright and deter them from settling 
upon the best and most convenient tract of their own lands ; threatening to trou- 
ble them in the law ; pretending a claim to these lands themselves, although 
never purchased of the Indians. 


at the same time renouncing their heathenish vanities, their 
idolatrous and superstitious practices ; solemnly engaging to 
take the Word of God, so far as it was or might be made known 
to them, for the rule of their lives ; promising to walk together 
in love, to watch over themselves and one another, to lead lives 
of seriousness and devotion, and to discharge the relative duties 
incumbent on them respectively, &c. This solemn transaction 
was attended with much gravity and seriousness ; and at the 
same time with the utmost readiness, freedom and cheerfulness ; 
and a religious union and harmony of soul seemed to crown the 
whole solemnity. I could not but think in the evening, that 
there had been manifest tokens of the divine presence with us 
in all the several services of the day ; though it was also manifest 
that there was not that concern among Christless souls which 
has often appeared there. 
April 26. " Toward noon prayed with a dying child, and 

S.ve a word of exhortation to the bystanders to prepare for 
ath ; which seemed to take effect upon some. In the after- 
noon discoursed to my people from Matthew xxvi. 26—^, of 
the author, the nature, and designs of the Lord^s supper ; and 
endeavoured to point out the worthy receivers of that ordi- 

" The religious people were affected, and even melted, with 
divine truths, — with a view of the dying love of Christ Several 
otheis, who had been for some months under convictions of 
their perishing state, appeared now to be much moved with 
concern, and afresh engaged in seeking after an interest in 
Christ ; although I cannot say that the word of God appeared 
so quick and powerful, so sharp and piercing to the assembly 
as it had sometimes formerly done. Baptized two adult per- 
sons ; both serious and exemplary in their lives, and I hope 
truly religious. One of them was the man particularly men- 
tioned in my journal of the 6th instant ; who, although he was 
S'eatly distressed, because ^' he had never done the will of 
od,'' has since, it is hoped, obtained spiritual comfort upon 
good grounds. 

" In the evening I catechised othose, who were designed to 
partake of the Lord^s supper the next day, upon the institution, 
nature and end of that ordinance ; and had abundant satisfac- 
tion respecting their doctrinal knowledge and fitness in that 
respect for an attendance upon it. They likewise appeared in 
general to have an affecting sense of the solemnity of this sa- 
cred ordinance, and to be humbled under a sense of their own 
unworthiness to approach to God in it ; and to be earnestly 
concerned that they might be duly prepared for an attendance 
upon it. — Their hearts were full of love one toward another, 
and that was the frame of mind which they seemed concerned 
to maintain and bring to the Lord's table with them. In the 


singing and prayer after catechising, there appeared an agree- 
able tenderness and melting among them ; and such tokens d' 
brotherly love and aiOTection, as would even constrain onetosav 
«^ Lord, it is ^ood to be here ;'*'* it is good to dwell where such 
an heavenly mfluence distils. 

Lord's day, April 27. " Preached from Tit ii. 14, » Who 
gave himself for us/ &c. The word of God at this time, wu 
attended with some appearance of divine power upon the as- 
sembly ; so that the attention and gravity of the audience weie 
remarkable ; and especially towards the conclusion of the exer- 
cise, divers persons were much affected. Administered the sa- 
crament of the Lord's supper to twenty three persons of the In- 
dians, tlie number of the men and women being nearly equal ; 
several others, to the number of five or six, being now absent 
at the Forks of Delaware, who would otherwise have com- 
muned with us. The ordinance *was attended with great so- 
lemnity, and with a most desirable tenderness and affection. 
It was remarkable that in the season of the performance of the 
sacramental actions, especially in the distribution of the bread, 
they seemed to be affected in a most lively manner, as if Christ 
had been really crucified before them. The words of the insti- 
tution, when repeated and enlarged upon in the season of the 
administration, seemed to meet with the same reception, to be 
entertained with the same free and fiili belief and affectionate 
engagement of soul, as if the Lord Jesus Christ himself had 
been present, and had personally spoken to them. The affec- 
tions of the communicants, although considerably raised, were, 
notwithstanding, agreeably regulated and kept within proper 
bounds. So that there was a sweet, gentle, and affectionate 
melting without any indecent or boisterous commotion of the 

" Having rested sometime after the administration of the sa- 
crament, being extremely tired with the necessary prolixity of 
the work, 1 walked from house to house, and conversed particu- 
larly with most of the communicants, and found they had been 
almost universally refreshed at the Lord's table, ' as with new 
wine.' Never did I see such an appearance of Christian love 
amon^ any people in all my life. It was so remarkable, that 
one might well have cried with an agreeable surprise, * Behold 
how they love one another.' I think there could be no greater 
tokens of mutual affection among the people of God, in the 
early days of Christianity, than what now appeared here. The 
sight was so desirable, and so well becoming the gospel, that 
nothing less could be said of it than that it was ^ the doing of 
the Lord,' the genuine operation of Him, ' who is Love.' 

" Toward nisht discoursed again on the forementioned text, 
Tit. ii. 14 ; and insisted on the immediate end and design of 
Christ's death : viz. That he might redeem his people from all 


iniquity, &c. This appeared to be a season of divine power 
among us. The religious people were much refreshed, and 
seemed remarkably tender and affectionate, full of love, joy, 
and peace, and desirous of being completely ^ redeemed from 
all iniquity;^ so that some of them afterwards told me that 
'they had never felt the like before/ Convictions also ap- 
peared to be revived in many instances ; and several persons 
were awakened, whom I had never observed under any reli- 
gious impressions before. 

^*' Such was the influence which attended our assembly, and 
so unspeakably desirable the frame of mind which many enjoy- 
ed in divine service, that it seemed almost grievous to conclude 
the public worship. The congregation, when dismissed, al- 
though it was then almost dark, appeared loth to leave the 
place and employments which had been rendered so dear to 
them by the benefits enjoyed, while a blessed quickening influ- 
ence distilled upon them. Upon the whole, I miist say, I had 
great satisfaction relative to the administration of tnis ordi- 
nance in various respects. I have abundant reason to think, 
that those who came to the Lord^s table had a j^ood degree of 
doctrinal knowledge of the nature and design of the ordinance, 
and that they acted with understanding in what they did. 

^ In the preparatory services, I found, I may justly say, un- 
common freedom in opening to their understandings and capa- 
cities the covenant of grace, and in showing them the ncUure 
of this ordinance as a seal of that covenant ; although many of 
them knew of no such thing as a secd^ before my coming among 
them, or at least, of the use and design of it in the common 
affairs of life. They were likewise thoroughly sensible, that it 
was no more than a seal^ or sign^ and not the recH body and 
blood of Christ ; that it was designed for the refreshment and 
edification of the soul^ and not for the feasting of the body. 
They were also acquainted with the end of the ordinance, that 
they were therein called to commemorate the dying love of 

"This competency of doctrinal knowledge, together with 
their grave and decent attendance upon the ordinance, their 
affectionate melting under it, and the sweet and Christian frame 
of mind which they discovered after it, gave me great satisfac- 
tion respecting my administration of it to them. O, what a 
sweet and blessed season was this ! God himself, I am per- 
suaded, was in the midst of his people, attending on his own 
ordinance. I doubt not but many, in the conclusion of the 
day, could say with their whole hearts, * Verily, a day thus 
spent in God's house, is better than a thousand elsewhere.* 
There seemed to be but one heart amon^ the pious people. 
The sweet union, harmony and endearing love and tenderness 

Vol. X. 37 


subsisting among them was, I thought, the most lively emblem 
of the heavenly world, which I had ever seen. 

April 28. ^^ Concluded the sacramental solemnity with a dis- 
course upon John xiv. 15. * If ye love me, keep my command- 
ments.^ At this time there appeared a very agreeable tender- 
ness in the audience in general, but especially in the communi- 
cants. O, how free, how engaged and affectionate did these 
appear in the service of God ! they seemed willing to have their 
ears bored to the door posts of God^s house, and to be bis ser- 
vants forever. 

^^ Observing numbers in this excellent frame, and the assem- 
bly in general affected, and that by a divine iniiuence, I thought 
it proper to improve this advantageous season as Hezekiah did 
the desirable season of his great passover, 2 Chron. xxxi. in order 
to promote the blessed rerormation begun among them ; and to 
engage those that appeared serious and religious to persevere 
therein. Accordingly I proposed to them, that they should re- 
newedly enter into covenant before God, that they would watch 
over themselves and one another, test they should dishonour 
the name of Christ, by falling into sinful and unbecoming prac- 
tices ; and especially that they would watch against the sin of 
drunkenness, ^ the sin that most easily besets them,' and the 
temptations leading thereto, as well as the appearance of evil 
in that respect. They cheerfully complied with the proposal, 
and explicitly joined in that covenant ; whereupon I proceeded 
in the most solemn manner of which I was capable, to call 
God to witness respecting their sacred engagements, and re- 
minded them of the greatness of the guilt they would contract 
to themselves in the violation of it ; as well as observed to them 
that God would be a terrible witness against those who should 
presume to do so in the great and notable day of the Lord. It 
was a season of amazing solemnity ; and a divine awe appeared 
upon the face of the whole assembly in this transaction. Affec- 
tionate sobs, sighs and tears were now frequent in the audience ; 
and I doubt not but that many silent cries were then sent up to 
the Fountain of grace for supplies of grace sufficient for the 
fulfilment of these solemn engagements. Baptized six children 
this day." 

On Tuesday, April 29, he went to Elizabetli Town to attend 
the meeting of the Presbytery ; and seemed to spend the time 
while absent from his people on this occasion, in a free and 
comfortable state of mind. 

" Cranberry, N. J. May, 1746. 

May 3. " Rode from Elizabeth Town home to my people at 
or near Cranberry ; whither they are now removed, and where I 


hope God will settle them as a Christian congregation. Was 
refreshed in lifting up my heart to God, while riding, and en- 
jo^^ a thankful frame of spirit for divine favours received the 
week past. 

" Was somewhat uneasy and dejected in the evening ; having 
no house of my own to go to in this place ; but God was my 

Lord^s day^ May 4. " My people being now removed to their 
lands, mentioned in my diary of March 24, where they were 
then and have since been making provision for a compact set- 
tlement, in order to their more convenient enjoyment of the 
S gospel and other means of instruction, as well as of the com- 
brts of life ; I this day visited them ; being now obliged to 
board with an English family at some distance from them ; 
and preached to them in the forenoon from Mark iv. 5. ' And 
some fell upon stony ground,' &c. Endeavoured to show 
them the reason there was to fear, lest many promising ap- 
pjearances and hopeful beginnings in religion, might prove abor- 
tive, like the seed dropped upon stony places. 

" In the afternoon discoursed upon Rom. viii. 9. ' Now, if 
any man have not the spirit of Christ, he is none of his.' I 
have reason to think this discourse was peculiarly seasonable, 
and that it had a good effect upon some of the hearers. 
Spent some hours afterwards in private conference with my 
people, and laboured to regulate some things which I appre- 
hended amiss among some of them. 

May 5. " Visited my people again, and took care of their 
worldly concerns ; giving them directions relating to their busi- 
ness. I daily discover more and more of what importance it 
is likely to be to their religious interests, that they become 
laborious and industrious, acquainted with the affairs of hus- 
bandry, and able in a good measure to raise the necessaries 
and comforts of life within themselves ; for their present method 
of living greatly exposes them to temptations of various kinds. 

May 6. " Enjoyed some spirit and courage in my work ; 
was in a good measure free from melancholy ; blessed be God 
for freedom from this death. 

May 7. " Spent most of the day in writing as usual. En- 
joyed some freedom in my work. Was favoured with some 
comfortable meditations this day. In the evening was in a 
sweet composed frame of mind : was pleased and delighted to 
leave all with God respecting myself for time and eternity, and 
respecting the people of my charge, and dear friends. Had no 
doubt but that God would take care of me and of his own in- 
terest among my people ; and was enabled to use freedom in 
prayer as a child with a tender father. O how sweet is such a frame ! 

May 8. " In the evening, was somewhat refreshed with di- 
vine things, and enjoyed a tender melting frame in secret 


prayer ; wherein my soul was drawn out for the interests of 
Zion, and comforted with the lively hope of the appearinff of 
the great Redeemer. These were sweet moments ; I felral* 
most loth to go to bed, and grieved that sleep was necessary. 
However I lay down with a tender reverential fear of God, 
sensible that his favour is life, and his smiles better than all 
that earth can boast of, infinitely better than life itseIC 

May 9. " Preached from John v. 40. ^ And ye will not 
come to me,^ &c. in the open wilderness ; the Indians having 
as yet no house for public worship in this place, nor scarceb 
any shelters for themselves. Divine truths made considerable 
impressions upon the audience, and it was a season of great 
solemnity, tenderness and affection. 

*^ Baptized one man this day, the conjurer, murderer, Ac 
mentioned in my diary of Aug. 8, 1745, and Feb. 1, 1746, who 
appears to be such a remarkable instance of divine grace, that 
I cannot omit to give some brief account of him nere. He 
lived near, and sometimes attended my meeting, at the Forb 
of Delaware, for more than a year together ; but was, like 
many others of them, extremely attached to strong drink, and 
seemed to be in no degree reformed by the means which I 
used with them for their instruction and conversion. At this 
time he likewise murdered a likely young Indian, which threw 
him into some kind of horror and desperation, so that he kept 
at a distance from me, and refused to hear me preach for 
several months together, until I had an opportunity of con- 
versing freely with him, and giving him encouragement, that 
his sin might be forgiven, for Christ's sake. Afler this he 
again attended my meeting sometimes. 

»* But that which was the worst of all his conduct, was his 
conjuration. He was one of those who are sometimes called 
powaws, among the Indians ; and, notwithstanding his fre- 
quent attendance upon my preaching, he still followed his old 
charms and juggling tricks, ' giving out that himself was some 
great one, and to him they ^ave heed,' supposing him to be 
possessed of great power. When I have instructed them re- 
specting the miracle wrought by Christ in healing the sick, 
and mentioned them as evidence of his divine mission, and 
the truths of his doctrine ; they have quickly observed the won- 
ders of that kind, which this man had performed by his magic 
charms. Hence they had a high opinion of him and his super- 
stitious notions ; which seemed to be a fatal obstruction to 
some of them in regard to their receiving the Gospel. 1 have 
often thought that it would be a great favour to the design of 
evangelizing these Indians, if God would take that wretch out 
of the world ; for I had scarcely any hope of his ever becoming 
good. But God, whose thoughts are not as man's thoughts, 
has been pleased to take a much more desirable method with 


him ; a method agreeable to his own merciful nature, and I 
trust advantageous to his own interests among the Indians, as 
well as effectual to the salvation of his poor soul. To God be 
the glory of it. The first genuine concern for his soul, that 
ever appeared in him, was excited by seeing my Interpreter 
and his wife baptized at the Forks of Delaware, July 21, 1745. 
Which so prevailed upon him, that with the invitation of an 
Indian who was a friend to Christianity, he followed me down 
to Crossweeksung, in the beginning of August following in 
order to hear me preach ; and there continued for several 
weeks in the season of the most remarkable and powerful 
awakening among the Indians; at which time he was more effec- 
tually awakened, and brought under great concern for his soul. 
And then he says, upon his ^ feeling the word of God in his 
heart,' as he expresses it, his spirit of conjuration left him en* 
tirely, so that he has had no more power of that nature since, 
than any other man living. He also declares, that he does 
notnow so much as know, how he used to charm and conjure, and 
that he could not now do any thing of that nature if he were 
ever so desirous of it. 

^^ He continued under convictions of his sinful and perishing 
state, and a considerable degree of concern for his soul, all the 
fall and former part of the winter past ; but was not so deeply 
exercised until some time in January. Then the word of God 
took such hold upon him, that he was brought into deep dis- 
tress, and knew not what to do, nor where to turn himself. 
He then told me, that when he used to hear me preach from 
time to time in the fall of the year, my preaching pricked his 
heart, and made him very uneasy^ but did not bring him to 
so great distress, because he still hoped he could do something for 
his own relief ; but now he said, I drove him up in such a 
sharp corner, that he had no way to turn, and could not avoid 
being in distress. He continued constantly under the heavy 
burden and pressure of a wounded spirit, until at length he 
was brought into the acute anguish and utmost agony of soul, 
mentioned in my Journal of Feb. 1st. which continued that 
night and part of the next day. After this he was brought 
to the utmost calmness and composure of mind; his trem- 
bling and heavy burden was removed and he appeared per- 
fectly sedate, although he had to his apprehensions scarcely any 
hope of salvation. 

** I observed him to appear remarkably composed ; and there- 
upon asked him how he did ? He replied, ' It is done, it is 
done, it is all done now.' I asked him what he meant ? He 
answered, ^ I can never do any more to save myself; it is all 
done for ever. I can do no more.' I queried with him, 
whether he could not do a little more, rather than go to hell ? 
He replied ' my heart is dead. I can never help myself.' J 


asked him what he thought would become of him then 1 He 
answered ^ 1 must go to hell/ I asked him if he thought it was 
right, that God should send him to hell ? He replied ^ Oh it is 
right. The devil has been in me ever since I was born.' 1 
asked him if he felt this when he was in such great distress the 
evening before ? He answered, * No ; 1 did not then think it 
was right. 1 thought God would send me to hell, and that I 
was then dropping into it ; but my heart quarrelled with God 
and would not say it was ri^ht he should send me there ; but 
now I know it is right, for I have always served the devil; and 
my heart has no goodness in it now ; but it is as bad as ever it 
was,' &c. I thought I had scarcely ever seen any person dk^ 
effectually brought off from a dependence upon his own contri- 
vances and endeavours for salvation, or more apparently to 
lie at the foot of sovereign mercy, than this man did, under 
these views of things. 

^' In this frame of mind he continued for several days, pass- 
ing sentence of condemnation upon himself, and constantly 
owning that it would be right he should be damned, and that 
he expected this would be his portion for the greatness of his 
sins. Yet it was plain that he had a secret nope of mercy, 
though imperceptible to himself, which kept him not only bum 
despair, but from any pressing distress : so that, instead ot being 
sad and dejected, his very countenance appeared pleasant and 

" While he was in this frame, he several times asked me, 
' When I would preach again V and seemed desirous to hear 
the word of God every day. I asked, ' Why he wanted to 
hear me preach, seeing his heart was dead, and all was done ; 
that he could never help himself, and expected that he must 
go to hell V He replied, ' I love to hear you speak about 
Christ for all.' I added ' But what good will that do you, 
if you must go to hell at last ? — using now his own language 
with him, having before from time to time laboured in the4)est 
manner I could to represent to him the excellency of Christ, 
his all-sufficiency and willingness to save lost sinners, and per- 
sons just in his case ; although to no purpose, as to yielding 
him any special comfort. He answered, ' 1 would have others 
come to Christ, if I must go to hell myself.' It was remark- 
able, that he seemed to have a great love for the people of God ; 
and nothing affected him so much as being separated from 
them. This seemed to be a very dreadful part of the hell to 
which he saw himself doomed. It was likewise remarkable, 
that in this season he was most diligent in the use of all the 
means for the soul's salvation ; although he had the clearest 
view of the insufficiency of means to afford him help. He 
would frequently say. That all he did signified nothing at all ; 
and yet was never more constant in doing ; attending secret 
and family prayer daily ; and surprisingly diligent and atten- 


tive in hearing the word of God ; so that he neither despaired 
of mercy, nor yet presumed to hope upon his own doings, but 
used means because appointed of God in order to salvation ; 
and because he would wait upon God in his own way. 

After he had continued in this frame of mind more than a 
week, while I was discoursing publicly, he seemed to have a 
lively soul-refreshing view of the excellency of Christ and the 
way of salvation by him ; which melted him into tears, and 
filled him with admiration, comfort, satisfaction, and praise to 
God. Since then, he has appeared to be a humble, devout, 
and affectionate Christian ; serious and exemplary in his con- 
versation and behaviour, frequently complaining of his barren- 
ness, his want of spiritual warmth, life, and activity, and yet 
frequently favoured with quickening and refreshing influences. 
In all respects, so far as 1 am capable of judging, he bears 
the marks of one ^created anew in Christ Jesus to good 

" His zeal for the cause of God was pleasing to me, when he 
was with me at the Forks of Delaware m February last. There 
beinff an old Indian at the place where I preached, who threat- 
ened to bewitch me, and my religious people who accompanied 
me there, this man presently challenged him to do his worst ; 
telling him that himself had been as great a conjurer as he ; 
and that notwithstanding, as soon as he felt that word to his 
heart which these people loved, meaning the word of God, his 
power of conjuring immediately left him. * And so it would 
you,' said he, ' if you did but once feel it in your heart ; and you 
have no power to hurt them, nor so much as to touch one of 
them,' &c. So that I may conclude my account of him, by 
observing, in allusion to what was said of St. Paul, that he 
now zealously 'defends and practically preaches the faith 
which he once destroyed,' or at least was instrumental of ob- 
structing. May God have the glory of the amazing change 
which he has wrought in him ! 

May 10. " Rode to Allen's-town to assist in the administra- 
tion of the Lord's supper. In the afternoon, preached from 
Titus ii. 14. Who gave himself for us^ &c. God was pleased 
to carry me through, and to grant me some freedom ; and yet 
to deny me that enlargement and power for which I longed* 
In the evening my soul mourned, and could not but mourn, 
that I had treated so excellent a subject in so defective a man- 
ner ; that I had borne so broken a testimony for so worthy and 
glorious a Redeemer. If my discourse had met with the 
utmost applause from all the world, it would not have given 
me any satisfaction. Oh it grieved me to think, that I had no 
more holy warmth and fervency, that I had been no more melt- 
ed in discoursing of Christ's death and the end and design of 
it ! Afterwards enjoyed some freedom and fervency in family 


and secret prayer, and longed much for the presence of God 
to attend his word and ordinances the next day. 

Lard'' 8 day^ May 11. ^^ Assisted in the administration of the 
Lord^s supper ; but enjoyed but little enlargement : was erieved 
and sunk with some things, which I thought undesirable, dx. 
In the afternoon went to the house of God, weak and sick in 
soul, as well as feeble in body, and longed that the people might 
be entertained and edified with divine truths, and that an honest 
fervent testimony might be borne for God ; but knew not how 
it was possible for me to do any thing of that kind to any good 
purpose. Yet God, who is rich in mercy, was pleased to give 
me assistance both in prayer and preaching. God helpeclme 
to wrestle for his presence in prayer, and to tell him that he 
had promised, ^ Where two or three are met together in his 
name, there he would be in the midst of them ;' and that we 
were, at least some of us, so met ; and pleaded that for his 
truth's sake he would be with us. Blessed be God, it was sweet 
to my soul, thus to plead and rely on God's promises. Dis- 
coursed upon Luke ix. 30, 31. And behold there talked uM 
him two men^ which were Moses and EliaSj who appeared in 
glory, and spake of his decease, which he shotdd accomplish ai 
Jerusalem. Enjoyed special freedom from the beginning to 
the end of my discourse without interruption. Things perti- 
nent to the subject were abundantly presented to my view, and 
such a fulness of matter, that I scarce knew how to dismiss the 
various heads and particulars I had occasion to touch upon. 
Blessed be the Lord, I was favoured with some fervency and 
power, as well as freedom ; so that the word of God seemed 
to awaken the attention of a stupid audience to a considerable 
degree, I was inwardly refreshed with the consolations of 
God, and could with my whole heart say, ' Though there be 
no fruit in the vine, &c, yet will 1 rejoice in the Lord.' After 
public service, was refreshed with the sweet conversation of 
some Christian friends." 

The four next days seem to have been mostly spent with spi- 
ritual comfort and profit. 

May 16. " Near night enjoyed some agreeable and sweet 
conversation with a dear minister ; which was, 1 trust, blessed 
to my soul. My heart was warmed, and my soul engaged to 
live to God ; so that I longed to exert myself with more vigour 
than ever I had done in his cause; and those words were 
quickening to me, ' Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bring 
forth much fruit.' Oh, my soul longed, and wished, and prayed 
to be enabled to live to God with the utmost constancy and 
ardour ! In the evening God was pleased to shine upon me in 
secret prayer, and draw out my soul after himself; and I had 



freedom in supplication for myself, but much more in interces- 
sion for others : so that I was sweetly constrained to say, ^ Lord, 
use me as thou wilt ; do as thou wilt with me : but O, promote 
thine own cause ! Zion is thine ; Oh, visit thine heritage ! Let 
thy kingdom come ! Oh let thy blessed interest be advanced in 
the wond/ When I attempted to look to God respecting my 
worldly circumstances, and his providential dealings with me 
relative to niy settling down in my congregation ; which seems 
to be necessary, and yet very difficult, and contrary to my fixed 
intentions for years past, as well as to my disposition, which 
has been and still is, at times especially, to go forth, and spend 
my life in preaching the gospel fi-om place to place, and gather- 
ing souls afar off to Jesus the great Redeemer ; I could only 
«ay, " The will of the Lord be done ; it is no matter for me." 
The same fi'ame of mind I felt with regard to another import- 
ant afiair, of which I have lately had some serious thoughts. 
I could say, with the utmost calmness and composure, ^^ Lord, 
if it be most for thy glory, let me proceed in it ; but, if thou 
seest it will in any wise hinder my usefulness in thy cause, Oh 
prevent me from proceeding ; for all I want respecting this 
world IS such circumstances as may best capacitate me to do 
service for God in the world." But, blessed be God ! I enjoyed 
liberty in prayer for my dear flock, and was enabled to pour out 
my soul into the bosom of a tender Father. My heart within 
me was melted, when 1 came to plead for my dear people, and 
for the kingdom of Christ in general. Oh, how sweet was this 
evening to my soul ! I knew not how to go to bed ; and when 
I got to bed, longed for some way to improve time for God to 
some excellent purpose. Bless the Lord, O my soul I 

May 17. ^' Walked out in the morning, and felt much of the 
same frame which I enjoyed the evening before ; had my heart 
enlarged in praying for the advancement of the kingdom of 
Christ, and found the utmost freedom in leaving all my con- 
cerns with God. 

" I find discouragement to be an exceeding hindrance to my 
. spiritual fervency and affection ; but, when God enables me 
sensibly to find that I have done something for him, this refreshes 
and animates me, so that I could break through all hardships, 
and undergo any labours, and nothing seems too much either 
to do or to suffer. But oh, what a death it is to sirwe and 
strive ; to be always in a hurry, and yet do nothing, or at least| 
nothing/or God I Alas, alas, that time flies away, and I do so 
little for God ! 

Lord*8 day. May 18th. " I felt my own utter insufficiency for 
my work : God made me to see that I was a child ; yea, that 1 
was 9, fool. I discoursed both parts of the day from Rev. iii« 
90, ^^ Behold, I stand at the door and knock." God gave me 
freedom and power in the latter part of my forenoon^s dis- 

Vol. X. 38 


rourse : although, in the former part of it, I felt peevish and 
provoked with the unmannerly behaviour of the white people, 
who crowded in between my people and me; which proved .a 
great temptation to me. But, blessed be God ! I got these 
shackles off before the middle of my discourse, and was favoured 
with a sweet frame of spirit in the latter part of the exercise; 
was full of love, warmth, and tenderness in addressing my dear 
people. There appears some affectionate melting towards the 
conclusion of the forenoon exercise, and one or two instances 
of fresh awakening. In the intermission of public worship 1 
took occasion to discourse to numbers, in a more private way, 
on the kindness and patience of the blessed Redeemer in stand- 
ing and knocking, in continuing his gracious calls to sinners, 
who had long neglected and abused his grace ; which seemed 
to take some effect upon several. 

" In the afternoon divine truths were attended with solemnity 
and with some tears ; although there was not that powerfal 
awakening and quickening influence which in times past has 
been common in our assemblies. The appearance of the 
audience under divine truths was comparatively discouraging ; 
and I was ready to fear that God was about to withdraw the 
blessed influence of his Spirit from us. 

'' In the evening, 1 was grieved that I had done so little for 
God. Oh that I could be ^^ a flame offire^^ in the service of 
my God ! 

May 19. " Visited and preached to my people from Acts xx. 
18, 19, " And when they were come to him^ he said unto them^ 
Ye know from the first day^"" ^r. and endeavoured to rectify 
their notions about religious affections ; showing them on the 
one hand the desirableness of religious affection, tenderness, 
and fervent engagement in the worship and service of God, 
when such affection flows from a true spiritual discovery of 
divine glories from a just sense of the transcendent excellence 
and perfections of the blessed God, — and a view of the glory 
and loveliness of the great Redeemer ; and that such views of 
divine things will naturally excite us to " serve the Lord with* 
many tears, with much affection and fervency, and yet with all 
humility of mind.'' On the other hand I observed the sinful' 
ness of seeking after high affections immediately and /or their 
own sakes ; that is, of making them the object which our eye 
and heart is first and principally set upon, when the glory of 
God ought to be that object. Showed them, that if the heart 
be directly and chiefly fixed on God, and the soul engaged to 
glorify him, some degree of religious affection will be tne effect 
and attendant of it. But to seek after affection directly and 
chiefly ; to have the heart principally set upon that ; is to place 
it in the room of God and his glory. If it be sought, that 
others may take notice of it, and admire us for our spirituality 


and forwardness in religion, it is then abominable /wide ; if for 
the sake of feeling the pleasure of being affected, it is then 
idolatry and seif-gratification. Laboured also to expose the 
disagreeableness of those affections, which are sometimes 
wrought up in persons by the power of fancy, and their own 
attempts for that purpose, while I still endeavoured to recom- 
mend to them that religious affection, fervency, and devotion 
which ou^ht to attend all our religious exercises, and without 
which religion will be but an empty name and a lifeless car- 
case. This appeared to be a seasonable discourse, and proved 
very satisfactory to some of the religious people, who before 
were exercised with some difficulties relating to this point. 
Afterwards took care of, and gave my people directions about 
their worldly affairs." 

On Tuesday^ he complains of want of freedom and comfort ; 
but had some returns of these on Wednesday. 

May 22. " In the evening was in a frame somewhat remark- 
able. I had apprehended for some days before, that it was 
the design of Providence that I should settle among my people 
here, and had in my own mind began to make provision for 
it, and to contrive means to hasten it ; and found my heart 
somewhat engaged in it ; hoping that I might then enjoy more 
agreeable circumstances cf life in several respects ; and yet 
was never fully determined, never quite pleased with the 
tfioughts of being settled and confined to one place. Never- 
theless! seemed to have some freedom in that respect, because 
the congregation with which I thought of setthng, was one 
which God had enabled me to gather from among Pagans. 
For I never, since I began to preach, could feel any freedom 
to enter into other men^s labours, and settle down in the mi- 
nistry where the gospel was preached before. I never could 
make that appear to be my province. When I felt any dis- 
position to consult my worldly ease and comfort, God has 
never given me any liberty in this respect, either since, or for 
some years before, I began to preach. But God having suc- 
ceeded my labours, and made me instrumental in gathering a 
church for him among these Indians, I was ready to think it 
might be his design to give me a quiet settlement, and a 
stated home of my own. This, considering the late frequent 
sinking and failure of my spirits, and the need I stood in of 
some agreeable society, and my great desire of enjoying con- 
veniences and opportunities for profitable studies, was not al- 
together disagreeable to me. Although I still wanted to go 
about far and wide, in order to spread the blessed gospel among 
the benighted souls far remote, yet I never had been so willing 
to settle in any one place, for more than five years past, as I 


was in the preceding part of this week. But now tliese 
thoughts seemed to be wholly dashed to pieces, not by necessity, 
but of choice ; for it appeared to me that God^s dealings towarcb 
me had fitted me for a life of solitariness and hardship, and 
that I had nothing to lose, nothing to do with earth, and con- 
sequently nothing to lose by a total renunciation of it. It ap- 
peared to me just right that I should be destitute of house and 
nome, and many of the comforts of life, which I rejoiced to 
see others of God^s people enjoy. At the same time, I saw so 
much of the excellency of Christ ^s kingdom and the infinite de> 
sirableness of its advancement in the world, that it swallow- 
ed up all my other thoughts, and made me willing, yea, even 
rejoice, to be made b pilgrim or hermit in the wilderness to 
my dying moment ; it I might thereby promote the blessed 
interest of the great Redeemer. If ever my soul presented 
itself to God for his service, without any reserve of any kind^ 
it did so now. The language of my thoughts and disposition 
now was ^^ Here I am^ Lora, send me ; send me to the ends of 
the earth ; send me to the roughs the savage Pagans of the 
wilderness ; send me from all that is called comfort in earthy or 
earthly comfort ; send me even to death itself if it be but in thy 
service^ and to promote thy kingdom.'*^ At the same time, 1 
had as quick and lively a sense of the value of worldly com* 
forts, as I ever had : but only saw them infinitely overmatched 
by the worth of Christ^s kingdom, and the propagation of his 
blessed gospel. The quiet settlement, the certain place of 
abode, the tender friendship, which I thought 1 might be likely 
to enjoy in consequence of such circumstances, appeared as 
valuable to me, considered absolutely and in themselves^ as 
ever before ; but considered comparatively^ they appeared no- 
thing. Compared with the value and preciousness of an en- 
largement of Christ's kingdom, they vanished as stars before 
the rising sun. Sure I am, that, although the comfortable ac- 
commodations of life appeared valuable and dear to me, yet I 
did surrender and resign myself, soul and body, to the service 
of God, and to the promotion of Christ's kingdom ; though it 
should be in the loss of them all, I could not do any other, be- 
cause I could not will or choose any other. 1 was constrained, 
and yet chose, to say, " Farewell friends and earthly comforts, 
the dearest of them all, the very dearest^ if the Lord calls for it : 
adieu, adieu ; I will spend my life, to my latest moments, m 
caves and dens of the earthy if the kingdom of Christ may there- 
by be advanced. 1 found extraordinary freedom at this time 
in pouring out my soul to God for his cause ; and especially 
that his kingdom might be extended among the Indians, far re- 
mote ; and I had a great and strong hope that God would do 
it. I continued wrestling with God in prayer for my dear little 
flock here ; and more especially for the Indians elsewhere ; as 

H£II01RS or BRAINERD. 301 

well as for dear friends in one place and another until it was 
bed time, and I feared I should hinder the family, &c. But, 
O, with what reluctancy did I feel myself obliged to consume 
time in sleep ! I longed to be as a flame of fire^ continually 
glowing in the divine service, and building up Christ^s king- 
dom, to my latest, my dying moment. 

May 23. ** In the morning, was in the same frame of mind 
as in the evening before. The glory of Christ^s kingdom so 
much outshone the pleasure of earthly accommodations and en- 
joyments, that they appeared comparatively nothing, though in 
themselves good and desirable. My soul was melted in secret 
meditation and prayer ; and I found myself divorced from any 
part or portion in this world ; so that in those affairs which 
seemed of the greatest importance to me with respect to the 
present life, and in those with which the tenderest feelings of the 
heart are most sensibly connected ; I could only say, ^^ the will 
of the Lord be done." But just the same things, which I felt 
the evening before, I felt now, and found the same freedom in 
prayer for the people of my charge, for the propagation of the 
gospel among the Indians, and for the enlargement and spiritual 
wenare of Zion. in general, and my dear mends in particular 
now, as I did then ; and longed to burn out in one continued 
flame for God. Retained much of the same frame through 
the day. In the evening I was visited by my brother John 
Brainerd ; the first visit which I have ever received from any 
near relative since I have been a missionary. Felt the same 
flame of spirit in the evening, as in the morning ; and found 
that it was good for me to draw near to God, and leave all my 
concerns and burdens with him. Was enlarged and refreshed 
in pouring out my soul for the propagation of the gospel of the 
Redeemer among the distant tribes of Indians. Blessed be 
God. If ever I filled up a day with study and devotion, I was 
enabled so to fill up this day. 

May 24. ^^ Visited the Indians, and took care of their secular 
business ; which they are not able to manage themselves, with- 
out the constant care and advice of others. Afterwards dis- 
coursed to some of them particularly about their spiritual con- 
cerns. — Enjoyed this day somewhat of the same frame of mind 
which I felt the day before. 

Lord?s day^ May 25. " Discoursed both parts of the day 
from John xii. 44 — 48. " Jesus cried and said^ He thai believeth 
an me, &c." There was some degree of divine power attend- 
ing the word of God. Several wept, and appeared considerably 
anected, and one, who had long been under spiritual trouble, 
now obtained clearness and comfort, and appeared to rejoice 
in God her Saviour. It was a day of grace and divine good- 
ness ; a day wherein something I trust was done for the cause 
of God among my people ; a season of comfort and sweetness to 


numbers of the religious people ; although there was not that 
influence upon the congregation which was common some 
months ago." 

This week^ at least the former part of it, he was in a very 
weak state, but yet seems to have been free from melancbirf?, 
which often had attended the failing of his bodily strengto. 
He from time to time speaks of comfort and inward refreshment 
this week. 

Lord's day, June 1, 1746. " Preached both forenoon and af- 
ternoon from Matt. xi. 27, 28. The presence of God seemed 
to be in the assembly ; and numbers were considerably melted 
and affected under divine truths. There was a desirable ap* 
• pearance in the congregation in general, an earnest attention 
and an agreeable tenderness ; and it seemed as if God designed 
to visit us with further showers of divine grace. I then bap- 
tized ten persons ijlve adults, and^re children ; and was not a 
little refreshed with this addition made to the church of such as 
1 hope will be saved. I have reason to hope that God has 
lately, at and since our celebration of the Lord's stipper, brought 
to himself several persons who had long been under spiritual 
trouble and concern ; although there have been few instances 
of persons lately awakened out of a state of security. Those 
comforted of late seem to be brought in, in a more stleni way; 
neither their concern, nor consolation being so powerful and 
remarkable, as appeared among those more suddenly wrought 
upon in the beginning of this work of grace. 

June 2. " In the evening, enjoyed some freedom in secret 
prayer and meditation. 

June 3. " My soul rejoiced, early in the morning, to think 
that all things were at (jlod's disposal. Oh, it pleased me to 
leave them there ! Felt afterwards much as I did on Thursday 
evening last. May 22, and continued in that frame for several 
hours. Walked out in the wilderness, and enjoyed freedom, 
fervency and comfort in prayer, and again enjoyed the same in 
the evening. 

June 4. " Spent the day in writing, and enjoyed some com- 
fort, satisfaction and freedom in my work. In the evening, I 
was favoured with a sweet refreshing frame of soul in secret 
prayer and meditation. Prayer was now wholly turned into 
praise, and I could do little else but try to adore and bless the 
living God. The wonders of his grace displayed in gathering 
to himself a church among the poor Indians here, were the sub- 
ject matter of my meditation, and the occasion of exciting my 
soul to praise and bless his name. My soul was scarcely ever 
more disposed to inquire, What I should ^-ender to God for all 
his benefits ? than at this time. Oh, I was brought into a strait, 


a sweet and happy strait, to know what to do : I longed to 
make some returns to God ; but found I had nothing to return : 
I could only rejoice that God had done the work himself; and 
that none in heaven or earth might pretend to share the honour 
of it with him. I could only be glad that God's declarative 
glory was advanced by the conversion of these souls, and that 
it was to the enlargement of his kingdom in the world ; but saw 
I was so poor that I had nothing to offer to him. My soul and 
body, through grace, I could cheerfully surrender to him ; but 
it appeared to me this was rather a burden than a gift ; and 
nothing could I do to glorify his dear and blessed name. Yet 
Z was glad at heart, that he was unchangeably possessed of 

flory and blessedness. Oh that he might be adored and praised 
y ail his intelligent creatures to the utmost extent of their ca- 
pacities ! My soul would have rejoiced to see others praise him, 
though I could do nothing towards it myself." 

The next day he speaks of his being subject to some degree 
of melancholy ; but of being somewhat relieved in the evenings 

June 6. ** Discoursed to my people from part of Is. liii. The 
divine presence appeared to be among us in some measure. — > 
Several persons were much melted and refreshed ; and one man 
in particular, who had long been under concern for his soul, 
was now brought to see and feel, in a very lively manner, the 
impossibility of his doing any thing to help himself, or to bring 
him into the favour of God, by his tears, prayers and other 
religious performances ; and found himself undone as to any 
power or goodness of his own, and that there wa;s no way left 
him but to leave himself with God, to be disposed of as he 

June 7. " Being desired by the Rev. William Tennent to 
be his assistant in the administration of the Lord's Supper, I 
this morning rode to Freehold to render that assistance. My 
people also being invited to attend the sacramental solemnity ; 
they cheerfully embraced the opportunity, and this day attended 
the preparatory services with me. 

" In the afternoon I preached from Psalm Ixxiii. 28. * But it 
is good for me to draw near to God^'* &c. God gave me some 
freedom and warmth in my discourse : and 1 trust his presence 
was in the assembly. Was comfortably composed, enjoyed a 
thankful frame of spirit, and my soul was grieved, that 1 could 
not render something to God for his benefits bestowed. O that 
I could be swallowed up in his praise ! 

Lord^s day^ June 8. " Spent much time in the morning in 
secret duties, but between hope and fear respecting the enjoy- 
ment of God in the business of the day then before us. Was 
agreeably entertained in the forenoon by a discourse from Mr. 


TUBHiTKNT, and felt lomewbat melted and refreibed. In tbe 
season of communion, enjoyed some comfort ; and eqpeciaBjr in 
serving one of the tables. Blessed be the Lord I it was • tune 
of refi^hing to me, and I trust to many others. 

^ Most of my people, who had been cammnmeanii at. the 
Lord^s table, before being present at this sacramental occasion, 
communed with others in the holy ordinance, at the desure, waA 
I trust, to the satisfaction and comfort of numbers of God^ pen- 
pie, who had lonced to see this day^ and whose hearts had re- 
joiced in this wo» of grace among the Indians, which prmaied 
the way for what appeared so agreeable at this time. Those 
of my people who communed, seemed in general, agreeabfy at 
. fect^ at the Lord^s table, and some of them considnmy 
melted with the love of Christ, although they were not so re- 
markably refreshed and feasted at this time, as when I admi- 
nistered this ordinance to them in our own congregation onlf. 
A number of my dear people sat down by themselves at the last 
table ; at 'which time God seemed to be in the midst of liiem. 
Some of the by-standers were afiected with seeinff those who 
had been ^ aliens from the commonwealth of Israd, and stran- 
gers to tbe covenant of promise,^ who of all men had lived 
* without hope and without God in the world,* now faroug^ 
near to God^ as his professing people, and seating their cove- 
nant with him, by a solemn and devout attendance upon this 
sacred ordinance; As numbers of God^s people were refreshed 
with this sight, and thereby excited to bless God for the enlaqre- 
ment of his kingdom in the world ; so some others, I waB.t<3d« 
were awakened by it, apprehending the danger they were in of 
being themselves finally cast out ; while they saw others from 
the east and west preparing, and hopefully prepared in some 
^od measure, to sit down in the kingdom of God. At this sea- 
son others of my people also, who were not conmiunicants, 
were considerably afTected ; convictions were revived in several 
instances ; and one, the man particularly mentioned in my jour- 
nal of the 6th instant, obtained comfort and satisfaction; and 
has since given me such an account of his spiritual exercises, 
and the manner in which he obtained relief, a& appears v^ 
hopeful. It seems as if He, who commanded the light to shine 
out of darkness, had now ^ shined into his heart, and given him 
tbe li^t of,^ and experimental ' knowledge of the glory of God 
in the face of Jesus Christ' 

" In the afternoon God enabled me to preach with uncom- 
mon freedom, from 2 Cor. v. 20. " Now then we are ambassa- 
dors for Christ ^^'^ &c. Through the great goodness of God, I 
was favoured with a constant flow of pertinent matter, and pro- 
per expressions, from the beginning to the end of my discourse. 
In the evening I could not but rejoice in God, and bless him in 
the manifestations of grace in the day past ? Oh it was a sweet 


and solemn day and evening ! a season of comfort to the godly, 
and of awakening to some souls ! Oh that I could praise the 

Lord ! 

June 9. " Enjoyed some sweetness in secret duties. A con- 
siderable number of my people met together early in a retired 
place in the woodSy and prayed, sang, and conversed of divine 
tilings ; and were seen by some religious persons of the white 
people to be affected and engaged, and divers of them in tears 
m these religious exercises. Preached the concluding sermon 
from Gen. v. 24. " And Enoch walked with God^^"* &c. God 
gave me enlargement and fervency in my discourse, so that I 
was enabled to speak with plainness and power ; and God^s 
presence seemed to be in the assembly. Praised be the Lord, 
It was a sweet meeting, a desirable assembly. I found my 
strength renewed, and lengthened out even to a wonder, so 
that I felt much stronger at the conclusion than in the begin- 
ning of this sacramental solemnity. I have great reason to 
bless God for this solemnity ; wherein I have found assistance 
in addressing others, and sweetness in my own soul. 

^^ After my people had attended the concluding exercises 
of the sacramental solemnity, they returned home ; many of 
them rejoicing for all the goodness of God which they had 
seen and felt : so that this appeared to be a profitable as well 
as comfortable season to numbers of my congregation. Their 
being present at this occasion, and a number of them com- 
muning at the Lord's table with other Christians, was, 1 trust, 
for the honour of God and the interest of religion in these parts ; 
as numbers I have reason to think, were quickened by means 
of it." 

On Tuesday^ he found himself spent, and his spirits ex- 
hausted by his late labours ; and on Wednesday complainsuof 
vapoury disorders and dejection of spirits, and of enjoying §ut 
little comfort and spirituality. 

June 12. " In the evening enjoyed freedom of mind and some 
sweetness in secret prayer. It was a desirable season to me ; 
my soul was enlarged in prayer for my own dear people, and 
for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom, and especially for the 
propagation of the Gospel among the Indians, far back in the 
wilderness. Was refreshed in prayer for dear friends in New 
England and elsewhere. I found it sweet to pray at this time ; 
and could, with all my heart say, ' It is good for me to draw 
near to GodJ* 

June 13. " Preached to my people upon the new creature^ 
from 2 Cor. v. 17, * If any man be in Christ,^ &c. The pre- 
sence of God seemed to be in the assembly. It was a sweet 
and agreeable meeting, wherein the people of God were re- 

VoL. X. 39 


freshed and strengthened ; beholding their faces in the class of 
God^s word, and finding in themselves the works and linea* 
ments of the new creature. Some sinners under concern were 
also renewedly affected ; and afi'esh engaged for the securing 
of their eternal interests. 

^^ Baptized jive persons at this time, three adults, and two 
children. One of these was the very aged woman^ of whose 
exercises I gave an account in my diary of Dec. 26. She now 
gave me a very punctual, rational, and satisfactory account of 
the remarkable change which she experienced some months 
after the beginning of her concern, which I must say, appeared 
to be the genuine operations of the Divine Spirit, so far as I 
am ca-^able of judging. Although she was become so childish 
throu^ th<{e» that I could do nothing in a way oi queMionvng 
with \rhs, nor scarcely make her understand any thing that I 
aske(^ -A ; yet when I let her alone to go on with her own story, 
she c aid give a very distinct and particular relation of the 
many .-.nd various exercises of soul, which she had experienced; 
so deep were the impressions left upon her mind by that in- 
fluence and those exercises which she had experienced. I 
have great reason to think, that she is born anew in her old 
age : she being I presume, upwards of eighty. I had good 
hopes of the other adults, and trust they are such as God will 
own ' in the day when he makes up his jewels.' 

" I came away from the meeting of the Indians this day, 
rejoicing and blessing God for his grace manifested at this sea- 

June 14. " Rode to Kingston to assist the Rev. Mr. Wales 
in the administration of the Lord's supper. In the afternoon 
preached ; but almost fainted in the pulpit. Yet God strength- 
ened me when I was just gone, and enabled me to speak his 
word with freedom, fervency, and application to the conscience. 
-Jrraised be the Lord, ' out of weakness I was made strong.' 
I enjoyed some sweetness in and after public worship, but was 
extremely tired. Oh, how many are the mercies of the'Lord! 
'- To them that have no might he increaseth strength.' 

hordes day^ June 15. " Was in a dejected, spiritless frame, so 
that I could not hold up my head, nor look any body in the 
face. Administered the Lord's supper at Mr. Wales' desire, 
and found myself in a good measure unburdened and relieved 
of my pressing load, when I came to ask a blessing on the ele- 
ments. Here God gave me enlargement and a tender affec- 
tionate sense of spiritual things, so that it was a season of com- 
fort, in some measure to me, and I trust, more so to others. 
In the afternoon, preached to a vast multitude, from Rev. xxii. 
17 — ' Atid whoever will^^ &c. God helped me to offer a testi- 
mony for himself, and to leave sinners inexcusable in neglect- 
ing his grace. I was enabled to speak with such freedom, fin- 


ency and clearness, as commanded the attention of the great. 
Was extremely tired in the evening, but enjoyed composure 
and sweetness. 

/tiTie 16. <^ Preached again; and God helped me amazingly, 
so that this was a sweet refreshing season to my soul and others. 
Oh, forever blessed be God for help afforded at this time, when 
my body was so weak, and while there was so large an assembly 
to hear. Spent this afternoon in a comfortable agreeable 

Thd next day was spent comfortably. On Wednesday, he 
went to a meeting of ministers at Hopewell. 

June 19. " Visited my people with tw6 of the Re'«n^ ^id cor- 
respondents. Spent some time in conversation witi.V(inie of 
them upon spiritual things ; and took some care of theii ^j^orldly 
concerns. *^ 

" This day makes up a complete year from the first time of 
my preaching to these Indians in New Jersey. What amazing 
things has God wrought in this space of time, for this poor peo- 

Ele ! What a surprising change appears in their tempers and 
ehaviour I How are morose and savage Pagans, in this short 
period, transformed into agreeable, affectionate, and humble 
Christians ! and their drunken and Pagan bowlings turned into 
devout and fervent praises to God ; they * who were sometimes 
in darkness are now become light in the Lord.^ May they 
' walk as children of the light and of the day !' And now to 
Him that is of power to establish them according to the gos- 
pel, and the preaching of Christ — to God only wise, be glory 
through Jesus Christ, for ever and ever, Amen." 

CHAPTmilX. .. ■ I 

GenenU Remarkt on the preceding Narrative of a Wort^^ 
Orace at Crottweelumtg, I. On the Doctrines preached to - 
the Indians. II. On the Morid Efeas of preaching' Christ 
Crvc^ied. IIL On the Continuance, Renewal, and Quick- 
nets of the Work. IV, On the little appearance of Fidsc 
JReKguni.* ' 

" Af tbfi close of this NaiTBtive, I would make a few General 
Remqrlnt^pon what, to me, appears worthy of notice, relatiog 
to th^ Continued work of grace among iny people. 

h* On the Doctrinet preached to (J& Indians. 

" I Itaiinot but take notice, that I have in general, ever since 
mjrfintcomin^amongtfae Indiana in New-Jersey, been favoured 
with that auiBtance, which, to me, ia uncommon in preaching 
Christ enured, and making him the centre and marh to which 
all my discoureeB amone them were directed. 

" It was Oie priuciparscopfl and drift of all my discourses to 
this people, for several months together, (after havins taught 
them something of the being aad pirfections of God, his crea- 
tion of man in a state of rectitude and happiness, and the obli- 
gations mankind were thence under to love and honour him,) 
to lead them into an acquaintance wilh tlieir deplorable stale 
by nature, as fallen creatures ; their inubilitu to extricate and 
deliver themselves from it ; the utter insufficiency of any exter- 
na reformations and amendments of liTe, or of any reli^otu 
performances, of which they were capable, while in this stalie, 
to bring them into the favour of God, and interest them in htf 
eternal mercy; thence to show them their absolute need (^ 
Christ to redeem and save them from the misery of their fallail 
state; to open his all-sufficiency and willingness to save the.: 
chief of sinners ; — thcfreeness and riches of divine grace, pro- 
posed ' without money and without price,' to all that will ac- 
cept the ofTer ; thereupon to press them without delay, to be- 
take themselves to him, under a sense of their misery and kk- 
done state, for relief and everlasting salvation ; — and to show 
them the abundantencouragement the Gospel proposes toneedy, 
perishing, and helpless sinners, in order to engage them bo to 
do. These things, I repeatedly and largely insisted upon from, 
time to time. 

* As the General Remarlii in tbia diapter and the next were appended hj 
BBAnrxBD to hia Journal whiiA lennioated Jane 19, 1746, this is obrioiulj the 
proper place Jbr uuertiiij: them. 



*' I have oftentimes remarked with admiration, that whatever 
subject I have been treating upon, after having spent time suf- 
ficient to explain and illustrate the truths contained therein, I 
have been naturally and easily led to Christ as the substance 
of every subject. If I treated on the being and glorious per- 
fections of God, I was thence naturally led to discourse of 
Christ as the only 'way to the Father.' — Jf I attempted to 
open the deplorable misery of our fallen state, it was natural 
from thence to show the necessity of Christ to undertake for 
U8, to atone for our sins, and to redeem us from the power of 
them. — If I taught the commands of God, and showed our 
violation of them ; this brought me in the most easy and natu- 
ral way to speak of, and recommend the Lord Jesus Christ, as 
one who had ' magnified the law,' which we had broken, and 
who was ' become the end of it for righteousness, to every one 
that believes.' Never did I find so much freedom and assist- 
ance in making all the various lines of my discourses meet 
together and centre in Christ, as I have frequently done among 
these Indians. 

** Sometimes when I have had thoughts of offering but a few 
words upon some particular subject, and saw no occasion, nor 
.indeed much room, for any considerable enlargement, there has 
at unawares appeared such a fountain of Gospel-grace shining 
forth in, or naturally resulting from a just explication of it ; 
and Christ has seemed in such a manner to be pointed out as 
the substance of what I was considering and explaining ; that 
I have been drawn in a way not only easy and natural^ proper 
and pertinent^ but almost unavoidable to discourse of him, either 
in regard of his undertaking, incarnation, satisfaction, admira- 
ble fitness for the work of man's redemption, or the infinite need 
that sinners stand in of an interest in him ; which has opened 
the way for a continued strain of Gospel invitation to perishing 
souls, to come empty and naked^ weary and heavy laden, and 
cast themselves upon him. 

" As I have been remarkably influenced and assisted to dwell 
upon the Lord Jesus Christ, and the way of salvation by him, 
in the general current of my discourses here, and have been, 
at times, surprisingly furnished with pertinent matter relating 
to him, and the design of his incarnation ; so I have been no 
less assisted oftentimes in an advantageous manner of opening 
the mysteries of divine grace, and representing the infinite ex- 
cellencies, and ' unsearchable riches of Christ,' as well as of 
recommending him to the acceptance of perishing sinners. I 
have frequently been enabled to represent the divine glory, the 
infinite preciousness and transcendant loveliness of the great 
Redeemer, the suitableness of his person and purchase to sup- 
ply the wants, and answer the utmost desires of immortal souls ; 
— to open the infinite riches of his grace, and the wonderfiil 


encouragement proposed in the gospel to unworthy, helpless 
sinners ; — to call, invite, and beseech them to come and ^ire 
up themselves to him, and be reconciled to God throimh him ; 
— ^to expostulate with them respecting their neglect of one so 
infinitely lovely, and freely offered ; — and this in such U manner ^ 
with such freedom, pertinency, pathos, and appKcation to the 
conscience, as, I am sure, I never could have made myself mas- 
ter of by the most assiduous application of mind. Frequently, 
at such seasons, 1 have been surprisingly helped in adapting 
my discourses to the capacities of my people, and bringing 
them down into such easy and familiar methods of ezpressioii, 
as has rendered them intelligible even to Pagans. 

'^ I do not mention these things as a recommendation of my 
own performances ; for 1 am sure, I found, from time to tim^ 
that 1 had no skill or wisdom for my great work ; and knew not 
how ^ to choose out acceptable words^ proper to address poor 
benighted Pagans with. But thus God was pleased to help me, 
^ not to know any thing among them, save Jesus Christ, and 
him crucified/ Thus I was enabled to show them their misery 
without him, and to represent his complete Jitness to redeem 
and save them. 

*^ This was the preaching God made use of for the awakening 
of sinners, and the propagation of this ' work of grace among 
the Indians.^ — It was remarkable, fi-om time to time, that vrfaen 
I was favoured with any special freedom, in discoursing of the 
^ ability and willingness of Christ to save sinners,^ and ' the need 
in which they stood of such a Saviour ;' there was then the 
greatest appearance of divine power in awakening numbers of 
secure souls, promoting convictions begun, and comforting the 

" I have sometimes formerly, in reading the apostle^s dis- 
course to Cornelius, (Acts x.) wondered to see him so quickly 
introduce the Lord Jesus Christ into his sermon, and so entirely 
dwell upon him through the whole of it, observing him in this 
point very widely to differ from many of ouimodem preachers; 
but latterly this has not seemed strange, since Christ has ap- 
peared to be the substance of the gospel, and the cenire m 
which the several lines of divine revelation meet. Still I am 
sensible that there are many things necessary to be spoken to 
persons under Pagan darkness, in order to make way for a pro- 
per iiitroduction of the name of Christ, and his undertaking in 
behalf of fallen man. 

II. "On the moral Effects of preaching Christ crucified. 

" It is worthy of remark, that numbers of these people are 
brought to a strict compliance with the rules of morality and 
sobriety^ and to a conscientious performance of the extemei 
duties of Christianity, by the internal power and influence of 
divine truths — the peculiar doctrines of grace — upon tiieir 


minds ; without their having these moral duties frequently re- 
peated and inculcated upon them, and the contrary vices par* 
ticularly exposed and spoken against. What has been the 
general strain and drift of my preaching among these Indians, 
what were the truths i principally insisted upon, and how I was 
influenced and enabled to dwell from time to time upon the 
peculiar doctrines of grace, I have already observed in the pre- 
ceding remarks. Those doctrines, which had the most direct 
tendeincy to humble the fallen creature ; to show him the misery 
irf'his natural state ; to bring him down to the foot of sovereign 
mercy^ and to exalt the great Redeemer — discover his trans* 
cendent excellency and infinite preciousness, and so to recom* 
mend him to the sinner^s acceptance — were the subject-matter 
of what was delivered in public and private to them, and from 
time to time repeated and inculcated upon them. 

^^ God was pleased to give these divine truths such a power- 
fa] influence upon the minds of these people, and so to bless 
them for the effectual awakening of numbers of them, that their 
lives were quickly reformed, without my insisting upon the pre- 
cepts of morality^ and spending time in repeated harangues 
upon external duties. There was indeed no room for any kind 
of discourses but those which respected the essentials of reli- 
gion, and the experimental knowledge of divine things, while 
Uiere were so many inquiring daily — not how they should regu- 
late their external conduct, for that^ persons who are honestly 
disposed to comply with duty, when known, may in ordinary 
cases, be easily satisfied about, but — ^how they should escape 
from the wrath they feared, and felt a desert of,— obtain an ef- 
fectual change of hearty — ^get an interest in Christ, — and come 
to the enjoyment of eternal blessedness ? So that my great work 
still was to lead them into a further view of their utter undone- 
ness in themselves, the total depravity and corruption of their 
hearts ; that there was no manner of goodness in them ; no good 
disposition^ nor desires ; no love to God, nor delight in his 
commands : but, on the contrary, hatred, enmity, and all man- 
ner of wickedness reigning in them : — And at the same time to 
^ open to them the glorious and complete remedy provided in 
Christ for helpless perishing sinners, and offered freely to those 
who have no goodness of their own, no * works of righteousness 
which they have done, to recommend them to God.' 

" This was the continued strain of my preaching; this my 
great concern and constant endeavour, so to enlighten the mind, 
as thereby duly to affect the hearty and, as far as possible, give 
persons a sense of feeling of these precious and important doc- 
trines of grace, at least, so far as means might conduce to it. 
These were the doctrines, and this the method of preaching, 
which were blessed of God for the awakening, and I trust, the 
saving conversion of numbers of souls ; — and which were made 

319 JtSMOlM OV BftAIBnKD. 

the meant <^ inxxlucing a remarkd>le refivmation among tbe 
hearen in general 

** When these truths were felt at heartj there was now no 
vice iinrefonned, — no external du^ neglected. — Dninkcnneii, 
dke darlii^ vice, was broken off from, and ecarce an inBtanAt 
of it known among my hearers for moDthg togp^tlier. Thekbi- 
uve practice of hutbmdt and wivee in [>utting away each other, i 
•ad taking others in their stead was quickly rctbniiod ; so that 
. there are three or four couple wito have voluntarily dismissed i 
thoee whom they had wrongfully taken, and now live together J 
in lore and peace. The same might be said ctf iill other vicious i 
pmcticea. — ^THie reformation was genera! ; and all sprin^ng 1 
nrom the intaiud influence of divine truths upon their hearts; | 
and Dot&om any external restraints, or becautc tiiey iiad heard 
■ theie vices particutarly exposed, and repeatedly sj>okcn ii^ainxl, 
Some of them I never so much as mentioned; particuliirly, ihiit 
<tf tbe parting of men and their wives, till some, having theii 
CCMMcieDce awakened by God's word, came, and of their own 
accord, confessed themselves gailty in that respect. When I at 
aoj time mentioned their wicked practices, and the sins ihej | 
wen guilty of contrary to tbe Uffht of nature, it vras not wilh a 
dorign, nor indeed with any hope, of Working an effectual re- 
fbnnaticm in their external manners by this.'means, for I knen', 
that while the tree remained corrupt uie frmt would naturdk \ 
be so. My design vras te lead them, by observing the wickea- 
neas of their lives, to a view of the corruption of their hearts, ■ 
and BO to convince them of the necessity of a renovation of ni' 
tare, and to excite them with the utmost diligence to seek aRet ' 
that great change ; which, if once obtained, I was sensible, 
would of course produce a reformation of external manners in . 
every respect. 

" And as all vice was reformed upon their ^eelin^ the pomi 
of these truths upon their hearts, ao the external duties of Oirit- , 
tiani^ were complied with, and conscientiously performed from 
tbe same internal influence ; family prayer set up, and constantly 
maintained, unless amongsome few morelatefycotne, whobad. ' 
felt little of this divine influence. This duty was constantly pe^ 
formed, even in some families where there were none but ft- 
male<, and scarce a prayerless person was to be found amone 
near an hundred of them. The Lord's day was seriously and 
religiously observed, and care taken by parents to keep their 
children orderly upon that sacred day ; and this, not be- 
cause I hod driven them to the performance of these duties, by 
frequently inculcating them, but because they bad yelt the 
power of God's word upon their hearts, — were made senable 
of their sin and misery, and thence could not but pray, and 
comply with every thing which they knew to be their duty, fi«m 
what they felt withm themselves. When their hearts were 


touched with a sense of their eternal concerns, tliey could pray 
with great freedom, as well as fervency, without being at the 
trouble first to learn set forms for that purpose. Some of them, 
who were suddenly awakened at their first coming among us, 
were brought to pray and cry for mercy with the utmost im- 
portunity, without ever being instructed in the duty of prayer, 
or so much as once directed to a performance of it. 

" The happy effects of these peculiar doctrines of grace, upon 
which I have so much insisted upon this people, plainly disco- 
ver, even to demonstration, that, instead of their opening a door 
to licentiousness, as many vainly imagine, and slanderously in- 
sinuate, they have a directly contrary tendency ; so that a close 
application, a sense and feeling of them, will have the most 
powerful influence toward the renovation, and effectual refor- 
mation both of heart and life. 

" Happy experience, as well as the word of God, and the ex- 
ample of Christ and his apostles, has taught me, that the very 
method of preaching which is best suited to awaken in man- 
kind a sense and lively apprehension of their depravity and 
misery in q. fallen state ^ — to excite them earnestly to seek after 
a change of heart, as to fly for refuge to free and sovereign 
grace in Christ as the only Iwpe set before them^ is likely to be 
most sticcessful in the reformation of their external conduct. — 
I have found that close addresses, and solemn applications of 
divine truth to the conscience, strike at the root of all vice 5 
while smooth and plausible harangues upon moral virtues and 
external duties^ at best are like to do no more than lop off* the 
branches of corruption, while the root of all vice remains still 

" A view of the blessed effect of honest endeavours to bring 
home divine truths to the conscience, and duly to affect the 
heart with them, has often reminded me of those words of our 
Lord, which I have thought might be a proper exhortation for 
ministers in respect of their treating with others, as well, as for 
persons in general with regard to themselves, ' Cleanse first the 
inside of the cup and platter, that the outside may be clean also.' 
Cleanse, says he, the inside, that the outside may be clean. As 
if he had said. The only effectual way to have the outside clean, 
is to begin with what is within; and if the fountain he pu- 
rified, the streams will naturally be pure. Most certain it is, if 
we can awaken in sinners a lively sense of their inward pollu- 
tion and depravity — their need of a change of heart — and so 
engage them to seek after inward cleansing, their external de- 
filement will naturally be cleansed, their vicious ways oi course 
be reformed, and their conversation and behaviour become re- 

"Now, although I cannot pretend that the reformation 
among my people^ does, in every instance, spring from a saving 

Vol. X, 40 


change of heart ; yet I may trul^ say, it flows from some heart- 
(xffecting view and sense of divme truths which all have had in 
a greater or less degree. — I do not intend, by what I have ob- 
served here, to represent the preaching ojf morality and press- 
ing persons to the external performance of duty, to be alto- 
gether unnecessary and useless at any time ; and especially at 
times when there is less of divine power attending the means 
of grace ; — when, for want of internal influences, mere is need 
of external restraints. It is doubtless among the things that 
^ ought to be done,^ while ^ others are not to be left undone/ — 
But what I principally designed by this remark, was to discover 
a plain matter of fact, viz. That the reformation, the sobriety, 
and the external compliance with the rules and duties of Chris- 
tianity, appearing among my people, are not the effect of any 
mere doctrinal instruction, or merely rational view of the beauty 
of morality^ but from the internal power and influence which 
the soul humbUng doctrines of grace have had upon their 

III. ^^ On the Continiumce^ Renewal, end Quickness of the 

^^ It is remarkable, that God has so continued and renewed 
the showers of his grace here ; — so quickly set up his visible 
kingdom among these people ; and so smikd upon them in re- 
lation to their acquirement of knowledge, both divine and hu- 
man. It is now nearlv a year since the beginning of this gra- 
cious outpouring of the divine Spirit among them; and al- 
though it has often seemed to decline and abate for some short 
space of time — as may be observed by several passages of my 
Journal, where I have endeavoured to note things just as they 
appeared to me — yet the shower has seemed to be renewed, 
and the work of grace revived again. A divine influence seems 
still apparently to attend the means of grace, in a greater or 
less degree, in most of our meetings for religious exercises; 
whereby religious persons are refreshed, strengthened, and es- 
tablished, — convictions revived and promoted in many instan- 
ces, and some few persons newly awakened from time to time. 
It must be acknowledged, that for some time past, there has, in 
general, appeared a more manifest decline of this work ; and 
the divine Spirit has seemed, in a considerable measure, with- 
drawn, especially with regard to his awakening influence — so 
that the strangers who come latterly, are not seized with con- 
cern as formerly ; and some few who have been much affected 
with divine truths in time past, now appear less concerned. — 
Yet, blessed be God, there is still an appearance of divine power 
and grace, a desirable degree of tenderness, religious aflfection 
and devotion in our assemblies. 

" As God has continued and renewed the showers of his 
grace among this people for some time ; so he has with uncom- 


men quickness set up his visible kingdom, and gathered himself 
a church in the midst of them. I have now baptized^ since the 
conclusion of my last Journal^ (or the First Part^) thirty jpei- 
son^—ffteen adults BXii fifteen children. Which added to the 
number there mentioned, makes seventy-seven persons ; whereof 
thirty-eight are adults, and thirty-nine children ; and all within 
the space of eleven months past. It must be noted, that I have 
baptized no adults, but such as appeared to have a work of 
m>ecial grace wrought in their hearts ; I mean such as have had 
the experience not only of the awakening and humbling, but 
in a judgment of charity, of the renewing and confirming infiu- 
^ences oi the divine Spirit. There are many others under so- 
lemn concern for their souls, who I apprehend, are persons of 
sufficient knowledge, and visible seriousness, at present^ to ren- 
der them proper subjects of the ordinance of baptism, ifet 
since they give no comfortable evidence of a saving change, but 
only appear under convictions of their sin and misery ; as the 
propensity in this people to abuse themselves with strong drink 
IS naturally very great ; and as some, who at present appear 
serious and concerned for their souls, may lose their concern, 
and return to this sin, and so, if baptized, prove a scandal to 
their profession ; I have thought proper hitherto to defer their 

" I likewise administered the Lord's supper to a number of 
persons, who I have abundant reason to think, as I elsewhere 
observed, were proper subjects of that ordinance, within the 
space of len months and ten days^ after my first coming among 
these Indians in New-Jersey. From the time, when, as I am 
informed, some of them attending an idolatrous feast and sacri- 
fice in honour to devils^ to the time when they sat down at the 
Lord^s table, I trust to the honour of God, was not more than a 
full year. Surely Christ's little flock here, so suddenly gather- 
ed from among Pagans, may justly say, in the language of the 
church of old, * The Lord hath done great things for us, where- 
of we are glad.' 

^^ Much of the goodness of God has also appeared in relation 
to their acquirement of knowledge, both in religion and in the 
affairs of common life. There has been a wonderful thirst after 
Christum knowledge prevailing among them in general, and an 
eager desire of being instructed in Christian doctrines and 
manners. This has prompted them to ask many pertinent as 
well as important questions ; the answers to which have tended 
much to enlighten their minds, and promote their knowledge 
in divine things. Many of the doctrines which I have deliver- 
ed, they have queried with me about, in order to gain further 
light and insight into them ; particularly the doctrine of predes- 
tination ; and have from time to time manifested a good under- 


standing of them, by their answers to the questions proposed to 
them in my catechetical lectures. 

" They nave likewise queried with me, respecting a proper 
method^ as well as proper matter^ of prayer, and expressions sui- 
table to be used in that religious exercise ; and have taken pains 
in order to the performance of this duty with understanding.— 
They have likewise taken pains, and appeared remarkably apt 
in learning to sing Psalm-tunes^ and are now able to sing with 
a good degree of decency in the worship of God. — They have 
also acquired a considerable degree of useful knowledge in the 
affairs of common life ; so that they now appear like rational 
creatures, fit for human society, free of that savage roughness 
and brutish stupidity, which rendered them very disagreeable in 
their Pagan state. 

" They seem ambitious of a thorough acquaintance with the 
English language, and for that end frequently speak it among 
themselves. Many of them have made good proficiency in their 
acquirement of it, since my coming among them ; so that most 
of them can understand a considerable part, and some the sub- 
stance of my discourses, without an interpreter^ being used to 
my low and vulgar methods of expression, though they could 
not well understand other ministers. 

" As they are desirous of instruction, and surprisingly apt in 
the reception of it, so divine Providence has smiled upon them 
with regard to the proper means in order to it. The attempts 
made for the procurement of a school among them have been 
succeeded, and a kind providence has sent them a schoolmaster 
of whom I may justly say, I know of ' no man like minded, who 
will naturally care for their state.' — He has generally thirty or 
thirty-five children in his school : and when he kept an evening 
school, as he did w^hilc the length of the evenings would admit 
of it, he hviA fifteen or twenty people, married and single. 

" The children learn with surprisiuij^ readiness ; so that their 
master tells me, he never had an English school which learned, 
in general, comparably so fast. There were not above two in 
thirty^ although some of them were very small, but that learned 
to know all the letters in the alphabet distinctly, within three 
days after his entrance upon his business ; and several in that 
space of time learned to spell considerably. Some of them, 
since the beginning of February last,*" when the school was set 
up, have learned so much, that they are able to read in a Psal- 
ter or Testament^ without spelling. 

" They are instructed twice a week in the Assembly's Shorter 
Catechism^ on Wednesday and Saturday. Some of them 
since the latter end of February, when they began, have learn- 

♦ In less than five months, viz. from Feb. 1, to June 19. 


ed to say it pretty distinctly by hearty considerably more than 
half through ; and most of them have made some proficiency 
in it 

** They are likewise instructed in the doty of secret prayer, 
and most of them constantly attend it night and morning, and 
are very careful to inform their master if they apprehend that 
any of their little school-mates neglect that religious exercise. 

IV, " On the little Appearance of False Religion. 

" It is worthy to be noted, to the praise of sovereign grace, 
that amidst so great a work of conviction — so much concern 
and religious affection — there has been no prevalence^ nor in- 
deed any considerable appearance of false religion^ if I may so 
term it, or heats of imagination, intemperate zeal, and spiritual 
pride ; which corrupt mixtures too often attend the revival and 
powerful propagation of religion ; and that there have been very 
few instances of irregular and scandalous behaviour among 
those who have appeared serious. I may justly repeat what 1 
formerly observed, that there has here been no appearance of 
' bodily agonies, convulsions, frightful screamings, swoonings,^ 
. and the like ; and may now fiirther add, that there has been no 
prevalence of visions, trances, and imaginations of any kind ; 
although there has been some appearance of something of that 
nature ; an instance of which I have given an account of in my 
Diary for December 26. 

" feut this toork of grace has, in the main, been carried on 
with a surprising degree of purity^ and freedom from trash and 
corrupt mixture. The religious concern under which persons 
have been, has generally been rational and just / arising from 
a sefise of their sins and exposedness to the divine displeasure 
on account of them ; as well as their utter inability to deliver 
themselves from the misery which they felt and feared. If 
there has been, in any instance, an appearance of concern and 
perturbation of mind, when the subjects of it knew not why ; 
yet there has been no prevalence of any such thing ; and indeed 
1 scarcely know of any instance of that nature at all.-^It is very 
remarkable, that, although the concern of many persons under 
convictions of their perishing state has been very great and 
pressing, yet 1 have never seen any thing like desperation at- 
tending it in any one instance. They have had the most lively 
sense of their undoneness in themselves; have been brought to 
give up all hopes of deliverance from themselves ; have experi- 
enced great distress and anguish of soul ; and yet, in the seasons 
of the greatest extremity, there has been no appearance of des- 
pair in any of them, — nothing that has discouraged, or in any 
wise hindered them from the most diligent use of all proper 
means for their conversion and salvation. Hence it is appa- 
rent, that there is not that danger of persons being driven into 


despair under spiritual trouble^ unless in cases of deep and 
habitual melancholy, which the world m general is ready to 

" The comfort which persons have obtained after their dis- 
tresses, has fikewise in general appeared solid, well grounded, 
and scriptural ; arising from a spiritual and gupematurdHJlnmh 
nation of mind, — a view of divine things, in a measure, as theg 
are^ — a complacency of soul in the divine perfections, — and a 
peculiar satisfaction in the way of salvation by free sovereign 
grace in the great Redeemer. 

" Their joys have seemed to rise from a variety of views and 
considerations of divine things, although for substance the 
same. Some, who under conviction seemed to have the hardest 
struggles and heart-risings against the divine sovereignty^ have 
seemed, at the first da^n of their comfort, to rejoice in a pecu- 
liar manner in that divine perfection : — and have been delight* 
ed to think that themselves, and all things else, were in the 
hand of God, and that he would dispose of them * just as be 

" Others, who just before their reception of comfort have been 
remarkably oppressed with a sense of their undoneness and 
poverty, who have seen themselves, as it were, falling down 
into remediless perdition, have been at first more peculiarly de- 
lighted with a view of the freeness and riches of divine ficrace, 
and the offer of salvation made to perishing sinners ^ without 
money, and without price.' 

" Some have at first appeared to rejoice especially in the 
zvisdom of God, discovered in the way of salvation by Christ ; it 
then appearing to them * a new and living way,' a way of which 
they had never thought, nor had any just conceptions, until 
opened to them by the special influence of the divine Spirit. 
Some of them, upon a lively spiritual view of this way of salva- 
tion, have wondered at their past folly in seeking salvation in 
other ways, and have wondered that they never saw this way of 
salvation before, which now appeared so plain and easy^ as well 
as excellent to them. 

" Others, again, have had a more general view of the beauty 
and excellency of Christ, and have had their souls delighted 
with an apprehension of his divine glory, as unspeakably ex- 
ceeding all of which they had ever conceived before ; yet, with- 
out singling out any one of the divine perfections in particular; 
so that although their comforts have seemed to arise from 
a variety of views and considerations of divine glories, still 
they were spiritual and supernatural views of them, and not 
groundless fancies, which were the spring of their joys and 

'• Yet it must be acknowledged, that, when this work became 


SO universal and prevalent^ and gained such general credit and 
esteem among the Indians as Satan seemed to have little ad- 
vantage of working against it in his own proper garb, he then 
transformed himself ' into an angel of light,' and made some 
vigorous attempts to introduce turbulent commotions of the 
passions in the room of genuine convictions of sin, imaginary 
and fanciful notions of Christ, as appearing to the mental eye 
in a human shape, and in some particular postures, &c. in the 
room of spiritual and supernatural discoveries of his divine 
glory and excellency, as well as divers other delusions. I have 
reason to think, that, if these things had met with countenance 
and encouragement, there would have been a very considerable 
harvest of this kind of converts here. 

" Spiritual pride also discovered itself in various instances. 
Some persons who had been under great affections, seemed 
very desirous from thence of being thought truly gracious : who, 
when 1 could not but express to them my fears respecting their 
spiritual state, discovered their resentments to a considerable 
degree upon that occasion. There also appeared in one or two 
of them an unbecoming ambition of being teachers of others. 
So that Satan has been a busy adversary here, as well as else- 
where. But blessed be God, though something of this nature 
has appeared, yet nothing of it has prevailed^ nor indeed made 
any considerable progress at all. My people are now apprised 
of these things, are made acquainted, that Satan in such a 
manner ^ transformed himself into an angel of light,^ in the first 
season of the great outpouring of the divine Spirit in the days 
of the apostles ; and that something of this nature, in a greater 
or less degree, has attended almost every revival and remarka- 
ble propagation of true religion ever since. They have learned 
so to distinguish between the gold and dross^ that the credit of 
the latter ^ is trodden down like the mire of the streets ;' and, as 
it is natural for this kind of stu^ to die with its credit^ there is 
now scarce any appearance of it among them. 

" As there has been no prevalence of irregular heats, imagi* 
nary notions, spiritual pride, and Satanical delusions among my 
people ; so there have been very few instances of scandalous 
and irregular behaviour among those who have made a pro- 
fession^ or even an appearance of seriousness. I do not know 
of more than three or four such persons who have been guilty 
of any open misconduct, since their first acquaintance with 
Christianity ; and not one who persists in any thing of that na- 
ture. Perhaps the remarkable purity of this work in the latter 
respect, its freedom from frequent instances of scandal, is very 
much owing to its purity in the former respect, its freedom from 
corrupt mixtures of spiritual pride, wild-fire, and delusion, 
which naturally lay a foundation for scandalous practices. 


" May this blessed work in the power and purity of it prevail 
among the poor Indians here, as well as spread elsewhere, till 
their remotest tribes shall see the salvation of God ! Ameiu''* 

* '* Money eoileeted and expended for the Indians^ — As mention has been made in 
the preceding Diary, of hh English school erecied and continued among these In- 
dians, dependent entire y upon charity ; and as collections have already been mads 
in divers olaces for the support of it, as well as lor defraying other charges which 
have necesi^arily arisen in the piomotion of the religious interests of the Indiaitt; 
it may be satisfactory, and perhaps will be thought by some but a piece (rf'jas- 
tice to the world, that an exact account be here given of the money already r^ 
ceived hy way of collection for the benefit of the Indians, and the manner in 
which it has been expended. 

The following is therefore a just account of this matter : — 
Money received since October last, by way of public coUectioD, for promotii^ 
the religious interests of the Indians in New-Jersey, viz. 

£. #. d. 

From New York 23 10 2 

Jamaica on Long-Island 3 

Elizabeth-Town 7 5 

Elizubeth-Town Farms 1 18 9 

Newark ........ 457 

Woodbridge 2 18 2 

Morris-Town 1 5 3 * 

Freehold 12 11 

Freehold Dutch congregation . • • . 4 14 3 

Shrewsbury and Shark-river . . • . 3 5 

Middle-Town Dutch congregation . . • 2 

The Dutch congregation in and about N. Brunswick 3 5 
KingVtown . . . . . . . 5 11 

Neshaminy, and places adjacent in Pennsylyania 14 5 10 

Abington and New-Providence, by the hand of the 
Rev. Mr. Treat 10 5 

The whole amounting to £100 

Money paid out since October last for promoting the religious interests of the 

Indians in New-Jersey, viz, 

£. s. d. 
Upon the occasion mentioned in my Journal of Jan. 28 82 5 
For the building of a school-house . . . 3 5 

To the schoolmaster as a part of bis reward for his 

present year's service 17 10 

For books for the children to learn in . . 3 

The whole amounting to J&106 



General Remarks on the Work of Grace at Crossweeksung 
continued. — Introduction. — Method of learning the Indian 
Language. — Method of Instructing the Indians, — Difficulties 
in the way in converting them to Christianity. — Attestations 
of neighbouring Ministers^ Elders^ and Deacons to the Dis- 
play of Divine grace at Crossweeksung. 

^^ 1 should have concluded what I had at present to offer, 
upon the affairs respecting my mission^ with the preceding ac- 
count of the money collected and expended for the religious in- 
terests of the Indians, but that 1 have not long since received 
from the Rev. President of the correspondents, the copy of a 
letter directed to him from the Hon. Society for propagating 
Christian knowledge, dated Edinburgh, March 21, 1745. 
Wherein I find it is expressly enjoined upon their missionaries, 
' That they give an exact account of the methods they make 
use of for instructing themselves in the Indians^ language, and 
what progress they have already made in it ; of what methods 
they are now taking to instruct the Indians in the principles 
of our holy religion : and particularly of what difficulties they 
have already met with, and of the methods they make use of 
for surmounting the same.^ 

" As to the two former of these particulars, I trust that what 
I have already noted in my communications from time to time, 
might have been in good measure satisfactory to the Hon. So- 
ciety, had they arrived safely and seasonably ; which 1 am sen- 
sible they have not in general done, by reason of their falling 
into the hands of the enemy ; although I have been at the 
pains of sending two copies of each, for more than two years 
p ast, lest one might miscarry in the passage. With relation 
to the latter of these particulars, I have purposely omitted say- 
ing any thing considerable, and that for these two reasons. 
Firsts because I could not oftentimes give any tolerable account 
of the difficulties which I met with in ray work, without speak- 
ing somewhat particularly of the causes of them, and the cir- 
cumstances conducing to them, which would necessarily have 
rendered my journals very tedious. Besides, some of the causes 
of my difficulties, I thought more fit to be concealed than di- 
vulged. Secondly^ because I thought that a frequent mention 
of the difficulties attending my work, might appear an unbe- 
coming complaint under my burdens ; or as if I would rather 
be thought to be endowed with a singular measure of self-denial, 
constancy, and holy resolution, to meet and confront so many 

Vol, X. 41 


difficulties, and yet to hold on and go forward amidst them 
all. But since the honourable Society are pleased to require 
a more exact and particular account of these things, I shall 
cheerfully endeavour something for their satisfaction in rela- 
tion to each of these particulars ; although with regard to the 
latter, I am ready to say, Infandum—jubes renovare delorem. 


'' Method of learning the Indian language. 

" The most successful method which I have taken for instruct- 
ing myself in any of the Indian languages, is to translate En- 
frhsh discourses by the help of an interpreter or two, into their 
anguage, as near verbatim as tlie sense will admit of, ami to 
observe strictly how they use words, and what constructioD 
thc^ will bear in various cases ; and thus to ffain some ac- 
quaintance with the root from whence particiuar words pro- 
ceed, and to see how they are thence varied and diversified. 
But here occurs a very great difficultjr ; for the interpreters be- 
in^ unlearned, and unacquainted with the rules of language, 
it IS impossible sometimes to know by them what part of speech 
some particular word is of, whether noim^ rer6, or participle; 
for they seem to use participles sometimes where we should 
use nouns^ and sometimes where we should use verbs in tte 
English language. 

" But I have, notwithstanding many difficulties, gained some 
acquaintance with the grounds of the Delaware language, and 
have learned most of the defects in it ; so that I know what 
English words can, and what cannot be translated into it. I 
have also gained some acquaintance with the particular phra- 
seologies, as well as peculiarities of their language, one of which 
I cannot but mention. Their language does not admit of their 
speaking any word denoting relation, such as, father, son, &c. 
absolutely ; that is, without prefixing a pronoun-possessive to 
it, such as, wi?/, thy^ his^ &c. Hence they cannot be baptized 
in their own language in the name of the Father, and the Son, 
&,c ; but they may be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ 
and his Father, &c. I have gained so much knowledge of 
their language, that I can understand a considerable part of 
what they say, when they discourse upon divine things, and am 
frequently able to correct my interpreter if he mistakes my 
sense. But I can do nothing to any purpose at speaking the 
language myself. 

" As an apology for this defect, I must renew, or rather en- 
large my former complaint, viz : — That ' while so much of my 
time is necessarily consumed in journeying,' while I am obliged 
to ride four thousand miles a year, as I have done in the year 


past, * I can have little left for any of my necessary studies^ and 
consequently for the study of the Indian languages.' This, I 
may venture to say, is the great, if not the only reason why the 
Delaware language is not fa,!niliar to me before this time. It 
is impossible that I should ever be able to speak it without close 
application, for which, at present, I see no prospect of having 
time. To preach and catechise frequently ; to converse pri- 
vately with persons who need so much instruction and direc- 
tion as these poor Indians do ; to take care of all their secular 
affairs, as if they were a company of children ; to ride about 
frequently in order to procure collections for the support of the 
school^ and for their help and benefit in other respects ; to hear 
and decide all the petty differences which arise among any of 
them ; and to have the constant oversight and management of 
all their affairs of every kind ; must needs engross most of my 
time, and leave me little for application to the study of the In- 
dian languages. When I add to this the time that is necessa- 
rily consumed upon my Diary, I must say I have little to spare 
for other business. I have not, as was observed before, sent 
to the Hon. Society less than two copies of every journal, for 
more than two years past ; most of which, I suppose, have 
been taken by the French in their passage. A third copy I 
have constantly kept by me, lest the others should miscarry. 
This has caused me not a little labour, and so straitened me 
for time, when I have been at liberty from other business, and 
had opportunity to sit down to write, which is but rare, that 1 
have been obliged to write twelve and thirteen hours in a day ; 
till my spirits have been extremely v^fasted, and my life almost 
spent, to get these writings accomplished. After all, after dili- 
gent application to the various parts of my work, and after the 
most industrious improvement of time, of which I am capa- 
ble, both early and late, I cannot oftentimes possibly gain two 
hours in a week for reading, or any other studies, unless just for 
what appears of absolute necessity /or the present. Frequently 
when I attempt to redeem time, by sparing it out of my sleep- 
ing hours, I am by that means thrown under bodily indisposition, 
and rendered fit for nothing. — This is truly my present state, 
and is like to be so, for ought I can see, unless I could procure 
an assistant in my work, or quit my present business. 

"Although I have not made that proficiency which I could 
wish to have made, in learning the Indian languages ; yet I 
have used all endeavours to instruct them in the English 
tongue; which perhaps will be more advantageous to the 
Christian interest among them, than if I should preach in their 
own language ; for that is very defective, as I shall hereafter 
observe, so that many things cannot be communicated to them 
without introducing English terms. Besides, they can have no 
books translated into their language, without great difllculty 



and expense; and if stiil accustomed to their own lan- 
guage only, they would have no advantage of hearing other 
ministers occasionally, or in my absence. So that my having 
a perfect acquaintance with the Indian language, would be (h 
no great importance with regard to this congregation of Indians 
in New-Jersey, although it might be of great service to me in 
treating with the Indians elsewhere. 


Method of Instructing the Indians, 

'' The method which I am taking to instruct the Indians in the 
principles of our holy religion, are, to preach, or open and im- 
prove some particular points of doctrine ; to expound particular 
paragraphs, or sometimes whole chapters of God^s word to 
them ; to give historical relations from Scripture of the most 
material and remarkable occurrences relating to the church of 
God from the beginning; and frequently to catechise them 
upon the principles of Christianity. The latter of these me- 
thods of instructing, I manage in a twofold manner. 1 some- 
times catechise systematicaUy^ proposing questions agreeaUy 
to the Assembly's Shorter Catechism. This I have carried to 
a considerable length. At other times 1 catechise upon any 
important subject which I think difficult to them. Sometimes, 
when I have discoursed upon some particular point, and made 
it as plain and familiar to them as I can, I then catechise them 
upon the most material branches of my discourse, to see whe- 
ther they had a thorough understanding of it. But as 1 have 
catechised chiefly in a systematical form, I shall here give some 
specimen of the method I make use of in it, as well as of the 
propriety and justness of my people's answers to the questions 
proposed to them. 

" Questions upon the benefits believers receive from Christ at 


Q. " 1 have shown you, that the children of God receive a 
great many good things from Christ while they live, now have 
they any more to receive when they come to die ? 

A. Yes. 

Q. Are the children of God ihen made perfectly free from 
sin ? A. Yes. 

Q. Do you think they will never more be troubled with vain, 
foolish, and wicked thoughts ? A. No, never at all. 

Q. Will they not then be like the good angels 1 have so often 
told you of? A, Yes. 

Q. And do you call this a great mercy to be freed from all 
sin? A. Yes. 


Q. Do-all God^s children count it so ? 

A. Yes, all of them. 

Q. Do you think this is what they would ask for above all 
thinffs, if God should say to them, Ask what you will, and it 
dialT be done for you ? 

A, O yes, besure, this is what they want. 

Q. You say the souls of God's people at death are made 
perfectly free from sin, where do they go then ? 

JL. They go and live with Jesus Christ. 

Q. Does Christ show them more respect and honour, and 
make them more happy* than we can possibly think of in this 
world? A. Yes, 

Q. Do thev go immediately to live with Christ in heaven, as 
soon]|as their bodies are dead ? or do they tarry somewhere else 
a while ? 

A. They go immediately to Christ. 

Q. Does Christ take any care of the bodies of his people 
when they are^dead, and their souls gone to heaven, or does he 
forget them ? A, He takes care of them. 

^ These questions were all answered with surprising readi- 
ness, and without once missing, as I remember. In answering 
severa^of them, which respected deliverance from sin, they 
were much affected, and melted with the hopes of that happy 

'* Questions upon the benefits which believers receive from 

Christ at the resurrection. 

Q. You see I have already shown you what good things 
Christ gives his good people while they live, and when they 
<x>me to die : now, will he raise their bodies, and the bodies of 
others, to life again at the last day ? 

A. Yes, they shall all be raised. 

Q. Shall they then have the same bodies they now have ? 

A, Yes. 

Q. Will their bodies then be weak, will they feel cold, hun- 
ger, thirst, and weariness, as they now do ? 

A. No, none of these things. 

Q. Wiir their bodies ever die any more after they are raised 
to;iife? * A. No. 

Q. T^ill their souls and bodies be joined together again ? 

A. Yes. 

Q. WillJGod's people be more happy then, than they were 
while their bodies were asleep ? A. Yes. 

* The only way I have to express their *^ entering into glory," or being glo- 
rified ; there being no word in the Indian language answering to that general 


Q. Will Christ then own these to be his people before all the 
world ? A, Yes. 

Q. But God^s people find so much sin in themselves, that 
they are often ashamed of themselves, and will not Christ be 
ashamed to own such for his friends at that day ? 

A. No, he never will be ashamed of them. 

Q. Will Christ then show all the world, that he has put away 
these people^s sins,* and that he looks upon them as if they had 
never sinned at all ? A. Yes. 

Q. Will he look upon them as if they had never sinned, for 
the sake of any good things they have done themselves, or for 
the sake of his righteousness accounted to them as if it was 

A. For the sake of his righteousness counted to them, not fix 
their own goodness. 

Q. Will God^s children then be as happy as they can desire 
to be ? A. Yes. 

Q. The children of God while in this world, can but now 
and then draw near to him, and they are ready to think they 
can never have enough of God and Christ, but will they have 
enough there, as much as they can desire ? 

A. O yes, enough, enough. 

Q. Will the children of God love him then as much as they 
desire, will they find nothing to hinder their love from going to 

A. Nothing at all, they shall love him as much as they de- 

Q. Will they never be weary of God and Christ, and the 
pleasures of heaven, so as we are weary of our friends and en- 
joyments here, after we have been pleased with them a while ? 

A, No, never. 

Q. Could God's people be happy if they knew God loved 
them, and yet felt at the same time that they could not love and 
honour him ? A. No, no. 

Q, Will this then make God's people perfectly happy, to 
love God above all, to honour him continually, and to feel his 
love to them ? A. Yes. 

Q. And will this happiness last for ever ? 
A. Yes, for ever, for ever. 

"These questions, like the former, were answered without 
hesitation or missing, as I remember in any one instance." 

" Questions upon the duty which God requires of men, 

Q. Has God let us know any thing of his will, or what he 
would have us to do to please him ? A. Yes. 

* The only way I have to express their being openly — cLcquitted. In like man- 
ner, when I speak of justification, I have no other way but to call it God's look- 
ing upon us as good creatures. 


Q. And does he require us to do his will, and to please him ? 

A. Yes. 

Q. Is it right that God should require this of us, has he any 
business to command us as a father does his children ? 

A. Yes. 

Q. Why is it right that God should command us to do what 
he pleases ? 

A, Because he made us, and fives us all our good things. 

Q. Does God require us to do any thing that will, hurt us, 
and take away our comfort and happiness ? A. No. 

Q. But God requires sinners to repent and be sorry for their 
sins, and to have their hearts broken ; now, does not this hurt 
them, and take away their comfort, to be made sorry, and to 
have their hearts broken ? 

A. No, it does them good. 

Q. Did God teach man his will at first by writing it down in 
a book, or did he put it into his heart, and teach him without a 
book what was right ? 

A. He put it into his heart, and made him know what he 
should do. 

Q. Has God since that time writ down his will in a book ? 

A. Yes. 

Q. Has God written his whole will in his book ; has he there 
told us all that he would have us believe and do ? 

A. Yes. 

Q. What need was there of this book, if God at first put his 
will into the heart of man, and made him feel what he should 

JL There was need of it, because we have sinned, and made 
our hearts blind. 

Q. And has God writ down the same things in his book, 
that he at first put into the heart of man ? 

A. Yes. 

" In this manner I endeavour to adapt my instructions to the 
capacities of my people ; although they may perhaps seem 
strange to others who have never experienced the difficulty of 
the work. These, of which I have given an account, are the 
methods I am from time to time pursuing, in order to instruct 
them in the principles of Christianity. I think I may say, it is 
my great concern that these instructions be given them in such 
a manner^ that they may not only be doctrinally taught^ but 
duly ejected thereby ; that divine truths may come to them, 
* not m word only, but in power and in the Holy Ghost,' and 
be received * not as the word of man.' 


SECT. 111. 

^^ Difficulties attending the Christianizing of the Indians — Fint 
Difficulty^ the rooted aversion to Christianity that generally 
prevails among them. 

'' I shall now attempt something with relation to the lastpar* 
ticular required by the Honourable Society in their letter, yiz. 
To give some account of the * difficulties I have already met 
with in my work, and the methods I make use of for surmount- 
ing the same.^ 

I. ^^ I have met with great difficulty in my work among these 
Indians, ^from the rooted aversion to Christianity which gener- 
ally prevails among them,^ They are not only brutishly stupid 
and Ignorant of divine things, but many of them are obstinately 
set against Christianity, and seem to abhor even the Christian 

" This aversion to Christianity arises partly from a view of 
the ^ immorality and vicious behaviour oimany who are called 
christians.^ They observe that horrid wickedness in nominal 
christians, which the light of nature condemns in themselves ; 
and not having distinguishing views of things, are ready to look 
upon all the white people alike^ and to condemn them oltie, 
for the abominable practices of some. — Hence, when I have at- 
tempted to treat with them about Christianity, they have fre- 
quently objected the scandalous practices of Christians. They 
have observed to me, that the white people lie, defraud, steal, 
and drink worse than the Indians ; that they have taught the 
Indians these things, especially the latter of them ; who before 
the coming of the English, knew of no such thing as strong 
drink ; that the English have, by these means, made them quar- 
rel and kill one another ; and, in a word brought them to the 
practice of all those vices which now prevail among them. So 
that they are now vastly more vicious, as well as much more 
miserable, than they were before the coming of the white peo- 
ple into the country. — These, and such like objections, they 
frequently make against Christianity, which are not easily an- 
swered to their satisfaction ; many of them being facts too no- 
toriously true. 

" The only way I have to take in order to surmount this diffi- 
culty^ is to distinguish between nominal and reaZ christians ; and 
to show them, that the ill conduct of many of the former pro- 
ceeds not from their being christians, but from their being chris- 
tians only in name^ not in heart. To this it has sometimes been 
objected, that, if all those who will cheat the Indians are chris- 
tians only in name, there are but few left in the country to be 
christian in heart. This, and many other of the remarks they 


pass upon the white people, and their miscarriages, I am forced 
to own, and cannot but grant, that many nominal christians are 
more abominably wicked than the Indians, fiut then I attempt 
to show them, that there are some who feel the power of Chris- 
tianity, and that these are not so. I ask them, when they ever 
saw me guilty of the vices of which they complain, and with 
which the^ charge Christians in general ? But still the great 
difficulty IS, that the people who live back in the country near- 
est to them, and the traders who go among them, are generally 
of the most irreligious and vicious sort ; and the conduct of 
one or two persons, be it never so exemplary, is not sufficient 
to counterbalance the vicious behaviour of so many of the 
same denomination, and so to recommend Christianity to 

" Another thing which serves to make them more averse to 
Christianity, is a ' fear of being enslaved.' They are, perhaps, 
some of the most jealous people living, and extremely averse 
to a state of servitude ; and hence are always afraid of some 
desi^ forming against them. Besides, they seem to have no 
sentiments of generositv, benevolence, and goodness. If any 
thing be proposed to them, as being for their good, they are 
ready rather to suspect, that there is at bottom some design 
forming against them, than that such proposals flow from good 
will to them, and a desire of their welfare. Hence, when I , 
have attempted to recommend Christianity to their acceptance, 
they have sometimes objected, that the white people have 
come among them, have cheated them out of their lands, and 
driven them back to the mountains, from the pleasant places 
they used to enjoy by the sea-side ; that therefore they have no 
reason to think the white people are now seeking their welfare; 
but rather that they have sent me out to draw them together, 
under a pretence of kindness to them, that they may have an op- 
portunity to make slaves of them, as they do of the poor negroes, 
or else to ship them on board their vessels, and make them 
fight with their enemies. Thus they have oftentimes construed 
all the kindness I could show them, and the hardships I have en- 
dured in order to treat with them about Christianity. — *• He 
never would,' say they, ' take all this pains to do us good ; he 
must have some wicked design to hurt us some way or other.' 
To give them assurance of the contrary, is not an easy matter ; 
while there are so many, who, agreeable to their apprehension, 
are only * seeking their own,' not the good of others. 

** To remove this difficulty, I inform them, that I am not sent 
out among them by those persons in these provinces.! who they 
suppose, have cheated them out of their lands ; but by pious 
people at a great distance, who never had an inch of their lands. 
nor ever thought of doing them anv hurt. 

Vol. X. 42 

390 JI&JI01&6 or BftAlKUU>. 


^* But here will arise so many firhroUMis and iippertiiieiil ipM- 
tioos, that it would tire oae^s patience, aiid weapr ofajL pi|C^*# 
spirits to hear them ; such as, * Bui why did not ffl^ gP04 
people send you to teach us before, while we ^f^ HQf MjjB^f 
down by the sea-side. If they had sent yoi| tfae^i, wo ^hiwHA 
likely have heard you, and turned Christians.^ The poor fSB^ffr 
tures still imagimou;, that I should be much behi4den tp tfeMffit 
in case they woula hearken to Christianity ; and insiynupting, 
that this was a favour they could not now be so good as to show 
me, seeing they had received so many injuries ffom the wpliUe 

^ Another sprint of aversion to Christianity in the Indiftiis, if 

^ their stronff attachment to their own religious notions, if tbey 

may be called religious, and the early prejudices which th^ 

have imbibed in favour of their own ftantic and ridiculous kind 

of worship.^ What their notions of God are, in their Paf^sa 

state, is hard precisely to determine. I have taken muc^ paus 

to in(]uire of mj Christian people, whether they, befcwe thw 

acquamtance with Christianity, imagined that there was fn 

plurality of oreat invisible powers, or whether they ramqtad 

put one such oeing, and wcmhipped him in a variety iof UflBf 

and shapes ; but cannot learn any thing of them so distiiict psto 

be fully satisfied upon the point. Their notions in that st^ 

were so prodigiously dark and confiised, that they aeefned not 

to know what they thought themselves. But cfo &r as I can 

learn, they had a notion of a plurality of invisible deiiiee^ and 

paid some kind of homage to them promiscuously, under a great 

variety of forms and shapes. It is certain, that those who yet 

remain Paffans, pay some kind of superstitious reverence to 

beasts, biros, fishes, and even reptiles ; that is, some to one kind 

of animal, and some to another. They do not indeed suppose 

a divine power essenticd to, or inhering in, these creatures ; but 

that some invisible beings — I cannot learn that it is always one 

such being only, but divers ; not distinguished fi'om each other 

by certain names, but only notionally ;-— communicate to those 

animals a great power ^ either one or other of them, just as it 

happens, or perhaps sometimes all of them ; and so make these 

creatures the immediate authors of good to certain persons. — 

Whence such a creature becomes sacred to the persons to 

whom he is supposed to be the immediate author of^good, and 

through him they must worship the invisible powers, though to 

others he is no more than another creature. Perhaps another 

animal is looked upon to be the immediate author of good to 

another ; and consequently he must worship the invisitue ppW'» 

ers in that animal. I have known a Pagan burn fine tobacco 

for incense, in order to appease the anger of that invisible power, 

which he supposed presided over rattle-snakes^ because one of 

these animals was killed by another Indian near lus hoi)se. 

MEXdlfRd OF BRAINiSRl^. 331 

** After the strictest inquiry respecting their notions of the 
Deitj, I find, that in ancient times, before the coming of the 
white people, some supposed that there were four mvisible 
powers, who presided over the four corners of the earth. 
Others imagined the 9un to be the ovdy deity, and that all 
things were made by him. Others, at the same time, have a 
confused notion of a certain body or fountain of deity ^ some- 
what like the anima mundi^ so frequently mentionedf by the 
more learned ancient Heathens, diffusing itself to varipus ani- 
mals, and even to inanimate things, making them the imme- 
diate authors of good to certain persons, as before observed, 
with respect to various supposed deities. But after the coming 
of the white people, they seemed to suppose there were three 
deities, and three only, because they saw people of three differ- 
ent kinds of complexion, viz. English, Negroes, and Indians. 

'* It is a notion pretty generally prevailing among them, that 
it wa« not the same God made them, who made us ; but that 
they were made after the white people ; which further shows, 
that they imagine a plurality of divine powers. I fancy that 
thejr suppose tneir God gained some special skill by seeing the 
white people made, and so made them better ; for it is certain 
they look upon themselves, and their method of living, which 
they say, their God expressly prescribed for them, vastly pre- 
ferable to the white people, and their method. Hence they 
will frequently sit and laugh at the whites, as being good for 
nothing else but to plough and fatigue themselves with hard 
labour ; while they enjoy the satisfaction of stretching them- 
selves on the ground, and sleeping as much as they please ; and 
have no other trouble but now and then to chase the deer, 
which is often attended with pleasure rather than pain. Hence, 
by the way, many of them look upon it to be as disgracefiil for 
tnem to become Christians, as it would be esteemed among 
Christians for any to become Pagans. They suppose our reli- 

g'on will do well enough for us, because prescribed by otir 
od ; yet it is no way proper for them, because not of the 
same make and origmal. This they have sometimes ofiered 
as a reason why tl^y did not incline to hearken to Christi- 

*^ They seem to have some confused notion about a future 
state of existence, and many of them imagine that the chichung^ 
i, e. the shadow^ or what survives the body, will at death go 
southward^ and in an unknown but curious place, will enjoy 
some kind of happiness, such as hunting, feasting, dancing, 
and the like. What they suppose will contribute much to their 
happiness in that state is, that they shall never be weary of 
those entertainments. It seems by this notion of their going 
ecuthtoard to obtain happiness, as if they had their course into 
these parts of the world firom some very cold climate, and 


found the further they went sauikward the mote eomfiirtabie 
they w&[e ; and thence concluded, that perfect felicity was to 
be found further towards the same point 

** They seem to have some faint and glimmering notion about 
^ewatdi and punishmeniSj or at least hufprness and wngen in a 
future state ; that is, some with whom I have conversed ; though 
others seem to know ci no such thing. Those who suppose 
this, seem to ima^ne that most will be happ^ ; and that tnoae 
who are not so, will be punished only with prwaUom^ being only 
excluded the walls of that good world, where hiq>py souls shall 

^ These rewards and punishments they suppose to depend 
entirely upon their conduct with relation to tne duties of the 
stfcofui table, L e. their behaviour towards mankind ; and seem, 
so far as I can see, not to imagine that they have any reference 
to their religiaus notions or practices, or any thing that refailes 
to the worwlp of God I remember I once conmlted a veiy 
ancient, but mtelligent Indian upon this point, for my own 
satisfaction ; and asked him, whether the Indians of old times 
had sppposed there was any thing of the man that woidd suT" 
vivethebodvT He replied, * Yes.^ I asked him, where he sup- 
poMd its abode would be T He replied, ^ It would go south- 
ward/ I asked him further, whether it would be happy diere f 
He answered, afler a considerable pause, * that the soub aS 
rood folks would be happy, and the souls of bad folks misera- 
Ue.^ I then asked him, whom he called bad folks f His an- 
swer, as I remember, was, ^ Those who lie, steal, quarrel with 
their neighbours, are unkind to their fHends, and especially to 
aged parents, and, in a word, such as are a plague to man* 
kmd.^ These were his had folks ; but not a word was said 
about their neglect of divine worship, and their badness in 
that respect. 

" They have indeed some kind of religious worship, are fre- 
quently offering sacrifices to some supposed invisible powers, 
and are very ready to impute their calamities in the present 
world, to the negiect of these sacrifices ; but there is no ap- 
pearance of reverence and devotion in the homage which they 
pay them ; and what they do of this nature, seems to be done 
only to appease the supposed anger of their deities, to engage 
them to be placable to themselves, and do them no hurt, or at 
most, only to invite these powers to succeed them in those en- 
terprises they are engaged in respecting ihe present life. So 
that in offering these sacrifices, they seem to have no reference 
to a future state, but only to present comfort. This is the ac- 
count my interpreter always gives me of this matter. * They 
sacrifice,^ says he, ' that they may have success in hunting and 
other affairs, and that sickness and other calamities may not 
befall them, which they fear in the present world, in case of 


neglect ; but they do not suppose God will ever punish them in 
the coming world for neglecting to sacrifice.' Indeed they 
seem to imagine, that those whom they call bad folksy are ex- 
cluded fi'om the company of good people in that state, not so 
much because God remembers, and is determined to punish 
them for their sins of any kind, either immediately against him- 
self or their neighbour, as because they would be b. plague to 
society, and would render others unhappy if admitted to dwell 
with them. So that they are excluded rather o{ necessity^ than 
by God acting as a righteous judge, 

" They give much heed to dreams^ because they suppose 
these invisible powers give them directions at such times about 
certain affairs, and sometimes inform them what animal they 
would choose to be worshipped in. They are likewise much 
attached to the traditions and fabulous notions of their fathers ; 
who have informed them of divers miracles that were anciently 
wrought among the Indians, which they firmly believe, and 
thence look upon their ancestors to have been the best of men. 
They also mention some wonderful things which, they say, 
have happened since the memory of some who are now living. 
One I remember affirmed to me, that himself had once been 
dead four days ; that most of his friends in that time were gath- 
ered together to his funeral, and that he should have been bu- 
ried, but that some of his relations at a great distance, who 
were sent for upon that occasion, were not arrived ; before 
whose coming he came to life again. In this time, he says, he 
went to the place where the sun rises ; imagining the earth to 
be a plain ; and directly over that place, at a great height in 
the air, he was admitted, he says, into a great house, which he 
supposes was several miles in lengthy and saw many wonderful 
thmgs, too tedious as well as ridiculous to mention. Another 

Eerson, a woman, whom 1 have not seen, but of whom i have 
een credibly informed by the Indians, declares that she was 
dead several days, that her soul went southward^ and feasted 
and danced with the happy spirits, and that she found all 
things exactly agreeable to the Indian notions if a future state. 
To these superstitious notions and traditions, land to this ridi- 
culous worship thej^ are extremely atjtached ; and the prejudice 
which they have imbibed in favour of these things, renders 
them not a little averse to the doctrines of Christianity. Some 
of them have told me, when I have endeavoured to instruct 
them, ^^ that their fathers had taught them already, and that 
they did not want to learn now." 

"It will be too tedious to give any considerable account of 
the methods I make use of for surmounting this difficulty. I 
will just say, I endeavour, as much as possible, to show them 
the inconsistency of their own notions, and so to confound 
thejn out of their own mouths. I must also say, I have some- 

334 MEMOIRS or brainerd. 

times been almost nonplussed with them, and scarcely kneur 
what to answer them ; but never have been more perplexed 
with them, than when they have pretended to yield to me as 
knowing more than they, and consequently have asked me 
numbers of impertinent, and yet difficult questions, as, ^ How 
the Indians came first into this part of the world, away from 
all the white people, if what 1 said was true,^ viz. that the 
same God made them who made us ? * How the Indians be- 
came blacky if they had the same original parents with the 
white people V And numbers more of the like nature. — 
These things, I must say, have been not a little difficult and 
discouraging, especially when withal some of the Indians have 
appeared angry and malicious against Christianity. 

"What further contributes to their aversion to Christianity is, 
the influence which their powaws {conjurers or diviners) have 
upon them. These are a sort of persons who are supposed to 
have a power o{ foretelling future events^ or recovering the sid^ 
at least oftentimes, and of charming^ enchanting^ or poisoning 
persons to death by their mogtc divinations. Their spirit, in its 
various operations, seems to be a Satanical imitation of the 
spirit of prophecy with which the church in early ages was fa- 
voured. Some of these diviners are endowed with the spirit in 
infancy ; — others in adult age. It seems not to depend upon 
their own will, nor to be acquired by any endeavours of t^e 
person who is the subject of it, although it is supposed to be 
given to children sometimes in consequence of some meaner 
which the parents use with them for that purpose ; one of vrtiich 
is to make the child swallow a small living frog, after having 
performed some superstitious rites and ceremonies upon it. 
They are not under the influence of this spirit always alike, — 
but it comes upon them at times. Those who are endowed 
with it, are accounted singularly favoured. " I have laboured 
to gain some acquaintance with this aflair of their conjuration^ 
and have for that end consulted and queried with the man 
mentioned in my diary, May 9, who, since his conversion to 
Christianity, has endeavoured to give me the best intelligence 
he could of this matter. But it seems to be such a mystery of 
iniquity^ that I cannot well understand it, and do not know 
oftentimes what ideas to affix to the terms he makes use o£ 
So far as I can learn, he himself has not any clear notions of 
the thing, now his spirit of divination is gone from him. How- 
ever, the manner in which he says he obtained this spirit of 
divination was this ; — he was admitted into the presence of a 
great man^ who informed him, that he loved, pitied, and desired 
to do him good. It was not in this world that he saw the 
great man, but in a world above at a vast distance from this. 
The great man he says, was clothed with the day ; yea, with 
the brightest day he ever saw : a day of many years, yea, of 


eyearlfusting continuance ! this whole world, he says, was drawn 
upon him, so that in him, the earth, and all things in it, might 
ba seen. I asked him, if rocks, mountains, and seas, were 
drawn upon, or appeared in him ? He replied, that every thins 
that was beautiful and lovely in the earth was upon him, and 
might be seen by looking on him, as well as if one was on the 
earth to take a view of them there. By the side of the great 
man, he says, stood his shadow or spirit ; for he used (chichungy) 
the word they commonly use to express that part of the man 
which survives the body, which word properly signifies a shadow. 
This shadow, he says, was as lovely as the man himself, and 
filled all places^ and was most agreeable as well as wonderful 
to him. — Here he says, he tarried some time, and was unspeak- 
ably entertained and delighted with a view of the ^reat man, 
of his shadow, or spirit, and of all things in him. What is most 
of all astonishing, ne imagines all this to have passed before he 
was born. He never had been he says, in this world at that 
time. What confirms him in the belief of this, is, that the 
gre$tt man told him, that he must come down to earth, be born 
^ 9Wh a woman, meet with such and such things, and in par- 
tlQUlart that he should once in his life be guilty of murder. At 
tbuf be was displeased, and told the great man he would 
never murder. But the great man replied, ^I have said it, and 
it £|hall be so.^ Which has accordingly happened. At this time, 
h^ says, the great man asked him wnat he would choose in life. 
T^e replied, first to be a hunter^ and afterwards to be a powaw 
W[ diviner. Whereupon the great man told him, he should 
k^ve what he desired, and mat his shadow should go along 
with him down to earth, and be with him for ever, .There 
WaSf he says, all this time no words spoken between them* 
The conference was not carried on by any human language, 
Vut they had a kind of mental intelligence of each other^s 
U^ouffhts, dispositions and proposals. After this, he says, he 
saw uie great man no more ; but supposes he now came down 
%(} earth to be born, but the spirit or shadow of the great man 
9till attended him, and ever after continued to appear to him 
io dreams and other ways, until he felt the power of God^s 
word upon his heart ; since which it has entirely left him. 

^^ The spirit, he says, used sometimes to direct him in dreams 
to go to such a place and hunt, assuring him he should there 
meet with success, which accordingly proved so. When he 
had been there some time, the spirit would order him to another 
place. So that he had success in hunting, according to the 
fft^Bi man^s promise made to him at the tilne of his chosing 
thid employment 

*^ There were some times when this spirit came upon him in 
a special manner, and he was full of what he saw in the great 
man. Then, he says, he was all lights and not only light him- 

336 MSMoots ov lAAinsn. 

sel^ but it was liffht all araundr him, ao thathe oooU aee 
through men, and anew the -thoughts of their hearts. Hiese 
depths of SaUm I leave othera to fathom or to diYe into as 
they please, and do not pretend, for my own part, to know 
what ideas to affix to such terms, and cannot well ffuess what 
conceptions of things these creatures have at these tUDSS 
. when thev call themselves dU light. But my interpreter teOs 
me, that ne heard one of them tell a certain Indian the seciet 
thoughts of hi? heart, which he had never divulged. The case 
was this : the Indian was bitten with a snake, and was in ex- 
treme pain with the bite ; whereupon the ifjotner, who was 
appliea to for his recoyerv, told him, that at gmch a time he had 
promised, that, the next deer he killed, h» would sacrifice it to 
some great power^ but had broken his promise. Now, said he; 
that great power has ordered this snake to bite you for year 
neglect The Indian confessed it was so, but sakl he had* 
never told an^ body of it 

^^ These thmffs serve to fix them down in their iddairy^ aol 
to make them believe that there is no safety to be exMNCladt 
but by their continuing to offer such sacrifices^ The inflweniBe 
which these potcHROf have upon them,eith^ through the estean 
or fear they nave of them, is no smaU hindrance to their em- 
bracing Christianity. 

^ ^ To remove this difficulty, I have laboured to show the In- 
dians, that these diviners have no power to recover the sick, 
when the God whom christians serve, has determined them 
for death ; that the supposed great power who influences the 
diviners has himself no power in this case ; and that, if they seem 
to recover any by their magic charms^ they are only such as the 
God I preached to them, had determined should recover, and 
who would have recovered without their conjurations. When 
I have apprehended them afraid of embracing Christianity lest 
they should be enchanted and poisoned, I have endeavoured to 
relieve their minds of this fear, by asking them, Why their po- 
waw8 did not enchant and poison ihe, seeing they had as much 
reason to hate me for preaching to them, and desiring them to 
become christians, as tney could have to hate them in case they 
should actually become such ? That they might have an evi- 
dence of the power and goodness of God engaged for the pro- 
tection of christians, I ventured to bid a challenge to all their 
powaws and great powers to do their worst on me first of all, 
and thus laboured to tread down their influence. 

*^ Many things further might be offered up on this head, hot 
thus much may suffice for a representation of their aversion to, 
and prejudice against Christianity, the springs of it, and th^dif* 
ficulties thence arising. 

II. *^ Another ^reat difficulty which I have met with in my 
attempts to christianize the Indians, has been, to convey didne 


truths to their understandings^ and to gain their assent to them 
as such.'' 

" In the first place, I laboured under a very great disadvan- 
tage for want of an Interpreter, who had a good degree of rfoc- 
trincd as well as experimental knowledge of divine things : in 
both which respects my present Interpreter was very detective 
when I first employed him, as noted in the account I before 
gave of him. And it was sometimes extremely discouraging to 
me, when I could not make him understand what I designed to 
communicate ; when truths of the last importance appeared 
foolishness to him for want of a spiritual understanding and 
relish of them ; and when he addressed the Indians in a lifeless, 
indifferent manner, without any heart-engagement or fervency ; 
and especially when he appeared heartless and irresolute 
about making attempts for the conversion of the Indians to 
Christianity, as he frequently did. For although he had a de- 
sire that they should conform to Christian manners, as 1 else- 
where observed ; yet, being abundantly acquainted with their 
strong attachment to their own superstitious notions, and the 
diflSculty of bringing them off, and having no sense of divine 
power and grace, nor dependence upon an Almighty arm for 
the accomplishment of this work, he used to be discouraged, 
and tell me, * It signifies nothing for us to try, they will never 
turn.' Thus he was a distressing weight and burden to me. 
Here I should have sunk scores of times, but God in a re- 
markable manner supported me ; sometimes by giving me full 
satisfaction that He himself had called me to this work, and 
thence a secret hope that some time or other I might meet 
with success in it ; or if not, that *• my judgment should not- 
withstanding be with the Lord, and my work with my God ;' 
sometimes by giving me a sense of his almighty power, and that 
^ his hand was not shortened ;^ sometimes by affording me a 
fresh and lively view of some remarkable freedom and assist- 
ance with which I had been repeatedly favoured in prayer for 
the ingathering of these heathens some years before, even be- 
fore I was a missionary, and a refreshing sense of the stability 
and faithfulness of the divine promises, and that the prayer of 
faith should not fail. Thus I was supported under these trials, 
and the method God was pleased to take for the removal of 
this difficulty, respecting my Interpreter, I have sufilciently 
represented elsewhere. 

" Another thing which rendered it very difficult to convey di- 
vine truths to the understandings of the Indians, was the defect 
of their lansua^e^ the want of terms to express and convey 
ideas of spiritual things. There are no words in the Indian 
language to answer our English words, ' Lord, Saviour, salva- 
tion, sinner, justice, condemnation, faith, repentance, justifica- 

VoL. X. 43 



tion, adoption, sanctification, grace, glory, heaven,' with scores 
of the like imporlance. 
, " Tlie only methoda I can make use for surmounting this 
difficulty, are, either to describe the things at large designed 
by these terms, as if 1 was speaking of regeneration, to call it 
the ' heart's being changed' by God's Spirit, or the ' heart's 
being made good ;' or to introduce the English terms into their 
language, and fix the precise meaning of them, that they may 
know what I intend whenever I use them. 

" What renders it much more difficult to convey divine truths 
to the understandings of these Indians, is, that ' there scemii to 
ho no foundation in their minds to begin upon ;' I mean, no 
truths which may betaken for granted, as being already knows 
while I am attempting to instil others. As divine truths have 
such a necessary connexion with, and dependence upon each 
other, I find it extremely difhcult in my first addresses to Pa- 
gans, to begin and discourse of them in their proper order and 
connexion, without having reference to truths not yet known, — 
without taking for granted such things as need hrst to be taught 
and proved. There is no point of Christian doctrine but what 
they are either wholly ignorant of, or extremely confused in 
theu- notions about. Therefore it is necessair that they should 
be instructed in every truth, even in those which are the most 
easy and obvious to the understanding, and which a person 
educated nndcr gospel-light would be ready to pass over in si- 
lence, as not imagining that any rational creature could be ig- 
norant of. 

" The method which I have usually taken in my first ad- 
dresses to Pagans, has been to introduce myself by saying, that 
I was come among them with a desire and design of teaching 
them some things which I presumed they did not know, and 
which, I trusted, would be for their comfort and happiness, if 
known, desiring they would give their attention, and hoping 
they might meet with satisfaction in my discourse. Thence I 
have proceeded to observe, that there are two things belonging 
to every man, which I call the sotil and bodi/. These I endea- 
vour to distinguish from each other, by observing to them, that 
there is something in them that is capable of joy and pleasure, 
when their bodies are sick and much pained ; and, on the con- 
trary, that they find something within them, that is fearful, sor- 
rowful, ashamed, &c. and consequently very uneasy, when their 
bodies are in perfect health. 1 then observed to them, that thia 
which rejoices in them, perhaps at the sight of some friend who 
has been so long absent, when their bodies are sick and in 
pain, — this which is sorrowful, frighted, ashamed, &c. and 
consequently uneasy, when their bodies are perfectly at ease, — 
this I call the soul. And although it cannot be seen like the 
other part of the man, viz. the body, yet it is as real as their 


thoughts, desires, &c. which are likewise things that cannot be 

" I then further observe, that this part of the man which 
thinks, rejoices, grieves, &c. will hve after the body is dead. 
For the proof of this, I produce the opinion of their fathers, 
who, as I am told by a very aged Indian now living, always 
supposed that there was something of the man which would 
survive the body. If I can, for the proof of any thing I assert, 
say, as St Paul to the Athenians, ' As certain also of your 
own sages havie said,' it is sufficient. Having established this 
point, I next observe, that what I have to say to them, respects 
the conscious part of the man ; and that with relation to its 
state after the death of the body ; and that I am not come 
to treat with them about the things that concern the present 

" This method I am obliged to take, because they will other- 
wise entirely mistake the design of my preaching, and sup- 
pose that the business I am upon, is something which relates 
to the present world ; having never been called together by 
the white people upon any other occasion, but only to be treat- 
ed with about the sale of lands, or some other secular busi- 
ness. I find it almost impossible to prevent their imagining 
that I am engaged in the same, or such like affairs, and to beat 
it into them, that my concern is to treat with them about their 
invisible part, and that with relation to its future state. 

" But having thus opened the way, by distinguishing between 
soul and body, and showing the immortality of the former, and 
that my business is to treat with them in order to their happi- 
ness in a future state ; I proceed to discourse of the Being and 
Perfections of God, particularly of his ' eternity, unity, self- 
sumciency, infinite wisdom, and almighty power.' It is ne- 
cessary, in the first place, to teach them that God is from ever- 
lasting^ and so distinguished from all creatures ; though it is 
very difficult to communicate any thing of that nature to them, 
they having no terms in their language to signify an eternity a 
parte ante. It is likewise necessary to discourse of the divine 
unity ^ in order to confute the notions they seem to have of a 
plurality of gods. The divine alUsufficiency must also neces- 
sarily be mentioned, in order to prevent their imagining that 
God was unhappy while alone, before the formation of his crea- 
tures. Something respecting the divine wisdom arid power 
seems necessary to be insisted upon, in order to make way for 
discoursing of God's works. 

" Having offered some things upon the divine perfections 
mentioned, I proceed to open dhie work of Creation in general, 
and in particular God's creation of man in a state of uprights 
ness and happiness, placing them in a garden of pleasure ; the 
means and manner of their apostacy from that state, and loss 


of that happiness. Before I can give a relation of their fidi 
from God, I am obliged to make a large digreflrion, m order to 
give an account of ue orifpnal and circomstanees of their fm- 
per^ his capacity of assuming the shrae of a serpent, from hit 
oeing a spirit without a body^dus. Hence I go on to show, dn 
mm of OUT fallen state, the mental blindness and vicious fG»> 
positions which our first parents then contracted to themselviss, 
and propagated to all their posterity ; the numerous calamities 
brmi^t upon them and theirs by tms apostacy from God IfoA 
the ezposedness of the whole human race to eternal peiditicm. 
Hence I labour to show them the necessity of an Ahngkiw fib- 
viour to deliver us firom this deplorable state, as well as of a di- 
vine Recdaiion to instruct us in, and direct us agreeable te the 
wiU of God. 

*^ Thus the way, by such an introductory discourse, is pre* 
pared for opening the gospel scheme of salvation through the 
great Redeemer, and for treating of diose doctrines which im^ 
mediately relate to the soul^ renovation by the divine SpoSt, 
and preparation for a state of everlasting messedneas. 

** in ^ving such a relauon of thin|;s to Pagans, it is note 
little difficult, as observed before, to deliver truths in their pfo- 
per order without interfering, and without takin|[ for mranled 
things not as vet known ; to discourse of them ma fimiliar 
inanner, suited to the capacities of heatheo; to illustrate thm 
by easy and natural similitudes ; to obviate or answer the ob- 
jections which they are disposed to make against the several 
particulars of it ; as well as to take notice of, and confute their 
contrary notions. 

" What has sometimes been very discouraging in my first 
discourses to them, is, that when 1 have distinguished between 
the present and /ti^iire state, and shown them that it was my 
busmess to treat of those things which concern the life to come, 
they have mocked, and looked upon these things of no import- 
ance ; have scarce had a curiosity to hear ; and perhaps walk- 
ed off before I had half done my discoui^e. In such a case, no 
impressions can be made upon their miiids to gain their atten- 
tion. They are not awed by hearing of the anger of God en- 
gaged against sinners, or of everlasting punishment as the por- 
tion of gospel-neglecters. They are not allured by hearing of 
the blessedness of those who embrace and obey the gospel. 
So that to gain their attention to my discourses, has often been 
as difficult as to give them a just notion of the design of them, 
or to open truths in their proper order. 

** Another difficulty, naturally falling under the head I am 
now upon, is, that ^ it is next to impossible to bring them to a 
rational conviction that they are sinners by nature, and that 
tiieir hearts are corrupt anci sinful,^ unless one could charge 
them with some gross acts of immorality, such as the light of 


fMhire condemns. If they can be charged with behaviour con- 
trary to the commands of the second table^ — with manifest 
abuses of their neighbour, they will generally own such actions 
to be wrong ; but then they seem as if they thought only the 
actions were sinful, and not their hearts. 6ut if they cannot 
be charged with suj:h scandalous actions, they seem to have 
no consciousness of sin and guilt at all, as I had occasion to 
observe in my Diary, March 24. So that it is very difficult to 
convince them rationally of that which is readily acknowledged, 
thoush, alas ! rarely felt, in the Christian world, viz. ' That we 
are all sinners.^ 

" The method which I take to convince them that * we are 
sinners by nature,^ is, to lead them to an observation of their 
little children^ how they will appear in a rage, fight and strike 
their mothers, before they are able to speak or walk, while they 
are so young that it is plain they are incapable of learning such 
practices. As the light of nature in the Indians condemns such 
Dehaviour in children towards their parents, they must own 
these tempers and actions to be wrong and sinful. As the 
children have never learned these things, they must have been 
in their natures ; and consequently they must be allowed to be 
**by nature the children of wrath." The same I observe to 
them with respect to the sin of lying, to which their children 
seem much inclined. They tell lies without being taught so 
to do, from their own natural inclination, as well as against 
restraints, and after corrections for that vice, which proves them 
sinners by nature. 

" Furtner ; in order to show them that th^ir hearts are all 
corrupted and sinful, I observe to them, that this may be the 
case, and they not be sensible of it through the blindness of 
their minds ; and that it is no evidence that they are not sinful, 
because they do not know and feel it. 1 then mention all the 
vices I know the Indians to be guilty of, and so make use of 
these sinful streams to convince them that the fountain is cor- 
rupt. Thii^ is the end for which I mention their wicked prac- 
i ices to them ; not because I expect to b;'ing them to an effeC" 
tual reformation merely by inveighing against their immorali* 
ties ; but hoping that they may hereby be convinced of the 
corruption of their hearts, and awakened to a sense of the de- 
pravity and misery of their fallen state. 

" For the same purpose, viz. \ to convince them that they 
are sinners,' I sometimes open to them the great command 
of * loving God with all the heart, strength, and mind ;' show 
them the reasonableness of loving Him who has made, pre- 
served, and dealt bountifully with us ; and then labour to show 
them that they have utterly neglected this duty, and that they 
have been so far from loving God in this manner, that, on the 
contrary, he has not been ^ in all their thoughts.^ 


^ Sdch are the means which I have mlEide use of to remofe 
this difficulty ; but if it be asked after all, ^ How tt was sur- 
mounted ?^ 1 must answer, God himself was pleased to do k 
with regard ta a. number of these Indians, by taking his woA • 
into his own hand, and making them feel at heart, that they 
were both sinful and miserable. In the day of God^s poirait 
whatever was spoken to them from God^s word, served to cn^ 
vince them that they were sinners ; even the most meltn^ in- * 
vitations of the ffospel ; and to fill them with solicitude to obtaii 
a deliverance from that deplorable state. 

*^ Further ; it is extremely difficult to ffive them any just nOr 
tion of the undertaking of Christ in behalf of sinners ; dim 
obeying and suffering in their room and stead, in order to atenft 
for their sins, and procure their salvation ; and of their bdqg 
justified by his righteousness imputed to them. — ^They are in gs» 
neral wholly unacquainted wiuicioUlaws and {Nroceedingv^wi 
know of no such thing as one person being substituted as M' 
surety in the room of another, nor have any kind of notion of efajl 
judicatures, of persons being arraigned, tried, judged, coodemaH 
ed, or acquitted. Hence it is very difficult to treat withthw 
upon any thing of this nature, or that bean any relation to l^gtft 
procedures. Although they cannot but have som^ dealiip 
with the white people, in order to procure clothing and otnit 
necessaries of life, yet it is scarce ever known that any one pa|i 
a jp^ftnjr for another, but each one stands for himsel£ • Y^t. tb> 
is a thing which may be supposed, though seldom practised 
among them, and they may be made to understand, that if a 
friend of theirs pay a debt for them, it is right that upon that 
consideration they themselves should be discharged. 

^^ This is the only way I can take in order to give them a 

E roper notion of the undertaking and satisfaction of Christ in 
ehalf of sinners. But here naturally arise two questions. 
Firsts *' What need there was of Christ^s obeying and sufiering 
for us ; why God would not look upon us to be good creatures^ 
to use my common phrase for justification, on account of our 
own good deeds V In answer to which I sometimes observe, 
that a child being never so orderly and obedient to its parents 
to-day, does by no means satisfy for its contrary behaviour yester- 
day ; and that if it be loving and obedient at some times only, 
and at other times cross and disobedient, it never can be look- 
ed upon a good child for its own doings, since it ought to have 
behaved in an obedient manner always. This simile strikes 
their minds in an easy and forcible manner, and serves, in a 
measure, to illustrate the point. For the light of nature, as be- 
fore hinted, teaches them, that their children ought to be obe- 
dient to them, and that at all times ; and some of them are 
very severe with them for the contrary behaviour. This I ap- 
ply in the plainest manner to our behaviour towards God ; and 


SO show them, that it is impossible for us, since we have sin- 
ned against God, to be justified before him by our own doings, 
since present and future goodness, although perfect and coti" 
slants could never satisfy for past misconduct. 

" A second question is, ' If our debt was so great, and if we 
all deserved to suffer, how one person's suffering was sufficient 
to answer for the whole V Here 1 have no better way to illus- 
trate the infinite value of Christ's obedience and sufferings, 
arising from the dignity and excellency of his person^ than to 
show them the superior value of gold to that of baser metals, 
and that a small quantity of this will discharge a greater debt, 
than a vast quantity of the common copper pence. After all, it is 
extremely difficult to treat with them upon this great doctrine of 
* justification by imputed righteousness/ I scarce know how 
to conclude this head, so many things occurring which might 
properly be added here; but what has been mentioned, may 
iterve for a specimen of the difficulty of conveying divine truths 
to the understandings of these Indians, and oi gaming their as- 
sent to them as such. 

III. ** Their intonvenient situations^ savage manners^ and UU" 
happy method of livings have been an unspeakable difficulty 
and discouragement to me in my work. — They generally live 
in the wilderness, and some whom I have visited, at great dis- 
tances firom the English settlements. This has obliged me to 
travel much, oftentimes over hideous rocks, mountains, and 
swamps, and fi'equently to lie out in the open woods ; which 
deprived me of the common comforts of life, and greatly im- 
paired my health. 

" When I have got among them in the wilderness, I have 
often met with great difficulty in my attempts to discourse to 
th^m. — I have sometimes spent hours with them in attempting 
to answer their objections, and remove their jealousies, before 
I could prevail upon them to give me a hearing upon Chris- 
tiaoitv. I have been often obliged to preach in their houses 
in coid and windy weather, when they have been full of smoke 
and cinders, as well as unspeakably filthy ; which has many 
times thrown me into violent sick head-achs. 

** While I have been preaching, their children have frequent- 
ly cried to such a degree, that I could scarcely be heard, and 
meir Pagan mothers would take no manner of care to nuiet 
theoL At the same time, perhaps, some have been laughing 
and mocking at divine truths ; others playing with their dogs, 
wfaittleing sticks, and the like ; and this, in many of them, not 
from spite and prejudice, but for want of better manners. 

^ A view of these things has been not a little sinking and dis- 
couraging to me. It has sometimes so far prevailed upon mc 
as to render me entirely dispirited, and wholly unable to go on 
with my work ; and given me such a melancholy turn of mind. 

3M MUOiBS or •KAiKiap. 

that I have mtnjr times thought I could never more ftddnatn 
Indian apon religioui matten. 

" The Bolitaiy manner in which I have generally beea 
obliged to live, on account of their inconvenient utoatUKit In 
been not a little preasins. I have spent the sreater part of , 
my time, for more than uiree years past, entirdy alone, as to 
any agreeable society ; and a very considerable part, of it m 
bouses by myself, without having the company.Of aiwtuuDaa 
creature. Sometimes I have scarcely seen an EngUMman Jbr 
a month or six weeks together ; and have had my sphita so 
depressed with melancholy views of the tempers wid conduct 
of Pagans, when t have been for sometime c<aifined witfi Ihsm, 
that I nave felt as if banidbed from all the peofde of God. 

" I have likewise been wholly alone in my wotk, then bdng 
no other mitntmary among the Indians in eiUier of thoejMO- 
vinces. Other mmuf «r», nether knowing the pectdiar difficid- 
ties nor most adoantageout methods (^ peifiinning my wotk! ' 
have been ^le to afford me little assistance or support in anf - 
respect — A feeling of the great disadvantages of being alone 
in mis work, has discovered to me the wisdom and goodness of 
the great Head of the church, in sending forth his disciples two ' 
aid two, in order to proclum the sacred mysteries of nig king- 
dom ; and has made me long for a colleague to be a partner of 
my cares, hopes, and fears, as well as Iwonrs among the In- 
dians; and excited me to use some means in order to procure 
■nch an assistant, although I have not as yet been so happy as 
to meet with success in that respect. 

" I have not only met with great difficulty in traveOiDg to, 
and for some time residing among, the Indians far remote in 
the wilderness, but also in living with them, in one place and 
another, more statedly. I have been obliged to remove my re- 
sidence from place to place ; having procured, and afler some 
poor fashion, furnished three houses for living among tbenii in 
the space of about three years past. One at Kaunatimed, 
about twenty miles distant &om the city of Albany; one at 
the Forks of Delaware, in Pennsylvania, and one at Cro$t- 
wpehsung, in New-Jersey. The Indians in the latter of these 

Provinces, with whom I have latterly spent most of my time, 
eing not long since removed from the place where they lived 
last winter ; (the reason of which I mentioned in my Diar;, 
March 24, and May 4 ;) have now no house at all of my own, 
but am obliged to lodge with an English family at a confdd& 
rable distance from them, to tlie great disadvantage of my 
work among them ; they being like children that continually 
need advice and direction, as well as ini^tement to their nc^ld? 
business. — The houses in which I have formerly lived are tX 
great distances from each other ; the two nearest of them being 


more than seventy miles apart, and neither of them within fif- 
teen miles of the place where the Indians now live. 

" The Indians are a very poor and indigent people, and so 
destitute of the comforts of life, at some seasons of the year es- 
pecially, that it is impossible for a person who has any pity on 
them, and concern for the christian interest, to live among 
them without considerable expense, especially in time of sick- 
ness. If any thing be bestowed on one, as in some cases it is 
peculiarly necessary, in order to remove their Pagan jealousies, 
and engage their friendship to Christianity, others, be there 
never so many of them, expect the same treatment. While 
thejr retain their Pagan tempers, they discover little gratitude, 
amid all the kindnesses which they receive. If they make any 
presents, they expect double satisfaction. Christianity itself 
does not at once cure them of these ungrateful tempers. 

" They are in general unspeakably indolent and slothful. — 
They have been bred up in idleness, and know little about cul- 
tivating land, or indeed about engaging vigorously in any other 
business. I am obliged to instruct them m, as well as press 
them to, the performance of their work, and take the oversight 
of all their secular business. They have little or no ambition 
or resolution. . Not one in a thousand of them has the spirit 
of a man. It is next to impossible to make them sensible of 
the duty and importance of being active, diligent, and industri- 
ous in the management of their worldly business ; and to ex- 
cite in them any spirit and promptitude of that nature. When 
I have laboured, to the utmost of my ability, to show them of 
what importance it would be to the christian interest among 
them, as well as to their worldly comfort, for them to be labo- 
rious and prudent in their business, and to furnish themselves 
with the comforts of life ; how this would incline the Pasans to 
come among them, and so put them under the means of salva- 
tion ; — ^how it would encourage religious persons of the white 
people to help them, as well as to stop the mouths of others, 
who are disposed to cavil against them, and how they miffht 
by this means pay others their just dues, and so prevent trouble 
from coming among themselves, and reproach upon their chris- 
tian profession; — they have indeed assented to all 1 said, 
but been little moved^ and consequently have acted like them- 
selves, or at least too much so. Though it must be acknow- 
ledged, that those who appear to have a sense of divine things, 
are considerably amended in this respect, and it is to be hoped, 
that time will make a yet greater alteration upon them for the 

" The concern I have had for the settling of these Indians in 
New Jersey, in a compact form, in order to their being a chris- 
tian congregation, in a capacity of enjoying the means of 
grace ; the care of managing their worldly business in order to 

Vol. X. 44 


346 M£MOiRS or brainsrd. 

this.end^ and to their having a comfortable livelihood ; have 
been more pressing to my mind, and cost me more labour and 
fatigue, for several months past, than all my other work among 

^^ Their ^ wandering to and fro in order to procure the ne- 
cessaries of life,* is another difficulty which attends my woriL 
This has often deprived me of opportunities to disconme to 
them. It has thrown them in the way c^ temptation ; eifher 
amonff Pagans further remote where they have gone to hmt, 
who have laughed at them for hearkening to CSuistiamty ; or, 
among white people, more horribly wicked, who have often 
made them drunk ; then got their commodities — such as sUni, 
baskets, Inrooms, shovels, and the like, with which Uiey de- 
signed to have bought com, and other necessanes of life, fa 
themselves and families, — for, it may be, nothingbirt a lilde 
strong liquor ; and then sent them home empty. Tor the la- 
bour, perhaps, of several weeks, they have thus got notfauog 
but the satisfaction of bein|; drunk once ; and have hot oid^ 
lost their labour, but, which is infinitely worse, the ini|iranobB 
of some divine subjects that were made upon their noiikb be^ 
fae. — ^But I forbear enlarging upon this head. The few lunts 
I have given maybe sufficient to give thinking. penoEm soane 
apprehensions of the difficulties attending mywcm, on acoount 
• of the inconvenient situations and sancLge mannim of the In- 
dians, as well as of their unhappy mode ofUoing* 

IV. *^ The last difficulty I shall mention, as having att^iided 
my work, is, ^ what has proceeded from the attempts which 
some illrminded persons have designedly made^ to hinder the 
propagation of the gospel, and a work of divine grace among 
the Indians.^ — The Indians are not only of themselves preju- 
diced against Christians, on the various accounts which 1 have 
already mentioned ; but, as if this were not enough, there are 
some m all parts of the country where I have preached to 
them, who have taken pains industriously to bind them down 
in pagan darkness ; ^ neglecting to enter into the kingdom of 
God themselves, and labouring to hinder others/ 

^^ After the beginning of the religious attention amon^ the 
Indians in New-Jersey, some endeavoured to prejudice mem 
against me and the truths I taught them, b]^ the most bi^e, un- 
manly, and false suggestions of things which had no founda- 
tion but in their own brains. Some particulars of this kind I 
formerly took notice of in one of the remarks made upon my 
Diary, concluded the 20th of November last ; and might have 
added more, and of another nature, had not delicacy forbid- 
den me to mention what was too obscene. But, through the 
mercy of God, they were never able, by all their abonunable 
insinuations, flouting jeers, and downright lies, to create in the 
Indians those jealousies with which they desired to posses them ; 


and so were never suffered to hinder the work of grace among 
them. — When they saw that they could not prejudice the In- 
dians against me, nor hinder them from receiving the gospel^ 
they then noised it through the country, ' that I was undoubt- 
edly a Roman catholic ; that I was gathering together, and 
traming up the Indians in order to serve a Popish interest ; 

. aod that I should quickly head them, and cut peopie^s throats/ 

" What they pretended gave them reason for this opinion, 

was, that they understood I had a commission from Scotland. 

Whereupon they could with great assurance say, * All Scotland 

19 turned to the Pretender ; and this is but a Popish plot to 

. make a party for him here.^ Some, I am informed, actually 
went to the civil authority with complaints a^^ainst me ; but 

: cinly laboured under this unhappiness, that when they came, 
they had nothing to complain of, and could give no colour of 

. .fctason why they attempted any such thing, or desired the civil 
;_- authority to take cognizance of me, having not a word to al- 

/ l^ge against my preaching or practice^ only they surmised that 

^ because the Indians appeared so very loving and orderly^ they 
had a design of imposing upon people by that means, and so of 

' getting a better advantage to cut their throats. With what 

"ifimper they would have had the Indians appear, in order to have 

r'ven no occasion^ nor have left any room for such a suspicion, 
cannot tell. I presume if they had appeared with the con- 
.Hl»wry temper, it would quickly have been observed of them, 
that ' they were now grown surly,' and in all probability were 
_^ preparing to 'cut people's throats.' — From a view of these 
, things, I have had occasion to admire the wisdom and goodness 
. . of God in providing so full and authentic a commission for the 
'. undertaking and carrying on of this work, without which, not- 
' withstanding the charitableness of the design, it had probably 

met with molestation. 

.:.. "The Indians, who have been my hearers in New-Jersey^ 

'. -have likewise been sued for debt, and threatened with imprisoii- 

ment more since 1 came among them, as they inform me, than 

io seven years before. The reason of this, I suppose, was, they 

. left frequenting those tippling houses where they used to con- 

smne most of what they gained by hunting and other means. 

.; These persons, seeing that the hope of future gain was lost, 

were resolved to make sure of what they could. Perhaps some 

. of them put the Indians to trouble, purely out of spite at their 

.' embracing Christianity. 

-. " This conduct of theirs has been very distressing to me ; for 
. I was sensible, that if they did imprison any one that embraced, 
or hearkened to Christianity, the news of it would quickly 
(spread among the Pagans, hundreds of miles distant, who 
would immediately conclude that I had involved them in thi§ 
difficulty, and thence be filled with prejudice against Christianf- 



tv, and strengthened in their jealousy, that the whole of my 
design among, them, was to ensnare and enslave them. I 
knew that some or the Indians upon Susquehannah had made 
this objection against hearing me preach, m. That they under- 
stood that a number of Inaians in Maryland, some hundreds 
of miles distant, who had been uncommonly free with the 
English, were after a while put in jail, and sold. Whereupon 
they concluded, it was best for them to keep at a distance, and 
have nothing to do with Christians. The method I took in 
order to remove this difficulty, was, to press the Indians with all 
posrible speed to pay their aebu , and to exhort those of them 
that had 9lm» or money ^ and were themselves in good measure 
fiee of debt, to help oUiers that were oppressed. Frequently 
upon such occasions I have jmid money out of my own pock^ 
wnich I have not as yet received again. 

*^ These are some of the difficulties which I have met with from 
the conduct of lAo«e who, notwithstanding their acticms so mixh 
tend to hinder the propagation of Christianity, would, I suppose 
be loth to be reputed Pagans. Thus I have endeavoured to nsh 
sweV tiie demands of the Hon. Society in relation to eocft of the 
particulars mentioned in their leiier. — If ykhsX I have writleD 
may be in any measure agreeable and satis&ctory to them, and 
serve to excite in them, or any of God^s people, a spirit ofjprajr* 
er and supplication for the furtherance ofa work of grace among 
the Indians Aere, and the propagating of it to their distant tribes 
I shsJl have abundant reason to rejoice, and bless God in this 
as well as in other respects/^ 


" June 20, 1746. 

P. S. " Since the conclusion of the preceding Journal — 
which was designed to represent the operations of one year only, 
from the first time of my preaching to the Indians in New- Jersey 
— I administered the sacrament of the hordes Supper^ a secona 
time in my congregation, viz. on the 13th of July. At this 
time there were more than thirty communicants of the Indians, 
although divers were absent who should have communicated ; 
so considerably has God enlarged our number since the former 
solemnity of this kind, described somewhat particularly in my 
Diary. This appeared to be a season of divine power and 
grace, not unlike the former ; a season of refreshing to God's 
people in general, and of awakening to some others ; althou^ 
the divine influence manifestly attending the several services of 
the solemnity, seemed not so great and powerful as at the 
former season. 



Attestations of Divine Grace displayed among the Indians, 


^^ Since my dear and Rev. brother Brainerd, has at length con- 
sented to the publication of his Journal, I gladly embrace this 
opportunity of testifying, that our altogether glorious Lord and 
Saviour, Jesus Christ, has given such sl display of his Almighty 

Eower and sovereign grace, not only in the external reformation 
ut, [in a judgment of charity,] the saving conversion of a con- 
siderable number of Indians, mat it is really wonderful to all 
beholders I though some, alas ! notwithstanding sufficient 
grounds of conviction to the contrary, do Join with the devil, 
that avowed enemy of God and man, m endeavouring to 
prevent this glorious work, by such ways and means as are men- 
tioned in the aforesaid Journal, to which I must refer the reader 
for a faithful, though very brief, account of the time when, the 
place where, the means by which, and manner how, this wish- 
ed for work has been begun and carried on, by the great Head 
of the Church. This 1 can the more confidently do, not only be- 
cause I am intimately acquainted with the author, but on ac- 
count of my own personal knowledge of the matters of fact re- 
corded in it respecting the work itself. As I live not far from 
the Indians, I have been much conversant with them, both at 
their own place, and in my own parish, where they generally 
convene for public worship in Mr. Brainerd's absei\ce ; and 
I think it my duty to acknowledge, that their conversation, 
hath often, under God, refreshed my soul, 

" To conclude, it is my opinion, that the change wrought in 
those savages^ namely, from the darkness of Paganism, to the 
knowledge of the pure gospel of Christ ; from sacrificing to de- 
vils, to ' present themselves, body and soul, a living sacrifice to 
God,' and that not only from the persuasion of their minister^ 
but from a clear heart-affecting sense of its being their reasona- 
ble service ; this change I say is so great, that none could ef- 
fect it but He ' who worketh all things after the good pleasure 
of his own will.' I would humbly hope that this is only the 
first fi'uits of a much greater harvest to be brought in from among 
the Indians, by HIM, who has promised to give his Son ' the 
Heathen for his inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth 
for his possession :' — who hath also declared, ' That the whole 
earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the Lord, as the 
waters cover the sea.' Even so. Lord Jesus, come quickly. 
Amen and Amen. 

" I am, courteous reader, 

" thy soul's well wisher, 

Freehold, August 16, 1746. " WILLIAM TENNENT.'* 

" — 

350 ' M4«OUl8 er BEAIVC&D* 


*^ As iftmuAt needs afford a sacred pleasure to such ascoidialljr 
desii'e the prosperity and advancement of the Redeemer's Idng- 
dom and interest in the world, to hear, that our mercifiil and 
gracious God is in very deed fulfilling such preciona promiseB 
as relate to die poor Heathen, bj sending h» everlastiiiff ms- 
pel among them, which, with concurrence of his hoIySpnity if 
removing mat worse than Egyptian darkness, wfaerebjr toe god 
of lliis world has long held them in willing subjection ; so tfaii 
narrative will perhaos be more acceptable to the w<M*ld, wbem 
it is confirmed by tne testimony of such as vrere either m- 
witnesses of this glorious dawn of gospel-li|^t among the ne- 
nighted Pagans, or personally acquainted vnth those of them, 
in whom, in a judgment of charity, a gracious change has been 
wrought Therefore, I the more willingly join with my brethren 
Mr. William Tennent, and Mr. Brainerd, inaflixmg mv at- 
testation to the fbresoing narrative ; and look upon myself as 
concerned in point of duty^both to God and his people, to do 
so, because I live contiguous to their settlement, Btad have had 
frequent opportunities of being present at their religiooa meet- 
ings ; where I have with pleasmg wonder, bieheld what* I am 
strongly inclined to believe were the effects of God*s Ahni|di- 
ty power accompanying his own truths ; more aspecicJ^^on ue 
^th day of August, 1745. While the word of God was macb- 
ed by Mr. Brainerd, there appeared an uncommon solenmity 
among the Indians in general ; but, I am wholly unable to give 
a full representation of the surprising effects of God^s Almighty 
power which appeared among them when public service was 
over. While Mr. Brainerd urged upon some of them the ab- 
solute necessity of a speedy closure with Christ, the holy Spirit 
seemed to be poured out upon them in a* plenteous measure, 
insomuch as the Indians present in the wigwam seemed to be 
brought to the jailor^s case, Acts xvi. 30, utterly unable to con- 
ceal the distress and perplexity of their souls. This prompted 
the pious among them to bring the dispersed congregation to- 
gether, who soon seemed to be in the greatest extremity. Some 
were earnestly begging for mercy, under a solemn sense of their 
perishing condition ; while others were unable to arise from the 
earth, to the great wonder of those white people that were pre- 
sent, one of whom is by this means, I trust, savingly brought to 
Christ since. Nay, so very extraordinary was the concern which 
appeared among these poor Indians in general, that I am ready 
to conclude, it might have been sufficient to have convinced an 
Atheist, that the Lord was indeed in the place. I am for my 
part, fully persuaed that this glorious work is true and genuine, 
while with satisfaction I behold several of these Indians disco- 
vering all the symptoms ofimvard holiness in their lives and con* 



versation. 1 had the satisfaction of joining with them in their 
service on the 11th of August, 1746 : which was a day set apart 
for imploring the divine blessing on the labours of their minis- 
ter among other tribes of Indians on the Susquehannah : in all 
which they conducted themselves with a very decent and be- 
coming gravity ; and as far as I am capable of judging, they 
may be proposed as examples of piety and godliness, to all the 
white people around them, which indeed is justly, * marvellous 
in our eyes,' especially considering what they lately had been. 
Oh may the glorious God shortly bring about that desirable 
time, when our exalted Immanuel shall have the Heathen given 
for his inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for his 
possession !'' 


^^Crosswicks^t August 20, 1746. 


" We whose names are underwritten, being elders and dea- 
cons of the Presbyterian Church in Freehold, do hereby testify, 
that in our humble opinion, God, even our Saviour, has brought 
a considerable number of the Indians in these parts to a saving 
union with himself. Of this we are persuaded from a personal 
acquaintance with them ; whom we not only hear speak of the 
great doctrines of the gospel with humility, affection, and un- 
derstandings but we see walk, as far as man can judge, soberly, 
righteously, and godly. We have joined with them at the 
Lord's supper, and do from our hearts esteem them as our bre- 
thren in Jesus. For these who were not God's people^ may 
now be called the children of the living God ; it is the Lord^s 
doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes.'' Oh that he may go 
on *' conquering and to conquer,' until he has subdued all 
things to himself ! This is and shall be the unfeigned desire 
and prayer of, 


" Walter Ker, \ " William Ker, \ 

" Robert Cummins, Ik- " Samuel Ker, I tl 

" David Rhe, ( g " Samuel Craig, f § 

" John Henderson, [ ^ i § 

*' John Anderson, ] ^ \ ^ 

"Joseph Ker, / / 

Presbyterian Churchy Freehold^ Aug. 16, 1746. 


Frcm the close of his Journal^ June 19, 1746, to the tenmnaiioH 
of his Missionary Labours^ March 30, 1747* 

Thb hardships which Brainerd had endured, had now obvH 
ously affected his constitution ; and unfitted him for ai life of so 
much toil and exposure. Of this, he appears not to have been 
aware, until the case had become hopeless ; and nnfortanatdy, 
the circumstances, in which he was placed, were calculated 
instead of retarding, td hasten the ravages of disease. He lived 
alone, in the midst of a wilderness ; in a miserable hut, buih 
bj Indians ; with few of the necessaries, and none of die com- 
forts of life ; at a distance from civilized society ; without even 
a nurse or a physician. ' His labours, also, were sufficient to 
have impaired a vigorous constitution. It is not surprising, 
therefore, that his health was gradually, but fiitally under- 

On Friday^ June 20th, as well as on the next day^ lie was 
very ill ; though, vrith great effort, he was enabled to preach to 
his people on Saturday. His illness continued on the SdthaA^ 
but he preached, notwithstanding, to his people both parts of 
the day ; and after the public worship was ended, he endea'* 
voured to apply divine truths to the consciences of some, and 
addressed them personally for that end ; several were in tears, 
and some appeared much affected. But he was extremely 
wearied with the services of the day, and so ill at night, that 
he could have no bodily rest ; but remarks, that ' God was his 
support, and that he was not left destitute of comfort in him.^ 
On Monday^ he continued very ill ; but speaks of his mind 
being calm and composed, resigned to the divine dispensations, 
and content with his feeble state. By the account which he 
gives of himself, the remaining part of this week, he continued- 
very feeble, and for the most part dejected in mind. He en- 
joyed no great freedom nor sweetness in spiritual things ; ex- 
cept that for some very short spaces of time he had refresh- 
ment and encouragement, which engaged his heart on divine 
things; and sometimes his heart was melted with spiritual 

Lord'^8 day^ June 29. " Preached both parts of the day, 
from John xiv. 19. ' Yet a little while, and the world seeth me 
no more,' &c. God was pleased to assist me, to afford me 
both freedom and power, especially towards the close of my 


discourse, both forenoon and afternoon. God^s power appear- 
ed in the assembly, in both exercises. Numbers of God's peo- 
ple were refreshed and melted with divine things ; one or two 
comforted, who had been long under distress ; convictions, in 
divers instances, powerfully revived ; and one man in years 
much awakened, who had not long frequented our meeting, 
and appeared before as stupid as a stock. God amazingly re- 
newed and lengthened out my strength. I was so spent at 
noon, that I could scarce walk, and all my joints trembled ; so 
that I could not sit, nor so much as hold my hand still : and 
yet God strengthened me to preach with power in the after- 
noon ; although I had given out word to my people, that I did 
not expect to be able to do it. Spent some time afterwards in 
conversing, particularly, with several persons, about their spi- 
ritual state ; and had some satisfaction concerning one or two. 
Prayed afterwards with a sick child, and gave a word of ex- 
hortation. Was assisted in all my work. Blessed be God, 
Returned home with more health, than I went out with ; al- 
though my linen was wringing wet upon me, from a little fiifter 
ten in the morning, till past nve in the afternoon. My spirits 
also were considerably refreshed ; and my soul rejoiced in 
hope, that I had through grace done something for God. In 
the evening, walked out, and enjoyed a sweet season in secret 
prayer and praise. But oh, 1 found the truth of the Psalmist's 
words, * My goodness extendeth not to thee !' I could not 
make any returns to God ; I longed to live only to him, and to 
be in tune for his praise and service for ever. Oh, for spirituali- 
ty and holy fervency, that I might spend and be spent for God to 
ray latest moment ! 

June 30. " Spent the day in writing ; but under much 
weakness and disorder. Felt the labours of the preceding day ; 
although my spirits were so refreshed the evening before, that 1 
was not then sensible of my being spent. 

July h " In the afternoon, visited, and preached to my 
people, from Heb. ix. 27. And as it is appointed unto men 
once to die, &c. on occasion of some person's lying at the 
point of death, in my congregation. God gave me some as- 
sistance ; and his word made some impressions on the audi- 
ence, in general. This was an agreeable and comfortable 
evening to my soul : my spirits were somewhat refreshed, with 
a small degree of freedom and help enjoyed in my work." 

On Wednesday he went to Newark, to a meeting of the 
Presbytery ; complains of lowness of spirits ; and greatly la- 
ments his spending his time so unfruitfuUv. The remaining 
part of the week he spent there, and at Elizabethtown ; and 
speaks of comfort and divine assistance, from day to day ; but 
yet greatly complains for want of more spirituahtv. 

Vol. X. 45 


hordes daf/y July 6. " [At Elizabethtown.] Enjoyed gome 
composure and serenity of mind, in the morning : heard Mr. 
Dickinson preach, in the forenoon, and was refreshed with his 
discourse ; was in a melting frame, some part of the time of 
sermon : partook of the Lord^s supper, and enjoyed some sense, 
of divine things in that ordinance. In the afternoon I preach- 
ed from Ezek. xxxiii. 11. ^ As 1 live, saith the Lord God,^ 
&c. God favoured me with freedom and fervency, and helped 
me to plead his cause, beyond my own power. 

July 7. ^' My spirits were considerably refreshed and rais- 
ed, in the morning. There is no comfort, I find, in any en- 
joyment, without enjoying God, and bemg engaged in his ser- 
vice. In the evening, had the most agreeable conversation 
which I remember in all my life, upon God^s being all in dU^ 
and all enjoyments being just that to us which God makes them, 
and no more. It is ^ooa to begin and end with God. O how 
does a sweet solemnity lay a foundation, for true pleasure and 
happiness \ 

July 8. " Rode home, and enjoyed some agreeable medita- 
tions by the way. 

July 9. " Spent the day in writing, enjoyed some comfort 
and refreshment of spirit in my evening retirement. 

July 10. " Spent most of the day in writing. Toward's 
night rode to Mr. Tennent's ; enjoyed some agreeable conver- 
sation : went home in the evening, in a solemn, sweet frame of 
mind; was refreshed in secret duties, longed to live wholly and 
only for God, and saw plainly, there was nothing in the world 
Avorthy of my afTection ; so that my heart was dead to all be- 
low ; yet not through dejection, as at some times, but from 
views of a better inheritance. 

Jidy 11. " Was in a calm, composed frame, in the morning, 
especially in the season of my secret retirement. I think, that 
I was veil pleased with the will of God, whatever it was, or 
should be, in all respects of which I had then any thought. In- 
tending to administer the Lord's supper the next Lord's day, I 
looked to God for his presence and assistance upon that occa- 
sion ; but felt a disposition to say, ' The will of the Lord be 
done,' whether it be to give me assistance, or not. Spent some 
little time in writing ; visited the Indians, and spent some time 
in serious conversation with them : thinking it not best to 
preach, many of them being absent. 

July 12. " This day was spent in fasting and prayer by my 
congregation, as preparatory to the sacrament. I discoursed, 
both parts of the day, from Rom. iv. 25. ' Who was delivered 
for our offences,' &c. God gave me some assistance in roy 
discourses, and something of divine power attended the word ; 
so that this was an agreeable season. Afterwards led them to 
a solemn renewal of their covenant, and fresh dedication of 


themselves to God. This was a season both of solemnity and 
sweetness, and God seemed to be ' in the midst of us.' Re* 
turned to my lodgings, in the evening, in a comfortable frame 

Lord^s day^ July 13. " In the forenoon, discoursed on the 
bread oflife^ from John vi. 35. God gave me some assistance, 
in part of my discourse especially ; and there appeared some 
tender affection in the assembly under divine truths ; my soul 
also was somewhat refreshed. Administered the sacrament of 
the Lord's supper to thirty-one persons of the Indians. God 
seemed to be present in this ordinance ; the communicants 
were sweetly melted and refreshed, most of them. O how they 
melted, even when the elements were first uncovered ! There 
was scarcely a dry eye among them, when I took off the linen, 
and showed them the symbols of Christ's broken body. — Ha- 
ving rested a little, after the administration of the sacrament, I 
visited the communicants, and found them generally in a sweet 
loving frame ; not unlike what appeared among them on the 
former sacramental occasion, on April 27. In the afternoon, 
discoursed upon coming to Christy and the satisfaction of those 
who do so, from the same verse I insisted on m the forenoon. 
This was likewise an agreeable season, a season of much ten- 
derness, affection, and enlargement in divine service ; and God, 
I am persuaded, crowned our assembly with his divine presence. 
I returned home much spent, yet rejoicing in the goodness of 

July 14. " Went to my people, and discoursed to them from 
Psal. cxix. 106. ' I have sworn, and I will perform it,' &c. 
Observed, L That all God!^^ judgments or commandments are 
righteous. 2. That God's people have sworn to keep them; 
and this they do especially at the Lord's table. There appear- 
ed to be a powerful divine influence on the assembly, and con- 
siderable melting under the word. Afterwards, I lead them to 
a renewal of their covenant before God, that they would watch 
over themselves and one another, lest they should fall into sin 
and dishonour the name of Christ, just as I did on Monday, 
April 28. This transaction was attended with great solemni- 
ty : and God seemed to own it by exciting in them a fear and 
jealousy of themselves, lest they should sin against God ; so that 
the presence of God seemed to be amongst us in this conclu- 
sion of the sacramental solemnity." 

The neoct day^ he set out on a journey towards Philadelphia ; 
from whence he did not return till Saturday. He went thi^ 
journey, and spent the week, under a great degree of illness of 
body, and dejection of mind. 

Lord^s day^ July 20. " Preached twice to my people from 


John xvii. 24. ^ Father, I will that they also ivhom tfaon ha^ 
given me, be with me, where I am, that they may behold my 
glory, which thou hast ^ven me/ Was helped to discoutae 
with great clearness and plainness in the forenoon. ' In die 
•afternoon, enjoyed some tenderness, and spake with some in- 
fluence. Numbers were in tears ; and some, to appearance, 
in distress. 

July 21. ^^ Preached to the Indians, chiefly fhr the sake of 
some strangers ; proposed my design of taking a joUtoot q>ee- 
dily to the Susquehannah ; exhorted my people to pray unr ine, 
that God would be with me in that journey ; and then tdKwe 
divers persons of the congregation to travel with me. Afte^ 
wards, spent some time in discoursing to the stranflen, and 
was somewhat encouraged with them. Took care of my peo- 
ple's secular business, and was not a little ezefciaed intn it 
Had some degree of composure and comfort in secret retire 

July2i. ^^ Was in a dejected frame, most of the day ; want- 
ed to wear out life, and have it at an end ; but had some de- 
sires of living to God^ and wearing out life /or Am. O ^ai I 
could indeed do BO P'* 

The next day he went to Elizabethtown, to a mooting of 
the Presbytery; and spent this, and ThurBday^BSiA the former 
part of Friday^ under a very great decree or melanchofy, and 
ffloominess of mind ; not through any fear of future punishment, 
but as being distressed with a senselessness of all ffo'od, so that 
the whole world appeared empty and gloomy to him. In the 
latter part oi Fridayhe was greatly relieved and comforted. 

July 26. " Was comfortable in the morning ; my counte- 
nance and heart were not sad, as in days past ; enjoyed some 
sweetness in lifting up my heart to God. Rode home to my 
people, and was in a comfortable, pleasant frame by the way ; 
my spirits were much relieved of their burden, and I felt free to 
go through all difficulties and labours in my Master^s service. 

Lord's day^ July 27. " Discoursed to my people in the fore- 
noon, from Luke xii. 37, on the duty and benefit of watching, 
God helped me in the latter part of my discourse, and the pow- 
er of God appeared in the assembly. In the afternoon, dis- 
coursed from Luke xiii. 25. When once the master of the house 
is risen up^ &c. Here also I enjoyed some assistance ; and 
the Spirit of God seemed to attend what was spoken, so that 
there was a great solemnity, and some tears among Indians and 

July 28. " Was very weak, and scarce able to perform any 
business at all ; but enjoyed sweetness and comfort in prayer, 
both morning and evening ; and was composed and comforta- 


ble through the day. My mind was intense, and my heart fer- 
vent, at least in some degree, in secret duties ; and I longed to 
spend and be spent for God. 

July "-29. " My mind was cheerful, and free from the me- 
lancholy, with which I am often exercised ; had freedom in 
looking up to God, at various times in the day. In the even- 
ins, I enjoyed a comfortable season in secret prayer; was 
helped to plead with God for my own dear people, that he 
would carry on his own blessed work among them ; was assist- 
ed also in praying for the divine presence to attend me in my 
intended journey to the Susquehannah ; and was helped to re- 
member dear brethren and friends in New England. I scarce 
knew how to leave the throne of grace, and it grieved me that 
I was obliged to go to bed ; I longed to do something for God, 
but knew not how. Blessed be God for this freedom from dc- 

. July 30. " Was uncommonly comfortable, both in body 
and mind ; in the forenoon especially, my mind was solemn ; 
1 was assisted in my work ; and God seemed to be near to 
me ; so that the day was as comfortable as most I have enjoy- 
ed for some • time. In the evening, was favoured with assist- 
ance in secret prayer, and felt much as I did the evening before. 
Blessed be God for that freedom I then enjoyed at the throne of 
grace, for myself, my people, and my dear friends. It is good 
for me to draw near to God.'*'* 

He seems to have continued very much in the same free, 
comfortable state of mind the next day. 

Aug. I. "In the evening, enjoyed a sweet season in secret 
prayer ; clouds of darkness and perplexing care were sweetly 
scattered, and nothing anxious remained. O how serene was 
my -mind at this season ! how free from that distracting con- 
cern I have often felt ! ' Thy will be done,' was a petition 
sweet to my soul ; and if God had bidden me choose for my- 
self in any affair, I should have chosen rather to have referred 
the choice to him ; for I saw he was infinitely wise, and could 
not do any thing amiss, as I was in danger of doing. Was as- 
sisted in prayer for my dear flock, that God would promote 
his own work among them, and that God would go with me 
in my intended journey to the Susquehannah ; was helped to 
remember my dear friends in New England, and my dear 
brethren in the ministry. I found enough in the sweet duty of 
prayer to have engaged me to continue in it the whole night, 
would my bodily state have admitted of it. O how sweet it is, 
to be enabled heartily to say, Lord^ not my will^ hut thine be 

Aug. 2, ** Near night, preached from Matt. xi. 29. Take 


my yoke mon you^ Slc Was coiuiderably helped ; and the 
presence of Grod seemed to be somewhat remarkably in the as- 
sembly ; divine truths made poweriiil impressions, bo^ upon 
saints and sinners. Blessed oe God for such a revival among 
us. In tfie evening was very weary, but found my spirits sup- 
ported and refreshed. 

Lord* 9 dauj Aug. 3. ^ Discoursed to my people, in the fore- 
noon, from Col. hi. 4. and observed, that Cmrist is the believer^s 
Idfe. God helped me, and gave me his oresence in this dis- 
course ; and it was a season of considtdrable power to the as- 
sembly. In the afternoon, preached from Luke Jiiz. 41, 42. 
And when hewascome near^ he beheld the cUv^ ^rc 1 enjoyed 
some assistance ; though not so much as in tne forenoon. In 
' the evening I enjoyed freedom and sweetness in secret prayer ; 
God enlarged my heart, freed me from melancholy damps, 
and gave me satisfaction in drawing near to himseHl Ok 
thai my soul could modify the Lard, for these seasons of 
composure and resignation to his wiU. 

Aug. 4. ^^ Spent the day in writing ; enjoyed mudh free- 
dom and assistance in my work ; was in a composed and conb 
fcNTtable frame, most of the day ; and in the evening enjoyed 
some sweetness in prayer. Blessed be God, my spirits vrere 
yet up, and I was free from sinking damps ; as 1 have been in 
general ever since I came from Elizabethtown last Owhal 
amercyis this! 

Aug. 5. ^^ Towards ni^ht, preached at the funeral of one of 
my cimstians, from Is. Ivii. 2. He shall enter into peace, Ac* 
I was oppressed with the nervous head-ach, and considerably 
dejectea ; however, had a little freedom, some part of the time 
I was discoursing. Was extremely weary in the evening ; but 
notwithstanding, enjoyed some liberty and cheerfulness of mind 
in prayer ; and found the dejection that 1 feared, much remo- 
ved, and my spirits considerably refreshed." 

He continued in a very comfortable, cheerful frame of mind 
the next day^ with his heart enlarged in the service of God. 

Aug. 7. " Ro ' '7 house, where I spent the last winter, 
in order to bring* ' aie things I needed for my Susquehannah 
journey ; was refreshed to see that place, which God so mar- 
vellously visited with the showers of his grace. O how amazing 
did the power of God often appear there ! Bless the Lord, 
my soul, and forget not all his benefts.'*'* 

The next day, he speaks of liberty, enlargement, and sweet- 
ness of mind, in prayer and religious conversation. 

Aug. 9. " In the afternoon, visited my people ; set their at 


fairs in order, as much as possible, and contrived for them the 
management of their worldly business ; discoursed to them in 
a solemn manner, and concluded with prayer. Was composed 
and comfortable in the evening, and somewhat fervent in se- 
cret prayer ; had some sense and view of the eternal world ; 
and found a serenity of mind. O that I could magnify the 
Lord for any freedom which he affords me in prayer ! 

Lord^s day^ Aug, 10. " Discoursed to my people, both parts 
of the day, from Acts iii. 19. Repent ye therefore^ &c. In 
discoursing of repentance^ in the forenoon, God helped me, so 
that my discourse was searching ; some were in tears, both of 
the Indians and white people, and the word of God was at- 
tended with some power. In the intermission, I was engaged 
in discoursing to some in order to their baptism ; as well as 
with one who had then lately met with some comfort, after spi- 
ritual trouble and distress. In the afternoon, was somewhat 
assisted again, though weak and weary. Afterwards baptized 
six persons ; three adults and three children. Was in a com- 
fortable frame in the evening, and enjoyed some satisfaction 
in secret prayer. I scarce ever in my life felt myself so full of 
tenderness, as this day. 

Aug, 11. " Being about to set out on a journey to the Sus- 
quehannah the next- day, with leave of Providence, I spent some 
time this day in prayer with my people, that God would bless 
and succeed my intended journey, that he would send forth his 
blessed Spirit with his word, and set up his kingdom among 
the poor Indians in the wilderness. While 1 was opening and 
applying part of the cxth and iid Psalms, the power of God 
seemed to descend on the assembly in some measure; and 
while I was making the first prayer, numbers were melted, and, 
found some affectionate enlargement of soul myself. Preach- 
ed from Acts iv. 31. And when they had prayed^ the place was 
shaken^ &c. God helped me, and my interpreter also ; there 
was a shaking and melting among us ; and divers, I doubt not, 
were in some measure ' filled with the Holy Ghost.' After- 
wards, Mr. Macnight prayed ; and I then opened the two last 
stanzas of the Ixxiid Psalm ; at which ♦'*- jod was present 
with us; especially while I insisted up.. e promise of all 
nations blessing the great Redeemer. My &vu' was refreshed 
to think, that this day, this blessed glorious season, should 
surely come ; and, I trust, numbers of my dear people were 
also refreshed. Afterwards prayed ; had some freedom, but 
was almost spent ; then walked out, and left my people to car- 
ry on religious exercises among themselves. They prayed re- 
peatedly, and sung, whilel rested and refreshed myself. After- 
wards, went to the meeting, prayed with, and dismissed the as- 
sembly. Blessed be God, this has been a day of grace. There 
were many tears and affectionate sobs among us this day. In 


the evening, my soul was refreshed in prayer ; enjoyed liberty 
at the throne of grace, in praying for my pecmle and firiendi, 
and the Church of God in general BUss the Lord^ O mi 
9ml r . 

The next day he set out on his journey towards the SiuHRie-^ 
hannah, and six of his Christian Indians with him, whom he bad 
chosen out of his con^gation, as those he judged moat fit to 
assist him in the business he was going upon* He took Us 
way throuffh Philadelphia ; intending to go to the Suaquehan- 
nah river, mr down, where it is settled by the white people, be- 
low the country inhabited by the Indians ; and so to thmi. Op 
the river to the Indian habitations. For alUiouch thk m 
much farther about, yet hereby he avoided the huge moun- 
tains, and hideous wilderness, that must be crossed in the near- 
er way ; which in time past he found to be extremeily fliPVwfc 
and fatij^ing. He rode this week as far as Charlestown, about 
thirty miles westward of Philadelphia, where he arrived oil 
Friday : and in his way hither, was, for the most part, ia aeeiB- 
posed, comfortable state of mind. 

Aug. 16. *^ [At Charlestown.] It being a day kept by die 
people of the place where I now was, as preparatory to the 
celebration of the Lord^s supper, I tarried ; heard Mr. Trettt 
preach ; and then preached mysel£ God gave me some good 
degreee of freedom, and helped me to discourse with warmdi 
and application, to the conscience. Afterwards, 1 was refr^h 
ed in spirit, though much tried ; and spent the evening agreea* 
bly, having some freedom in prayer, as well as christian conver- 

Lord's day^ Aug, 17. " Enjoyed liberty, composure, and 
satisfaction, in the secret duties of the morning ; had my heart 
somewhat enlarged in prayer for dear friends, as well as for 
myself. In the forenoon attended Mr. Treat's preaching, par- 
took of the Lord's supper, five of my people also communi- 
cating in this holy ordinance ; I enjoyed some enlargement and 
outgoing of soul in this season. In t(ie afternoon preached from 
Ezek. xxxiii. 11. Say unto them^ as I live^ saith the Lard Oad^ 
&.C. Enjoyed not so much sensible assistance as the day be- 
fore ; however, was helped to some fervency in addressing im- 
mortal souls. Was somewhat confounded in the evening, be- 
cause I thought I had done little or nothing for God ; yet en- 
joyed some refreshment of spirit in christian conversation "and 
prayer. Spent the evening, till near midnight, in religious ex- 
ercises ; and found my bodily strength, which was much spent 
when I came from the public worship, something renewed be- 
fore I went to bed. 

Aug. 18. " Rode on my way towards Paxton, upon Sus- 


quehannah river. Felt my spirits sink towards night, so that I 
had little comfort 

Atiff. 19. " Rode forward still ; and at night lodged by 
the side of the Susquehannah. Was weak and disordered both 
this and the preceding day, and found my spirits considerably 
damped, meeting with none that I thought godly people. 

Aug. 20. " Having lain in a cold sweat all night, I cough- 
ed much bloody matter this morning, and was under great dis- 
order of body, and not a little melancholy ; but What gave me 
some encouragement was, I had a secret hope that I might 
speedily get a dismission from earth, and all its toils and sor^ 
rows. Rode this day to one Chamber's, upon the Susquehan- 
nah, and there lodged. Was much afflicted in the evening, 
with an ungodly crew, drinking, swearing, &c. O what a hell 
Would it be, to be numbered with the ungodly ! Enjoyed some 
agreeable conversation with a traveller, who seemed to have 
some relish of true religion* 

Aug. 21. " Rode up the river about fifteen miles and there 
lodged, in a family which appeared quite destitute of God. 
Laboured to discourse with the man about the life of religion, 
but found him very artful in evading such conversation. O 
what a death it is to some, to hear of the things of God / Was 
out of my element ; but was not so dejected as at some times. 

Aug. 22. " Continued my course up the river ; my people 
now being with me, who before were parted from me ; travel- 
led above all the English settlements ; at ni^ht lodged in the 
open woods ; and slept with more comfort than while among 
an ungodly company of white people. Enjoyed some liberty 
in secret prayer, this evening ; and was helped to remember 
dear friends, as well as my dear flock, and the church of God 
in general. 

Aug. 23. " Arrived at the Indian town, called Shaumok- 
ing^ near night, was not so dejected as formerly; but yet 
somewhat exercised. Felt somewhat composed in the evening ; 
enjoyed some freedom in leaving my all with God. Through 
the great goodness of God, I enjoyed some liberty of mind ; 
and was not distressed with a despondency, as frequently here- 

Lord'^s day, Aug. 24. " Towards noon, visited some of the 
Delawares, and discoursed with them about Christianity. In 
the afternoon discoursed to the King, and others, upon divine 
things ; who seemed disposed to hear. Spent most of the day 
in these exercises. In the evening enjoyed some comfort and 
satisfaction ; and especially had some sweetness in secret 
prayer. This duty was made so agreeable to me, that I loved 
to walk abroad, and repeatedly engage in it. OA, how comfort- 
able is a little glimpf^e of God ! 

Vol. X. 4fi 


Aug. 25. " Spent most of the day in writing. Sent out my 
people that were with me, to talk with the Indians, and contract 
a friendship and famiharity with them, that I might have a bet- 
ter opportunity of treating with them about Christianity. Some 
good seemed to be done by their visit this day, divers appear- 
ed willing to hearken to Christianity. My spirits were a little 
refreshed this evening ; and I found some liberty and satisfac- 
tion in prayer. 

Aug. 26. '^ About noon, discoursed to a considerable num- 
ber of Indians. God helped me, 1 am persuaded ; for I was 
enabled to speak with much plainness, and some warmth and 
power ; and the discourse had impression upon some, and 
made them appear very serious. I thought things now ap- 
peared as encouraging, as they did at Crossweeks. At the 
time of my first visit to those Indians, I was a little encoura- 
ged ; I pressed things with all my might ; and called out my 
people, who were then present, to give in their testimony for 
God ; which they did. Towards ni£[ht, was refreshed ; had a 
heart to pray for the setting up of God^s kingdom here ; as 
well as for my dear congregation below, and my dear friends 

Aug. 27. ^^ There having been a thick smoke in the house 
where I lodged all night before, whereby I was almost choak- 
ed, I was this morning distressed with pains in my bead and 
neck, and could have no rest. In the morning, the smoke was 
still the same; and a cold easterly storm gathering, I could 
neither live within doors, nor without, a long time together. I 
was pierced with the rawness of the air abroad, and in the 
house distressed with the smoke. I was this day very vapoury, 
and lived in great distress, and had not health enough to do 
any thing to any purpose. 

Aug, 28. " In the afternoon, I was under great concern of 
mind about my work. Was visited . by some who desired to 
hear me preach ; discoursed to them, in the afternoon, with 
some fervency, and laboured to persuade them to turn to God. 
Was full of concern for the kingdom of Christ, and found some 
enlargement of soul in prayer, both in secret and in my family. 
Scarce ever saw more clearly, than this day, that it is God's 
work to convert souls, and especially poor Heathens. I knew, 
I could not touch them ; I saw I could only speak to dry bones^ 
but could give them no sense of what I said. My eyes were 
up to God for help : I could say the ivork was his ; and if done, 
the glori/ would be his. 

Aug. 29. " Felt the same concern of mind, as the day be- 
fore. Enjoyed some freedom in prayer, and a satisfaction to 
leave all with God. Travelled to the Delawares, found few at 
home, felt poorly : but was able to spend some time alone in 


reading God's word and in prayer, and enjoyed some sweet- 
ness in these exercises. In the evening, was assisted repeated^* 
]y in prayer, and found some comfort in coming to the throne 
of grace. 

Aug. 30. " Spent the forenoon in visiting a trader^ who 
came down the river sick ; and who appeared as ignorant as 
any Indian. In the afternoon spent some time in reading, 
writing, and prayer. 

Lord*s day, Aug. 31. " Spent much time, in the morning, 
in secret duties ; found a weight upon my spirits, and could 
not but cry to God with concern and engagement of soul. 
Spent some time also in reading and expounding God's word 
to my dear family which was with me, as well as in singing and 
prayer with them. Afterwards spake the word of God, to 
some few of the Susquehannah Indians. In the afternoon, 
felt very weak and feeble. Near night, was somewhat refresh- 
ed in mind, with some views of things relating to my great 
work. O how heavy is my work, when faith cannot take hold 
of an almighty arm, for the performance of it ! Many times 
have I been ready to sink in this case. Blessed be God that I 
map repair to a full fountain ? 

Sept. 1. " Set out on a journey towards a place called The 
Chreat Island, about fifty miles distant from Shaumoking, in the 
north-western branch of the Susquehannah. Travelled some 
part of the way, and at night lodged in the woods. Was ex- 
ceedingly feeble this day, and sweat much the night following, 

Sept. 2. " Rode forward ; but no faster than my people 
went on foot. Was very weak, on this as well as the preceding 
days. I was so feeble and faint, that I feared it would kill me 
to lie out in the open air ; and some of our company being 
parted from us, so that we had now no axe with us, I had no 
way but to climb into a young pine tree, and with my knife to 
lop the branches, and so made a shelter from the dew. But the 
evening being cloudy, and very likely for rain, I was still under 
fears of being extremely exposed : sweat much in the night, so 
that my linen was almost wringing wet all night. I scarcely 
ever was more weak and weary, than this evening, when 1 was 
able to sit up at all. This was a melancholy situation I was 
in ; but I endeavoured to quiet myself with considerations of 
the possibility of my being in much worse circumstances, 
among enemies, (&c. 

Sept. 3. " Rode to the Delaware-town ; found divers drink- 
ing and drunken. Discoursed with some of the Indians about 
Christianity ; observed my Interpreter much engaged and as- 
sisted in his work ; some few persons seemed to hear with great 
earnestness and engagement of soul. About noon, rode to a 
small town of Shauwaunoes, about eight miles distant ; spent 
an hour or two there, and returned to the Delaware-town, and 


lodged there. Was scarce ever more confounded with a sense 
of my own unfruitfulness and unfitness for my work, than now. 
O what a dead, heartless, barren, unprofitable wretch did I now 
see myself to be ! My spirits were so low, and my bodily 
strength so wasted, that I could do nothing at all. At length, 
being much overdone, lay down on a buffalo-skin ; but sweat 
much the whole night. 

Sept, 4. " Discoursed with the Indians, in the morning, 
about Christianity ; my Interpreter, afterwards, carrying on 
the discourse lo a considerable length. Some few appeared 
well disposed, and somewhat affected. Left this place, and 
returned towards Shaumoking ; and at night lodged in the place 
where I lodged the Monday night before : was in very uncom- 
fortable circumstances in the evening, my people being belated, 
and not coming to me till past ten at night ; so that I had no fire 
to dress any victuals, or to keep me warm, or keep oflF wild 
beasts ; and I was scarce ever more weak and worn out in all 
my life. However, I lay down and slept before my people 
came up, expecting nothing else but to spend the whole night 
alone, and without fire. 

Sept, 5. " Was exceeding weak, so that I could sc^arcely 
ride ; it seemed sometimes as if I must fall off from my horse, 
and lie in the open woods : however, got to Shaumoking, to- 
wards night : felt somewhat of a spirit of thankfulness, that 
God had so far returned me : was refreshed to see one of my 
Christians, whom I left here in my late excursion. 

Sept, 6. " Spent the day in a very weak state ; coughing 
and spitting blood, and having liltlc appetite for any food I had 
with me ; was able to do very little, except discourse a while of 
divine things to my own people, and to some few I met with. 
Had, by this time, very little life or heart to speak for God, 
through feebleness of body, and flatness of spirits. Was 
scarcely ever more ashamed and confounded in myself, than 
now. I was sensible, that there were numbers of God's peo- 
ple, who knew I was then out upon a design, or at least the 
pretence, of doing something for God, and in his cause, among 
the poor Indians ; and they were ready to suppose, that I was 
fervent in spirit ; but O the heartless frame of mind that I felt, 
filled me with confusion ! O methought if God's people knew 
me, as God knows, they would not think so highly of my zeal 
and resolution for God, as perhaps now they do ! I could not 
but desire they should see how heartless and irresolute I was, 
that they might be undeceived, and ' not think of me above what 
they ought to think.' And yet 1 thought, if they saw the ut- 
most of my flatness and unfaithfulness, the smallness of my 
courage and resolution for God, they would be ready to shut 
me out of their doors, as unworthy of the company or friend- 
ship of Christians. 


hordes day^ Sept. 7. " Was much in the same weak state 
of body, and afflicted frame of mind, as in the preceding day : 
my soul was grieved, and mourned that I could do nothing for 
God» Read and expounded some part of God's word to my 
own dear family, and spent some time in prayer with them ; 
discoursed also a little to the Pagans ; but spent the Sabbath 
with a little comfort. 

Sept. 8. " Spent the forenoon among the Indians ; in the 
afternoon, left Shaumoking, and returned down the river, a few 
miles. Had proposed to have tarried a considerable time lon- 

fer among the Indians upon the Susquehannah ; but was hin- 
ered from pursuing my purpose by the sickness that prevailed 
there, the weakly circumstances of my own people that were 
with me, and especially my own extraordinary weakness, ha- 
ving been exercised with great nocturnal sweats, and a coughing 
up of blood, almost the whole of the journey. I was a great 
part of the time so feeble and faint, that it seemed as though I 
never should be able to reach home ; and at the same time 
very destitute of the comforts, and even the necessaries of life ; 
at least, what was necessary for one in so weak a state. In this 
journey I sometimes was enabled to speak the word of God 
with some power, and divine truths made some impressions on 
divers who heard me ; so that several, both men and women; 
old and young, seemed to cleave to iis^ and be well disposed 
towards Christianity ; but others mocked and shouted, which 
damped those who before seemed friendly, at least some of 
them. Yet God, at times, was evidently present, assisting me, 
my interpreter, and other dear friends who were with me. God 
^ave, sometimes, a good degree of freedom in prayer for the 
mgathering of souls there ; and I could not but entertain a 
strong hope, that the journey should not be wholly fruitless. 
Whether the issue of it would be the setting up of Christ's 
kingdom there^ or only the drawing of some few persons down 
to my congregation in New Jersey ; or whether they were now 
only being prepared for some further attempts, that might be 
made among them, I did not determine ; but I was persuaded, 
the journey would not be lost. Blessed he God, that I had 
any encouragement and hope. 

Sept, 9. " Rode down the river, near thirty miles. Was 
extremely weak, much fatigued, and wet with a thunder storm. 
^ Discoursed with some warmth and closeness to some poor ig- 
norant souls, on the life and power of religion ; what were, 
and what were not th^ evidences of it. They seemed much as- 
tonished, when they saw my Indians ask a blessing, and give 
thanks, at dinner -, concluding that a very high evidence of 
grace in them ; but were astonished, when 1 insisted, that 
neither that, nor yet secret prayer, was any sure evidence of 
grace. O the ignorance of the world ! How are some empty 


outward forms^ that may all be entirely selfish^ mistaken for 
true religion, infallible evidences of it. The Lord pity a de- 
luded world ! 

Sepi, 10. " Rode near twenty miles homeward. Was 
much solicited to preach, but was utterly unable, through bodi- 
ly weakness. Was extremely overdone with the heat and 
showers this day, and coughed up a considerable quantity of 

Sept, 11. " Rode homeward ; but was very weak, and 
sometimes scarcely able to ride. Had a very importunate in- 
vitation to preach at a meetinff-house I came by, the people 
being then gathering ; but could not, by reason of weakness. 
Was resigned and composed under my weakness ; but was 
much exercised with concern for my companions in travel, 
whom 1 had left with much regret, some lame, and some sick. 

Sept, 12. ^^ Rode about fifty miles ; and came, just at night, 
to a christian friend's house, about twenty-five miles westward 
from Philadelphia. Was courteously received, and kindly en- 
tertained, and found myself much refreshed in the midst of my 
weakness and fatigues. 

Sept. 13. " Was still agreeably entertained with christian 
friendship, and all things necessary for my weak circumstances. 
In the afternoon, heard Mr. Treat preach ; and was refi'eshed 
in conversation with him, in the evening. 

Lord* s day ^ Sept. 14. " At the desire of Mr. Treat and the 
people, I preached both parts of the day, (but short,) from Luke 
xiv. 23. And the Lord said unto the servant^ go out, &c. 
God gave me some freedom and warmth in my discourse ; and 
I trust, helped me in some measure to labour in singleness of 
heart. Was much tired in the evening, but was comforted 
with the most tender treatment 1 ever met with in my life. My 
mind, through the whole of this day, was exceeding calm ; and 
I coul(i ask for nothing in prayer, with any encouragement of 
soul, but that ' the will of God might be done.' 

Sept. 15. " Spent the whole day, in concert with Mr. Treat, 
in endeavours to compose a difference, subsisting between cer- 
tain persons in the congregation where we now were : and 
there seemed to be a blessing on our endeavours. In the eve- 
ning, baj)tized a child ; was in a calm, composed frame ; and 
enjoyed, I trust, a spiritual sense of divine things, while admi- 
nistering the ordinance. Afterwards, spent the time in reli- 
gious conversation, till late in the night. This was indeed a 
pleasant, agreeable evening. 

Sept, 16. ''Continued still at my friend's house, about twen- 
ty-five miles westward of Philadelphia. Was very weak, una- 
ble to perform any business, and scarcely able to sit up. 

Sept. 17. " Rode into Philadelphia. Still very weak, and my 


cough and spitting of blood continued. Enjoyed some agreea- 
ble conversation with friends, but wanted more spirituality. 

Sept. 18. " Went from Philadelphia to Mr. .Treat's ; was 
agreeably entertained on the road ; and was in a sweet, com- 
posed frame, in the evening. 

Sept. 19. *' Rode from Mr. Treat's to Mr. Stockston's, at 
Princeton : was extremely weak, but kindly received and 
entertained. Spent the evening with some degree of satis- 

Sept. 20. " -A/^'v^^ among my own people, near Cranberry, 
just at night : found them praying together ; went in, and gave 
them some account of God's dealings with me and my com- 
panions in the journey ; which seemed affecting to them. 1 
then prayed with tbem, and thought the divine presence was 
amongst us ; divers were melted into tears, and seemed to have 
a sense of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged soon 
to repair to my lodgings, and felt much worn out, in the eve- 
ning. Thus God has carried me through the fatigues and pe- 
rils of another journey to the Susquehannah, and returned me 
again in safety, though under a great degree of bodily indispo- 
sition. Oh that my soul were truly thankful for renewed in- 
stances of mercy ! Many hardships and distresses I endured in 
this journey, but the Lord supported me under them all." 

Hitherto Brainerd had kept a constant diary, giving an ac- 
count of what passed from day to day, with very little inter- 
ruption ; but henceforward his diary is very much interrupted 
by his illness ; under which he was often brought so low, as 
either not to be capable of writing, or not well able to bear the 
burden of a care so constant, as was requisite, to recollect^ 
every evening, what had passed in the day, and digest it, and 
set down an orderly account of it in writing. However, his 
duMry was not wholly neglected ; but he took care, from time 
to time, to take some notice in it of the most material things 
concerning himself and the state of his mind, even till within a 
few days of his death, as the reader will see afterwards.* 

Lord's day, Sept. 21, 1746. " I was so weak that I could 

* Mr. Shepard, in his select eases resolved^ und'^rthe first case sayg as follows : 
— " I have lately known one, very able, wise and godly, put upon the rack, by 
him that, envying; God''8 people's peace, knows how to change himsell into an 
angd of light ; for it being his usual course, in (he time of his health, to make a 
diary of his hourly life, and finding much benefit by it, he was in conscience press- 
ed, by the power and delusion of Satan^ to make and take the same daily survey 
of his life in the time of his sickness — by means of which he spent his enfeebled 
'spirits, cast on fuel to fire his sickness. Had not a friend of his convinced him of 
his erroneous conscience misleading him at that time, he had murdered his bo- 
dy, out of conscience to save his soul, and to preserve his grace. And do you 
think tliese were the motions of God's Spirit, which like those locusts, Rev. ix. 
9. 10. had faces like men, but had tails like scorjpions, and stings in their tails ?" 


not preach, nor pretrnd to ride over to my people in the fore-^ 
noon. In the afternoon rode out ; sat in my chair^ and dis- 
coursed to my people from Rom. xiv. 7, 8. For none of us 
liveth to himself &c. I was strengthened and helped in my 
discourse ; and there appeared something agreeable in the as- 
sembly« I returned to my lodgings extremely tired, but thank- 
ful, that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor peo- 
ple, from whom I had been so long absent. Was enabled to 
sleep very little this night, through weariness and pain. O how 
blessed should I be, if the little I do were all jlone with right 
views ! Oh that, ' whether I live, I might live to the Lord ; or 
w^hether I die, I might die unto the Lord ; that, whether livuig 
or dying, I might be the Lord's !' 

Sept. 27. " Spent this day, as well as the whote week past, 
under a great degree of bodily weakness, exercised with a vio- 
lent cough, and a considerable fever. I had no appetite far 
any kind of food ; and frequently brought up what I ate, as 
soon as it was down ; oftentimes had little rest in my bed, 
owing to pains in my breast and back. I was able, however, 
to ride over to my people, about two miles, every day, and take 
some care of those who were then at work upon a small house 
for me to reside in among the Indians.* I was sometimes 
scarce able to walk, and never able to sit up the whole day, 
through the week. Was calm and composed, and but little 
exercised with melancholy, as in former seasons of weakness. 
Whether I should ever recover or no, seemed very doubtful ; 
but this was many times a comfort to me, that life and death 
did not depend upon my choice. I was pleased to think, that 
He who is infinitely wise, had the determination of this matter; 
and that I had no trouble to consider and weigh things upon 
all sides, in order to make the choice, whether I should live or 
die. Thus my time was consumed ; 1 had little strength to 
pray, none to write or read, and scarce any to meditate; but 
through divine goodness, I could with great composure look 
death in the face, and frequently with sensible joy. O how 
blessed it is, to be hahitualh/ prepared for death ! The Lord 
grant, that I may be actually ready also ! 

Lord''s day^ Sept. 18. " Rode to my people ; and, though 
under much weakness, attempted to preach from 2 Cor. xiii. 5. 
Examine yourselves^ vSlc. Discoursed about half an hour ; at 
which season divine power seemed to attend the word : but 
being extremely weak, I was obliged to desist; and after a 
turn of faintness, with much difficulty rode to my lodgings ; 
where betaking myself to my bed, I lay in a burning fever, and 
almost delirious, for several hours ; till towards morning, my 

* This was ihe fourth house he built for his residence among the Indians. Be- 
side that at Kaunaumeekf and that at the Forks of Deh.nvare, and another at 
^rossweeksungy he built one now at Crajiberr?/. 


fever went oiF with a violent sweat. I have often been fever- 
ish, and unable to rest quietly after preaching ; but this was 
the most severe, distressing turn, that ever preaching brought 
upon me. Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind, because 
I had made my utmost attempts to speak for God, and knew I 
could do no more. 

Sept. 30. " Yesterday and to-day, was in the same weak 
state, or rather weaker than in days past ; was scarce able to sit 
up half the day. Was in a composed frame of mind, remarka- 
bly free from dejection and melancholy ; as God has been 
pleased, in a great measure, to deliver me from these unhappy 
glooms, in the general course of my present weakness hitherto, 
and also from a peevish froward spirit. And O how great a 
mercy is this ! Oh that I might always be perfectly quiet in 
seasons of greatest weakness, although nature should sink and 
fail ! Oh that I may always be able with the utmost sincerity 
to say, * Lord, not my will, but thine be done !' This, through 

E^ce, I can say at present, with regard to life or death, ' The 
ord do with me as seems good in his sight ;^ that whether I 
live or die, I may glorify Him^ who is ' worthy to receive bless- 
ing, and honour, and dominion for ever. Amen.' 

Oct 4. " Spent the former part of this week under a great 
degree of infirmity and disorder, as I had done several weeks 
before ; was able, however, to ride a little every day, although 
unable to sit up half the day, till Thursday. Took some care 
daily of some persons at work upon my house. On Friday af- 
ternoon, found myself wonderfully revived and strengthened. 
Having some time before given notice to my people, and those 
of them at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I design- 
ed, with the leave of Providence, to administer the sacrament 
of the Lord's supper upon the first Sabbath in October. On 
Friday afternoon I preached preparatory to the sacrament, 
from 2 Cor. xiii. 5 ; finishing what I proposed to offer upon the 
subject the Sabbath before. The sermon was blessed of God 
to the stirring up religious affection, and a spirit of devotion, 
in the people of God ; and to greatly affecting one who had 
backslidden from God, which caused him to judge and condemn 
himself. I was surprisingly strengthened in my work, while I 
was speaking ; but was obliged immediately after to repair to 
bed, being now removed into my own bouse among the In- 
dians ; which gave me such speedy relief and refreshment, as I 
could not well have lived without. Spent some time on Fri- 
day night in conversing with my people about divine things, as 
I lay upon my bed ; and found my soul refreshed, though my 
body was weak. This being Saturday, I discoursed particular- 
ly with divers of the communicants ; and this afternoon preach- 
ed from Zech. xii. 10. And I will pour on the house of David, 
<fcc. There seemed to be a tender melting:, and hearty mourn- 
VoL. X. 47 

370 MEMeiRs er brainerb, 

ing for sin, in numbers in the congregation. My soul was in t 
comfortable fristme, and 1 enjoyed freedom and assistance is 
public service ; was myself, as well as most of the congrega- 
tion, much affected with the humble confession, and apparait 
broken-heartedness of the forementioned backslider; and 
could not but rejoice, that God had given him such a sense of 
his sin and un worthiness. Was extremely tired in the evening ; 
but lay on my bed, and discoursed to my people. 

hordes day^ Oct. 5. ^^ Was still verv weak ; and in the 
morning considerably afraid T should not be able to go throogh 
the work of the day ; having much to do, both in private and 
public. Discoursed before the administration oi the sacrt* 
ment, from John i. 29. ^ Behold the Lamb of God, that taketk 
away the sins of the world.^ Where I considered, L In whtt 
respects Christ is called the Lamb of God ; and observed that 
he is so called, (1.) From the purity and innocemcy of his nsi- 
ture. (2.) From his meekness e^na patience under aufferingk 
(3.) From his being that atonement which was pointed out in 
the sacrifice of the lambs, and in particular by the paschd 
Iamb. ll. Considered how and in what sense he *• takes awaf 
the sin of the world f and observed, that the means and man- 
ner, in and by which he takes away the sins of men, was his 
* giving himself for them,^ doing ipd suffering id their rocMD 
and stead, &c. And he is said to take awav the sin of lis 
worlds not because all the world shall actually be redeemed 
from sin by him ; but because, (I.) He has done and suffered 
sufficient to answer for the sins of the world, and so to redeem 
all mankind. (2.) He actually does take away the sins of the 
elect world. And, IH. Considered how we are to behold him, 
in order to have our sins taken away. (1.) Not with owtbodUy 
eyes. Nor, (2.) By imagining him on the cross, &c. But by a 
spiritual view of his glory and goodness, engaging the soul to 
rely on him, &,c. — The divine presence attended this discourse ; 
and the assembly was considerably melted with divine truths. 
After sermon, baptized two persons. Then administered the 
Lord's supper to near forty communicants, of the Indians, be- 
sides divers dear Christians of the white people. It seemed to 
be a season of divine power and grace ; and numbers seemed 
to rejoice in God. O the sweet union and harmony then ap- 
pearing among the religious people ! My soul was refreshed, 
and my religious friends, of the white people, with me. After 
the sacrament, could scarcely get home, though it was not more 
than twenty roods ; but was supported and led by my friends, 
and laid on my bed ; where I lay in pain till some time in the 
evening ; and then was able to sit up and discourse with 
friends. O how was this day spent in prayers and praises 
among my dear people ! One might hear them, all the morn- 
ing before public worship, and in the evening, till near mid- 


night, praying and singing prases to God, in one or other of 
their houses. My soul was refreshed, though my body was 

This week, in two days, though in a very low state, he went 
to Elizabethtown, to attend the meeting of the Synod there : 
but was disappointed by its removal to New- York. He con- 
tinued in a very composed, comfortable frame of mind. 

OcU 11. "Towards night was seized with an ague, which 
was followed with a hard fever, and considerable pain ; was 
treated with great kindness ; and was ashamed to see so much 
concern about so unworthy a creature, as I knew myself to be. 
Was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly submissive, with 
regard to life or death It was indeed a peculiar satisfaction 
to me, to think, that it was not my concern or business to de- 
termine whether J should live or die. I likewise felt peculiarly 
satisfied, while under this uncommon degree of disorder; 
being now fully convinced of my being really weak, and una- 
ble to perform my work. Whereas at other times my mind 
was perplexed with fears, that I was a misimprover of time, by 
conceiting I was sick, when I was not in reality so. O how 
precious is time ! And how guilty it makes me feel, when 1 
think that I have trifled away and misimproved it, or neglected 
to fill up each part of it with duty, to the utmost of my ability 
and capacity ! 

Lord'^s day^ Oct. 12. " Was scarcely able to sit up in the 
forenoon : in the afternoon, attended public worship, and was 
in a composed, comfortable frame. 

Lord'^s day^ Oct. 19. " Was scarcely able to do any thing at 
all in the week past, except that on Thursday I rode out about 
four miles ; at which time I took cold. As I was able to do lit- 
tle or nothing, so I enjoved not much spirituality, or lively reli- 
gious affection : though at some times I longed much to be 
more fruitful and full of heavenly affection ; and was grieved to 
gee the hours slide away, while I could do nothing for God. 
Was able this week to attend public worship. Was composed 
and comfortable, willing either to die or live ; but found it 
hard to be reconciled to the thoughts of living useless. Oh 
that I might never live to be a burden to God's creation ; but 
that I might be allowed to repair home^ when my sojourning 
work is done !" 

This week, he went back to his Indians at Cranberry, to take 
some care of their spiritual and temporal concerns ; and was 
much spent with riding ; though he rode but a little way in a 


Oct. 23. *^ Went to my own house, and set tbingB iii ofder. 
Was very weak, and somewhat melancholy ; laboured to do 
something, but had no strength ; and was forced to lie down on 
my bed, very solitary. 

Oct. 24. " Spent the day in overseeing and directuiff my 
people, about mending their fence, and securing their \^at. 
Found that all their concerns of a secular nature depended 
upon me. Was somewhat refreshed in the evening, having 
been able to do something valuable in the day time. O how it 
pains me, to see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any 
purpose ! 

Oct. 25. '' Visited some of my people ; spent some time in 
writing, and felt much better in body, than usual. When it 
was near night, I felt so well, that I had thoughts of expound- 
ing ; but in the evening was much disordered again, and spent 
the night in coughing and spittine blood. 

Lord's day^ Oct. 26. ^^ In the morning was exceeding^ 
weak : spent the day, till near ni^ht, in pain, to see my poor 
people wandering cls sheep not haxAng a shepherd^ waiting and 
hopmg to see me able to preach to them before niffht - It 
could not but distress me, to see them in this case, and to find 
myself unable to attempt any thing for their spiritutd benefit — 
But towards night, finding myself a little better, I called them 
together to my house, and sat down, and read and expoondsd 
Matth. V. I — 16. This discourse, though delivered m much 
weakness, was attended with power to many of the hearers; 
especially what was spoken upon the last of these verses ; 
where I insisted on the infinite wrong done to religion, by ha- 
ving our light beco.me darkness^ instead of shining before men. 
Many in the congregation were now deeply affected with a 
sense of their deficiency with respect to spiritual conversation, 
which might recommend religion to others, and a spirit of con- 
cern and watchfulness seemed to be excited in them. One, in 
particular, who had fallen in the sin of drunkenness some time 
before, was now deeply convinced of his sin, and the great dis- 
honour done to religion by his misconduct, and discovered a 
great degree of grief and concern on that account. My soul 
was refreshed to see this. And though I had no strength to 
speak so much as I would have done, but was obliged to lie 
down on the bed ; yet I rejoiced to see such an humble melt- 
ing in the congregation ; and that divine truths, though faintly 
delivered, were attended with so much efficacy upon the audi- 

Oct. 27. " Spent the day in overseeing and directing the 
Indians about mending the fence round their wheat : was able 
to walk with them, and contrive their business, all the fore- 
noon. In the afternoon, was visited by two dear friends, and 
spent some time in conversation with them. Towards night, 1 


was able to walk out, and take care of the fndians again. In 
the evening, eaioyed a very peaceful frame. 

Oct. 28. " Rode to Princeton, in a very weak state ; had 
such a violent fever, by the way, that I was forced to alight at 
a friend's house, and lie down for some time. Near night, 
was visited by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty, and his wife, and .another 
friend. My spirits were refreshed to see them ; but I was sur- 
prised, and even ashamed, that they had taken so much pains 
as to ride thirty or forty miles to see me. Was able to sit up 
most of the evening ; and spent the time in a very comfortable 
manner with my friends. 

Oct. 29. " Rode about ten miles with my friends who came 
yesterday to see me ; and then parted with them all but one, 
who stayed on purpose to keep me company, and cheer my 
spirits. Was extremely weak, and very feverish, especially to- 
wards night ; but enjoyed comfort and satisfaction. 

Oct. 30. " Rode three or four miles, to visit Mr. Wales ; 
spent some time, in an agreeable manner, in conversation ; 
and though extremely weak, enjoyed a comfortable, composed 
frame of mind. 

Oct. 31. " Spent the day among friends, in a comfortable 
frame of mind, though exceedingly weak, and under a conside- 
rable fever. 

Nov. I. " Took leave of friends, after having spent the 
forenoon with them, and returned home to my own house. 
Was much disordered in the evening, and oppressed with my 
cough ; which has now been constant for a long time, with a 
hard pain in my breast, and fever. 

Lord^s day^ Nov. 2. *' Was unable to preach, and scarcely 
able to sit up, the whole day. Was grieved, and almost sunk, 
to see my poor people destitute of the means of grace ; espe- 
cially as they could not read, and so were under great disad- 
vantages for spending the Sabbath comfortably. O methought, 
I could be contented to be sick, if my poor flock had a faithful 
pastor to feed them with spiritual knowledge ! A view of 
their want of this was more afflictive to me, than all my bodily 

Nov. 3. " Being now in so weak and low a state, that I 
was utterly incapable of performing my work, and having little 
hope of recovery, unless by much riding, I thought it my duty 
to take a long journey into New England, and to divert my- 
self among my friends, whom I had not now seen for a long 
time. Accordingly I took leave of my congregation this day. 
Before I left my people, I visited them all m their respective 
houses, and discoursed to each one, as I thought most proper 
and suitable for their circumstances, and found great freedom 
and assistance in so doing. I scarcely left one house but some 


were in tears ; and many were not only affected with my being 
about to leave them, but with the solemn addresses I made 
them upon divine things ; for 1 was helped to be fervent in 
spirit^ while I discoursed to them. — When I had thus gone 
through my congregation, which took me most of the day, and 
had taken leave of them, and of the school, i left home, and 
rode about two miles, to the house where I lived in the summer 

fast, and there lodged. Was refreshed, this evening, because 
had left my congregation so well-disposed, and affected, an 
had been so much assisted in making my farewell addresse 
to them. 

Nov. 4. " Rode to Woodbridge, and lodged with Mr. Pier- 
son ; continuing still in a very weak state. 

Nov, 5. ''*' Rode to Elizabethtown ; intending, as soon ks 
possible, to prosecute my journey into New England. But was, 
m an hour or two after my arrival, taken much worse. 

'* After this, for near a week, I was confined to my chamber, 
and most of the time to my bed : and then so far revived as to 
be able to walk about the house ; but was still confined within 

" In the beginning of this extraordinary turn of disorder, 
after my coming to Elizabethtown, I was enabled through 
mercy to maintain a calm, composed, and patient spirit, as I 
had been before from the beginning of my weakness. After I 
had been in Elizabethtown about a fortnight, and had so far re- 
covered that I was able to walk about the house, upon a day of 
thanksgiving kept in this place, 1 was enabled to recall and re- 
count over the mercies of God, in such a manner as greatly af- 
fected me, and filled me with thankfulness and praise. Espe- 
cially my soul praised God for his work of grace among the 
Indians, and the enlargement of his dear kingdom. My soul 
blessed God for what he is in himself, and adored him, that he 
ever would display himself to creatures. I rejoiced that he 
was God, and longed that all should know it, and feel it, and 
rejoice in it. ' Lord, glorify thyself,' was the desire and cry of 
my soul. O that all people might love and and praise the 
blessed God ; that he might have all possible honour and glory 
from the intelligent world ! 

" After this comfortable thanksgiving season, I frequently 
enjoyed freedom, enlargement, and engagedness of soul in 
prayer, and was enabled to intercede with God for my dear 
congregation, very often for every family, and every person, in 
particular. It was often a great comfort to me, that I could 
pray heartily to God for those, to whom I could not speak, and 
whom I was not allowed to see. But at other times, my spirits 
were so flat and low, and my bodily vigour so much wasted, 
that I had scarce any affections at all." 


During his confinement at Elizabethtown, Brainerd wrote 
the following letter to his youngest brother. 

To his brother Isi'ael^ then a Student at Yale College^ JNew 

" Elizabethtown^ New Jersey^ Nov. 24, 1746. 

"dear brother, 

" I had determined to make you and my other friends in New 
England a visit, this fall ; partly from an earnest desire I had to 
see you and them, and partly with a view to the recovery of 
my health ; which has, for more than three months past, been 
much impaired. In order to prosecute this design, I set out 
from my own people about three weeks ago, and came as far as 
to this place : where, my disorder greatly increasing, I have 
been obliged to keep house ever since, until the day before 
yesterday; when I was able to ride about half a mile, but 
found myself much tired with the journey. I have now no 
hopes of prosecuting my journey into New England this win- 
ter ; my present state of health will by no means admit of it. 
Although I am, through divine goodness, much better than I 
was some days ago ; yet I have not strength now to ride more 
than ten miles a day, if the season were warm, and fit for me 
to travel in. My disorder has been attended with several 
symptoms of consumption ; and I have been at times appre- 
hensive, that my great change was at hand : yet blessed be 
God, I have never been affrighted ; but, on the contrary, at 
times much delighted with a view of its approach. O the 
blessedness of being delivered from the clogs of flesh and 
sense, from a body of sin and spiritual death ! O the unspeak- 
able sweetness of being translated into a state of complete 
purity and perfection ! believe me, my brother, a lively view 
and hope of these things, will make the king of terrors him- 
self appear agreeable. Deai* brother, let me entreat you, to 
keep eternity in your view, and behave yourself as becomes 
one that must shortly 'give an account of things done in the 
body.' That God may be your God, and prepare you for bis 
service here, and his kingdom of glory hereafter, is the desire 
and daily prayer of 

" Your affectionate loving brother, 


" In December^ I had revived so far as to be able to walk 
abroad, and visit my friends, and seemed to be on the gaining 
hand with regard to my health, in the main, until Lord's day, 
December 21. At which time I went to the public worship, 
and it being sacrament day, I laboured much at the Lord's ta- 

876 MXMOiRS dr beainbrd. 

ble to bring forth a certain corruption, and have it <2am, as be- 
ing an enemy to God and my own soul ; and could not but 
hope, that I had gained some strength against this, as well as 
other corruptions ; and felt some brokenness of heart for mj 

^ After this, having perhaps taken some cold, I began to de- 
cline as to bodily health ; and continued to do so, till the latter 
end of January, 1747. Having a violent cough, a considerable 
fever, an asthmatic disorder, and no appetite for any manner 
of food, nor bby power of digestion, I was reduced to so low a 
state, that my friends, I believe, generally despaired of my life;, 
and sonhe of them, for some time together, thought I codd 
scarce live a day. At this time, I could think of nothing, with 
anjr application of mind, and seemed to be in a great measure 
void orall affection, and was exercised with great temptatioiis; 
but yet was not, ordinarily, afraid of death. 

Lord*s day^ Feb. 1. ^ Though in a very weak and low stated 
I enjoyed a considerable decree of comfort and sweetness in 
divine things ; and was enabled to plead and use argumenti 
with God in prayer, I think, with a childJike spirit That pas- 
sage of scripture occurred to my mind, and g^ve me great as- 
sistance, * If ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to 
your children, how much more will your heavenly Father jgife 
the holy Spuit to them ttiat ask him V This text I was he^ed 
to plead, and insist upon ; and saw the divine faithfiilness en^ 
eaged for dealine with me better than any earthly pia^nt can 
do with his child. This season so refreshed my soul, that^my 
body seemed also to be a gainer by it. From this time, I be- 
gan gradually to amend. As J recovered some strength, vi- 
gour, and spirit, I found at times some freedom and life in the 
exercises of devotion, and some longings afler spirituality and 
a life of usefulness to the interests of the ^reat Redeemer. At 
other times, I was awfully barren and lifeless, and out of frame 
for the things of God ; so that I was ready often to cry out, 
' Oh that it were with me as in months past !' Oh that God 
had taken me away in the midst of my usefulness, with a sudden 
stroke, that I might not have been under a necessity of trifling 
away time in diversions ! Oh that I had never lived to spend 
so much precious time; in so poor a manner, and to so little 
purpose ! Thus 1 often reflected, was grieved, ashamed, and 
even confounded, sunk and discouraged. 

Feb, 24. " I was able to ride as far as Newark, (having been 
confined within Elizabethtown almost four months,) and the 
next day returned to Elizabethtown. My spirits were some- 
what refreshed with the ride, though my body was weary. 

Feb. 28. " Was visited by an Indian of my own congrega- 
tion, who brought me letters, and good news of the sober and 
good behaviour of my people in general. This refreshed my 


soul. I could not but soon retire, and bless God for his good- 
ness ; and found, I trust, a truly thankful frame of spirit, that 
God seemed to be building up that congregation for himself. 

March 4. " I met with reproof from a friend, which, al- 
though I thought I did not deserve it from him, yet was, I trust, 
blessed of God to make me more tenderly afraid of sin, more 
jealous over myself, and more concerned to keep both heart 
and life pure and unblameable. It likewise caused me to reflect 
on my past deadness and wantof spirituahty, and to abhor my- 
self, and look on myself as most unworthy. This frame of mind 
continued the next day ; and for several days after, I grieved 
to think, that in my necessary diversions 1 had not maintained 
more seriousness, solemnity, heavenly affection, and conversa- 
tion. Thus my spirits were often depressed and sunk ; and 
yet, I trust, that reproof was made to be beneficial to me. 

" March 11 being kept in Elizabethtown as a day of fasting 
and prayer, I was able to attend public worship ; which was 
the first time I had been able so to do since December 21. O, 
how much weakness and distress did God carry me through in 
this space of time ! But hftving obtained help from Atwi, I yet 
live. Oh that I could live more to his glory ! 

hordes day^ March 15. " Was able again to attend public 
worship, and felt some earnest desires of being restored to the 
ministerial work : felt, I think, some spirit and life, to speak for 

March 18. " Rode out with a design to visit my people ; 
and the next day arrived among them : but was under great 
dejection in my journey. 

" On Friday morning, I rose early, walked about among 
my people, and inquired into their state and concerns ; and 
found an additional weight and burden on my spirits^ upon 
hearing some things disagreeable. 1 endeavoured to go to God 
with my distresses, and made some kind of lamentable com- 
plaint ; and in a broken manner spread my difficulties before 
God : but notwithstanding, my mind continued very gloomy. 
About ten o'clock I called my people together, and after 
having explained and sung a psalm, 1 prayed with them. There 
was a considerable deal of affection among them ; I doubt not^ 
in some instances, that which was more than merely natural." 

This was the last interview which he ever had with his people. 
Vol. X. 48 



JFVoni the terminaiitm of his Missionary Labours to his Death, 

On Friday, March 20, 1747, about 11 A. M. he left Croh 
berry ; little suspecting that he saw it and his beloYed people 
for we last time. On Saturday, he came to Elizabethtown, 
enfeebled in health, and oppressed with melancholy. Here he 
continued a considerable time, labouring under the raiBges cf 
disease, and suiTering from extreme depression of spirit. 

March 28. ^^ Was taken this morning with violent griping 
pains. These pains were extreme, and constant fin* aev^u 
nours ; so that it seemed impossible for me, without a miracle, 
to live twenty-four hours in such distress. I lav coniSned to mj 
bed the whole day, and in distressing pain, all the former part 
of it ; but it pleased God to bless means for the abatement id 
my distress. Was exceedingly weakened by this pain, and oon- 
tinned so for several days following ; being exercised with a fe- 
. ver, cough, and nocturnal sweats. In this distressed case, so 
long as mv head was free of vapoury confusions, death spear- 
ed agreeaole to me. I looked on it as the end of toils, and an 
entrance into a place ^ where the weary are at rest ;^ and think 
I had some relish for the entertainments of the heavenly state ; 
so that by these I was allured and drawn, as well as driven by 
the fatigues of life. O, how happy it is, to be drawn by desires 
of a state of perfect holiness ! 

April 4. " Was sunk and dejected, very restless and un- 
easy, by reason of the misimprovement of time; and yet knew 
not what to do. I longed to spend time in fasting and prayer, 
that I might be delivered from indolence and coldness in the 
things of God; but, alas, I had not bodily strength for these 
exercises ! O, how blessed a thing it is to enjoy peace of con- 
science ! but how dreadful is a want of inward peace and com- 
posure of soul ! It is impossible, I find, to enjoy this happi- 
ness without redeeming time^ and maintaining a spiritual frame 
of mind. 

Lard's day^ April 5. " It grieved me to find myself so in- 
conceivably barren. My soul thirsted for grace ; but, alas, how 
far was I from obtaining what appeared to nie so exceeding ex- 
cellent ! I was ready to despair of ever being a holy creature, 
and yet my soul was desirous oi following hard after God; but 
never did f see myself so far from having apprehended^ or being 


already perfect^ as at this time. The Lord's supper being this 
day administered, I attended the ordinance : and though I saw 
in myself a dreadful emptiness, and want of grace, and saw my- 
self as it were at an infinite distance from that purity which be- 
comes the gospel, yet at the communion, especially at the dis- 
tribution of the bread, I enjoyed some warmth of affection, and 
felt a lender love to the brethren ; and, I think, to the glorious 
Redeemer, ih^ first bom among them. I endeavoured then to 
bring forth mine and his enemies^ and slay them before him ; 
and found great freedom in begging deliverance from this spi- 
ritual death, as well as in asking divine favours for my friends 
and congregation, and the church of Christ in general. 

April 7. " In the afternoon rode to Newark, to marry the 
Rev. Mr. Dickinson ;* and in the evening, performed rhat ser- 
vice. Afterwards, rode home to Elizabethtown, in a pleasant 
frame, full of composure and sweetness. 

April 9. " Attended the ordination of Mr. Tucker,t and af- 
terwards the examination of Mr. Smith : was in a comfortable 
frame of mind this day, and felt my heart, I think, sometimes 
in a spiritual frame. 

April 10. " Spent the forenoon in Presbyterial business. In 
the afternoon, rode to Elizabethtown ; found my brother John 
there :J spent some time in conversation with him ; but was 
extremely weak and outdone, my spirits considerably sunk, and 
my mind dejected. 

April 13. " Assisted in exa^mining my brother. In the eve-' 
ning, was in a solemn, devout frame ; but was much overdone 
and oppressed with a violent head-ach. 

April 14. " Was able to do little or nothing: spent some 
time with Mr. Byram and other friends. This day my brother 
went to my people. 

April 15. " Found some freedom at the throne of grace se- 
veral times this day. In the afternoon, was very weak, and 

* The late learned and very excellent Mr. Jonathan Dickinson, pastor of a 
church in Elizabethtown, president of the coUeg^e of New-Jersey, and one of the 
correspondents of the honourable society in Scotland for propagating christian 
knowledge. He had a great esteem for Brains rd ; kindly entertained him in 
his house during his sickness the winter past ; and after a short illness, died the 
ensuing October, two days before Brainerd. 

t A worthy pious young gentleman ; who lived in the ministry but a very 
short time : he died at Stratfield, in Connecticut, the December following his 
ordination, a little while after Brainerd's death at Northampton. He was taken 
ill on a journey, returning from a visit to his friends at Milton in Massachusetts, 
which, as I take it, was his native place, and Harvard College the place of his 

t This brother of his had been sent for by the correspondents^ to take care of, 
and instruct Brainerd's congregation of Indians; he being obliged by his illness 
to be absent from them. He continued to take care of them till Brainerd's 
death : and since his death, has been ordained his successor in his mission, and to 
the charge of his congregation ; which continues much to flourish under his pasf> 
' toral care. 


spent the time to very little purpose ; yet in the evening, had, 
I thought, some religious warmth and spiritual desires in prayer. 
My soul seemed to go forth after God, and take complacence 
in his divine perfections. * But, alas ! afterwards awfully let 
down my watch, and grew careless and secure. 

April 16. '^ Was in bitter anguish of soul, in the morning, 
such as I have scarce ever felt, with a sense of sin and guilt. L 
continued in distress the whole day, attempting to prajr^ 
wherever I went ; and indeed could not help so doing ; bu^ 
looked upon myself so vile, that I dared not look any body ii^ 
the face ; and was even grieved, that any body should show m^ 
any respect, or that they should be. so deceived as to think 1 
deserved it. 

April 17. " In the evening, could not but think, that God 
helped me to ' draw near to the throne of grace,' though most 
unworthy, and gave me a sense of his favour ; which gave me 
inexpressible support and encouragement. Though I scarcely 
dared to hope that the mercy was real, it appeared so great; 
yet could not but rejoice, that ever God should discover bis re- 
conciled face to such a vile sinner. Shame and confusion, at 
times, covered me ; and then hope, and joy, and admiration of 
divine goodness gained the ascendant. Sometimes I could not 
but admire the divine goodness, that the Lord had not let me 
fall into all the grossest, vilest acts of sins and open scandal, 
that could be thought of; and felt so much necessitated to 
•praise God, that this was ready for a little while to swallow up 
my shame and pressure of spirit on account of my sins." 

After this, his dejection and pressure of spirit returned ; and 
he remained under it the two next days. 

April 20. '* Was in a very disordered state, and kept my 
bed most of the day. I enjoyed a little more comfort, than in 
several of the preceding days. This day I arrived at the age 
of twenty-nine years, 

April2l, " I set out on my journey for New England, in 
order, (if it might be the will of God,) to recover my health by 
riding; travelled to New York, and there lodged." 

This proved his final departure from New-Jersey. — He tra- 
velled slowly, and arrived among his friends at East-Haddara, 
about the beginning of May. There is very little account in 
his dia7y of the time that passed from his setting out on his 
journey to May 10. He speaks of his sometimes finding his 
heart rejoicing in the glorious perfections of God, and longing 
to live to him ; but complains of the unfixedness of his thoughts, 
and their being easily diverted from divine subjects, and cries 
out of his leanness, as testifying against him, in the loudest 


manner. Concerning those diversions which he was obliged 
to u«e for his health, he sa^s, that he sometimes found he 
oould use diversions with '* smgleness of heart," aiming at the 
glory of God ; but that he also found there was a necessity of 
^eat care and watchfulness, lest he should lose that spiritual 
temper of mind in his diversions, and lest they should degene- 
rate into what was merely selfish, without any supreme aim at 
the glory of God in them. 

Lord's day. May 10. " (At Had-Lime.*") I could not but 
feel some measure of gratitude to God at this time, wherein I 
was much exercised, that he had always disposed me, in my 
ministry, to insist on the greatest doctrines oi regeneration, the 
new creature, faith in Christ, progressive sanctijication, supreme 
love to God, living entirely to the glory of God, being not our 
own, and the like. God thus helped me to see, in the surest 
manner, from time to time, that these, and the like doctrines 
necessarily connected with them, are the only foundation of 
safety and salvation for perishing sinners ; audf that those di- 
vine dispositions, which are consonant hereto, are that holiness, 
' without which no man shall see the Lord.' The exercise of 
these godlike tempers — wherein the soul acts in a kind of con- 
cert with God, and would be and do every thing that is pleasing 
to him — 1 saw, would stand by the soul in a dying hour; for 
God must, I think, deny himself, if he cast away his own image, 
even the soul that is one in desires with himself. 

Lord'^s day. May 17. " (At Millington.t) Spent the fore- 
noon at home, being unable to attend public worship. At this 
time, God gave me such an affecting sense of my own vileness, 
and the exceeding sinfulness of my heart, that there seemed to 
be nothing but sin and corruption within me. ^ Innumerable 
evils compassed me about ;' my want of spirituality and holy 
living, my neglect of God, and living to myself. — AH the abo- 
minations of my heart and life seemed to be open to my view ; 
and I had nothing to say, but, ' God be merciful to me a sin- 
ner.' — Towards noon, I saw, that the grace of God in Christ, is 
infinitely free towards sinners, and such sinners as I was. I 
also saw, that God is the supreme good, that in his presence is 
life ; and I began to long to die, that I might 6^ with him, in a 
state of freedom from all sin. O how a small glimpse of his ex- 
cellency refreshed my soul ! Oh how worthy is the blessed 
God to be loved, adored, and delighted in, for himself, for his 
own divine excellencies I 

" Though I felt much dulness, and want of a spirit of prayer, 
this week, yet I had some glimpses of the excellency of di- 

^ A parish of Haddam, in Connecticut. 

t A parish of East-Haddam* in Connecticut. 


vine things ; and especially one mornins, in secret meditation 
and prayer, the excellency and beauty of holiness, as a likeness 
to the glorious God, was so discovered to me, that I began to 
long earnestly to be in that world where holiness dwells in 
perfection. I seemed to long for this perfect holiness, not so 
much for the sake of my own happiness, although I saw clear- 
ly that this was the greatest, yea, the only happiness of the soul, 
as that 1 mi<i:ht please God, live entirely to him, and glorify him 
to the utmost stretch of my rational powers and capacities. 

LoriPs day^ May 24. " (At Long-Meadow.*) Could not 
but think, as 1 have often remarked to others, that much -more 
of true religion consists in deep humility^ brokenness of hearty 
and an abasing sense of barrenness and want of grace and ho- 
liness^ than most who are called Christians^ imagine ; especial- 
ly those who have been esteemed the converts of the late day. 
Many seem to know of no other religion but elevated ^'ojff and 
affections^ arising only from some flights of imagination^ or 
some suggestion made to their mind, of Christ being theirs^ 
God loving them^ and the Hke." 

Oh Thursday, May 28, he came from Long-Meadow to 
Northampton ; appearing vastly better than, by his account, 
he had been in the winter ; indeed, so well that he was able to 
ride twenty-five miles in a day, and to walk half a mile ; and 
appeared cheerful, and free from melancholy : but yet undoubt- 
edly, at that time, in a confirmed, incurable consumption. 

I had much opportunity, before this, of particular informatioD 
concerning him, from many who were well acquainted with 
him ; and had myself once an opportunity of considerable con- 
vf rsation and some acquaintance with him, at Hew-Haven, near 
four years before, at the time of the commencement^ when he of- 
fered that confession to the rector of the college, which has 
been already mentioned in this history ; having been one 
whom he was pleased then several times to consult on that af- 
fair : but now I had opportunity for a more full acquaintance 
with him. I found him remarkably sociable, pleasant and en- 
tertaining in his conversation ; yet solid, savoury, spiritual, and 
very profitable. He appeared meek, modest, and humble ; far 
from any stiffness, moroseness, superstitious demureness, or af- 
fected singularity in speech or behaviour, and seeming to dis- 
like all such things. We enjoyed not only the benefit of his 
conversation, but had the comfort and advantage of hearing him 
pray in the family, from time to time. His manner of praying 
was very agreeable ; most becoming a worm of the dust, and 
a disciple of Christ, addressing an infinitely great and holy 
God, the Father of mercies ; not with florid expressions, or a 

* In Massachusetts. 


studied eloquence ; not with any intemperate vehemence, or 
indecent boldness. It was at the greatest distance from any 
appearance of ostentation, and from every thing that might look 
as though he meant to recommend himself to those that were 
about him, or set himself off to their acceptance. It was free 
also from vain repetitions, without impertinent excursions, or 
needless multiplying of words. He expressed himself with the 
strictest propriety, with weight and pungency ; and yet what his 
lips uttered seem to flow from the fulness of his hearty as deep- 
ly impressed with a great and solemn sense of our necessities, 
unworthiness, and dependence, and of God^s infinite greatness, 
excellency, and sufficiency, rather than merely from a warm and 
fruitful brain, pouring out good expressions. I know not that I 
ever heard him so much as ask a blessing or return thanks at 
table, but there was something remarkable to be observed both 
in the matter and manner of the performance. In his prayers, 
he insisted much on the prosperity of Zion, the advancement of 
Christ^s kingdom in the world, and the flourishing and propa- 
gation of religion among the Indians. And he generally made 
it one petition in his prayer, ^^ that we might not outlive our 

hordes day ^ Mayil. " [At Northampton.] I had little in- 
ward sweetness in religion, most of the week past ; not re- 
alizing and beholding spiritually the glory of God^ and the 
blessed Redeemer ; from whence always arise my comforts and 
joys in religion, if I have any at all : and if I cannot so behold 
the excellencies and perfections of God, as to cause me to re- 
joice in him for what he is in himself I have no solid foundation 
for joy. To rejoice, only because I.apprehend I have an interest, 
in Christy and shall be finally saved, is a poor mean business 

This week, he consulted Dr. Mather, at my house, concern- 
ing his illness ; who plainly told him, that there were great 
evidences of his being in a confirmed consumption^ and that he 
could give him no encouragement, that he should ever recover. 
But it seemed not to occasion the least discomposure in him, 
nor to make any manner of alteration as to the cheerfulness 
and serenity of his mind, or the freedom or pleasantness of his 

Lord^s day^ June 7. " My attention was greatly engaged, 
and my soul so drawn forth, this day, by what I heard of the 
* exceeding preciousness of the saving grace of God's Spirit,' 
that it almost overcame my body, in my weak state. I saw 
that true grace is exceedingly precious indeed ; that it is very 
rare ; and that there is but a very small degree of it, even 

3S4 ]ISM#IE8 #F BAAina». 

whete the rMlity 6f it is to be fowid; at least I taw this to be 

nijf case. 

•* In the pieceding week, I enjoyed some comfortable «e^ 
sons of meditation. One morning, the cause of God ap peal e d 
exceedingly precious, to me. The Redeemer^ kingdom is aU 
that is valuaole in the earth, and I could not but long fiir die 

S 'emotion of it in the world. I saw, also, that this cause ii 
odVi, that he has an infinitely greater regard and concern for 
it, than 1 could possibly have ;. that if I mve any true love ta 
this blessed interest it. is only a drop derived firom that ocealk. 

promote it.* Thus I did as it were^ rest on Itod that m 
surely promote that which was so agreeable to his own wilf. 
though the time when, must still be 1^ to his sov<er^|n friM^ 

He was advised by physicians still to continue riding} si' 
what would tend, above any other means, to prolonff Us fife^ 
He was at a loss, for some time, which way to bend his ooini 
next ; but finally determined to ride from hence to Bosloii r irt 
having concluded that one of our faqiily should go with iiifl|»^ 
and be hdpful to him in his weak and low state. 

fynt 9. ^ I set out on a journey firom Northampton to JBss* 
ton. Travelled slowly, and got some acquaintance with, fi- 
vers ministers on the road. 

*^ Having now continued to ride for some considerable time 
together, I felt myself much better than I had formerly done; 
and found, that in proportion to the prospect I had of being le- 
stored to a state of usefiilness, so I desired the continuance of 
life ; but death appeared inconceivably more desirable to me, 
than a useless life ; yet, blessed be God, I found my heart, at 
times, fully resi/s:ned and reconciled to this greatest of afflic- 
tions, if God saw fit thus to deal with me. 

June 12. ^^ I arrived in Boston this day, somewhat fatmied 
with my journey. Observed that there is no rest^ but in God ; 
fatigues of body, and anxieties of mind, attend us both in town 
and country ; no place is exempted. 

hordes day^ June 14. " I enjoyed some enlargement and 
sweetness in family prayer, as well as in secret exercises ; God 
appeared excellent, his ways full of pleasure and peace, and all 
I wanted was a spirit of holy fervency, to live to him. 

June 17. " This and the two preceding days, I spent mainly 
in visiting the ministers of the town, and was treated with great 
respect by them. 

June 18. " I was taken exceedingly ill, and brou^t to the 
gates of death by the breaking of small ulcers in my lungs, as 


my physician supposed. In this extremely weak state, I con- 
tinued for several weeks, and was frequently reduced so low, as 
to be utterly speechless, and not able so much as to whisper a 
word. Even after I had so far revived, as to walk about the 
house, and to step out of doors, 1 was exercised every day with 
a faint turn, which continued usually four or five hours : at 
which times, though I was not so utterly speechless, but that 1 
could say Yes, or rf o, yet I could not converse at all, nor speak 
one se